Original subtitles

Here's an ample sample of tonight AFV

Welcome

to America's funniest home video and now Here he is

with the host of our show, Alfonso Ribeiro!

Let's do it, y 'all!

Come on! Come on! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Thank you!

Hello and welcome! You know, when I started hosting this show, I vowed to

Tom Bergeron's record of 15 years.

Now, back then, it almost seemed like an unreachable goal, but all of a

sudden... It's my 10th season.

Crazy.

Yeah, it's cool that I'm closing in on his record, but it's also scary how fast

time is flying by. Before you know it, I'll be so old, I can't say enjoy these

videos without eating a bowl of soup and taking a nap first.

That unpainted plywood ceiling tells me something ain't right.

Dad reads them a story every night to calm them down.

When the angle of the ramp is way too steep, get yourself a broom because

going to need to sweep.

Happy retirement, Jimmy.

Happy retirement, Jimmy.

Wait, who's Jimmy?

Oh, my God.

I don't know how many wives welcome

home their husbands like this, but I wish there were more.

There's only one way to get this guy to hit a high F.

All right, put it over there.

Oh, good.

Dad's gonna move that box out of the way to prevent any possible accident.

Release the house.

It's time to go to dog park.

Oh, my God, you're in so much trouble. And why are you on top of the bridge?

Sometimes it's possible to overguard your boat.

A truly zen pit bull knows the importance of balance.

Hi.

What are you doing, huh?

Is you my puppy?

Yeah. What an adorable little puppy.

Oh, so excited.

Ready? You ready? Look.

You ready for a bath?

You want to get a bath?

He's not big on hygiene, but he's still adorable.

He's such a hilarious dog.

He hates baths.

Jack, go in the truck. Come on, let's go in the truck. Are you going with me?

Come on, go in the truck. Are you going with me? Jack has a subtle way of

showing you who his favorite is.

think she should have started with a smaller dog and worked her way up to one

Charlie's statues.

It

takes

two to tango, or to move a couch, or to play ping pong.

What I'm saying is sometimes it's better to be part of a couple, like in this

couple's montage, where two is just too, too good.

I like it. I like it. I like

it.

Hey, want to see your funny video on TV?

Just upload it to AFB .com.

If

you

watch PBS, you'll get smarter, but you'll also feel dumber. I mean, who

feel dumb? No one.

So check out these boneheads. You'll not only feel smart, but you'll have a lot

more examples of what not smart looks like.

Take that, Masterpiece Theater.

If that's even a thing anymore.

All right, here we go. Get ready for first test run.

Of the balloon -powered car.

Balloon -powered car. Where do you think it's going to go? How far do you think

it's going to go? I think it's going to hit the refrigerator over there. Oh, me

too. Look at that. It's going to go all the way over there. The anticipation of

what your science project can achieve is a feeling like no other. Yeah, let's do

it.

We're going to win.

We're going all the way. A million dollars.

It's already ours. Come on, hurry up.

Let the air out.

Blow it up. Trust me, one day some young entrepreneur is going to reinvent the

auto industry.

Stop!

Just not this young entrepreneur.

All right.

This show.

might want to knock it off.

Some people blossom as they get older.

And for the first time in his life, this guy is feeling hot.

Trying to hit you in the eye.

A little bubbly, a lot of trouble.

Ready? Mm -hmm.

You just dyed your hair. I dyed it. You didn't have your glasses on.

Well, how do I take a shower with my glasses on?

Is it bad? Is it going to come out?

No.

Hey, you're never too old to go through a punk phase.

Put your head down.

See you in the mosh pit, Grandma.

This is not the curtain call she was hoping for.

is a show made by and made for all of us, which is why some have described us

holding a mirror up to America. A less pretentious person would simply say,

we've been holding a mirror up to our pets to see how silly they act.

Not too long ago, there was a thing called least objectionable programming.

That meant the family would turn on the TV, flip through the seven channels that

existed just to find the one show everyone in the family hated the least.

Now you've got like a bazillion choices, which means, well, you're watching me

because you actually like me.

Thanks for watching.

I love you guys.

When she's riding the hoverboard horse, you better watch your feet.

What do you got there, babe?

Well, I was going to make a fruit salad, and I know that this bowl wasn't going

to be big enough.

So I want to thank you for the bowl you got me.

I just want to get that.

I'll do it.

Is this for a baby?

This is like a bathtub for a baby.

You're never too young to appreciate your dad getting whacked in the head

an inflatable hammer.

She

wishes

her husband would have taken up literally any other hobby but

you get a convertible for your midlife crisis and not put her through this.

If Jesus was calling, he'd probably tell you not to make that smooth.

It's a good thing he didn't quit his corporate job to pursue his lumberjack

dreams.

That was so hard to do.

It's the target.

Stop it. Sure, buddy. It's the target's fault.

It's important to be able to laugh at yourself. And if you can't laugh at

yourself, then try laughing at these people and working your way up.

You'll get there.

Aww. They haven't dipped since their wedding.

And for good reason.

There are

easier

ways to get a little reverb when you sing.

So I'm looking for my wig because my in -laws are coming into town, and I want

to make sure I look nice.

I couldn't find it.

So Tom tells me, hey, you know where your wig is?

And he's like, you might want to go look for it. And I was like, okay.

You've heard the expression, stealing your wig is the sincerest form of

flattery.

There it is.

There it is.

Fluffy, leave her sweater on. Fluffy. I'm not sure if Fluffy is jealous or

simply doesn't want to see her sister humiliated by that fashion disaster.

Stop it. Fluffy, stop.

Mom got that kayak for Christmas and doesn't want to wait till spring to take

to the lake.

Grandpa is a kid at heart.

But an old guy at coordination.

If Dianne doesn't get her heart racing, I know something that will.

Look at that head.

He's got

nine

lives. He wants to spend at least one of them with a pop of color.

Tuesday is garbage day. Monday is close enough to the garbage day.

I've been told that some people on television act outraged just to drum up

ratings. Well, I've never.

Can you imagine such a thing? Someone hand me my pearls so that I may clutch

them. If I'm even able to with the state I'm in.

It's time for some outside outrage because I can't even.

Get set for, I'm shocked.

Your dog gets more compliments on her speed than her leaping ability?

I'm shocked.

Your beat. keeping date didn't put your wife in the mood for romance. This I

gotta see.

Apparently there's a hole in one of the boxes.

We're in the truck with the windows rolled up.

Two hives.

And Vicki's not enjoying it at all.

You say the IRS sees the Batmobile.

You're kidding.

The zebra at the drive -thru safari wasn't thrilled you stole his look?

What?

I'm shocked as oh, and I'm really shocked about it.

We spend a third of our lives sleeping, so you'd think we'd be really good at it

by now, and yet, nope.

So here are some funny sleep videos that are anything but a snooze fest.

You can get anything delivered to your door, even mild heart attacks.

Oh, my God.

I tried to be as quiet as I could.

I'm so sorry, young lady.

If his wife gets any sleep, I'd be amazed.

I'm tired.

Sure, he's tired. But you're never too tired for strained carrot, am I right?

This is what happens when you try to combine mealtime and naptime.

He'd report them to HR.

But he is HR.

I don't blame him.

I'll bet ripping apart a basketball with your teeth really takes it out of you.

Will he be able to sleep all the way through church?

Not a prayer.

Everything we do comes back to us. Do a nice deed, you'll be rewarded.

Act like a jerk, the universe has a way of making you pay.

And while it usually takes a while to kick in, it occasionally delivers faster

than a food delivery app.

Less tasty, though.

Remember, he who laughs first falls the hardest.

This is just one of the many reasons you shouldn't push your dog in the pool.

That bottle's filled with two liters of fizzy

jelly.

I can't put my

finger on it.

But something about this cartwheel practice stinks.

First

day of

school is over.

But it's Larry who still has a lesson to learn.

Yeesh, no manners.

Or bim.

Dad.

That's not a bug. I need you to hold the froggy down for me. What?

Hold that. Hold that.

What's the next move?

Don't move. There's water in there.

Some kids have to come home from college to learn valuable life lessons.

You know what, man? You don't want to start this war with me.

You really don't want to start this war. Oh, my God. You don't want to start

this war with me.

You've got a long month here, and I'm not the guy you want to start this war

with. I invented this stuff.

Watch this crap.

Fast. It can't be measured. I mean, not until someone invents a fast -o -meter.

Shark tank idea. The sass -o -meter.

Or the sass -o -graph.

A root -a -scope?

You know what? The name is flexible.

Watch these sassy kids, but please don't steal my shark tank idea, okay?

Wow, babe.

Absolutely.

You look so handsome.

What do you mean I look so handsome?

I said you look handsome.

What do you mean I look handsome? I look...

You're bossy, Caroline.

I have leadership skills.

Max, you don't need to say it.

I have leadership skills.

There's a camera watching you.

Okay. So I can see every little thing you do in this room.

Every little thing, huh?

Well, this little girl proves that modern problems require modern

What do you think you're doing?

When was the last time you had a dog?

When was the last time you had a boyfriend?

Charlie and Carson, you want to see more gymnastics videos? Well, I'm happy to

say that our judges gave these a perfect ten.

I love you and you're beautiful.

I love you.

And you're handsome.

You're handsome.

Did you know that you're handsome?

Yeah.

When you don't have makeup on,

I think you don't look beautiful.

Ask your kid what they love about mom or dad and upload it to AFV .com.

Wild animals are fun in theory, not always fun in person. What with the

and the beaks and the nasty odors.

Here are some animal encounters you can enjoy from the comfort of your couch.

But if you smell any nasty odors while you're watching this, just sprinkle a

little baking soda on your couch.

That's a you problem.

Don't hold a snapping turtle if you can't handle the snapping.

He wants some birdseed.

But this might be a sign that he's had enough birdseed.

Snakes may scare the pants off of you, but they don't scare the manners out of

you.

Is it okay if I say dang?

What? Say dang for snake.

Yeah, you can say dang.

She knows the chicken. She likes the chicken.

But there's something about that duck she just doesn't trust.

What?

Are you kidding me right now?

Oh, my God.

I'm okay. I'm okay. We just... I'm okay.

When I say drive, drive the car. Okay.

When feeding an ostrich, it's best not to show fear.

If possible.

You know what the world needs now?

A cat who's not here to make friends.

Seriously?

I can't stand you.

I hope you've enjoyed a cat who's not here to make friends.

Did you find a cicada?

That's a cicada.

The good news is, the next time this kid sees a cicada, he'll be 18 years old.

Be gentle. Don't pull off his wing. No, no, no. Be gentle, baby. Don't hurt him.

He needs those wings. Good job.

I'm proud of you.

Ma.

Yeah. Don't stop. No.

There's really no great place to store your creepy doll collection.

That's not really a hammock swing.

It's more of a hammock sit there.

Does no one in this family use brakes?

Runaway tire.

Runaway guy who's not quite fast enough to catch a tire.

Well, here I am at the Friar Street Plaza.

Honey's going crazy. Oh, my God. No, it's not a turtle.

It's an armadillo.

Oh, no, she's getting a... An armadillo?

That's the tail. You don't see one of those every day.

I mean... No, honey.

Honey's gonna... She's already tried to bite it. Oh, God.

I don't know what's gonna happen, guys.

Okay, back up, y 'all.

Watch out. Look, you better watch that dog.

I don't know if it's gonna get me or not.

Armadillos are like nature's tank.

Okay.

Tanks for dropping butt.

Dogs and cats worn out by nursing takes on dads whose kids' toys lead to

cursing.

Tonight on Birth, overwhelmed animal mothers versus grown men playing with

built for children.

The kitties are up first, and this mommy cat is no quitter, even with a

persistent lip.

The grown men come out in high gear, or whatever this is.

Babe? This mama mutt proves that overwhelmed mothers will not rest until

won. Or ever.

Dad on toy car goes downhill.

Dad on toy car takes a spill.

Spill, Dad.

Spill.

Just a calm kitty cat?

You know better than that.

Double the dad, double the fun, double the speed, double the dumb.

It's time to nurse, but mom's not in the mood, so she sits in the corner and

hides from her brood.

Hide, mom, hide.

The grown men have one more chance to relive their childhood.

Is it enough?

And the winner is...

Grown men playing with cars built for children.

Join us next time when the man -child gone wild take on Hungry Sock Puppet on

Versus.

It's that time of the day where we don't do a darn thing. It shouldn't be funny,

but it is.

Whether it's being woken up with a funny prank or snoring louder than a World

War I tank, sleep is funny, restorative, and it's also tonight's assignment

America. Need to see some examples?

Too bad, we showed a bunch earlier. What, were you dozing off?

Jeff, tell them what to do.

Want to know how to make our dreams come true? Just send us your sleep videos.

Your crazy wake -ups and silly snoring could make the money start pouring.

Forget counting sheep, you could be counting 20 or even 100 grand.

Just upload the video to AFB .com. For full contest rules, log on to AFB .com.

There's only winning, never losing when it comes to clips of people snoozing.

It's been a great show filled with bright lights and scenery, but now we

down to handing out greenery. Let's meet our finalists. First up, you come home

from work. How'd the dog get up there? And you can't get him down until you

stand on a chair.

It's found Fido on the fridge sent in by Justin Woolridge and Alex Pierce from

Morgan Field, Kentucky.

Oh, my God, you're in so much trouble. And why are you on top of the fridge?

You're in so much trouble.

Joining us are Justin, Alex, Zachary, and Creed. So, Alex, you came home and

found the contents of the refrigerator all over the house. And Creed...

on the fridge why do you think he was up there so that's where we keep his treat

and i guess he hadn't had one that day and he wanted one so okay zachary

was this the only time creed got stuck on top of the fridge no it's not he's

done it one other time and i got home just before she did And luckily I got

mess cleaned up before she seen it.

Okay. If you ever finish cleaning up Creed's messes, maybe you want to get a

lock for his tree cabinet. Just a thought. Just a thought.

Absolutely. Okay. Okay. All right. Well, good luck, y 'all.

Thank you. All right. All right.

Next up, he blames the target when he can't get a bullseye, then his daughter

-in -law succeeds on her very first try. It acts tough like a boss sent in by

Justin and Devin Stevens from Las Vegas, Nevada.

That is so hard to do.

It's the target.

Sure, buddy. It's the target's fault.

Joining us are Justin, Devin, Kyle, and Shelly. Okay, Kyle, you threw like seven

axes at the target and didn't stick one.

Did you really think something was wrong with the target?

Yes.

I hear you. And, Shelly, not only did you land the ax on the first try, but

hit a bullseye. You must have had a lot of practice before that day.

I think it was just deep down, seated, hope to up show that

it's falling off.

Okay. All right. I guess that could be smart, but you know what? May your

beginner's luck follow you in everything you do.

Good luck.

All right.

And finally, the in -laws are coming. She wants to look her best, but her wig

goes missing. Her patient was put to the test.

It's, whoop, here it is, sent in by Andrea Sutphin from El Paso, Texas.

So, I'm looking for my wig because my in -laws are coming into town, and I want

to make sure I look nice.

There it is.

There it is.

Joining us are Andrea, Thomas, Corey, and Camden. Andrea, I hear you were

looking all over for your wig before your husband told you to look outside.

What did you expect to see when you did?

I expected it to be thrown in the dirt or like hanging off like the fence.

Definitely not on our princess's head.

And Thomas, how did you discover that Corey had the missing wig?

I just happened to walk out into our living room and look out the window, and

there it was, just floating over the ladder.

Well, I got to say, I love all your hair. It looks beautiful, all right?

All right, best of luck, y 'all.

Best of luck.

Thank you. All right, all right.

We're going to find out who takes on the cast in just a minute, but first, let's

take a look at some of the clips that didn't make our top three in tonight's

honorable mention.

It's time to hand out tonight's prizes. $20 ,000 for first, $6 ,000 for second,

and $4 ,000 for third. Here we go. Our third place $4 ,000 winner is... Whoops.

Here it is. Sent in by Andrea Sutton from El Paso, Texas.

Thank you.

And the winner of the $20 ,000 and tonight's funniest home video is...

Fido on the fridge. Sent in by Justin Walrus and Alex... Cheers to

Kentucky, to Alex, Zachary, Justin, and Creed.

Yes.

Congratulations.

So, Justin, you are Alex's uncle, and I understand that even though you weren't

there for the incident, it was you who submitted the video to AFV. How did that

come about?

Well, I was going through my phone just looking at some old pictures, and it

came across, and I told them they should send it in to you guys, you know.

They didn't think it would work, but apparently it did.

Yes, it did.

And America, I need you to listen to that man. He's very smart.

Yes, and now that you've won $20 ,000, you can either buy a lifetime supply of

dog treats or a fridge that's so tall, Creed could never reach the top of it,

okay?

All right. There you go. Well, congratulations. You got $20 ,000 and a

$100 ,000.

Yeah.

Well, we're all out of show. Trust me, if there was any show left, I'd be

wrapping it in tinfoil and sticking it in the fridge so I could have the rest

it tomorrow.

We'll see you next time, but don't forget, if you upload a video and it

the show, we'll send you an AFP t -shirt. So good night, everybody, and

remember, send your video to me, you might win 20 Gs. Good night, y 'all.