Original subtitles

-HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO,

HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO,

HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO,

HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO,

HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO,

HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO--

COACH DANIELS (OFFSCREEN): HEY!

HEY! THAT'S IT!

HEY!

CUT THE SHIT.

WE GOT THE WIN, BUT A ONE-POINT

VICTORY'S NOTHING TO

BE HUMPING EACH OTHER ABOUT.

THE GAME SHOULDN'T HAVE

BEEN THAT CLOSE.

THAD (OFFSCREEN):

HARMON'S FAULT.

-COME ON.

HE NEEDS OUR SUPPORT.

-HE MISSED EVERY SINGLE KICK,

EVEN THE EXTRA POINTS.

THERE WAS NO WIND.

HE KICKED THE LAST ONE STRAIGHT

UP DONNIE'S ASS.

-SHUT YOUR FACE, THAD.

HARMON, GET DRESSED AND

SEE ME IN MY OFFICE.

-I'M ONLY SAYING WHAT

EVERYONE'S THINKING.

AND I MEAN EVERYONE.

-I'M THINKING IT TOO, BRO.

-KABOOM.

PSHEW!

-SO WHAT'S GOING ON

YOU WITH YOU?

THAD (OFFSCREEN):

HE SUCKS!

-OH, COME ON.

YOU MISSED ONE KICK LAST WEEK,

TWO KICKS THE WEEK

BEFORE, AND NOW THIS.

WHAT'S GOING-- ARE YOU HURT?

-I GOT NO EXCUSES, COACH.

-MAYBE HE SHOULD SEE

THE THERAPIST.

-I DON'T TRUST THERAPISTS.

DID YOU KNOW THEY'RE REQUIRED

BY LAW TO REPORT ANY CRIMES

TOLD TO THEM IN CONFIDENCE?

NO, THANK YOU.

-YOU KICKERS, YOU'RE--

YOU'RE A STRANGE BREED.

-YEAH, SO I'VE HEARD.

COACH DANIELS (OFFSCREEN):

I MEAN JUST WEIRD.

HARMON, IF YOU CAN'T GET

YOURSELF TOGETHER BY

SATURDAY'S GAME, I MIGHT HAVE

TO FIND ANOTHER KICKER.

-HEY, HARMON, I'LL BET YOU 20

BUCKS I CAN SHOOT THIS IN THE

LAUNDRY BASKET FROM HERE.

-OK, YOU'RE ON.

OH!

OH!

OOPS, I MISSED.

OH, MAN.

IT REALLY SUCKS WHEN ONE

OF YOUR TEAMMATES

MISSES, DOESN'T IT?

CAN I HAVE MY 20 BUCKS NOW?

-I'M NOT PAYING YOU 20 BUCKS.

-WELL, YOU MISSED THE SHOT.

-DAMN IT!

[ REV THEORY'S "HELL YEAH"

PLAYS ]

CAN YOU FEEL THAT?

YOU BETTER HOLD ON.

THIS ONE'S ABOUT TO GET BUMPY.

♪ GIVE ME A "HELL" ♪

♪ GIVE ME A "YEAH" ♪

♪ HELL, YEAH ♪

♪ STAND UP RIGHT NOW ♪

♪ GIVE ME A "HELL" ♪

♪ GIVE ME A "YEAH" ♪

♪ STAND UP RIGHT NOW ♪

♪ GIVE ME A "HELL" ♪

♪ GIVE ME A "YEAH" ♪

♪ STAND UP RIGHT NOW ♪

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS

IN DISTANCE]

-THANKS, MAN.

YOU ALWAYS KNOW HOW

TO CHEER ME UP.

-HEY, KICKER.

DO BMS A FAVOR AND DIE.

[LAUGHS]

-SORRY ABOUT THE MISSED KICKS.

I DON'T LIKE IT EITHER.

-I HAVE TO SAY, YOU'RE TAKING

THIS RATHER WELL.

I MEAN, DOESN'T IT BOTHER YOU?

-THAT'S THE LIFE OF

A KICKER, MAN.

ONE MINUTE YOU'RE A HERO.

THE NEXT YOU'RE THE MOST

HATED MAN ON CAMPUS.

IT'LL COME AROUND.

-YOU'VE BEEN SAYING THAT FOR

THREE WEEKS, THOUGH.

-YEAH, WHAT'S DIFFERENT?

I MEAN, HAS ANYTHING CHANGED

IN YOUR GAME-DAY RITUALS?

-NO, MAN, I GOT THE SAME

RITUALS SINCE I

WAS 12 YEARS OLD.

FIRST THING, I WAKE UP,

SMELL MY BALLS.

THEN I GET OUT OF BED, DO 17

MINUTES OF A FORM OF NAKED TAI

CHI I CREATED.

I LIKE TO LEAVE THE BLINDS UP

SO THE NEIGHBORS CAN WATCH.

THEN ONCE I FEEL ADEQUATELY

LIMBER, AND THE NEIGHBORS HAVE

GOTTEN THEIR MONEY'S WORTH, I

SMOKE A SHITLOAD OF GRADE-A

HASH AND CALL MY MOM.

HER AND HER LESBIAN LOVER TRIXIE

ARE USUALLY STILL AWAKE

FROM THE NIGHT BEFORE.

HI, MOM.

IT'S HARMON.

-HEY.

TRIXIE WANTS TO KNOW IF YOU

STOLE HER DARTBOARD.

-WHAT?

THEN I WRITE A CHAPTER

IN MY EROTIC NOVEL.

-ALL RIGHT.

LET'S SKIP ON, SHALL WE?

WHAT ARE YOUR RITUALS RIGHT

BEFORE YOU KICK?

-RIGHT BEFORE I RUN OUT TO THE

FIELD, THAD USUALLY YELLS

SOMETHING LIKE--

-YOU BETTER MAKE IT

OR YOU'RE DEAD.

HARMON (OFFSCREEN): AND I

PRETEND NOT TO HEAR HIM.

THEN I WAIT FOR YOU TO GET

SET, STAND NEXT TO THE

PLACEMENT, TAKE THREE STEPS

BACK, TWO OVER, TAKE A DEEP

BREATH, RIGHT FINGER

TO THE RIGHT

NOSTRIL, BLOW A SNOT ROCKET.

THEN I REACH DOWN INTO MY PANTS,

PULL OUT THREE PUBES,

AND DROP THEM TO TEST

THE WIND DIRECTION.

-YEAH, I KNOW ABOUT THAT PART,

BECAUSE YOUR PUBES USUALLY HIT

ME IN THE FACE.

-SEE, THE PROBLEM IS YOU'RE

OVER-THINKING EVERYTHING.

-YEAH, HE'S RIGHT.

WE GOT TO CLEAR YOUR HEAD.

I MEAN, I THINK WE COULD

HELP WITH THAT, EH?

-YEAH.

[LAUGHTER]

-[SIGHS]

THAT FEELS GOOD.

THANK YOU, GUYS.

-ANYTHING WE CAN DO

TO HELP, HARMON.

-SAMMY, YOU WE BETTER BE SOBER

FOR PRACTICE TOMORROW MORNING.

-KATE, I DIDN'T COME TO COLLEGE

TO HAVE A WIFE.

LAY OFF ME, PLEASE.

-WHY DID YOU COME TO COLLEGE?

-TO DRINK.

-TO BE A LOSER.

-OOH.

RIGHT.

YEAH, I'M A LOSER, KATE.

-UGH.

-NO?

-I TOLD YOU I WOULD.

YOU'RE BEING A BAD TEAMMATE

RIGHT NOW, MORAN.

-WHAT?

-THE LAST THING THE KICKER

NEEDS IS SOME

SLOOTS CODDLING HIM.

-WAIT, YOU'RE THE KICKER?

-YES, MA'AM.

OH, COME ON.

OH!

GOD!

[LAUGHTER]

IT LOOKS LIKE YOU CAN LEARN

A THING OR TWO FROM THESE

MA-SLOOTS, MORAN.

[LAUGHTER]

-MA-SLOOTS!

-SO MUCH FOR CLEARING MY HEAD.

-MAYBE YOU'RE CURSED, MAN.

I KNOW A WOMAN WHO MIGHT

BE ABLE TO HELP YOU.

SHE-- SHE RUNS A LITTLE

SHOP IN TOWN.

SHE COULD GIVE YOU A READING OR

SOME POTIONS OR SOMETHING.

-I DON'T BELIEVE

IN THAT STUFF.

-IT HAPPENS ALL THE

TIME IN SPORTS.

UH, SCOTT NORWOOD MISSED THE

WINNING FIELD GOAL IN THE

SUPER BOWL.

THE BILLS WENT ON TO LOSE FOUR

STRAIGHT SUPER BOWLS.

-HOW DID SCOTT NORWOOD FIX

HIS KICKING PROBLEM?

-HE STOPPED PLAYING.

-LOOK, CURSE OR NO CURSE,

HARMON, WE JUST NEED TO GET

YOU SOME NEW RITUALS, OK?

-I DON'T KNOW, MAN.

SURE.

I'LL GIVE IT A SHOT.

-FAIR ENOUGH.

DO YOU WANT A TISSUE

OR SOMETHING?

-UH, YEAH, THIS PLACE

ISN'T CREEPY AT ALL.

-SHIT, LOOK AT THIS PLACE.

-I'VE GOT A BAD FEELING

ABOUT THIS PLACE.

CAN I HELP YOU?

-OH!

-HELLO.

UM, OUR, UH, OUR FRIEND HERE HAS

A PROBLEM HE NEEDS FIXED.

-OH, I DON'T FIX PROBLEMS. I

GIVE YOU INFORMATION SO YOU

CAN FIX THEM YOURSELF.

CAN I OFFER YOUR FRIEND

A READING?

-HELL NO.

I AIN'T LETTING YOU POKE

AROUND INSIDE MY BRAIN.

-I THINK HE NEEDS SOMETHING TO

HELP HIM FOCUS A LITTLE.

-WELL, TAKE A LOOK AROUND.

IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS,

LET ME KNOW.

-YES, I HAVE A QUESTION.

WHAT KIND OF STUFF CAN

YOU SEE WHEN YOU DO

ONE OF THESE READINGS?

-YOU SEEM EVEN MORE TROUBLED

THAN YOUR FRIEND.

-BINGO.

YOU'RE GOOD.

YOU'RE GOO--

I'LL DO IT.

LET'S GO.

-I FEEL YOU'RE A LIFELONG

UNDERACHIEVER.

-YOU ARE NOW TWO FOR TWO.

-AND YOU ARE UNHAPPY, BECAUSE

YOU ARE MEANT FOR BIGGER AND

BETTER THINGS.

-HOLY SHIT.

YOU ARE GOOD.

-SAMMY, LET'S JUST GO, OK?

-NO.

SHE'S RIGHT.

THE CHEERLEADERS ARE

HOLDING ME BACK.

I NEED TO GET OUT FROM

UNDERNEATH THEM AND DO

SOMETHING MEANINGFUL.

-WELL, THAT'S NOT REALLY

WHAT SHE SAID, SO--

-THANK YOU SO, SO--

-MY PLEASURE.

ANYBODY ELSE?

-NO, THANK YOU.

I'M JUST GOING TO TAKE THESE

OILS AND THESE AMULETS AND

THIS POWDERED GOAT VAGINA, AND

THEN I WILL BE ON MY WAY.

[CROWD CHEERS]

-IT'S GOOD!

THAD CASTLE WINS ANOTHER

GAME FOR BMS!

[LAUGHTER]

-KICKING IS SO EASY.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

-EXTRA POINT TEAM, LINE UP.

-[CHANTING QUIETLY]

-HARMON, LET'S GO!

MOVE!

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

-COME ON, GUYS.

LET'S MOVE IT.

EXTRA POINT TEAM.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY.

I'M GOING TO KEEP THIS SIMPLE.

HARMON HAS MADE THIS KICK

HUNDREDS OF TIMES.

AND IF HARMON MAKES IT RIGHT

NOW, PRACTICE IS OVER.

[MEN CHEER]

-SWEET!

-BUT IF HE MISSES, WE'RE GOING

TO RUN SUICIDES TILL YOU DROP.

-SHIT.

COACH DANIELS (OFFSCREEN):

LET'S GO.

-COME ON, HARMON!

DON'T SUCK!

DON'T SUCK LIKE YOU ALWAYS

SUCK, DR. SHAKENSTEIN.

-IGNORE HIM, HARMON.

SHOW EVERYBODY YOU CAN

DO THIS, ALL RIGHT?

-SUDSY MCSUDSTER!

COME ON!

-READY.

-YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT

FROM TWO YARDS!

[LAUGHS]

[CROWD GROANS]

-[LAUGHING]

YOU SUCK!

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

-ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY.

DOWN TO THE OTHER END

OF THE FIELD.

SUICIDES.

LET'S GO.

-YOU SUCK.

THAD (OFFSCREEN): EVERYONE CAN

BLAME HARMON FOR THIS.

-JON JON, WE GOT TO LOOK

FOR A NEW KICKER.

-SO MR.--

-CACCIATORE.

SAMMY CACCIATORE.

-WHAT MAKES YOU INTERESTED

IN JOINING THE CIA?

-I'M LOOKING FOR BIGGER AND

BETTER THINGS, DAVE. CAN I

CALL YOU DAVE?

-YOU COULD IF THAT WAS MY NAME.

-COOL.

-HOW DID YOU GET

THIS INTERVIEW?

-HIRE ME, AND I'LL TELL YOU.

-YOU REALIZE THAT DIRECTOR

OF SPYING ON RUSSIA ISN'T

ACTUALLY A POSITION HERE.

-NOT YET.

-UNDER HOBBIES, YOU'VE

WRITTEN "GOOD AT

BLENDING IN."

-RIGHT.

-WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY DOING?

-I'M CURRENTLY A COLLEGE

STUDENT.

-OK.

-OR AM I?

-GET OUT.

-YOU GO IT.

I'LL TAKE THIS, THOUGH,

BECAUSE I

ONLY GOT ONE OF THESE.

PRINTED IT UP ESPECIALLY

FOR YOU, BUT--

-SIR, PLEASE GET BACK.

-IT'S FINE.

I THINK I FOUND MY CALLING.

I'M GOING TO SAVE YOUR

GODDAMN LIFE!

-THAT MAN IS HIGHLY

CONTAGIOUS.

-[CHANTING UNINTELLIGIBLY]

-DO YOU FEEL ANYTHING?

-I'M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE,

MAN.

-MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO AND

SEE THE PSYCHIC.

THAD (OFFSCREEN): I GOT

BOOTY SHORTS, TOO.

HEY, GIRLS, YOU WANT TO STOP FOR

A SECOND SO YOU CAN BLOW

OUR KICKER?

OH, MISSED WIDE RIGHT.

SORRY!

[LAUGHS]

-DON'T LET IT GET TO YOU, MAN.

THAD (OFFSCREEN): I

REALLY SHOULD GET

INTO STAND-UP COMEDY.

-DON'T LET IT GET TO ME?

I'VE BEEN NOT LETTING IT GET

TO ME ALL SEASON LONG.

YOU TWO ASSHOLES EVER

THINK THAT MAYBE THE

PROBLEM ISN'T ME?

MAYBE IT'S YOU.

I MEAN, DONNIE, YOU

SNAP THE BALL.

ALEX, YOU HOLD IT.

MAYBE YOU TWO SHOULD CHANGE

YOUR RITUALS!

-OK.

THAT'S FAIR.

JEEZ.

THE FIRST THING I DO ON

GAME DAY IS WAKE UP.

I ASK THE GIRL NEXT TO

ME WHAT HER NAME IS.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

-BECAUSE IT'S ONLY RESPECTFUL,

JUST FOR FUTURE

REFERENCE, YOU KNOW?

OH, OH.

[LAUGHS]

I DO SOME LIGHT STRETCHING,

BRUSH MY TEETH, HAVE A MEET UP

WITH SAMMY BEFORE THE

GAME AND HEAD OVER.

I LIKE MY RITUAL.

THERE'S NOT MUCH TO CHANGE.

-I HAVE A RITUAL, TOO, BUT

IT'S-- IT'S PRETTY SIMPLE.

I EAT HALF A GRAPEFRUIT.

NOT THE SEEDS.

I DON'T LIKE THE SEEDS.

THEN I Q-TIP MY LEFT EAR,

NEVER MY RIGHT.

AND THEN I GO--

-ENOUGH.

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

ALL RIGHT?

IT'S ALL OVER.

MY JOB AS A COLLEGE KICKER, MY

CHANCES OF GOING PRO, HELL, MY

WHOLE LIFE IS DOWN

THE SHITTER.

-YOU'RE UP.

LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT.

-ALL RIGHT, WHICH ONE OF

YOU IS, UH, BERZENETSKI

STEPOKOVICH?

-[SPEAKS RUSSIAN]

-YOU SPEAK ANY ENGLISH?

-YES.

HELLO.

YOU LOOK LIKE GOOD SEX.

-YOU KNOW, I WISH I COULD GO

BACK IN TIME AND KICK THE SHIT

OUT OF THE IDIOT WHO

DECIDED TO MAKE

KICKERS PART OF FOOTBALL.

NEXT.

-MR. CACCIATORE.

-GOT IT.

-WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

-WELL, I'M HERE TODAY

BECAUSE I'M NOT

REACHING MY FULL POTENTIAL.

I DON'T MEAN TO BLAME YOU, BUT

IT'S YOUR JOB AS MY SCHOOL

COUNSELOR TO DO WHATEVER YOU DO

ON THAT LITTLE COMPUTER OF

YOURS AND FIGURE

IT OUT FOR ME.

-ALL RIGHT.

[COMPUTER BEEPS]

-WELL, ACCORDING TO OUR RECORDS,

YOU HAVEN'T BEEN

ENROLLED AT BLUE MOUNTAIN STATE

SINCE THE FIRST SEMESTER

OF YOUR FRESHMAN YEAR.

-HOW OFTEN DO YOU UPDATE

YOUR RECORDS?

-OFTEN.

IN FACT, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU

HAVEN'T ATTENDED CLASSES IN

OVER TWO YEARS.

-WOW.

OK, NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT,

COLLEGE HAS SEEMED PRETTY EASY

FOR ME.

-YEAH, I CAN IMAGINE.

-[CHANTING SOFTLY]

-HARMON?

-OH, HEY.

I JUST NEEDED TO GET AWAY

FROM IT FOR A WHILE.

I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE

ELSE TO HIDE OUT.

-WELL, IT TURNS OUT THAT

PSYCHIC WAS BULLSHIT.

NOT ONLY AM I NOT MEANT FOR

BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS LIKE

SHE PROMISED, I'M EVEN MORE OF

A LOSER THAN I THOUGHT I WAS.

-YEAH, I KNOW HOW

YOU FEEL, MAN.

MY BEST DAYS ARE BEHIND ME.

BUT IN ALL FAIRNESS TO THAT

PSYCHIC, SHE DIDN'T PROMISE

YOU A DAMN THING.

SHE ONLY SAID THAT SHE COULD

GIVE YOU THE INFORMATION SO

YOU COULD FIX THE PROBLEM

YOURSELF.

-YEAH, WELL, THAT'S USELESS.

-NO, IT AIN'T.

IF SHE DIDN'T SET YOU IN THAT

DIRECTION, YOU COULD HAVE GONE

FOUR YEARS AND HAD NOTHING

TO SHOW FOR IT.

AT LEAST THIS WAY YOU CAN

DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

-YEAH, IF SHE'S SO GREAT,

HOW COME YOU'RE NOT

GOING TO SEE HER?

YOU LOOK LIKE YOU GOT A

COUPLE OF PROBLEMS.

-UH, YOU KNOW, I'VE

NEVER REALLY DONE

ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE.

-IT WILL BE OK.

CLOSE YOUR EYES.

I'M PICKING UP A DARKNESS.

-OH, SHIT.

UH, ANYTHING YOU SEE DOESN'T

LEAVE THIS ROOM, RIGHT?

-IT'S NOT YOU, HARMON.

IT'S, UH--

[GROANS]

IT'S A-- A NEGATIVE ENERGY, AN

EVIL SPIRIT ATTACHED TO YOU.

-I AM REAL DISAPPOINTED

IN YOU, HARMON.

ONCE AGAIN, YOU HAVE COME

IN LAST IN THE FAMILY

BEER-CHUGGING CONTEST.

-COUSIN DENNIS?

-YOUR SISTER ASKED ME

TO BABYSIT YOUR ASS.

I DON'T DO THAT KIND OF SHIT.

INSTEAD, WE'RE GOING TO PLAY A

LITTLE GAME CALLED DRUGS OR

POWER TOOLS.

-TEDESCO, YOU'RE TOO GODDAMN

SMALL TO PLAY FOOTBALL.

EVER CONSIDER THE CIRCUS?

-KICKING IS SO EASY.

ANYONE CAN DO IT, EXCEPT YOU.

[LAUGHS]

-AAH!

-THAD.

THE DARKNESS I SPEAK

OF, THE EVIL SPIRIT

HOLDING YOU BACK IS THAD.

HE REPRESENTS EVERY UNSUPPORTIVE

PERSON FROM YOUR

PAST.

-THAT'S A LOT OF ASSHOLES.

-YOU'VE BEEN INSULATING YOURSELF

WITH SUPERSTITION AND

RITUALS AS A CRUTCH.

YOU HAVE TO GET PAST THAT.

-BUT HOW?

-IF YOU WANT TO FIX YOUR KICKING

PROBLEM, YOU HAVE TO

EXORCISE THE SPIRIT

THAT IS THAD.

-EXCUSE ME.

WHA-BAM!

WHO'S THE LOSER NOW, KATE?

YOU ARE.

-WHAT'S THIS?

-OH, IT'S A CLASS SCHEDULE.

YEAH, YOU'RE LOOKING

AT A GENUINE,

FULL-TIME COLLEGE STUDENT.

THAT'S ME.

-WELL, YOU REALIZE THAT IF YOU

TAKE ALL THESE CLASSES, YOU

WON'T HAVE TIME FOR SPIRIT

SQUAD, RIGHT?

-WHAT?

LET ME SEE THIS.

UH, WHAT TIME IS PRACTICE

TOMORROW?

-10:00.

SEE YOU, LOSER.

-BARTENDER!

10 SHOTS, PLEASE!

-BEFORE EXORCISING AN EVIL

SPIRIT, YOU HAVE TO BUILD UP

THE COURAGE TO FACE THAT

SPIRIT HEAD ON.

-HEY, ASSHOLE, MISS

ANY KICKS LATELY?

PSYCHIC (OFFSCREEN): YOU'RE

GOING TO HAVE TO ASK YOUR

FRIENDS FOR HELP.

COMBINING FORCES AND FORMING A

COVEN INCREASES THE AMOUNT OF

ENERGY PUT INTO THE SPELL.

-WHERE'S ALEX?

-HE'S IN HIS ROOM.

IS EVERYTHING OK, HARMON?

-HEY, KICKER.

-WOW!

-DROP YOUR COCKS AND

GATHER THE TROOPS.

I NEED YOUR HELP.

-MM-HMM.

TIGHTEN THOSE.

GET THESE OFF.

TIE HIM UP.

TIE HIM UP.

LOOP IT AROUND AND TIGHTEN IT.

-OH, HE'S WAKING UP.

-WHAT THE HELL?

-TIE IT, TIE IT, TIE IT!

-WHAT THE HELL?

UNTIE ME!

-NO, NO CAN DO, THAD.

-UNTIE THESE STRAPS!

LET ME UP!

LET ME UP!

-[SCREAMING]

OH, HE'S GOT MY NUTS!

AAH!

HE'S GOT MY NUT SACK!

HE'S GOT MY NUT SACK!

AAH!

-UNTIE ME!

-SHIT.

-[GROWLS]

[SCREAMING]

-GET HIM!

THAD (OFFSCREEN): I'LL

KILL YOU ALL!

I HATE YOU!

-IGNORE HIM.

THAD (OFFSCREEN):

YOU'RE NOTHING!

-FOCUS.

-LET ME DOWN!

I'M GOING TO KILL YOU.

I'LL KILL YOU ALL!

I HATE YOU.

-WE'RE HERE FOR YOU,

ALL RIGHT?

GOT YOUR BACK.

THAD (OFFSCREEN): I HATE YOU!

YOU LOSE EVERYTHING FOR US!

YOU SUCK!

YOU LOSE AT LIFE!

YOU'RE TOO SHORT TO KICK!

YOU'RE TOO UGLY TO KICK!

-SORRY, MAN.

SOME RITUALS I CAN'T

LET GO OF.

-UNDERSTOOD.

-YOU'RE NOTHING!

YOU COULDN'T HIT ME IF YOUR

LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!

-I AM REAL DISAPPOINTED, SON.

-CIRCUS.

-YOU'LL NEVER MAKE THIS KICK.

[LAUGHS]

-GO.

-SET.

THAD (OFFSCREEN): I'M

GOING TO KILL YOU.

I'M GOING TO KILL YOU WHEN

I GET DOWN FROM HERE!

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HIT ME.

YOU COULD NEVER-- AAH!

[CHEERS]

-MONTY.

-HEY, JON JON, WE'RE SCREWED.

EVERY KICKING OPTION WE HAVE

IS CRAZIER THAN THE NEXT.

NO ENGLISH, CRIMINAL RECORDS.

WE MIGHT HAVE TO GO

WITH THE GUY WHO'S

WANTED FOR WAR CRIMES.

-NO, NO, NO.

YOU'VE GOT TO SEE THIS.

THAD (OFFSCREEN):

YOU'RE A HICK!

YOU SUCK, YOU BALL-SNIFFING

D-BAG!

AAH!

HEY, THAT WAS PRETTY GOOD.

AAH!

-HEY, THAD, CAN I KICK NOW?

-OK, OK, OK, OK, NO MORE.

YOU CAN KICK.

[CHEERS]

[PLAYERS CHANTING "HARMON"]

-HEY, GUYS, I DID IT!

I FIXED HIS STUPID

KICKING PROBLEM.

[LAUGHS]

AAH!