Original subtitles

So I said, hey lady, there's a line.

And she looked at me and she said, I don't do lines.

And she blew right past me and walked straight up to the front.

People can be so rude.

Oh, no, this wasn't people. It was my mom.

Guys, you are not going to believe what just happened. Oh, let me guess. Another

one of your nose hairs popped out while you were waiting tables at the Roundup.

I'm pretty sure it's a health hazard.

Last time he served me, I found one floating in my tortilla soup.

Some countries think it's good luck.

I've heard.

I'm not talking about my nose hairs.

That's the problem. I really think we should be.

On my way home, I saw a car crash into a pole. The driver passed out, and there

were all these people around, but nobody could help him.

So what did you do?

Nothing. I couldn't use my super strength because people would see. The

had to wait for the jaws of life when I was standing right there with these jaws

of life.

Yes, you were the real victim in that accident.

Everyone applauded the rescue team, but all I could think about was how much

faster I could have done it.

Well, there are other things you can do to help people.

Yesterday, I dropped off a bag of gently used clothes at a local shelter.

What a rush.

Wait, is that why I'm missing three of my favorite shirts?

Thanks for your donation.

Anybody can throw Amy's hideous shirts in a garbage bag.

But with my powers, I can do so much more, which got me thinking.

There aren't any superheroes around here, and this town deserves someone to

out for them. So I've decided to become Valley View's first ever secret hero.

Any chance you could also become my secret brother?

something bad happen to someone.

Yeah, that's probably not a thing heroes say.

Attention dispatch, I have an urgent 10 -100.

Ooh, what's a 10 -100?

A bathroom break?

They can handle that on their own.

What are you doing? I've been up all night listening to the police scanner.

lets me know who's in distress so I can rush in before anyone else and save the

day. Wow, you're really doing this. Ew, you're really doing this?

Yeah. Last night, I moved a boulder out of the road, stopped a construction

crane from tipping over. I even used my super -strength stomp to scare off some

burglars. Wait, you sacrificed sleep for that?

But, Jake, you can't just run around town using your villain powers. You're

going to get us all caught.

I say the same thing to you all the time, and you never listen to me.

Well, yeah, but we've been over this. I'm always right, and you're always

He does have a point. You do use your powers in public a lot.

Yesterday at school, you used your sonic blast to reheat a breakfast burrito.

Hey, if I'm hungry in the morning, a lot of people are in danger.

And it didn't seem to bother you when I heated up your onion rings.

I said you use your powers a lot. Not that they don't come in handy.

Look, I'm not going to get us caught.

I'm a secret hero, remember?

No one's going to know it's me.

Huh? Huh?

What do you think?

I don't want to look too good. I'm supposed to be blending in.

I like where this is going.

Are you sure you don't want to cover your whole face, like, all the time?

It's fine to me if you're saving people anonymously.

You know, a true hero doesn't do it for the recognition.

That's right, Hartley.

When it comes to enriching the soul, there's no need to keep score.

But just for the record, I'm 4 -0.

Now, if you'll excuse me, this hero needs to get back to his scanner.

We've got an APB out on a gigantic nerd in the kitchen.

Oh, I think I've got a lead on this one.

Hey, guys, look what I just learned how to do.

Oh, juggling.

That's great.

Son of a genius with the skills of a seal.

I've been tearing through your house looking for you.

You sneaked through our house when we weren't there.

I sleep in your house when you're not there.

Anyway, I heard you're running the Roundup's annual Iron Tongue Hot Pepper

Eating Contest at the fair this weekend.

That's right. Now I'm supervisor, I'm in charge of all sorts of stuff.

It took a while, but I finally worked my way up. You could have just said yes.

Anyway... I'm the reigning champ, but no one has signed up to challenge me this

year. So I'll just take the $300 in prize money now.

Did someone say prize money?

How do I win?

I bet you've been asking yourself that your whole life.

Each contestant has to eat an extremely hot pepper called the poltergeist.

The poltergeist?

That's the hottest pepper known to man. I saw a guy eat one online.

You'd think cough up a lung is just an expression, but nope.

Not an issue when your insides are half titanium.

Anyway, whoever goes the longest without drinking milk to stop the extreme

burning in their mouth wins the contest.

Sounds easy. I'm in.

I accept your challenge, but you're going to wish I hadn't. I'm the queen of

pepper eating.

I have the esophagus of a dragon.

If only you had the wings of one so you could fly far, far away.

I'm sorry.

You think you can win a hot pepper contest? The same guy who says vanilla

cream has too much bite.

Oh, I know I can win, and I won't have to eat anything spicy.

I'll just genetically modify two peppers, one not spicy for me and one

spicy for Celia, and then you can swap them for the peppers we're supposed to

eat in the contest.

Uh -uh, no way. I'm in charge of this contest.

If my boss finds out I had a hand in fixing it, I'll be fired.

Oh, come on. Celia beats me at everything.

The bull riding, the scare contest, the race to the moon.

Okay, that last one may have been a dream I had.

But I can't keep letting Celia make a fool out of me. Besides, don't you want

see me win that prize money?

Not as much as I want to see you scream your face off as the extremely hot

pepper burns a hole in your stomach.

What's everybody so excited about?

Did that weird teacher who tap dances finally win the big Twinkle Toes

tournament?

Mr. Clawson?

No. He retired from dancing last year. Oh.

So he tapped out.

You get it? He tapped out.

I really need to be on stage somewhere.

Apparently there's some super cool secret hero who's been saving people all

town and everyone's talking about it.

Me. I'm the hero.

Jake? This is exactly what I was worried about.

Once people start talking about a secret hero... Oh, no, no. Super cool secret

hero. Their words, not mine.

Yeah, whatever.

It's only a matter of time until people start digging around and they find out

it's you.

Yeah, and then they'll discover our secret and we're all going down.

Our secret?

At this point, you broke me, you bought me.

Relax. No one has any proof of what I did.

Besides, it's nice to hear that my heroic deeds are making an impact.

Reminds me of when I was chaos.

I was on the tip of everyone's tongues.

Except most of those tongues were saying that they hated me.

Oh, I know mine was.

Careful up there, Bodhi.

Can I give you a hand?

Nope, I got it.

Nope, still got it.

Bodhi!

Gotcha!

What just happened?

Harley saved me. She's a hero.

What? No, I'm the hero.

You didn't save me.

No, that's true. He hasn't helped anyone, and he can't tell you any

Thanks again for saving me, Hartley. Can I get a selfie with my hero?

Oh, uh, well, I wouldn't call myself a hero.

But you and ten other people did, so get this girl a cake!

Wow, Hartley. You're like the new celebrity of the school.

Which isn't saying much since the last celebrity was the kid who stacked ten

cookies on his forehead.

Oh, please. She's no cookie head, Larry.

What's wrong, Jake?

You seem upset.

Me?

No, I'm not upset. It's just you saved one kid from falling off a ladder. Does

that really make you a hero?

Peaches. Now, they're the real heroes. They catch you from falling off life

ladder.

He's mad because you're the new hero who stole his thunder.

I wasn't trying to steal anything.

And what happened to you not needing credit?

Oh, grow up, Hartley. Everyone who does good things says they don't want credit,

but we all know they're really in it for the credit.

You know, this is exactly how Cookie Head Larry fell from grace.

Look, I'm sorry. I saved a ton of people this week, and you caught one very

light, clumsy kid.

What? Was I just supposed to let him fall?

That would have been the polite thing to do.

And you didn't save a ton of people. It was like eight at best.

Hey, don't forget the baby. It could grow up to cure disease, and then all

people count, too.

Jake, it's not a contest.

Oh, I know it's not a contest.

I'm just going to spend all night saving even more people so that by tomorrow

I'm the one everyone's talking about again, not you.

That's the literal definition of a contest.

Bet I could come up with a better definition than you. You have a problem.

Ah, the county fair.

Dangerous rides, teenagers operating them. What could possibly go wrong?

I don't know, but are Ferris wheels supposed to wobble like that?

Son, these are the memories you'll treasure.

Fixing a pepper -eating contest so your daddy can rub his victory in a senior

citizen's face.

Wait, I thought Mom told you she didn't want you fixing the contest.

I'm not fixing the contest. You are.

What? Your mother's expecting me to rig the contest. But with your invisibility,

you can get the job done. She won't have a clue.

Hold up. So if Mom gets fired, it's my fault?

Yes. But on the bright side, we'll remember you fondly.

Now, these are the genetically modified peppers.

But the back says banana.

Yeah, it's code.

My pepper isn't spicy, so it'll be like eating a banana.

But Celia's pepper is ten times spicier than a poltergeist pepper, so it'll be

like eating a banana on the sun.

Okay, well, do they taste like bananas?

No. Well, then what's the point of bringing up bananas? It's a frame of

reference!

The point is Celia will lose and I'll win the money. Now go make it happen.

I mean, thanks for your help, my oddly gifted son.

Fried butter, huh?

That seems like a good idea before you hop on a roller coaster.

Oh, hey, Cole. Oh, hey, Mom.

What's in the bag?

Uh, well, you see, the thing is... Okay, let me guess. Your father wants to rig

the contest, even though I told him not to.

Want to see me juggle again?

What's up with you? You look exhausted.

I spent all night saving lives just so people would start talking about me

again. But the only person they want to talk about is Hartley. Oh, come on. I

mean, she saved one kid. People can't be talking that much.

Well, we do live in Valley View. These people do a countdown to butterfly

season.

Sorry you had to see that.

So Hartley made the news. You should be happy for her. I mean, isn't the whole

thing with you disgustingly nice people that you support each other?

Yeah, you're right.

I shouldn't let it get to me. Hartley did a good thing. It doesn't take away

from all I've done just because she's getting a little attention.

I've been so busy making the hero round, I didn't even get to show you the video

my grandma sent me.

She's a hero, hero, hero.

Really save me. She's a hero, hero, hero.

It went viral?

Must have if my grandma thought. The only videos she watches are backyard

and deep fryer disasters.

Well, I better go get ready for the fair.

The fair? Yeah. The fair committee is presenting me with the Valley View Hero

Award.

Didn't you read about it in the newspaper?

Nope. Must have missed it.

It's right behind you. Do you want me to get it?

You're not going to accept the award, are you?

Why wouldn't I?

Because you said a true hero doesn't do it for the recognition.

Well, I didn't do it for the recognition.

But if they want to give it to me, then I might as well pack my bags and check

into my suite at the Hero Hotel.

Unbelievable.

For the part where Hartley's accepting the award or the part of you that

any of this was a good idea.

You know what?

I just figured out why Hartley's getting the attention that I'm not.

It's because I've been saving people as a secret hero.

Well, not anymore.

It's time to show everyone that Jake Madden is the real hero of Valley View.

But first, I gotta take a nap. This hero is sleepy.

Jake.

I know you're an egomaniac who's willing to scrape the bottom of the barrel just

to get an ounce of validation, but I won't let you use your powers to do it.

I'm not using my powers.

Oh.

Well, then forget all the other stuff I just said, but I'm standing by the

egomaniac part.

What are you up to? Oh, I used my super strength to loosen the dead branch off

of this baby. While the crowd's watching Hartley give her speech, I'm going to

discreetly super stomp the ground and shake the tree. The branch will come

and I'll rush over and catch it.

You just said you weren't using your powers.

Yeah, I was lying, so you go away.

No way. I'm not letting you use your powers in public. You're going to get

caught.

Relax. No one's going to even notice me stomp my foot. I'll just look like a

grown man throwing a tantrum.

Oh, that's so cute. You think you look like a grown man.

And no one will be near the branch when it falls, so no one will get hurt. It's

a simple story.

Branch falls, Jake is the hero, Jake goes viral, the whole world loves Jake.

Yeah, the whole world should know, Jake. That would be bad for our entire

family. Plus, there's no way I'm letting you ruin Hartley's award ceremony just

so you can get an ego boost.

Yeah? Well, good luck trying to stop me.

I don't need luck.

I've got this.

I can't move.

Oh, so I can't use my powers, but you can use yours?

Hey, if I didn't have double standards, I wouldn't have any standards at all.

Hello, Celia.

Can't you see I'm pepper prepping?

What is that?

You said we were eating peppers. That's not peppers. That's salsa. No one said

we were eating salsa.

Relax, Twitchy. This is just my pregame.

Time to heat things up.

Oh, I'm barely gonna taste that.

Mama needs a waterfall.

Yeah, yeah, you made your point. Are you done?

Nope.

Now I'm done.

Okay, Celia, you drink all the salsa you want. You're no match for my iron

tongue.

Hey, did you swap the bananas?

Yep, good to go.

Is she... Is she drinking salsa?

Yeah, that's nothing. You should see what she can do with a jar of mayo.

to begin.

Remember, whoever goes the longest without drinking their milk wins.

Oh, and since my husband is competing, please be aware that the first two rows

may get cries on.

Good luck, Celia. May the best pepper eater win.

I will destroy you and no one will remember your name.

Well, that's darker than I thought we were going.

Lady and gentleman, start your

Just eat.

It's too hot. I can't take it.

Oh, look who can't handle the heat.

This is how a real champ does it.

I was kidding.

I'm fine.

This pepper went down easier than ever.

I say it was like eating a banana, but that's confusing.

So if you're fine, that means that I just ate... The wrong one?

Hot, hot, hot!

Mm -hmm. You're about to find out what burning the candle at both ends feels

like.

How does she know?

She always knows.

better clap get your stupid sonic band off me oh are

you gonna nix your stupid plan yes are you lying again yeah just let

me have this i want to be a hero oh begging so heroic

Should I tell him there's no dunk tank?

No.

It was really bad. Dad could have gotten seriously hurt. I know.

I don't think I could feel any worse.

My granddaughter's a hero again!

I was wrong. I feel worse.

I should never have tried to fake being a hero.

You faked being a hero?

Uh -oh.

Jake, did you set up that tree branch to fall?

What? No.

Nature's just finally fighting back.

Okay, look.

I'm sorry.

Being a hero is a lot of work, especially when you don't get any

I know I shouldn't be in it for that, but when I saw the attention you were

getting, I wanted some, too.

No, I get it.

Why do you think I got so... caught up in all of this.

Doing good things is a thankless job.

I've cleaned up the school hundreds of times, and do you think anyone thanks

No. They just make more of a mess.

People are horrible.

By they, I meant you.

You know, I thought so, but I wasn't 100%. Thanks for clarifying.

Hartley, I should have never tried to steal your spotlight.

I've only been a hero for a couple days, but you've been a good person your

whole life.

You deserve this award more than anyone.

Thanks.

From now on, I think I'll leave the do -gooding to you.

My secret hero days are over.

Did they ever really begin?

Jake, you don't need to do big things to be a hero.

You can help people in small ways.

The world also needs everyday heroes.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

There's no need to force it.

I don't need an award for doing good deeds.

Me neither.

I got one, so I'm going to go show it off.

I knew putting a low setting on this freeze ray would come in handy.

Well, did you learn your lesson?

Yeah. Next time, I'll choose a more loyal accomplice.

Yeah, and next time, I'll choose someone who knows more about bananas.

Oh, at least my first contact was a bit there.

People are already buying tickets for next year.

Also, it's no longer a contest, just people paying to watch you eat pepper

cry.

Let me guess, you're here to rub your victory in my face.

Nah, you being the joke of the town is enough for me.

I thought these ice pops might soothe your burning tongue. Oh, that's actually

sweet of you, Celia.

Mmm, it's an unusual flavor, what is it?

Habanero pepper.

How much do I owe for the eye pop?

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