Original subtitles

-ALEX MORAN, ANOTHER

GREAT GAME TODAY.

WHAT'S IT LIKE TO BE THE NEW

GOLDEN BOY OF BMS FOOTBALL?

-GOLDEN BOY, I LIKE

THE SOUND OF THAT.

IT'S PRETTY GREAT.

AND NOT A LOT TO

COMPLAIN ABOUT.

-I DON'T HAVE A LOT TO COMPLAIN

ABOUT EITHER AS THE GOLDEN BOY.

-THAD, A PRETTY SHAKY

START TO THE SEASON.

THINGS SEEM TO HAVE

TURNED AROUND NOW.

WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE

KEY TO GETTING THIS

TEAM BACK ON TRACK?

-I THINK THE KEY REALLY

LIES IN THE--

-YEAH, WE JUST GOT TIRED

OF LOSING, PHIL.

I MEAN WE JUST DECIDED

WE WANTED TO START

KICKING SOME ASS AGAIN.

IT'S AS SIMPLE AS THAT.

-I DON'T THINK IT'S REALLY

THAT SIMPLE, PHIL.

SEE YOU--

-WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY TO ALL

YOUR FANS OUT THERE, ALEX?

-PARTY AT THE GOAT HOUSE.

BE THERE.

AND YOU TOO, PHIL.

I MEAN I KNOW A COUPLE

OF CHEERLEADERS

WHO WOULD JUST LOVE YOU.

-SO THERE YOU HAVE IT,

FROM THE STAR OF THE

BMS FOOTBALL TEAM.

I GUESS I KNOW WHERE

I'LL BE TONIGHT.

BACK TO YOU AT THE--

-WAIT.

I HAVE SOMETHING SUPER IMPORTANT

TO SAY ALL MY FANS

OUT THERE WATCHING.

BACK TO YOU AT THE STATION.

[WHISTLE]

[ REV THEORY'S "HELL YEAH"

PLAYS ]

CAN YOU FEEL THAT?

YOU BETTER HOLD ON.

THIS ONE'S ABOUT TO GET BUMPY.

♪ GIVE ME A "HELL" ♪

♪ GIVE ME A "YEAH" ♪

♪ HELL, YEAH ♪

♪ STAND UP RIGHT NOW ♪

♪ GIVE ME A "HELL" ♪

♪ GIVE ME A "YEAH" ♪

♪ STAND UP RIGHT NOW ♪

♪ GIVE ME A "HELL" ♪

♪ GIVE ME A "YEAH" ♪

♪ STAND UP RIGHT NOW ♪

-OK, READY LIFT.

-OH, MY GOD.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL

-WHAT IS THAT?

-IT'S CALLED VAJAZZLING.

IT'S LIKE BEDAZZLING BUT

FOR YOUR VAGINA.

IT'S REALLY BIG IN THE

LEZZIE COMMUNITY.

THIS LITTLE SLUT DOESN'T KNOW

I'M ALIVE, SO I VAJAZZLE TO

GET HER ATTENTION.

HOT, RIGHT?

-I WANT IT.

WHERE CAN I GET IT?

-WELL, ACTUALLY I DID IT MY--

-MY BROTHER SAMMY DID IT.

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT SHE

WAS ABOUT TO SAY.

I AM AN AMAZING VAJAZZLER,

RIGHT, MARY JO?

-YEP.

SECRET'S OUT.

SAMMY'S THE BEST VAJAZZLER

ALIVE.

-I WANT TO GO FIRST.

-I'M SECOND.

-OK.

RELAX, EVERYONE'S GOING

TO GET THEIR TURN.

HELLO, GIRLS.

[CROWD CHEERING]

PHIL, PHIL, PHIL.

-YEAH, PHIL.

YEAH.

PHIL, PHIL, PHIL.

HEY, BUDDY COME CHILLAX

WITH ME OVER HERE.

I'M REAL HAPPY ABOUT ALL THE

ATTENTION YOU'VE BEEN GETTING

LATELY, BRO BEANS.

I THINK IT'S A LONG

TIME COMING.

-WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THERE'S

MORE TO THAT STATEMENT?

-BEING A STAR IN THIS

TOWN, NOT EASY.

TRUST ME, I KNOW.

LOOK, I SEE YOU MAKING ROOKIE

MISTAKES, AND I WANT TO HELP.

-OH.

-LET ME SHOW YOU THE WAY.

-ALEX, THERE YOU ARE.

I'D REALLY LOVE TO SEE

WHERE YOU SLEEP.

-OK.

HERE.

YEAH, LET'S GO.

WE'RE UPSTAIRS.

-DON'T BE STUPID, MORAN.

-SO I'M THINKING OF GIVING YOU

AN EAGLE WITH TOPAZ WINGS.

I THINK THE TOPAZ WILL BRING

OUT YOUR THIGHS.

-I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD BE

REALLY EXCITED OR REALLY

DISTURBED BY THIS.

-WELL, GUESS WHICH ONE I AM.

BUSINESS IS A-BOOMING.

-I WAS WONDERING IF WE

COULD USE YOUR CLOSET

FOR A LITTLE BIT.

-MI CLOSET ES SU CLOSET.

-OK,

-SPANISH.

-SO, AS, AS FAR AS CLOSETS

GO, HIS IS REALLY NICE.

IT IS.

-CONDOMS. LET'S SEE THEM.

-EXCUSE ME?

-LET WE SEE THE CONDOM YOU

PLAN ON PUTTING ON MY

QUARTERBACK'S WEENIE.

-SORRY.

OH, MY GOD.

-AH, YES.

-HOLY SHIT.

-JUST PUT A BABY IN ME PLEASE.

-OH, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.

-I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU.

-OH, GOOD.

-WE COULD HAVE A REALLY

GREAT LIFE TOGETHER.

-ZIP IT, PSYCHO.

FIND ANOTHER FAMOUS PERSON'S

LIFE TO RUIN.

GET OUT.

GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.

-JESUS.

-WORLD'S A DANGEROUS

PLACE, MORAN.

-YEAH.

-UNTIL YOU LEARN HOW

TO LIVE IN IT.

-FINE.

WHAT ELSE DO I NEED TO KNOW?

HUH?

-MEET ME AT THE DINER

TOMORROW MORNING.

-ROOM SERVICE.

MMM, I CLEAN YOUR

ROOM FOR YOU.

-HONEY, THIS IS NOT

A GOOD TIME.

I'M TRYING TO GET SOME

STUFF DONE HERE.

-OH, BUT YOU'VE BEEN SUCH

A BUSY, BUSY BOY.

I CLEAN YOUR DESK FOR YOU.

-WE'VE DONE THIS FRENCH MAID

THING LIKE 400 TIMES.

-ALL RIGHT, WELL, DID YOU HAVE

SOMETHING ELSE IN MIND?

HOW ABOUT LOST HIKER

AND GRIZZLY BEAR?

-WE DID THAT IN THE POCONOS.

-STRANDED MERMAID?

-HAWAII 2002.

-OH, NOW YOU'RE KEEPING TRACK?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

WELL, WE NEED TO FIGURE

SOMETHING OUT BECAUSE I KNOW

HOW BORED WE BOTH GET.

ANY IDEAS?

-I'M SORRY, WHAT DID YOU SAY?

I WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION.

YEAH, EXACTLY.

-WHAT'S UP?

-WHAT'S UP IS YOU JUST BROKE

TWO RULES OF BEING FAMOUS

WALKING IN HERE, AND YOU

DON'T EVEN KNOW IT.

-LIKE WHAT?

-NUMBER ONE, YOU SHOWED UP ON

TIME, NUMBER TWO, YOU DIDN'T

ANNOUNCE YOURSELF WHEN

YOU WALKED IN.

HOW ELSE ARE PEOPLE GOING TO

KNOW TO APPLAUD YOU IF THEY

DON'T KNOW YOU'RE HERE?

-ARE YOU GUYS READY TO ORDER?

-HEY, SWEET TITS, I'LL HAVE

THE THAD CASTLE SANDWICH,

EXTRA MAYO.

-SWEET TITS, THAT'S

A GOOD ONE.

AND FOR YOU, ALEX?

-HE'LL HAVE NOTHING.

THANKS, SWEET TITS.

PEOPLE LIKE NICKNAMES.

-WHAT THE HELL?

I'M STARVING, MAN.

-RULE NUMBER FOUR, REFUSE TO

ORDER A SANDWICH UNLESS IT'S

NAMED AFTER YOU.

RULE NUMBER FIVE, STARS

EAT FOR FREE.

FOLLOW MY LEAD.

HEY, CHIEF, HOW'S THAT

SANDWICH TASTING.

-IT'S DELICIOUS.

-GOOD.

-WHAT ARE--

-DIG IN BRO BEANS.

-I THINK I'LL PASS.

-HEY, TONY, YOUR AU JUS

NEEDS MORE SALT.

-HEY, GUYS, MIND SIGNING

MY KIDS' SHIRTS?

-YEAH, SURE THING.

-NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT.

LESSON NUMBER SIX, MORAN,

NEVER SIGN ANYTHING.

PEOPLE DON'T WANT

YOUR AUTOGRAPH.

THEY JUST WANT SOMETHING

THEY CAN SELL.

-SHE'S 10.

-I DON'T CARE HOW OLD SHE IS.

WOMEN ARE DANGEROUS.

-YES, I WILL.

-NO, NO.

NO, DON'T.

DON'T

-THANKS.

HERE, THIS IS FOR YOU.

-OH, THANK YOU.

THAT'S GREAT.

I LOVE IT.

-WALK WITH ME.

-WHAT ARE YOU DOING, THAD?

THAT'S A TIP JAR.

-I'M NOT DOING THIS

FOR ME, MORAN.

I'M DOING THIS FOR YOU.

AS FOR YOU SWEET TITS, IF

YOU'RE SMART YOU'LL PAY

ATTENTION BECAUSE THIS

IS YOUR TRAINING DAY.

THAD CASTLE IS LEAVING

THE DINER.

[APPLAUSE]

-AH SMELL THAT AIR, MORAN.

IT'S A GREAT DAY TO BE FAMOUS.

-CAN WE HURRY THE LESSONS

UP PLEASE?

-PATIENCE, MY YOUNG

APPRENTICE.

-STOP CALLING ME APPRENTICE.

-LESSON 15, MORAN, SOME COPS IN

THIS TOWN WILL DO ANYTHING

FOR FOOTBALL STARS.

-WHY?

-BECAUSE THEY WANT TO

HANG OUT WITH US.

REALLY APPRECIATE YOU LETTING US

DO THIS AGAIN, THERE BILLY.

MORAN WAS REALLY JONESING

FOR A HIT OF NITROUS.

-ANYTIME, MAN.

SO YOU WANT TO HANG THIS

WEEKEND OR SOMETHING?

-AH, GOT A GAME, MAN, I CAN'T.

BUT I DO HAVE A COUPLE SPEEDING

TICKETS I NEED TAKEN CARE OF?

-YEAH, SURE THING, THAD.

AND WE COULD HANG

MAYBE MID-WEEK?

-NO, I GOT A COUPLE TESTS

AND WHATEVER.

UH, YOU HAVE ANY TICKETS

OR WARRANTS YOU

NEED TAKEN CARE OF?

-I GOT A DRUNK AND DISORDERLY.

-NOT ANY MORE YOU DON'T.

-REALLY?

-CONSIDER IT TAKEN CARE OF.

-THANKS, MAN.

-NO PROBLEM.

HEY, YOU WANT TO TRY MY GUN?

-YEAH, SURE.

-WE REALLY GOT TO GET

GOING, MAN, BUT THANKS

AGAIN FOR THE NITROUS.

-YOU TAKE CARE, MR. CASTLE, AND,

UH, DON'T BE A STRANGER.

YOU, TOO, MR. MORAN.

-YEAH, WE'LL HANG SOON.

-UH, PROBABLY NOT.

SEE YOU AROUND BRO BEANS.

-WHAT?

-THIS VAJAZZLING STUFF

IS AMAZING.

EVERY TIME I BEND OVER IN A

SKIRT I'M ATTRACTING A WHOLE

NEW ECHELON OF GUYS.

-WELL, THERE'S PLENTY MORE

WHERE THAT CAME FROM.

I JUST BOUGHT SOME

GOOGLY EYES.

I'M STARTING TO THINK OUTSIDE

THE BOX, PUN INTENDED.

-SHE'S HERE.

-COACH'S WIFE?

-SHE'S THE WHOLE REASON I GOT

VAJAZZLED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

SHE CAME HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

BY ALEX.

OK.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

OOPSY.

I'M SO CLUMSY.

-I'LL PICK IT UP.

-OH, MY GOD.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

-IT'S VAJAZZLING.

-I WANT IT.

-THAT'S FUNNY.

I HAPPEN TO BE A WORLD

CLASS VAJAZZLER.

[LOW VOICE] -YOU KNOW, THAT COP

THING IS THE FIRST USEFUL

THING YOU TAUGHT ME ALL DAY.

HE WAS GOING TO HAND

ME HIS GUN.

-I KNOW, RIGHT?

[LAUGHING]

-SO WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?

LET ME GUESS.

FREE PILLS.

-I'M SORRY TO KEEP YOU

WAITING, MR. MORAN.

-PRESENT.

-RIGHT, WELL, I'M DR. RYAN, AND

I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT THIS

IS A SAFE AND SIMPLE

PROCEDURE.

-WHAT, WHAT PROCEDURE?

-WELL, THAD HERE TELLS ME YOU'RE

INTERESTED IN GETTING

A UH, VASECTOMY?

-REALLY?

-I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE

SO UPSET, MORAN.

VASECTOMIES ARE A NECESSARY

EVIL IN THE WORLD OF

SUPERSTARDOM.

I GOT MINE STRAIGHT OUT

OF HIGH SCHOOL.

-I'M NOT GETTING A VASECTOMY.

-THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH MORE MONEY

ANTONIO CROMARTIE WOULD

HAVE IF HE WOULD HAVE GOT HIS

BALLS SNIPPED STRAIGHT OUT OF

HIGH SCHOOL.

-COULD YOU JUST TAKE

ME HOME, RIGHT NOW.

PLEASE, I'M DONE WITH THIS.

-ALL RIGHT.

TAKE A CHILL PILL.

WE JUST HAVE ONE MORE

STOP TO MAKE.

-HMM, I MEAN YOU KNOW WHAT?

I KNOW HIM TOO WELL.

HE GETS BORED EASILY.

AND BUT SO DO I. YOU

KNOW, IT'S FUNNY.

GUYS ALWAYS THINK THEY'RE THE

ONLY ONES WHO STRUGGLE WITH

BEING FAITHFUL, BUT

WE DO, TOO.

-SOMETIMES ALL IT TAKES IS A

GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY RIGHT IN

FRONT OF YOU.

-OR AN OPPORTUNITY

WITH A PULSE.

LAST TIME HE CHEATED WE'D BEEN

BUSY, NEGLECTED OUR SEX LIFE.

I MEAN HE NEEDS TO BE EXCITED.

-WELL, HE'LL DEFINITELY

BE EXCITED BY THIS.

-IT'S AMAZING.

-IT'S A GOAL POST. I THOUGHT

HE'D APPRECIATE THE METAPHOR.

-OH, MY GOD, IF THERE'S ANYTHING

I CAN DO TO THANK

YOU, PLEASE LET ME KNOW.

-WELL, NOW THAT YOU MENTION

IT, THERE IS ONE THING.

-THIS IS AWESOME.

-THE GUY WHO RUNS THIS

PLACE IS SUPREMELY

IMPORTANT TO YOUR NEW LIFE.

HE CAN GET YOU ANYTHING YOU

WANT WHENEVER YOU WANT IT.

-I LIKE THAT.

-WOW, ALEX MORAN, WELCOME.

-NICE TO MEET YOU.

-YEAH, I'M FINN.

-WHOA, HEY.

-YOU NEED A DRINK.

-SURE.

-LADIES, HURRY UP, HURRY UP.

LADIES, THIS IS ALEX MORAN.

ALEX, THESE ARE MY

CANDY GIRLS.

THEY GOT ALL THE

CANDY YOU WANT,

DRUGS, BLOW JOBS, WAFFLES.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

YOU FEELING ME, HUH?

YOU GETTING ME?

-ABSOLUTELY

-AND THIS IS FOR YOU, MY MAN.

-OH, THANKS, FINN.

-HEY, WHAT'S WITH THE MONEY?

-FINN PAYS ME TO MAKE

APPEARANCES AT HIS CLUB, YOU

KNOW, TO DRUM UP PUBLICITY

AND STUFF.

-OH.

-HE'D PAY YOU, TOO, IF

YOU COME HERE ENOUGH.

-OH, OH, I'M GOING TO BE

COMING HERE A LOT.

-ALL RIGHT, WELL, I'M GOING TO

HIT THE OLD PEE-PEE CLOSET.

BOND BROS, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

-OK.

-IN HERE ALL THE START OF BMS

GET SPECIAL TREATMENT, VIP

BABY, ALL THE WAY.

-OH, OK.

YEAH.

-HEY, CHECK IT OUT.

-COACH?

-LISTEN, MY OFFICE

IS IN THE BACK.

I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU AROUND.

COME ON.

-OK, YEAH.

THANKS, MAN, I MEAN

FOR EVERYTHING.

THIS IS, THIS IS AWESOME.

-NO PROBLEM.

YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND NOW,

A SPECIAL FRIEND.

-YEAH.

-ALL RIGHT.

-SORRY WE'RE LATE.

-NO, NO WORRIES.

COME ON, COME ON IN.

LET'S GO.

ALEX, THESE ARE THE ACTORS

YOU'LL BE WORKING WITH.

-GREAT TO MEET YOU.

BIG FAN, HUGE.

-WORKING ON WHAT?

-A SEXY TAPE.

-A SEXY WHAT?

-WHEN FINN TOLD ME I WAS GOING

TO WORK WITH ALEX MORAN, I

SPLOOGED IN MY PANTS,

LITERALLY.

-YOU'VE GOT NOTHING

TO WORRY ABOUT.

THIS IS GOING TO BE FIRST

CLASS ALL THE WAY, BABY.

GOLDEN BOY ALEX MORAN AND

ANOTHER TEAMMATE DOUBLE

TEAMING A CHEERLEADER

ON THE COACH'S DESK.

CAN YOU SAY VIRUS?

-VIRAL.

IT'S VIRAL, FINN.

-WHY DON'T YOU WORRY

ABOUT STAYING HARD

IN THE SCENE, RICKY?

-I'M GOING TO GO, YOU KNOW?

HEY, THANKS FOR THE BEER

AND EVERYTHING.

IT'S BEEN--

-WELL, I DON'T THINK

SO, MORAN.

I PAID YOUR FRIEND THAD $1,000

FOR YOU, AND HE SAID YOU'D BE

COOL WITH IT.

-HE SAID YOU PAID HIM FOR

AN APPEARANCE HERE.

HE'S GOING TO COME OUT

OF THE BATHROOM.

HE'S GOING TO GIVE YOU ALL

THE MONEY BACK, OK?

IT'S GOING TO BE FINE.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

-LESSON 54, MORAN, DON'T

EVER TALK OVER ME IN

AN INTERVIEW AGAIN.

-HOLY SHIT.

-LIKE THIS, FINN?

-THE KEY TO MAKING A GOOD

SEXY TAPE, MORAN, IS TO

HAVE FUN WITH IT.

-HEY, FINN, THERE'S GOT TO BE

SOMETHING ELSE I CAN DO.

YOU KNOW, ANYTHING.

I MEAN I'LL, I'LL DOUBLE

YOUR MONEY.

-STOP FIGHTING IT, AND

ENJOY YOURSELF.

OK, AND CAMERA'S ROLLING.

BE A STAR.

-HEY, HEY, HEY, HOLD IT.

CUT.

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

-WHAT THIS?

A LITTLE GIRL GAVE IT TO ME

AT A DINER THIS MORNING.

-MY NIECE MAKES THESE

BRACELETS.

-OH, WELL IT MUST HAVE

BEEN HER THEN.

I MEAN, I SIGNED HER JERSEY AND

SHE GAVE ME THIS BRACELET,

SORT OF LIKE A THANK YOU.

-YOU BETTER NOT BE LYING TO ME,

OR I SWEAR TO GOD YOU'LL DIE.

-I'M, I'M NOT LYING.

IT--

-HEY, IT'S UNCLE FINN.

HEY, YEAH, PUT MAYA

ON THE PHONE.

HEY, MAYA, DID YOU GIVE OUT ANY

BRACELETS THIS MORNING?

-MM-HMM.

-OH, HE DIDN'T?

-OH, I DID.

-YEAH, GOOD GIRL.

YEAH, LOVE YOU, TOO.

MAYA SAYS YOU'RE TELLING

THE TRUTH.

-OH, GOOD.

-SHE ALSO SAID YOUR FRIEND

THAD REFUSED TO SIGN HER

BROTHER'S JERSEY.

IS THIS TRUE?

-YES, HE APPARENTLY ONLY LIKES

TO SIGN TITTIES, SO--

-WELL, A MAN THAT'S SHOWN THIS

MUCH KINDNESS TO MY FAMILY I

CANNOT FORCE TO MAKE

A SEXY TAPE.

YOU'RE FREE TO GO.

-HEY, ALL RIGHT.

THANKS.

-HEY, I'M GOING TO GO

OVER HERE, FINN.

WE'VE GOT THE LIGHTS.

WE'VE GOT THE GIRL.

I'M HARD AS A ROCK.

-FINN, UM, I'LL MAKE

IT UP TO YOU.

ALL RIGHT?

I'LL HELP YOU GET

THAT SEXY TAPE.

MARK MY WORDS.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ALEX MORAN

HAS ENTERED THE DINER.

[APPLAUSE]

-SMILE.

-SO DID YOU LEARN YOUR

LESSON, MORAN?

-LESSON?

OH, THAT THING AT THE CLUB.

YEAH, THAT WAS FINE.

YEAH, SO, FINN DIDN'T WANT ME TO

SAY ANYTHING, BUT HE'S GOT

THIS CHECKLIST OF THINGS HE

WANTS TO DO BEFORE HE DIES.

AND APPARENTLY MAKING A SEXY

TAPE WITH THE GOLDEN BOY OF

BMS FOOTBALL WAS ON

THAT LIST.

-SHUT UP.

HE DID NOT CALL YOU THE FREAKING

GOLDEN BOY OF BMS.

-HI, ALEX.

-HI.

-HI, IS THERE ANYTHING

I CAN GET YOU?

-YEAH, LET ME GET, UH, A

ALEX MORAN SANDWICH.

HOLD THE MAYO, PLEASE.

-YOU PUT MY NAME BACK

ON THAT MENU.

-OH, SORRY, SWEET TITS,

TIMES ARE CHANGING.

AND THIS IS FOR YOU.

IT'S YOUR TAB FOR THE

LAST THREE YEARS.

TONY'S EXPECTING PAYMENT

BY THE END OF THE WEEK.

-ALEX, I'M REALLY SORRY TO

BOTHER YOU, BUT I WOULD LOVE

FOR YOU TO EAT THE REST

OF MY SANDWICH.

-OH, THANK YOU.

-WHAT IS HAPPENING?

FINE.

I'LL SIGN YOUR STUPID SON'S

THAD CASTLE JERSEY, GOSH.

-HEY, COULD YOU TELL TONY

THE AU JUST IS PERFECT.

THANKS FOR ADDING

THE SEA SALT.

-NO, DON'T.

DO NOT TELL HIM THAT.

I'M THE STAR OF BMS FOOTBALL.

I DEMAND RESPECT.

-OH, HOW SAD.

HE CAN'T LET GO KIDS.

-SHUT UP.

SHUT UP.

I HATE YOU ALL.

THAD CASTLE IS LEAVING

THE DINER.

I'M LEAVING NOW.

-AWW.

[LAUGHING]

-THANK YOU.

THAT WAS PERFECT, GUYS.

AND THAT'S WHAT THE BASTARD

GETS FOR STEALING MY TIPS.

-EXCUSE ME.

-WHAT'S HAPPENING?

-HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?

-YOUR BROTHER SAYS HE'S RETIRED

FROM VAJAZZLING.

I HAVE A THREE-HEADED

DRAGON DOWN THERE.

IT REQUIRES SERIOUS

MAINTENANCE.

-WHAT'S GOING ON?

-THEY'RE ANIMALS, MARY JO.

I CAN'T LOOK AT ANOTHER

VAGINA.

I DON'T EVEN GET BONERS ANYMORE

WHEN I LOOK AT ONE.

-WOW.

-NOW I KNOW HOW GYNECOLOGISTS

MUST FEEL.

-WELL, IT WAS FUN

WHILE IT LASTED.

AND AT LEAST ONE OF US

GOT WHAT THEY WANTED.

-OH, MY GOD.

IT'S, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

ALL RIGHT, I WANT TO FINISH

THIS WEEK STRONG.

[COUGHING]

I WANT 100% OUT OF

EVERYBODY THAT--

[COUGHING]

-YOU ALL RIGHT, COACH?

-BYE, SWEETHEART.

I'LL SEE YOU AT HOME.

-YOU BET YOU WILL.

-HEY, WHERE'S THAD?

-OH, HE HAD SOMETHING MORE

IMPORTANT TO ATTEND TO.

-WELL, WELL, WELL, LOOK WHO IT

IS ON COACH DANIEL'S DESK, A

TEAMMATE AND A CHEERLEADER.

-KEEP GOING.

KEEP GOING.

-OH.

-THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

-TELL ME I'M A STAR.

TELL ME I'M A STAR!

-YOU'RE A STAR, MAN, RELAX.

-AND ACTION.

♪♪