Original subtitles

One, two, three.

Way there.

That's it.

Man, I'm pretty.

What are you doing, Johnny?

Hey, Mama.

I'm preserving myself for the ages in chopped liver.

Johnny, I was going to serve that to the girls in my Mahjong club.

What? You mean people eat this stuff?

Mmm, Johnny, it's tasty.

Here, Johnny, this came for you in today's mail.

Read it for me, Mama. My hands are all livery.

Oh, Johnny, it's a chain letter.

It says here that horrible things will happen if you don't copy it and forward

it to ten people. Give me that.

No, Johnny. What are you doing?

Oh, Mama.

Chain letters are just a bunch of superstitious hoo -ha.

Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time for my favorite show.

My psychic buddies are waiting for your call.

Keep waiting.

Hello, and welcome to another edition of Bikini Fungi Jumping.

Due to technical difficulties, your regular show will be preempted by an old

reading the Pennsylvania Penal Code.

Whosoever is found loitering near a filling station during the hours of 3

5 a .m.

Blinking cable.

Oh, Johnny, it's darting.

Horrible, tragic bad luck. I better put on my lucky support hose. I'm too pretty

to have bad luck.

I'm going to the gym.

Hurry. New policy.

No skateboards, no dogs, no Johnnies.

This ain't about no chain letter. It's just a coincidence.

Sorry, mister.

Hey, that almost hit my hair.

What next?

Uh -oh.

Whoa, mama.

Let's get lunch. Yum.

Having a bad day, Johnny?

Don't get near me, kid. I got some seriously twisted mojo going on.

Really? Whenever I have bad luck, I pet a kitty.

Pet a kitty, huh?

I am desperate enough to try.

Here, kitty.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Nice kitty cat.

Huh?

Ow.

So you're having a run of bad luck, eh, Johnny?

You know, when I was hunting giant squid off the coast of Bimini back in 62, we

had a lot of cursed luck. The natives called it bad juju.

That's why when you were out cold, I took some of your hair and toenails and

fashioned a crude doll in your likeness. Just keep the doll safe and no harm

will come to you.

Don't be swayed by these primitive superstitions, Johnny. As any man of

will tell you, the only way to break a curse is...

To swing a sack of salamis in a cornfield while yodeling at the break of

Here goes nothing.

Hey,

nothing bad's happening. It worked. I broke the curse.

Go, little salami. Break free of your natural casings.

With these deli meats as my witness, I'll never be unlucky again.

Can you spell hemorrhage?

Dionne Warwick?

Sorry, reflex.

Hello, Johnny.

My psychic buddies and I heard your karmic cries fell.

Oh, there's nothing you can do for me, Dionne. I got a terminal case of bad

juju. You don't have bad juju, Johnny. You created your own misfortune by not

believing in yourself.

I did?

Of course. It doesn't matter whether you walk under a ladder, break a mirror, or

tear up a chain letter.

Real luck comes from inside a person's own heart.

Hey, nothing happened. It is all a bunch of silly superstition. That's right,

Johnny. Johnny bubbles through being sissy -slapped by Lady Luck. From now

I'll make my own destiny.

I'm free!

Free!

Goodbye, Johnny, and take care of yourself.

Thank you for saving our town, Kung Fu Guy.

But how did you know they were robots?

Robots?

Squint Ringo, you are likened to a god to me.

Squint Ringo Pass.

Meet your favorite action star signing his new book, Ringo on Ringo, tomorrow

morning at the Galleria Mall.

I am looking forward to meeting you.

At Krelvin's Book Mart.

Squint Ringo in person.

I'm there.

Hello.

I like to make a good impression on people.

Here, sonny. Let me help you up.

Ah, thanks, old timer.

Hey, aren't you a bit old to be a Wendringle fan?

Well, I don't know about that, but I do know one thing.

There's gold under this here mall, and I means to get it.

I means to get it. I do. I do.

It's going to be a long night.

right let's keep this line moving we love you squid you're the best come on

people chop chop ladies and gentlemen i'm very

sorry but there's only one more book you'll all have to go home what

i can't be denied

Hey, Mr. Ringo, I'm your biggest fan.

Is that so?

I know all your moves. The fling jab from episode 23.

The gouge of 1 ,000 suns from episode 42.

Nice moves, kid. Very impressive.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

Yeah, uh -huh, yeah, right.

Hey, kid, how'd you like to be on the show?

What would I be? Like your sidekick or something?

Something like that.

Oh, mama!

I'm going to be a star.

And the winner for best actor is... Dolly Bravo for Dragon Force 7 as Melon

Hoisting!

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Hey, breath.

of my trailer.

Bravo, Johnny. You're supposed to go to makeup.

Kung Fu Guy, scene 37. Take one!

And action!

I'm not interested in your long -distance service.

Hot!

Oh, beautiful squint! Beautiful!

Take a juice break. Bring out the meat!

Get in there, son!

What's my motivation?

He'll hit you, and you'll feel pain.

Got it.

Plated! And action!

Oh, God!

Rented!

Nice working with you. You're a very giving performer.

Action!

Action!

Is the safety pillow properly inflated?

Oh, yeah.

Let's break for lunch.

I'll be in my trailer.

Believe it or not, I was once an average Jets, just like you. I was waiting

tables at the Good and Beefy until one fateful evening.

This steak is far too tough.

Let me tenderize it for you.

Ed, I'm going to make you a star.

So remember, show your stuff, break the rules, and maybe you can be a star like

me. Squint's right.

I've got to show them what Johnny Breville's made of.

Let's go, Bravo.

You're up. Oh, yeah.

Magic time.

Cut! Bring out the meat!

I'll take it from here.

I like your book.

Yeah? Ah, Chuck!

My face!

He hit my face!

Let's take it again from my good side.

Oh, he hurt Grinch!

Get him!

Book signing.

How about a book? Book today?

What you got there, young fella?

It's my new book.

Never, ever, ever hit a TV star.

It's gold, I tell you. Pure gold.

Wiggy.

Donnie Bravo, you drill a... Common Tree Stump by over $12 ,000. Here's your

final question. Name the four food groups.

Fruit, dairy, beef jerky, and a garden hose.

Wrong. Common Tree Stump, you're our winner.

No. This game's fixed.

More pickled peacock tongue, oh royal one.

Does my fanning disturb you, Prince of Princes? Your Highness, a terrible

crisis. The royal currency is down over 20 % in the face of ongoing

international trade deficits.

Oh, must I do everything myself?

Simply borrow against the principal and reinvest in our Pacific Rim soybean

futures. Brilliant, Your Majesty. You've saved the economy.

All hail Prince Hondo.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. But I grew bored of such things.

Leave me. I wish to brood.

Oh,

what a bore my principal duties have become.

How I long for a simpler life.

The answer is easy, your majesty.

Just find a commoner who is your exact double and switch places with him.

Are such things done?

I see it on TV all the time.

Yes, of course. I'll do it.

You realize, as the only one who's aware of my plans, you will have to be

silenced. I would be honored, your majesty.

Excellent. But where can I find an exact double so stupid, so brainless, that

he'll be incapable of exploiting his new princely position?

Careful.

Steady.

Perfect.

Oh, yeah.

My posterior preserve for posterity.

Huh? Ooh, tiny.

Hi, beautiful.

Hello, Johnny.

Whoa, talking mirror.

Echo, might I have a word with you?

I don't know. I was told to stop talking to myself in public.

Oh! I have a proposal to make you.

Hey, you ain't one of them rich princes who wants to switch places with his

exact double, are you?

Um... Why, yes, I am. You see, I... One experienced life is a commoner, I know.

Am I really that transparent?

No, I just seen a lot of TV.

But it ain't gonna work, mister.

Mama would spot a fake in a minute. Johnny! There you are, Johnny.

It's time for lunch.

And tell that cheap lookalike to get his limo out of my driveway.

We got a deal.

Something tells me I'm in for a wacky, fun -filled adventure.

To the pilot, chauffeur boy.

Oh, good woman. This is the best spreadable lunch meat I've ever had.

But you barely touched it, honey.

And I just opened a fresh drum.

Now, don't hurt Mama's feelings.

Eat, eat.

Come on.

No, no, please. I couldn't eat another bite.

Oh, is the government meat too tough for my little soldier?

Here, let Mama tenderize it for you.

There, that's much better.

Now open wide.

Dear sweet, masterful heavens.

I do hope my cow part is faring better than I.

I'm starving.

Got any government meat?

I'll check with the chefs, sire.

But first you must attend to your royal duties.

Here, Prince Marco.

Thank you, you're beautiful.

Oh, my.

Please, your highness, it's time for your weekly address to the nation.

Address to the nation?

I'm all over it. Hello, nation.

Hello, your majesty.

How y 'all doing?

Fine. So, uh, what'd you do this weekend?

Nothing special.

I saw a movie.

Quiet. All right. Well, uh, keep it up. Now to experience life as an average,

everyday schmo.

Hello, young lady.

My, what breathing weather we're... There

seems to be a misunderstanding.

For the 15th time, Bravo, I will not go out with you.

Hi,

Johnny. Hey, you don't look so good.

5th century balls.

12th century figurines.

Bronze dynasty petals.

Priceless terracotta statues.

I'm bored.

Where's my lawn darts? But, sir, it's time for your meeting with the Queen

Mother of Athluvia. We mustn't keep her waiting, sir.

Ah, all right.

Show the old battleaxe in.

Greetings, Your Majesty.

I am here to sign the treaty which will bring peace to our two nations.

Whoa! Never mind that. How about you and me forming a more perfect union?

I think not.

Want to see my royal seal?

Creep. It means war!

Voila! Can I call you sometimes?

And these are the worker termites. This one is signaling the others with his

scent glance.

Fascinating, I'm sure, but I really must be toddling along.

Peruvian fire termites sense rejection, Johnny. You'd better apologize to the

queen. Apologize!

Apologize!

Hmm?

What all...

Uh -oh.

Let's get out of here!

I've had it with you people. You're all extremely silly.

Ah, this is the life.

I'm rich, pampered, and loved by all.

Hey, anybody seen a remote?

Prince Hundo, for creating a mockery of the crown, promoting war and other

crimes against the state, I hereby place you under arrest.

Bummer. Fear not, my nobles. Your prince has returned.

What? Seize him!

What is the meaning of this? Unhand your prince.

Now, which one of you is the real prince and which one the imposter?

Answer carefully, because the real prince will be imprisoned in the tower

the rest of his natural life. Peers!

Stop!

I'm Mark Twain, author of The Prince and the Papa, and I'm begging cartoon

makers everywhere to please let this tired story die.

There's only one solution to this quandary.

Hey, hey, Princey, check it out. Bunny rabbit.

Oh, poopy.

Look out.