Original subtitles

It was the best of times, it was the wampinest of times.

It was just a regular school day that started out quiet, harmless, downright

tender. But tenderness never lasts forever, and before we knew it, that day

would take us to a place none of us thought we'd ever go again.

I can't believe we had to sit for a whole hour listening to Prickly talk

foot hygiene.

And that had to be the grossest, most disgusting video of all time.

That's all right, guys, because we've got a whole hour of recess to get over

I don't know, TJ.

All that foot talk kind of made me woozy. I think I'd better go see Nurse

Kramer.

Poor guy.

He'll be okay.

Indeed. But he's that quivering exterior beats a heart of steel.

So will it be, guys.

Kickball? Oh, yeah!

No, no kicking. We gotta do something that takes my mind off feet.

Why, then this would be an excellent time to try out my new croquet set.

Cro -what set?

It's a British game. Very popular with the upper classes. Shall we?

Hey, so we hit each other with these hammers? I think I'm gonna like this

Oh, no. You use these mallets to shoot wickets. We just need to find a large

empty field to play on. That might be a bit of a problem. Aw, man, there's no

space anywhere.

It seems my dream of playing the backyard game of Kings is not to be.

Hey, wait.

What about the old abandoned playground?

Yeah, no one ever goes there.

A brilliant idea.

My dream is restored.

Ah, here she is. The old abandoned playground.

Now this is more like it. No one's going to bug us back here.

Yeah, well, I'm not so sure.

I forgot how eerie this place was. Indeed.

All the terrible memories are flooding back to me. Oh, come on, guys.

Don't tell me you're worried because of what happened last time.

Yeah, they promised they wouldn't come out here anymore.

I guess that's true.

Excuse me, friends, but I understand the key to croquet enjoyment is to start a

croquet game.

You got it, Michael.

What do we do? Everyone take a hoop, then spread out and put them in the

Yeah, and Gretch, Spinelli, take it from me. All you gotta worry about is

getting your wicked stomp by yours truly.

Nothing to worry about, huh?

Get out of here, I'm making KINDERGARTNER PANCAKES! Quiet, big kid!

pancakes! You in jail!

But we didn't do anything!

We're innocent croquet enthusiasts!

Yeah, and I'll have you know that this goes against every rule of big kid

-kindergarten relations.

That's right.

Since the last incident, the old playground was specifically but

kid territory.

Captain Sticky, you're in charge here. Tell him to let us go.

Captain Sticky not in charge no more.

You're not?

Well, I demand to know who is.

I'm in charge.

Me,

Chief Stinky.

Chief Stinky?

Never heard of you. Me too, I'm here.

Well, that explains it. See, Stinky, maybe where you come from, big kids

to be tied up. But is this school more nice?

Big kids are lying.

Not listen to big kids.

What big kids? I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, I don't care if those

guys listen, Stinky. They already know me.

Big kids play with kindergarteners. As a matter of fact, I did. Big kids play

kindergarteners. No, no. Just listen, Stink, and you'll see. It was nothing

that. In fact, it was kind of beautiful.

Although it started off pretty crummy. Sort of like today.

I'm telling you, man, Kirby Puckett is the greatest outfielder that ever lived.

What? You gotta be kidding me. Any of these guys is twice as good as Kirby

Puckett. I mean, he's short, he's stubby, he's got a lifetime average of

What about Babe Ruth? Randy Jackson? What do you mean?

It's not even hold a candle to Kirby Puckett. What? You wouldn't know talent

I... Hey, wait a second. Don't change the subject just because you know you're

wrong. No, Teej, look.

Huh? What?

The old playground.

I've heard about this place, but I thought it was just a myth.

They say it hasn't been used since the 70s. We shouldn't be here, man.

It really gives me the creeps. Yeah.

Let's... What the hell?

Get me down from here!

Oh, no!

Kindergarteners! But where are they coming from?

You'll be okay, man.

You'll be okay.

See, we came to this glaring, and that's where we... He's gone!

Poor T .J.

His baseball card.

Why did I leave him? I should have stayed here. I should have done

Hey, you did what any kid would have done. Yeah, ran for her life and left

friend hanging there.

Oh. Look.

They've probably taken it back to their pen. We don't have much time. Let's go.

The place is deserted.

They could be anywhere.

They've probably migrated to their winter encampment. But what have they

with TJ?

Maybe they let him go. Maybe he fought his way out. I'm afraid there's a

possibility of a far less pleasant scenario.

We gotta find him, you guys. Wherever we have to go, however long it takes, we

gotta find him. We're with you, Vince.

Let's go.

You know, I understand they use every part of the tricycle.

The unthinkable has happened.

I am a prisoner of the kindergartners.

Time passes slowly here.

Why they've taken me? What they're going to do with me?

Who knows?

Even they can't seem to agree.

The one in the paper hat seemed to be their leader.

I call him Captain Sticky.

For obvious reasons.

Big Kid.

No, uh, me, TJ.

Big Kid! But... Big Kid!

Okay, okay, I'm Big Kid, whatever you say.

Yo, food!

Me? Food? No, no, no, not me. Don't taste good.

Me taste bad. Yucky poo -poo.

you want to give me food?

You eat! You eat!

Uh, no, that's okay. I'm not hungry.

Maybe later?

I'm safe for now. But I can't help wondering.

Are they giving me this food out of some sort of twisted kindness?

Or are they just trying to fatten me up?

They were here.

Yeah, but it's dry. The trail's cold.

They could be anywhere by now. We're not giving up. No one said anything about

giving up. Well, actually, I may have said something.

But we're not. We're gonna find TJ or we're gonna die trying.

I've lost all track of time now.

So far, the savages have left me alone.

But I don't know how much longer I can hold out.

They nab me before lunch. And if I don't eat soon, it won't matter what they do.

I've got one job now.

Staying alive.

Mmm.

Nougat.

Can it be?

They're letting me go?

Well, uh, thanks for everything. I guess I'll just be hitting the old road.

On second thought, maybe I'll just hang out for a while.

Nice yardsticks.

Are you kidding? That's for Kinder.

Okay, so who is that yellow?

I didn't see nothing. Come on, we know they were here.

What do you mean? I don't know what you're talking about.

Okay, okay, they were here.

It was terrible.

Me and the others were just hanging out on the jungle gym and suddenly they was

all around us.

We was lucky to get out alive.

Was there a fourth grader with them?

I don't know. I said, was there a fourth grader with them? I don't know. I

didn't see. I just ran, okay?

I just ran.

Let him go, Vince.

He didn't see anything.

But I'll tell you one thing.

If there was a fourth grader with them, I wouldn't hold out much hope.

I don't know what's going on.

A part of me knows that what's happening is terrible. And yet, I... I... I'm

having fun.

Nap time.

Nap! No, thanks. I'm too old for naps. Nap!

Nap good.

We've looked everywhere, Vince.

Face it, we're not going to find him. If the kindergartners still have him, we

may not want to find him. Come on, guys, we can't give up. This is TJ we're

talking about.

Guys, guys, look what I found.

What's that?

A half -eaten lollipop, and it's still wet. What that mean?

Right, they can't be far down.

I knew it. Come on, let's go. Wait. What is it?

Can I have the rest of the lollipop?

There it is.

Missed them. We were so close.

So close.

Hey, look.

A winger dinger.

Well,

at least we found them.

What are they going to do to us? Who knows? Probably the same thing they did

TJ.

Is it really you?

T .J. gone.

I'm Big Kid now.

He's become one of them.

T .J., listen to me. You're not one of them. You're one of us.

No! I am Kindergartner! I am Kindergartner!

No, you're not a Kindergartner. You're T .J., and I'm Vince.

Vince.

That's right, T .J., and this is Finnelli, and that's Mikey and Gretchen

Gus. We're your friends.

You're one of us. No!

Yes, T .J., you're a fourth grader. You don't like finger painting and naps. You

like kickball and foursquare and Little League.

And baseball, TJ. You love baseball.

Look.

Kirby Puckett. Yes, TJ, yes.

It'll be okay, man.

It'll be okay.

Here, let me tie him for you.

Shoes, underpants.

I just can't get used to all this stuff.

Hey, man, it takes time.

I mean, we're out there for hours.

But don't worry, soon you'll be back to normal.

Whatever happened out there, you can put it all behind you. Yes, your terrifying

ordeal is over.

No, you guys, you don't understand.

I, uh, I liked it. You liked it?

Imagine it, guys. When you're a kindergartner, you eat whatever you

whatever you want, go wherever you want to go. There's no rules.

When you paint, you don't use a brush.

You just stick your hands right in the paint and feel the color.

And you take naps, guys, right in the middle of the day.

Do you have any idea how refreshing that is?

But, TJ, it's so primitive.

Primitive? Maybe so. But I was free, you guys.

Free. In fact, there's a part of me that wishes I could go back.

But, TJ, you can't go back.

He's right. Even they can't go back.

What do you mean, Gretchen? Don't you see? Their way of life is coming to an

end. By this time next year, they'll be first graders.

So you see, Chief Stinky, in a way, I am a kindergartner. I'm one of you. And

don't worry, I can vouch for all my friends here. They're A -OK.

So how's about you let us go?

No! Big kids lie!

Big kids all bad!

But Yellow Boy, you watch big kids while Stinky think of Boom Boom.

Boom Boom? What's that?

Big kids get bad punishment.

Like what?

Something bad.

Big, big bad.

That's okay, guys, because now that Stinky's not watching, Hector can let us

Don't worry, Hector. We'll tie you up and make it look like we conked you on

head. No! Make it stay right here! What's with you? I thought you were a

kindergartner. I thought most of you were nice.

Have you pint -sized delinquents gone mad?

Emma! Zed!

Spitzer! Jake!

And yes, you too, little Hector.

It seems you've forgotten who your friends are. That being the case, I

shall remind you. Fangirl, keep quiet!

Because there was a day not so long ago when we let you into our lives when no

one else would have you.

That's right. Is it all coming back now?

Well, in case it's not, allow me to elaborate.

It was, for us big kids, going to be another carefree day of big kid fun. But

then Miss Grokey appealed to our amazing big kid instincts for big kid

generosity.

Pee Wee Pals, an idea whose time has come. For one week, fourth grade big

have an opportunity to interact one -on -one with the kindergarten saplings,

playing, sharing, learning, and caring during recess.

Here to explain more is the architect of the Pee Wee Pals pilot program, our own

kindergarten teacher, Mrs.

Klemperer. They all just sit there quietly, waiting.

It's beautiful.

Mrs. Klemperer? Huh? Oh, yeah. Um, well, I came up with this peewee house thing

to, uh, help the little ones prepare for the challenge of the numbered grades.

And buy me a little peace and quiet.

Yeah, yeah, that's all fine and good, but what's in it for us? Good question,

Spinelli. Each of you big trees will take away a sense of responsibility, a

deeper understanding of his slash herself, and a better idea of how we

are all one. Oh,

and two tickets to Gonzo World Water Park and Arcade.

Now, are there any volunteers?

Yes. They're eating it up like fudge.

This is Freddy.

Hiya, Fred. Meet Tubby. Tubby like Freddy.

Oh, man, this is going to be so easy. Gonzo World, here we come.

Yeah, I can smell the cotton candy and the chlorine now.

Okay, only six more left.

Kids, meet your peewee pals.

Emma. Jake.

Cindy. Zed.

Victor. And Spencer.

Run away!

Get them!

Well, seems like they're off to a copacetic start. Let's observe from a

distance. You mean like Cleveland?

Oh, man, this is a nightmare.

So it would remind me why we agreed to this. For the saplings?

saplings. I was doing it for Gonzo World. Now I'm not even sure it's worth

Not worth it? It's Gonzo World, guys. Haven't you seen the commercials?

They got huge water slides 100 feet tall, pounding rock music piped in the

pools, six types of corndogs, and the eviscerator, Flume of Doom.

You guys stay up here all day if you want to, but I'm going down there and

getting my ticket to Gonzo World.

CJ's right.

No munchkin's keeping me from tasting the spray of the world's most outrageous

water park.

I must admit, I'm intrigued by the physics of the eviscerator.

Corn dog.

Okay, this is gonna be cake. All we gotta do is keep asking ourselves,

it for me?

So, kid, what do you do for fun?

Spend some paper!

Huh. Well, I'm still full from breakfast.

Hey, how about marbles? You ever play marbles?

Marbles are yummy! Definitely not. But fun?

Forget about it.

Now then, this is a textbook.

Look, it has fewer pictures and a higher percentage of small print than you're

used to, but it's packed with the collective knowledge of all human kind.

that exciting?

Kill it!

This is a ball.

Here, catch.

Pretty flowers!

I think I'm gonna spew.

No! No!

Knock it off, will ya? Have some dignity. You want a round act and

I'll go over weeds and the world's gonna eat you alive.

Yuck. Yeah, yuck. You gotta get tough.

I got it. Ever arm wrestle?

Whistle? Lesson one.

Your equipment.

Poetry. You've gotta like poetry.

Tiger, tiger, burning bright in the forest of the night.

Okay. How about meditation?

Tai chi?

That you really know how to bring a guy down.

You'll cut yourself climbing over the sharp points on the top of the fence and

fall off and crack your head on the sidewalk to stagger into traffic without

looking and never live to see first grade!

Monkey bars!

Wait, wait, wait!

Monkey bars are a debt trap in primary colors!

Ooh, candy.

No, no, not candy.

Toys. The object is to take this big marble and use it to knock the smaller

marbles out of the circle. Watch and learn.

You watching, kid?

What time is it? Quarter after. Why?

Time for my medication.

I can't find him, sir. Well, keep looking.

That Marvel stunt was not good, Spencer.

Someone could have gotten hurt, namely you and me. Me like that.

It's me! It's who I am! Nobody wears this hat but me!

Hey, those are the breaks, kid. Now what are we gonna do for fun?

Too short for that.

Too stumpy for that.

Too fragile for that.

Aha!

Ah, the swings.

Can't top a classic. You know how to pump, kid? It's 50 % legs, 50 % arms,

50 % attitude.

Don't you sit there, pump!

Don't cross -swing her, girl. All those years of pumping have given her wicked

upper body strength.

What's the matter with you? I did all the running.

Ghosty.

Kids. I wonder if the rest of the guys are having this much fun.

Repeat after me.

The rain.

The rain.

In Spain.

In pain.

Falls mainly in the boys' temperate zone southwest of the Paradis Mountains.

Blue bee, blue bee, blue, blue, blue.

Emma, would you like to play a game? Game, game, game!

It's a very simple little board game called...

And he's out of there!

I mean, not too bad, Rookie. Try to get more loft.

I like to visualize shooting down a blimp circling the stadium.

Hey,

no shame in losing, kid. What do you say, best 8 out of 15?

I see a lion with shoes on.

Cloud shoes.

Yeah, kid, listen to Gus. He's pretty with it when it comes to safety.

He taught us to always contact the electric company to find out about

cables before starting any dig.

Wow, safety, man.

Boosty, boosty.

Hold up.

Spence, I got a hunch that Fountain's booby -trapped. Let me check this out.

Hey, let me play, or I'll make up something to tell Finster on you.

Man, that's a tasty way to cool off.

What are you babbling about, Detweiler? The drinking fountain. Kinky Soda's

doing product testing. They rigged it to dispense black cherry lime cooler.

Black cherry lime?

Out of my way!

Oh man, that was classic. Do I have an eye or what, kid?

Kid?

Shall we play again?

Excellent fake -out, Jake.

Hey, that's your new athletic nickname, Jake the Fake. Give me ten, Jake the

Fake.

Now you're getting it. Beware doesn't mean be afraid. It means be aware.

That looks like a fish on a trike. Yeah, and that one looks like a double

-decker bus with a rabbit on top.

Should we call them in now? No, no, just a few more minutes.

Oh, does the book indicate we should let them play together longer?

No, the book indicates that Lieutenant Chapeau is about to take one of Erin to

his well -muscled arms and... Curse! All right, all right.

Why, this is so strange.

Good, but strange.

My kids are practically behaving.

Yeah, we thought it was going to be tough, but the little munchkins turned

to be pretty cool after all.

Hey, I think I'm one short.

Yes, we're a TJ and a sapling.

Psst, we're down here.

TJ, what happened to you?

Oh, nothing. Except this little monster almost got me killed.

I thought this was going to be a cinch. Watch Little Kid for a while, go to

Gonzo World. Instead, I get bruised, splashed, kicked, yelled at, hunted,

threatened, chased, and nearly beaten up three different times. This kid is just

like me when I was in kindergarten.

What am I saying? I had a blast.

A blast!

Yay, TJ!

Kid, you'll go far. All you need are the right breaks, a diverse and special

group of friends, and, of course, the proper headgear.

Teej, are you N -U -T -S?

That's your hat!

It's okay, Spinelli. I'm going to see the little sapling tomorrow.

They're angels.

They're practically adults.

The peace, the quiet. I might even be able to get them to nap.

Class, let's go inside. It's time to put away our toys.

It turned out to be a good recess after all. Yeah, I got some exercise, made a

new pal, and best of all, I'm going to Ganza World. There's no downside.

There he is!

Dang, I was hoping they wouldn't recognize me without my hat. Gotta run.

Okay, so now that I think about it, maybe we didn't want anything to do with

at first, and maybe TJ did get into a lot of trouble, but the point is, we

befriended you nonetheless.

And I think it's only fair to expect the same friendship from you now.

Sorry, brain girl, but Chief Stinky's scary.

Stinky huge. Stinky huge.

So Big Kid's bad.

Boo! Boo!

This is unbelievable.

Simply by being large, loud, and pungent, Chief Stinky has them

intimidated. They'll do anything for him and nothing for us.

Maybe, Gretchen, but maybe not.

There's still one kindergartner I know who will help us. Who's that?

My friend Tubby, of course. Tubby and I formed a friendship that will overcome

any obstacle.

Big Kid! Big Kid!

Beacon, stop talking about Tubby. Why, look.

Here Tubby is now.

Hello, Tubby. Tubby never met you. But of course you have. Don't you remember?

Tubby not remember nothing.

Oh, then I'd be happy to remind you. It was the day all other students looked

forward to with great anticipation.

But not me, because for me, it had always been a day of anguish.

That's enough, Trumpet Boy.

Students, loyal subjects, it's time for the 25th Annual Kindergarten Derby.

Kindergarten what?

Derby, Gus.

Every year, it's big kids pick a kindergartner to train and run in the

A true test of championing. The derby runs the little types with the most

demanding obstacle course ever designed by the hand of a kid. And the little

goofball who wins gets any wish he wants, granted by King Bob.

I love it. It's pure competition.

Well, I don't love it. Aw, jeez. Don't start up with that again.

The kindergarten derby is truly the sport of kings. And as king, I say, I

first pick.

I will be the best.

You think we'll get lucky this year? Look will have nothing to do with it.

developed a foolproof formula based on an evaluation of his or her body

structure.

What's your name, boy?

Gilbert, Gilbert, Gilbert!

He even talks fast.

I, King Bob, select the kindergartner known as Gilbert to represent my world.

No! Stop, I beg of you. We can't treat these kindergartners like cattle.

We did it last year. Well, it was wrong last year, and wrong the year before

that, and it was wrong back when we were small. We need to end this inhumane

charade once and for all.

Anyway, as I was saying, I picked Gilbert.

Okay, Rabble, pick your loser.

Look at those cheekbones.

We'll take him.

Hey, Mikey, come on. Don't walk away.

Sorry, Vince. I cannot be a party to this injustice.

I can't believe the big softy's still bugging about what happened when he ran

the kindergarten derby. What did happen? Sorry, Gus. We swore we'd never speak

of it. But we double grandma swore.

What are you doing, little fella?

Tubby twaining! Poor kid.

I know how it is. They're making you run in that horrid race.

No, Tubby won't run. Tubby win big derby. I understand.

You want to win so King Bob will grant you your wish.

Tubby no care about wish. Tubby run to show he good runner.

Well, who's your sponsor?

Swimmer girl? Ashley?

Tubby no have sponsor.

No one pick Tubby.

Well, little friend, a life without disappointment is a life not lived.

you pick, giant man.

Me? No one. I refuse to participate in the debasement of kindergartners. Race

not in basement.

Race upstairs on playground.

Ah, never mind.

Why don't you pick, Tubby? Tubby run for you.

Sorry, Tubby, but it wouldn't be right.

Wait, you help Tubby, Twain. You be Tubby's big brother. Tubby don't have

brother. I've always wanted a little brother. But now it's not right.

Pretty, pretty, please, big giant boy.

All right. You've got yourself a trainer.

When I say go... He's not coming back, is he? No, sire.

Remember, Tubby, winning isn't important. Just finish.

On your mark, get set, go!

I'm exhausted.

Let's break for a winger dinner.

No! Tubby want more twain!

He's as determined as he is doomed.

Okay, Sandy, let's see your stuff.

Whoa. Dude, the kid's got some wheels.

No need to thank me, although this is evidence that my formula works.

Ooh, ladybug.

You and your lousy science.

Five minutes, 48 seconds. Not bad at all.

Thanks. Do you think Tubby wins?

Uh, Tubby finish. How's that sound?

Five minutes, 40... Five seconds.

Hey, that's an improvement.

Isn't that wonderful, Tubby?

Okay,

let's take five.

Tubby happy when he win big ways.

Trophy whoop delicious.

Tubby, try not to think so much about winning. Just concentrate on finishing.

No, Tubby really want to win.

Don't we all, Tubby?

Don't we all?

Why, Mikey said.

It's nothing.

I was just thinking about something that happened a long time ago.

Tell Tubby, big brother, then Tubby be sad too, just like Mikey.

Tubby, I told you, I don't want to talk about it. Tell Tubby, please.

Back when I was a kindergartner, I... I... I wasn't able to finish the derby,

okay?

Mikey no finish derby?

No, and I'm the only kid in the history of Third Street who didn't.

I just ran away.

Maybe big kids like us weren't meant to run.

Maybe we shouldn't even try.

No, you wrong, giant boy. We as good as anybody else. Me run and race. Me finish

for you.

Really? You'd do that for me?

That's what a widow bought us for.

Okay, stay loose. And remember, visualize.

Eye of the cheetah, baby. Eye of the cheetah.

Hey, Mikey, you picked a kid after all. Well, actually, he picked me.

Come on, Mikey, race about to start.

Step right up. Place your bets.

Sorry, kid, I don't take frozen desserts.

Manzilla, aren't you even gonna like that on your kid?

Actually, no.

For you see, to us, winning is unimportant.

We run for the simple thrill of competing. The shared sense of unity at

starting line. The human potential expressed in a thing as simple as a

Like bop, bop, bop, chicken.

Excuse me, tubby. Wait right here.

Hustler kid, I'd like to place a bet. What you got, big guy? A winger dinger.

Easy there, big spender. Don't break the bank. Yeah, but who can blame him for

betting small? Even he knows this kid won't win. He's Husky.

Pigeon Toad Husky.

That's it!

Here!

I bet 37 winger dingers on my friend Chubby.

The 25th annual Kindergarten Derby is about to begin.

Hustler Kid, close all betting.

Kid, where are you? None of your business.

I hate those guys.

As always, may the best little runt win.

Sound effects boy.

Run,

run! Faster, faster!

No, man, go!

Just finish, just finish, just finish.

The horse is pulling away. It's part of my all sprinting strategy.

She's falling behind.

Don't worry. It's all a part of my no sprinting strategy.

Slow and steady. Slow and steady. Slow and steady.

Slow and steady. Slow and steady. They're coming to clown swallow.

They're approaching the valley of distraction, your majesty.

The valley of distraction.

It's done in more than one promising kindergartner.

Why do you think I put the blinders on him? You're a genius, your majesty.

A true genius.

Gilbert, getting tired. Gilbert, getting tired.

Cindy, be, Gilbert, Cindy, be, Gilbert, Cindy, be. Oh, Cindy.

I'm rich, I'm rich.

The valley of destruction got Cindy.

Well, there's always next year.

Hey, isn't that Mikey's kid? Yeah, it sure is, and he's catching up on

You've got to be kidding me.

Mikey, if your kid passes Gilbert, there's a very high probability that he

win the race.

Winning isn't important, you guys. I just want Tubby to finish.

No, Tubby! Don't eat the wrapper!

No, eat what, but Tubby finish waste.

This bet's a part of my young charge.

But, Mikey, those odds you could win enough winger diggers to get you through

high school.

Run, you little womper! Run to win! Win! Win! Win! Come on! Giant boys say win.

Cubby wins.

Whoa. Hey, is that fat kid ours? No, sir. We only own Gilbert. But the big

catching up. Don't worry, sir. Gilbert will win. For your sakes. You had better

hope so.

We, uh, seem to have lost, Your Highness.

I can see that!

Well, we might as well get this over with.

Kids of the Playground, I give you the winner of the Kindergarten Derby, Tubby.

By the power vested in me and set down on our constitution of the Playground,

yada yada yada, I hereby grant you one wish.

Tubby wish.

Tubby wish there'd be no more Kindergarten Derby.

No more Kindergarten Derby? But... It's a playground tradition.

The tradition's bad.

My big brother, Mikey, showed me that. He acts like Tommy is a person, but all

you other big kids, you treat us like horses. You make us run and don't care

what we want at all.

Hey, the bigger kids did it to us when we were little.

Just because you treated bad when you were a little kid, don't mean you treat

little kids bad when you're big. Then I'll make it right.

Gee, I don't know.

The kindergarten derby is no more.

Go, big brother Mikey.

Did Tubby do good?

No, little friend. Tubby did great.

Now, Tubby, I'm sure you remember that. We formed a friendship that will last

forever. Tubby?

Tubby? Tubby not know you.

I thought we would always be friends. Don't take it personally, Mikey. He is

your friend. It's just too dangerous for him to admit it right now. Man, we

tried sweet -talking them. We tried being their buddies. I don't know what

to do.

Chief Sticky's leadership is so repressive that it completely overpowers

desire to help us. There's got to be some way we can get out of this.

Sorry, guys, but it looks like there is no way out of this. We're getting a boom

-boom whether we like it or not.

Ah, feeling fresh and fit as a fiddle. Hi, Gus. Where you been?

Lying down in the nurse's office. Principal Prickly's foot care lecture

kind of dizzy.

It made me feel like throwing up. Oh, right.

I was going to say, have you seen TJ and the guys?

Yeah, they went that way with Mikey's new croquet set.

Thanks, corn chip girl.

According to my trusty Beanie McWatch, I still have 45 minutes left of good old

recess fun.

Hey, guys!

Guys? I guess they're not back here.

But hey, Flanky's croquet set.

Something bad happened here.

Something very bad.

Don't waste your breath, Gus.

These kindergartners are ignoring every single playground treaty since the

beginning of Third Street School. Quiet, Red Hat Boy!

Red Hat Boy? But that's TJ!

You know TJ!

What's going on? I thought the kindergartners liked us!

They did, Gus, but it's all different now. They've become frightening little

monsters! How come?

Do they miss their nap?

Of course, Gus.

Much worse. It appears there's been a major upheaval in their kindergarten

social order.

He's stinky?

He's new in school. He seems to intimidate the other tots with his size

as his smell.

Why did they bother about when we were their peewee pals?

And the time TJ hung out with them on recess.

And the time I helped young Tubby win the kindergarten derby. Stinky doesn't

care about any of that stuff. And he's in charge now. So it looks like we're

going to get massacred. Hey, big kiss, be quiet. Gee, Stinky, take his nap.

happy like this, somebody's got to stand up to them. That's not true. That's

wrong. Oh, yeah? Well, I've got a little story that just might change your mind.

Me? Sick of stories about how big kids matter to us.

My story's not about that. It's not even about you. It's about me, when I was a

kindergartner. Oh, kindergartner safety man?

That's right.

It all happened four long years ago. My family had just moved, and I was

starting at a brand new school.

Well, soldier, this'll be your first day in a whole new kindergarten.

I hope you're not nervous.

Are you not nervous? New Kid Gus makes lots and lots of friends.

Go get him, Trooper. That's our Gus.

Hey, you big kid. We like your school.

We're happy to be here. Heads up.

Got it, huge kid. Coming back at ya.

Hey, good throw, kindergartner kid. He's cute.

Hey, for a five -year -old, he's pretty cool.

Surprisingly cool. He is cool.

Your new kindergarten room. Would you like us to walk you in? No, thanks, Mom

and Dad.

Me got it under control.

That's your spirit.

I'll pick you up after class.

Gotcha.

Me got, me new, me got, me new, kindergarten, kindergarten, yay!

Uh, me got right room?

Oh, you have the right room, honey. This is the kindergarten class.

And welcome to Third Street School.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. You're telling me that Finster was our

kindergarten teacher and that she was nice?

Nothing personal, ma 'am, but you were cool? I must say, Gus, your tale seems a

little far -fetched, especially considering the fact that you didn't

to our school until this year. Are you sure about that? How many of you really

remember kindergarten?

What big kid wants to remember that he was...

A kindergartner? I think I permanently erased it from my brain.

All I remember is my traumatic running of the kindergarten derby. That's what I

thought. Take my word for it. Before I moved here in the fourth grade, I moved

here for a while in kindergarten, too. But Gus... Hey! Big kid, stop gabbing!

Tell more story!

Hector's sort of wondering what happened next.

Very well, Hector. Like I was saying, it was my first day of kindergarten at

Third Street School. As you've already noticed, things are a little different

back then. But not just with Miss Finster, and not just with me, but with

guys, too.

And, of course, little Jeffrey remembered to thank his great -aunt

brand -new velvet play suit.

He sat quietly and ate all of his kidney pie.

And that night, he cleaned his room extra thoroughly in hopes that his next

birthday would be just as special as this one.

The end.

Ah, wasn't that a fun story.

All right, now it's time for a snack.

Yay! Woo -woo -woo -woo!

Snack, snack, snack!

Goodness gracious, you little monkey.

Apparently, your last kindergarten failed to teach you proper classroom

etiquette. But that's all right.

You'll learn. Now, please line up with your classmates.

Single file, children.

One snack apiece. Take them outside.

Be sure to use a napkin.

Enjoy your snacks.

Chew them thoroughly and dispose of your trash in the receptacle.

Don't worry, little Gus. I'm sure before long you'll fit in just like all the

other children.

Theodore Jasper, get what I mean? Theodore Jasper? I'll call you TJ.

TJ sounds more neater. And it's two of the letters that I know.

TJ. Hey, I think I like that.

It makes us to be quiet. But that's not how calm we are. How calm?

It's Mikey!

Run for your life!

Run for my life?

That's crazy.

Hi there, Mikey.

My name is Gus.

I just moved into town and... You get Mikey's snack.

Ow!

Well done, Chief Mikey. Now back to the palace.

In you go, your highness.

Now go behave yourself away from me. Who are you? I am Wendell.

Wendell? Not Wendell.

Wendell. Wendell. Wendell helps protect us from Chief Mikey.

Chief Mikey's mean.

He sure is. Tell him about what you heard, Wendell. One time, Chief Mikey

a toddler just for kicks.

Sat on a toddler?

That's just plain evil.

Yes, it is. Lucky for you, I, Wendell, am here to watch out for you. You see,

Chief Mikey make me drive his tricycle, he make me guard his palace, but I could

talk to Mikey and keep him from sitting on you.

Remember, kids, Chief Mikey is a dangerous, dangerous meanie. But I can

safe. Just do what I say and everything will be okay.

Randall, you're the bestest friend a kid could have.

I know, I know. Now scat, all of you, and behave yourselves.

Chief Mikey told me if you don't, he's going to pull all your hair and kick

You two, go keep quiet somewhere.

I'm going to go in and try to convince Chief Mikey not to whip you to pieces.

Thanks, Randall.

Come on, Gus. Let's find a place to be quiet. Hang on there, TJ.

But Mikey will hear us. He'll smush us.

Come on. No!

What are you saying, Gus?

What I'm saying is, maybe I will get Citadon. But so what?

Kindergarten's supposed to be a crazy place where you get messy and make

and act like animals.

This is the very last chance we get to be like that.

And there's no way I'm letting some mean kid take that away from me. So I'm

gonna go in there and tell Chief Mikey I'm not putting up with his meanness.

Even if it means I do get Citadon. Now who's going with me?

TJ?

All right, then I'll do it all by myself.

Open up the door right now!

You better go away.

I'm telling you, Mikey, those kids hate you. All they ever do is talk about how

big and fat you are.

It's a good thing you got me working out for you, telling you all this stuff, or

they'd get away with it for sure.

Uh, you mind passing one of those juice boxes?

Now it all makes sense. There's only one thing to do.

I'm going in.

That there is the most bravest thing I've ever seen anyone ever do.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Oh no, Mikey sat on a new boy's head.

Oh no he didn't, because Mikey wouldn't sit on no one.

Hey Mikey, come on out.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. You can stop saying ow, Randall. Mikey's not even

hurting you.

Enjoy, my little friend. You see, Randall told me you all made fun of me

my back. That you said you hated me. That hurt my feelings and made me very,

very angry.

Hey, where'd you get the fancy voice?

This is my normal voice.

Randall told me to use that mean voice to make you more scared of me. You

should admit the truth, Randall. It'll make you feel much better.

All right, I did it. It was the perfect plan.

All I had to do was convince Mikey everyone was afraid of him. That I was

only friend.

Snacks, lunches...

Oh, if my plan had only succeeded.

You've been a very naughty little boy.

But I forgive you.

You don't gotta be scared of Mikey no more. So let's have some kindergarten

when mixed with compounds of different viscosities, such as this peanut butter

and this jelly, makes a truly superior goo.

bad influence.

Thank you, Randall. I never realized what a helpful little boy you were.

And you, Griswold. I knew from the moment you came into my classroom that

were trouble. I tried being nice to you. I tried being nice to you all. But I

see that approach doesn't work. So, Griswold, you're coming with me.

Where to, ma 'am? To the principal's office.

That's right, children.

Let this be a lesson. When you don't sit quietly and do nothing, bad things

happen.

Randall, keep an eye on these.

Miscreants! With pleasure.

You just watch what happens to your little friend Gus, and then you'll

your tune. If Muriel P. Finster has anything to say about this,

at Third Street School will never act like savages again!

All right, you heard the lady. I'm in charge here. Behave yourselves and keep

quiet. Woe is me. Our new friend Gus is doomed.

Oh, yeah, Mikey?

Well, Gus didn't give up on us, so I'm not giving up on him.

Today, for the first time...

I don't know what it's like to be a real kindergartner, and I like it.

If it wasn't for Gus, we'd all still be scared of Mikey.

We'd be quiet and polite, and that's just wrong.

New boy Gus was willing to get himself in trouble for us. And I don't know

you, but I think I'd be a crummy boy if I didn't do just as much for him.

Now, who's going to help me?

I will.

I will.

Count me in.

Include me as well.

Just like I figured.

The big kids are all in class.

We'll slip in undefected.

Is this Principal Brickley's office?

Gretchen, allow me to verify.

When Prickly gets here, I'll see we make an example of that boy.

He's dead.

Oh, we're doffus over.

There you go.

He's all loaded there. Way to kiss fate.

All right, phase two. Vince? I got it, T.

Mike, Spinelli.

Willing and able, T .J.

Hey,

are you okay?

Whoa, I really am tough.

What are you doing? I'm busting you out. No, Principal Prickly, there you are.

What's going on, Miss Fenster? This better be important.

It's the principal.

I can't leave. When they come in, they're going to expect me to be sitting

that chair. Oh, don't you worry.

There'll be someone sitting in that chair.

I'm telling you, sir, my entire class is acting like savages. And it's all

because of that sneaky little hoodlum, Gus Griswold.

Griswold? The new boy? But that's impossible.

You have the most well -mannered class I've ever seen.

One little child couldn't change them all in one morning. Oh, just you wait

you see him, sir. Wait till you see him.

He's right here, sir. A sneaky, brilliant, junior criminal. What the...

made a mess.

Please change me.

Griswold!

You realize we're all gonna get in trouble for this.

That's okay, Gus. It's worth it. Because the way I see it, I just made the best

bunch of friends a kid could ever have.

You too, Gus.

And the rest is history.

I had to move away again the next day. But me and TJ and the guys really did

become the best friends ever.

That beautiful story, Safety Man, makes Hector happy.

Hector and I can be happy.

But you can't be all that happy, Hector, not living like this.

I mean, it seems to me if anyone's really prisoners here, it's you guys.

Safety Man made good point.

So I say, forget about helping us big kids. Say what? After we get massacred,

can wash up and leave.

But this is their kindergarten.

This is your home. And those are your friends. If you ever want to be happy

here, you've got to stand up for them. And stand up for yourself.

You're right, Stinky Man!

Abby! Cindy!

Cap 'n Stinky! I don't love you! I have to make you happy again!

You wake up, Chief Stinky!

Oh, no!

You wake up, Chief Stinky!

Did he teach you a lesson and knock you over?

Let's get out of here.

Gus, I gotta say, that was some quick thinking in there. You faked him out,

Yeah, and what an imagination.

Me, scared of Mikey?

And me, a frightening ogre? Yeah, like I could have been some wimpy guy who

wasn't the leader of our group.

Now I know you made that story up.

You're so funny, little girl. Great story.

Of course, guys.

I just made the whole thing up to get us out of trouble.

Well... Duh. Come on, guys. There's still a little recess left. Let's call

big kid fun.

Perhaps we can still salvage my croquet set.

Hey,

Miss Spencer.

There go TJ and the gang. Shall I spy on them? Yes, Randall, you do that.

And Randall, keep an extra close eye on Griswold for me, will you? Uh, yes, ma

'am.

Someday, Griswold.

Someday you'll slip up and I'll get even.

Oh, yes.

I'll get even.