All language subtitles for Taking the 5th Grade

Ah, Halloween.

One of those times of year when school
and fun just naturally come together.

This year seemed like it would be the
same.

Decorations were up all over. Some
people were already wearing their

And the smell of candy was in the air.

All of us were really looking forward to
Halloween.

Well, actually, all of us except
Spinelli.

Hey, where is Spinelli anyway?

Probably late making a big old batch of
fake blood. She'll catch up to us.

I was wrong.

Spinelli wouldn't catch up to us.

That morning, she changed in a way none
of us expected.

But hang on, I think I'm getting ahead
of myself.

Fact is, we've seen a whole lot of
changes lately, and it all started over

month ago.

It was the first day of school, and
guess what? Me and the guys weren't

graders anymore.

Finally, we moved on up to fifth grade.

Well, guys, here she is.

Good old Third Street School.

You know, Teach, the old place really
does grow on you. And Mother Nature has

prepared an idyllic day for our return.

Yeah, check it out. Birds are chirping,
grass is green, and the place is just

crawling with suckers to beat a
kickball. That's the spirit, Vince. And

remember, school's gonna be its
rockinest yet, because this year, we're

graders. Fifth graders get their own
lockers. I can finally keep my adventure

safe from foreign spies.

I could actually be second in line to
slide down a rusty.

Oh, baby, just you wait till recess. I
can hardly wait for the lunch in the

cafeteria. My fifth grade taste buds are
much more sophisticated, you know. As

for me, well, believe it or not, I
actually look forward to being in class.

What the?

I know, Spinoe. It sounds crazy. But
don't forget, this year we have Miss

Oh, man, I love Miss Milky. Everyone
loves Miss Milky, Vince, because she

us kids. I'm telling you, fifth grade is
going to be the best year yet.

All right, hooligans, settle down. My
name is Miss Finster, and I'm your fifth

grade teacher.

What's your problem? You got something
in your eye? Go to the nurse and get it

fixed.

Uh, Miss Finster? What is it,
Deadweiler? What happened to Miss Milky?

You were kind of expecting her to be our
teacher. Milky transferred out. Luckily

for you, I was available to take her
place.

Randall? Yes, Miss Finster? I'll need a
class informant. You're it.

Oh, boy, Miss Finster. Fifth grade is
going to be the best grade ever.

Of course it will, because it'll have
discipline, homework, tests, and more

discipline. All right, now, take out
your pencils. I want a 3 ,000 -word

on what you hooligans did during the
summer and how you were punished for

it.

Well, that was the most wampingly awful
experience of all time. Okay, so having

Finster for a teacher is a setback, but
I got a feeling I can break her down.

I can't believe she gave us six
textbooks.

Who needs six textbooks?

Books, heavy, must put down.

Well, I think this is an excellent
opportunity to utilize our new lockers.

ought to be right over here.

Dad, the lockers. They're gone.

What happened to them? Hello, fifth
grade chums. If you were looking for the

lockers, they were all replaced by these
inspirational posters.

I especially like this one. But what are
we supposed to do with all our stuff?

Can't hold on.

Uh -uh -uh.

School is for learning, not complaining.

Ta -ta.

Okay, so we don't get lockers and we got
Finster as our teacher. Big deal.

There's still lots of other great stuff
about school, right?

How very true, TJ.

For instance, carrying these textbooks
has given me quite an appetite.

There you go, Mikey.

Who's up for lunch in the cafeteria?

Now you're talking. As I recall, on the
first day of school, they usually serve

pizza. Yay! I love pizza. Tender.

Um, this doesn't look like pizza.

Fred, I love a pizza.

It's Nutrition Paste.

All part of the new and improved
cafeteria menu. Do you mean to tell me

instead of tasty, kid -friendly entrees,
we're now going to be served Nutrition

Paste every day?

Of course not.

On Tuesday, we got Nutrition Log.

On Wednesday, we got Nutrition Lumps. On
Thursday, we got Nutrition Loaf. And on

Friday, we got Zesty Macaroni and
Nutrition.

Bon appetit.

All right, so they took away our
teacher, they took away our lockers, and

took away our lunch. At least we still
got recess.

Sorry, kid.

District orders.

I can't believe this. They took away the

whole playground.

Why would they do that?

Are they mad?

Oh, never again to roll about in the
fresh green clover. Or to make necklaces

dandelions or hats of mud.

haven't just taken our playground,
they've taken our childhood.

And now, they've gone too far.

Attention students, this is Principal
Prickly speaking.

You may have noticed a few changes
around your school today, and these are

nothing to be concerned about. They're
all part of the Board of Education's new

school improvement policy, so I hope
you'll all enjoy your new, improved...

DJ, what are you doing at my office? I'm
here for answers, sir.

I'm in the middle of addressing the
students. Sir, I suggest you sign off,

because the way I'm feeling, I might
just say something the kindergartners

shouldn't hear.

That's all for now. Just go back to your
fun.

All right, PJ, I understand if you're
upset.

Upset? Sir, with all due respect, you've
ruined our school!

Now, don't go blaming me, T .J. It
wasn't my idea. And besides, no one's

school. The Board of Education just made
a few changes, is all. They paved over

our playground!

Well, the Board feels that maintaining a
field of grass and play equipment

diverts money that can better be used
elsewhere.

Like for these nifty pre -recorded
announcements, for instance.

Less play, more studying.

That is all.

What?! She sounds like a very nice lady.

What about the lockers? The Board of Ed
feels that inspirational posters are a

more meaningful use of wall space.

And the more time spent holding your
books, the better. And that gray gunk

they're serving at lunch?

Nutrition Paste contains all the
vitamins children need for maximum

potential. The data's all here in the
improvement plan. But, sir, I thought

remembered what it was like to be a kid.
And to kids, all this stuff is just

crummy. Look, T .J., to be honest with
you, I'm not so sure about this whole

plan myself. But the board has ordered
it. There's nothing I can do. You can

no. I can't go up against the Board of
Education.

I'll lose my job. Then they'll just
replace me with someone who will go

with them. But Principal Brickley...
Listen, T .J., there's something you

to understand.

I know I seem like the big boss around
here, but compared to the board, I'm

a little guy. And there are times when
the little guy can't change the way

things are done. Do you understand?

Yes, sir. I think I do.

Thank you.

So what did Rickley say? He says there
are times when the little guy just has

accept the way things are. You mean
school's going to be like this forever?

Oh, I didn't say that, Gus.

I didn't say that at all.

TJ!

Come on down and eat your toast. It's
getting cold.

Don't waste your breath, Mom. TJ's not
coming down.

Not coming down?

Well, what's the matter? Is he sick?
He's always been sick.

Watch the slander, Becky.

Hey, I don't know what his problem is.
All he told me was that he wasn't coming

down and that was good enough for me.

You better see what's going on, dear.

I better see what's going on.

TJ? Hi, Mom. TJ, it's time to come down
now.

The door's locked.

It's not just locked, Mom.

It's barricaded.

Barricaded? But, honey, why?

And how will you get to school?

That won't be a problem, Mom. Because as
of this morning, I'm never going back

to school again.

Hi, dweebs. Uh, hi, Becky.

Is TJ ready for school?

Nope. Not by a long shot.

What do you mean?

Oh, he's just locked himself in his
room, barricaded the door, and claims

never coming out.

Typical freak behavior.

Now, excuse me, little kiddies. Normal
people like me have to get to class.

Let's hope it's that obedience school.

Assuming just this once that Becky's
telling the truth, why would TJ lock

himself in his room?

Indeed, quite the conundrum. I say we
investigate.

TJ, confound it. Open up already.

Sorry, Dad, but I cannot in good
conscience do that. TJ, this little

getting very serious. If you don't go to
school right now, you'll get a tardy.

Yeah, and if I don't leave for work
right now, my boss is going to give me a

tardy. Come out soon, TJ, or you're
grounded.

That's okay with me.

Oh, dear me. He's definitely going to be
tardy. I better call the school.

I've taken my stand.

What happens next is in the hands of
fate.

What the...

Hello, TJ.

Sorry about the banana.

It was the softest thing in Mikey's
lunch. What's going on?

Oh, it's pretty simple, actually.

I've stopped going to school. Stopped
going to school?

You can't do that!

He can't, can he? According to the
adults in power, no, he can't. Well, I

they can't take our school and turn it
into a boring, crummy place.

I guess now we'll find out which one of
us is right.

A lone student staging an act of civil
disobedience against an entire board of

education. What a revolutionary concept.

What's a revolutionary concept?

Yeah, guys, what's going on? TJ says
he's never going back to school. Ever.

staying right there in his room. Really?

Whoa, cool.

Cool? What's cool?

If something's cool, you totally have to
tell us. TJ's locked up in his room. He

says he's never going back to school,
ever.

Scandalous! What's so scandalous?

Ew. Spill it. Oh, all right. You sort of
are a fellow kid and all. You see,

TJ... Detweiler's never coming back to
school.

Yeah? So what? I tried never coming back
to school dozens of times. But he's

doing it for us.

TJ Detweiler staying home in protest.

I must spread this news to the four
corners of the playground.

Everyone, T .J. Detweiser is staying
home from school.

He's not going to school?

Ooga -jooga! Ooga -jooga! The kid no go
to school!

Yeah! The kid no go to school! We go
give him support!

Yeah!

All right.

Good morning, malcontents. It's time to
learn.

Today's math test will have 500
questions.

All word problems.

I hope you shifty punks brought plenty
of number two pencils.

What the?

Where the blazes is everyone?

Good gracious.

Where did all you children come from?

We heard TJ wasn't going to school.

Is it true? I got odds going three to
one that it is. Well, yes. I'm afraid it

is. He won't come out of his room.

So it is true, eh?

TJ's ditching school.

My first big scoop as a fifth grade
informant.

All right, everyone, settle down. Let's
have some order, please. Order? What are

you talking about?

My students have all gone AWOL. This is
anarchy.

Mine are gone, too.

It's downright trippy. Are you telling
me there are no students in the entire

school? Yes, sir. We must find the
children before something terrible

Yeah, like if the school board finds
out, I'll lose my job. Where in

are they?

I know exactly...

That's right. It's me, Randall, bringing
you the goods once again.

You see, when I noticed all the kids
running out of the schoolyard, my

told me something big was up. So I...
Just tell me where the children are.

They're at T .J.'s house.

Detweiler! Why is it always Detweiler?
Seems naughty TJ's refusing to come to

school, and everyone else is there to
support him. They say it's a revolution,

and if I know my history, revolutions
involve execution.

Don't get carried away, boy.

The best we can hope for is juvenile
hall.

That'll do.

TJ! TJ!

TJ!

Goodness, TJ, your protest seems to have
gathered momentum.

But surely you can't sit in your room
indefinitely.

Hey, I got my comic books and I got my
political cause.

A right -thinking kid doesn't need any
more than that. But what about food?

With nothing to eat, you'll shrink into
a tiny skeleton.

Not to worry, Maiko. I raided the pantry
last night and stocked up.

I got enough gelatin mix, spaghetti
noodles, and tomato paste to last me for

good long time.

But, T .J., what about... Don't worry,
Gus. I got my own bathroom.

Geez, T .J., you thought of everything.

Yep, and so far, everything's going
according to plan.

So, what happens next?

What happens next is Perkley shows up.

Look at all these kids. I haven't seen a
crowd like this since Woodstock. What's

your plan, sir?

Shall I call the cops?

No!

We've got to keep this quiet.

I'll talk to that writer myself.

Should we watch Detweiler get in trouble
from the car, Miss Finster? No,

Randall. Let's savor this up close.

Ooh, zesty.

Excuse me. Pardon me. Get it out of
the... Well, if you don't want to get

stepped on, stay in class.

Hey, T .J. Kettweiler, as your
principal, I order you to come out of

right now. With all due respect, sir,
since I quit school, you're not my

principal anymore, and I don't have to
follow your orders.

Come on, T .J., because of you, nobody's
going to school.

That's not my problem, sir. What do you
want from me? Well, for starters, I'd

like a nice, hot, tasty lunch in the
cafeteria.

Not just for me, but for every kid at
school.

I want the kickball field back, and the
basketball hoops, and old Rusty, too.

And lockers!

I understand skipping school is wrong. I
know studying and learning are good for

me. But the way I see it, none of the
new changes help with any of that stuff.

They just make school a crummy place to
be. All I ask, sir, is that you give us

back the school we love. And if this is
what it takes to get it, then I'm

willing to face the consequences.

But, T .J., I already told you the
changes are official Board of Ed policy.

I can't do anything about them. Then I'm
afraid I can't come down.

Well, that didn't go well.

That didn't go well.

Ah, what's that?

It's the cops, sir.

Woo -hoo, the fuzz. Oh, no, it's not the
cops. It's worse. It's the Board of

Education.

I'm Truant Officer McClellan. This is
Truant Officer McDooley, Board of

Education. Oh, why, whatever brings you
here? We understand you have a

situation. Oh, I'd hardly call it a
situation. It's just a harmless boy

locked himself in his bedroom. I have it
completely under control.

It seems he's still up there. Well, for
now, who told you people about this

anyway? We're the BOE. We know
everything.

We're taking over, Principal Prickly.
This case is now Board of Education

jurisdiction. If you have a problem with
that, I recommend you take it up with

the school board members themselves.

They're right over there. The board
members?

Here? Now?

Report, Officer McClellan. What seems to
be the problem?

Our intel was accurate, sir. It's a kid
who won't go to school.

I see.

Ladies, gentlemen, I'm afraid it's every
bit as serious as we feared. Refusing

to go to school is a code white
situation.

Call it in.

Code white. I repeat, code white.

Roger that. Code received. Please
confirm.

Will do. Over and out.

Sir, we've got a code white. Very well.

I will eliminate the problem.

Kelly, I'm standing in front of the
house where 10 -year -old T .K.

Dudwaller is refusing to go to school.
According to our sources, the boy is

upset about some new Board of Education
policies.

With me are the five members of the
State Board of Education, along with

Supervisor Milton Brown.

Mr. Brown, what about these new school
policies?

Are they good for our students?

Studies have shown that the policies are
good for our children and good for the

schools. The board and I support them
unanimously.

There you have it. As for young T .K.,
neighbors say he was always a strange

child who refused to go anywhere without
his red baseball cap.

Hey, T .J., T .J., you're on the news.

Way to go, T .J. The people have heard
you. Your long struggle is finally over.

Not yet, Mikey.

But I've got a feeling the end has just
begun.

Oh, no. Not the helicopter. That could
only mean one thing.

Mr. White. The ultimate enforcer of
Board of Ed policy.

TJ, get water.

Bring it on, Mr. White. Bring it on.

Ah, Mr. White. How wonderful to see you.
I trust I can be of help to you. You

can get out of my way, Prickly. You have
failed. You are irrelevant.

You, you, come with me.

Oh, hello.

And who are you?

My name is Mr. White Man.

I'm with the Board of Education.

If you don't mind, my associates and I
would like a word with your son,

Theodore. Oh, there's no need for that.
I've called my husband. He'll be home in

half an hour if traffic is good. That's
just what I would expect a loving,

brilliant parent such as yourself to
say, Mrs. Detweiler. It is? And I

completely agree with you. There is
nothing more beneficial to a young man's

character than healthy communication
with his parents.

Some of my fondest memories are of
sitting on my pappy's knee, exchanging

information.

That's wonderful.

Yes, it is. But unfortunately, half an
hour is simply too long to wait.

T .J. is setting a very unfortunate
example for all those other children out

there. Any moment now, his disobedience
will become ingrained in their

impressionable brains and spread to
other children, friends, relatives,

buddies.

Disobedience leads to chaos.

Madness! Madness is very bad for little
children, wouldn't you say, Mrs.

Detweiler? Why, yes. I guess it is.

Then please let me help your child and
all the children of the world. We're the

Board of Education.

That's what we do.

Oh. Well, all right.

His room is upstairs on the left. Thank
you, Mrs. Detweiler.

Brew me a pot of darjeeling tea, if you
will. I'm parched.

Is instant okay?

Hello, Mr. White.

Long time no see.

T .J.

Detweiler. I imagine you're feeling
quite full of yourself after defeating

that whole WOMPS issue.

It's not a matter of beating you, sir.
I'm just trying to do what's right, so

you can forget about asking me to come
out. Oh, I have no intention of asking

you to come out. You don't? Oh, no, T
.J. Principal Prickly already tried

I'm going to allow you to stay in there
just as long as you want.

You are?

Yes. Of course, please don't blame me if
during your absence your friends start

to find their lives becoming... Oh, how
should we say it?

Unpleasant. What you talking about,
White? Well, even if you don't go to

T .J., I assume your friends still will.

And I just happen to know that the
school board is considering a 12 -hour

day, doubling the homework load,
flavoring the nutrition paste with

liver. I've tried very hard to fight
them on these issues, but if I can't

convince one child to leave his bedroom,
who's going to take me seriously?

That's a dirty trick, Mr. White! There's
nothing wrong with a dirty trick, T

.J., when it's used for a greater good.

Okay, then you win. I'll unbarricade my
door and come out.

Well, I wonder if my tea is ready. That
was quicker than I expected.

What in the... Deckweiler, that was a
dirty trick.

Deckweiler, where is he?

The magpie has flown. The magpie has
flown.

Oh, just stand there. He probably
climbed out the window.

He's not out there. That's impossible.

If he's not out there and he's not in
here, the only other place he could be

the... Aha!

There you are.

Deckweiler! I told you I'd leave my
room. I'm moving my protest to the roof.

Have it your way, boy.

It's easy enough for me to get on the
roof. To the helicopter, men.

Oh, yeah.

Oops.

So much for principling.

Now I'll probably have to go to work on
my brother Thurgood's lobster boat in

Alaska. Help! Help!

Help? Why should I help you, Detweiler?
Thanks to you, I'm going to lose my job

while you just dangle from the roof.

Help! Dangle from the roof? Hang on, T
.J. I'm coming. Move it. Out of my way.

Let me through. What's happening,
Principal Prickly? Where is T .J.? He's

the corner. I need a ladder, quick.

I'm coming, T .J.

Can't hold on much longer, sir.

Just another second.

Here's a ladder.

Hold it steady, kids.

All right, son. Now we're going to work
together.

On three, I'll pull up on one hand while
you pull up with your other.

You got that?

Yes, sir.

One, two, three.

Thanks,

sir. TJ, are you out of your mind?

I mean, locking yourself in your room is
one thing, but you could have been

killed up here. I know. It was a dumb
thing to do.

I don't know what got into me. This
whole protest of yours has gotten way

hand. You're going to be in a lot of
trouble when this is over. But somebody

to do something to look out for us kids.

I mean, normally, sir, I'd assume
looking out for kids was part of your

well... That's okay. I understand.

A grown -up's got to worry about making
a living. You've got to buy cars and

pants and houses.

But I'm just a kid. I can't stand around
and let bad stuff happen to people I

care about. Because the only thing I've
got to lose is my self -respect.

Quickly! Good work. You've captured him.
Bring him down here immediately and

I'll see that you get a promotion.

No, sir. I cannot in good conscience do
that. This is no time for games,

Prickly. Bring the boy down now or it
will cost you your job. If keeping my

means going along with your lousy
policies, then I don't want it anymore.

I think I'd rather keep my self
-respect, too.

He's standing up to people he disagrees
with?

Risking his job?

That's the most inspiring thing I've
ever seen.

I'm... I'm with him! What? What are you
talking about? The truth is, I hate the

new policy.

I just went along with it because you
all like it. I didn't want to disagree

get fired.

But I thought the plan was stupid. I
mean, pegging over the playground? Come

I was just afraid to make waves.

I am so relieved you guys feel the same
way I do.

Just a moment, people.

You never liked the new policy. I never
liked the new policy.

Some so -called experts recommended it,
and we were all too scared to voice our

opposition. Shame on us. I hereby move
that the new school policy is no longer

in effect.

All in favor?

Aye! The ayes have it. School is back to
normal.

But, but, you can't do that. That would
mean that that, that... Child has beat

me again.

Yes, it's amazing, isn't it, Tad? We get
so caught up in our grown -up world

that we forget. The little guy really
can make a difference.

Pool party at my place?

Yeah!

Well done, TJ.

Sir, I couldn't have done it without
you.

Well, guys, things are pretty much back
to normal. We've got our grass back.

We've got our hoops back.

They're almost finished putting back old
Rusty.

Okay, kids.

Thanks, Siege. You really saved us.
You've brought the joy of learning back

our lives.

And fish sticks, too.

You got everything you asked for.

All right, you sneaky little ne 'er -do
-wells. Class starts in five minutes. So

in four minutes, I expect you to stop
playing and start preparing to stop

fun. Well, almost everything.

Don't worry about it, Vince. Like I say,
I think I can break her down.

A sardine and onion sandwich.

Nice try, Detweiler, but you're not
going to break me down.

Now, take out your pencils. It's time
for another test.

All right, so maybe Miss Finster is one
thing you just can't change.

But around school, stuff was still
changing all over.

For instance, last year's kindergartners
moved up from the first grade and had

to start acting like normal kids.

Hector, Tubby, remember, now that you're
big first graders, you're to talk and

act like normal children.

Excuse me, may I have my ball back?

Pretty please?

Here you go.

Gimme ball, gimme ball, gimme, gimme,
gimme! Give it time, the year has just

begun. For another thing, since King Bob
moved on to middle school last year, we

got a new king, King Freddy.

Freddy's okay, but I think he's still
kind of getting used to the job. Your

Highness. This boy here was caught
calling another boy Gooberhead.

Gooberhead, you say?

I hereby decree that he be dragged
across the playground by a team of third

graders, soaked with fruit juice, rolled
in a sandbox, then tied to the backstop

until he mends his ways, or until the
roly -polies get him. Whichever comes

first. Huh?

Um, sir? Don't you think that's a bit
harsh?

Oh, very well.

Five minutes time out for being naughty.

Phew.

But then the biggest change of all,
something that came as a complete

Greetings, fellow fifth graders.

What do you want, Menlo?

We're kind of busy hanging out. And a
fine job you're doing. However, as King

Freddy's new messenger boy, it is my
official duty to tell you that the king

desires your presence. We didn't do
anything.

Oh, he doesn't want to punish you. He
has an important announcement, something

believe you'll enjoy.

Hurry now. His Highness doesn't like to
be kept waiting.

An audience with the new king?

Whatever for, I wonder? Something good?

Perhaps we're to be his merry band of
court musicians.

Something better than that.

But school just started.

We don't deserve anything good yet. TJ
does.

I do? Well, yeah.

He saved the school from all those
crummy rules.

If I was king, I'd give you the biggest
reward I could think of. Heck, I'd even

make you a knight.

A knight? Really?

You think he might? It does seem
logical.

What a magnificent gesture.

Hey, congratulations, Teej. Well,
thanks, Vince. What are we waiting for?

go.

Guard,

what is this winger dinger doing in my
mouth?

Uh, sir, you requested a winger dinger.
I specifically requested a muncherific

nut -nut bar.

Sorry, your highness. Oh, no. It is I
who is sorry, guard, for your sake.

Hmm. This calls for severe punishment.

Your highness, we have arrived.

Huh? Who's there?

It's me, sir. TJ and my friends.

And might I say it is with great
humbleness that I accept the honor

to give me. Who is this boy? What is he
babbling about?

TJ Detweiler, your friendiness? He's the
boy who saved the school from the Board

of Education.

Oh, that old thing. Yes, yes, Nifty.

No subject, kids. I've ordered you here
about an issue of actual importance.

Well, don't just stand there. Step back.
Your king approaches.

As king of this playground, I hereby
formally extend to you this invitation

join the secret fifth and sixth graders
club.

Fifth and sixth graders club? What's
that?

Yeah, I've never heard of it.

Of course you've never heard of it. Up
till this year, you've been fourth

graders. The secrets of the top secret
fifth and sixth graders club have been

kept secret from you. But what's the
club for?

Yeah, what's in it for us?

Ah, this you may not know without first
taking the oath.

Guard, the oath.

I, fifth or sixth grader, do hereby
solemnly swear never to divulge the

of the secret fifth and sixth grader
club to anyone littler than a fifth or

sixth grader. Okay. Very well. Because
if I do, then the king will think up a

really bad punishment for me.

Excellent. Glad you big kids agree.

Now follow me.

Nothing personal, King Freddy, but this
doesn't seem like much of a clubhouse.

Stop thinking like a fourth -grader,
Detweiler. This isn't the clubhouse.

Guards, any K -4s watching?

We're clear, sir. Very well.

Whoa!

Yes, yes. That's what they all say. You
may enter after me.

A super passageway? This is my kind of
club. I interest in it. Mine, too.

Whoa!

Huh? Quickly, Gus. On your feet.

Yes, you can check it out.

Welcome to the fifth and sixth graders
club.

Hello, newcomers. Hey, you buds.

Bottoms up.

Hi, guys.

Like, pull up a cushion.

Hey, wait a minute. Nobody told me the
Ashseys were going to be in here.

Oh, yeah?

Bet no one told you we'd be in here,
neither.

Oh, man, you let Lawson in here? What
kind of club is this?

Hey, hey, Vince, it's okay. It's cool.
We're all fifth and sixth graders here.

So? So, in the fifth and sixth graders
club, fifth and sixth graders all get

along. There ain't no us guys and them
guys no more. Here we're all us guys,

except the girls.

They're us girls.

What about Randall? Ah, he's a snitch,
and therefore not a member.

Enjoy yourselves, and remember, keep
this a secret from the little kids, or

else.

Well, Vince, what do you say? Join me
and the guys in the game of Crazy

Well, what do you think, Teej? You want
to play?

What are you playing for?

Cheesy pretzels.

There's a whole big bowl of them in the
kitchen. Then count me in. He's got it.

So let me get this straight. I can come
hang out near you guys, and you won't

annoy me or act like snobs? Of course
not, silly.

Seeing as how we are all fifth and sixth
graders.

Hey, they're putting up with me.
Something I would never have done in

grade. Yeah, well, only I don't read
those dumb teeny bopper magazines, so

there's no... Holly Palooka!

Only the best for us big kids.

Good eye, Gretch. Yeah, close one.
Wouldn't want the little kids spoiling

fun. Oh, I would be worried about
spoiling much more than that. What are

talking about?

Don't you see? The fifth and sixth
grader club isn't just a place to have

It's a utopian experiment in niceness
and equality.

Yeah, for the first time in my life, big
kids hung out with me, and they didn't

beat me up.

Gelman even hugged me. The club is one
big hug, Gus. A rainbow hug of

togetherness. Uh, sure, Mikey. And as
long as there's salty snack foods, I'm

there. Let's go back tomorrow.

Don't gotta ask me twice.

Ah, the big kid life, Mikey.

It's the way life was meant to be.

Well, my fifth -grade friends, yet
another recess.

Shall we head off to the clubhouse?

But of course. I guess that's okay with
me. Although, Gus, nothing personal, but

you might want to lay off the snack
foods.

Yeah, we've only been going there for a
week, and you've really packed on the

pounds. What, this?

I guess that's club life for you.

Actually, Q says it makes me look very
distinguished.

Yes, Vince, and I've never heard Lawson
criticize Gus's appearance.

Hey, I'm not criticizing.

Just noticing is all.

Well, I am criticizing.

How come every time we go down there,
you end up hanging out with those goons?

Please, Benelli, they're our friends.

Hey, guys, you want to play kickball
with us?

You know, a good old game of kickball
actually does sound good. But, Vince...

They're fourth graders.

So? What do you say, guys?

Yeah, I think a little fresh air might
do me good. Cool!

Count me in. Then you're on.

Meet you on the field.

You got it. All right.

You guys coming? You can't be serious.

Yeah. Why would we hang out on the
playground with little kids when we

treated so great by big kids?

To the club, Gus?

Naturally, Mikey. To the club.

This is the very funniest joke I've ever
heard. Hey, chums, I have another one.

Why did the fourth grader cross the
road?

Beats me, Gus. Why?

Because he started sucking his thumb and
lost control of his tricycle.

There they are again, hanging with their
new buddies and laughing it up. It's

bad enough they hang out with those guys
in the clubhouse, but now they're

eating lunch with them, too?

I guess there's nothing wrong with that,
is there? I just figured by now they

get kind of sick of them.

Yes. Well, I hate to say this, but I'm
starting to get a little sick of Gus and

Mikey. They are getting a little
annoying. But I bet it's nothing a

with their old buddies won't fix. Come
on, Vince. Let's go talk to them.

And so, the first grader says to the
other first grader, Duh, what do I know?

I'm just a dumb first grader. Get it?

Hey, guys. Hello, TJ and Vince.

Pop two chairs, fifth graders.

Oh, thanks, but no thanks.

We just wanted to see if Mikey and Gus
would like to come eat with us.

Thanks, TJ, but we're having a pretty
good time over here. Yeah, I can hear

laughing. You guys are always laughing.
What's so funny, anyway?

Why, everyone but us fifth and sixth
graders.

Little kids are pint -sized, and they
don't even know their knowledge yet.

They're pathetically amusing.

But I thought you guys liked little
kids.

Oh, Vince, it's only a bit of harmless
fun.

Yeah, what they don't know won't hurt
them. And believe me, those guys are so

dumb, they don't know nothing.

I think I'm done with my lunch.

Let's head out for some after lunch
eating at the club.

Don't be strangers, PJ.

You're always welcome at the club.

They've gone over to the bad side, Teej.
We've lost them for good.

You might be right, Vince.

But on the other hand, maybe they're
right. At least one last time, maybe we

should drop in at the club.

Ah, good morning, five and sixers. Here
bright and early for your regular visit

to the steam room? Sorry to drag you out
here before school, Menlo. Such is

one's fate when one is the king's
messenger boy and locksmith lad. Follow

I'll open up the clubhouse.

Assuming there are no little children
watching, I'll simply... Hello?

The entrance!

It's already open! But that can't be!

The only people who know the combination
are the king and me! Someone broke in?

I must alert King Freddy!

What do we do? Who do you think is in
there? It's a deadly killer thief.

Carrillo, go in and find out. Okay.

Oh, shoot. It's just some fifth graders.

Sit, Wyler. What are you guys doing down
here? We just thought we'd drop by for

an early morning visit. What a wonderful
coincidence.

So did we.

Yeah, only I should probably let you
know, we invited a few special guests

along, too. And they aren't fifth or
sixth graders.

Hi. Big kids?

Nice place you got here.

Are you out of your brain? Those two
guys are first graders.

You can't bring them in here.

How come not?

You're a little kid. That's right,
Hector and Tubby, and this clubhouse is

big kids. I don't understand.

Yeah, guys, I'm sorry, but you gotta
explain things better to Hector and

here. They are just first graders after
all. So why is it again they can't come

in here? Mikey? Gus?

Well, because...

Because they... Because first graders
are a bunch of babies. That's why. They

ruin everything.

They're stupid. They got no manners.
They smell like cat food.

Hey, now wait just a minute. Wait a
minute, nothing. All my life I worked to

a big kid, and I ain't letting some
little babies ruin it. But you can't

say such terrible things right in front
of them. What's your problem? You've

been saying stuff behind their backs all
along.

Now come on, are you big kids or not?

I am a big kid, but I have a feeling
I've been a very bad one. Gosh, Mikey,

we've been jerks.

What's going on here? I demand to know.

Get Wilder and those guys let these two
first grader guys into the fifth and

sixth grade clubhouse.

First graders? This is a betrayal of
everything the fifth and sixth grader

stands for. I have no choice but to
think up the most severe punishment

imaginable. Then, sir, you're going to
have to punish me, too. And me, because

we truly deserve it.

Hector, Tevi, we're very, very sorry.

Very well, then. I shall punish you all.
No, Freddy.

No, you shall not.

King Bob, what are you doing here? I
thought you were in seventh grade now.

I am, but Detweiler contacted me last
night and asked for my help. As a former

king, I was able to let my friend here
in ahead of you. But why would you do

such a thing?

Surely you realize that... I realize
I've heard some very disturbing things,

Freddy. This clubhouse, this place of
leisure, it has become a hotbed of

intolerance toward little kids. So
what's wrong with that?

Hey, what do I care what you say? You
don't even go here no more. No, I don't.

But next year, when you move on to the
seventh grade, I'll be an eighth grader,

waiting for you. And then you'll see
what's wrong with it.

Oh.

Hector? Tubby, please forgive me. Yeah,
I don't know what got into us.

Well, Gus, this place is pretty cool.
It's easy to see why you hung around

so much. But I guess if all you do is
hang around with people who are just

you, you start forgetting how other
people feel. And sometimes, you even

thinking you're better than them. Well
spoken, Detweiler. I see your speech

-making abilities have not declined in
my absence.

As for you, Freddy, your job is to see
that all kids are treated fairly, even

the little ones. Remember, there will
always be kids who are bigger than you,

who consider you a little kid, too.

Nevertheless, Detweiler and his friends
have broken the rules.

Therefore, they are to be covered in
lard, dragged across the monkey bars,

cooked by the cafeteria ladies.

Uh, don't you think that's a bit harsh?

Oh, very well.

They are hereby kicked out of the fifth
and sixth graders club.

That's okay with me. Us too. Well, ha ha
ha.

Thanks, Dumbweiler.

Yeah, that's right, Jet Wiener. I'm
talking to you. And all your friends,

you big bunch of losers.

Now that you're kicked out of the club,
what do you say we play you a kickball

and prove what a bunch of losers you
really are?

What do I say?

I say you're on.

Yeah! And I also say it's great to see
that things are back to normal.

And things really did seem back to
normal.

Week after normal week went by.

September turned into October.

Gus got some exercise and lost all that
weight.

But the new school year had one more
surprise in store for us, all of which

brings me back to where I began my tale,
Halloween.

Believe it or not, this year Halloween
came close to being the worst night

It's just the costume I'm looking for.

Gus Griswold is Garnoff the Bulbous.
When school's out today, I'm heading

in there and buying it. Good choice,
Gus.

Yeah, Garnoff is wicked.

Wonderfully wicked. Unfortunately, that
gorilla there seems to think so, too.

Huh?

No! Mr. Kelso, you canceled that! It's
the last one of the four!

Happy Halloween to you, too, Gus.

Oh, now what am I going to do?

Don't sweat it, Gus. You've got a whole
12 hours till the official start of

trick -or -treating. I bet you've
already got a great costume.

Yeah, what are you going to ask this
year, Tease? Well, with all respects to

Garner, who doesn't really exist, I'm
going as the real scariest thing on

A flesh -eating zombie.

A zombie? That is so old school.

You want scary? Three little words.

Grave robbing ghoul. Oh, please. Talk
about old school.

Um, excuse me, but what... exactly is
the difference between a flesh -eating

zombie and a grave robin ghoul? Oh,
you'll see tonight. The flesh -eating

will be the scary one. Nuh -uh.

He'll be the one getting his pants
scared off by the grave robin ghoul. I'm

you'll both be very scary, but no one
will be as frightening as Spinelli. Oh,

yeah. Spinelli always has the best
costume. Remember last year when she was

mutant with pus shooting out of her
eyes? A tasty concoction of spray cheese

pistachio pudding.

Yeah, I gotta admit, she was scary.

And she sure raked in the candy. Nobody
has a Halloween spirit like Spinelli.

Hey, where is Spinelli anyway?

Probably late making out a big old batch
of fake blood. She'll catch up to us.

Spinelli? Oh, hey guys.

It's Halloween.

What are you doing in class before the
bell even rings?

Oh, well, you know, early to bed, early
to rise.

All right, quiet down, you miscreants,
and happy Halloween.

I know how you all love this day, so
I've prepared a special treat.

Yam cupcakes with prune icing.

There's only enough for one apiece, so
don't be greedy.

Uh, Miss Finster, thanks for the
cupcakes and all, but I can't help

How come you dressed up as a big
mosquito?

A mosquito?

I'm not a mosquito. I'm a fairy
princess.

Why, Miss Finster, what a surprise.

Look at me. I'm dressed as a fairy
prince.

I had no idea we'd match, but isn't it
great? Sorry, Randall. This is the one

day of the year when you don't get
points for kissing up.

Aw. All right, phase two of our
classroom fun. I need someone to lead us

Sweet Tooth Igor, the candy -loving
vampire bat.

Spinelli, you're a big fan of Halloween
traditions.

Start singing.

Uh, thanks, but no thanks, Miss Finster.
Like, pick...

Totally better singers anyway.

All right, Ashleys, front and center.
And after that, we'll bob for pickles.

Then, a spelling test.

Enjoy.

Igor the Sweet Tooth Vampire Bat Had a
very, very pointy fang

And if he ever landed on you You might
jump and shout all day

But don't be scared of...

I've got it. All dressed up as Zool.

Armored ogre of doom.

I know no other kid's going to be
dressed as Zool. Excuse me, people.

Out of my way, please.

Step aside now. You don't want to mess
with Zool.

It's okay, Gus.

You'll think of something else. I'm sure
he will, Vince. But you know what I'm

thinking. How come we're all standing in
line for our Halloween mystery lunch,

but Spinelli's sitting over there eating
a bad lunch from home? Well, that's

weird. The cafeteria's mystery lunch is
one of the high points of the holiday.

Mmm, mysterious.

Not as mysterious as Spinelli. Come on.

Hi there, Spinelli.

Mind if we sit with you? Autumn is the
season of togetherness, after all. Uh,

sure. Pull up a bench.

I gotta say, Spinelli, I'm a little
worried about you. It's Halloween, but

didn't walk with us this morning, you
didn't stay in class, and now you're not

even eating the mystery lunch.

Could it be that you simply wore the
Spinelli costume to school, but you

aren't Spinelli at all? All right,
Delman, enough already. Come out of

It's okay, Gus. It's me. I've just
changed is all. What are you talking

Look, I didn't want to bother you guys
with this because I knew you'd be all

into Halloween, and I didn't want to
spoil it for you. That, Spinelli, is

impossible. So continue.

Well, okay.

It all happened yesterday at the pumpkin
patch.

It started out like every other trip
I've taken to the pumpkin patch every

Halloween. I was really looking forward
to it. Here we are, Pookie.

Colonel Jack's pumpkin patch.

Isn't it great, honey? This place hasn't
changed since we first brought you here

as a baby. I'm going to go pick out the
freakiest looking pumpkin I can find.

Too round.

Too cute.

Too pretty.

Too smooth.

You are gonna make the ugliest,
scariest, creepiest jack -o' -lantern on

block! Jack -o' -lantern?

Well, well, well!

Spinelli's gonna make a little bitty
jack -o' -lantern! What do you know

that?

Beat it, Lawson! And so what if I'm
making a jack -o' -lantern? You guys got

pumpkins, too!

Oh, we ain't gonna carve them. We're
gonna bust them open with heavy stuff. I

got a brick for my birthday.

Hey, Spinelli! I bet you're going out
trick -or -treating. Of course I am.

that's just hilarious.

You're a fifth grader. Next thing you
know, you'll be in sixth grade, like us.

And then in eighth grade, and whatever
comes next.

So what?

So, Halloween is for babies. Look
around.

You're the oldest kid out here. Except
for us.

Me or a pumpkin?

Mine, mine, mine!

Spinelli's a fifth grade baby.

Ha ha! You gotta stop trick -or
-treating sometimes, Spinelli. So when's

gonna be?

None of your business, Lawson. Now beat
it.

Oh, we'll beat it, Spinelli. Yes, we
will beat it.

Come on, guys.

Stupid goombas.

Oh, sweetie.

I see you've already got a pumpkin.

Hey, that's a beauty.

Well, not really, but good job.

Thanks. Can we go now?

Go? But we just got here. Don't you want
to make a candy apple witch?

You always make a candy apple witch.

You know, I kind of suddenly just don't
feel like it.

So, let's buy the pumpkin and go, okay?
Well, all right. But not before I get a

picture of you sitting on the giant
pumpkin. I've got a picture of you every

year since you were a baby.

Smile, sweetie.

Oh, what a good girl. That'll make an
adorable picture.

Okay, sweetie, your turn.

There you go.

Now, smile and say spooky.

Spooky.

I guess you've gotten too big to sit on
the pumpkin.

Who'd have thought, Pookie? Boy, you
really must be growing up.

And so, there you have it. For the first
time in his life, Lawson was right

about something.

I am too big for Halloween.

That's crazy talk, Spinelli. You can't
give up Halloween just because of a

defective pumpkin.

It's not just a pumpkin. It's me.

Suddenly I'm just not into it. You don't
know what you're saying.

You'll get back into it as soon as you
put on your costume. And once we get out

trick -or -treating. Yeah.

Look, guys, I told you I really didn't
want to talk about this with you. I

have a costume, so you go ahead and make
your plans without me. Because my trick

-or -treating days are over.

All right, sweetie, there's a number on
the fridge where you can reach us

tonight. Oh, and did I tell you there's
more candy in the pantry if you run low?

Only about 100 times.

Hey, are you sure you don't want to go
trick -or -treating?

Yeah, Dad. For the 200th time, I'm sure.
Well, I guess that's everything, then.

Whoa, not everything.

Put this on when you answer the door.
The kids will love it. I'm not putting a

mask on, Dad.

Remember, I'm too old. Whatever you
think is best, Pookie, but I'm telling

it's a hoot.

Whatever.

We'll be back by 10, sweetie.

Happy Halloween.

Thanks.

Finally, a little peace and quiet.

Now, back to the four numbskulls meet
the vampire's ghost.

Ah, now you never get too old for this.

Jeez, the tiny tots are arriving
already.

Oh, hi guys. Nice costumes.

Toilet paper, Gus?

Yep. Well, I guess you came for some
candy. Take all you want. We didn't come

for candy, Spinelli. We came for you.
Oh, come on. I told you I'm not trick

-treating. That's what you said earlier
today. But it's the witching hour.

Surely now you can't resist.

Look, sorry, but I've outgrown
Halloween.

Once you've outgrown something, you just
can't un -outgrow it. I say you're

wrong. All you're thinking about is your
crummy time at the pumpkin patch. What

you should be thinking about is all the
great times we have on Halloween night,

like at the Edelman's.

Here you go, children!

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween!

Tons of candy just spooned into our
bags.

And hey, what about all the thrills and
chills? Like the old McPherson place.

I mean, having a walk through a
graveyard? Get out of here!

And that creepy dude with the candy.

I don't think Mr. McPherson even knows
he's there.

What truly terrifies me is having to
walk past the old abandoned prison. You

just know there's an unreformed felon
inside watching you.

But nothing compares to the old Gordon
place.

That's right, Gus.

Nothing compares to the old Gordon
place.

The perfect terrifying end to a
perfectly terrifying evening.

To this day, I swear to you that those
people are vampires.

Hello there, children.

Maybe you'd like some candy.

It's the finest candy. I'm sure you'll
enjoy it. Yep. Those Transylvanian

accents are a dead giveaway.

Sorry, TJ, but those aren't
Transylvanian accents. The Gordons are

Massachusetts. I asked my mom.

Massachusetts?

Where's that?

Someplace scary, no doubt.

Guys, thanks for sharing all the
memories. But if you want to have any

tonight, you better get going. Please,
Benelli, you must join us. Listen, all

that stuff that used to seem so great
about Halloween, well, I look at it

differently now. It's like the magic's
gone, okay?

It's just something that happens when
you get older. So go on. I'll see you

tomorrow.

But we're just as old as she is. I don't
see things differently.

Me neither.

I don't think.

Forget about it, guys.

Come on. Yeah, let's go.

Let's go.

Trick or treat.

Oh, what adorable costumes.

Here, children.

Happy Halloween.

Happy Halloween.

Thanks, Mrs. Edelman. See, I don't care
what Spinelli says.

For me, nothing can ruin the magic of
this moment. You said it, Teej.

He did.

Not to look a gift horse of the mouth,
but...

This candy is sugarless. What? Say it
ain't so.

Well, of course it is. I always give out
sugarless candy.

I am a dentist after all. Happy
Halloween.

And remember to brush and floss tonight.

Oh, I know you will.

Sugarless candy?

What a fiendish, fiendish trick.

In the past, I've always been too
wonderfully excited to read the fine

my Halloween candy.

Well, so what? Come on. There's plenty
more fine in the store besides the

Edelman's.

Hi, Digger Sam. Hi, Digger Dave.

Hey, how did you know it was us?

Just a wild guess.

Here, have some candy. Gee, Spinelli,
you could at least pretend to be scared.

Yeah, it's Halloween for dirt's sake.
Where's your spirit?

Sorry, guys. I grew out of it. Well, not
us. And there are a lot of little kids

coming this way. We'll tell them to skip
this house if you're just going to be a

grump. No, don't tell them that. I'll
try and act more into it, okay?

Well, okay.

Oh, my.

What have we here?

Some very scary costumes.

But we're not supposed to be scary.

I'm an astronaut.

I'm a ballerina.

And I'm a wholesome wedge of cheese.

Oh, sorry. I guess what I meant to say
was... I guess

I'm the scary one.

Have some candy.

Thanks, lady. That was...

The old McPherson place.

Now this is Halloween at its creepiest.
I'm telling you guys, walking through a

graveyard? Get out of here.

And look, here he is, the creepy fellow
with a bowl of candy.

All right, here we go.

Boy, oh boy. Now what would Spinelli say
about this?

She'd probably say we shouldn't run away
when the guy makes a grab for us. Like

there's nothing to be scared of. All
right. Perhaps then we should resist

running just to tell her how much more
terrifying it is. All right, guys. If

you're up for it, I am.

Get ready to grab.

One, two, three.

Oh,

great.

You broke my motorized ghoul dummy. Now
I'm going to have to patch him with

chicken wire.

Sorry, Mr. McPherson.

Well, you should be. The little kids who
really believe in ghouls sure are going

to be disappointed now.

Maybe we should have just run away after
all. Look, the graveyard.

With the light on, those don't even look
like real gravestones.

They're just made of plywood?

It's just like Spinelli said.

When you look at everything in a new
way, it really does take out the magic.

Yeah, well, forget it, guys. It doesn't
mean anything.

Because I know a place that's really
going to scare us.

How's that?

Pretty good. Just make sure when you
growl, you really growl from your guts,

okay? Gotcha.

Oh, and one other thing. Always wear
fake blood so people will know you're

carnivores. Thanks, Spinelli.

Happy Halloween!

Hey there, Spinelli. Happy Halloween.

Miss Finster?

You scared the bejeebers out of me.
That's the idea.

Hey, I thought you were a fairy
princess.

Only till the moon comes out. Say, are
your folks here?

Nah, they went out for the evening.

That's too bad.

I was going to invite them to a spooky
shindig with some friends.

Hey, how come you're not out trick -or
-treating with your friends?

Uh, I... I think I'm too old for that
stuff.

You do?

Oh, well, I've got a party to go to.
Here's the number where your folks can

reach me in case they get back early.

Okay, Miss Finster.

Have fun.

Oh, I will.

I will.

Woo!

Hey, Miss Finster!

Wait! What's that?

Actually, before you go, there's
something I want to ask you. About

All right, guys. Halloween hasn't been
too great so far, but the old abandoned

prison is guaranteed to make up for it.
It certainly does look frightening.

Uh -oh. My neck just tingled. That's
tiggled, Gus.

And mine did, too.

Yep. Right about now is when we usually
take off screaming down the street.

Hey, my neck stopped tingling. Tiggling,
Gus.

And mine did, too.

I don't get it. How come I'm not that
scared?

Because it ain't scary, you dopes.

Oh, don't tell me you wittle trick -or
-treaters still think that place is an

old prison.

Well, sure we do. That's what it is.
What's it to you, Lawson?

Oh, nothing.

Except you're wrong.

Carrillo.

You see? Good thing you didn't run away
like usual, or you never would have

found out that this is just the old
Department of Motor Vehicles.

But the DMV?

That's just an extremely boring office
building.

That's right!

Now let's go bug some other little kids.

Yeah, let's go. Come on. The Department
of Motor Vehicles?

Man, it's like nothing we've seen
tonight has been scary or fun.

Alas, the magic truly is gone.

I've got to admit, maybe Spinley's
right.

Maybe we're too old for Halloween, too.

So I don't get it, Miss Finster. I
figured I was too old for Halloween. But

just staying at home while everyone else
is out there having fun, it doesn't

feel right.

I kind of want to be out there with
them. Well, why wouldn't you? Halloween

great. Well, sure, when you're little.

Heck, I'm in the prime of my womanhood,
and just look at me.

I love Halloween.

But aren't you ever going to grow out of
it? Ah, who knows?

Some do, some don't. It's not really
about how old you are. It's how you feel

inside. Now, I really don't know what to
think.

Oh, I got a feeling you do.

Trust yourself, Spinelli. And remember,
tough gals like us, we never let other

people tell us how to feel.

Well, gotta go. Leave for my party.

If your folks get home early, have them
give me a call.

And happy Halloween, Spinelli, however
you decide to spend it.

Thanks, Miss Finster. I will.

Hey,

Ashley, have you seen TJ and the guys?
Like, not me.

Upside down, girl?

You looking for TJ and the guys? Yeah,
Hustler Kid. Have you seen them? Yeah,

about ten minutes ago. They were heading
home. Home? Already?

They seem kind of down in the dumps,
saying stuff like how you were right.

They're too old for Halloween.

Oh, no. I ruined it for them. Now what
am I going to do?

Hey, wait a minute.

Hustler Kid, let me use your cell phone.
I got some calls to make. All right.

But if you're planning some shady
conspiracy, just be sure you don't

me.

Okay, Spinelli, so here we all are, at
the old Gordon place.

Why'd you call us and ask us to meet you
here?

I was just thinking, since we're all so
grown up and everything, why not pay the

old joint a visit? But we come by here
every year, Spinelli. Nothing else has

lived up to our expectations.

Why should this be any different?

Every other year, the Gordons lived
here. But I just happened to know that

moved away.

And this year, no one lives here.

So? So, how's about we pay a visit to
the inside?

Inside? Of the G -Gordon house?

Yeah, come on!

Unless you're too scared.

I'm not scared at all.

Yeah, that's just what I figured.

Guys, this is dumb. If we're too old for
trick -or -treating, then we're old

enough to walk into some abandoned
house.

Let's go.

Okay.

Wyatt T .J. is growing up. He's
developed adolescent powers of magic.

Uh, I didn't do that, guys.

The door opened by itself.

Unless a ghost opened it. A ghost?

Only big kids don't believe in ghosts.

Oh, yeah.

I'm sure there's a completely rational
explanation we can ponder from the

of our homes.

Guys, if we're gonna be big, we gotta go
inside.

That's right. We're not scared and we're
going inside. Come on.

Believe in ghosts, remember?

Oh, jeez. This is way creepier than I
thought it would be. I'm so sorry I got

you guys into this.

Perhaps we should call the authorities.
Quick, call the DMV.

Did you hear that?

That wasn't your stomach by any chance,
was it, Mikey?

I don't think so.

That one definitely wasn't.

Look, I believe the sound was coming
from there.

This is all my... fault, guys, so I
better check it out. Are you nuts?

It might be our only way out of here.

It's a cellar. I'm going down.

Spinelli, no!

thought I'd be happy to see your face.

Yeah, well, you should have seen your
face just a second ago.

Hey, kids.

Those were some really far -out screams
of terror.

I don't get it. What are you all doing
here?

We rented out the old Gordon place for a
party. Spinelli had my cell phone

number, and she called us to help pull
this Halloween trick.

Spinelli? That's right.

I set you up, guys.

Why would you do such a cruel and
horrible thing?

Because it's fun.

You know, now that I realize I'm safe,
the last 10 minutes were rather

thrilling. Kind of like Halloween in the
good old days, huh?

Well, these still are the good old days,
as long as you want them to be. And

don't let some goomba convince you
otherwise.

Thanks, Spinelli. Well, kids, now that
you've had your trick, here's your

Whoa! Hardy, hardy! Wait a minute, guys.

It's not sugarless, is it?

Nope, it's the real stuff.

Well, Spinelli, it looks like your
little plan worked.

It went all to you, Miss Finster. Thanks
to you, everyone's having a happy

Halloween. Well, it's like my mother
always used to say.

So it turned out okay after all. For us,
anyway.

And you know something?

It seems like things usually do turn out
okay. Sure, being a kid can be tricky.

We're growing all the time. Things are
always changing.

My voice. What happened to my voice?

But no matter how much things really do
change, I figure as long as we stick up

for what we believe in and stay true to
ourselves, everything will be all right.

And who knows?

Seeing as how we've made it through so
much already, I've got a feeling this

might be our best year yet.

Really, I mean it.