Original subtitles

Meh...

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

[PHONE VIBRATES]

Hey. Sorry, I'm just mid-spin.

Oh, Maggie, I don't like you using that thing.

That's what killed Mr Big.

Yeah. Good point. I'll call it a day.

So, how are things with Eddie? She enjoying her new job?

Er...

Do you think I made the bar too low?

I assumed I'd be incredible at interior design

because of my breeding.

But it's actually kind of hard.

Oh...

- Eddie! - Yes, Krent?

Time Out magazine is coming tonight, and it's like

you don't even care if they think my bar is enchanting.

Look, I know this might come as a surprise to you,

but I've got other, more important things

to be directing my mental energy to right now.

- Like what? - Like my own inner peace

and how to protect it when different energies

come into my soul space.

And can old energies merge

with new energies or should I just...?

I went to a bar in Milan, where none of the staff wore shoes.

Maybe that's the answer.

Mm, I think she's loving it, yeah.

I haven't actually seen her since the drag show...

- [PHONE VIBRATES] - ...but I've just, um...

I've just been really busy with my Depop.

I-I, um, found a load of old Jane Norman tops,

and the kids are going wild for them, so...

But you'll see her soon, yeah?

Oh, I'm sure. Yeah. I just...

...just want to let her settle in.

I just don't seem like a crazy stalker.

[CHUCKLES]

You know, Krent, Whitney always says that listening is

more powerful than talking.

Is that aimed at me?

[SCOFFS] I am a fantastic listener. Look!

Fine.

Whitney thinks I should cut out...

...meat.

[GROANS]

And I get it, because meat does kind of cause chaos.

But I think I'll really, really miss it.

- You can still talk. - Oh, OK!

Well, um...

I mean, did Whitney ever give meat a chance?

Like, did she ever have a Nando's?

- Uh... - Because

chicken is not really meat, right?

Like, a bird is more of a plant than an animal.

So I think you should have as much meat

as you can while Whitney's away,

and then if it shuffles your chakras,

you know you have to give it up for good.

Right. Listening time's over.

Are you sure you have to take the rest of the day off?

Very sure. Apart from anything else,

it's basic employment law.

Yes, but this is my chance to show Mother

that I have what it takes to be

a nightlife tycoon/ corporate landlord.

I've managed to set this place up so it actually functions,

which is all you need to be mentioned

in a listicle about Hinge date venues.

Yes, I know, but, Eddie...

Also, isn't the journalist literally your brother's mate?

You of all people should know how nepotism works.

Yes, but I want a big splashy rave.

You think I'll get a big splashy rave?

Not sure what they'd rave about.

This place lacks any real identity.

What do you mean?

I mean, it's called Lodge by K,

but there is nothing lodge-y about it.

Can I borrow your phone?

[SIGHS]

GILLIAN: Just make sure you put yourself first.

- [PHONE VIBRATES] - I know Eddie is

very important to you, but you've come a long way

- in the last year... - Oh! Ah! Er, I have to go.

[PHONE VIBRATES]

How dare you hang up on me?!

I didn't hang up on you, Mum, the conversation was over.

Look, I need to shower. Eddie invited me over.

Over? Where is it she's living?

I don't know, probably some disgusting hippy warehouse

full of mice and rats and...

- Shit! - Yeah.

A friend of Whitney's lent us the place.

He's doing a walk across India

to raise awareness for people who raise awareness.

So you're not paying anything?

I don't know. Whitney looks after our finances.

Oh...

Speaking of my girl, Whitney, where's she at?

Just so excited to get to know her better.

She's out of town. She's back tomorrow.

What?! Oh, that's such a shame!

It is. Yeah. Just because Thursday is my soul reset day,

which Whitney usually supports me through.

But I thought...

...maybe you could help instead?

Oh... OK, sure. Yeah.

Um, I mean, I-I've never...

I've never done a soul... recycling before, but I...

Maggie, this is my spiritual practice. Don't take the piss.

No, no, no, I'm not. I'm really not.

OK. I was going to start with a cleansing sound bath.

Amazing. I would love to bathe... sound. I really...

If you're tired, it won't work. You have to focus.

No, no, no, I'm not. That... that was just...

That was just, like, nervous excitement.

Like, I think like when a dog yawns.

But I really want to know more about it.

Like everything you've learned from Whitney

cos it... it's obviously helped you a lot.

And, um, and I think that's really great.

OK, cos I need this after a week of full-time Krent.

Oh, right, Krent is your boss now.

In name only. He knows who's really in charge.

He does whatever I say.

I've got a shitload of logs here

for a Krentopher DeGoldman-Sachs.

OK...

Sorry.

[MOANS SOFTLY]

Let your eyelids

slide generously closed

over your eyeballs

and wait for the sound I make

to start moving through your root chakra.

Is it like one of those sounds that only animals can hear?

- I'm just warming it up. - OK.

Can I try?

[BOWL HUMS]

Oh, my God.

Is this the thing I'm good at?

Wow, Mags. Whitney always says the bowl responds best

to those with true inner serenity.

I do feel super serene.

Almost... overwhelmingly so.

It's almost...

...like I've been...

- Oh...! - It's so soothing.

[HUMS]

Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck...

Wow, Maggie, are you chanting?

Yeah, I learned it in primary school.

It's really common in Ireland.

[EDDIE CHANTS]

Um bongo...

Uh...

Salaman... do... Er...

- [PHONE RINGS] - Oh, Jesus! What was that?!

A landline, Maggie.

Oh, OK. Oh.

Hello?

Wait, Mia, slow down.

Jesus!

OK, I'm on my way. Just stay calm.

It's calm. I'm calm.

Oh...

Krent's done something even dumber

than I thought him capable of. I have to go down there.

Oh, no...! Um... I totally understand.

We can just... We can hang out another time.

Actually, could you come with me?

I really need to stay grounded.

It'd be great if you could be my soul anchor.

Seeing as you're just so mellow today.

Absolutely.

OK, guys, the log piles still just look like log piles.

Pooey, you've ruined the surprise!

Oh, my God, you filled the bar with tiny saunas.

OK, and just, um,

just take a deep breath

and think of... bedtime.

Krent, can you please explain yourself

in the least infuriating way possible?

When you're a business owner,

you have to take risks and be bold.

That's according to Jamie Laing's podcast.

So I thought, how can I ensure that we get a rave review?

- Stay home. - And then it came to me.

Lodge by K, Lodge.

A ski lodge, alpine luxury.

And what do you think when you think alpine luxury?

Saunas.

[BOWLS CLANGS]

So you get a drink and maybe some olives,

and then you take those olives into the little hot cupboard.

Isn't that so chic?

Right, first things first.

Hey, what are you doing?! That'll turn off all my saunas!

Oh, that's very much the idea.

Will we just leave and pretend we never saw this?

- Get rid of the saunas. - My saunas?! No!

This bar cannot house five saunas.

The heat will get us shut down. Get rid of them.

But I love them.

Get rid of the saunas or I quit.

Uh... [WAILS] Oh...

Guys, I'm sorry for the... everything.

It will all get sorted. Just please don't leave.

Done. Are you happy?

They're coming to take them away tomorrow.

Tomorrow? So after Time Out comes?

Call your mate and tell him to come another night.

Oh, they're not coming. They texted earlier

to say they can't make it.

They're sending someone new.

A man called TJ.

According to his Instagram,

he loves social housing

and hates "the elite" -

whoever they are.

Maybe a band?

Thank you, Krent. That will be all.

OK, I'll just...

Oh, why is it still so hot?

Apparently they take hours to cool down.

Between that and the fact that this place now has

the carbon footprint of an airport,

he has really out-Krented himself.

We need to shift these saunas.

What happened to the mans with vans?

- They used to be everywhere. - Uh...

Maybe I could find one on Tinder. I just...

Are you OK?

Yeah, totally, I think, um...

I think the sound bath just really relaxed my muscles,

- you know? - Oh, maybe Jay knows someone.

Survivalists have vans, right?

Yeah. Uh, take this.

Aw, thanks, Mags.

You're really helping me out today.

Maybe I can handle a week without Whitney.

- [ICE RATTLES] - [GURGLES]

I found something!

Gah! I've been deep

in the Wayback Machine all day

and, boy, my wrists are tired.

How did you know I was here?

- Did I post this? - Yeah.

MAGGIE: What the fuck?

"Stresstie bestie"?!

So, Whitney, she hasn't always been this hippy guru.

No, this is her, literally three years ago.

She was a slime influencer,

and she...

God, it's hot in here.

She's got an internet history

as long as my extendable duster. I mean,

we need to tell Eddie what we found here.

Right. Yes.

Uh, not... not today. Um...

Today I am an anchor.

But she needs to know who she's going into business with.

I'm worried that Eddie has given Whitney money.

We need to sit her down...

- Mags? - Oh...

Do you still know that drug dealer with the stolen lorry?

- Ah! Get in here. - What?

Yeah, she'll be with you shortly. Just come on.

[THUD]

Was his name Chins?

He only sold Xanax and poppers?

I think Chins found God.

- [MUFFLED SHOUTING] - Hey...!

Let's get some music on in here.

Come on, let's pump up the jam. Come on!

[POP MUSIC STARTS]

Whoo!

[THUD]

[GROANS]

Maggie?

Maggie!

Mags?

Sorry. Sorry, I was just checking

the floor.

Um, for heat damage, but, um...

None of this...

Um, none of this is on fire, so...

Can someone help?

There are two more of these in the Addy Lee.

- Well, what's in there? - Ice.

I got loads of ice.

I thought we could make ice sculptures.

I mean, how hard could it be? Edward Scissorhands did it,

and he was literally part-scissor.

But it's boiling hot in here.

So we get aircon. I mean, fuck the planet, right?

No, but, Krent, the heat coming

off of these things will melt the ice.

[SCREAMS]

Oh, I knew I forgot something.

What are you doing here?!

She...! She brought me here,

and then she locked me in there!

He... he is lying.

He begged me to get in there.

Please don't make me go in the hot place again, Mummy!

He was being crazy,

and I knew that you wanted to be a calm, woo-woo hippy lady.

Woo-woo?! This is my healing journey.

- No, I didn't mean that. - I knew you were full of shit.

No, I would... I would never... Two days without Whitney,

and this is what happens. Just get out!

Both of you, get the fuck out of my bar!

[KRENT CLEARS THROAT]

Get the fuck out of Krent's bar.

Get up.

- Eddie... - So...

- [KRENT SQUEAKS] - What do we do now?

I cannot believe it wasn't the fact that I'm sedated

that fucked things up -

it was just you.

I have a fire in my mouth. It's burning me.

- [DOOR OPENS] - [KRENT WAILS]

Everyone keeps asking me what to do!

It's like, how should I know?!

You know? Just because I'm the owner of the bar

and the only person who stands to benefit financially

from its success,

I should know what I'm doing. It's not fair.

Hey. Before I lost my vision,

I remember thinking that the sauna was really nice.

The seat was comfortable,

and I loved the man in the red cloak

who showed me the passage to Hades.

Thanks, man.

And, Maggie, you're a good friend.

You're trying. What else can you do?

[GROANS]

Oh, OK. If no-one minds, I'm gonna take myself

to the nearest hospital.

Listen, we can turn those stupid fucking saunas

into little private rooms, pretend it's all on purpose.

If we can make the whole place look like a proper ski...

Krent!

We're gonna go back in there, and we're gonna turn

your stupid mistake into a beautiful triumph.

For Eddie.

What are you doing?

Is this some kind of street code?

? Get up Beats 'bout waist deep

? Swallowed by beats

? I stay niche

? I've seen footage

? Noided, noided Static on my blindside

? I've seen footage, I stay noided, I've seen footage

? I've seen footage, I stay noided

? I've seen footage, I stay

? I've seen Everybody's knowin'

? Where ya think you're goin'? Ain't going nowhere

? Satellite, handle that With a lead pipe... ?

I'm scared... I...

? Like I told you, don't touch me

? What's up with it? I stay noided

? Stimulation overload account for it... ?

[DRILL WHIRS]

? Ambulance hit and run over pedestrian in Brazil

? Little tiger, boy soldier... ?

Listen, it looks worse than it is.

Anyone who's ever had their period in a white tankini

knows how to clean up a bloodstain, so...

Oh...

Oh! Dope! You came! Oh, Stefan, your mullet

looks magnif! I saved you a seat.

This is impressive.

God...?

Seriously.

It actually looks so good.

Eddie! OMG, the last 90 minutes have literally been

the hardest of my life.

I had to learn things and then answer questions.

And then Maggie hurt her...

...her... her pride, by admitting

she wasn't so great with a power tool.

Right, Krent? It was so funny!

We did so many laughs!

I really thought I'd come back to somehow even more chaos.

But... you...

You fixed it.

Thank you, Eddie.

The Time Out man is going to be here any minute.

Do my salopettes look fresh?

Get Eddie a jumper.

I am just gonna pee and stuff.

? Please, curtains in

? Start us off

? You swing first

? Sorry, I don't know what I said

? But you're crying, now, again

? Let me do my job

? Let me do my. ?

Do you think he likes my trees?

I think I should talk to him.

You have to trust me on this one -

that man will not like you.

[IN COCKNEY ACCENT] Toilet? Just down there, bruv.

What? I know how to code switch.

- [TJ SCREAMS] - Oh, no, no!

I-I didn't touch her, I swear!

Oh, God. They're gonna find the text I sent

- to my ex-girlfriend. - Maggie!

- Maggie. - It's OK. Don't panic.

I think I can get Elton to sing Candle at her fune.

No, this can't be. You can't do this to me.

Maggie!

No... Mummy, turn off the big light.

Oh!

Oh!

Aaaah...

Aaah...

Aaaa...

And that is as far as we've got.

We're still workshopping it, obviously,

but I think it's gonna be ready for the public really soon.

What?

Our Scandi noir murder mystery, immersive experience.

Literally the theme of the bar.

Did you guys not warn him?

We thought it would be fun if he felt real fear.

Oh, they forgot to give you your detective costume!

- You're a detective? - No, he's still in character.

- Eddie, why...? - And he'll give away

the ending if we let him.

This is his baby. He loved The Killing.

Yo, I've been to more escape rooms

and Punchdrunk shows than I'd like to admit, but this...

This was legit!

Yeah, I fucking love it!

- You do? - Yeah!

The cozy winter shit - that was boring,

but the horribly realistic dead body?

Yeah, that was fucking cool.

I still feel kind of sick, but Time Out will love this.

When's it... when's it launch?

Let's let Maggie clean up,

and Krent will tell you all about it.

OK.

KRENT: I can't actually tell you much because

I don't really understand it myself, but...

Krent's given us a massive casting budget.

Where do you find actors? Gumtree?

- [PHONE VIBRATES] - Leave it with me.

Genuinely, thanks for today.

Boiled Will aside, you're a great soul anchor.

I thought you wouldn't be able to accept me

as I am... now.

What?

I'd accept you even if you were a Disney adult.

Thanks.

Whitney was concerned that your chaos would bring me down again

like it did last year.

But you've changed. I can really see that.

Will, on the other hand. Wait, what did Will do?

He basically declared his love for me after the abortion.

Whitney helped me see how toxic that was.

She has helped me so much.

It's like, before I met her...

...I'd been holding my breath.

Like, since Dad died.

And now...

...I'm breathing again.

I want to learn from Whitney.

Really.

Maybe she could help with my scalp thing.

Me and Whitney are moving to Devon.

We're starting an intentional community down there.

That's where she's been this week.

Wow.

Well, um, I have...

I have always wanted to spend more time on trains,

so we'll make it work.

Hey, maybe tomorrow we could have

- a real day off together. - Eddie?

I tried calling you. Are you OK?

Hey! You're back early.

Oh! Maggie's here!

She really helped me.

There was this whole Krent-related emergency.

Oh, hey, Whitn...

Ahhh.

Maggie really wants to learn from you, Whit.

She responded so well to your techniques today.

If that's OK with you.

Of course.

Anyone with an honest heart is welcome in my world.

You look stunning.

Did you have a facial or something?

Hey, I wasn't on vacation, Eddie.

I was securing our future.

Of course. I-I'm so sorry.

You work so hard for us.

I guess the ocean just did wonders for my inner light.

Yeah. Wow.

Well, that light certainly is

blindingly white.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

? No matter how long, no matter how long we suffer

? Still can't keep it off my mind

? Keeping this home Keeping this home together

? Despite your appetite to lie... ?

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