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1
00:00:01,827 --> 00:00:04,526
DO YOU KNOW I HAVE
A YELLOW BELT IN THREE
DIFFERENT MARTIAL ARTS?
2
00:00:04,569 --> 00:00:06,789
IT'S TRUE.
I'D SHOW YOU, BUT I
DON'T WANT TO KILL YOU.
3
00:00:09,705 --> 00:00:12,142
- DRINK DRINK DRINK DRINK!
4
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:19,845
HEY HEY, WHOSE PHONE IS THAT?
CUT THE MUSIC, DONNIE.
5
00:00:23,936 --> 00:00:26,069
I'M GONNA CLOSE MY EYES
AND COUNT TO THREE
6
00:00:26,113 --> 00:00:30,595
AND WHEN I OPEN THEM,
SOMEBODY WILL BE
ANSWERING THEIR PHONE!
7
00:00:30,639 --> 00:00:33,076
- DRINK DRINK
DRINK DRINK DRINK--
8
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,774
IT'S COMING FROM IN HERE.
9
00:00:35,818 --> 00:00:39,082
Machine:
Whassup? You've reached
the Goat House.
10
00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:41,345
We can't make it
to the phone right now
11
00:00:41,389 --> 00:00:44,392
- because we're probably
partying super hard...
- UH... NOPE.
12
00:00:44,435 --> 00:00:46,350
- ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE.
- IT'S HERE.
13
00:00:46,394 --> 00:00:49,397
- CHECK--
CHECK THE REFRIGERATOR.
- We'll get back to you ASAP.
14
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:52,791
BMS, party on!
15
00:00:52,835 --> 00:00:55,664
- WHAT THE HELL IS IT?
- IT'S AN ANSWERING MACHINE.
16
00:00:55,707 --> 00:00:58,623
- Woman: Hey, it's me.
17
00:00:58,667 --> 00:01:00,799
This is awkward, but...
18
00:01:00,843 --> 00:01:02,453
I'm pregnant.
19
00:01:02,497 --> 00:01:05,021
So we need
to figure this out.
20
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,632
I'm keeping it
and I have expectations.
21
00:01:07,676 --> 00:01:09,808
Call me back.
22
00:01:13,551 --> 00:01:16,598
- Man: CAN YOU FEEL THAT?
23
00:01:19,949 --> 00:01:23,344
YOU BETTER HOLD ON.
THIS ONE'S ABOUT TO GET BUMPY.
24
00:01:24,780 --> 00:01:27,478
♪ GIVE ME A HELL,
GIVE ME A YEAH ♪
25
00:01:27,522 --> 00:01:28,827
♪ HELL YEAH
26
00:01:28,871 --> 00:01:30,612
♪ STAND UP RIGHT NOW
27
00:01:30,655 --> 00:01:33,441
♪ GIVE ME A HELL,
GIVE ME A YEAH ♪
28
00:01:33,484 --> 00:01:36,313
♪ STAND UP RIGHT NOW,
RIGHT NOW ♪
29
00:01:36,357 --> 00:01:39,838
♪ GIVE ME A HELL,
GIVE ME A YEAH ♪
30
00:01:39,882 --> 00:01:42,058
♪ STAND UP RIGHT NOW.
31
00:01:44,887 --> 00:01:47,455
- Cheerleader: COME ON, GIRLS.
- DADDY, DADDY!
32
00:01:47,498 --> 00:01:52,242
HEY!
HEY HEY HEY HEY.
33
00:01:52,286 --> 00:01:54,244
- HEY, I GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU.
- WHAT IS IT?
34
00:01:54,288 --> 00:01:58,074
- THIS!
- JON JON, GET HIM
OFF THE FIELD.
35
00:02:00,685 --> 00:02:02,513
GO BACK TO MOMMY.
36
00:02:04,515 --> 00:02:06,996
- YOU KNOW I SAW JOE
THE OTHER DAY.
- JOE WHO?
37
00:02:08,389 --> 00:02:10,173
- JOE YOUR SON.
- REALLY?
38
00:02:10,217 --> 00:02:12,567
- CONGRATULATIONS.
- HE'S STILL BARTENDING.
39
00:02:12,610 --> 00:02:15,222
HEY, MAYBE YOU SHOULD INVITE HIM
TO THE FIELD SOMETIME.
40
00:02:15,265 --> 00:02:17,789
HE WOULDN'T COME.
41
00:02:22,229 --> 00:02:24,318
WE'RE NOT GETTING
ANY YOUNGER, MARTY.
42
00:02:24,361 --> 00:02:26,885
WILL YOU START
THE FRIGGING PRACTICE?
43
00:02:26,929 --> 00:02:28,452
Radon: DUDE, WHY WOULD YOU USE CONDOMS?
44
00:02:28,496 --> 00:02:30,759
THAT'S THE STUPIDEST THING
I EVER HEARD OF IN MY LIFE.
45
00:02:30,802 --> 00:02:33,065
- ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?
46
00:02:33,109 --> 00:02:34,980
THIS WOMAN, WHOEVER SHE IS,
47
00:02:35,024 --> 00:02:36,591
IS OBVIOUSLY
TRYING TO TRAP ME.
48
00:02:36,634 --> 00:02:38,767
SHE KNOWS I'LL BE MAKING
BILLIONS NEXT YEAR WHEN I GO PRO
49
00:02:38,810 --> 00:02:40,464
- AND SHE'S JUST
LOOKING TO CASH IN.
- MAN, WHATEVER, MAN.
50
00:02:40,508 --> 00:02:43,467
THAT MESSAGE WAS FOR ME.
EVERY SUCCESSFUL ATHLETE
51
00:02:43,511 --> 00:02:46,035
GOT A BABY MAMA.
SHAWN KEMP, BABY MAMA.
52
00:02:46,078 --> 00:02:49,256
HOLYFIELD, BABY MAMA.
HELL, EVEN TOM BRADY
GOT A BABY MAMA.
53
00:02:49,299 --> 00:02:52,084
- MAN, THAT BABY MY DESTINY.
- SHE CALLED THE GOAT HOUSE.
54
00:02:52,128 --> 00:02:53,608
I LIVE THERE.
YOU DON'T.
55
00:02:53,651 --> 00:02:56,001
I KNOW IT'S NOT MINE.
I USE CONDOMS.
56
00:02:56,045 --> 00:02:59,483
AND SINCE NOBODY ELSE ON THIS
TEAM DOES, I'D SAY THE ODDS
ARE IN MY FAVOR.
57
00:02:59,527 --> 00:03:01,050
CONDOMS ARE
FOR BANANAS.
58
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,666
- HEY, SAMMY.
- OH HEY.
59
00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:10,973
- HOW'S IT GOING?
60
00:03:11,016 --> 00:03:13,410
I WILL SEE YOU
LATER, BABY, OKAY?
61
00:03:13,454 --> 00:03:15,369
- YOU BET YOU WILL.
- YEAH?
62
00:03:16,587 --> 00:03:18,676
OH, WHO'S THAT?
THAT'S MY NEW GIRLFRIEND.
63
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:21,679
DOES SHE GIVE GOOD SLOW BLOWS?
YES, SHE DOES.
64
00:03:21,723 --> 00:03:24,160
- WAY TOO HOT FOR ME, RIGHT?
- ABSOLUTELY. DEFINITELY.
65
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,771
- I KNOW. CRAZY.
- SLOW BLOWS? I NEVER
HEARD OF THOSE.
66
00:03:26,815 --> 00:03:29,252
YEAH, NEITHER DID I,
BUT, MAN, WERE WE MISSING OUT.
67
00:03:29,296 --> 00:03:33,256
MAN, I'D PAY $500 JUST
TO GET A PICTURE OF THOSE
GIRLS IN THE SHOWER.
68
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:35,606
WELL, BAM!
CHECK THIS OUT, LOOK AT THIS.
69
00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:37,129
- POSTGAME, PREGAME...
- NO WAY!
70
00:03:37,173 --> 00:03:39,001
- LOOK AT THIS.
- THAT'S YOUR--
71
00:03:39,044 --> 00:03:41,873
- ISN'T THAT YOUR SISTER?
- YEAH, SHE WALKED INTO
MY SHOT ACCIDENTALLY.
72
00:03:41,917 --> 00:03:44,180
- AND THAT ONE--
SHE WALKED IN ON THAT ONE.
- THAT'S YOUR SISTER.
73
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,138
- THAT'S HER TOO.
- SHE WALKED IN ON THAT ONE TOO.
74
00:03:46,182 --> 00:03:48,271
- SHE WALKED IN--
SHE KEEPS WALKING IN.
- THAT'S KINDA WEIRD, MAN.
75
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:54,973
OKAY, HERE'S THE LIST OF
ALL THE SLOOTS I'VE BONED
IN THE LAST NINE MONTHS.
76
00:03:57,019 --> 00:03:59,195
NOW I'VE RUN OUT OF CHALK,
SO LET'S START BY
77
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,589
SEEKING OUT THE GIRLS
IN THE VENGEFUL CATEGORY.
78
00:04:01,632 --> 00:04:05,245
DURING INTERROGATIONS,
DO NOT LET THEM FOOL YOU.
79
00:04:05,288 --> 00:04:09,292
THEY MAY SEEM HARMLESS, BUT SOME
WOMEN WILL BE VERY VERY SMART...
80
00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:11,207
I'M GONNA MAKE
A GREAT FATHER.
81
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:14,297
A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THIS,
BUT I'M A GREAT LISTENER.
82
00:04:14,341 --> 00:04:18,127
I ONLY DO IT IN THE BUTT
'CAUSE THEN GIRLS CAN'T
GET PREGNANT THAT WAY.
83
00:04:18,170 --> 00:04:19,607
- RIGHT?
- YEAH.
84
00:04:19,650 --> 00:04:22,131
- ARE YOU WRITING DOWN
BABY NAMES TOO?
- NO NO NO.
85
00:04:22,174 --> 00:04:24,307
I'M GONNA TAKE A VICTORY LAP.
I'M GOING TO STOP BY,
86
00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:27,484
SAY HI TO ALL THE GIRLS
I'VE EVER SLEPT WITH THE WHOLE
TIME I'VE BEEN HERE.
87
00:04:27,528 --> 00:04:29,617
IT'S KIND OF A GOOD WAY
TO RECONNECT.
88
00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:31,271
- WHAT'S THE NUMBERS FOR?
- FOR THE RANKINGS.
89
00:04:31,314 --> 00:04:33,882
- DAMN, THAT'S A GREAT SYSTEM.
- ISN'T THAT GREAT?
90
00:04:33,925 --> 00:04:35,884
MY SYSTEM IS
I JUST ASK EVERYBODY.
91
00:04:35,927 --> 00:04:38,452
- THAT'S GOOD.
- HEY, WHAT'S UP, GIRL?
92
00:04:38,495 --> 00:04:40,628
- YOU PREGNANT?
- NO!
93
00:04:40,671 --> 00:04:42,760
AND THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT
THE BUDDY SYSTEM.
94
00:04:42,804 --> 00:04:45,154
OKAY, LET'S GET OUT THERE
AND FIND THOSE SLOOTS.
95
00:04:45,197 --> 00:04:46,198
LET'S GO, LET'S GO,
LET'S GO.
96
00:04:52,901 --> 00:04:54,946
♪ Listen, I know
you'll feel it ♪
97
00:04:54,990 --> 00:04:56,818
♪ As long as I love
98
00:04:56,861 --> 00:04:58,950
♪ Listen, I know
you'll feel it... ♪
99
00:04:58,994 --> 00:05:02,389
- HI, HANDSOME.
- ♪ Listen, I know
you'll feel it ♪
100
00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:04,652
- ♪ As long as I love...
- HELLO HELLO HELLO.
101
00:05:04,695 --> 00:05:07,437
- ♪ Listen, I know
you'll feel it... ♪
- HI.
102
00:05:07,481 --> 00:05:11,049
♪ Listen, I know
you'll feel it ♪
103
00:05:11,093 --> 00:05:13,008
- ♪ As long as I love...
- HEY, JOE!
104
00:05:13,051 --> 00:05:15,184
JOE!
105
00:05:15,227 --> 00:05:18,100
- HOW ARE YOU DOING?
- STILL BEING SUPER GAY, DAD.
106
00:05:18,143 --> 00:05:20,145
- THANKS FOR ASKING.
- THAT'S GOOD.
107
00:05:20,189 --> 00:05:22,800
HEY, I WANT YOU TO COME
BY THE FIELD THIS WEEK.
108
00:05:22,844 --> 00:05:26,804
MAYBE WE CAN JUST SPEND
SOME TIME, LIKE BACK
IN THE OLD DAYS.
109
00:05:26,848 --> 00:05:29,546
- WHY, ARE YOU DYING?
- NO NO.
110
00:05:30,547 --> 00:05:31,983
CAN WE GO TALK
SOMEPLACE ELSE?
111
00:05:32,027 --> 00:05:33,942
WHY, IS SOMETHING
BOTHERING YOU?
112
00:05:33,985 --> 00:05:36,379
THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND,
BY THE WAY-- DEMITRI.
113
00:05:36,423 --> 00:05:38,512
- HELLO.
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
114
00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:41,341
- THIS WAS A MISTAKE.
- YEAH, IT WAS.
115
00:05:42,472 --> 00:05:44,431
WHAT DID YOU WANT
TO TALK ABOUT ANYWAY?
116
00:05:44,474 --> 00:05:48,696
CHEATING ON OUR WIVES?
PUTTING A FOOTBALL TEAM
BEFORE OUR OWN FAMILIES?
117
00:05:48,739 --> 00:05:51,699
- DRINKING BUDWEISERS?
- I DON'T DRINK BUDWEISERS.
118
00:05:51,742 --> 00:05:56,094
MARTY DANIELS, EVERYBODY!
HE'S A SHITTY DAD,
BUT WHAT A COACH.
119
00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:06,278
COME ON, GIVE ME A SHOT.
OKAY, GO.
120
00:06:14,809 --> 00:06:18,116
MAN, OH, I FORGOT HOW GOOD
HARD LIQUOR TASTES.
121
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,858
YOU KNOW, I USED TO DRINK IT
ALL THE TIME, BUT--
122
00:06:20,902 --> 00:06:24,296
IT MADE MY KINDA CRAZY,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
123
00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:28,388
I THINK I DO!
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE POUND
ONE MORE BEER...
124
00:06:28,431 --> 00:06:30,999
- ALL RIGHT.
- ...THEN YOU GIVE ME ONE
OF YOUR FAMOUS SLOW BLOWS.
125
00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:33,654
AS YOU WISH.
126
00:06:33,697 --> 00:06:36,047
AWESOME!
127
00:06:36,091 --> 00:06:38,746
MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE
HOW MUCH FUN WE HAVE TOGETHER.
128
00:06:46,971 --> 00:06:49,452
- YOU'RE SURPRISED THAT I'M FUN?
- OH NO, IT'S AN EXPRESSION.
129
00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:51,411
WHAT, NORMALLY
I BORE YOU?
130
00:06:51,454 --> 00:06:54,979
AM I NOT--
NOT GOOD ENOUGH
FOR YOU, HMM?
131
00:06:55,023 --> 00:06:56,677
NO NO NO NO.
NO NO NO, OKAY OKAY.
132
00:06:56,720 --> 00:07:00,158
YOU KNOW WHAT?
LET'S JUST FORGET
I SAID ANYTHING
133
00:07:00,202 --> 00:07:01,899
AND WE GET TO THE SLOW BLOW?
134
00:07:01,943 --> 00:07:04,249
SLOW BLOW, YEAH,
ALL RIGHT, YEAH SURE.
135
00:07:04,293 --> 00:07:06,469
THAT SOUNDS GREAT.
136
00:07:06,513 --> 00:07:08,863
HOW ABOUT THIS
FOR A SLOW BLOW?
137
00:07:17,219 --> 00:07:19,482
- WHAT DO YOU WANT?
- MY NAME IS THAD CASTLE.
138
00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:22,311
WE BONED RECENTLY
AND I WANT TO MAKE SURE
YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT.
139
00:07:22,354 --> 00:07:25,314
READ THIS ALOUD, POR FAVOR.
140
00:07:25,357 --> 00:07:28,665
"HEY, IT'S ME.
THIS IS AWKWARD,
BUT I'M PREGNANT"?
141
00:07:28,709 --> 00:07:31,363
THAT'S GREAT!
NOW TRY IT IN YOUR REAL VOICE.
142
00:07:31,407 --> 00:07:33,104
♪ SLEEP WITH YOU...
143
00:07:33,148 --> 00:07:35,846
- ♪ WHY CAN'T I
SLEEP WITH YOU? ♪
144
00:07:35,890 --> 00:07:38,806
♪ I'D LIKE
TO BE WITH YOU... ♪
145
00:07:38,849 --> 00:07:40,024
- HI.
- ALEX?
146
00:07:40,068 --> 00:07:42,462
DARLENE, I WAS IN THE AREA
147
00:07:42,505 --> 00:07:44,638
AND I JUST WANTED
TO STOP BY AND SAY HELLO.
148
00:07:44,681 --> 00:07:47,249
- HELLO.
- YOU AREN'T PREGNANT
BY ANY CHANCE, ARE YOU?
149
00:07:47,292 --> 00:07:48,990
- NO.
- THAT'S GOOD.
THAT'S A GOOD SIGN.
150
00:07:49,033 --> 00:07:50,513
- CAN I COME IN, MAYBE?
- YEAH.
151
00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:53,560
JUST OUT OF THE SHOWER, HUH?
152
00:07:53,603 --> 00:07:56,388
♪ YOU STRUCK A CHORD
WITH ME ♪
153
00:07:56,432 --> 00:07:58,869
♪ AND I'LL COME BACK
AROUND ♪
154
00:07:58,913 --> 00:08:02,046
♪ I'LL COME BACK AROUND,
WE'LL SEE ♪
155
00:08:04,048 --> 00:08:06,703
♪ YOU STRUCK
A CHORD WITH ME ♪
156
00:08:06,747 --> 00:08:09,619
♪ AND I'LL COME BACK
AROUND ♪
157
00:08:09,663 --> 00:08:12,622
♪ I'LL COME BACK
AND SLEEP WITH YOU ♪
158
00:08:12,666 --> 00:08:15,190
♪ WHY CAN'T I
SLEEP WITH YOU? ♪
159
00:08:15,233 --> 00:08:17,671
♪ I'D LIKE
TO BE WITH YOU ♪
160
00:08:17,714 --> 00:08:20,500
♪ IF I COULD BE SO TRUE
161
00:08:20,543 --> 00:08:23,067
♪ SLEEP WITH YOU
162
00:08:23,111 --> 00:08:25,592
♪ WHY CAN'T I
BE WITH YOU? ♪
163
00:08:25,635 --> 00:08:28,464
♪ I'D LIKE TO
SEE IT THROUGH ♪
164
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:31,119
♪ IF I COULD
SLEEP WITH YOU ♪
165
00:08:33,251 --> 00:08:35,689
♪ YOU STRUCK
A CHORD WITH ME ♪
166
00:08:35,732 --> 00:08:38,430
- ♪ I'LL COME BACK AROUND...
- HUH-UH, WAIT, HOLD ON.
167
00:08:38,474 --> 00:08:40,432
I FORGOT TO ASK YOU--
ARE YOU PREGNANT?
168
00:08:40,476 --> 00:08:42,086
- NO.
- OKAY GOOD.
169
00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:43,871
THAT'S GOOD.
THAT'S-- THAT'S FINE.
170
00:08:43,914 --> 00:08:45,786
THAT'S GREAT.
THAT'S GREAT.
171
00:08:48,571 --> 00:08:50,573
SLOW BLOWS?
THEY SOUND AMAZING!
172
00:08:50,617 --> 00:08:54,142
- SOMETIMES I WISH
I HAD A PENIS.
- EXACTLY!
173
00:08:54,185 --> 00:08:56,536
THEY'RE SO GOOD
THEY MAKE GIRLS WISH
THEY HAD PENISES.
174
00:08:56,579 --> 00:08:59,016
SAMMY, CAN YOU
TAKE THE GOAT HEAD OFF?
IT'S CREEPING ME OUT.
175
00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:01,018
EH, I'D RATHER NOT
IF THAT'S OKAY.
THANKS.
176
00:09:01,062 --> 00:09:02,542
OKAY.
177
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:05,980
- WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?
- WHAT?
178
00:09:06,023 --> 00:09:07,677
- IT LOOKS REALLY BAD.
- OKAY, I GET IT.
179
00:09:07,721 --> 00:09:09,636
- YOU HAVE LIKE
A BIG THING THERE.
- I FELL, OKAY?
180
00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:13,553
IT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS
THE SLOW BLOWS.
181
00:09:13,596 --> 00:09:15,424
YOU ARE GUARANTEED SOME
SLOW BLOWS LATER TODAY.
182
00:09:15,467 --> 00:09:17,382
- YEAH.
- KAREN
183
00:09:17,426 --> 00:09:18,949
INVITED US
OUT DRINKING LATER.
184
00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:21,561
- SHE SAYS SHE GETS CRAZY
WHEN SHE DRINKS.
- YEAH,
185
00:09:21,604 --> 00:09:23,911
- CAN WE MAYBE NOT DRINK?
- SAMMY.
186
00:09:23,954 --> 00:09:26,174
- WE'RE DRINKING.
- OKAY.
187
00:09:26,217 --> 00:09:28,350
- SLOW BLOWS.
- SLOW BLOWS.
188
00:09:30,004 --> 00:09:33,573
IT'S NOT GONNA WORK
AGAINST THE 4-3.
189
00:09:33,616 --> 00:09:35,618
- MARTY.
- NO, WE TRIED--
190
00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:37,620
AHEM.
191
00:09:40,231 --> 00:09:41,929
HEY, YOU MADE IT.
192
00:09:41,972 --> 00:09:43,844
UH, DAD, I, UH...
193
00:09:43,887 --> 00:09:47,499
I WANTED TO APOLOGIZE
FOR THE WAY I TREATED YOU
THE OTHER NIGHT.
194
00:09:47,543 --> 00:09:50,807
I WAS ROCKING
A SERIOUS PINOT HANGOVER
195
00:09:50,851 --> 00:09:54,376
AND I WOULD LIKE
TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU.
196
00:09:54,419 --> 00:09:58,598
UH, DEMITRI
MADE US RESERVATIONS AT
A REALLY EXPENSIVE RESTAURANT.
197
00:09:58,641 --> 00:10:00,643
WILL YOU COME?
198
00:10:00,687 --> 00:10:02,602
YOU MEAN RIGHT NOW?
199
00:10:02,645 --> 00:10:04,865
I KNOW--
FOOTBALL PRACTICE.
200
00:10:06,257 --> 00:10:09,609
SURE SURE.
YEAH, I'LL COME.
201
00:10:09,652 --> 00:10:11,611
DAD.
202
00:10:11,654 --> 00:10:13,743
♪ AWKWARD.
203
00:10:14,918 --> 00:10:17,486
LET'S GO.
204
00:10:28,323 --> 00:10:29,846
- ALEX!
- JILL.
205
00:10:29,890 --> 00:10:31,369
HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
206
00:10:31,413 --> 00:10:32,632
HI--
207
00:10:40,161 --> 00:10:43,425
- OH, CHARMING.
- IS THIS MAKING YOU
UNCOMFORTABLE?
208
00:10:43,468 --> 00:10:45,427
NO.
209
00:10:48,604 --> 00:10:51,302
SO, DEMITRI, WHAT IS IT
THAT YOU DO?
210
00:10:51,346 --> 00:10:53,783
WHAT DO I DO?
WHAT A WEIRD QUESTION.
211
00:10:53,827 --> 00:10:56,046
THAT IS A WEIRD QUESTION.
WHO SAYS THAT?
212
00:10:57,787 --> 00:10:59,659
YOU'RE SHITTING ME!
213
00:11:00,747 --> 00:11:02,749
- OH, FOR CHRIST'S SAKES.
- MOM!
214
00:11:02,792 --> 00:11:05,273
YOU MADE IT.
YOU REMEMBER DAD, RIGHT?
215
00:11:05,316 --> 00:11:08,668
OF COURSE YOU PULL THIS SHIT
ON THE DAY I RUN OUT
OF MY XANAX.
216
00:11:08,711 --> 00:11:10,017
OH, I HAVE SOME FOR YOU.
217
00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:11,671
MY DOG HAS A PRESCRIPTION.
218
00:11:13,716 --> 00:11:17,415
TO THE BEST BIG BROTHER
IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.
219
00:11:17,459 --> 00:11:19,113
AND HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND.
220
00:11:19,156 --> 00:11:21,419
AND TO THE BEST BOYFRIEND
IN THE WORLD
221
00:11:21,463 --> 00:11:23,421
- AND HIS SISTER.
- SLOW BLOWS.
222
00:11:23,465 --> 00:11:24,727
SLOW BLOWS!
223
00:11:27,425 --> 00:11:29,776
WHOO, I'M ON FIRE!
224
00:11:29,819 --> 00:11:32,343
- I'M GONNA GO GET US
ANOTHER BOTTLE.
- GOOD IDEA.
225
00:11:32,387 --> 00:11:34,737
I MIGHT HAVE TO THROW UP
A LITTLE BIT FIRST.
226
00:11:34,781 --> 00:11:37,305
MAN, WHAT A GREAT
DAY, HUH?
227
00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:42,745
WHAT IS HAPPENING?
AH AH AH!
228
00:11:42,789 --> 00:11:45,008
YOU SON OF A BITCH!
229
00:11:45,052 --> 00:11:46,880
I CAN SEE THE WAY
YOU'RE LOOKING AT HER.
230
00:11:46,923 --> 00:11:48,838
- SHE'S MY SISTER!
- WHAT IS WITH
231
00:11:48,882 --> 00:11:50,927
ALL THAT "BEST BROTHER
IN THE WORLD" BULLSHIT?
232
00:11:52,668 --> 00:11:55,889
- YOU LIKE MAKING ME MAD.
- NO NO, I HATE IT. I HATE IT.
233
00:11:55,932 --> 00:11:59,022
WHEN THIS IS OVER, I AM
GONNA GIVE YOU THE SLOWEST
234
00:11:59,066 --> 00:12:01,242
BLOW YOU HAVE EVER HAD.
235
00:12:01,285 --> 00:12:03,853
I AM SO CONFUSED.
I AM SO CONFUSED RIGHT NOW.
236
00:12:03,897 --> 00:12:06,551
HEY, GUYS, WE'VE GOT
TO DRINK THIS QUICK.
237
00:12:06,595 --> 00:12:08,292
I HAVE CLASS
IN 15 MINUTES.
238
00:12:08,336 --> 00:12:11,426
- OH.
- WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
239
00:12:11,469 --> 00:12:13,950
IT'S JUST REAL DRY IN HERE.
240
00:12:20,957 --> 00:12:23,612
- HEY.
- OH WOW.
241
00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:29,052
- OH MY GOD.
- RELAX, IT'S NOT YOURS.
242
00:12:29,096 --> 00:12:30,967
- ARE YOU SURE?
- YEAH, I'M SURE.
243
00:12:31,011 --> 00:12:34,666
I MET A GUY IN NEW YORK
AND WE'RE IN LOVE.
244
00:12:34,710 --> 00:12:36,581
OH, YOU'RE IN LOVE, HUH?
245
00:12:38,845 --> 00:12:40,672
WHAT'S THAT LIKE?
246
00:12:40,716 --> 00:12:42,892
IT'S PRETTY FUN ACTUALLY.
247
00:12:42,936 --> 00:12:44,807
THAT'S GOOD.
IS HE HOME?
248
00:12:44,851 --> 00:12:47,201
- I'M NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU...
- WHAT? NO, I--
249
00:12:47,244 --> 00:12:49,072
I WANTED TO MEET HIM.
250
00:12:49,116 --> 00:12:51,074
...ALTHOUGH I AM
ABSOLUTELY FLATTERED
251
00:12:51,118 --> 00:12:52,902
THAT I MADE IT
INTO YOUR TOP 50.
252
00:12:52,946 --> 00:12:54,817
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
HIGHER ON THAT LIST.
253
00:12:54,861 --> 00:12:57,080
A VICTORY LAP IN THE FALL
OF YOUR SOPHOMORE YEAR--
254
00:12:57,124 --> 00:12:58,908
- THAT'S BALLSY.
- HMMM.
255
00:12:58,952 --> 00:13:00,562
- PRETTY BALLSY.
- THANKS.
256
00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:02,216
YEAH.
257
00:13:02,259 --> 00:13:03,870
NO, A WOMAN CALLED
THE GOAT HOUSE.
258
00:13:03,913 --> 00:13:05,785
- SHE SAID SHE WAS PREGNANT.
- OOOH.
259
00:13:05,828 --> 00:13:07,787
- NO NAME, NO NUMBER.
- YEAH.
260
00:13:07,830 --> 00:13:10,354
- I THOUGHT
WHAT THE HELL, RIGHT?
- THE GOAT HOUSE HAS A PHONE?
261
00:13:10,398 --> 00:13:11,703
- YEAH.
- LIKE A LANDLINE?
262
00:13:11,747 --> 00:13:13,531
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
- WHO WOULD HAVE THAT NUMBER?
263
00:13:13,575 --> 00:13:16,012
OLD CHEERLEADERS,
BOOSTER GIRLS,
264
00:13:16,056 --> 00:13:17,840
- PROSTITUTES, YOU KNOW.
- MM-HMM.
265
00:13:17,884 --> 00:13:21,017
HOLY SHIT.
266
00:13:21,061 --> 00:13:23,280
I KNOW WHO IT IS.
267
00:13:23,324 --> 00:13:25,717
THANK YOU.
I LOVE YOU.
268
00:13:27,850 --> 00:13:30,940
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT
BY THAT, RIGHT?
WE'RE GOOD?
269
00:13:30,984 --> 00:13:32,986
- YEAH.
- OKAY, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.
270
00:13:33,029 --> 00:13:34,988
- OKAY, THANK YOU.
- NAME IT AFTER ME.
271
00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:37,773
SO LET'S PLAY BREAK THE ICE.
I'LL GO FIRST.
272
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:41,777
WHEN I WAS 10, MY DAD
CHEATED ON MY MOM WITH
AN AEROBICS INSTRUCTOR.
273
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:44,867
THEN TO GET BACK AT HIM,
MY MOM CHEATED ON MY DAD
274
00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:47,261
WITH HIS BOSS, THE DEAN
OF BLUE MOUNTAIN STATE,
275
00:13:47,304 --> 00:13:49,916
- WHO SHE LATER MARRIED.
- OUCH.
276
00:13:49,959 --> 00:13:51,874
ACTUALLY IT WAS
A YOGA INSTRUCTOR.
277
00:13:51,918 --> 00:13:54,007
ACTUALLY SHE WAS
JUST A FLEXIBLE WHORE.
278
00:13:54,050 --> 00:13:55,791
A LITTLE MORE FLEXIBLE
THAN YOU.
279
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:57,532
REALLY?
YOUR BOSS ISN'T
COMPLAINING.
280
00:13:57,575 --> 00:13:59,142
- I REMEMBER--
- I'M GAY!
281
00:13:59,186 --> 00:14:01,014
HEY, WILL YOU SIT DOWN?
YOU'RE MAKING A SCENE.
282
00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:03,016
- YOU SIT DOWN.
- SIT DOWN, JOE.
283
00:14:03,059 --> 00:14:05,801
- SHUT UP, MA.
- HEY, DON'T TALK
TO YOUR MOTHER LIKE THAT!
284
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,673
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US?
WE'VE GIVEN YOU EVERYTHING.
285
00:14:08,717 --> 00:14:11,546
I WANT-- $5,000.
286
00:14:11,589 --> 00:14:13,330
- OH JEEZ.
- EXCUSE ME?
287
00:14:13,374 --> 00:14:16,638
$5,000 AND THE PAST
IS FORGIVEN.
288
00:14:19,119 --> 00:14:21,643
- LET ME THINK ABOUT IT.
- GREAT.
289
00:14:23,123 --> 00:14:25,255
I CAN'T WAIT TO RECONNECT
WITH YOU, DAD.
290
00:14:27,127 --> 00:14:29,216
I THINK THE AD
READS PRETTY WELL.
291
00:14:29,259 --> 00:14:31,609
AND THAT PICTURE IS BADASS.
292
00:14:33,089 --> 00:14:36,310
MAN, I DONE TALKED
TO 900 GIRLS
293
00:14:36,353 --> 00:14:38,312
AND NONE OF THEM GOT
MY BABY IN THEM.
294
00:14:38,355 --> 00:14:41,228
YOU KNOW, I THINK I'M GONNA
HIT UP MY FAVORITE GAS STATION
JUST IN CASE.
295
00:14:42,533 --> 00:14:44,579
I'VE GOT IT!
I KNOW WHO IT IS.
296
00:14:44,622 --> 00:14:47,190
I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T
RECOGNIZE HER VOICE BEFORE.
297
00:14:48,626 --> 00:14:50,933
LISTEN TO IT AGAIN.
298
00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:53,588
Uh, hey, Beavis?
299
00:14:53,631 --> 00:14:56,547
This is Butthead.
300
00:14:56,591 --> 00:14:58,898
Just kidding, guys,
it's Dave!
301
00:15:01,422 --> 00:15:02,902
Woman:
Hey, it's me.
302
00:15:02,945 --> 00:15:05,295
This is awkward, but...
303
00:15:05,339 --> 00:15:06,993
I'm pregnant.
304
00:15:08,864 --> 00:15:12,433
THINK ABOUT IT!
SHE CALLED THE GOAT HOUSE
LANDLINE.
305
00:15:12,476 --> 00:15:15,610
WHO'S OLD ENOUGH
TO HAVE THAT NUMBER?
306
00:15:16,611 --> 00:15:18,134
I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT:
307
00:15:18,178 --> 00:15:20,484
WE'VE ALL HAD SEX WITH HER
WITHIN THE PAST NINE MONTHS.
308
00:15:22,486 --> 00:15:25,098
- HMMM?
- WAIT A MINUTE.
309
00:15:25,141 --> 00:15:26,795
OH YEAH.
HA HA.
310
00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:36,457
WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?
311
00:15:38,285 --> 00:15:39,939
Thad:
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I THOUGHT HAVING SEX WITH YOU
312
00:15:39,982 --> 00:15:41,853
WAS SUPPOSED
TO BRING US GOOD LUCK,
NOT BAD LUCK.
313
00:15:41,897 --> 00:15:45,335
IS THIS TEAM NOT UNDEFEATED?
314
00:15:45,379 --> 00:15:47,947
EVERY GOOD THING COMES
WITH A PRICE.
315
00:15:47,990 --> 00:15:50,297
AND THE PRICE FOR YOUR UNDEFEATED SEASON
316
00:15:50,340 --> 00:15:52,299
HAPPENS TO BE A BABY.
317
00:15:52,342 --> 00:15:54,214
IT CAN'T BE MINE, RIGHT?
318
00:15:54,257 --> 00:15:57,173
HARMON, YOU CAN'T GET
PREGNANT IN THE BUTT.
319
00:15:57,217 --> 00:15:59,045
JUST DOUBLE CHECKING.
SEE YOU LATER, SUCKERS.
320
00:15:59,088 --> 00:16:01,786
- ALL RIGHT, BRO.
- LISTEN, I CALLED
THE GOAT HOUSE
321
00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:03,571
BECAUSE THIS BABY...
322
00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:06,530
- COULD BE ANY OF YOURS.
323
00:16:06,574 --> 00:16:09,577
WELL, THERE'S ONLY
ONE WAY TO SETTLE THIS.
324
00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:12,797
- ♪ PATERNITY TEST.
- UH-HUH.
325
00:16:12,841 --> 00:16:16,062
- I ALREADY DROPPED
MY BLOOD SAMPLES
326
00:16:16,105 --> 00:16:18,107
OFF AT THE HOSPITAL
JUST IN CASE.
327
00:16:18,151 --> 00:16:19,543
THAT'S GOOD.
328
00:16:19,587 --> 00:16:20,892
A BROKEN JAW--
329
00:16:20,936 --> 00:16:23,808
AND THEN I GET A SLOW BLOW,
SO THAT'S NOT BAD.
330
00:16:23,852 --> 00:16:27,377
FINGERS UP THE NOSE,
AND THEN A SLOW BLOW.
331
00:16:27,421 --> 00:16:29,292
SO AGAIN, SLOW BLOW WINS.
332
00:16:29,336 --> 00:16:31,555
IS KAREN HURTING YOU?
333
00:16:31,599 --> 00:16:33,296
YOU DON'T KNOCK
ANYMORE, REALLY?
334
00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:36,430
- SHUT UP. IS SHE?
- MARY JO, I KNOW YOU'RE MAD.
335
00:16:36,473 --> 00:16:39,389
BUT HEAR ME OUT:
THE SLOW BLOWS ARE
WORTH IT, OKAY?
336
00:16:39,433 --> 00:16:41,565
OH WAIT.
337
00:16:42,566 --> 00:16:44,046
IS IT-- IS THAT--
338
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:45,613
- EW.
- THAT'S MY TOOTH.
339
00:16:45,656 --> 00:16:48,442
GOD DAMN IT, SAMMY!
I KNEW IT.
340
00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:52,228
OKAY LISTEN, KAREN'S ON HER WAY
OVER TO SLOW BLOW ME NOW.
341
00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:54,448
I'D APPRECIATE IT
IF YOU LEFT.
342
00:16:54,491 --> 00:16:56,276
OH, I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
343
00:17:04,545 --> 00:17:06,634
- IS THAT THE MONEY?
- YEAH, IT IS.
344
00:17:06,677 --> 00:17:09,071
YES!
CONGRATS, DAD.
345
00:17:09,115 --> 00:17:12,509
- YOU HAVE A SON AGAIN.
346
00:17:12,553 --> 00:17:14,642
YEAH, WHAT'S UP?
347
00:17:14,685 --> 00:17:17,906
- WHAT ARE THEY DOING
IN THE HOSPITAL?
- HEY, REMEMBER ME?
348
00:17:17,949 --> 00:17:19,908
YOUR GAY SON
WHO YOU ABANDONED?
349
00:17:19,951 --> 00:17:21,997
ALL RIGHT,
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
350
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:25,609
COME ON, HAND OVER THE MONEY
SO WE CAN BE A FAMILY AGAIN.
351
00:17:25,653 --> 00:17:28,873
I GOT 100 FOOTBALL PLAYERS
WHO ARE IN THE HOSPITAL
RIGHT NOW
352
00:17:28,917 --> 00:17:30,875
AND I DON'T KNOW WHY.
353
00:17:30,919 --> 00:17:33,748
YOU KNOW, THEY NEVER ASK ME FOR ANYTHING EXCEPT GUIDANCE.
354
00:17:33,791 --> 00:17:37,143
- AND THEY TREATED ME
WITH RESPECT.
- RESPECT?
355
00:17:37,186 --> 00:17:40,363
- YOU NEVER ACCEPTED ME.
- YOU'RE RIGHT.
356
00:17:40,407 --> 00:17:42,235
I DIDN'T.
357
00:17:42,278 --> 00:17:45,368
AND I ALWAYS THOUGHT IT WAS
BECAUSE OF THIS WHOLE GAY THING.
358
00:17:45,412 --> 00:17:47,370
BUT IT WASN'T,
BECAUSE I DON'T CARE
359
00:17:47,414 --> 00:17:50,765
IF YOU WRAP YOUR DICK
IN RAINBOW FRUIT ROLL-UPS
360
00:17:50,808 --> 00:17:53,246
AND WATCH "WIZARD OF OZ"
10 TIMES A DAY.
361
00:17:53,289 --> 00:17:57,032
BUT WHAT I WON'T ACCEPT IS
THE FACT THAT YOU'RE
A DISRESPECTFUL,
362
00:17:57,076 --> 00:18:00,209
MANIPULATIVE LITTLE PRICK.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT, JOEY?
363
00:18:00,253 --> 00:18:02,472
- YOU'RE CUT.
- YOU CAN'T CUT ME.
364
00:18:02,516 --> 00:18:04,213
YOU'RE CUT!
365
00:18:05,910 --> 00:18:08,565
Karen:
SAMMY?
366
00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:11,133
HI, SAMMY BABY.
367
00:18:12,308 --> 00:18:14,441
MMM.
368
00:18:14,484 --> 00:18:18,227
WHO IS READY FOR THEIR
369
00:18:18,271 --> 00:18:20,621
SLOW BLOW?
370
00:18:20,664 --> 00:18:22,710
- I AM.
371
00:18:24,712 --> 00:18:26,714
- ALL DONE.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
372
00:18:26,757 --> 00:18:29,108
YOU LIKE HURTING
MY BROTHER?
373
00:18:29,151 --> 00:18:31,719
YES, SHE DOES,
BUT SHE ALSO
374
00:18:31,762 --> 00:18:34,069
- GIVES GREAT SLOW BLOWS.
- SHUT UP, SAMMY!
375
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:36,419
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
ARE YOU GONNA PUNCH ME
IN THE FA--
376
00:18:36,463 --> 00:18:38,682
OOOH!
377
00:18:38,726 --> 00:18:40,293
WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?
378
00:18:40,336 --> 00:18:42,686
DO YOU KNOW WHY
I BEAT HIM?
379
00:18:42,730 --> 00:18:45,167
- WHY?
- BECAUSE HE'S
IN LOVE WITH YOU.
380
00:18:45,211 --> 00:18:46,821
- YEAH RIGHT!
381
00:18:46,864 --> 00:18:48,692
- OH YEAH?
- YEAH.
382
00:18:48,736 --> 00:18:50,694
THEN WHY DID I FIND
NAKED PICTURES OF HER
ON YOUR CELL PHONE?
383
00:18:50,738 --> 00:18:52,783
HUH?
WA-BAM!
384
00:18:53,784 --> 00:18:56,744
YOU HAVE NAKED PICTURES
OF ME ON YOUR PHONE?
385
00:18:56,787 --> 00:18:58,746
NOT JUST YOU.
THERE'S--
386
00:18:58,789 --> 00:19:00,574
THERE'S OTHER PHOTOS
ON THERE.
387
00:19:00,617 --> 00:19:02,271
AW SHIT.
388
00:19:03,925 --> 00:19:07,102
WELL, I GUESS IF WE LEARNED
ANYTHING THIS WEEK IT'S
389
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:11,150
DOUBLE-BAGGING IT'S
NEVER A BAD IDEA, HMM?
390
00:19:11,193 --> 00:19:13,326
AND I LEARNED THAT WOMEN
CAN NEVER BE TRUSTED.
391
00:19:13,369 --> 00:19:16,459
HEY, I DON'T CARE
WHOSE BABY THIS IS.
392
00:19:16,503 --> 00:19:18,200
I'M RAISING IT
LIKE IT'S MY OWN.
393
00:19:18,244 --> 00:19:21,812
- EVEN IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO.
- AND I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW
394
00:19:21,856 --> 00:19:23,988
I LOVE YOU GUYS.
395
00:19:24,032 --> 00:19:26,991
I LOST A SON TODAY,
396
00:19:27,035 --> 00:19:29,211
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
397
00:19:29,255 --> 00:19:31,866
I GOT 100 SONS...
398
00:19:32,997 --> 00:19:35,565
RIGHT HERE.
399
00:19:35,609 --> 00:19:36,871
BRING IT IN.
400
00:19:39,265 --> 00:19:40,831
COME HERE, GUYS.
401
00:19:40,875 --> 00:19:44,226
AND I MEAN THAT.
I MEAN THAT FROM THE BOTTOM
OF MY HEART.
402
00:19:44,270 --> 00:19:47,098
YOU GUYS ARE MY BOYS,
I'M TELLING YOU.
403
00:19:47,142 --> 00:19:50,101
- GUYS, WE NEED TO TALK.
- COUGAR.
404
00:19:50,145 --> 00:19:52,103
YOU'RE GONNA BE OUR MILF.
405
00:19:52,147 --> 00:19:55,455
AND WE'RE GONNA RAISE
THIS BABY AS OUR OWN,
TOGETHER,
406
00:19:55,498 --> 00:19:58,240
AT THE GOAT HOUSE.
407
00:19:58,284 --> 00:19:59,502
NO.
408
00:19:59,546 --> 00:20:02,113
I'M GONNA RAISE THIS BABY.
ALONE.
409
00:20:02,157 --> 00:20:05,247
I THOUGHT ABOUT IT AND I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHO THE FATHER IS.
410
00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:08,032
MY B.M.S. BOYS NEED TO KEEP
THEIR MINDS FOCUSED--
411
00:20:08,076 --> 00:20:11,384
CONGRATULATIONS,
MARTY DANIELS.
412
00:20:14,778 --> 00:20:18,042
MAKE THAT
101 SONS, COACH.
413
00:20:21,045 --> 00:20:23,439
- RIGHT?
414
00:20:27,269 --> 00:20:29,663
WHOA WHOA WHOA.
MARY JO, WHAT HAPPENED?
415
00:20:29,706 --> 00:20:31,708
- MASCOT.
- HE FELL.
416
00:20:32,970 --> 00:20:35,190
SLOW BLOWS.
THIS IS SLOW BLOWS.
417
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:36,757
SLOW BLOWS.
418
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,062
SLOW BLOWS.
419
00:20:38,106 --> 00:20:40,413
♪ WHY CAN'T
I SLEEP WITH YOU? ♪
420
00:20:40,456 --> 00:20:43,024
♪ I'D LIKE TO BE WITH YOU
421
00:20:43,067 --> 00:20:46,636
♪ IF I COULD BE SO TRUE
422
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:48,159
♪ SLEEP WITH YOU
423
00:20:48,203 --> 00:20:50,814
♪ WHY CAN'T I BE WITH YOU?
424
00:20:50,858 --> 00:20:53,643
♪ I'D LIKE TO
SEE IT THROUGH ♪
425
00:20:53,687 --> 00:20:56,255
♪ IF I COULD SLEEP
WITH YOU ♪
426
00:20:58,474 --> 00:21:01,129
♪ YOU STRUCK
A CHORD WITH ME ♪
427
00:21:01,172 --> 00:21:03,914
♪ I'LL COME BACK AROUND
428
00:21:03,958 --> 00:21:06,134
♪ I'LL COME BACK AROUND,
WE'LL SEE. ♪
32403
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