Original subtitles

I can't believe the battle of the bands is only three days away. Oh, did you

finish writing your new song yet?

Nah, I think I'll just wait for inspiration to strike while I'm napping

geometry.

Amy, up to last year's champions, we need back -to -back wins to prove our

isn't a fluke. Five years ago, the Monterbrows didn't win a second time,

they're stuck playing nursing homes.

Well, I do like an audience that can't just get up and leave.

Look, I want to win again as much as you do. The song isn't coming to me as fast

as the others.

Well, then let me help you.

No. Look, I need to prove to myself and to you that I can do this.

Just be patient. I'm going to write us a great song. I promise.

Hey, girl.

Ready for the battle of the bands?

I really think you have a shot at beating us again.

Are you being sarcastic?

No. I'm being nice like you suggested.

I feel nothing inside when I'm doing it, but at least it's making other people

happy.

If I have to be nice, you do too.

Okay, nice Jen scares me a lot more than mean Jen.

Well, I for one am looking forward to a friendly competition without any insult.

And I'm looking forward to insulting someone who can insult me back.

What? You told her to be nice.

Didn't say anything about me.

But I thought Wednesday was the day you throw eggs at things and Hartley cleans

them up.

Scheduling it was taking out all the spontaneity.

What are you doing with my guitar?

Oh, you know, just cooking up a little ditty about my favorite sister.

Yeah, I'm not even buying that.

Okay, I may have been borrowing it to teach myself how to play.

Grab the egg, Hartley. I'm feeling spontaneous.

I've been watching online tutorials over the last few months and... Not to strum

my own guitar, but I'm really good. Well, you've got the ego part down.

Oh, don't worry. I can still break his spirit.

And trust me, guitar isn't something you just pick up after watching a few

videos.

You were saying?

Jake, that was amazing.

Eh, less is more.

I... Wanted to play in Battle of the Bands, but they don't accept solo acts.

So I was thinking... Don't even say it.

That maybe... You're still saying it. I could join your band.

And you said it.

Come on, we could be like a Billy and Phineas.

And Hartley.

I'm on board. I think Jake joining the band would be fun. Yeah, to be fair, you

also think a monkey joining the band would be fun. Have you seen them play

cymbals?

With the contest coming up, we could use the extra help. How? What could he

possibly add to the band?

Well, he can be the swing vote when we disagree on things.

Oh, yeah, because nothing says rock and roll like swing votes.

Plus, we already have a guitarist.

Me. The more, the merrier.

I say he's in. And I say he's out.

Hmm, looks like we have a stalemate. Good thing I'm your swing vote. Woo! I'm

the bird!

So today's the day the music died.

I know we're villains, but please tell me you didn't steal a baby.

No, but I've often wondered if we could return a teenager.

Well, my co -worker couldn't find a sitter for her shift, so I'd have a

responsible supervisor offer to babysit.

Why didn't you just cover her shift?

Because then I'd have to work.

Plus, also, babies love me.

You three took much quicker to me than you did to your father.

Well, yeah, but to be fair...

That's creepy.

I know you think that's a slam, but I wear it as a badge of honor.

Oh.

Robert?

What are you doing here?

Whatever it is, we didn't do it.

Why do you say that every time I'm here?

Look, cute baby.

You had... another baby?

Nah. We learned our lesson after this one.

Trust me. I did that non -existent kid a solid.

What's with the dog?

This is Rex.

My canine trainee.

Celia told me you agreed to watch him while I run for mayor.

Why would she do that?

Because our suffering is her joy.

That's strange.

He only does that when he detects a perp.

There's no perps in this house.

Get up.

He won't let me. This is what I get for keeping loose jerky in my pockets.

I'm sorry, Robert. We'd love to look after your dog.

And he's gone.

Not gonna lie, I'm kind of questioning our life choices right now.

What are you doing? What is that?

I thought we were going to make our entrance tonight. No, we've been over

Hartley and I are going to walk on stage while you play from an area that's

stage adjacent.

You know, like the parking lot.

Amy, you can't just knock down all of Jake's ideas.

Although I do hold firm with you that he's not playing the guitar with his

You said you wanted to stand out. But the guitar's so low, not your nasty

snaggle toes.

Okay, Amy, where's the song?

Well, Hartley, you know, some say it's deep in your heart. Some say it's deep

your soul. You didn't write it, did you? Some say I did not.

Amy! Don't worry.

I got it covered.

I wrote a song.

You what?

Yeah. This is what I can add to your band. Songs.

Online tutorials have been coming in very handy lately.

Jake, these lyrics are really good.

Thanks. I just thought, what would Adele do?

Then I did it better.

Look, Hartley, we can't use his song.

We don't have a choice. The contest is five hours away.

Look, I know I'm cutting it close, but I can do it. Just give me a chance.

I mean, besides, I thought this band was just you and me.

We don't have a song without Jake.

Yeah, or maybe we don't have a song because of Jake.

He's been distracting me and ruining my confidence. I just, I can't have him in

our band.

Okay. If you feel that strongly about it, then I understand.

I just don't know how to break it to him.

Yeah, it's going to be tough.

Good news.

I just wrote another song. You're out of the band.

I can't believe you're kicking me out. I made this band what it is. You've only

been in it for three days.

I know. That's why I'm being dramatic, so I can beef up my argument.

Amy, you know the only way I can be in Battle of the Bands is if I'm in an

actual band.

Well, we talked about it, and we decided that Mad Heart is just the two of us,

so obviously we can't use the song you wrote. But it's the song you need. It's

like you're punishing me for trying to help. To be fair, I've punished you for

less.

That's true. Remember that time she punished you for breathing?

You had to come to my house just to exhale.

You know what? Fine. If you don't want me, I'm done.

See? Even the amp wants me to stay in the band.

I thought you said babies love you.

Did I say that?

No, no, it's cats. Cats love me. Babies hate me.

Well, this dog definitely hates me, which is weird because we share a lot of

same interests. You know, like chasing things and playing in the dirt and

stuff off the floor.

Yeah, throw in the outdoor bathroom habits. I wouldn't be able to tell you

apart.

Hey, they finally stopped.

They might have worn themselves out.

Don't make a sound or they will wake up again.

I got the fix.

Dad, we had the fix. They were asleep.

Oh. Well, I want them awake to hear this idea anyway. It's that good.

What do you think?

Remember last week when our neighbors were jackhammering their patio?

Yeah, they found a set of bones and we haven't seen Celia since.

Well, I created this device to turn that unpleasant sound into a pleasant one.

Once I use this, the baby's crying will become a soothing lullaby and Rex is

barking the relaxing sound of ocean waves.

Sweetheart, we've been over this. That's explaining more you things.

Boom.

Vic out.

Did that dog just cry like a baby?

Yep.

And the baby's barking like a dog.

Other than that, your device works perfectly.

I've never used it on two things at once. It appears to have swapped their

voices. But on the bright side, we now have a voice swapper.

Who needs a voice swapper? Voice swapper.

Nobody needs a voice swapper.

I'd like to swap your voice with someone more supportive.

Oh, it's Robert. He's coming to pick up the dog.

Okay, calm down.

All I have to do is reverse the effects of the device and everything will be

back to normal.

Miserable, but normal.

Wait, where is the device?

No, bad dog! I mean, baby. I mean, bad dog.

You might want to pick up the mic you dropped.

Got it.

Oh, no. He ate the activator button.

Oh, well, lucky for you, what goes in must come out.

See, I told you we didn't need Jake. I delivered on the phone, just like I said

I would. You wrote an AC manifesto about your annoying brother.

Yeah. You know, having him in the band was a distraction, but having him leave

the band was an inspiration.

I'm not sure it's our best work. The chorus is just you screaming, go away,

Look, we barely have any time to rehearse. Trust me, we're ready for the

competition. Oh, we're so ready for this.

Wait, are we ready for this? Because I don't know if I'm ready for this.

Will you calm down? Your anxiety is rubbing off on me.

And that's surprising, because I usually don't care about anything.

You're right. What am I worried for?

We have your guitar solo to put us over the top.

You did practice your guitar solo, right?

Um, no. Look, I'm sorry. I was just so focused on finishing the song, I forgot

to even come up with one.

I knew we should have kept Jake in the band.

You could have worked on the solo while you finished writing the song.

What? No, no, no. We don't need Jake. I don't need any practice. I can wing it.

I mean, our biggest competition is Jen. She doesn't even play guitar.

Yeah. Too hard to practice while you're staring at yourself in the mirror.

Oh, let me guess. You're here to beg us to let you back in the band.

Nope. I don't need your band.

I joined another one.

What? Who?

Mine.

Now we're Jem and the other girl plus this guy.

That's right. And guess who's about to rob you of your title?

This guy.

And yet he's going to be playing a nursing home.

These girls.

I can't believe you betrayed me. This is right up there with that time you stole

money from my room to buy yourself new clothes.

You did that to me.

See what you've done, Jake? I'm so upset I can't even keep my crying straight.

I wouldn't have had to join Jem's band if you hadn't kicked me out of yours.

Please, I didn't kick you out. We had creative differences.

I'm creative, and you're different.

Jim, why would you let my brother in your van?

I was being nice.

It was him or some girl who plays tambourine.

And my niceness has its limit.

We'll kick him out. I can't. Why not?

Because he's also my wardrobe assistant, water pour, and ride to and from the

venue.

You live a block away.

I know.

Far right.

I should be thanking you for kicking me out of your band.

At least Jem respects me.

Respects you?

She doesn't even know your name.

I've only been Jake for two years. I can live with this guy.

Great. Now our biggest competition does have a guitarist. And he's really good.

You think that tambourine girl is still available?

Don't worry.

I got a plan.

Why do I feel like it'll have more to do with getting even with Jake than

helping us win the contest?

Oh, because you're smarter than I give you credit for.

Robert will be here any minute. We cannot let him see the dog crying and

baby barking.

Oh, come on. He's dating Celia. This can't be the strangest thing he's seen.

Play for a shift at the airport.

It gets kind of weird when I have to sniff the luggage.

Okay, look, I can quickly fix the device. I need you two to stall Robert

take the baby and the dog down to the lair. Oh, I can shapeshift into the baby

and distract Robert till you get back. Great. Come here, Rex.

Okay.

Have you tried letting them chew on your leg? That usually stops them.

Where is he?

Uh... Oh, look.

Cute baby.

Didn't we do this already?

and a barking baby in our lair.

I don't know why you're sneaking down here with Jake's new guitar.

Fair enough.

Have a good night.

Hey there, little one.

You are cute.

Hey!

You know, at times like this, I wish we could arrest babies.

Yeah. You should probably head upstairs to get that cleaned up.

one cold.

Thanks. It's a new power. I call it puking on demand.

Not sure when I'll use it again, but good to know it's in the bank.

Okay, I repaired the device. The dog and the baby are back to normal.

All cleaned up.

There's my ball.

Everything okay?

Did I just bark?

No. What? That would be crazy.

You better get going. That luggage isn't going to sniff itself.

Come on, Rick.

Come on, boy.

Yes, it worked.

One annoying thing down and one to go.

Well, the baby's mother just texted me. She's on her way.

Oh, right, the baby. I was talking about Kobe.

And just like that, the bar has been razed.

There you are. It's almost our turn. Because the band just blew the roof off

this place.

And a lot of spit on the stage. I'm really hoping they clean that up.

Hello, friends.

I'm calling you friends because I'm nice now.

Everyone, give it up for my new guitar.

when I can let this little lady do it for me.

Get off the stage, hack!

Gemma, I'm in your band.

Oh, right.

Get those habits, die hard.

Get ready. This is going to be good.

Ow!

What the... Get off!

Other people's pain is not funny. Other people's pain is not funny.

One sec, I'll get it.

Ow!

What's wrong, Jake? Does your little lady not want to play?

Amy, what did you do?

I ran home and zapped Jake's guitar strings with my mom's charging port so

there'd be thousands of bolts running through them.

He's literally holding an electric guitar.

Starting to see why you said his performance would be shocking.

Nobody loses when we're having fun.

It's not me. It's the guitar.

Wow, Jake. Getting kazooed off stage. That's a first.

You did this?

Yeah. Because I came here to win.

Yeah? Well, you're forgetting one thing. My super strength gives me a higher

threshold for pain.

Watch this.

No, no, no, no, no. Not that guy.

Time to show this crowd some real skill.

Amy, no.

You want to battle?

Let's battle. You're on.

Out of my way. What? You get out of my way.

You're ruining my set. No, you're ruining your set.

Get off my stage.

It was my stage first.

Look what you're doing. I'm doing what you're doing. But better.

Wait, so we won? No, we got disqualified too.

That's it. I'm back to being mean.

You know, in a weird way, that comforts me.

Sorry, we lost Battle of the Bands. It was all my fault.

Oh, I was there. I know.

Look, nobody's perfect.

I'm certainly not, but...

That's why we're a team, so we can help each other.

Yes, in the team we were. I let my insecurity get in the way of writing the

stupid song.

To be honest, I think this was about more than just the song.

I was really hoping it was just about a song.

Why don't you go talk to him? I'm going to go watch some online tutorials about

how to play the kazoo.

Hey, are you okay?

Yeah. I mean, aside from the residual voltage.

Yeah, you had that coming.

Look, none of this would have happened if you had just let me stay in your

You're right.

Don't try to deny it. Wait, what?

I shouldn't have kicked you out. I was just afraid that you'd be better than me

at that, too.

What are you talking about?

Jake, you're good at everything.

Fitting in, being nice, making small talk with people and not wanting to

blast them through a wall.

Music's all I have.

It's the one thing in this new life that I'm really good at.

That's not true. You're good at... I mean, there's that.

You know, I'll have to send you a list later.

Well, I think we found something you're not good at making me feel better.

Look, the whole reason I even started learning guitar was because I saw how

joy you were getting out of it.

And I wanted to know if it brought me the same joy.

And it did.

But... It's your thing, so I'll just find something else.

No.

You're really good, and there's no reason we can't both play.

So... You want to be back in the band?

That's really nice of you, but... Like I said, it's your thing.

Besides, I think we both know this kind of talent needs to fly solo.

I've never been happier to be rejected.

You're welcome.