Original subtitles

[GENTLE PIANO MUSIC]

[GRUNTS]

I'm just gonna put that... Is it OK if I put that...?

Thank you.

Oh...

So sorry. I think my sleeve is, um, sort of

inside of me somehow.

Let me help you.

No, no, no. No, I've got it.

I'm just gonna take a breath.

Sorry.

I'm normally really good at taking my coat off.

I think I'm just tired.

I got up really early this morning to do,

um, a sunrise aura reset

because my best friend Eddie,

um, she has this amazing new friend who's, like, a healer.

And, um, I'm getting to, like, learn all about her

because she's, like, always there!

- [PHONE VIBRATES] - Ohh. Sorry.

It's...

[GROANS]

But, um, I'm just here to have lunch with my dad. Um...

We've actually been estranged for three years,

but, um, I'm in, like, a really good place.

I think he should see that.

And, you know, also, he will die one day, fairly soon,

due to his lifestyle choices.

I don't want to feel guilty at his funeral.

He's just very... Well, you know what dads are like.

My dad died before I was born.

- That is so... - Do you have a reservation?

Yeah. It's under Mark Anderson.

The other party is already here.

This way, please.

[LAUGHTER AND CHATTER]

You can make it on your own, right?

Yep.

I told Ricky, "You'll have to do it without me."

There's nothing funny about watching people

working in an office.

[LAUGHTER]

He goes on about it every time I see him.

Maggie! There you are. Sit!

Are you all right?

You're not taking that Thai valium again, are you?

Is there anything you want to say to me?

Hello?

We haven't spoken in three years.

- Oh, yes, we have. - No, we haven't.

I saw you last year at Emma's wedding.

That was six years ago.

I don't think so.

We're estranged.

Did you...?

Did you not know that?

No, I did not know that.

Have you lost weight?

You look less... puffy.

Ah...

Excuse me.

I'm just going to...

- ...piss. - [CLEARS HER THROAT]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[LINE RINGS]

- EDDIE: Hey! - Hey! Oh! Oh, my God.

It is going so badly with my dad.

Wait, let me put you on speaker. Whitney's right here.

- Oh, no, no, no. That's not... - WHITNEY: Hey, Maggie.

I hope you're wearing your unity crystal.

Have you led him through a brief grounding chant

- like I suggested? - Not yet.

Then get back out there, girl.

It's just...

...Dad hadn't actually noticed we were estranged,

which begs the question,

can you even be estranged from someone

if the other person has no idea?

You know what would really help is a percussive bonding ritual.

OK, great. Yeah, I'll try that, then.

- [WHITNEY LAUGHS] - Oh, no. Oh, I'm so sorry.

No, it can't be done by an amateur.

Oh, I wish it was that simple.

EDDIE: Could you do it, Whit?

WHITNEY: I mean, I've perfected the technique.

You know what?

I'd love to give this gift to you, Maggie.

Could you bring Pops to us?

My rainstick does not travel well.

Ah, yeah. No, that... That sounds amazing.

I just don't know if I could get my dad to go along with it.

EDDIE: Mags, I know your dad's a menace,

but when Whitney's done this 100 times.

She's the reason Angelina lets Jon Voight round for Christmas.

Well...

...don't ask, don't get, right?

WHITNEY: Oh! Amazing!

You're really starting to become

someone of substance, Maggie.

[CALL DISCONNECTS]

Great.

So, even though you haven't noticed, we are estranged.

I'm not sure that's possible

if one of the estranged is unaware that he's estranged.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure a normal parent

would have noticed they haven't spoken to their daughter

in over three calendar years.

- Oh, it hasn't been that long. - Yes, it has.

All right. We can pretend it has,

- if that's what you prefer. - Oh, we don't need to pretend,

because it is the literal truth.

Your generation is wholly responsible for

the rampant overuse of the word "literal".

It literally makes me want to carry

a dictionary around so I can throw it...

Listen, you reached out to me.

I have been doing great without you.

Work has been amazing. I have a play...

So sorry, Mr Anderson.

I wanted to send a little something over.

I'm a huge fan. I had the DVD box set of Man Ager.

I used to watch it literally every day before school.

- I wish you were still on TV. - Oh, please.

Come on. It's a young man's game.

You could do Taskmaster. You would be so funny.

Could we get another water, please?

- Of course. - Oh, thank you so much.

You know, Maggie, it's really telling

how people treat restaurant staff.

We were having a conversation.

No, we were having a conversation.

- As I was saying... - Glass of fizz?

Uh...

Are you drinking again?

Oh, come on, Maggie, try and relax.

[PHONE VIBRATES]

Uh, hey, just out of interest, what do you think

of people who are, like, into crystals and...?

First to go at my revolution.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Come on. You were telling me about your work.

Um...

Yeah. So, um,

my play Like Glue nearly won this huge award.

Only nearly?

Well, I got down to the final five

out of thousands of submissions, so...

Oh, wow.

My agent said a lot of theatres are really interested in it.

So what's your plan B?

Sorry?

Well, you've you been trying to get the writing going

for some years now. Isn't it time that, you know,

you considered exploring other avenues?

Uh...

Yeah, I'm gonna need another one of these.

I am going to have the burger, please.

Actually, I'll have the, um, caesar salad.

Yeah. I'll have the burger, please.

Yes, sir.

Right, so I've got something to ask you,

and I'd like to get this out of the way,

if I might.

I realised I haven't been the most family-orientated father,

but, you know, to be fair to me, I've had my work...

There's a woman over there who has not stopped staring at us.

- It tends to happen. - No, but I recognise her.

- I swear I've met her before. - Maggie, please concentrate.

Tonight, the National Comedy Awards

are presenting me with a lifetime achievement award.

OK.

Congratulations?

Thank you.

And I'd like you to come with me.

As you know, I gave up television, oh, what,

20 years ago, and I normally turn these kind of things down,

but I thought, no, no, no, it might be nice now

to acknowledge the impact my work has had

on the British comedy landscape.

You know, my parents are long gone,

and as lovely as your mother may be,

I realised shortly after our wedding...

...that marriage probably wasn't for me.

Shortly after your wedding?

So essentially, Maggie, you are my only family,

and I would like my family with me tonight.

I'm just a little taken aback, I suppose,

because you have never, ever included me

in anything to do with your work or indeed life before.

Well, I'm a private man.

I am your biological child.

Tonight is important.

And you are important to me.

[LAUGHTER AND CHATTER]

I stupidly cast a dog.

I mean, what was I thinking?

[MARK BARKS]

All the time, yapping away!

You know what? Someone nicked it.

Ran off with it.

People stole everything in those days!

The '90s were much simpler. Hey!

[MAGGIE LAUGHS]

Do you know we had an on-set coke dealer?

- No, you didn't. - Yeah, yeah.

Do you know, I put him in series three

after the actor we originally cast got hit by a Jet Ski.

- What? - Yes!

There were so many more Jet Ski accidents back then.

There were. It was a weekly occurrence. Brr-rrm!

[PHONE VIBRATES]

Oh, yes.

Ohh...

Oh, poo on me.

- I beg your pardon? - Um...

Uh...

Sorry. Tell me more about...

[PHONE VIBRATES]

What?

[MAGGIE GROANS]

OK.

Um, OK. Um... OK, I'll come.

- What? Excellent. - Yeah.

If you do something for me now.

What... what... what's going on?

Look, Eddie has become one of those crystal woowoo people,

and she goes everywhere with this awful TikTok hippie

named Whitney. And long story short, they are coming here

to perform a father-daughter healing ceremony

using a rainstick, and I can't stop them.

So just say nothing or nod.

And basically, if we get through this,

I will come with you to your awards thing.

Do we have a deal?

Is Eddie your boyfriend?

No. Eddie is a girl.

She's my friend. You have met her several times.

Ah. Do we have a deal?

I'm not sure what the deal is, but all right, fine.

Just say nothing. Or nod. OK?

Hey, girls.

Mr Anderson, hi, I'm Whitney.

I am sure Maggie has told you all about me,

but I am a professional light worker.

And, well, since losing my own father,

I've become particularly passionate

about helping daddies. I just spoke to the hostess,

who is such a sweetheart, by the way.

- Literally an angel. - Yeah, I love her as well.

And she's actually given us use of the private dining room

for a couple of hours.

I mean, God, isn't that so kind?

So kind.

So we'll go set up,

and once we're done, we can get started.

Oh... WHISPERS: If you're concerned about

the friction inherent in Maggie's aura...

...we've been working hard on that.

I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

See you in there.

[MARK EXHALES]

There's so many places I could start,

but "professional light worker" is as good as any.

Don't. Look, I just need to figure out

a way to get them out of here.

What possessed you to go along

with something as excruciating as this?

Eddie is my best friend, and I just wanna support her.

Oh, cut the shit. You're not doing this to be supportive.

You're doing this because your best friend's got

a shiny new pal, and you're all jealous.

And I'm assuming because you're at "join 'em"

you failed at "beat 'em",

and now, instead of being honest with your friend,

you're prepared to go along with their delusions

for, what, months, years,

or until one day you wake up in a hippie commune

in Wales with no running water

and at least one suspicious death?

Oh, it's Devon, actually.

Integrity, Maggie.

Integrity... is crucial for any writer worth their salt.

Any person.

And it's not worth giving up at the drop of a rainstick.

You know, you were lucky enough to inherit

a reasonably sharp mind, thanks to me,

and you constantly disappoint me by wasting it.

Excuse me for a minute.

[LINE RINGS]

- WHITNEY: We're ready! - I'm sorry, Whitney,

could I... Could you just, um, put Eddie on?

EDDIE: Hey. What's up? We're just in the back.

No, I know. Um, can you just, um...

Could you just come to the bathroom, maybe?

Just come here.

Look, I just wanna talk to you.

Maggie, I'm not the expert here. Whitney is.

Just come and chat to her.

- But I just want... - [CALL DISCONNECTS]

Look, I was, um...

...too harsh.

I was just, uh, concerned.

I'm sorry.

Did you just apologise?

I might need a minute.

You were mean.

But you were right.

Look, I understand that you feel

that I haven't been the perfect fath...

I was, um...

I was incredibly busy during your childhood.

You know, I was writing and starring in my own show.

I put everything I had into the making of Man Ager,

everything, and of course, there were epic highs.

Oh, my God, there were epic highs.

But the lows. The lows were terrible.

I wonder what might have caused that.

But we weren't like your generation, you see.

You lot are more into... I don't know, self-flagellation...

...begging therapists

for the secular equivalent of ten Hail Marys.

You know, when things were hard, for us,

we huddled together in someone's office,

rang the local pub for delivery,

and then we shook the cobwebs off.

And as a result of that,

I wasn't at home as much as I should have been.

There are so many things I regret

when it comes to you and your mother.

But I just, um...

I just want us to have a better relationship.

But - and I really, really want you to understand this -

I cannot attend a rainstick healing ceremony,

especially as you yourself know it to be complete horse shit.

We're ready!

Ohh.

Um, we... Um...

We aren't... We aren't coming.

- Why not? - Because...

This will really help Whitney gain more followers,

and we're fundraising for...

What do you mean, followers?

Instagram followers.

You were going to film this and put it on Instagram?

Yeah, yeah. Whitney thought, because your dad was on TV,

it will help drive traffic to her page.

Oh, but the point is, Maggie, this will really help you.

Whitney really knows what...

Oh, Whitney knows fuck-all!

[MAGGIE LAUGHS]

- What? - Oh, nothing.

Sorry.

Oh... No. No, Whitney's...

Oh, no, I don't have it in me. Whitney is an idiot.

And you have become the most selfish fucking hippie

I have ever met.

- What? - Sorry.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. It's all... It's bollocks.

I know that healing can feel uncomfortable.

Oh, what the fuck do you know about healing, Eddie?

Do you even know what the word means?

Because it doesn't mean going AWOL with a fake guru

who clearly just stole your money to get Turkey teeth.

[WHITNEY GASPS]

What are you talking about?

Oh, I'm sorry, There's no way the Eddie I know

believes any of this shit. You have a sharper mind than that.

It's just... It's disappointing, honestly.

Maggie, maybe we should take a meditation break.

I mean, your forehead veins are telling me

your chakras are completely off balance.

New rule. You're only allowed to speak if you're vaccinated.

I can't have loud, emotional arguments in here.

This is a restaurant.

That's fine. We were just leaving.

- No, Eddie. Come on. Eddie... - No, you've said enough.

I should have listened to Whitney

and done this weeks ago.

But, Maggie,

we're done.

I don't want you in my life any more.

WHITNEY: Good for you. Good for you.

Sit down, darling.

I'm really proud of you.

You told her the truth.

And the truth, as they say, will set you free.

Hey, let me top you up.

[ICE BUCKET RATTLES]

Could we, uh, have the bill, please?

Thank you.

Could I trouble you for our coats, please?

Yes.

- Come on. - Is she OK?

What, her? Fine. Yeah, fine.

Nothing that a little fresh air won't fix.

We're off to an award ceremony up the road.

[MARK CHUCKLES]

Hope it doesn't drag on too long.

You know what they're like!

A bit like a school assembly that you can't escape from.

- Mark. Mark Anderson. - That's me, yep.

Any advance on the coats, love, please?

You don't remember me?

Hmm.

No, you were probably too little.

You were only nine, I think. Tiny wee thing.

I baby-sat for you back in Galway.

Oh.

I didn't think I'd see you again.

And I sat down for a lunch and, bam, in you walked.

I was only 20-odd.

God, so young, and I feel awful.

Come on, Mairead.

And I felt so bad because your mam was so lovely.

God, I didn't know what I was doing.

You know, I refused to talk to that journalist woman.

She called me a few months ago and I said

I wouldn't talk about you,

even though she said the other women had.

Just so you know.

- Right, come on, then. - What's she talking about?

Oh, her? I don't know. God knows.

Pfft! I don't think she's right in the head.

What was she talking about?

Oh, they try and do this to every semi-famous man

of a certain age nowadays.

Some hack has written a supposed expose

on my romantic relationships in the '90s.

- Affairs? - All consensual, all adults.

But because some of these women

that worked with me at the time...

- For you. - ...now they're trying to claim

there's some kind of abuse involved.

I mean, come on, it's crap. It's nonsense.

But what can you do?

You know what I mean? Sells papers.

And that's why you want me to come with you tonight, right?

No, of course not.

You're about to get canceled,

so you want to use me to show that you're actually

a loving family man who wouldn't hurt a fly.

All right, just calm down.

I won't do that for you.

You know, a not-very-wise man once said to me

the truth will set you free,

but I think what he actually meant is,

it's more fun to be brutally honest,

but only when it suits you.

Which is not as catchy.

I have spent so many years trying to figure you out.

But if so much of what you say is a lie,

then what's the point in even trying?

I have this unshakable hope in us

that made me come here today.

And it made me drink. And I don't drink any more.

But I can't say that to you,

because it's too close to the bone, isn't it?

How many did you have before I got here today?

Four or five?

I've have guessed four, but I'm a little rusty.

I'm not like you.

I'm medicated.

I stole 50 quid from his wallet.

Do you want a hot chocolate?

Yeah.

[PHONE VIBRATES]

MAGGIE: I'm going to save her.

WILL: Oh, sorry. I just...

MAGGIE: I know I need to fight for her.

I know she deserves it. OK?

WILL: OK. I'll send a Zoom link. We can get planning.

MAGGIE: Stop sending me fucking Zoom links.

I am the captain now. No more zoom.

WILL: Got it captain. Google me...

MAGGIE: Just meet me in my flat in an hour

and bring all the nerdy stationery I know you have.

- We're going big. - Yes. I'll stop...

You're nicer than I thought you were.

My dad died jet skiing with his mistress in Jamaica

when my mum was pregnant with me.

[MAGGIE EXHALES]

There used to be a lot more jet ski accidents.

? Poetry has no place for a heart that's a whore

? And I'm young and I'm strong but I feel old and tired

? Overfired

? And I've been poked and stoked

? It's all smoke There's no more fire

? Only desire... ?

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0