All language subtitles for Family.Guy.S24E10.A.Few.More.Ways.to.Die.in.The.West.1080p.HEVC.x265-MeGusta

Whoa, what happened to you?

It's not my fault. They put the saloon
next to the salon, and I got very

confused.

What's your name, stranger?

They call me Quiet Burp.

Yeah, I've heard about you.

Flush. Oh, yeah?

Know what a flush can't handle?

Four deuces.

Something doesn't smell right about that
hand.

Your cards, neither.

You calling me a cheat? I just don't
like the feeling I'm getting plucked.

Let's go. Train's leaving the station.

Who's your handler, Burp?

I'm Vivienne, which is a man's name back
now.

That's what you're telling yourself?

I'm the man with no name.

I got Buffalo, Burp, and Wild, but what
was your name again?

Django Unclaimed.

I know you had those deuces stuffed down
your pants, Burp. We can finish this

conversation on a moonless night.

Yeah? And what do you say we finish it
now?

I don't get why we're transporting your
money in the first place. Why not just

build your own bank?

Don't lecture me on business sense. I
made all my money in not sharp enough

saws during the Civil War.

Doled the first batch of blades myself.

Oh, now here's something. Lady hanged
for wearing pants.

Good. One less wacko on the streets.

American West uninhabited asterisk. I
wonder what the asterisk means.

Would you look at this, kid? In a few
days, we'll be striking it rich in the

current West.

Oh, weird.

Does this look vegetarian to you? You
know, I never do this, but I'm going to

say something. I think we should be
keeping a low profile.

People are still pretty upset.

Look, it was a mutual decision to kick
John Wilkes Booth out of our improv

group. Who knew he was going to do that?

I do feel kind of bad, though.

Honestly, I was just glad he finally
made an active choice on stage.

Can I just be the first person to say I
love seeing this country by train?

Ah, shoot. Hey, Vivian, no biggie here,
but did you need that money for

anything?

Hand over the money. They already got
us. Oh, perfect.

Well, I'm really glad we stopped for
lunch, Jim.

Boy, a $5 ,000 bounty for catching the
robber. I'm sure glad I get to form a

posse with you guys.

Hey, how'd you get the name Wild Joe
anyway?

I once kissed a woman I wasn't engaged
to. Ruined her for every other man.

And I almost entered a ghost pepper
challenge.

Gave it a real hard thought.

Hey, look at little Bobby Oppenheimer
over there playing with firecrackers.

is there anything more common in these
times than a rural Jew?

All right, the bandit's trail leads to
Golden Stream. But look sharp, fellas.

get there, we gotta cross through Indian
territory.

Look!

Am I speaking with Mrs. Kowalski?

I like their long shirts.

Tell him. I like your long shirts!

Be on the lookout for rattlers, fellas.
If you get bit, the only cure is for

someone to suck the poison out.

Is that right?

Hey, I'm just going to go take a wavy
leak by those cool sandy bushes.

Letter for Quiet Burp?

That's me.

Oh, cool. Wow.

Without addresses, I spent the past nine
years just asking everyone I see.

Oh, it's my letter from Skidmore.

Did you get in? No, it's for someone
else. But the guy said quiet. They put

on the overweight list, okay?

Bunch of wise guys. If you need me, I'll
be binge -watching the campfire.

Separating those carpetbaggers from
their money. Huh. And their Tuck's

pads, too.

Guys, we got a problem. Somebody dip
some palm fronds in the creek and stuff

them through the Crescent Moonhole.

All right, the cracks have stopped, so
the guy's got to be around here

somewhere.

Hey, you guys see that? I may go in,
just as a joke. I may join you, just as

joke.

All right, I'll see you guys inside.

Bye. And to think this horse saved me
when someone was going to put me down.

Wouldn't worry over cinching them knots
too tight.

Name's Sheriff West.

Okay, I am obsessed with your coat. Will
you stop saying that to everyone we

meet? You fellas ain't the first hired
guns to blow into my town.

So you got any notions of stirring up
trouble, you snuff that lantern out now.

Take a step out of line, next one will
be onto the scaffold.

Don't take much to earn tickets to a
necktie social.

Do you have these written down
somewhere?

Of course, if you prefer, we could just
head on down to the Marshalls. They got

just about everything you need, so long
as it's from the brand Nautica.

All the envelopes are sealed.

Hey, buddy, is that your schoolhouse
teacher?

Schoolhouse? This is Arizona State
University.

Yeah? Any idea whose sheets she's
hanging?

Her husband died in childbirth. His
picture's in that locket. Oh, it's huge.

She likes fat guys.

Well, actually, word is the pictures of
the PC was swinging.

I see. Well, maybe we could still be
really good friends.

Hey, there.

Name's...

Quiet burp. Nice to meet you. I'm the
hair -blowing -in -the -wind school mom,

Lucy Stools.

You know, I'd love to learn more about
Golden Stream.

Would you be up for dinner?

Oh, well, it's nice of an armed stranger
to wander into an active classroom to

ask me this. How about 6 .30?

Perfect. And, hey, maybe we could go
dancing after. I haven't been in

I wish there was a way to dance that
didn't involve this.

All right, decent crowd.

Now, let's go through our warm -ups. Say
it with me. Cute cowboys come quick.

Cute cowboys come quick. What are we
even performing?

Well, if there's one thing freezing
grizzled cowboys want to see, it's a

Shakespearean drama.

So I give you Richard III.

Now, during my full frontal scene, I
want you to remain calm. Because if I

you getting nervous, then I'll get
nervous.

Which scene does he get nude in?

I don't know. It's one of the castle
ones, I think. I don't know. Now, come

Let's show these cowboys and Indians
what they're fighting for.

Shine out, fair sun, till I have bought
a glass, that I may see my shadow as I

pass.

Shoot, we're losing them. Maybe we try a
little improv?

Okay, okay. I need a location.

Yellowstone. Occupation.

Yellowstone Rancher.

Can I hear from anyone else, please?
Need a little red meat here.

A barrel maker.

Oh, there's some...

Fertile ground, I see why you mentioned
it. One barrel, please, sir. Dammit, Dog

Holiday, don't play along with him. We
just want to see programs about

Yellowstone. Can be way before right
now, sorta near right now, or in the

future. As long as it's a year plus
Yellowstone.

Fine, this is Yellowstone 1471.

And in Yellowstone, there's a naked
king.

Man, I think I owe John Wilkes Booth an
apology for his improv skills.

How do we bomb harder than the minstrel
performers?

I can think of only one thing that will
save us.

Here's my impression of James A.
Garfield.

I am James A. Garfield. I like lasagna
and I hate Mondays.

Well, the impression is helped by none
of us ever having heard his voice.

I bet he sounds like that, though.

Tonight's special is a souffle and a
fillet mignon.

Sorry, these words just got here.

I thought you were the sheriff.

A lot of jobs, not enough people.

I'm trying to avoid gluten.

And I told you I didn't want any
trouble.

So were you in the Civil War?

Yeah, I fought for the middle. Couple of
days in, I found a two -sided uniform.

Oh, still wearing it. Wow.

Yeah, eventually both sides caught on,
so I survived by hiding under a pile of

bodies. For four years, ate nothing but
dead butts.

Oh, well, I'm glad you made it out.

Yeah, it was either that or live in
Atlanta as a woman. But I'm a different

person now.

I wish I'd experienced more when I was
younger. And look at me now, a widow. I

mean, my students don't even respect me.
I would have loved having you as a

teacher. You're smart, pretty, and I
don't know. Seeing you today, I...

Felt more than I have in a while.

That's funny. I felt the same spark with
you, too.

Madeline. From Atlanta?

Uh, no, no. That is no longer my truth.

All we need is a little costume repair.
Find our opening. Let's see. Livery

stable. Brothel. Three dry goods stores.

Wait a minute. That's it.

It's the ultimate zag holiday. We'll
ride this wave right onto the streets of

Paris. Get your high waters on and start
selling.

Can I interest you in checking out our
supplies, sir? Picture yourself waking

in the morning and climbing into some
cold, wet jeans.

Some wet candies for the kids?

We supply the wettest flour in the West.

Oatmeal ready to eat before it's even
opened. Get your Chris Dilley a hair

tonic. Perfect for your stringiest
events.

It's peaceful out here, isn't it? The
wind, the birds, the thousand Asians

dynamiting a mountain.

You know, usually men don't want
anything to do with me. See, my late

and I had eight children, but 12 died at
birth.

The mortality rate's 140%. But the truth
is, these past two scenes are the most

fun I've had in a while.

Me too, Lucy.

Sorry, I was holding that. I didn't want
to crack my saddle.

Y 'all know if this is the way to the
saloon, I'm a Pinkerton agent in need of

direction.

And once I find the saloon, I'm going in
buns glazing.

Yippee -ki -yay, mister!

I can't believe this. Lucy, you're the
train robber? I was sent to bring you

See, you don't understand.

I was only doing it because of the
destruction your boss's bone saw brought

the soldiers. The stolen money was
redistributed to their families.

Wait, you mean Vivienne's a bad guy?
Name one movie where the good guy uses a

cane. I don't... Michael J. Fox
documentary.

Who's Michael J. Fox?

You don't know him. But your great
-great -great -grandkids are going to

him.

I don't know about you fellas, but I'm
pretty beat. Stayed up with a prostitute

last night and got the full service.

What'd she do?

Cried in her lap, mostly.

The chicks will do anything in this
town.

What'd you get up to, Django? I rode
over and said hi to the other black guy

town. Oh yeah? How's he doing?

Not well.

Well, you've been quiet. We spent all
this time hunting for that train robber,

and you haven't helped one bit.

Interesting you say that. Hey, quick
update. The school mom's the bad guy,

I'm in love with her and want you guys
to be cool with it.

Oh, and we're registered at the Wet
Goods store.

We can't let you get married, Quiet.

You promised we were going to have the
most epic summer ever.

We still can.

You three will be my groomsmen. Which
one of us is the best man?

Oh, it's a friend from a high school
posse.

Oh, come on!

That's... Look, I'm sorry. I just... You
never forget your first posse, you

know? You told us we were the best posse
you ever had.

They say posse's posse, but I can see
this one's not as tight as it used to

Okay, well, you know something? I think
this posse stinks.

Sorry, Burp. With this 5 ,000, we can
live like kings in the most cosmopolitan

city in America, St.

Louis.

So, what do you need to show me? Well, I
was drinking from the stream earlier,

and something caught my eye.

Gold panning, of course.

Now, there's going to be temptation to
kill each other when we find gold, so

let's agree on a pact. I'll watch your
stuff here while you turn your back and

start panning.

Oh, and if you hear a metallic click,
it's probably a twig. I'd counsel you

fellers against laying a claim to these
parts, or me, I'd head upstream, hell

-bent for leather.

Thank you, man without teeth. We'll bear
that in mind. Just saying, there's gold

up in them gnar hills.

Ugh, them, thar. These prospectors and
their pronouns, am I right?

Oh, hey, Mr.

Burp.

I can't hear you.

What's that?

Oh, I get it.

You were making fun of my stutter. You
sadistic son of a bitch.

Hey, no, no, stop.

But you were making fun of my stutter.

Of course I was. We live in an era where
you can make fun of anything. You can

make fun of... And... And even... And
you can still call a... So say it all

before they stop you. Before who stops
you?

Mostly... We know you're... in there
because we already burnt

down two of your previously listed
addresses.

But I was born in an orphanage.

Yeah, we found out.

Get ready to draw.

I put the sun in the corner.

Sorry, Quiet. You lit this fuse
yourself.

So either walk away or the Undertaker
will have a busy afternoon.

Sheriff West, why you helping us? Told
you. When it comes to folks in this here

town, I ain't got no tolerance for
violence.

Plus, you laid me down a fair tip.

Well, thanks.

Now, come on, Lucy. Let's ride off to
the inexplicable music from Butch

and the Sundance Kid.

Thank you.

Ah, great. My eyes are closed.

I don't know why that bothers me, but it
does.

Oh, no. They're right on us. Quick,
let's head for that canyon.

Hey, you see that newspaper?

The Osage struck oil.

Boy, I hope one day an Italian tells
their story.

You know, I'm about fed up with these
half -baked schemes of yours. Oh, like

you've hit so many bullseyes.

I said we should do a dog show. A
talking dog, and you wanted to jump

hoops. Look out, Buffalo Bill, we got
ourselves a first -rate entertainer.

Wilkes Booth would have been on board.

Oh, yeah, he had a lot of high -minded
ideas.

But now that you mention it, I'm
starting to wonder if we didn't kick the

member out of our improv group. In fact,
I bet we could prop up his corpse and

get a more convincing performance right
now. You know what? That's it.

Okay, let's just cool off, take a beat.
Maybe grab a nap in our long johns that

show the outlines of our packages.

Holy crap, look!

Oh, my God!

After this long john nap, we're going to
be rich!

It's all over, quiet.

You should just turn me in.

Quick, Holiday, gather all the glitter
you can to the inexplicable music from

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

We did it, Quiet!

You know, for a second there, I thought
you were going to turn me in.

Oh, good. Well, I'm sure that'll die
right here and never come up again.

End of the line, Burp.

Oh, what? Hey, perfect timing. Look who
I found. I know you were on the run.

Ah, I was wondering why this thing kept
beeping.

How about a duel? I win, you let us go
free.

Why would I agree to that? I'm the one
with the aimed gun.

Okay, no, yeah, that makes sense.

Man, that one was really up there.

Undefeated. You're safe now, Lucy. And
I, for one, am excited to quit this life

and settle down for good. Me too, Quiet.

With you, I no longer feel like I'm
staring at the coals of a dwindling

I have a whole life to live, full of
experiences.

Starting with this one.

Oh, Lucy.

Yours is the only party I want to be in.

Look at this, Holiday.

I've also got a lead on a shipment of
ostrich feathers.

There'll be no stopping us.

I know. I'm glad we converted the
schoolhouse to this.

I love this DJ.

Oh, my darling.

Oh, my darling.

Oh, my darling.

Clam, clam, clam.

Everybody jump now. Clam, clam, clam,
clam.

That night, there were 12 ODs and 24
horse -related drunk driving deaths.

Folks forget the real hazard in the
frontier laying out in disease or

No, it was mostly the ambisexual
nightclubs.

Anyway, that'll be Etta calling.

I'm Wild West, and I was in this episode
a lot less than you'd expect.