All language subtitles for Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! (1978) BRD 720p

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:53,367 --> 00:00:55,533 You're listening to the mellow sounds... 2 00:00:55,567 --> 00:00:58,067 of KCUP, the k-cup... 3 00:00:58,100 --> 00:01:00,200 69 on your radio dial. 4 00:01:35,433 --> 00:01:39,033 ♪ Attack of the killer tomatoes ♪ 5 00:01:39,067 --> 00:01:42,500 ♪ attack of the killer tomatoes ♪ 6 00:01:42,533 --> 00:01:44,509 ♪ they'll beat you, bash you, squish you, mash you ♪ 7 00:01:44,533 --> 00:01:46,500 ♪ chew you up for brunch 8 00:01:46,533 --> 00:01:48,900 ♪ and finish you off for dinner or lunch ♪ 9 00:01:51,433 --> 00:01:54,900 ♪ they're marching down the halls ♪ 10 00:01:54,933 --> 00:01:58,567 ♪ they're crawling up the walls ♪ 11 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:00,433 ♪ they're gooey, gushy, squishy, mushy ♪ 12 00:02:00,467 --> 00:02:02,233 ♪ rotten to the core 13 00:02:02,267 --> 00:02:05,800 ♪ they're standing outside your door ♪ 14 00:02:07,667 --> 00:02:10,867 ♪ remember Herbert Farbage ♪ 15 00:02:10,900 --> 00:02:14,933 ♪ while taking out his garbage ♪ 16 00:02:14,967 --> 00:02:16,433 ♪ he turned around, and he did see ♪ 17 00:02:16,467 --> 00:02:18,300 ♪ tomatoes hiding in his tree 18 00:02:18,333 --> 00:02:21,467 ♪ now he's just a memory 19 00:02:23,500 --> 00:02:27,000 ♪ I know I'm going to miss her ♪ 20 00:02:27,033 --> 00:02:30,467 ♪ a tomato ate my sister 21 00:02:30,500 --> 00:02:32,400 ♪ sacramento fell today 22 00:02:32,433 --> 00:02:34,267 ♪ they're marching into San Jose ♪ 23 00:02:34,300 --> 00:02:37,800 ♪ tomatoes are on their way 24 00:02:39,633 --> 00:02:42,967 ♪ the mayor is on vacation 25 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:46,833 ♪ the governor's fled the nation ♪ 26 00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:48,500 ♪ the police have gone on strike today ♪ 27 00:02:48,533 --> 00:02:50,333 ♪ the national guard has run away ♪ 28 00:02:50,367 --> 00:02:53,467 ♪ tomatoes will have their day ♪ 29 00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:58,967 ♪ attack of the killer tomatoes ♪ 30 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:02,367 ♪ attack of the killer tomatoes ♪ 31 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:04,343 ♪ they'll beat you, bash you, squish you, mash you ♪ 32 00:03:04,367 --> 00:03:06,167 ♪ chew you up for brunch 33 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:09,333 ♪ and finish you off for dinner or lunch, munch, munch ♪ 34 00:03:09,367 --> 00:03:11,167 ♪ dinner or lunch, munch, munch ♪ 35 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:15,333 ♪ dinner or lunch 36 00:03:17,233 --> 00:03:19,467 One Adam 12. See the woman? 37 00:03:22,175 --> 00:03:24,508 Houston, we have a problem up here. 38 00:03:24,533 --> 00:03:26,133 It's half past the hour... 39 00:03:26,167 --> 00:03:29,206 and now time for the news with Michael St. James. 40 00:03:29,231 --> 00:03:31,367 What do you make of it? 41 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:33,233 I don't know, Joe. 42 00:03:33,267 --> 00:03:36,100 No weapons, no motive, no clothes. 43 00:03:36,564 --> 00:03:39,732 All we've got to go on is this bloody corpse. 44 00:03:41,306 --> 00:03:43,773 - Well, look again, Harry. - Huh? 45 00:03:47,282 --> 00:03:48,599 Not blood... 46 00:03:50,758 --> 00:03:53,884 Due in a large part to a major surplus of tomatoes. 47 00:03:55,433 --> 00:03:56,601 Tomato juice. 48 00:03:57,802 --> 00:04:01,532 The tomato crop continues to grow at an unprecedented rate. 49 00:04:01,557 --> 00:04:03,957 Within the last 12 hours, we have received... 50 00:04:03,982 --> 00:04:07,015 a number of unconfirmed reports from throughout the nation... 51 00:04:07,213 --> 00:04:10,911 that may or may not be connected to this strange phenomenon. 52 00:04:12,648 --> 00:04:15,148 Sure doesn't taste like tomato juice. 53 00:04:25,783 --> 00:04:28,283 - Look at the giant tomato, Martha. 54 00:04:28,333 --> 00:04:30,774 I didn't knew they grew 'em so big, Jess. 55 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:33,200 I wonder where he's going. 56 00:04:35,533 --> 00:04:37,208 He got little Timmy. 57 00:04:37,233 --> 00:04:38,541 Poor Timmy. 58 00:04:39,252 --> 00:04:41,250 He ate him all up. 59 00:05:21,267 --> 00:05:23,898 The tomatoes are coming! Sheriff, they're coming! 60 00:05:24,196 --> 00:05:26,946 My god, did you see that? A tomato... 61 00:05:26,971 --> 00:05:29,258 You didn't see anything. You didn't hear anything. 62 00:05:29,283 --> 00:05:31,745 - The pilot's still in there. - Forget about the pilot. 63 00:05:31,817 --> 00:05:34,178 - Come over here! - We can't leave him. 64 00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:36,800 It's just too incredible! A kamikaze tomato! 65 00:05:36,833 --> 00:05:38,523 - Tomatoes can't fly! - Yeah? 66 00:05:38,548 --> 00:05:41,948 They can't eat people either, but they're doing one heck of an impression. 67 00:05:42,411 --> 00:05:45,033 Jim, talk to that sheriff and find out what's going on. 68 00:05:45,261 --> 00:05:46,261 Get over here! 69 00:05:47,026 --> 00:05:48,026 How bad is it? 70 00:05:48,089 --> 00:05:49,702 Well, sir, I definitely don't think it'll fly again. 71 00:05:49,726 --> 00:05:51,352 I'm not talking about that, you Weiner! 72 00:05:51,377 --> 00:05:52,165 What about the tomatoes. 73 00:05:52,190 --> 00:05:54,200 We found two more bodies at the main road... 74 00:05:54,233 --> 00:05:55,432 but we pushed the tomatoes back to the north end. 75 00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:56,907 I don't think any managed to bust loose. 76 00:05:56,931 --> 00:05:58,548 They better not have. I want this thing contained! 77 00:05:58,572 --> 00:05:59,886 I understand, but nothing seems to stop them. 78 00:05:59,910 --> 00:06:02,632 We tried chemicals, bugs, bullets. Nothing seems to work. 79 00:06:06,704 --> 00:06:09,200 Look, the President wants a complete investigation. 80 00:06:09,233 --> 00:06:10,736 We can't let this out. People would... 81 00:06:10,761 --> 00:06:11,761 Panic, that's what. 82 00:06:11,930 --> 00:06:14,142 And you know whose ass is on the line? 83 00:06:14,254 --> 00:06:16,142 Yours, mine, and the entire AG department. 84 00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:17,167 Look out! 85 00:06:21,399 --> 00:06:22,837 What if the President wants an investigation? 86 00:06:22,861 --> 00:06:25,027 He'll get his investigation, but we'll keep it quiet. 87 00:06:25,503 --> 00:06:27,467 I've arranged for the most obscure generals... 88 00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:30,683 the most obscure scientists, and to head the investigation... 89 00:06:31,947 --> 00:06:32,947 this man. 90 00:06:33,333 --> 00:06:34,952 - I don't recognize him. - Nobody does. 91 00:06:35,581 --> 00:06:37,100 His name is Mason Dixon. 92 00:06:37,133 --> 00:06:38,832 He hasn't worked since the bay of pigs. 93 00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:40,793 - Is there any sign of a problem elsewhere? - Not yet. 94 00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:42,950 I've ordered the entire G.D.P. program shut down. 95 00:06:43,732 --> 00:06:44,633 Wait a minute. 96 00:06:44,667 --> 00:06:46,967 Isn't that Jim Richardson, the Press Secretary? 97 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:47,755 What's he doing here? 98 00:06:47,780 --> 00:06:49,898 The President's got him keeping an eye on the investigation. 99 00:06:49,922 --> 00:06:52,428 - Why him? - He's got a vegetable garden, that's why. 100 00:06:52,453 --> 00:06:54,116 With peas and carrots and squash and tomatoes. 101 00:06:54,140 --> 00:06:55,559 That sheriff tells me... 102 00:06:55,584 --> 00:06:57,533 there were reports of incidents like this all over the county. 103 00:06:57,559 --> 00:07:00,240 Oh, bullshit. One nut spots a flying saucer, and pretty soon... 104 00:07:00,265 --> 00:07:01,735 everybody's shaking hands with little green men. 105 00:07:01,759 --> 00:07:02,799 God, who would've thought. 106 00:07:03,004 --> 00:07:04,609 All we wanted was a bigger, healthier tomato. 107 00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:06,867 Look out! Here it comes again! 108 00:07:08,724 --> 00:07:10,333 Where did you get this one, general? 109 00:07:10,367 --> 00:07:12,567 Oh, I won that one in a three-legged sack race... 110 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:14,518 last armed forces day picnic. 111 00:07:15,433 --> 00:07:17,400 What's the matter with general number two? 112 00:07:17,433 --> 00:07:19,900 Oh, he was out all night on maneuvers. Let him rest. 113 00:07:20,133 --> 00:07:21,566 Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, gentlemen. 114 00:07:21,591 --> 00:07:22,795 Would you follow me, please? 115 00:07:22,820 --> 00:07:23,973 Certainly. 116 00:07:25,533 --> 00:07:28,584 Oh, general, would you wake up, please? 117 00:07:51,604 --> 00:07:54,067 I apologize for the size of this room, gentlemen. 118 00:07:54,100 --> 00:07:57,065 It's all I could do on such short notice. 119 00:08:14,374 --> 00:08:16,333 Now, are we all here? 120 00:08:16,367 --> 00:08:17,537 Where's Jim Richardson? 121 00:08:17,562 --> 00:08:18,935 - The Press Secretary? - Yes. 122 00:08:19,411 --> 00:08:21,800 Perhaps we can give him a few more minutes. 123 00:08:21,833 --> 00:08:23,800 General, I've been meaning to ask you... 124 00:08:23,833 --> 00:08:26,456 have you heard anything about the nuclear strike force... 125 00:08:26,481 --> 00:08:28,100 tactical training command meeting? 126 00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:30,100 - You mean operation nichefict? - That's right. 127 00:08:30,133 --> 00:08:32,833 Not really. I've been following the personnel proficiency planning... 128 00:08:32,867 --> 00:08:34,967 for Pago-Pago paratroop platoon patrols. 129 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,233 Oh, operation ppppp. 130 00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:39,933 - What's the poop on ppppp? - Moving well. 131 00:08:39,967 --> 00:08:41,767 Did somebody mention misfits? 132 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:43,548 - No. Ppppp. - Ah. 133 00:08:43,573 --> 00:08:45,906 Well, then, nichefict must be pretty well wrapped up. 134 00:09:14,167 --> 00:09:16,550 Gentlemen, gentlemen, may I have your attention, please? 135 00:09:17,316 --> 00:09:18,236 Now that we're all here... 136 00:09:18,261 --> 00:09:20,267 I'd like to turn the meeting over to Dr. Morrison. 137 00:09:20,300 --> 00:09:21,933 - Doctor? - Thank you, captain. 138 00:09:22,009 --> 00:09:23,604 - "Major." - Pardon me? 139 00:09:23,746 --> 00:09:24,846 Never mind. 140 00:09:27,578 --> 00:09:30,267 Well, as I'm sure you're well aware... 141 00:09:30,890 --> 00:09:33,767 this tomato problem has caused considerable concern... 142 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,432 within the scientific community. 143 00:09:36,294 --> 00:09:38,398 Scientists throughout the nation have... 144 00:09:38,423 --> 00:09:40,249 directed their attention to this... 145 00:09:40,368 --> 00:09:41,652 very vexing problem... 146 00:09:41,677 --> 00:09:43,526 with only limited success. 147 00:09:44,321 --> 00:09:45,365 However... 148 00:09:45,767 --> 00:09:48,200 with the help of Dr. Fuji Nokitofa... 149 00:09:48,470 --> 00:09:50,353 we believe we've made a breakthrough. 150 00:09:51,345 --> 00:09:53,666 Gentlemen, may I present Dr. Nokitofa. 151 00:09:53,777 --> 00:09:54,800 How do you do, doctor? 152 00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:56,462 Very well, thank you. 153 00:09:57,145 --> 00:09:59,800 Dr. Nokitofa, would you please explain... 154 00:09:59,833 --> 00:10:02,300 the project to the gentlemen? 155 00:10:12,401 --> 00:10:15,142 Gentlemen, what we have developed is, in essence... 156 00:10:15,173 --> 00:10:17,105 a half-man, half-robot... 157 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:19,294 a very sophisticated combination... 158 00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:22,164 of human intelligence and superhuman powers... 159 00:10:22,346 --> 00:10:24,833 which we are confident will result in the ultimate... 160 00:10:24,867 --> 00:10:26,967 destruction of the enemy. 161 00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:30,994 Thank you, Dr. Nokitofa. 162 00:10:32,940 --> 00:10:35,233 Are there any comments, gentlemen? 163 00:10:35,924 --> 00:10:37,267 Mr. Black? 164 00:10:38,166 --> 00:10:40,167 As head of the federal intelligence agency... 165 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,667 I certainly don't mean to question the background... 166 00:10:42,700 --> 00:10:44,867 of these fine gentlemen... 167 00:10:45,276 --> 00:10:47,633 but frankly, I don't think the answer to this problem... 168 00:10:47,667 --> 00:10:50,200 lies in trinkets and gadgets. 169 00:10:50,647 --> 00:10:53,767 This is man versus vegetable. 170 00:10:53,855 --> 00:10:57,289 Technically, sir, tomatoes are fags. 171 00:10:58,769 --> 00:11:00,200 He means "fruits." 172 00:11:00,507 --> 00:11:02,800 Ah. Fruits. 173 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:04,667 You see what I mean? 174 00:11:04,926 --> 00:11:09,833 Mr. Dixon, I've been authorized to assign you four of my best agents. 175 00:11:10,083 --> 00:11:12,707 Gentlemen, with your permission, I'd like to... 176 00:11:12,855 --> 00:11:15,262 introduce Mr. Dixon to his operatives. 177 00:11:15,295 --> 00:11:16,295 That's fine, Mr. Platt. 178 00:11:16,561 --> 00:11:18,869 In the meantime, the rest of us will accompany the doctors... 179 00:11:18,894 --> 00:11:21,838 down to view a demonstration of the latest anti-tomato project. 180 00:11:21,863 --> 00:11:23,700 We'll be going outside, Mr. Dixon. 181 00:11:23,733 --> 00:11:25,000 You'd better bring your coat. 182 00:11:25,033 --> 00:11:26,942 There's a little jap in the air. 183 00:11:27,432 --> 00:11:28,800 He means "nip." 184 00:11:37,333 --> 00:11:40,367 ♪ Wash, wash, wash. Scrub, scrub, scrub. ♪ 185 00:11:41,043 --> 00:11:42,743 ♪ Can you get my back? ♪ 186 00:11:51,100 --> 00:11:54,300 Oh, my eyes! Oh, my eyes! 187 00:11:54,777 --> 00:11:57,044 Water! Water! 188 00:12:05,254 --> 00:12:07,233 Actually, gentlemen, this project entails... 189 00:12:07,267 --> 00:12:10,183 the development of limbs with superhuman powers. 190 00:12:11,985 --> 00:12:13,300 Unfortunately... 191 00:12:13,332 --> 00:12:15,896 budget limitations have restricted our development to only... 192 00:12:15,921 --> 00:12:18,854 one of these technologically advanced legs. 193 00:12:19,342 --> 00:12:22,376 Okay, Bruce, now let's try running first. 194 00:12:25,026 --> 00:12:27,926 Uh, that'll be fine, Bruce. 195 00:12:29,991 --> 00:12:30,991 Bruce... 196 00:12:31,491 --> 00:12:33,758 please jump for us. 197 00:12:40,430 --> 00:12:42,533 Despite some minor recruitment difficulties... 198 00:12:42,574 --> 00:12:44,912 caused by our recent P.R. Problem... 199 00:12:44,967 --> 00:12:46,933 I believe you'll find that your unit... 200 00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:50,100 will meet the highest of standards. 201 00:12:50,274 --> 00:12:51,687 Pynchon. 202 00:12:53,436 --> 00:12:55,262 Your men, Dixon. 203 00:12:56,099 --> 00:12:58,738 Sam Smith, disguise expert. 204 00:12:58,992 --> 00:13:01,567 Gretta Attenbaum, swimming expert. 205 00:13:01,761 --> 00:13:04,233 Gretta defected to us after the last Olympics. 206 00:13:04,458 --> 00:13:07,933 We feel she's gonna be quite an addition to the department. 207 00:13:08,410 --> 00:13:11,361 Greg Colburn, underwater expert. 208 00:13:12,387 --> 00:13:14,833 The fourth member of your unit, Lt. Finletter... 209 00:13:14,867 --> 00:13:17,233 is winding up his current mission. 210 00:13:17,267 --> 00:13:19,500 He'll contact you at these coordinates. 211 00:13:19,801 --> 00:13:21,896 Expect him at "10-100" hours. 212 00:13:22,849 --> 00:13:24,103 Good luck, Dixon. 213 00:13:41,917 --> 00:13:45,142 Can you, like, believe how he waffles on every issue? 214 00:13:45,183 --> 00:13:46,471 Oh, right on. 215 00:13:46,633 --> 00:13:50,051 We'll never have another president as bad as this one. 216 00:14:07,739 --> 00:14:10,506 What is it? Over there! 217 00:14:13,272 --> 00:14:15,172 No! No! 218 00:14:35,602 --> 00:14:38,132 Mr. Daniels, i realize that in the past... 219 00:14:38,157 --> 00:14:39,733 there have been some questions raised... 220 00:14:39,767 --> 00:14:42,172 regarding the president's use of public funds... 221 00:14:42,197 --> 00:14:44,767 for what some may consider personal items. 222 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:48,475 However, I can say without fear of contradiction... 223 00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:51,600 that under no circumstances and at no time... 224 00:14:51,633 --> 00:14:53,667 has the current administration expended... 225 00:14:53,700 --> 00:14:56,400 any public monies whatsoever... 226 00:14:56,433 --> 00:14:59,700 for the purchase of the fluffy flower-print toilet paper. 227 00:15:00,324 --> 00:15:02,467 Now, if there are no further questions... 228 00:15:02,645 --> 00:15:04,067 Thank you, Mr. Press Secretary. 229 00:15:04,100 --> 00:15:06,293 Mr. Secretary! Mr. Secretary! 230 00:15:08,225 --> 00:15:09,884 Just a moment, gentlemen. 231 00:15:10,245 --> 00:15:13,612 One more question. The little fellow in the rear. 232 00:15:13,733 --> 00:15:16,222 Bobby Jenks, sir, P.S. 149. 233 00:15:16,247 --> 00:15:17,733 I have a question, sir. 234 00:15:18,812 --> 00:15:20,772 Certainly, young man. What would you like to know? 235 00:15:20,807 --> 00:15:23,741 We've heard nothing at all about the growing tomato menace. 236 00:15:27,245 --> 00:15:28,290 I... 237 00:15:31,133 --> 00:15:32,133 Uh... 238 00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:36,473 Wouldn't exactly call it a menace, young man. 239 00:15:36,700 --> 00:15:40,433 There have been some isolated reports... 240 00:15:40,467 --> 00:15:44,133 alleged incidents involving some unusual activity... 241 00:15:44,167 --> 00:15:46,567 associated with this, uh... 242 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:48,682 particular vegetable... 243 00:15:48,733 --> 00:15:51,000 but I assure you that, uh... 244 00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:54,133 this is not and never will become a menace. 245 00:15:54,167 --> 00:15:57,033 However, the President, leaving no stone unturned, has... 246 00:15:58,287 --> 00:16:01,333 called upon our most noted congressional leaders in this field... 247 00:16:01,367 --> 00:16:04,400 to begin a thorough, intensive, painstaking... 248 00:16:04,433 --> 00:16:06,500 and exhaustive investigation... 249 00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:09,228 into the backgrounds and origins of this... 250 00:16:10,100 --> 00:16:12,103 interesting quirk of nature. 251 00:16:12,643 --> 00:16:17,033 Furthermore, you can assure all of your young readers that... 252 00:16:17,067 --> 00:16:20,600 this will never become a problem that Americans need fear. 253 00:16:24,533 --> 00:16:28,433 This, uh, meeting of the senate investigating committee's... 254 00:16:28,467 --> 00:16:30,400 called to order. 255 00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:37,967 Anybody remember what we're supposed to be investigating? 256 00:16:38,337 --> 00:16:40,467 - The tomatoes, Wayne. - What was it? 257 00:16:40,736 --> 00:16:43,459 We're investigating those tomatoes. 258 00:16:43,522 --> 00:16:46,967 Oh, yes, yes. Yes, of course. Yes. 259 00:16:47,329 --> 00:16:50,967 Well, there's one for you... 260 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:52,000 one for you... 261 00:16:52,873 --> 00:16:54,439 one here for me... 262 00:16:55,067 --> 00:16:56,217 one for you. 263 00:16:57,806 --> 00:17:00,440 There's supposed to be one for everybody. 264 00:17:00,851 --> 00:17:02,900 Wonder where it could be. 265 00:17:09,967 --> 00:17:12,373 Good morning, city herald. May I help you? 266 00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:15,533 Roberts! 267 00:17:19,033 --> 00:17:21,141 - Sir? - Get me Goldstein. 268 00:17:21,333 --> 00:17:23,533 - He's still in Beirut, sir. - Beirut? 269 00:17:24,153 --> 00:17:25,026 Yes, he's fired, sir. 270 00:17:25,051 --> 00:17:26,884 Oh. Yeah. Get me Johnson. 271 00:17:27,841 --> 00:17:30,000 Sorry, sir. He's covering that trial in Texas. 272 00:17:30,033 --> 00:17:32,170 Oh, cripes! 273 00:17:32,195 --> 00:17:35,100 Okay, just get me anybody in the special assignment desk. 274 00:17:35,462 --> 00:17:37,167 They're all on special assignment. 275 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:39,328 Goddamn it! Who the hell is here? 276 00:17:39,542 --> 00:17:42,300 Well, uh, there's you, sir. 277 00:17:42,663 --> 00:17:44,600 Thank you, Julius. 278 00:17:45,936 --> 00:17:47,000 Wait a minute. 279 00:17:47,198 --> 00:17:49,333 - There's Fairchild. - Who the hell is he? 280 00:17:49,367 --> 00:17:51,200 "She." Sir. 281 00:17:51,296 --> 00:17:53,530 Lois Fairchild, society section. 282 00:17:54,210 --> 00:17:55,221 The new kid? 283 00:17:55,990 --> 00:17:56,990 Society, huh? 284 00:17:57,779 --> 00:17:59,779 Oh, what the hell. Send her in. 285 00:18:02,509 --> 00:18:04,475 Now, damn it! 286 00:18:28,877 --> 00:18:32,179 Hey, look. It's a funky little tomato. 287 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:48,067 - Where are we going? - Take the old mission road. 288 00:18:48,100 --> 00:18:50,797 Some crazy-ass biker has got himself munched on by a herd of tomatoes. 289 00:18:50,821 --> 00:18:53,275 - So what can we do? - We can keep it quiet, that's what. 290 00:18:53,307 --> 00:18:54,870 Didn't you hear the police radio? 291 00:18:54,895 --> 00:18:56,482 It's solid tomatoes between here and Holtville. 292 00:18:56,506 --> 00:18:57,648 We're liable to get killed! 293 00:18:57,700 --> 00:18:59,315 Will you can it, you little pud-puller? 294 00:18:59,818 --> 00:19:01,676 If John Q. Public finds out what's really going down... 295 00:19:01,700 --> 00:19:03,633 we're both as good as dead. 296 00:19:06,284 --> 00:19:07,593 Fairchild, sir. 297 00:19:07,697 --> 00:19:10,000 - Hmm? - Fairchild. 298 00:19:10,414 --> 00:19:12,067 You sent for me? 299 00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:14,850 Oh. Yeah, yeah. Have a seat. 300 00:19:15,310 --> 00:19:18,000 Fairchild, I've been keeping my eye on you. 301 00:19:18,210 --> 00:19:20,647 You've got a good sense of organization. 302 00:19:22,023 --> 00:19:23,031 Thank you, sir. 303 00:19:23,056 --> 00:19:24,661 Fluid style. 304 00:19:24,851 --> 00:19:26,558 - Thank you, sir. - Sharp mind. 305 00:19:26,716 --> 00:19:27,716 Thank you, sir. 306 00:19:27,789 --> 00:19:29,467 - A nice ass. - Thank... 307 00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:32,100 I'm about to give you a challenge... 308 00:19:32,133 --> 00:19:33,933 your first big assignment... 309 00:19:33,967 --> 00:19:36,067 and I expect you to use... 310 00:19:36,100 --> 00:19:38,812 every attribute at your disposal. 311 00:19:38,837 --> 00:19:41,150 I'm sure that what you lack in experience... 312 00:19:41,175 --> 00:19:44,241 you'll more than make up for in... 313 00:19:44,667 --> 00:19:46,096 Determination. 314 00:19:46,745 --> 00:19:47,745 Now... 315 00:19:49,033 --> 00:19:51,033 this will give you the necessary background... 316 00:19:51,067 --> 00:19:52,577 to handle the assignment. 317 00:19:53,900 --> 00:19:55,067 Go to it. 318 00:19:56,281 --> 00:19:57,876 Right away, sir. 319 00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:01,459 Uh, one more thing, Fairchild: 320 00:20:01,733 --> 00:20:05,073 I'm certain the government will go to unbelievable lengths... 321 00:20:05,105 --> 00:20:07,904 to ensure the secrecy of this thing. 322 00:20:08,213 --> 00:20:09,483 Good luck. 323 00:20:12,833 --> 00:20:14,733 Help! Help! 324 00:20:25,893 --> 00:20:27,346 Do you read me? Do you read me? 325 00:20:27,371 --> 00:20:29,471 Go away! Go away! 326 00:20:31,833 --> 00:20:34,000 - Do you read me? Do you read me? - Are you happy now? 327 00:20:34,033 --> 00:20:36,767 You kept it so goddamned secret, nobody knows where the hell we are! 328 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,967 - Do you read? Do you read? - Help me! S.O.S.! 329 00:20:38,991 --> 00:20:41,791 Give me that, for Christ sake! 330 00:20:41,833 --> 00:20:44,200 You can't tell me to shut up! I quit! 331 00:20:44,233 --> 00:20:46,067 What? You can't quit! The department... 332 00:20:46,100 --> 00:20:47,933 Screw the department! I'm gonna die! 333 00:20:47,967 --> 00:20:50,815 You conceited little S.O.B., I'm gonna die too! 334 00:20:50,982 --> 00:20:53,506 Good! Good! Good, good, good... 335 00:20:55,437 --> 00:20:58,233 Not good, Mr. President. Not good at all. 336 00:20:58,354 --> 00:21:00,233 Frankly, I was not overly impressed... 337 00:21:00,267 --> 00:21:03,702 with the level of competency displayed by the scientific team. 338 00:21:03,727 --> 00:21:06,494 I haven't seen Dixon's special forces unit yet... 339 00:21:06,798 --> 00:21:09,800 but if it's anything like what I've seen so far... 340 00:21:09,967 --> 00:21:12,059 I'd say we're in for a bit of trouble. 341 00:21:12,371 --> 00:21:14,767 I know what you mean, Jim. I know what you mean. 342 00:21:14,895 --> 00:21:17,367 It's like trying to stack bibles... 343 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,267 on whipped cream. 344 00:21:19,300 --> 00:21:21,667 - Yes, sir. - Jim, an unusual problem... 345 00:21:21,700 --> 00:21:23,635 calls for an ingenious solution. 346 00:21:23,660 --> 00:21:25,260 I think I've got one. 347 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,633 Jim, have you ever heard of mindmaker? 348 00:21:27,667 --> 00:21:28,508 Certainly, sir. 349 00:21:28,533 --> 00:21:31,031 The advertising agency you used in your campaign. 350 00:21:31,056 --> 00:21:32,267 That's right. 351 00:21:32,307 --> 00:21:35,107 You know, they said I'd never get reelected... 352 00:21:35,458 --> 00:21:38,126 especially after it got out that I used the Statue of Liberty... 353 00:21:38,151 --> 00:21:39,900 as collateral on that Arab loan. 354 00:21:39,933 --> 00:21:41,638 - Yes, sir. - But... 355 00:21:42,728 --> 00:21:44,078 I'm sitting here now... 356 00:21:44,158 --> 00:21:46,704 and I owe it all to mindmaker. 357 00:21:47,767 --> 00:21:49,177 Incidentally, Jim... 358 00:21:49,202 --> 00:21:51,186 you were in the Middle East last summer. 359 00:21:51,448 --> 00:21:54,622 Tell me, how does the old girl look in the Dead Sea? 360 00:21:55,050 --> 00:21:57,067 - Just grand, sir. - Good. 361 00:21:57,225 --> 00:21:59,237 I tell you, Jim, if those fellows could elect me... 362 00:21:59,262 --> 00:22:01,795 - They can do anything. - Yes, sir. 363 00:22:02,138 --> 00:22:04,933 Jim, I want you to fly to New York immediately. 364 00:22:04,958 --> 00:22:06,633 I want you to see Ted Swann. 365 00:22:06,667 --> 00:22:09,267 Believe me, the man's a genius. 366 00:22:09,664 --> 00:22:10,997 I'm on my way, sir. 367 00:22:18,656 --> 00:22:21,090 Yes, Sir. That's the whole story. 368 00:22:21,825 --> 00:22:24,142 Say, would you want to buy a used crib? 369 00:22:24,778 --> 00:22:27,845 I don't think so, but I appreciate this information. 370 00:22:27,870 --> 00:22:30,304 This could be especially helpful in... 371 00:22:37,692 --> 00:22:39,867 Fairchild, from the times. 372 00:22:40,248 --> 00:22:42,267 What's this deal about tomatoes? 373 00:22:42,592 --> 00:22:44,999 Look, buddy, don't try and stonewall me. 374 00:22:45,024 --> 00:22:48,294 - Hi there, Lois. - Oh. Hi, Clark. 375 00:22:51,018 --> 00:22:52,635 - What are you doing here? - Uh, no comment. 376 00:22:52,659 --> 00:22:53,841 And who's he? 377 00:22:54,142 --> 00:22:54,913 No comment. 378 00:22:54,938 --> 00:22:56,560 How serious is this situation? 379 00:22:56,774 --> 00:22:57,816 No comment. 380 00:22:57,877 --> 00:23:00,833 - The American public has a right to know. - Up, up, and away! 381 00:23:00,867 --> 00:23:02,982 You can't ignore the press. 382 00:23:04,133 --> 00:23:05,371 Dixon! 383 00:23:05,950 --> 00:23:07,433 Dixon! 384 00:23:08,818 --> 00:23:10,271 Dixon! 385 00:23:11,448 --> 00:23:13,033 Dixon! 386 00:23:13,375 --> 00:23:16,067 Hey, guys, here's the song everybody's been asking for: 387 00:23:16,100 --> 00:23:18,486 Ronny Desmond's "puberty love." 388 00:23:18,511 --> 00:23:22,227 ♪ puberty, puberty love ♪ 389 00:23:22,486 --> 00:23:24,346 Oh, wow, what is that? 390 00:23:24,441 --> 00:23:26,267 Oh, no! Don't tell me that's the song. 391 00:23:26,300 --> 00:23:28,167 Please, oh! Turn it off! 392 00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:31,449 Oh, it's torture on the ears! I can't stand that noise! 393 00:23:39,567 --> 00:23:41,533 Quiet! I want to hear the news. 394 00:23:41,567 --> 00:23:43,533 And today, the president closed the nation's... 395 00:23:43,567 --> 00:23:46,818 last remaining sub base at Groton, Connecticut. 396 00:23:47,135 --> 00:23:49,986 When asked why he had made the startling decision... 397 00:23:50,011 --> 00:23:51,518 the President responded: 398 00:23:51,994 --> 00:23:55,600 "Those funny little black ships just keep sinking anyway." 399 00:23:56,109 --> 00:23:58,989 And in other news today, in Newark, New Jersey, 400 00:23:59,023 --> 00:24:02,800 a man was eaten by a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich. 401 00:24:42,677 --> 00:24:44,743 You're free! 402 00:25:19,238 --> 00:25:22,867 Geronimo! 403 00:25:51,484 --> 00:25:52,484 Hmm. 404 00:25:53,341 --> 00:25:55,000 So you're Finletter, huh? 405 00:25:56,373 --> 00:25:57,708 I'm Mason Dixon, and this is... 406 00:25:57,733 --> 00:26:01,133 My god! It's Adolf Hitler! 407 00:26:19,340 --> 00:26:21,664 This is Sam Smith. 408 00:26:23,765 --> 00:26:26,574 He's our undercover expert. 409 00:26:27,828 --> 00:26:30,067 He's only disguised as Adolf Hitler. 410 00:26:31,514 --> 00:26:33,477 Guten morgen, herr Hitler. 411 00:26:33,502 --> 00:26:35,998 - Autobahn. - Sprechen ze deutche? 412 00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:37,903 Weiner schnitzel. 413 00:26:41,704 --> 00:26:43,333 Get in the backseat! 414 00:26:43,950 --> 00:26:46,191 What about me, Mr. Dixon? What about me? 415 00:26:46,945 --> 00:26:48,367 You... 416 00:26:49,982 --> 00:26:51,077 You... 417 00:26:54,193 --> 00:26:58,177 You go disguise yourself as a tomato... 418 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:01,300 and infiltrate their camp. 419 00:27:35,712 --> 00:27:37,445 Yes. Thank you. 420 00:27:39,384 --> 00:27:41,854 - Hi. - Mr. Richardson to see Mr. Swann. 421 00:27:41,879 --> 00:27:43,667 Yes, sir. He's expecting you. 422 00:27:43,700 --> 00:27:44,856 I'll let him know you're here. 423 00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:45,880 Please have a seat. 424 00:27:48,834 --> 00:27:49,967 Mr. Swann? 425 00:27:50,102 --> 00:27:52,035 Mr. Richardson is here to see you. 426 00:27:54,355 --> 00:27:56,155 He'll be right with you. 427 00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:01,563 Jimbo, buddy! How are ya? How you doin'? 428 00:28:01,588 --> 00:28:03,385 - Fine. I, uh... - Super, super. 429 00:28:03,410 --> 00:28:06,310 Hey, the president tells me you have a situation, Jimbo. 430 00:28:06,433 --> 00:28:09,594 Well, let me clue you: You boys have come to the right place. 431 00:28:09,619 --> 00:28:13,519 Let me give you a peek at mindmaker in action. 432 00:28:15,552 --> 00:28:18,633 First, we have to convince the little housewife out there... 433 00:28:18,667 --> 00:28:21,067 that the tomato which ate the family pet... 434 00:28:21,100 --> 00:28:24,201 is not dangerous, no problem. 435 00:28:24,288 --> 00:28:26,767 Then we have to convince local authorities... 436 00:28:27,028 --> 00:28:29,633 that the thousands missing from rural communities... 437 00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:31,937 were merely stranded during their... 438 00:28:31,962 --> 00:28:34,883 bicentennial pilgrimage to Philadelphia. 439 00:28:34,978 --> 00:28:36,386 No problem. 440 00:28:36,862 --> 00:28:40,161 Third, the president wants us to do this in such a way... 441 00:28:40,186 --> 00:28:43,631 that it can be covered up, and no one will know it ever happened. 442 00:28:43,656 --> 00:28:45,151 That's no problem. 443 00:28:45,277 --> 00:28:47,433 But then he wants us to do this... 444 00:28:47,467 --> 00:28:51,069 and convince 200 million Americans... 445 00:28:51,094 --> 00:28:54,500 that this disaster is actually a blessing. 446 00:28:55,216 --> 00:28:57,300 Now, that's a challenge. 447 00:28:57,333 --> 00:28:59,400 I understand what you're saying, Mr. Swann. 448 00:28:59,636 --> 00:29:01,867 The president is a very demanding person. 449 00:29:02,151 --> 00:29:04,725 Sometimes he expects the impossible. 450 00:29:04,964 --> 00:29:07,688 But I don't... I never said "impossible," Richardson. 451 00:29:07,713 --> 00:29:11,500 What I said was that it was a challenge. 452 00:29:11,751 --> 00:29:15,700 Man was put on this earth to meet challenges, my boy. 453 00:29:15,733 --> 00:29:17,633 You really think you can do it? 454 00:29:17,667 --> 00:29:20,533 Can I do it? Can I do it? 455 00:29:25,233 --> 00:29:28,340 ♪ Some sell, some buy, and only we know why ♪ 456 00:29:28,365 --> 00:29:32,573 ♪ the wrap is more important than the prize ♪ 457 00:29:32,833 --> 00:29:35,867 ♪ important decisions are made each day ♪ 458 00:29:35,900 --> 00:29:38,800 ♪ much too important for the plain folk to make ♪ 459 00:29:38,833 --> 00:29:40,500 ♪ they're always in a bind ♪ 460 00:29:40,533 --> 00:29:43,100 ♪ depend on us to help make up their mind ♪ 461 00:29:44,567 --> 00:29:47,733 ♪ red box, blue box, a red box and a blue box ♪ 462 00:29:47,767 --> 00:29:50,567 ♪ bright colors and a coupon on the side ♪ 463 00:29:52,267 --> 00:29:55,000 ♪ hard sell or soft sell, it's all the same ♪ 464 00:29:55,033 --> 00:29:57,933 ♪ millions of dollar bills are spent every day ♪ 465 00:29:57,967 --> 00:29:59,700 ♪ where do they all go? 466 00:29:59,725 --> 00:30:02,058 ♪ Mindmaker's here to run the show ♪ 467 00:30:06,819 --> 00:30:08,567 ♪ we sell cars and toys for girls and boys ♪ 468 00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:10,009 ♪ and chairs and beds and shrunken heads ♪ 469 00:30:10,033 --> 00:30:12,767 ♪ sugar beets and baseball cleats and ice to eskimos ♪ 470 00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:14,500 ♪ leeks and mink and boats that sink ♪ 471 00:30:14,533 --> 00:30:17,233 ♪ no matter what, we'll get it sold ♪ 472 00:30:18,346 --> 00:30:21,671 ♪ we'll use catchy jingles, snappy tunes and pretty girls with big balloons ♪ 473 00:30:21,704 --> 00:30:24,508 ♪ a little lie, a stretch of truth can turn the public's head ♪ 474 00:30:24,533 --> 00:30:27,067 ♪ there's TV types and ad execs and everyone's the best ♪ 475 00:30:27,100 --> 00:30:30,356 ♪ and yet 476 00:30:30,652 --> 00:30:33,233 ♪ they all look up 477 00:30:33,450 --> 00:30:36,404 ♪ to a single man 478 00:30:36,429 --> 00:30:39,829 ♪ and that one single man ♪ 479 00:30:40,046 --> 00:30:42,212 ♪ is... me! 480 00:30:47,212 --> 00:30:49,900 ♪ They sell, they buy, and only I know why ♪ 481 00:30:49,933 --> 00:30:52,667 ♪ the human mind is putty in my hands ♪ 482 00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:57,433 ♪ important decisions are made each day ♪ 483 00:30:57,467 --> 00:31:00,200 ♪ much more important for the plain folk to make ♪ 484 00:31:00,233 --> 00:31:01,733 ♪ they're always in a bind ♪ 485 00:31:01,758 --> 00:31:05,323 ♪ depend on me to help make up their mind ♪ 486 00:31:06,101 --> 00:31:08,067 ♪ decision-wise 487 00:31:08,100 --> 00:31:11,500 ♪ policy-wise, demographically speaking ♪ 488 00:31:11,533 --> 00:31:14,467 ♪ mindmaker! 489 00:31:14,650 --> 00:31:18,133 Well, let's go meet that challenge, young man. 490 00:31:18,384 --> 00:31:20,180 I've already put my staff to work... 491 00:31:20,205 --> 00:31:22,173 so if you'd be good enough to stop by in the morning... 492 00:31:22,197 --> 00:31:25,164 we can take a look-see at some of the preliminary sketches. 493 00:31:27,768 --> 00:31:28,768 Roll it. 494 00:31:29,112 --> 00:31:31,738 Then I can tell the president you'll accept the assignment. 495 00:31:32,931 --> 00:31:34,842 You bet your booties. 496 00:31:35,246 --> 00:31:39,198 Traffic cops all over the country meet this challenge day to day. 497 00:31:40,067 --> 00:31:43,367 This man is like any other policeman anywhere in the country. 498 00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:46,322 He works hard and takes pride in serving people. 499 00:31:46,369 --> 00:31:48,774 Yes, he's a policeman just like any other... 500 00:31:48,990 --> 00:31:52,606 except for one thing: He is blind. 501 00:31:56,667 --> 00:31:58,700 This has been a public service announcement... 502 00:31:58,733 --> 00:32:01,333 produced for the national health foundation. 503 00:32:12,567 --> 00:32:15,733 Sir, I really don't think this is a good place to camp. 504 00:32:15,767 --> 00:32:18,000 We're not sleeping on the sidewalk. 505 00:32:18,579 --> 00:32:20,582 Do you see that big building over there? 506 00:32:20,804 --> 00:32:22,355 It's called a hotel. 507 00:32:22,380 --> 00:32:25,022 You and I are going to sleep in the hotel. 508 00:32:25,067 --> 00:32:26,916 No campfire, sir? 509 00:32:27,225 --> 00:32:28,537 No campfire. 510 00:32:28,653 --> 00:32:31,547 Well, then, what am I supposed to do with these marshmallows? 511 00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:58,874 Here's the key to my room. I'm gonna check for messages. 512 00:32:58,899 --> 00:33:00,987 - Be up in a minute. - Yes, sir. 513 00:33:11,867 --> 00:33:12,971 Pardon me. 514 00:33:12,996 --> 00:33:16,733 Do you have any messages for Mason Dixon in room 401? 515 00:33:52,667 --> 00:33:53,900 Excuse me. 516 00:33:54,567 --> 00:33:56,133 May I have the key to room 401? 517 00:33:56,167 --> 00:33:58,800 I... I seem to have misplaced mine. 518 00:34:03,100 --> 00:34:04,108 Thank you. 519 00:34:05,587 --> 00:34:07,177 Pray-Tel records presents... 520 00:34:07,202 --> 00:34:09,200 21 great dead beats. 521 00:34:09,233 --> 00:34:11,533 You get the best of Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, 522 00:34:11,567 --> 00:34:13,533 Otis Redding, Buddy Holly, Jim Croce... 523 00:34:17,396 --> 00:34:20,454 It's the evening news with Charles Collingsmith... 524 00:34:20,922 --> 00:34:22,772 Turn that thing off, will ya? 525 00:34:22,829 --> 00:34:24,796 Let's get some sleep. 526 00:34:25,742 --> 00:34:27,101 Marshmallow? 527 00:35:13,987 --> 00:35:16,938 Oh. I'm... I'm terribly sorry. 528 00:35:16,963 --> 00:35:19,433 I-I mean, I thought this was my... 529 00:35:19,467 --> 00:35:20,912 Really. You know. 530 00:35:21,674 --> 00:35:23,031 What was that? 531 00:35:23,105 --> 00:35:25,862 - A strumpet, sir. - A what? 532 00:35:26,300 --> 00:35:29,700 A harlot. A trollop. A lady of the evening. 533 00:35:29,923 --> 00:35:32,423 Go to sleep, finletter! 534 00:35:58,333 --> 00:35:59,333 Hmm? 535 00:36:00,958 --> 00:36:02,466 Wh-what? 536 00:36:03,392 --> 00:36:04,453 Where? 537 00:36:05,881 --> 00:36:07,433 I'll be right there. 538 00:36:12,694 --> 00:36:14,804 - Breakfast, sir. - No time! 539 00:36:14,829 --> 00:36:17,733 - But... your vitamins. - No time! 540 00:36:18,404 --> 00:36:19,867 Now, listen. This is important. 541 00:36:20,126 --> 00:36:21,543 You've got to go down and warn Gretta... 542 00:36:21,567 --> 00:36:23,667 that there's tomato activity in sector 2. 543 00:36:23,692 --> 00:36:26,167 You got that? No matter what happens, you tell her. 544 00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:27,833 - Yes, sir. - We interrupt this program... 545 00:36:27,867 --> 00:36:29,733 to bring you a special bulletin. 546 00:36:29,758 --> 00:36:32,658 The following is an NBS hotline bulletin... 547 00:36:32,692 --> 00:36:35,225 with Douglas Keikler in New York. 548 00:36:35,461 --> 00:36:37,767 NBS... the network that brings you... 549 00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:39,700 the news as it happens... 550 00:36:39,733 --> 00:36:42,601 brings you these bulletins in times of emergency... 551 00:36:42,663 --> 00:36:45,338 the news you need to know when you need to know it... 552 00:36:45,363 --> 00:36:49,667 on NBS, the network of the news. 553 00:36:50,015 --> 00:36:52,333 This NBS news hotline bulletin... 554 00:36:52,367 --> 00:36:55,033 is brought to you by Schritz Beer. 555 00:36:55,292 --> 00:36:58,200 You're never too drunk to ask for Schritz. 556 00:36:58,295 --> 00:37:01,249 And by Bright Gums, the toothpaste... 557 00:37:01,274 --> 00:37:04,459 for people without teeth or dentures. 558 00:37:04,783 --> 00:37:06,217 And by... 559 00:37:30,700 --> 00:37:32,933 What is it, Spot? What's in there? 560 00:37:32,967 --> 00:37:34,967 Gosh, Billy, i don't know. 561 00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:36,967 You stay there. I'll go look. 562 00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:39,367 Spot? Spot? 563 00:38:01,916 --> 00:38:05,067 - What are those red circles, sir? - Machine gun emplacements. 564 00:38:05,100 --> 00:38:07,067 We've got the whole valley surrounded with them. 565 00:38:07,267 --> 00:38:09,197 I don't think we can hold them very long, though. 566 00:38:09,222 --> 00:38:12,106 And that green line, that's their furthest point of advance? 567 00:38:12,131 --> 00:38:13,920 - That's right. - Uh-huh. 568 00:38:13,945 --> 00:38:15,253 What are the blue dots? 569 00:38:15,278 --> 00:38:16,903 Those are mobil stations. 570 00:38:17,533 --> 00:38:18,288 Oh. 571 00:38:20,156 --> 00:38:21,900 That must be major mills. 572 00:38:21,933 --> 00:38:23,633 - Take over. - Yes, sir! 573 00:38:28,952 --> 00:38:30,413 I'm glad you could make it, sir. 574 00:38:30,438 --> 00:38:32,103 I think we've got something that will interest you. 575 00:38:32,219 --> 00:38:33,228 So I've been told. 576 00:38:33,467 --> 00:38:35,267 Dixon, I want you to see this. 577 00:38:35,490 --> 00:38:36,466 Captain? 578 00:38:36,892 --> 00:38:37,736 Yes, sir. 579 00:38:52,540 --> 00:38:53,429 Sir... 580 00:38:53,700 --> 00:38:56,200 we've captured a giant tomato. 581 00:39:10,203 --> 00:39:13,115 I'm afraid, gentlemen, that what we have here before us... 582 00:39:14,747 --> 00:39:16,057 isn't what we thought. 583 00:39:16,288 --> 00:39:17,429 You don't mean... 584 00:39:18,405 --> 00:39:19,131 This... 585 00:39:20,083 --> 00:39:21,654 may god help us... 586 00:39:24,072 --> 00:39:26,139 is a cherry tomato. 587 00:41:03,045 --> 00:41:05,165 Mr. Dixon has ordered me to inform you... 588 00:41:05,190 --> 00:41:07,233 that there's tomato activity in your sector. 589 00:41:31,252 --> 00:41:34,435 All right, who wants to be paper monitor? 590 00:41:39,473 --> 00:41:42,250 I'm telling you, J.B., it's a great idea. 591 00:41:42,275 --> 00:41:45,133 The first adult breakfast cereal: 592 00:41:45,317 --> 00:41:47,233 Kinky crispies. 593 00:41:47,517 --> 00:41:49,749 Comes in three delicious flavors... 594 00:41:49,774 --> 00:41:51,920 Good afternoon, Mr. Swann. 595 00:41:53,047 --> 00:41:55,767 I'll call you back, J.B. Bye. 596 00:41:56,169 --> 00:41:58,328 Jimbo! How's it going? 597 00:41:58,353 --> 00:42:00,267 I believe that's my question. 598 00:42:00,698 --> 00:42:03,525 Right. Fun-NY! 599 00:42:04,049 --> 00:42:06,703 Well, let me tell you, we've been going great bananas. 600 00:42:07,196 --> 00:42:09,367 Sit down, make yourself comfortable. 601 00:42:09,857 --> 00:42:12,583 I asked myself, "what do we need"? 602 00:42:12,837 --> 00:42:14,375 "Something original... 603 00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:17,349 something that strikes at the very heart of the matter." 604 00:42:17,374 --> 00:42:19,292 And here it is! 605 00:42:20,467 --> 00:42:23,233 Mindmaker at its best! 606 00:42:23,267 --> 00:42:25,267 Who can argue with that? 607 00:42:31,366 --> 00:42:33,766 And there's more. Listen to this. 608 00:42:38,542 --> 00:42:41,200 Giant tomatoes mean bigger pizzas! 609 00:42:41,233 --> 00:42:44,767 - Rolling on 2. - ♪ if you're feeling sad and blue ♪ 610 00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:47,255 ♪ tomatoes end it all for you ♪ 611 00:42:47,679 --> 00:42:50,145 last year, more people were killed... 612 00:42:50,267 --> 00:42:53,533 by automobile accidents, heart attacks... 613 00:42:53,567 --> 00:42:56,518 lung cancer, and natural causes combined... 614 00:42:56,621 --> 00:42:58,482 than by any one tomato. 615 00:42:59,013 --> 00:43:00,567 Pretty classy, huh? 616 00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:01,947 With a capital "K." 617 00:43:01,972 --> 00:43:03,907 Right. And Mr. Secretary, 618 00:43:03,932 --> 00:43:06,249 being a public relations man yourself... 619 00:43:06,274 --> 00:43:09,029 you understand the value of symbols. 620 00:43:09,199 --> 00:43:12,766 Well, we have spent a great deal of time and effort... 621 00:43:12,791 --> 00:43:16,983 and over a million dollars to create a symbol which will wage this battle... 622 00:43:17,076 --> 00:43:19,470 an effort that will become known as... 623 00:43:19,495 --> 00:43:22,330 the "stop tomato program." 624 00:43:23,445 --> 00:43:24,572 I see. 625 00:43:24,893 --> 00:43:27,718 It all looks quite... Extraordinary. 626 00:43:27,749 --> 00:43:28,970 Thank you. 627 00:43:29,010 --> 00:43:31,928 Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll be on my way. 628 00:43:31,953 --> 00:43:33,541 Just a moment. One more thing... 629 00:43:33,566 --> 00:43:35,100 before you leave, Mr. Secretary. 630 00:43:35,133 --> 00:43:37,021 I'd really like you to see this. 631 00:43:37,046 --> 00:43:39,930 It's something I've worked on for many years... 632 00:43:39,955 --> 00:43:43,467 the culmination of years of effort: 633 00:43:43,812 --> 00:43:46,843 The world's ultimate commercial. 634 00:43:46,918 --> 00:43:48,177 Roll it. 635 00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:53,920 Hi. 636 00:43:54,260 --> 00:43:56,627 Jesus Christ for Technitron. 637 00:44:14,966 --> 00:44:16,433 The nation is in chaos. 638 00:44:16,467 --> 00:44:19,019 Can nothing stop this tomato onslaught? 639 00:44:19,044 --> 00:44:21,503 Last night, tomatoes attacked Los Angeles... 640 00:44:23,233 --> 00:44:24,433 Boston. 641 00:44:26,125 --> 00:44:27,558 Seattle. 642 00:44:29,631 --> 00:44:30,911 Chicago. 643 00:44:32,718 --> 00:44:34,500 Even the mere mention of the word... 644 00:44:34,533 --> 00:44:37,500 is sufficient to induce panic. 645 00:44:44,188 --> 00:44:45,722 Tomato. 646 00:44:57,800 --> 00:44:59,638 More news at the hour. 647 00:44:59,920 --> 00:45:03,657 Now back to the rocking sound of the boober on super 101. 648 00:45:03,682 --> 00:45:06,385 All right! Man, that's really something, huh? 649 00:45:06,894 --> 00:45:10,294 Hey, everybody, I'm gonna play something... 650 00:45:11,502 --> 00:45:12,343 That's right, man. 651 00:45:12,368 --> 00:45:14,100 It's number one in the charts this week... 652 00:45:14,133 --> 00:45:17,118 The heavy sound of Ronny Desmond's "Puberty Love." 653 00:45:17,189 --> 00:45:18,824 ♪ Puberty 654 00:45:19,258 --> 00:45:21,073 ♪ puberty love 655 00:45:21,513 --> 00:45:25,313 ♪ there is nothing like puberty love ♪ 656 00:45:46,867 --> 00:45:49,759 While the federal agencies involved have declared... 657 00:45:49,784 --> 00:45:52,548 that the necessary information has not been forwarded... 658 00:45:52,588 --> 00:45:55,959 to state agencies for their respective review and approval... 659 00:45:56,205 --> 00:45:58,333 we cannot ignore local pleas... 660 00:45:58,358 --> 00:45:59,999 for inter-governmental cooperation... 661 00:46:00,024 --> 00:46:02,167 in what is obviously an affair... 662 00:46:02,200 --> 00:46:04,887 best suited for international actions. 663 00:46:05,353 --> 00:46:08,161 This is a question best left to people... 664 00:46:08,401 --> 00:46:11,100 for whom there is no spokesman greater... 665 00:46:11,507 --> 00:46:13,983 than those who speak... 666 00:46:25,833 --> 00:46:28,300 And then I put my foot to the floor... 667 00:46:28,333 --> 00:46:30,715 and I got out of there as fast as I could. 668 00:46:31,153 --> 00:46:32,964 It was all very strange. 669 00:46:33,123 --> 00:46:34,421 I... I just don't know what to think. 670 00:46:34,445 --> 00:46:37,326 You made no unusual motions of any kind? 671 00:46:37,869 --> 00:46:39,448 Not to my knowledge. 672 00:46:39,828 --> 00:46:40,828 Odd. 673 00:46:41,350 --> 00:46:44,217 Were there any loud noises or other extraneous activity... 674 00:46:44,242 --> 00:46:47,601 which might have affected the tomatoes' behavior, such as... 675 00:46:47,814 --> 00:46:50,499 an airplane or another car in the vicinity? 676 00:46:50,524 --> 00:46:52,367 I'm almost sure there wasn't. 677 00:46:52,932 --> 00:46:54,467 If you'll excuse me, gentlemen... 678 00:46:54,500 --> 00:46:56,404 I really have to be getting back to Washington. 679 00:46:56,429 --> 00:46:58,589 That's fine. Give my regards to the president. 680 00:46:58,614 --> 00:47:01,480 - I'll do that, captain. - It's "major." 681 00:47:01,867 --> 00:47:02,944 Of course. 682 00:47:03,728 --> 00:47:06,438 Priority-one message for Mr. Dixon, sir. 683 00:47:07,649 --> 00:47:10,233 - A phone call for you. - Oh, thank you. 684 00:47:10,258 --> 00:47:12,453 I'll need one of those for my records too. 685 00:47:12,653 --> 00:47:14,288 I'll need one for my files. 686 00:47:14,313 --> 00:47:16,280 And don't forget the major. 687 00:47:52,667 --> 00:47:54,342 - Yeah? - Trouble, sir. 688 00:47:54,367 --> 00:47:55,927 - Hello? - Trouble, sir. 689 00:47:55,952 --> 00:47:56,952 What? 690 00:47:57,111 --> 00:47:59,411 I haven't seen Dixon all day. 691 00:47:59,625 --> 00:48:02,577 I've been following his assistant, but that's getting me nowhere. 692 00:48:02,602 --> 00:48:04,985 - "Followed"? By who? - Following who? 693 00:48:05,067 --> 00:48:06,867 - His assistant. - A spy. 694 00:48:06,900 --> 00:48:08,733 - A spy? - That's right. 695 00:48:08,767 --> 00:48:09,933 Well, what's he look like? 696 00:48:09,967 --> 00:48:11,706 Medium height, medium build. 697 00:48:11,731 --> 00:48:12,768 It's a "she," sir. 698 00:48:13,082 --> 00:48:14,759 You know, the strumpet last night. 699 00:48:14,813 --> 00:48:16,850 - The one with the big... - Guns and a sword... 700 00:48:16,875 --> 00:48:18,408 - With long, blonde... - Parachute... 701 00:48:18,433 --> 00:48:20,200 - Sunglasses... - Combat boots... 702 00:48:20,233 --> 00:48:22,767 - And a dress. - Nothing suspicious about that. 703 00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:25,627 - You can't be serious. - What shall I do? 704 00:48:25,833 --> 00:48:29,067 Look, I thought I made it perfectly clear. 705 00:48:29,433 --> 00:48:31,895 I don't think you've made use of all your potential... 706 00:48:31,920 --> 00:48:32,900 if you know what I mean. 707 00:48:32,933 --> 00:48:35,000 Look, you're obviously tired. 708 00:48:35,137 --> 00:48:36,800 Why don't you go take a nap? 709 00:48:36,833 --> 00:48:40,000 - You mean, go to bed? - I couldn't do that! 710 00:48:40,033 --> 00:48:43,033 - Why not? You're a woman. - I resent that. 711 00:48:43,067 --> 00:48:45,400 I didn't say that you were incompetent. 712 00:48:45,424 --> 00:48:48,117 I just think you could use a rest. 713 00:48:48,340 --> 00:48:50,631 Yes, sir. But I... 714 00:48:50,678 --> 00:48:54,133 Well, I'll do my best, sir. 715 00:48:54,684 --> 00:48:56,700 - Goodbye. - Goodbye. 716 00:48:56,733 --> 00:48:57,733 Goodbye. 717 00:49:02,128 --> 00:49:03,128 Operator? 718 00:49:03,656 --> 00:49:04,992 Operator, I, uh... 719 00:49:05,017 --> 00:49:08,172 I've gotten a wrong number. I'd like my dime back. 720 00:49:21,950 --> 00:49:23,267 Hi, there. 721 00:49:25,109 --> 00:49:27,819 - Hello. - Listen, about last night. 722 00:49:27,844 --> 00:49:30,951 It was an accident. I really didn't mean... 723 00:49:31,157 --> 00:49:32,967 It was a dark night. I mean... 724 00:49:33,333 --> 00:49:35,933 the lights were off, and it got dark. 725 00:49:36,613 --> 00:49:38,196 I mean, it was dark... 726 00:49:39,370 --> 00:49:40,483 and it was light earlier. 727 00:49:40,508 --> 00:49:41,843 You want to go to bed? 728 00:49:42,464 --> 00:49:44,067 Uh, excuse me, ma'am? 729 00:49:44,162 --> 00:49:46,233 - Uh... - I've got to go to bed. 730 00:50:44,582 --> 00:50:47,267 I don't think you've made use of all your potential... 731 00:50:47,300 --> 00:50:48,185 if you know what I mean. 732 00:50:48,210 --> 00:50:51,077 All your potential. Potential. Potential. Potential. 733 00:51:18,874 --> 00:51:19,933 I, uh... 734 00:51:23,198 --> 00:51:25,340 I was right. I was right! 735 00:51:25,782 --> 00:51:27,325 A spy! 736 00:52:17,083 --> 00:52:18,516 Did you warn Gretta? 737 00:52:18,899 --> 00:52:22,933 Uh, yes, sir, but she was already dead. 738 00:52:23,490 --> 00:52:24,658 It figures. 739 00:52:57,296 --> 00:52:59,896 Attention. Attention. 740 00:53:00,200 --> 00:53:02,200 The 56th combat support group... 741 00:53:02,225 --> 00:53:04,158 will depart at 0900 hours. 742 00:53:04,286 --> 00:53:08,419 All 3rd division personnel report to the 5th division staging area. 743 00:53:08,579 --> 00:53:10,646 All 5th division personnel report to... 744 00:53:10,671 --> 00:53:12,705 the 3rd division staging area. 745 00:53:12,857 --> 00:53:15,624 Will the driver of tank 38421... 746 00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:17,587 please go to the parking lot? 747 00:53:17,612 --> 00:53:19,512 Your lights are on. 748 00:53:24,568 --> 00:53:26,374 Had a few setbacks during the night. 749 00:53:26,399 --> 00:53:27,399 Serious? 750 00:53:27,429 --> 00:53:28,930 Well, it depends on your point of view. 751 00:53:28,954 --> 00:53:30,967 Did you have any relatives in Wyoming? 752 00:53:31,263 --> 00:53:32,292 Say again? 753 00:53:33,017 --> 00:53:34,917 "Arkansas"? Are you sure? 754 00:53:37,653 --> 00:53:39,186 Arkansas. 755 00:53:40,719 --> 00:53:43,053 What's the situation? 756 00:53:45,975 --> 00:53:47,943 Prime intelligence tells us... 757 00:53:48,014 --> 00:53:49,673 that the tomatoes are amassing for a final... 758 00:53:49,698 --> 00:53:51,220 all-out attack on the nation. 759 00:53:51,555 --> 00:53:52,774 Our top brass... 760 00:53:52,799 --> 00:53:55,279 wants us to concentrate our forces here on the coast. 761 00:53:55,733 --> 00:53:57,658 If we can hold them here, we can win. 762 00:53:58,161 --> 00:53:59,026 If not... 763 00:53:59,051 --> 00:54:00,393 Is there anything i can do, major? 764 00:54:00,534 --> 00:54:02,834 Yes. The President wants your personal report. 765 00:54:02,908 --> 00:54:05,508 Call him on the red line at 1100 hours. 766 00:54:05,652 --> 00:54:06,925 Be back here tonight. 767 00:54:07,257 --> 00:54:09,257 We'll need every man we can get. 768 00:54:09,464 --> 00:54:11,404 Damn it, Dixon, this is war! 769 00:54:11,586 --> 00:54:12,618 Very good, sir. 770 00:54:21,245 --> 00:54:21,990 Sir, I... 771 00:54:22,015 --> 00:54:23,402 I think somebody's shooting at you. 772 00:54:23,571 --> 00:54:25,216 Where do you think... 773 00:56:09,943 --> 00:56:11,443 So you can see, Mr. Dixon... 774 00:56:11,541 --> 00:56:14,174 we have no choice but to make our stand out west. 775 00:56:14,199 --> 00:56:15,699 And I want you to make sure... 776 00:56:15,790 --> 00:56:17,821 that our military people out there... 777 00:56:17,846 --> 00:56:19,608 in that region understand and are aware... 778 00:56:19,633 --> 00:56:21,635 of their enormous responsibility. 779 00:56:21,933 --> 00:56:23,733 I'm sure they are,Mr. President. 780 00:56:24,004 --> 00:56:26,540 By the way, have you seen Jim Richardson out there? 781 00:56:26,567 --> 00:56:29,422 Just briefly. How's the ad campaign going? 782 00:56:29,447 --> 00:56:31,377 Excellent. My mail's running... 783 00:56:31,402 --> 00:56:33,562 30 to 1 in favor of the tomatoes. 784 00:56:34,167 --> 00:56:35,413 Terrific. 785 00:56:35,789 --> 00:56:37,677 Oh, God, i almost forgot. 786 00:56:37,979 --> 00:56:39,845 - Shirley? - Yes, sir? 787 00:56:40,149 --> 00:56:42,325 I want you to get general Mitchell on the line. 788 00:56:42,367 --> 00:56:44,648 Tell him to bomb New York City. 789 00:56:45,127 --> 00:56:46,349 But, Mr. President... 790 00:56:46,374 --> 00:56:49,074 the tomatoes are not even close to New York City. 791 00:56:49,190 --> 00:56:51,246 Listen, you worry about your problems... 792 00:56:51,271 --> 00:56:52,595 and I'll worry about mine. 793 00:56:54,040 --> 00:56:55,164 Yes, sir. 794 00:57:00,672 --> 00:57:02,438 - Is that the last pen? - Yes, sir. 795 00:57:02,519 --> 00:57:04,319 Thank god. 796 00:57:16,721 --> 00:57:19,069 Hey, will somebody please pass the ketchup? 797 00:57:29,253 --> 00:57:30,787 As you were. 798 00:57:30,812 --> 00:57:32,379 Order, arms. 799 00:57:36,685 --> 00:57:38,106 The men look ready, major. 800 00:57:38,242 --> 00:57:40,076 As ready as they'll ever be, Dixon. 801 00:57:42,120 --> 00:57:43,386 You know, Dixon... 802 00:57:43,411 --> 00:57:45,977 a man stops to think at a time like this... 803 00:57:46,115 --> 00:57:47,363 about his home... 804 00:57:47,802 --> 00:57:50,468 his wife, his kids. 805 00:57:51,367 --> 00:57:53,300 - You married, major? - No. 806 00:57:53,567 --> 00:57:54,567 Me either. 807 00:57:55,816 --> 00:57:59,267 I wonder what the tomatoes are thinking about right now. 808 00:58:38,175 --> 00:58:40,667 ♪ We stopped 809 00:58:40,692 --> 00:58:45,225 ♪ the Germans in '45 810 00:58:45,309 --> 00:58:47,709 ♪ then we crushed 811 00:58:47,751 --> 00:58:52,423 - ♪ the Viet Cong - ♪ almost 812 00:58:52,448 --> 00:58:55,800 ♪ for a greater glory 813 00:58:55,833 --> 00:58:59,333 ♪ we could never strive ♪ 814 00:58:59,467 --> 00:59:02,054 ♪ this crop uprising 815 00:59:02,079 --> 00:59:06,187 ♪ will not last long 816 00:59:09,433 --> 00:59:12,333 ♪ ain't no time to make a fuss ♪ 817 00:59:12,367 --> 00:59:14,500 ♪ we got to get those tomatoes ♪ 818 00:59:14,533 --> 00:59:16,083 ♪ before they get us 819 00:59:16,107 --> 00:59:19,705 ♪ we're gonna beat 'em, mash 'em, squish 'em, bash 'em in the street ♪ 820 00:59:19,730 --> 00:59:23,271 ♪ we're gonna kick 'em, kick 'em, mush 'em, crush 'em with our feet ♪ 821 00:59:23,296 --> 00:59:25,715 ♪ we're gonna meet them, munch them, 822 00:59:25,740 --> 00:59:28,395 crunch them, gonna stomp 'em in place ♪ 823 00:59:28,420 --> 00:59:30,908 - Yeah. - Yeah. 824 00:59:30,933 --> 00:59:33,997 ♪ T-o-m-a-t 825 00:59:34,022 --> 00:59:37,477 ♪ o-e-s tomatoes ♪ 826 00:59:37,502 --> 00:59:41,069 ♪ we'll squish them, we'll mash them ♪ 827 00:59:41,113 --> 00:59:44,571 ♪ we'll mush them we'll crush them ♪ 828 00:59:45,259 --> 00:59:48,465 ♪ we stopped to negotiate at the first attack ♪ 829 00:59:48,794 --> 00:59:51,881 ♪ we gave'em Alabama but they gave it right back ♪ 830 00:59:52,200 --> 00:59:55,500 ♪ tomatoes, tomatoes 831 00:59:55,985 --> 00:59:57,652 ♪ tomatoes 832 00:59:59,500 --> 01:00:02,685 ♪ they said we'd live together like sister and brother ♪ 833 01:00:02,710 --> 01:00:06,460 ♪ but they captured a cannery and bottled my mother ♪ 834 01:00:06,485 --> 01:00:09,600 ♪ now she's at the store and they'll soon be back for more ♪ 835 01:00:09,633 --> 01:00:11,301 ♪ those tomatoes 836 01:00:11,844 --> 01:00:13,063 ♪ tomatoes 837 01:01:31,367 --> 01:01:33,667 Across the length and breadth of the nation... 838 01:01:33,700 --> 01:01:36,493 the tomatoes continue on their rampage... 839 01:01:36,518 --> 01:01:38,172 of wanton destruction... 840 01:01:38,406 --> 01:01:39,537 Burning. 841 01:01:40,147 --> 01:01:41,385 Pillaging. 842 01:01:42,658 --> 01:01:43,794 Raping. 843 01:01:57,800 --> 01:01:59,763 Let's shoot it from over there, huh, Bill? 844 01:02:00,911 --> 01:02:02,093 Come on over here, lady. 845 01:02:02,118 --> 01:02:03,758 Stand by over here for just a minute, huh? 846 01:02:03,941 --> 01:02:05,355 Okay, don't go away. 847 01:02:06,326 --> 01:02:08,483 We start with a tight shot, huh, Bill? 848 01:02:08,818 --> 01:02:10,207 Tell me when you're ready. 849 01:02:10,610 --> 01:02:11,610 Don't run off. 850 01:02:15,718 --> 01:02:18,669 Across this great nation, almost everyone has been affected... 851 01:02:18,694 --> 01:02:21,131 in one way or another by this terrible tomato onslaught. 852 01:02:21,156 --> 01:02:23,342 Mrs. Williams, I understand your husband is missing. 853 01:02:23,453 --> 01:02:24,638 - Yes, he is. - Do you think he's dead? 854 01:02:24,662 --> 01:02:25,942 - Well, I... - Will you miss him? 855 01:02:26,344 --> 01:02:27,617 Will you marry again? 856 01:02:28,000 --> 01:02:29,633 What if he's laying in a ditch somewhere... 857 01:02:29,667 --> 01:02:31,567 with both legs broken, calling your name? 858 01:02:31,592 --> 01:02:32,107 Stop! 859 01:02:32,132 --> 01:02:34,307 You will have to find another man, you know. 860 01:02:34,332 --> 01:02:35,575 You're no spring chicken. 861 01:02:35,831 --> 01:02:37,698 What are you going to do, Mrs. Williams? 862 01:02:38,678 --> 01:02:40,233 Can you answer my quest... 863 01:02:40,488 --> 01:02:42,086 Please look into the camera. 864 01:02:42,111 --> 01:02:43,530 Get away from me! 865 01:02:45,653 --> 01:02:48,120 Last night's crushing military defeat 866 01:02:48,145 --> 01:02:50,300 may spell the end for humanity. 867 01:02:50,595 --> 01:02:53,665 The shattered remnants of a once-proud civilization... 868 01:02:53,690 --> 01:02:57,361 lay scattered amongst crushed spirits and broken bodies. 869 01:02:57,544 --> 01:03:00,828 Lawlessness is rampant, panic stalks the streets, 870 01:03:01,025 --> 01:03:02,540 and personal grooming habits... 871 01:03:02,567 --> 01:03:04,967 have reached an all-time low. 872 01:04:36,834 --> 01:04:38,867 I'll tell you now what's coming up... 873 01:04:38,892 --> 01:04:41,841 It's the song that's sweeping the country, number one all over... 874 01:04:41,866 --> 01:04:45,078 from the west coast to the east coast, every coast in between... 875 01:04:45,103 --> 01:04:45,766 Yeah, that's right. 876 01:04:45,791 --> 01:04:47,657 You've been asking for it, you've been waiting for it. 877 01:04:47,681 --> 01:04:51,315 Here it is, boys and gals, it's Ronny Desmond's "Puberty Love"! 878 01:04:51,370 --> 01:04:54,438 ♪ Puberty, puberty love ♪ 879 01:04:56,105 --> 01:04:59,867 ♪ there is nothing like puberty love ♪ 880 01:05:00,334 --> 01:05:02,033 ♪ it's so deep 881 01:05:02,519 --> 01:05:04,533 ♪ it's so cool 882 01:05:31,498 --> 01:05:34,431 Get out of the car! Hurry up, move! 883 01:06:54,053 --> 01:06:55,145 Hey! 884 01:07:00,048 --> 01:07:02,333 - Sir? Sir? - What? 885 01:07:02,367 --> 01:07:05,337 - Sir! Sir! - I'm driving! 886 01:07:10,367 --> 01:07:12,667 There's something wrong with the car! 887 01:07:12,700 --> 01:07:14,405 We'll get them, Finletter! 888 01:07:14,430 --> 01:07:18,396 - We can catch it, sir! - Don't worry! 889 01:07:52,539 --> 01:07:53,875 Freeze! 890 01:08:12,900 --> 01:08:14,859 Good afternoon, Mr. Dixon. 891 01:08:15,399 --> 01:08:16,859 Had a pleasant nap? 892 01:08:17,700 --> 01:08:20,481 Richardson. I'm not surprised. 893 01:08:21,675 --> 01:08:22,600 Mr. Dixon... 894 01:08:22,633 --> 01:08:24,908 I didn't really think you would be. 895 01:08:25,467 --> 01:08:27,035 That's why you're here. 896 01:08:27,752 --> 01:08:29,367 What do you intend to do with me? 897 01:08:29,400 --> 01:08:31,993 Mr. Dixon, don't be so naive. 898 01:08:32,353 --> 01:08:35,861 You are the only one with the knowledge that can stop me. 899 01:08:36,397 --> 01:08:38,343 Don't be a fool, Richardson. You don't have a chance. 900 01:08:38,367 --> 01:08:40,932 You know very well I do. 901 01:08:42,403 --> 01:08:43,403 You know... 902 01:08:44,786 --> 01:08:46,738 It's funny, Dixon. 903 01:08:49,721 --> 01:08:52,632 No man sits closer to power... 904 01:08:52,657 --> 01:08:56,444 than the Press Secretary to the President of the United States. 905 01:08:58,098 --> 01:09:00,131 And yet as close as it is... 906 01:09:00,840 --> 01:09:04,244 that power is never really within your grasp. 907 01:09:04,567 --> 01:09:06,738 It dangles before you... 908 01:09:07,112 --> 01:09:09,397 taunting, daring... 909 01:09:10,048 --> 01:09:11,702 mocking your very impotence. 910 01:09:11,727 --> 01:09:14,627 I will not be mocked anymore! 911 01:09:15,173 --> 01:09:16,886 I will no longer give... 912 01:09:17,179 --> 01:09:20,717 other people's answers to other people's questions. 913 01:09:21,723 --> 01:09:23,754 The answers will be mine. 914 01:09:24,403 --> 01:09:26,726 The questions will be mine. 915 01:09:27,762 --> 01:09:29,969 Everything will be mine. 916 01:09:31,271 --> 01:09:33,759 It'll be glorious, Dixon. 917 01:09:34,006 --> 01:09:36,673 It's too bad you won't be around to see it. 918 01:09:37,359 --> 01:09:39,145 What makes you think that you can... 919 01:09:39,210 --> 01:09:42,744 control these tomatoes better than anyone else? 920 01:09:44,063 --> 01:09:45,467 Questions, questions. 921 01:09:45,500 --> 01:09:47,206 You missed your calling. 922 01:09:49,006 --> 01:09:52,530 Mr. Dixon, have you had lunch yet? 923 01:09:53,434 --> 01:09:56,122 Here. Have a tomato. 924 01:09:57,384 --> 01:09:58,767 Don't be afraid. 925 01:09:58,800 --> 01:10:01,767 It's really quite small and quite harmless. 926 01:10:02,601 --> 01:10:04,112 It's from my garden. 927 01:10:06,957 --> 01:10:08,985 You might say that I'm... 928 01:10:09,700 --> 01:10:12,700 In tune with my tomatoes. 929 01:10:17,901 --> 01:10:19,305 At the proper time... 930 01:10:19,330 --> 01:10:24,167 when all vestiges of authority have disappeared... 931 01:10:24,326 --> 01:10:26,733 I shall charge in on my white stallion... 932 01:10:26,767 --> 01:10:28,380 and save the nation... 933 01:10:28,731 --> 01:10:30,459 or what's left of it. 934 01:10:31,471 --> 01:10:34,939 My fellow citizens will be eternally grateful. 935 01:10:35,452 --> 01:10:37,600 At the very least, they'll surely choose... 936 01:10:37,633 --> 01:10:39,700 my benevolent leadership... 937 01:10:39,733 --> 01:10:42,500 over the obvious alternative. 938 01:10:44,812 --> 01:10:47,279 It shall be my Golden moment. 939 01:10:51,800 --> 01:10:53,257 But, Mr. Dixon... 940 01:10:53,575 --> 01:10:56,333 I'm afraid these are your final moments. 941 01:10:56,967 --> 01:10:59,636 You're awfully confident for a man who has failed twice. 942 01:11:00,287 --> 01:11:03,467 Three times, but who's counting? 943 01:11:04,051 --> 01:11:05,640 I don't think you can do it. 944 01:11:06,488 --> 01:11:08,833 You know, Dixon, you may be right. 945 01:11:09,301 --> 01:11:11,748 I've never killed a man before. 946 01:11:12,544 --> 01:11:14,610 You may be right. 947 01:11:18,791 --> 01:11:19,900 Who's there? 948 01:11:19,933 --> 01:11:22,228 U.P.S. package for you. 949 01:11:25,747 --> 01:11:27,314 Come in. 950 01:11:40,360 --> 01:11:41,606 Then again... 951 01:11:42,577 --> 01:11:45,410 - you may be wrong. - Wait. 952 01:11:47,228 --> 01:11:48,873 Before you pull that trigger... 953 01:11:49,813 --> 01:11:51,267 tell me how you do it. 954 01:11:51,836 --> 01:11:52,967 Really. 955 01:11:54,180 --> 01:11:56,080 How melodramatic. 956 01:11:57,393 --> 01:12:00,253 Very well. It's really quite simple. 957 01:12:00,557 --> 01:12:02,705 You see, all I do is... 958 01:12:11,174 --> 01:12:12,824 A real bad apple, sir. 959 01:12:13,007 --> 01:12:15,086 It's a good thing we got him. 960 01:12:44,521 --> 01:12:46,587 Finletter! Finletter! 961 01:12:47,055 --> 01:12:49,451 We've got to round up everybody in the city. You got that? 962 01:12:49,476 --> 01:12:51,819 And meet me in the stadium. There's no time to lose. 963 01:12:51,844 --> 01:12:53,767 But, sir, everybody's left town. 964 01:12:53,800 --> 01:12:55,277 The only people left will be crazy people. 965 01:12:55,301 --> 01:12:57,868 I don't care! Just do it! Move! 966 01:12:58,190 --> 01:12:59,190 Sir... 967 01:13:20,667 --> 01:13:22,494 Then it's unanimously agreed... 968 01:13:22,519 --> 01:13:24,300 that the committee recommend... 969 01:13:24,333 --> 01:13:27,167 that no further action will be taken at this time. 970 01:14:24,217 --> 01:14:25,704 I've got it! 971 01:14:27,123 --> 01:14:29,357 I've got it! 972 01:14:38,821 --> 01:14:41,123 Hey, guys, look! They're starting to come! 973 01:14:41,148 --> 01:14:42,346 They're coming! 974 01:15:14,733 --> 01:15:16,733 Turn on the record player! 975 01:15:16,767 --> 01:15:18,586 Cover your ears! Everyone! 976 01:15:18,619 --> 01:15:22,463 ♪ Puberty, puberty love 977 01:15:23,090 --> 01:15:27,200 ♪ there's nothing like puberty love ♪ 978 01:15:27,547 --> 01:15:31,742 ♪ it's so great, it's so cool ♪ 979 01:15:34,257 --> 01:15:37,924 Look! The tomatoes! It's working, it's working! 980 01:15:59,434 --> 01:16:01,334 Charge! 981 01:18:34,500 --> 01:18:37,180 I want to thank you for saving my life. 982 01:18:38,045 --> 01:18:39,912 Just doing my job, lady. 983 01:18:42,099 --> 01:18:45,500 Well, I guess there's nothing more to say. 984 01:18:46,005 --> 01:18:47,467 Bye, Mr. Dixon. 985 01:18:48,476 --> 01:18:49,700 Goodbye, miss Fairchild. 986 01:18:49,931 --> 01:18:50,969 "Lois." 987 01:18:53,329 --> 01:18:54,448 Lois. 988 01:18:56,060 --> 01:18:57,821 Goodbye, Mr. Dixon. 989 01:18:59,853 --> 01:19:01,061 "Mason." 990 01:19:01,865 --> 01:19:03,219 Mason? 991 01:19:06,167 --> 01:19:07,500 Lois? 992 01:19:08,120 --> 01:19:10,000 Oh, Mason! 993 01:19:10,548 --> 01:19:12,734 - Lois! - Mason! 994 01:19:12,949 --> 01:19:14,933 - Lois! - Mason! 995 01:19:15,221 --> 01:19:17,533 - Lois! - Lois! 996 01:19:17,749 --> 01:19:19,082 Mason! 997 01:19:48,299 --> 01:19:51,492 ♪ The first time i saw you ♪ 998 01:19:51,532 --> 01:19:54,433 ♪ I hated your guts 999 01:19:54,667 --> 01:19:57,909 ♪ I felt your love 1000 01:19:58,060 --> 01:20:01,333 ♪ for cigarette butts 1001 01:20:01,742 --> 01:20:05,063 ♪ but now that I've touched you ♪ 1002 01:20:05,119 --> 01:20:08,233 ♪ I always will love you ♪ 1003 01:20:08,267 --> 01:20:12,733 ♪ my love for you will never dim ♪ 1004 01:20:12,767 --> 01:20:15,382 ♪ until all the fish can't swim ♪ 1005 01:20:15,407 --> 01:20:18,342 ♪ the first time i saw you ♪ 1006 01:20:18,499 --> 01:20:21,600 ♪ was such a thrill to me ♪ 1007 01:20:21,834 --> 01:20:25,783 ♪ I felt your nose 1008 01:20:25,808 --> 01:20:27,933 ♪ tickle my knee 1009 01:20:27,967 --> 01:20:31,333 ♪ our love will be classy ♪ 1010 01:20:31,367 --> 01:20:34,700 ♪ like Timmy and Lassie 1011 01:20:36,069 --> 01:20:39,790 ♪ I know that you're ever mine ♪ 1012 01:20:39,815 --> 01:20:45,215 ♪ until the very end of time ♪ 1013 01:21:35,287 --> 01:21:38,120 All right, you guys, they're gone now. 74960

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.