Original subtitles

Mysterious.

Where are you

taking me?

Nice try!

Didn't you check the license plate?

I'm sorry. I was busy sourcing 100 yards of dog leash. What happened to my car?

Run.

guess what i'm about to tell you oh my god are we merging precincts again no

guys there is a new movie coming out about animal control and the star really

wants to play the role accurately so he's coming here today to shadow one of

oh yeah well washington box office boys and canceled one of you wants to grace

it's bradley boyd bradley boyd the action star of the diffuser franchise

only thing you can't diffuse is himself

Because he's a live wires. He works on two levels. No, I get it. I get it.

You're going to shout on me. I claim it. And I will fight anyone on this,

especially Templeton. Hey, Emily, any other big announcements you want to make

today over the radio?

I don't know. I think having a movie star at the office is pretty neato

mosquito.

Americans are so obsessed with celebrities.

Nobody bothers famous people in New Zealand. That's because you don't have

Yeah, we do. And when I see Brian Sargent at the fish and chip shop, I

alone.

Hello. He played Trevor the Rat in Meet the Feebles.

Totally, totally, totally.

Hey, Templeton, can I see you in my office for a second?

Actually, anything you have to say to me, you can say loudly to all.

Okay, well, your prescriptions are at Bettany's desk, but I'd prefer if you

forwarding them to the office. They get mixed in with the dog meds, and all of

the dogs are aroused.

Copy. Oh, hi.

Waffle time, waffle time.

Hey, do you know why Temple's been so pouty today?

I checked, and no swimsuit models from the 80s recently passed. I think he was

hoping you would say something about his birthday.

It's his birthday?

Today? Why didn't someone say something?

Well, Daisy would have, but she's on her Beatlemania cruise. She keeps sending

me pictures of herself in the octopus's garden. It's really just a swimming

pool. Oh, man, I have to make it up to him. I'm supposed to pretend to love

everyone the same, like a stepmom with three new kids.

You got it, stepmom.

The lemonade and waffles. Oh, I miss those. Used to be my thing.

I don't know if you noticed or not, but I've been trying to tighten the cage.

Oh, yeah, man. That thing is padlocked. Got this family reunion coming up. Going

on a 10 -day juice cleanse to kind of get across the finish line. So it's 10

days, just juice.

No solids.

Maybe the occasional nut milk.

You know I love a challenge. If you want somebody to paddle down the juice river

with you.

I'm there. No, I don't think you understand. See, I had to mentally

this thing for weeks. It would just break you.

Dude, I was nearly an Olympic athlete. I bet I'd last longer than you. You

throwing down the gauntlet? Oh, I think it's been thrown.

My middle name is self -controlled.

It's on.

Yeah, it is.

But not for money, because Maya gets upset.

Oh, for God's sake, he's an actor, not the Pope.

He disarmed the Pope in Diffuser 4, White Smoke, Black Smoke.

He's here.

Bradley Boyd is here.

Damn it, that's mine.

You can't own a post.

Public domain.

High five.

Um, everyone, I'd like to introduce you to Mr.

Bradley Boyd.

It is an honor.

Hi, Frank Shaw, former detective.

I don't typically gush, but, uh...

I like your movies. Frank is one of our most capable officers, and he'll be

showing you around today.

Now, my knowledge of animals is limited, even though I did diffuse an exploding

python in a TikTok promo.

I know you're used to a lot of action, but get ready to see some crazy stuff.

I'm talking apex predator.

You. I love your energy, baby.

Straight guys are so gay.

Oh, you caught me on groin dagger.

You're going to gawk, at least throw me a tip.

I just came to say happy birthday, Templeton.

Sorry I didn't give you a shout -out this morning, but we made you a card.

A copy paper?

Yeah. With one signature from all of us?

The card wasn't passed around.

The card has zero passes. Oh, okay.

It's a little harsh, but...

You are right. You deserve more.

You know, at the 2 -3, we used to write and perform poems for birthdays.

Odes, epics, typical 2 -2 behavior to half -ass my special date on purpose.

No, no, no, it wasn't on purpose. Can you please let me make it up to you?

show up to the multi -purpose room tonight for my dip party.

Uh, like, like dipping tobacco?

Gross, no.

Sharing dips with my closest friends. Beans, spinach artichoke, snickerdoodle

hummus dessert.

Yum. And I will be there. I'll bring guacamole. Yawn.

Don't forget to bring lots of neutral crackers.

I can do that.

Love your workout.

Sorry the gerbil call took so long. I mean, we do have to weigh them, though.

It's protocol.

Yeah, well, I apologize for being so skittish. Gotta bring that up with my

chakra guy. Could be a blockage. You know I rescued 24 animals in 24 hours?

How would I know that? Watch out!

Future handbag! Coming through. I'm kidding. Yeah, I had to wrestle this guy

an unlicensed street performer. Pike plays not quite the show.

How did you get the call? I usually handle the bitey stuff. Because it

call. I just saw it and I took initiative. Oh, you know what? My

initiative is the first step to doing something.

Yeah. Do you want me to take his mouth tape off so you can get a pic with your

head in there?

Yes, I would love that.

Ooh, sitting down already.

Just a little double vision, but other than that, it's all good.

Your body's detoxing from all the sugar you had at breakfast.

Whatever. It's called hypersluff.

Pretty common for the ill -prepared.

Dead man wobbling.

Hey, my dad's a dead man. You take that back.

Is that what I said?

I shouldn't have had so many fudges to go that night.

Hey, I need your help. Clear the annex kennel and your conscience.

Okay. I am a weak but willing partner. Can I bring my juice?

Is that a painting of you?

Oh, it's my grandpa.

He was painted when weight equated to great wealth.

Little dog on the loose. He's out for blood.

Careful. It's a dangerous animal.

Thankfully, so am I.

Consider the situation diffused.

What?

Frank, that was epic.

Give me a glimpse into your insides.

What are the feels like in that moment?

Does the wind feel?

It just is, right? Damn it, that's beautiful.

I wish we could go deeper, but I have to get to set.

You know what?

You should come with me.

I have to work, but I can quit.

You're riding the back of a Kia Soul?

I'm just messing.

It's a Lambo. With the butterfly doors? Hell yeah. I mean...

Yeah, we can take yours.

Frank,

free. It's all free.

What are you doing here? It's guest of talent only. Yeah, the abominator

me after a bag that came in. Oh, he was just being nice. You should probably go

before you embarrass yourself. No, he sent a car and there was a driver

with an iPad that said Victoria.

Don't be jealous.

All right, let's get it quiet on set.

You still hungry? Because I can bring you a pail of corn nuts.

Hey, Natty baby, you hear me? Yeah.

I'm going to try something on this one, all right? Stay on your toes.

You got it, Bradley boy.

Action!

Oh, when you said this was single source, was that source the garbage?

He kind of sounds like you.

Mechanic hero, get a decent cup of joe, catching 24 animals in 24 hours.

Oh, yeah.

That's definitely it. Oh, this movie's going to be even better than I thought.

Ah, damn it.

What is that?

Fred Taylor arranged this.

Make sure that we had extra alpaca.

That's my favorite.

Patel to Fred. Go to hell. Go straight to hell.

Who's weak now, bitch?

Sorry. Sorry, I'm hungry. Sorry. You know, you were supposed to help me, not

sabotage me with juicy spinning meats. And, oh, my God, is that over Chata Bar?

with the competition. I'm going to step right back, brother. So we're stepping

all over each other's toes and stuff.

I'm going to go lock myself in the kennel and I hope the smell of urine is

overwhelming.

I'm on a cliff!

Hey, uh, great stuff out there. Um, you know, Victoria said something funny. She

said you were doing an impression on her.

Keen eye, that one.

But I need to work on your mannerisms.

Oh, well, I'm known for my posture. I'm 6 '3", but I read 6 '6". I cross my

arms a lot, though, to judge people and keep myself warm.

What else?

Your knitted brow indicates both intelligence and a cynical skepticism

the world.

Mm -hmm, mm -hmm, mm -hmm, mm -hmm, mm -hmm, mm -hmm, mm -hmm.

The rum -tum -tugger is a curious cat.

The Rum Tum Tugger is a terrible boy.

I always wondered what it was like to hang out with me. This is great. This

been so helpful. I've been trying to put my finger on the essence of this

character, and I finally have it.

He's a dick.

Well, I don't know if I'd call him that. I mean, probably gardens, read the

literature, maybe a proud cat dad.

Okay, I like this one.

He uses his sarcasm to protect himself.

Okay, yeah, yeah, that's what he does.

Hey, um, I'm full. Let's go.

Oh, so you're ready to go? You sure you don't want to crunch your way through

the next scene, too? Well, I had to do something. Your scene was so boring.

Probably went over your head. I assume you spent your school years under the

bleachers? I would be offended if that wasn't entirely true.

Uh, in high school, my principal allowed me to call him by his first name.

Jeffrey. I have a movie -related question.

How do you smash a glass bottle over someone's head without them bleeding

Oh, he can't tell you that. It's one of the many secrets of the silver screen.

We use sugar glass.

Fascinate me.

I'm going to see a prop that sends you over a six -pack.

Wait. Is he into you? Wait, are you into him? No, he's a stupid celebrity. I

just like being here because it's not work.

You're in my chair. Move.

Also, am I a dick?

Yeah, massive.

Shh.

I don't know why you only wear this on laundry day. I mean, this is peak Emily.

I look like I went swimming in a lost and found.

Wait, you have to throw away ketchup, too?

It's all a temptation.

All right, you were this close to turning into a cartoon turkey leg.

Yeah.

Oh, no.

No. Oh, I totally forgot about Templeton's dip party thing.

I'm going to be late, late, and not 10 minutes early, late.

We still have to get to all the sultry. Oh, yeah. I need that, actually.

Okay, bye.

Bye.

Hmm. You have a great turnout.

Hey, what are you doing? Don't get your hair in there. You don't have a hairnet

on. Disgusting.

Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry I'm late. There was traffic.

There were cars.

Save it. Save it.

Okay, I already missed the toast and the roast and the birthday spankings.

Not to mention you're dressed like a common subway flasher.

Okay, a flasher would never wear as big of underwear as I have on right now.

You know, you say you want this happy merger of the precincts. Yeah, you don't

even show up for one of your key officer special days.

And where are the tutu losers?

Where are they? Oh, oh, I know. You probably didn't invite them. Well, I

realize I was supposed to.

You don't realize much, do you?

Like your plodding approval ratings?

What? Yeah, I did a survey, monkey.

Okay, let me guess. These people are the only ones who sold it out? These

people. Do you see what I'm shielding you from? She likes this all the time.

I'm just using plural pronouns. Don't agitate them. You're right. I shouldn't

make this about them because it's about me. And you don't like me, and that's

why you dissed me on my special day. Not for nothing, but you're not pulling off

those basketball shorts.

Yes, I am. You don't know fashion, okay? I am pulling them off. You know what?

Templeton, you're right. I don't like you.

And why would I? You're crude, you're disrespectful, and you've said from day

one that you're coming for my job. So I did not forget your birthday on purpose.

But maybe there was some kind of subconscious thing going on, because

the time you act like such a D .I .C.

Oh, you can't say the K.

K?

I'm sorry, team, for swearing. I'm just going to go, but I'm taking this with

me. And I made you a really nice salsa, a pico de gallo.

So, pico de bio.

Director said you wanted to speak with me, specifically not Victoria.

What's up?

supposed to release this rehabilitated eagle, right? But he just stands on my

arm. There's no spark.

And, I mean, we supposedly, you know, just saved a school bus together.

Well, chemistry's tricky. You can't fake it. That's why 50 % of all eagle

marriages end in divorce.

Damn. Well, let me know if you think of something, okay?

Oh, and by the way, what's your vacation policy?

I mean, is it a two -week trip to San Sebastian and the guards?

Well, between vacation days, sick days, and inventing dead relatives, I can make

any trip work. Awesome.

Now I'm thinking about flying Victoria over on the PJ for the Tempranillo

harvest. Bradley. Oh.

Back to your earlier question, look at eagles straight in the eye. They respond

very well to unbroken eye contact.

Okay, we're framed.

And... Action.

Looks like those kids are going to get to recess after all.

Cut!

Cut! Cut!

I wouldn't even antagonize that bird on purpose.

Who knows? He's an actor.

I didn't put him in the hospital, the eagle did. I mean, the bird didn't even

touch him. He had an anxiety attack and is now refusing to go back to work

because you told him to stare down a bird of prey. Now the entire movie is on

hold. Seattle needs this. Frank, this could be the next Sleepless.

Well, technically, you've got mail. What's the next leaflet? All right, I

you to go down to the hotel, apologize to Bradley, and get him back to set. No,

he called me a dick. Okay, well, the mayor's media liaison is really

down my neck for this one, so now I'm breathing down yours. Okay, but are we

going to address this slanderous name he called me?

Well, one way to prove that you're not a... is to hat and hand yourself down to

the presidential suite and just get this movie back on track, please.

Okay, fine.

I'll run you a little errand.

And it's not my fault that sardonic wick goes over all these morons' heads.

Okay, yeah, I heard it.

I'm officially over the hump.

I'm post -food. I don't even need this at the cashew feds. Post -food?

Really? Yeah.

Oh, great, so you wouldn't mind if I did this? No, I wouldn't. No, no, no, no,

no! Of course I mind!

Don't you know false bravado when you hear it? You're really losing it, man.

I guess you wouldn't mind if I did this? Of course! I didn't even bluff that I

didn't. I'm so hungry that I'm nauseous. You know what makes me nauseous? The

way you prance around the office like you're the world's most charming boy.

Well, you're a grumpy old man who always needs a nap.

Stop having kids if you hate them so much. At least I can have kids. That's

right. I know all about your frozen rooster. Perez Hilton was wrong about my

rooster. It works just fine.

We're insulting each other's penises. I'm out.

You win.

I need to trail mix.

No.

Don't do that.

Don't do that. Ow!

I'm not going to let you give up. I can't. I can't do it.

Look at me.

I can't do it. Yes, you can.

Because I can't either.

But together, we can do anything.

Just dogs for life.

Just dogs for life.

God, our grip strength is so weak.

I told me to get after your boss and made you come down here to apologize.

It's a good guess, just like in Diffuser 4 when you had to guess which wire to

cut.

Wait, that was all those movies.

I've got to ask, Frankie, why, huh?

Why did you put me in danger like that?

I didn't like the inaccurate way you were portraying my industry.

You don't handcuff the animals and read them their rights.

Some of them don't understand English.

No, that's not it. See, I am in you now. I am in your psyche.

Something else is motivating your...

vindictive choices no get out of my psyche stop it was it jealousy greed

unrequited love whoa that bidet is

crazy oh hi you're here oh

nice little bang hang yeah yeah i feel that

anyway um sorry about the bird um see it work i'll put the

Do not disturb sign up at that late. Okay.

Hey, I just, I wanted to apologize for last night, even though our relationship

is... Terrible?

Yeah, it's not great, but I mean, that's partly my fault. I should never have

gotten personal with you last night.

I knew what I signed up for when I agreed to work for a female.

I'm trying to apologize here. I mean, it's not like you didn't say something

too, right?

Kind of a two -way street.

I guess I can have some big feelings on my special day. My mom didn't believe in

celebrating birthdays.

Yet, there was always a cake on flag day.

Well, you know what? I promise to make better birthday memories for you

right now.

Attention, everyone. I would like to publicly acknowledge the belated

of our very own Templeton Doug, who we're so lucky to have.

And if you wouldn't mind following me into the kitchen, I have a little

waiting.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you.

Why are we stopping? Let's keep going.

No! What the heck, you guys? I'm so sorry. We're so sorry. Look away.

Don't look at us.

Really twisting the knife on my special day, boss.

Well, that's how you want to play it. Game on.

No. No, no, no. No, Templeton. This wasn't on purpose. I'm so sorry.

Victoria.

You and Bradley.

So, falling under the spell of a celebrity is pretty American of you.

And I ate my body weight in peanut butter and my name is pretty American of

Well, I think that movie is going to be a bust.

I mean, his impression of me is... Right.

You're right. His impression of you is way off because you were amazing last

night.

It was hot.

Hey, Shrek, I would have never eaten that cake if it wasn't for you.

That was my partner. Now who's going to give me my coffee?

No! We are civilized people!

Please, stop fighting!

No! Oh, my God, I'm calling 911.

Gotcha!

It's Sugar Glass from props department.

Uh -huh, then why is Frank bleeding?

Wait, wait, Frank, are you okay?

Whoa, fake blood.

Nice.

No, no, I bit through my tongue. I thought I was an asshole.

And this is why we don't play with movie props at the office.