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1
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:15,249
BAD EXORCIST
2
00:00:15,250 --> 00:00:16,875
CATECHISM
2ND GRADE
3
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{\an8}THE BEAST OF THE APOCALYPSE
4
00:00:20,291 --> 00:00:21,416
{\an8}Well, in I go.
5
00:00:23,583 --> 00:00:25,415
It's cool that Domino's back.
6
00:00:25,416 --> 00:00:29,500
Maybe in an uncool way,
but it's good to have him back, right?
7
00:00:35,083 --> 00:00:37,499
That's so fucked up!
8
00:00:37,500 --> 00:00:39,250
Nothing will surprise me today.
9
00:00:40,750 --> 00:00:41,915
And yet...
10
00:00:41,916 --> 00:00:44,790
Okay, get in. No time to explain.
11
00:00:44,791 --> 00:00:47,083
I'll explain on the way!
12
00:00:49,666 --> 00:00:51,457
Don't even remind me.
13
00:00:51,458 --> 00:00:53,207
I'd never go in there,
14
00:00:53,208 --> 00:00:56,124
and Domino paid me a ten spot
to do it for me.
15
00:00:56,125 --> 00:00:58,500
Oh, so your daily pay is covered.
16
00:00:59,375 --> 00:01:01,332
Shut up and get the bucket.
17
00:01:01,333 --> 00:01:03,291
It's about to go down.
18
00:01:05,916 --> 00:01:09,040
Amol, Portos,
19
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the demon's caca!
20
00:01:13,250 --> 00:01:16,125
Cacademon, show yourself!
21
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:26,499
Who dares interrupt my meal?
22
00:01:26,500 --> 00:01:29,540
Leave this place, evil force.
23
00:01:29,541 --> 00:01:32,999
You've defiled these walls
with your presence.
24
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:34,457
Which walls?
25
00:01:34,458 --> 00:01:38,749
The inner walls, maybe. Can't you feel
how soft it is under your feet?
26
00:01:38,750 --> 00:01:41,790
The floor of the pool is unpaved.
27
00:01:41,791 --> 00:01:42,874
It's just sand!
28
00:01:42,875 --> 00:01:45,540
It all goes into the groundwater.
29
00:01:45,541 --> 00:01:49,374
During this conversation,
the level dropped two centimeters.
30
00:01:49,375 --> 00:01:51,290
And I'm the bad one?
31
00:01:51,291 --> 00:01:54,457
Why don't you hate on the owner?
32
00:01:54,458 --> 00:01:56,165
But enough about me!
33
00:01:56,166 --> 00:01:59,249
You picked the wrong cesspool, lover.
34
00:01:59,250 --> 00:02:02,082
Hands up! I'm gonna search you.
35
00:02:02,083 --> 00:02:03,500
Open your mouth.
36
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,833
Don't try to bite me.
Remember I have a gun.
37
00:02:08,416 --> 00:02:09,500
Tongue up.
38
00:02:10,208 --> 00:02:11,416
What's that?
39
00:02:12,625 --> 00:02:13,749
Gum?
40
00:02:13,750 --> 00:02:14,915
That's okay.
41
00:02:14,916 --> 00:02:17,165
- Oh no, ass now?
- Ass disgusts me.
42
00:02:17,166 --> 00:02:21,583
Marcinek, now!
43
00:02:32,541 --> 00:02:35,790
- He's furious!
- He'll calm down soon.
44
00:02:35,791 --> 00:02:37,083
Hallelujah!
45
00:02:40,333 --> 00:02:41,458
And done.
46
00:02:43,833 --> 00:02:45,415
What? Unpaved, huh?
47
00:02:45,416 --> 00:02:47,499
The walls were fine.
48
00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:49,666
And you can't see the floor anyway.
49
00:02:50,583 --> 00:02:52,415
It's a real pain these days.
50
00:02:52,416 --> 00:02:54,040
And all of it from Poland.
51
00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:58,249
In Western Europe, these problems ended
with the invention of the sewage systems.
52
00:02:58,250 --> 00:03:00,833
Well, let's take care of this rascal.
53
00:03:03,041 --> 00:03:05,749
Dear friends, let me out of this bucket.
54
00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:09,249
I'm having a heart attack.
Jesus, my back hurts!
55
00:03:09,250 --> 00:03:11,249
Call 911.
56
00:03:11,250 --> 00:03:13,332
You can use my phone.
57
00:03:13,333 --> 00:03:15,499
I won't fall for that.
58
00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:18,208
La merda fa schifo!
59
00:03:20,875 --> 00:03:21,832
It's dead.
60
00:03:21,833 --> 00:03:24,582
Okay. See you next time.
61
00:03:24,583 --> 00:03:27,874
Boner, do you think
I let you in here out of turn
62
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:31,332
just to put a jar of shit on my desk?
63
00:03:31,333 --> 00:03:32,958
For nearly 2,000 zlotys?
64
00:03:40,083 --> 00:03:41,583
And play.
65
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:12,957
Holy Father, did we come here out of turn
66
00:04:12,958 --> 00:04:16,165
to watch the Turkish Witcher
without dubbing?
67
00:04:16,166 --> 00:04:17,708
Oh, sorry, wrong tape.
68
00:04:22,166 --> 00:04:23,832
I don't think it's this one either.
69
00:04:23,833 --> 00:04:24,749
It is.
70
00:04:24,750 --> 00:04:27,625
Ah, like Pacino.
71
00:04:34,333 --> 00:04:36,083
Relax, those were blanks.
72
00:05:00,916 --> 00:05:03,749
Wait, did he steal what I think he stole?
73
00:05:03,750 --> 00:05:06,374
No, we keep pornography locked up.
74
00:05:06,375 --> 00:05:08,332
Besides, I know nothing about that.
75
00:05:08,333 --> 00:05:09,916
Then what was on that disk?
76
00:05:10,416 --> 00:05:12,583
The Vatican's nuclear codes.
77
00:05:19,500 --> 00:05:21,457
I'm invincible!
78
00:05:21,458 --> 00:05:26,083
I will destroy the humans
once and for all!
79
00:05:26,916 --> 00:05:28,540
What? Oh right, the prize.
80
00:05:28,541 --> 00:05:30,250
The promised $1 million.
81
00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:35,332
Where is it?
82
00:05:35,333 --> 00:05:37,833
I've got it here somewhere.
83
00:05:38,375 --> 00:05:39,666
Got it.
84
00:05:41,750 --> 00:05:44,832
This ninja sucks dick.
The movie ones are better.
85
00:05:44,833 --> 00:05:45,750
Kuba!
86
00:05:46,875 --> 00:05:49,082
On command, Your Motherfuckerness.
87
00:05:49,083 --> 00:05:52,415
Launch the Vatican's nuclear weapons.
88
00:05:52,416 --> 00:05:54,916
Target, the Baltic Sea.
89
00:05:56,250 --> 00:05:58,333
Target, the Baltic Sea.
90
00:05:59,583 --> 00:06:01,291
The computer is asking for a code.
91
00:06:06,416 --> 00:06:07,750
That port's broken.
92
00:06:09,750 --> 00:06:11,166
No, that one's broken.
93
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:15,750
You just have to wait
because the computer's slow.
94
00:06:17,166 --> 00:06:20,999
There. 21... 73.
95
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,916
What? Weird.
96
00:06:24,291 --> 00:06:25,583
Enter.
97
00:06:29,166 --> 00:06:30,583
It has begun.
98
00:06:52,333 --> 00:06:56,124
Yeah! Who can't make it?
I'll be in Sweden in a minute.
99
00:06:56,125 --> 00:06:58,415
Too bad I gave them
my beer to hold though.
100
00:06:58,416 --> 00:07:00,583
I could use it now.
101
00:07:22,791 --> 00:07:26,665
Finally! The curse has been lifted!
102
00:07:26,666 --> 00:07:29,499
Fuck, what kind of idiot put us underwater
103
00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:32,332
when we have the body of a land animal.
104
00:07:32,333 --> 00:07:36,499
Right, couldn't he have
made us a stingray?
105
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:37,415
What?
106
00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:39,415
A stingray!
107
00:07:39,416 --> 00:07:42,791
Gieniu, swim to the surface,
I can barely hear him.
108
00:07:45,250 --> 00:07:46,582
A stingray!
109
00:07:46,583 --> 00:07:49,040
We would've died right away, you moron.
110
00:07:49,041 --> 00:07:52,915
- Stingrays don't live in the Baltic Sea.
- But the lions fucking do.
111
00:07:52,916 --> 00:07:55,332
And don't call me a moron,
or I'll break your face.
112
00:07:55,333 --> 00:07:58,290
Only one of us controls this body, moron.
113
00:07:58,291 --> 00:08:01,082
And it's not you, moron!
114
00:08:01,083 --> 00:08:03,249
Oh yeah? Gieniu, smack him.
115
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:06,332
Everybody shut up and let me swim.
116
00:08:06,333 --> 00:08:08,790
You're going on about
stingrays and schmingrays,
117
00:08:08,791 --> 00:08:10,624
and he's snoring in my ear.
118
00:08:10,625 --> 00:08:12,208
I need to focus.
119
00:08:15,458 --> 00:08:17,458
Oh come on, who wants to shit?
120
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,374
How do we know the beast
will come out on our side?
121
00:08:23,375 --> 00:08:26,374
First, Sweden has a navy.
122
00:08:26,375 --> 00:08:29,583
And we don't? What about ORP Błyskawica?
123
00:08:30,208 --> 00:08:31,790
Good thinking!
124
00:08:31,791 --> 00:08:34,749
Follow me! To Mrzeżyno!
125
00:08:34,750 --> 00:08:38,125
- You mean Gdynia?
- Whatever!
126
00:08:43,750 --> 00:08:46,749
It won't work.
The battery's already dying.
127
00:08:46,750 --> 00:08:49,207
It will. Come on, baby.
128
00:08:49,208 --> 00:08:51,499
My van started, and you won't?
129
00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:52,415
What's this?
130
00:08:52,416 --> 00:08:54,166
Domino, you'll break--
131
00:08:54,833 --> 00:08:56,332
It started. Okay.
132
00:08:56,333 --> 00:08:59,000
Let's put it in reverse and take it slow.
133
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:04,332
Fuck, how did this Dar of Pomerania park?
134
00:09:04,333 --> 00:09:05,750
It's blocking the way.
135
00:09:16,583 --> 00:09:17,415
He's there.
136
00:09:17,416 --> 00:09:19,915
Get the torpedoes ready!
137
00:09:19,916 --> 00:09:23,332
Boss, it really is a museum.
There is no armament.
138
00:09:23,333 --> 00:09:26,415
But there is a gift shop and a restaurant.
139
00:09:26,416 --> 00:09:28,582
Unfortunately, it's closed at this time.
140
00:09:28,583 --> 00:09:31,583
Shit. Well, let's go back
for the pitchforks then.
141
00:09:35,500 --> 00:09:38,582
You know ski jumping
like Probierz knows soccer.
142
00:09:38,583 --> 00:09:39,832
Of course it's Małysz.
143
00:09:39,833 --> 00:09:41,832
And who won the Olympic gold?
144
00:09:41,833 --> 00:09:42,832
Well, who?
145
00:09:42,833 --> 00:09:44,124
- Stoch.
- Schmoch.
146
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:46,082
And the Willingen hill record?
147
00:09:46,083 --> 00:09:47,500
Fuck, what's he doing?
148
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,332
You! Stop!
149
00:09:51,333 --> 00:09:53,749
Buddy, stop, or you'll run me over!
150
00:09:53,750 --> 00:09:57,415
He has the whole sea,
and he must come this way.
151
00:09:57,416 --> 00:09:59,750
Retreat!
152
00:10:03,791 --> 00:10:06,665
Shit, I hope he didn't damage the hull.
153
00:10:06,666 --> 00:10:08,874
And that's it? It's over?
154
00:10:08,875 --> 00:10:12,290
Remember, this monster
was invented a long time ago.
155
00:10:12,291 --> 00:10:13,957
Back then, people had spears.
156
00:10:13,958 --> 00:10:16,457
Today, an ordinary forester
would've dealt with him.
157
00:10:16,458 --> 00:10:19,665
And we are on a destroyer, after all.
158
00:10:19,666 --> 00:10:21,541
The name speaks for itself.
159
00:10:22,625 --> 00:10:24,582
Phew, out of fuel.
160
00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:27,290
Good because we would've sailed to Sweden.
161
00:10:27,291 --> 00:10:29,416
And they have a navy.
162
00:10:31,333 --> 00:10:32,582
Hello.
163
00:10:32,583 --> 00:10:35,832
Welcome to ORP Błyskawica restaurant.
164
00:10:35,833 --> 00:10:38,749
Our meals are like our ship.
Lightning fast.
165
00:10:38,750 --> 00:10:42,458
Soup? Just add water.
It doesn't even have to boil.
166
00:10:43,083 --> 00:10:43,957
{\an8}THE END
167
00:10:43,958 --> 00:10:45,915
{\an8}Exorcist for less than three hundred
168
00:10:45,916 --> 00:10:49,165
{\an8}Actually, for two hundred
More if you want an invoice
169
00:10:49,166 --> 00:10:52,082
{\an8}Watch out, Beelzebutt
He will kick your butt
170
00:10:52,083 --> 00:10:55,333
{\an8}Watch out, Buttcifer
He will get you in his sights
11784
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