Original subtitles

[THAD] HEAD BUTT!

-AAH!

-YOU READY FOR THE

GAME, MORAN?

-PLEASE DON'T HEAD

BUTT ME AGAIN--

-YEAH!

YEAH!

LET'S DO THIS!

IT'S TIME TO PLAY, BABY!

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

[SCREAMING]

-FIRST TEAM.

-OH!

OH!

HERE COMES THE PLAY!

-HUT, HUT.

-OH, YEAH!

OH, YEAH!

HERE IT COMES!

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

-YES!

YES!

HEY.

THAT'S THE HARDEST GODDAMN

HIT I'VE SEEN ALL SEASON.

BRING IT IN.

BRING IT IN.

THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO

SEE ON SATURDAY.

NORTHERN TECH HAS THE HIGHEST

SCORING OFFENSE IN THE NATION,

AND I DON'T WANT THOSE PRICKS

NEAR OUR END ZONE.

-YEAH!

IT'S GONNA BE A HIGH-SCORING

GAME, BOYS.

TWO GREAT OFFENSES GOING AT IT.

YEAH!

-HEY.

CALL ME WHEN OUR OFFENSE IS

SCORING 35 POINTS PER HALF.

THEN WE'LL DRAW COMPARISONS.

ALL RIGHT.

LET'S GO.

COME ON.

LET'S GO.

-YEAH!

YEAH!

YOU HEAR THAT, DEFENSE?

IT'S UP TO US ON SATURDAY!

YEAH!

-IT DOESN'T HURT AS MUCH WHEN

YOU'RE WEARING A HELMET.

-WHATEVER.

IT DOESN'T EVEN HURT.

[ REV THEORY'S "HELL YEAH"

PLAYS ]

CAN YOU FEEL THAT?

YOU BETTER HOLD ON.

THIS ONE'S ABOUT TO GET BUMPY.

♪ GIVE ME A "HELL" ♪

♪ GIVE ME A "YEAH" ♪

♪ HELL, YEAH ♪

♪ STAND UP RIGHT NOW ♪

♪ GIVE ME A "HELL" ♪

♪ GIVE ME A "YEAH" ♪

♪ STAND UP RIGHT NOW ♪

♪ GIVE ME A "HELL" ♪

♪ GIVE ME A "YEAH" ♪

♪ STAND UP RIGHT NOW ♪

-HEY, BUDDY.

OH-HO!

-OH, DON'T COME IN, ALEX!

DAMN IT!

WHAT DOES THE SIGN SAY?

-JERKING OFF.

-WHICH MEANS I'M JERKING OFF.

IF I WAS NOT JERKING OFF, IT

WOULD SAY NOT JERKING OFF.

BUT I WAS JERKING OFF, SO

IT SAYS JERKING OFF.

I WAS--

-I'M SORRY.

I WON'T WALK IN ON YOU JERKING

OFF HOPEFULLY EVER AGAIN.

-UP TOP.

TOO SLOW.

-EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

-NEVER FELT BETTER.

MASCOT, KEG NEEDS

TO BE CHANGED!

-LOOK, COULD YOU JUST STOP

JERKING OFF FOR ABOUT AN HOUR

AND COME DOWN TO THE

PARTY, PLEASE?

-FOR ONE HOUR!

-FINE.

-AND THEN I'M COMING RIGHT BACK

UP HERE, AND I'M JERKING OFF

AGAIN.

-ALL RIGHT.

-UP TOP.

TOO SLOW.

-POUR ME ANOTHER ONE.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

-UP TOP.

TOO SLOW.

UP TOP.

-YEAH, YOU'VE BEEN DOING THE "UP

TOP, TOO SLOW" THING FOR

THE PAST HOUR.

-I HAVE?

-YEAH!

-OH, SHIT.

MORAN, I'M ABOUT TO

TELL YOU SOMETHING

YOU CAN'T TELL ANYONE.

-OK.

-I HAVE A C-WORD.

-WHAT, A CONCUSSION?

-NEVER SAY THAT WORD.

-CONCUSSION?

OK.

-CALL IT A C-WORD.

-MM-HMM.

-AND YOU CAN'T TELL ANYONE.

COUPLE YEARS AGO, I GOT ONE,

AND THE GUYS MESSED

WITH ME REAL BAD.

-I WON'T TELL ANYONE

ABOUT YOUR C-WORD.

I WANT YOU TO PLAY ON SATURDAY

AS MUCH AS YOU DO.

-COOL BEANS!

IF YOU SEE ME DOING ANYTHING

STUPID, JUST LET ME KNOW.

-I WISH I WAS JERKING OFF.

I HATE CHANGING KEGS

IN THE BASEMENT.

UGH!

OOH!

NICE.

GREASE THE COCONUTS.

DON'T MIND IF I DO.

[GROANS]

GO.

OOH, OK.

THAT LOOKS NICE.

OOH!

HERE IT IS.

OH, YEAH.

[GRUNTING]

AAH!

OH!

[PANTING]

SHIT.

[GRUNTING]

STUPID NIPPLE!

OH, COME ON, SIGNAL.

[PANTING]

SHIT.

HELP ME!

HELP!

-[GRUNTING]

-HEY, MAN.

WHY ARE YOU PUTTING

ON MY JERSEY?

-UH-OH!

[LAUGHS]

LOOKS LIKE WE GOT A LITTLE

JOKESTER ON OUR

HANDS TODAY, YOU KNOW?

HERE.

COME ON.

[LAUGHS]

YEAH, HI.

-YOU SUCK AT THIS, MORAN.

I MIGHT AS WELL BE LOOKING

OUT FOR MYSELF.

-MM-HMM.

WHAT'S THAT?

-WHENEVER I GET A C-WORD, I

WRITE STUFF ON MY ARM TO

HELP ME REMEMBER.

-HOW ABOUT WE WRITE

YOUR NUMBER ON THERE,

HUH?

-THAT'S MY FAVORITE NUMBER!

-I KNOW.

-HOW DO YOU--

-WE GOT A PROBLEM.

-OK, WHAT'S GOING

ON WITH YOU TWO?

-IF YOU SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ME

HAVING A C-WORD, I SWEAR I'M

GOING TO MURDER YOU.

-DID YOU SAY C-WORD?

-YEP.

-NO.

-THAD MIGHT HAVE LIKE A LITTLE,

TINY CONCUSSION.

-DON'T EVER SAY THAT

WORD IN MY OFFICE.

-CONCUSSION?

-DAMN.

THIS WEEK OF ALL WEEKS.

JON JON, CALL THE DOCTOR.

WE HAVE TO GET THAD

AN EVALUATION.

-[PANTING]

WHY THE HECK ISN'T ANYBODY

LOOKING FOR ME?

I'VE BEEN DOWN HERE

FOR 12 HOURS.

OH, MY GOD.

I FORGOT TO PUT THE SIGN BACK.

NO!

-OK, THAD.

WE GAVE YOU A MEMORY TEST YOUR

FRESHMAN YEAR TO DETERMINE A

BASELINE SCORE FOR YOU.

YOU SCORED A TWO OUT

OF A POSSIBLE 30.

-[LAUGHS]

-NOW I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU THE

SAME TEST. IF YOU SCORE LOWER

THAN A TWO, WHICH IS ALMOST

IMPOSSIBLE, I WON'T BE ABLE TO

CLEAR YOU FOR SATURDAY'S GAME.

OK.

BEGIN NOW.

-HE SCORED A ONE?

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?

-I CAN'T CLEAR THAD TO PLAY.

-NO.

NO, PLEASE.

I ALREADY MISSED ONE GAME THIS

SEASON, AND THE TEAM CAN'T WIN

WITHOUT ME.

PLEASE.

-BUT IF YOU WANT, COACH, WHAT I

CAN DO IS PRETEND THIS TEST

NEVER HAPPENED.

YOU PAY MY SALARY.

I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU THINK

IS BEST FOR THE TEAM.

-HOW MANY PEOPLE KNOW

ABOUT THIS?

-AS FAR AS I KNOW, JUST US.

-YOU HAVE TO LET ME PLAY.

IT'S NOT LIKE I'M GOING

TO GET ANY DUMBERER.

-OH, HE'S GOT A POINT.

-OK.

WHAT HAPPENED HERE TODAY DIDN'T

HAPPEN HERE T-TODAY.

NO ONE CAN KNOW ABOUT THIS, NO

COACHES, NO PLAYERS, NOBODY.

-OH, MY GOD.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, DR. BROOKS.

THANK YOU, COACH.

-OK.

NOW, THAD, IT IS VERY IMPORTANT

THAT YOU FOLLOW

THESE THREE RULES DURING

PRACTICE THIS WEEK.

-OK.

-NO RUNNING.

-OK.

-NO LIFTING.

AND NO HITTING.

-WHY?

-BECAUSE YOU HAVE

A CONCUSSION.

-I DO?

OH, MY GOD.

DOC, PLEASE DON'T TELL COACH.

-THAD, I ALREADY KNOW.

-OH, SHIT.

WHERE AM I?

A POSTER OF ME.

I MUST BE IN MY ROOM.

-AND THAT'S THE REASON I CAN'T

GET THE SMELL OF CATNIP OFF OF

MY ANAL BEADS.

-OK, BYE.

-I'M GETTING A WHIFF

OF SOMETHING.

WHAT'S UP WITH THAD?

-ALL RIGHT.

I'LL JUST GO ASK HIM MYSELF.

-UH, OK, HARMON, FINE.

OK.

THAD MIGHT HAVE, LIKE,

A SMALL CONCUSSION.

-I KNEW IT.

YOU'RE USING HIM TO

GET YOU PANCAKES.

-I'M NOT USING HIM.

I'M HELPING HIM.

ALL RIGHT?

THE PANCAKES ARE

JUST A REWARD.

-HE'D DO THE SAME TO US.

-THIS HAS TO STAY BETWEEN US.

I PROMISED THE COACH THAT I

WASN'T GOING TO TELL ANYBODY.

-OF COURSE.

YOU CAN TRUST ME.

-OK.

-[SNIFFING]

MMM.

PANCAKES.

[GRUNTING SOFTLY]

[GULPING]

OH!

OH!

[PANTING]

AAH!

GOD DAMN IT!

OK.

OK.

SAMMY CACCIATORE,

DAY TWO OF BEING

TRAPPED UNDER THESE WEIGHTS.

I JUST GOT DONE DRINKING MY OWN

URINE IN ORDER TO PRESERVE

THE ONLY LIQUIDS THAT I HAVE

LEFT, A NICE COLD BEER.

-NO POSTERS OF ME.

THIS IS NOT MY ROOM.

[SAMMY] HELLO?

HELLO?

-MASCOT?

-OH, THAD!

THAD, THANK GOD.

PLEASE, QUICK.

TAKE THESE WEIGHTS OFF ME.

OH, GOD.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

-I CAN'T LIFT THINGS.

-WHAT?

-DON'T WORRY, THOUGH.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH HELP.

-WHAT?

OK.

YES!

[PANTING]

OH, WHAT THE HELL?

I CAN GET ONE MORE IN BEFORE

THEY COME, HUH?

OH, YEAH.

-GUYS!

GUYS!

-WHOA!

HEY, WHAT'S UP?

-I JUST WANTED TO SEE IF, UH,

YOU GUYS WANTED SOME MORE

CHOCOLATE-CHIP PANCAKES.

-[LAUGHS]

NO.

-I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK.

-GOOD.

-GOOD, THAT'S THE T FORMATION.

-T FORMATION?

-MM-HMM.

-T FORMATION?

-MM-HMM.

-[COACH]

ALRIGHT, BRING IT IN.

BRING IT IN.

TODAY WE'RE GOING TO RUN

PRACTICE AT HALF SPEED.

-HALF SPEED?

COACH, COME ON.

HOW DO YOU EXPECT MY OFFENSE

TO BE READY FOR SATURDAY

RUNNING HALF SPEED, REALLY?

-YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT.

LET'S GO, BOYS.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

-HEY.

HEY, THAD.

YOU GOT THAT 50 BUCKS

YOU OWE ME?

-WHAT 50 BUCKS?

-YOU DON'T REMEMBER?

IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU?

-OF COURSE I REMEMBER,

YOU STUPID IDIOT.

-THANKS, BUD.

-HEY, DID HARMON TELL YOU?

-YEAH, BUT I DIDN'T

TELL ANYONE.

-THANKS, DONNIE.

-EXCEPT LARRY.

-WHAT?

[COACH]

COME ON.

LET'S GO.

[WHITSLE BLOWS]

-SHIT, DONNIE.

- WHERE AM I ?

- [TEAMMATE]

BLUE 16. BLUE 16.

- I'M WEARING A FOOTBALL

UNIFORM.

-I MUST BE PLAYING FOOTBALL.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

-GOOD PLAY, CASTLE.

GOOD PLAY.

-WHAT THE HELL WAS

THAT, MORAN?

-I GUESS I TELEGRAPHED IT.

I--

-VERY NICE.

HEY, LARRY.

-HMM?

-LARRY.

GOOD WORK OUT THERE, MAN.

-OH.

-NICE HUSTLE.

SO, I'M GUESSING YOU HEARD THE

NEWS ABOUT CASTLE, HUH?

-WHAT NEWS?

-YOU HAVEN'T HEARD?

UH, JUST FORGET ABOUT

IT, YOU KNOW?

I GUESS HE ONLY TOLD HIS

CLOSE FRIENDS, SO--

-I'M--

I'M ACTUALLY HIS BEST FRIEND.

AND, UH, IF YOU'RE TALKING

ABOUT THE CONCUSSION, I

ALREADY KNOW ABOUT IT.

IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

HE'S HAD THEM BEFORE.

PRETTY FUNNY, ACTUALLY.

IT'S KIND OF A TRADITION

A MESS WITH HIM, SO--

I'M ACTUALLY NOT SUPPOSED

TO TELL ANYONE.

-OH, SCOUT'S HONOR, MAN.

-THANKS.

-YEAH.

GOTCHA.

[DOOR OPENS]

-HELLO?

HELLO?

-THIS IS NOT MY ROOM.

[SAMMY] HELLO ?

I'M DOWN HERE!

THAD?

I'VE BEEN DOWN HERE

FOR TWO DAYS, MAN!

WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?

- WOULDN'T HE LIKE TO KNOW ?

WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO KNOW?

-QUICK!

LIFT THESE WEIGHTS OFF OF ME.

OH, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

-I'M GOING TO GO

GET SOME HELP.

-WHAT?

NO, WAIT!

COME BACK HERE!

WHY THE HELL ARE YOU

DOING THIS TO ME?

-GUYS!

GUYS!

GUYS!

GUYS!

COACH?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

-I KNOW ABOUT THE C-WORD.

-OH, PLEASE, COACH.

YOU CAN'T TELL ANYONE.

I HAVE TO PLAY TOMORROW.

-RELAX, BUDDY.

COME ON.

HAVE A SEAT.

THAD, YOU'RE GOING

TO PLAY TOMORROW.

-OH, GOD.

-AND THEN AFTER THE GAME, I'M

GOING TO GO TO THE ATHLETIC

BOARD WITH PROOF THAT YOUR HEAD

COACH ALLOWED A CONCUSSED

PLAYER TO TAKE THE FIELD

DURING A GAME.

AND THAT WILL BE THE END OF

COACH DANIELS' CAREER AT BMS

AND THE GENESIS OF MINE.

-YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

-OH, I'M GOING TO DO IT.

AND DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY

I CAN TELL YOU THAT

I'M GOING TO DO IT?

BECAUSE THE SECOND I WALK OUT

THAT DOOR, YOU'RE GOING TO

FORGET THAT I WAS EVEN HERE.

HEY, GOOD LUCK.

- AH .

CONCENTRATE.

FOCUS.

FIND A MARKER.

FIND A MARKER.

FIND SOMETHING TO WRITE WITH.

SHIT.

WAIT.

WHAT AM I LOOKING FOR ?

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

-HEY.

HOW'S IT GOING?

-PRETTY GOOD, COACH.

-GOOD.

LISTEN, I JUST STOPPED BY TO

SAY YOU GIVE THEM HELL

TOMORROW, OK?

-OH.

THANKS.

-OH, HEY, NOT FOR NOTHING, BUT

I NOTICED THE GUYS GIVING YOU

A HARD TIME OUT ON THE FIELD

TODAY, PLAYING PRANKS.

-PRANKS?

-LIKE WHY WOULD YOU BE MAKING

ALEX MORAN PANCAKES?

I MEAN-- AND WHAT'S THIS ONE?

WHAT DO WE GOT?

YEAH.

YOU NEED TO THINK TWICE ABOUT

WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE.

- MORAN'S MESSING WITH ME.

WHAT ?

HOW COULD I HAVE

BEEN SO STUPID?

-SORRY.

[CHUCKLES]

HEY, SAMMY, WE GOT A GAME

IN LIKE THREE HOURS.

YOU GOT A SERIOUS PROBLEM.

-WHERE AM I?

POSTER OF ME.

MUST BE IN MY ROOM.

-[GRUNTING]

NIPPLE.

[PANTING]

CONGRATULATIONS, SAMMY.

YOU DID IT AGAIN.

OH, HEY, ALEX.

HOW DID YOUR BEST FRIEND

SAMMY DIE?

UH, HE WAS A SELFISH, LONELY

GUY WHO LIKED TO JERK OFF

EVERY MINUTE OF HIS

HORNY LIFE!

WHY AM I EVEN DOING THIS?

I DON'T EVEN KNOW

WHY I DO THIS.

OH.

OOH.

THAT'S SHARP.

OH.

OOH.

WHAT'S ONE NIPPLE, RIGHT?

AAH!

[SCREAMING]

-SO HERE'S THE T FORMATION.

REMEMBER THAT AND EVERYTHING?

AND THE GUYS DROP INTO WISHBONE

WHEN THE GUYS DROP BACK.

-WHY IS HE SHOWING

ME THESE PHOTOS?

-WAIT.

WHY WAS COACH GILDAY

AT THE GOAT HOUSE?

-NOT SURE AND NOT TELLING.

SAY THAT OUT LOUD TO HIM.

NOT SURE AND NOT TELLING.

-THAD, YOU READY FOR THE

BIG GAME TODAY, HUH?

-YES, SIR.

YEAH, WHAT A DAY, HUH?

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY.

-THAD, YOU SAID YOU'D TRY MY

APPLE CIDER BEFORE THE GAME.

-STOP!

THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND.

-HE'D DO IT TO US.

-HE PROBABLY WOULD, ALL RIGHT?

BUT IF WE BASED ALL OUR ACTIONS

ON WHAT WOULD THAD DO,

THE WORLD WOULD BE

A TERRIBLE PLACE.

-DON'T LISTEN TO HIM, LARRY.

I WOULD LOVE TO TRY

YOUR APPLE CIDER.

[LAUGHTER]

-THAD, I GOT A BAD FEELING.

I GOT TO TELL COACH YOU

CAN'T PLAY TODAY.

-YOU PROMISED YOU'D HELP ME!

[LAUGHTER]

-[GRUNTING]

IT'S SO GOOD.

YES!

YES!

YES!

[PANTING]

OH, OH, PLEASE BE

BEER IN HERE.

PLEASE BE BEER IN HERE.

IT'S NOT PEE!

IT'S NOT PEE!

-COACH, GILDAY KNOWS ABOUT

THAD'S C-WORD.

-LIAR!

-I TOLD A COUPLE OF GUYS ABOUT

THAD'S CONDITION, AND THEY

STARTED MESSING WITH HIM.

YOU KNOW, GILDAY MUST

HAVE FOUND OUT.

-I KNEW I COULDN'T TRUST YOU.

THAT'S WHY I WROTE

IT ON MY ARM.

-OH, YEAH.

-OH, YEAH, YOU LITTLE TRAITOR!

-HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.

BOTH OF YOU, RELAX.

EVEN IF GILDAY KNOWS, THERE'S

NOTHING HE CAN DO ABOUT IT,

BECAUSE I HAVE ALL

MY BASES COVERED.

THE EVALUATION, IT NEVER

EVEN TOOK PLACE.

BESIDES, LOOK AT THAD.

HE LOOKS GREAT.

-THANKS, COACH.

-HEY, HOW MANY THREE FINGERS

AM I HOLDING UP?

-THREE?

-BINGO!

JUST CONCENTRATE ON

THE GAME, OK?

-WHAT'S HAPPENING?

OK.

I'M IN THE LOCKER ROOM.

I SEE FOOTBALL PLAYERS.

MUST BE GAME TIME.

-SMILE, MORAN.

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY.

-ALL RIGHT, GUYS.

LET'S GO GET THEM.

[PLAYERS CHEERING]

-GUYS!

- DUDE!

- WHAT THE--

-I WAS DOWN THERE

FOR THREE DAYS.

-THAD.

THAD, CAN YOU HEAR ME?

-DID WE WIN?

-MY HANDS ARE TIED

HERE, COACH.

I CAN'T CLEAR HIM TO PLAY.

-OH, SHIT!

-NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

THAD HAS GOT TO PLAY.

HE'S GOT TO.

WE NEED HIM OUT THERE.

YOU SAID SO YOURSELF.

-WELL, I GUESS IT'S UP

TO THE OFFENSE TODAY.

-BUT--

-I WANT 35 POINTS

BY HALF TIME.

COME ON, GUYS!

LET'S GO!

-YEAH!

-THAD!

YOU'RE FINE, BUDDY.

YOU'RE FINE.

COME ON.

UP YOU GET.

LET'S GO.

-YOUR APPLE CIDER TASTES

LIKE PISS, LARRY.

♪♪