Original subtitles

-WE'RE LIVE AT BMS STADIUM FOR

THIS HIGHLY ANTICIPATED GAME

BETWEEN BMS AND THE

BUCKINGHAM TITANS.

THIS PROMISES TO BE A BATTLE.

-YOU SUCK.

-YEAH?

WE SUCK TITTIES, BRO.

-WE SUCK TITTIES, TOO.

-SO DO WE.

-TYRESE, SAVE IT

FOR THE FIELD.

-HOPE YOU HAVE YOUR LUCKY

TAMPONS IN, BECAUSE YOU

PUSSIES ARE GOING

TO NEED THEM.

-HEY, IS YOUR EX-WIFE STILL

BANGING YOUR BOSS?

-HOW YOU DOING, BUDDY?

-GOOD TO SEE YOU, MARTY.

-I DON'T--

-I KNOW, HE'S SO AWKWARD.

-STEPHANIE?

-COUCH?

-YEAH.

-JESUS CHRIST, IT'S

BEEN YEARS.

-YEAH, I KNOW.

-WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

-IN THIS STADIUM?

-YEAH.

-I'M THE QUARTERBACK.

-IS THAT RIGHT?

-OH, YEAH.

-WOW.

WELL, I'LL TRY NOT TO DISTRACT

YOU TOO MUCH ON THE FIELD.

-OH, WELL, I MEAN, YOU KNOW.

-SEE YOU OUT THERE, COUCH.

-THE COUCH THING WAS

A LONG TIME AGO.

-I SAID WE SUCK TITTIES FIRST.

-YOU DON'T SUCK TITTIES.

WE SUCK TITTIES.

-EVERYBODY, BACK IN

THE LOCKER ROOM.

-YOU NEVER EVEN SUCKED

A TITTY.

-I INVENTED TITTY SUCKING.

[ REV THEORY'S "HELL YEAH"

PLAYS ]

CAN YOU FEEL THAT?

YOU BETTER HOLD ON.

THIS ONE'S ABOUT TO GET BUMPY.

♪ GIVE ME A "HELL" ♪

♪ GIVE ME A "YEAH" ♪

♪ HELL, YEAH ♪

♪ STAND UP RIGHT NOW ♪

♪ GIVE ME A "HELL" ♪

♪ GIVE ME A "YEAH" ♪

♪ STAND UP RIGHT NOW ♪

♪ GIVE ME A "HELL" ♪

♪ GIVE ME A "YEAH" ♪

♪ STAND UP RIGHT NOW ♪

-HEY, ALEX, WHY DID THAT

CHEERLEADER BACK

THERE CALL YOU COUCH?

-I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO

HER IN HIGH SCHOOL.

THAT'S ALL.

-ON A COUCH.

-YEAH, AND THEN SHE TOLD THE

WHOLE SCHOOL THE NEXT DAY THAT

I ACTUALLY HAD SEX ON

THE COUCH THAT WE

WERE ON, NOT HER.

[LAUGHTER]

-YEAH.

DID YOU?

-I DON'T THINK.

I'M PRETTY SURE I HAD

SEX WITH HER.

-WELL, NOW'S YOUR CHANCE TO

ERASE ALL DOUBT, MAN.

SHE'S RIGHT NEXT DOOR.

-BELIEVE ME, I'VE BEEN

THINKING ABOUT THAT

NONSTOP, ALL RIGHT?

BUT THE, THE GAME'S ABOUT

TO START SOON.

THEN SHE'S GOING TO GET ON

A BUS BACK TO BUCKINGHAM.

IT WOULD LITERALLY

TAKE A MIRACLE.

-ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY,

LISTEN UP.

THERE'S BEEN A MAJOR POWER

OUTAGE, SO THE GAME'S BEEN

POSTPONED 'TIL NOON TOMORROW.

NOW, I WANT YOU ALL TO GO HOME

AND RELAX, AND GET SOME REST.

BUT KEEP THAT ANGER AND

INTENSITY, AND WE'LL MEET BACK

HERE FIRST THING

IN THE MORNING.

-IT'S A MIRACLE.

-THIS IS GOING TO BE AWESOME.

EVERYONE'S STILL DRUNK AND

AMPED UP FOR THE GAME.

THIS IS GOING TO BE

A GREAT PARTY.

-HEY, SAMMY.

-OH, SORRY.

YEAH, THIS IS A BITCH-FREE

ZONE, STEPHANIE.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TRY AND

SPREAD SADNESS SOMEPLACE ELSE,

OK?

-HEY, STEF.

THAT'S OK.

I INVITED HER.

-YOU INVITED STEPHANIE BELL

TO THE GOAT HOUSE?

-JUST ONE MINUTE, PLEASE?

THANK YOU.

WELL, I HAVE TO GET OVER

THE COUCH THING.

-LISTEN, I KNOW THIS BOTHERS

YOU, BUT YOU AREN'T THE ONLY

PERSON WHO GOT HURT THERE.

MY BEST FRIEND HAD

SEX WITH A COUCH.

THAT'S HUMILIATING.

I GOT OVER IT.

AND SO SHOULD YOU.

-GOD, SAMMY, YOU DON'T GET IT.

ALL RIGHT?

SHE'S THE REASON WHY I FEEL LIKE

I HAVE TO PROVE MYSELF TO

EVERY WOMAN I MEET.

YEAH.

EVERY TIME I'M WITH

A GIRL STEPHANIE

FLASHES THROUGH MY BRAIN.

I NEED TO DO IT RIGHT THIS

TIME SO I CAN MOVE ON.

-I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS DICK HAD

THE BALLS TO SHOW UP HERE.

-SEE YOU, MARTY.

I'M GONNA GO DRINK

MYSELF TO SLEEP.

-HEY, WE'RE GOING TO GET A

LITTLE POKER GAME GOING HERE

IF YOU BOYS WANT IN?

-SURE, WHY NOT?

FRIENDLY LITTLE GAME, RIGHT?

-OH, YEAH THE FRIENDLIEST.

-CHICKS LOVE THAT.

-YOU'RE LUCKY THE GAME WAS

POSTPONED, OTHERWISE I'D BE

POUNDING YOU RIGHT NOW.

-I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY.

OH, YOU WILL.

IT'S CALLED TOMORROW.

-MOVE ASIDE.

I WANT TO SEE THE INSIDE

OF THIS DUMP.

-I DON'T THINK SO.

WHOOP.

I JUST CREATED AN INVISIBLE

FORCE FIELD MAKING THE GOAT

HOUSE A RESTRICTED AREA.

-DAMN IT.

-SO, I'M REALLY GLAD YOU CAME.

-AWW, WELL, THAT MAKES

THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE

GOTTEN ME TO COME.

-THAT WAS A GOOD ONE.

I LIKE THAT.

-THANK YOU.

-HEY, YOU WANT TO COME INSIDE

AND SEE MY BED?

-UM, I DON'T THINK MY BOYFRIEND

WOULD LIKE THAT VERY

MUCH.

-THIS D-BAG VERY GIVING

YOU A HARD TIME, STEF?

-TYRESE CLARK?

-THIS D-BAG GIVING YOU

A HARD TIME, MORAN?

-THE ONLY D-BAG I SEE IS

THE ONE I'M LOOKING AT.

-THAT'S IT.

BEER PONG, IN THE GOAT HOUSE

RIGHT NOW, MONO VERSE MONO.

-PLEASE, I COULD BEAT YOU

WITH MY GIRLFRIEND

TIED BEHIND MY BACK.

-WELL, I COULD BEAT

YOU WITH MY--

-ME.

I'LL DO IT.

YOU AND ME VERSE THEM.

-PERFECT.

AND MORAN'S PRETTY MUCH A

GIRL, SO TEAMS ARE EVEN.

-HEY, TITANS, IT'S

BEER PONG TIME.

-OH, YEAH BEER PONG.

-SO WHAT'S YOUR PLAN?

YOU'RE GOING TO GET ME DRUNK.

IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK.

-IT WORKED WHEN WE WERE 15.

-BEER PONG AT THE GOAT HOUSE.

-WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

WHAT ABOUT THE FORCE FIELD?

-OH, YEAH.

WHEW.

IT'S OFF NOW.

-THANKS.

-NO PROBLEM.

-WELCOME TO A GAME

OF BEER PONG.

WE'VE GOT BMS VERSUS

BUCKINGHAM.

-YOU SUCK HEADS.

-GOAT HOUSE RULES. WHEN YOU MAKE

A SHOT, THAT TEAM GETS TO

MAKE A NEW RULE.

VISITORS, YOU CALL

IT IN THE AIR.

YOU GOT ME?

-HEADS.

-HEADS IT IS.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO THROW

OR RECEIVE?

-DEFENSE.

-WHY WOULD YOU PICK DEFENSE?

-IT SHOWS CONFIDENCE.

-THEY MUST REALLY BE

CONFIDENT, MORAN.

YOU THROW FIRST.

-I PLAN ON IT.

-FIRST THROW.

-BLUE 16.

-YOU'RE NOTHING, MORAN.

-HIT.

-THAT'S GOOD.

-STEPHANIE DRINKS.

-OH, HOLD ON A SECOND HERE.

NEW RULE.

QUARTERBACK MAKES THE SHOT THE

OPPOSING QUARTERBACK HAS TO

DRINK.

-NO, WAIT.

I THOUGHT I GET TO

MAKE THE RULES.

-TRUST ME.

I'M DOING YOU A FAVOR.

-MEET ME UPSTAIRS?

GAY MUCH?

-GAY MUCH.

-NICE TRY.

-OH, I'M NOT DONE YET.

ADDITION TO THE RULE, BACK ROW

OF CUPS FILLED WITH BOOZE.

NO MORE BEER.

-MOJITOS.

-MY TOLERANCE IS THROUGH

THE ROOF.

-OH, WELL, SO IS

MY PERSISTENCE.

-OH, YEAH.

ALL NIGHT, ALL NIGHT, BOYS.

-LUCKY.

HEY, MARTY EVER TELL YOU GUYS

ABOUT THE TIME HE GOT A STIFFY

IN THE COWBOYS' TEAM SHOWER?

-NOW, BUT I DID TELL THEM HOW

YOU LIKE TO LOOK AT OTHER

GUYS' PECKERS IN THE SHOWER.

-ONLY YOURS, BABY, ONLY YOURS.

I AM ALL IN.

-WHAT'S THIS SHIT?

I SAID IT WAS A FRIENDLY GAME.

MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.

MAYBE IT'S TOO MUCH TAKING ALL

YOUR MONEY AND CRUSHING YOUR

TITLE HOPES ALL IN

THE SAME DAY.

-OK.

IF THAT'S HOW IT'S GOING TO

BE, BUT WHY STOP THERE?

-WHAT DO YOU GOT IN MIND?

-THE FIRST 15 PLAYS FOR

TOMORROW'S GAME, I KNOW YOU

SCRIPT THEM.

YOU THROW THEM IN THE POT

AND I'LL MATCH YOU.

-YOU ARE ON.

-SHOOT, SHOOT, SHOOT,

SHOOT, SHOOT, SHOOT,

SHOOT, SHOOT, SHOOT.

-IT'S IN.

NEW RULE.

-SHIRTS OFF.

-YEAH, SHIRTS OFF.

-SHIRTS OFF.

GET THEM OFF.

-HEY, CHECK IT OUT, STEF.

MORAN HAS BETTER TITS

THAN YOU DO.

-YOU TELL THE BEST JOKES.

-YOU GOT THAT?

-TOTALLY.

MORAN HAS TITS?

FUNNY AS HELL.

-YEAH.

-OK.

-WE CAN'T LET THEM GET THIS.

-I KNOW [INAUDIBLE].

-IT HIT THE TABLE.

-DID NOT.

-REF, I CHALLENGE THE PLAY.

-BUCKINGHAM CHALLENGES THE

PLAY ON THE FIELD.

THIS MATTER WILL NOW BE SETTLED

BY A FREEZE OUT.

-OH, SHIT, MORAN.

-BOTH TEAMS STRIP AND RACE

AROUND THE HOUSE.

THE TEAM THAT GETS BACK FIRST

GETS THE DECISION.

GET OUT OF HERE.

-FASTER, CASTLE.

-YOU CHEATED.

YOU CHEATED.

-STEF?

STEF, WAIT, CAN WE TALK

FOR A SECOND?

-LET'S MAKE THINGS

INTERESTING.

-OK.

-IF YOU BEAT US IN BEER PONG

TONIGHT, YOU CAN TAKE ME UP TO

YOUR ROOM AND DO WHATEVER

YOU WANT WITH ME.

-WELL, I--

WHAT ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND?

-WELL, IF YOU BEAT US, HE'LL

BE PASSED OUT, RIGHT?

-RIGHT.

SHIT, NOW I'VE GOT A SEMI.

-AND SUCKINGHAM WINS.

BMS DRINKS.

-ARE YOU KIDDING ME, MORAN?

YOU LET TYRESE'S GIRLFRIEND

BEAT YOU?

-HIS GIRLFRIEND CHEATS.

-YEAH, SHE DOES.

-THAT'S HALF TIME.

-OK, MARTY, ARE YOU DONE

WITH THE BETTING?

-IS THAT FROM '06?

-YEAH.

I WEAR IT WHEN I PLAY

BMS BECAUSE I KNOW

IT PISSES YOU OFF.

-YOU WEAR IT BECAUSE IT'S

THE ONLY ONE YOU HAVE.

-OH.

-JOHN-JOHN, GET THE BOX.

-MARTY, MARTY--

-GET IT.

HOW ABOUT THIS?

YOU PUT UP YOUR RING, AND I'LL

PUT UP ONE OF MY SIX.

IN FACT, I'LL LET YOU

CHOOSE WHICH ONE.

-HMM, '99.

WE BOTH KNOW MY TEAM WAS BETTER

THAN YOURS THAT YEAR.

-OK, FISHER, YOU

HAVE THE BALLS?

-SAMMY, YOU'VE GOT TO

STOP MESSING WITH

IN THERE, ALL RIGHT?

STEF SAID SHE'D SLEEP WITH

ME IF I WON THE GAME.

-OH, MY GOD, THAT GIRL

IS SETTING YOU UP.

-I THINK SHE'S CHANGED

ALL RIGHT?

BESIDES, I DON'T EVEN CARE.

THIS IS SOMETHING I HAVE

TO DO FOR MYSELF.

-FINE.

YOU WANT TO BE STUPID?

GO AHEAD.

I'M NOT GOING TO GET

IN YOUR WAY.

BUT DON'T CRYING TO ME WHEN THAT

GIRL TELLS EVERYBODY YOU

HAD SEX WITH A COUCH AGAIN.

-WHOA.

SWEET ROOM, BRO.

LOVIN' THE WATER BED.

MINE BROKE LAST YEAR

WHEN I WAS BONING.

-BRO BEANS, I KNOW.

THIS IS MY THIRD MATTRESS.

-HEY, COULD I ASK

YOU SOMETHING?

HOW COME WE NEVER HUNG

OUT BEFORE TONIGHT?

-BECAUSE WE'RE SUPPOSED

TO BE ENEMIES.

-YEAH, BUT WHAT IF WE WEREN'T?

-IF MY TEAM EVER SAW ME BEING

FRIENDS WITH YOU, THEY'D NEVER

BELIEVE IN ME AGAIN.

-SAME HERE, BRO BEANS.

THAT'S WHY WHEN THE WHISTLE

BLOWS WE'VE GOT TO GO BACK TO

BEING ENEMIES.

-TOTALLY.

[WHISTLE BLOWING]

-HALF TIME'S OVER.

-YOU ARE A DEAD MAN, CASTLE.

-SUCK IT, TYRESE.

FUCKINGHAM WILL START THE SECOND

HALF WITH THE BALL.

LET'S GO.

-OK, GENTLEMEN, THE

BETTING IS CLOSED.

-LAST CHANCE TO PULL

OUT, DANIELS.

-I NEVER PULL OUT.

JUST ASK YOUR SISTER.

YEAH.

EAST SHIT, FISHER.

-COACH DANIELS HAS TWO

PAIR, EIGHTS HIGH.

-YES.

YES, AFTER YOU SUCK

MY ASS, DANIELS.

-COACH HAS TWO PAIR,

TENS HIGH.

-HEY, OK.

BOTH TEAMS ARE DOWN TO

THEIR FINAL CUPS.

BUCKINGHAM HAS THE BALL.

-SUCK IT CHEERLEADERS.

-OH, SHE'LL BE SUCKING

IT ALL RIGHT.

-YOU WERE TALKING

ABOUT BLOW JOBS.

-THIS IS IT.

YOU HIT THIS, YOU GET

WHAT YOU WANT.

DON'T SAY I DIDN'T

WARN YOU PAL.

-HOW BAD DO YOU WANT

IT, COUCH?

-LET'S GO, MORAN.

-YEAH, COUCH, STICK IT

IN THE CUP THIS TIME.

TRY NOT TO PUT IT IN THE

COUCH, COUCH, COUCH--

-COUCH, COUCH, COUCH.

-YOU TOLD EVERYBODY?

-WHAT CAN I SAY?

I'M A BAD GIRL.

-OH.

-TIME OUT.

-THAT'S A TIME OUT.

-WE NEED TO TALK, MORAN.

EXCUSE ME, SLOOPS.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, YOU DON'T

LIKE THE NAME COUCH?

-NO.

-MORAN, I'M GOING TO

TELL YOU A STORY

I'VE NEVER TOLD ANYONE.

WHEN I WAS A KID I HAD A LISP.

ONE DAY MY TEACHER ASKED ME HOW

I FELT ABOUT MY DAD GOING

OFF TO WAR.

AND I SAID, "MS. SIMMONS, I'M

REALLY SAD." I MEANT TO SAY

SAD BUT IT CAME OUT THAD.

AFTER THAT ALL THE KIDS STARTED

CALLING ME THAD.

AT FIRST I HATED IT.

EVERY DAY I WAS HUMILIATED.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT

I DECIDED TO DO?

-WHAT?

-I DECIDED TO OWN IT.

I STARTED CALLING MYSELF THAD.

WHY?

BECAUSE SCREW EVERYONE

ELSE, THAT'S WHY.

-DAMN, RIGHT.

-AND THAT DECISION MADE

ME WHO I AM TODAY.

-SO WHAT WAS YOUR REAL NAME?

-KEVIN, BUT DON'T YOU

EVER CALL ME THAT

BECAUSE I AM THAD.

-ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

SO I BANGED A COUCH

IN HIGH SCHOOL.

BIG DEAL.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT FELT GREAT.

AND I CAME.

I ONCE HAD SEX WITH

MY MOTHER'S FUZZY

SLIPPERS, AND I CAME, TOO.

I ONCE STUCK MY PECKER

IN A WET GOPHER HOLE.

LITTLE CRITTER CAME RIGHT UP

AND JUST STARTED GOING--

-OK.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

I THINK WE'VE MADE

OUR POINT, GUYS.

YOU CAN CALL ME WHATEVER YOU

WANT, STEF, BUT I AM OVER IT.

-WHEW!

-SUCK IT SUCKINGHAM.

-WELL, I GUESS YOU JUST LOST.

-THAT WAS THE HOTTEST THING

I'VE EVER SEEN.

-OH, YEAH.

-WHERE'S YOUR ROOM?

-IT'S, UH--

I DON'T HAVE A ROOM.

-WHAT?

-YEAH, I SLEEP ON THE COUCH.

FEELS GOOD.

-I DON'T NEED YOUR FIRST

15 PLAYS TO BEAT YOU.

COME TO PAPA, WHERE

YOU BELONG.

HEY, THIS HAS BEEN FUN,

BUT I'VE GOT A

FOOTBALL GAME TO WIN.

-HEY, THANKS, MARTY.

-I'M NOT GOING TO BE THAT NICE

ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD.

-I'M REALLY PROUD

OF YOU, ALEX.

-YEAH?

-YEAH.

STEPHANIE'S HOT.

ME PERSONALLY, I WOULD

HAVE BANGED HER.

THE POWER'S BACK ON.

BITCH.

-HEY, STEF, UH, JUST OUT OF

CURIOSITY, WERE YOU REALLY

GOING TO SLEEP WITH ME OR WERE

YOU SETTING ME UP AGAIN?

-I WAS REALLY GOING

TO SLEEP WITH YOU.

AND THEN I WAS GOING TO TELL

EVERYONE THAT YOU HAVE A SMALL

DICK TO MESS WITH YOUR

HEAD FOR THE GAME.

LOSER.

-THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

GOOD SEEING YOU.

-HEY, I'LL SEE YOU

ON THE FIELD?

-DOES A WHALE SHIT

IN THE OCEAN?

-NOT IF IT'S AT SEA WORLD.

-HEY, COUCH.

-HUH?

-DON'T HAVE SEX WITH

ANYMORE COUCHES.

-WILL DO.

-OH, MY GOSH.

I JUST GOT WHY THEY CALL YOU

COUCH, BECAUSE YOU HAD SEX

WITH A COUCH.

HEY, EVERYONE, MORAN HAD

SEX WITH A COUCH.

-THANKS, KEVIN.