Original subtitles

Amy, what's wrong? I got your text saying help in all caps.

Oh, I'm going to need you to run home and grab my math homework. And Hartley,

I'm going to need you to do my math homework.

I am not doing your math homework.

I figured she'd say that, which is why I already wrote my name on hers.

Hey, out of my way, Minnie Madden.

Jem, I'm taller than you.

Well, I'm not updating my burns just because you had a growth spurt.

Hey, no one talks to my brother like that.

Except me.

And my other brother.

And my mom. And my dad.

Okay, a lot of people do. But not you.

Fine. I don't need to talk about him when I can talk about you.

Attention, everyone.

I've got some very exciting news.

As you all know, I recently started my own online gossip channel.

Yeah, we know and we don't care.

Well, you're gonna care.

Because during tonight's live stream, I'm going to drop the biggest bomb yet.

And it's all about... you.

Did she just touch me? She touched me. Hartley, she touched me!

You see, Amy's been keeping a juicy secret from everyone.

And her perfect little friend Hartley has been covering for her.

But tonight, I'm going to share video evidence that'll expose everything and

take them both down.

Hope you're ready.

Because once word gets out, your lives will never be the same.

Have a great day. Bye.

You don't actually think Jim knows I'm Havoc?

I don't get it.

What evidence could Jim possibly have that we're villains?

Well, you do use your powers to get whatever you want, whenever you want, so

that might have something to do with it.

Hartley, this is no time for the blame game.

Whatever. My life's over anyway.

When people find out I'll be keeping your secret, I'll be burned at the

I'm a supervillain, not a witch. No one's gonna... Oh, wait, no, people do

of hate villains. You're right. They're gonna roast you like a little

marshmallow.

We have to warn your family and get you out of town.

I know you just changed your name to Amy, but I always thought you looked

Jennifer.

Look, will you relax?

We just have to get a hold of whatever video footage Jen has before she drops

tonight. Getting that evidence is going to be impossible.

Jen keeps her gossip files on her laptop at home.

Well, then I guess we'll just have to sneak into her house to get it.

What? No way. I'm not doing that.

Fine. But when they burn you at the stake, I wouldn't wear that.

Looks real flammable.

Eva, you said you were making popcorn. This is just corn. Where's the pop?

Next time, could you do that before it's in my lap?

Hey, what's with the huge box out front? Did you guys order something?

I didn't.

Do -it -yourself helicopter kit, but that won't be here till Tuesday.

You know what this means? If we didn't order it, then... Free stuff!

What do you think's in there? I don't know. Whatever it is, it's all mine.

That was great, Celia. We

really got him. Jake, you knew about this?

Yep. We've been planning to scare you for weeks.

You should be happy I talked you out of using the bear traps.

I needed an inside accomplice. And nothing makes me happier than turning

members against each other. That's why I've been banned from my last five

reunions.

Well, you messed with the wrong people, Celia. Yep, that's for sure. Because we

know how to scare better than anyone.

Are you issuing me a scare challenge?

Bring it. Game on.

We're going to take you and Jake down.

Watch it, Shady.

You're writing a check your butt can't cash.

Which reminds me, you paid your rent with a check my butt can't cash. Pay up.

Amy, I'm sorry, but I can't let you break into Jem's house. I know you want

footage, but there's got to be a less illegal way to get it. I agree. That's

I reached out to Jem when we talked things through.

She agreed to give me the video.

Jem? The same person who aggressively booped you this morning?

If you don't believe me, ask her yourself.

Hey, girl. Thanks for coming.

Jem, hi.

Wow, I guess I really misjudged you two.

People can change.

Yep, whole new Jem.

I forgot my key, but my butler will let us in.

Oh, look.

You're home early.

Yay.

Good to see you, too.

Yeah.

Wallet. I'd be offended if I weren't already dead inside.

You know what, Wallace?

You two deserve better.

Take the rest of the day off.

Ooh, 364 -day year.

You're too kind.

All right, let's ransack this place and fund that video.

Wait, I thought you were going to give it to us.

Oh, I'm not, Jem. Like you said, people can't change.

Okay, next time one of you uses the power to trick me, I'm gonna... You mow

it quietly, but at least you'll know I'm really mad.

Sorry, but any chance I get to be a villain, I'm taking it. I even wore my

Flashform underwear just so I could feel the part.

Look, we had to do this. Would you rather my secret be exposed and we never

each other again?

Of course not.

I just... Wish you would have told me before you tricked me. Yeah, I don't

really think you get how this whole trick thing works.

Come on, we only have an hour until Jem's back from her mani -pedi.

How do you know that?

Oh, because I broke into her phone.

After I broke into her locker.

You're fuming quietly, aren't you?

Let's just make this quick.

You heard her, Colby?

How do you know it's hers?

It's hers. Let's go.

Hello?

Wallace, you know I don't do doorknobs.

It's Jim. How is she back so soon?

That was only time for a mani or a pedi, not both.

Oh, what? So just because I'm a villain, I have to let my cuticles run wild?

I need you to peel the fuzzy part off my kiwis.

We got to get out of here before she makes them baby bird it to her.

Call Butler.

Why are kiwis so hard to peel?

You're going to eat that?

What? I like a hairy fruit.

Jim just went in the other room. Now's our chance to get out of here.

Let's go.

Let's not go.

Miss Jim, I'm back.

I think you've already scuffed up my nice, clean floors with your overpriced,

chunky shoes.

Wallace, where have you been?

Enjoying life.

You know, I can't spend all my time spritzing your closet with Ariana Grande

perfume.

You said you could take today off. You did, when I let you and your two friends

in earlier.

Uh -oh.

What two friends?

You know I only have one.

And she lives in the mirror.

I'm surprised her reflection can stand her.

I'm surprised she has a reflection.

Whatever. Have you seen my laptop?

It was in my room, and now it's gone.

How am I supposed to ruin someone's life if I don't have my laptop?

Well, if it makes you feel any better, you're ruining mine right now.

Don't worry. I've set up locators on everything you own.

Just tap the laptop locator on the app.

Locator? Oh, no.

You know, for someone who hates his job, he's really good at it.

Ah, the simple things.

Sunny day, tall decaf mocha, two pumps of agave, light on the oat milk, three

ice cubes, and a dash of nutmeg.

Jake.

Jake!

Dickie Spooks? That's right.

Your scariest childhood toy is back.

You want to play?

But... I thought Mom threw you away.

Oh, she did.

But I spent the last ten years crawling my way out of the trash heap with my

tiny doll hands.

Now, come give Dickie a hug!

Hey,

who's winning the scat challenge now?

I told you I could make a new Dickie Spooks. I still feel bad about giving

five -year -old son a doll possessed by an evil spirit, but non -possessed dolls

are just so expensive.

Did you know Jake could jump so high? Well, now that you mention it, I did

Look at him go.

All that adrenaline from the scare must have gone to his legs and made his super

strength react.

Oh, well, that's fun.

Yoo -hoo!

What? See ya.

Staring at the sun, huh?

Keep going.

When you feel a burning sensation in the back of your eyeballs, just push

through it.

Here.

I felt bad about scaring you, so I came to offer a token of my apology.

Nice try, but we weren't born yesterday. This is clearly a snake disguised as a

plant!

Nope, it's just a plant.

That cost me 30 bucks.

Now I'm getting a snake.

Hey, wait!

So, you really were being genuine?

Yeah.

So what do you say?

No more scares?

More scare.

Good.

What's wrong?

Can't find the locator app?

Of course I can.

But first I have to post my hourly selfie.

Well, back up. I don't want your old on my socials.

You're the reason I look like this.

Okay. Now I'll turn on the locator app.

Amy, we have to do something. Any second the laptop is going to... Do what?

She probably can't even tell where it's coming from.

It sounds like it's coming from under the table.

What? I said probably.

Well, I didn't put it there.

You must have moved it.

Oh, I assure you, when I snap, I'm going to do a lot more than move your laptop.

Oh, that's it. We're dead.

Colby, do something.

Wait, that was coming from over there.

You've just been saved by my kinetic manipulation.

20 % gratuity is standard these days.

Wait, that was coming from over here.

Are you playing a trick on me?

Yes, it's that old trick where I wait on your hand and foot your entire life and

then move your laptop around.

you doing here? Well, isn't it obvious we're hiding and eating hairy fruit?

You broke into my house?

That's what I get for being a celebrity.

Okay, just because you did background work in a local mattress commercial, it

doesn't make you a celebrity.

And just to be clear, we didn't break in. Your butler let us in.

You can arrest someone for that, right?

Don't answer me!

You let them in?

Yes, because you told me to.

How is that possible?

When I got home, you weren't even here.

So typical.

You know, I think I will take the rest of the day off. I'm due for some self

-care. My job does not define me.

My job does not define me.

Wallace, out!

I know why you're here.

You're trying to steal my evidence so I can't expose your secret.

Well, joke's on you. You know, I was going to go live tonight, but why wait

I can do it right now?

Jem, please don't do this.

It's one thing to be mean to people, but do you really want to ruin someone's

life? Uh, yeah.

Really? Because I'm pretty sure I remember you being on the receiving end

and not liking it too much.

What are you talking about?

Ten years ago? Your first little Miss Valleyview pageant? You were there for

that?

Whatever she's about to say, it never happened.

And yet I'm all ears.

Oh, it definitely happened. And I saw the whole thing.

Your mom made you wear a feathery yellow dress.

And one of the other contestants changed your sash to say Big Bird.

Big Bird? That's great.

But mean. Very mean.

Go on, Hartley.

Everyone laughed.

And you took it so hard, you dropped out of the pageant and ran home crying.

Wrong!

I left because my mascara was running.

Yeah, because one six -year -old hasn't had that happen.

And that's when everything about you changed.

The way you dressed, the way you acted, the way you treated people.

I don't get it.

If that girl was so mean to you, then why are you mean to everyone else?

Because she knows if she hurts people first, they can't hurt her.

Right?

Oh, so now Chunky Boots Magoo is going to school me on life?

You know nothing about me.

My life is fine.

It's yours that's about to be destroyed.

Yeah? Well, not if I have anything to do with it. Give it to me. No, it's mine.

You don't want to make a fight with me.

I'm sorry, I forgot my... I don't know what's going on, but I'm rooting for the

one who's not Jim.

I can't believe I put Celia in the hospital.

Oh, just hope she's okay.

She's going to be so mad at us.

Not necessarily.

I made her a get -well card that says, hope you're feeling better by next fall.

Get it? Next fall.

Oh. She's going to come after me first, isn't she?

Well, she better, because I'm counting on that to give me time to get away.

Look, I'm sure Celia's fine. She probably just got a little banged up.

Yo -ho.

Celia? What's left of me?

You poor thing.

Are you okay?

We feel horrible.

Is there anything we can do?

Actually, yeah.

I told the doctor that I have a nice family that can take care of me.

Great. Well, you just tell us where they live and we'll roll you right on over.

I think she's talking about us.

Am I right?

You can tell me I'm wrong. Please tell me I'm wrong.

Of course I'm talking about you. You did this to me, so you're going to nurse me

back to health. Well, how long are we talking?

Six months till I'm out of this cast.

Then there's the skin grafts, the spinal taps.

It's going to be a long, painful winter.

That reminds me, which one of you was on bedpan duty?

Jake.

If you wanted to be a good person, knock yourself out.

I will turn all of you in.

Celia, will you excuse us?

What are we going to do?

Oh, we have no choice. Our son did this to her, and so we have to help take care

of her.

Friendly reminder, if you hadn't scared your son, this never would have

happened.

Sorry.

I can't yell or my ribs will collapse into my diaphragm.

Could you roll me to the couch, or as I like to call it, my new home?

Sure.

Gotcha!

Oh, you should have seen your faces.

Wait a minute. So you played us. Yep, I'm fine.

I had the EMTs say we were going to the hospital, but we actually went for

pizza. Just don't tell anyone.

They missed a few calls.

I can't believe you.

Seriously, Celia, we really thought you were hurt.

Well, it serves you right.

You were so desperate to win the challenge, you had Jake jump off of the

scare me.

Oh, no, actually, they scared me so bad, all the adrenaline rushed to my feet

and made my...

Yep, you're right. I jumped off the roof.

Get your hands off my laptop!

Your giant thumbs are crinkling my thicker faces!

Look, Gemma, I know you don't like me, but please don't do this.

It's going to cause a lot more damage than you can possibly imagine.

Yeah, Amy's my best friend, and if you reveal her secret, I may never see her

again. And if you show this video...

You could destroy our whole family.

Well, that's Amy's fault, not mine.

She should have thought about that when she became a hypnotist.

Hypnotist?

Yeah, that's right.

I know your secret.

I overheard you two talking at the roundup about sonic hypnosis.

Oh.

Wait, uh, what did you think I was talking about? That.

You got me.

I'm a hypnotist. I'm just inching my way towards close -up magic.

Wait, then what video evidence are you fighting over?

Evidence that she's been hypnotizing people into giving her what she wants.

Oh, no, don't show people that.

Two days ago, when the lunch lady told you she was out of chicken parm, you

stared her down with your little... hypno -eyes.

That's not what we call them in the hypnosis community, but continue.

Once you had her in your trance, the lunch lady got to take hers.

And Gladys never shares with anyone.

Not true. She once shared a very long story about her varicose veins.

Just what you want to hear before eating spaghetti.

Wait, we went through all of this and you don't even know that Amy's a...

Hartley, you're getting very sleepy. Look into my eyes and shut it.

Luckily, I recorded the whole thing.

Now everyone will know you've been hypnotizing your way around school with

Hartley by your side.

Busted!

Now, gimme!

Bucks have broken on the way down. Wow.

Boy, is that lucky.

Uh, yeah.

Clearly, the universe was looking out for you.

So, um, maybe you should take some of that good fortune and send it back out

into the world.

What? None of those words make any sense to me.

She's saying to be nicer to people.

Well, I mean, I was just given a second chance.

Maybe you should get one, too.

Okay, I won't ruin your life.

Oh, are you sure? I mean, my hypnotist secret is so shameful.

Well, I mean, you're not going to tell anyone about the pageant thing, right?

Of course not.

Thanks.

And just for the record...

My matches commercial was shown in three different counties.

Got it.

I have to say, I'm really impressed.

You actually saved your enemy's life.

Eh. It was really just saving Wallace from having to mop up the aftermath.

Oh, hi, Jeff. Good morning.

Wow, I'm really nailing this not being mean thing.

Yes, you were right.

I can be a nicer person.

All you said was good morning.

I know.

Look at me turning over a new leaf.

Well, I'm proud of you. You know how you could really blossom?

By joining the Sunshine Club.

And just like that, I'm done.

You know, she's starting to grow on me.