Original subtitles

Don't do that.

Why not?

Because. Because what?

Because I don't want you to touch me there. Why not?

Because I said so.

Just let me put my hand there. I won't even move it. Promise? I swear to God.

All right, then.

All right, then.

I thought you said you weren't going to do that.

I thought you promised.

So I would.

Don't do that.

Why not?

Because. Because what?

Because I don't want you to. I told you that. What is wrong with my just keeping

my hand there and not moving it? But you don't just keep your hand there without

moving it. I will this time.

I don't believe you. I promise. You promised last time. I had my fingers

crossed.

But last time, don't do that. Don't do what?

You know damn well what. No, I don't. I am doing nothing.

Well, then stop doing nothing.

Yeah.

Your sister Joyce sure is sexy.

Yeah, but she looked even better before she bleached her hair.

I still think she's sexy.

I still think she's a creep.

Miss Fitzgerald takes her chaperone role seriously?

Yeah, she's a bigger drag at parties than she even is at school.

But she's still the sexiest teacher at school.

Yeah, and the most uptight.

At least they graduated.

What are you looking at? Oh, Joy, she's taking off all her clothes.

Come on, let me see.

Philly, what are you doing?

Exercising. One, two.

Are you all right? Yeah.

Philly, were you peeking at a girl in the bathroom?

No, I was exercising.

I know it's normal for a boy your age to be curious about the other sex.

Yes, ma 'am.

Philly.

The thing is to find girls whose age is more appropriate for you.

Yes, ma 'am.

Let's go back to the party and find someone for you to dance with.

Now, we were supposed to go on a fishing trip to Canada this week. How come you

didn't? My dad got this dumb business trip he has to take first.

Now I have to wait three lousy weeks.

You wouldn't have had much fun anyway. I'm not sure I would.

Three weeks. Philly!

Yeah? What about lunch?

I think I'm going to eat at the airport with my dad.

All right.

At what time would you like to have your dinner, then?

About seven, I guess.

Won't that be too late?

No. All right, then.

Whatever you say, sir.

So that's your new housekeeper, Miss Mao, huh? Yeah.

How old do you think she is?

I don't know.

25 or 30. Old, but not as old as the rest we've had. Think she puts up?

I don't know. Maybe.

Morning, Billy.

Oh, morning, Mr. Green.

Think she'll do it for the gardener? I don't know. Maybe.

Think she'll do it for the chauffeur? Unless you're the fruit, nobody would do

it for him.

I think I better walk into the gate. Yeah, I think you better.

Did she do it for you?

For me? Yeah, definitely.

Or maybe.

Well, if you strike out with her, just remember to send her over to me, okay?

What, are you crazy?

You wouldn't even get up to bat. Yeah, that's what you think.

Green, please stay away from the car. I just washed it. Sure.

Do you see what you've done here?

Yeah.

Is that all that you have to say to me?

No.

You got a pile of shit on that car.

I'll tell you something.

Hi, Joyce.

Oh, hi, Philly.

Can't you children find someplace else to play?

Don't find someplace else yourself. We were here first.

Boy, what a creep she is.

Fine, Joyce.

You should have gone to camp this summer just to get away from her.

How come you didn't? How come?

Because I've got to go on this goddamn cruise with my parents and my creepy

sister to goddamn Honolulu.

We're going to learn the goddamn hula hula.

Pretty good. Gentlemen, would you boys like something to eat?

No.

Thank you.

Guess how old she is.

I wonder what she looks like.

What do you mean, what she looks like? I mean, under her uniform.

My housekeeper?

No, my housekeeper, Miss Mallow.

You're sick.

You take care of everything while I'm away, Philly.

You're the man of the house now, you know?

Right.

You know, Philly, I wish your mother were alive so she could see how well you

can handle yourself now.

Well, anyway, you listen to Lester and show the new housekeeper the ropes. You

think you can handle her? Right.

Lester, for God's sakes, don't treat my luggage like that.

Very sorry, Mr. Fillmore.

There are some important things in there. Are you aware of that?

I am relentlessly aware of that, sir.

Thank you, Lester.

Well, uh, so, I guess there's nothing else.

We'll just say goodbye.

Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Have a good trip, Dad.

I mean, isn't this the servant's pantry?

Yeah.

Don't you usually drop me off in front of the house?

Usually.

So?

So, uh, this time I didn't.

Will you be getting out here then, Philly?

Thank you, Philly.

together.

Philly, do you mind if we talk?

What about?

Things in general.

Like what?

I don't know, whatever you like.

Like, what do you do with your time?

Not too much, I guess.

What is there for me to do in this area?

On my nights off?

I don't know.

There's a movie theater downtown, a drugstore, a couple of bars, I guess.

Not too much, really.

What did the other girls do on the nights off?

I mean, the other housekeepers.

The other housekeepers aren't exactly what you'd call girls.

They were mostly elderly women. Their nights off, they mostly went to sleep.

You mean your previous housekeepers have been elderly women mostly? Mm -hmm.

That must not have been too interesting for you.

What do you mean?

You mean it must not have been too interesting for a young man of 15, is

Going on 16, I'm not sure I got your point. What do you mean it must not have

been too interesting?

I mean, it must not have been so interesting to sit across from your

housekeepers and look up their dresses like you're looking at mine right now.

Why do you say things like that?

Well, why shouldn't I?

Because they embarrass me, that's why.

I was only teasing you.

Did you have a good time?

Oh, yeah.

Very good.

Hey, I did not want to embarrass you, really.

All right.

Will you forgive me?

I don't know.

Lester?

Lester!

Lester!

I plan to do some shopping this afternoon. Can you drop me off at the

Well, Miss Mallow, I suppose. I do have an appointment in town. I can't be late,

but, uh, sure.

I'd really appreciate that.

But can I change out of my uniform first? Is that all right?

Fine. Just don't be all day about it.

Thank you.

Thank you for waiting, Lester.

Thank you.

Well,

Nicole, how is everything going?

Just fine, Doctor.

You seem to be getting along with Philly very well. So when are you going to get

it on with him?

I don't know.

You don't know?

Now, listen, sweet pants.

Mr. Fillmore's trip is a short one, and this whole thing has to be over and done

with by the time he gets back.

But, Lester, he's just a 15 -year -old boy.

15 is the perfect age.

Just think, you're giving him private lessons, an advanced education.

I just feel bad about it. If you don't do it, you're going to feel a hell of a

lot worse.

Is this a threat, Lester?

That is exactly what it is.

Philly, don't leave it there.

What? I said don't leave your bike there.

Why not?

It's not safe.

Why not?

It might get run over, disfigured, mangled beyond recognition.

By who?

Careless motorists.

Well, there aren't any motorists in this driveway, except you.

Got it? I'm coming up.

Let's go.

All right.

Okay. All right.

Let's go.

Ow. Are you okay?

Yeah. Give me the camera.

Okay.

Keep going.

Now.

One,

two,

three, go.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. Okay.

My stomach helped me.

Oh, yes.

She's unbuttoning her uniform. She'll be great.

Oh, yes.

She's doing it. Oh, yes. This is going to be terrific.

Clean underwear.

There she goes. Go.

Oh, this is going to be terrific.

Put the jacket on.

Okay.

Check.

What will it be now?

Is she gone? I'm afraid to look.

Oh, damn it! Oh, no.

Damn it.

What a wasted night.

Philly.

Yeah? I hope you haven't been upsetting her.

What? Miss Mallow, I hope you haven't been upsetting her.

She shouldn't be upset.

Why not?

Her heart.

She had a mild attack on her last job. That's why she had to leave.

You're kidding me.

You mean she didn't tell you?

No.

Really? I thought you two told each other everything.

She is so

beautiful.

Portrayed on a train set.

Tell her that I care, next time you see her. Tell her that

I love her, next time I see you. Oh, you better be well.

I will show it to you when you see her again.

I will show it to you next time you see her.

The love that I love her, next time you see her. The love that I

care, next time you see her.

The love that I love her, next time I see you.

Boy, you better be well.

with you today, silly?

Huh?

You've hardly said a word to me all day.

Oh.

Are you mad at me for teasing you for looking up my dress?

No.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

Well, then, what is it?

I don't know.

Are you too tired to talk to me?

I get that.

Hard day on the old bike, huh?

Yeah. Come inside, dear.

Well, well, well.

Yes, well, big deal.

Really?

If you want to watch me undress so badly, why don't you tell me?

What? I said if you want to watch me undress so badly, you should have told

What do you mean?

Oh, do you want to watch me undress?

Well, uh...

Sure. I guess so.

Go and close the door.

What? I said close the door.

I'm not sure I got you right. Did you want me in or out?

Do you want to watch me undress?

I guess so.

In there.

Have a seat.

Ready?

Still with me, silly?

Pardon? Do you still want me to continue?

Yeah, yes, please.

Not growing bored?

Are you sure?

Oh, yes.

Well. Huh?

What do you think of them?

Huh?

My breasts.

How do you like them?

Oh.

Nice.

Very nice.

Well?

Would you like to touch them? Touch them?

Yes.

Oh, no.

Not right now.

Thank you.

Are you sure?

Uh, yeah. Um, maybe later.

Good.

But you still want me to continue, though?

Um... Yes, please.

Here. I think I'd better go now.

Oh, so soon?

You won't stay?

No, I'm sorry. I don't think so.

Oh, what a pity.

All right. Well, good night, Philly.

Good night, Nan. And thank you. I really enjoyed it. No, thank you. We should do

this again sometime.

Yeah. Thank you.

Philly, it's you.

Hi, Florence.

Sherman, it's for you.

Isn't it a little late for visitors?

Over here, we're making milkshakes in the kitchen. Great.

You'll never guess what just happened to me. What? You want to guess?

Uh, no.

Oh. Oh, do you boys have business you want to discuss?

Excuse me.

Get out of here, you creep.

So, what's up? Oh.

About ten minutes ago, I'm walking past Miss Mallow's bedroom, and she stops me

in the hall and asks me if I want to come inside.

Yeah? So I say sure, and I go inside.

Then she asks me if I want to watch her strip naked.

Naked? Yeah.

So I say sure. So she does.

She takes off all her clothes.

Everything. And I mean everything.

So then what?

What do you mean, so then what? So then I came here to tell you. Are you kidding

me?

I'm not kidding you. Why do you think I'm kidding you? I suppose you screw

housekeeper every goddamn night.

Not every night.

Oh, you and old Florence make a great couple. You know that.

Philippe?

Yeah? Is something wrong?

No. No, why?

Are you embarrassed about last night?

No. Why?

Are you sure you're not embarrassed about seeing me naked last night?

No. Why do you ask?

Why don't you come and visit me tonight after I've finished with the dishes?

We could talk.

Sherm? Philly?

Get your boys to work on your backhand today.

Hey, hey.

I don't want you peeking in the girls' locker room anymore either, huh?

Uh -huh.

Okay. Go out and get them.

Boy, that guy is weird.

Yeah, him and Lester will make a great couple.

Yeah, he's okay. He could have gotten us thrown out of the club and he didn't.

What? For just copying and peeking at the girls in the locker room?

Come on. If we could have gotten thrown out of the club for that, then what

you'd do with old Mal could have gotten you arrested.

Shut up and play tennis, huh?

Sherman, pick up the balls.

I mean, you're very impatient.

Now, you ready?

Yeah. Here it comes.

You moron! You stupid moron that hurt!

Okay, come on, hit the ball.

and squeeze.

How the hell would you know? When was the last time you saw a knock?

Hey, Philly, Sue Island trying to let you look at hers for a dollar.

How come you didn't touch him, huh, big boy?

Well, she's got to be in the mood.

Besides, I'm a leg man.

You know, you're crazy.

You ready?

Backhand, Philly.

Backhand. Yes, sir, Mr. Travis.

Feddick.

Let's go hit it.

Be sure and tell me about tonight, lover boy.

Come in.

Hi.

I looked for you in your room and you weren't there.

You said you wanted to talk to me?

Come in, Philly. Come in.

What are you doing in my father's bathtub?

Oh, I don't think he would have minded my using his plumbing.

Do you?

No, I guess not.

Would you like to wash my back?

Well...

Would you like to join me? Would I like to what?

Take a bath with me.

You mean in there with you right now?

Mm -hmm.

Why don't you try it?

Maybe you'll like it.

Well, uh, I probably wouldn't even fit in there.

Oh, yes, you would.

I promise.

You mean you want me to take off all my clothes and everything?

Do you usually wear them when you take a bath?

No, not usually.

Oh, come on, Philly.

I won't even look.

I don't know.

Come on, it will be an adventure.

Well, all right.

Good.

Hey, where are you going?

To get undressed.

Well, hello.

Hi.

Don't you want to take your robe off and join me?

Okay, just a sec.

Bathing trunks?

Well, that's marvelous.

Won't you take them off?

No.

All right, then.

Come in the bath with your bathing trunks.

Now be careful.

Be careful, would you?

Hey, what's your shoulder?

Well, how does that feel?

Are you sure you don't want to take them off?

Okay, under one condition.

What's that?

That we put out the lights.

It's a deal.

Thank you.

Be careful.

Can I help you?

No, it's okay.

I think I'd better go now.

Vinnie, wait a second.

Wait a second, will you?

What?

I'm sorry.

Will you forgive me?

Okay.

Prove it.

By sleeping with me tonight.

No, thanks.

Philly!

Why not?

Well, I tried it once before in summer camp, and I know for a fact that you

can't get a good night's sleep when someone else is in the same bunk with

Well, thank you. It's been a lovely evening.

Philly, just to show that there's no hard feelings, would you kiss me

Okay. Is it all right if I give you good night?

I guess so.

What's with other people? Except for the Japanese, I mean. Have you heard of

any? No, nobody except the Japanese.

Did you touch them? What? They're knockers. Did you touch them?

Sort of. What do you mean, sort of?

Did you or didn't you?

Well, uh, not with my hands. With my elbows.

Doesn't that get broads hot, touching their knockers even with your elbows?

I don't know.

I hate this.

Girls let you touch their knockers if they like you or if they're going steady

with you. If they let you get any farther than that, either they have to

whore or else they're married to you. Isn't that right?

I don't know.

Hey, Philly, stay out of my son, all right?

Hey, Philly, you want to know what I think?

What? I think Miss Mallory's a whore. No, she's not.

Yes, she is. No, she's not. Just because she took a bath with me doesn't make

her a whore.

Lots of people take baths with other people.

Who?

The Japanese.

You said so yourself.

Maybe she's part Japanese.

Hey, Phil, you want to know what else I think?

What? I think you're falling for her.

You're crazy.

No, I'm not.

Sherman?

What?

Listen, Sherman.

What? Do you think that if a guy touches a woman's knockers, not on a date, but

in his own house, think that it would still count as getting second base?

With his hands or with his elbows?

With his hands.

No, I think it has to be on a real date.

Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Ooh.

You might at least have a few of these covered grapes while you're at it.

Darling girl.

You're getting better at that. Last time you broke the glass as well.

I can't tell you what it means for me to be a...

Move your hand.

Do you think they suspect?

My husband knows nothing.

He still thinks I'm with a tour.

Watch it.

But darling, we've so little time.

Excuse me.

I'm sorry. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Oh, excuse me. I'm silly.

Oh, hi, Joyce.

Hi.

Don't you think she's one of the most fantastic creatures?

I like you better.

You make me blush.

Hold on a second.

Hello? Hello, son.

Oh, hi, Dad.

How you doing, Philly?

Great, just great. Good, good. Well, it's going pretty good here, too, and

got a lot to tell you when I get back. By the way, how's the new bike working

out? Any snags? Oh, no.

Bike's just fine.

Glad to hear it. And Miss Mallow, is she working out okay, too?

Oh, yes.

Miss Mallow's working out fine, too.

Oh, good.

Well, put her on, will you?

Do you want to talk to her?

Yeah.

She's not here right now. She's in the john.

Well, what's so funny?

Oh, nothing, Dad.

I've got a lot of work to do before tomorrow's meeting. So you say goodnight

Miss Mallow for me, will you?

Okay, I'll say goodnight to Miss Mallow for you, Dad.

And you take care now, huh? Okay, Dad.

Okay, son. Goodnight.

Goodnight, Dad.

We have you

Listener

are we going to you know

Would you like to

Except for one thing.

What?

Well, I don't really know how.

Well, I might be able to show you.

Good.

I'd just like to say one thing before we start.

What? That I respect you. I don't think that you're a whore or anything like

that. That's very sweet of you, Philly.

I'd also say that I'm prepared to marry you, um, whenever you say.

Oh, well, you don't have to say that.

No, I'm not just saying that. I'm not just handing you a line or anything.

I want to marry you.

Anthony, listen to me.

A man and a woman should only get married when they want to raise a family

together or when they want to live together.

What's wrong with that?

A man and a woman should only get married.

When they love each other.

But I do love you.

Don't you love me?

I guess so.

But you don't want to marry me, is that it?

I didn't say that. No, you didn't say that, but that's what you were thinking,

isn't it? That's what you were thinking, that some silly -ass little kid has

just told you that he loves you and wants to marry you. It's probably all

could do to keep from laughing out loud.

Silly, you're wrong.

I'm not wrong. I should have kept my big mouth shut.

You what?

You asked her to marry you?

What, are you sick?

Yeah, I know. I should have played it cool. I should have strung her along for

while. That's the way you have to treat women.

So tell me, did you get the second base?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Was it fun?

Oh, sure, you know.

Yeah. But why'd you even have to ask her to marry you?

What?

If she's that easy, she's probably a whore. She's not a whore. There's two.

She's not.

Back in the morning I stared out the window and I struggled for something

to...

Listen, I just wanted to apologize for the way I've been acting.

I guess I've been acting very juvenile lately, and I'm sorry.

Okay?

But I guess we might just go study for a while.

Fantastic.

child just let your inhibitions run wild

the secret is about to unfold

I love that dress you're wearing. It's really beautiful. Thank you.

Well, where do you plan to take me tonight?

This little place that I know.

You'll enjoy it.

Oh, Aletta seems to be in a good mood.

So am I.

Hop in.

Thank you for the corsage.

It's truly beautiful.

Well, I'm glad you like it.

And the Chateaubriand for two.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And I think I have a glass of white wine to go with it.

Madame is perhaps mistaken.

With the red meat, we have the red wine.

Excuse me.

The lady prefers the white wine.

I'd like you to bring her what she prefers.

Whatever you say, monsieur. You are the boss, no?

He's a jolly good fellow, which nobody can deny.

Monsieur, wish some dessert?

The Napoleon, peut -être?

The rum au baba?

The mousse au chocolat? The mousse is very nice for you, madame. It is, how

say, succulent?

No, thank you very much. We've had enough, thank you.

Monsieur, wish the coffee, the tea.

The espresso, the cappuccino, the San Cabran decaffeinated coffee. The

cappuccino is very nice for you, madame. No, thank you. Really, we've had

enough. Madame, wish the after -dinner liqueur, the calua, the tambuca, the

amaretto. I said we've had enough.

Ah, ah, ah. Monsieur, wish the after -dinner mint, the frango mint.

The check.

May we just have the check, please?

Thank you for a lovely evening. You're welcome. Well, did you believe that

waiter with his funny accent?

Oh, God, I'm so proud of you.

You're a real gentleman, you know?

Smello, I love you.

Ouch! Oh, sorry.

Philippe, turn on the lights, will you?

Bye.

Bye. Bye.

You can't fool me.

I've been loving you too long.

It started so easy.

You want to carry on.

I want to carry on.

Excuse me, but am I hurting you?

Miss Mallow, are you okay?

Miss Mallow! Miss Mallow!

Oh, no.

Miss Mallow.

Oh, my God, she's dead!

What is it? I killed her. Calm down.

Billy, what are you saying?

She's dead.

I want to know how this happened, Philly.

I want to know what filthy thing you were doing.

I want you to tell me.

It must have been her heart.

And she had a weak heart.

Operator, give me the police.

Don't!

Please don't tell them I...

Hold, please.

What, do you want me to tell them, Philly, that I did it? Or that she did

herself? They're not going to believe that, you know.

Don't tell them anything.

Don't even call them. Please, hang up the phone, Lester. I'll do anything.

Please, just help me.

Very well.

May I suggest we begin by covering her up?

Perhaps we should put her somewhere where it's cool, so she doesn't rot too

quickly.

What are you going to do with all this food? Want it spoiled?

Would you rather the food spoil or Miss Mallow spoil?

Well, that should be sufficient.

Let's pop her in, shall we?

On three. One.

Three. A stack of potatoes.

Okay, mash her down.

These Europeans never did fit in.

We can't just leave her where she is for too long, you know.

Your father will be home in a week or two.

Suppose he takes it into his mind to get some lamb chops from his freezer.

I think your father, from what I know of him, would be quite disappointed to

find Miss Mallow.

instead of lamb chops in his freezer, don't you?

That's not necessary.

Perhaps not, but it is worthy of your consideration, Philly.

Don't you think your father would be more than disappointed to find Miss

all frozen rock hard in his freezer instead of some nice baby lamb chops?

Aren't you going to help?

It's not my body.

Monster, can't you help me?

Why is this really hard?

Yes, well, you've heard the expression frozen stiff.

This is ridiculous. Philly, let's flip her over.

Here. On the count of three. This way.

One, two, three.

Got it?

Really? Good.

You okay?

Yes, actually. I quite enjoyed it, Philly.

Having the time of my life.

Are you ready?

Good.

Yes, what is it now, Philly?

It's Miss Mallow. She's not there.

She's not in her grave. She's disappeared.

What are you talking about?

She's not there. The grave's empty. I saw it.

I'm warning you, Philly. If this is your idea of some sort of childish prank...

Lester! I, for one, am not amused. But it's not. I will not deal with this as

anything other than a joke. Ouch.

Let's see what he wants.

Yes?

I found this note for you in your flower garden, Philly.

This.

The flower you two buried had to be transplanted. Leave $10 ,000 in the

flower bed tonight, and it'll be returned soon afterwards.

P .S. I hear the police like flowers, too.

surprised at the number of people who go poking through the grounds of the

wealthy at night, my boy.

So, what next?

Gosh, Buster, I don't know.

Buster, I just can't think of any other way to get the money.

Neither can I.

Buster, do you think we should be doing this?

Well, Philly, do you want Miss Mallow back?

Of course.

Then open the safe and get the $10 ,000.

Who knows? Your father may not even notice it's missing.

That's him.

Do you mind? Of course not.

What am I going to tell my father when he comes home and discovers $10 ,000

missing? What are you going to tell him when Miss Mallow's remains turn up at

the police station?

Hey, Lester, look at this.

Good work, Philly.

What are you doing here now?

Why aren't you at the hotel?

Because I was sick of staying at that sleazy place.

Nicole, he'll see you.

Well, I don't care.

I want him to see me. What is the matter with you?

What the hell is going on, Nicole?

A belated case of conscience, maybe?

Well, that's very sweet.

Look, the old man may not be a prize, but the kid doesn't deserve to have it

done to him.

You've got a crush on a 15 -year -old boy.

Oh, shut up.

Tell me.

When you slept together, did he wet the bed?

Lester, I'm warning you, if you don't shut up, I'm going straight... What are

you going to do? Tell me what you're going to do, sweet pants.

All right, I'll tell you.

You're going to do precisely what I tell you to do, right?

Otherwise, I'll have to tell the immigration people that you're not only

illegal alien, but a felon.

A felon? Yes.

To do to think of mine, that's a criminal offense, in case you didn't

Don't be frightened.

Now, please don't run away.

I'm sorry, Finn.

You let me think that you were dead.

That I had killed you.

Why?

Why'd you do it?

Was it just for the money?

Lester forced me into this mess.

Oh, what'd he do, put a gun to your head?

He threatened to tell immigration that I was working here illegally.

Big deal.

It was a big deal for me.

I could have been deported.

I had to do it. Don't you see?

You got your money. Why don't you just take it and go away?

I'm on your side, really.

But you loved me.

I don't trust you anymore.

All right, then. I'll go to the police.

No.

Well, what do you want me to do, then?

I don't know.

But I don't want you arrested.

Where's my father's $10 ,000?

Lester has the money.

Can you help me try and get it back?

Of course I'll help you, Philly.

Dad's gonna be home day after tomorrow.

Gonna have to hurry.

First we have to find a place to hide you.

Where? I don't know.

Sherman's potting shed.

Used to hide there all the time.

Maybe we better hurry to put some pressure on dear Lester. Oh, yeah.

Got some ideas about that already.

Good.

I missed you, Miss Mount.

Well, we came here to ask you a favor.

Anything you need.

Well, we just got blackmailed for $10 ,000.

You talked to the police?

We can't go to the police.

Oh, Mr. Travis, won't you please help us?

You need a policeman, not a tennis instructor.

But we need you, not a real cop.

You're joking. Me? A policeman?

This guy's a real bully.

And he scares easily.

So all you have to do is act like a tough cop.

But I don't know how to act like a cop.

Just be hard and tough.

Maybe we could watch Dirty Harry on television tonight.

Hi. I'm with the police department.

I'm Detective Jack Travis. Do you Fillmore? This is the Fillmore

I am not Mr. Fillmore, if that's what you're asking.

I'd like to ask a few questions. Could I come in?

No. Thank you.

Now, see here.

The... You.

I really must object to your barging in here without so much as a bio... Who are

you? Me?

I'm the houseman and chauffeur. Name?

My name?

My name is Lester Lewis. But I really must object, sir. I believe... Lester?

Yes. Shut up, Lester.

Now then, Lester, is there a Miss Nicole Mallow here? There is. That is, she

used to be here.

She's gone.

Where did she go?

Away. To Tucson.

She quit. She wasn't happy here, I'm afraid.

We've received a tip that she has met with foul play.

Foul play? What do you mean?

Homicide. This tip said she was homicided.

That's absurd.

Miss... Mallow is as alive as you or I.

I want to see your room now.

I told you you'd find nothing in Miss Mallow's room. Now, what is the point of

looking through my rooms?

Harassment.

Gee, Lester, you really do have a very interesting sense of decoration.

Thank you.

Yeah, real interesting, Lester.

Right out of Better Homes in Plaza.

Is this a friend of yours?

Yes.

Cute.

Real cute, Lester.

You know, you're real cutie pie.

This is particularly cute.

This I don't even want to know.

And pay dirt.

Planning a little trip, Lester?

Uh, no, not exactly.

Lovely things you wear.

This must look just divine on you, if you lose a little weight.

These are Miss Mallow's clothes.

She didn't have room for all of them, and she simply asked that we keep them

here and send them on after she settled in Tucson. Isn't that right, Philly?

Can I get you something to drink, officer?

Some tea, a coffee, a beer, perhaps?

Oh, boy. Oh, no.

Ah, Lester, there's more dirty laundry here than I thought.

What is this big red spot here? Is this blood?

Tomato sauce.

Tomato sauce?

Yes.

Miss Mallow was fond of eating lasagna in bed, and she frequently spilled it.

Will you hold this?

Lester, I don't believe a word you've told me so far. And as far as I'm

concerned, Miss Mallow was homicided. And you, my friend...

You are the best thing that I have for a perpetrator.

You know, I think I'm going to take you down. I'm going to book you.

If you give me a couple of hours, I can prove she's still alive.

You can? Yes.

How are you going to do that with her in Tucson?

Gee, Lester, are you sure it was Tucson?

She's not in Tucson.

She's not. Oh,

boy.

This is going to be tough.

She's elsewhere.

Where elsewhere?

She's having an abortion. I didn't want the boy to know.

That's good you did that.

Save that boy any pain.

She'll be back in three hours.

Three hours?

Good.

I'm going to see you in two hours.

Two hours? Yeah.

And you better be able to prove that girl is alive or I'm going to book you

murder one.

You can't book me for murder.

If you don't have a body, you don't have a case.

Come on.

Now, don't get any bright ideas about leaving town, because I'm going to be

watching you.

I'm going to see you in two hours from right now.

You hear me? Yes.

You hear me? Yes, I do.

Thank you, officer.

You know, Lester, I think it's shocking the way that man treats you.

I don't know why you put up with it.

Good afternoon, sir.

I'm looking for the young foreign woman I checked in here the other day.

It's a matter of some urgency.

You don't know where she is now?

If it's the woman that I'm thinking of, I think I checked her out earlier this

morning. Checked her out? Did she mention where she was going?

Walter, will you get that cat out of the lobby?

Um, listen, my friend.

Are you, uh...

Quite certain you don't recall her mentioning where she might be headed?

Well, now that you mention it, I believe she said something about going to

Tucson.

Travis scared Lester. He's looking all over for you. You don't know him. He'll

pick up the money and run.

Sherman, can we borrow a car? It's an emergency.

Sure, come on.

If we catch him now, I'm sure he'll have the money. Come on, get in.

Oh, Philly, I can't drive.

Neither can I. Can you? Sure, get in.

before!

No!

Don't hit him will you? I'm trying not to.

Please, Mr. Green, it's terribly, terribly important.

Please, yes, please.

Yes, thank you.

Yes.

Please, Mr. Green.

Are you ready, Lester?

Yes, I'm ready.

Mr. Greene!

Mr.

Greene, we need your help.

Oh, you want a chase, you sicko?

I'll give you a chase.

Lester?

Lester, over here.

Good day, sir.

Thanks a lot, Mr. Green.

Where have you been? I've been waiting 20 minutes. Sorry, sir, it's been a

difficult day for me.

And where's your tie? You know I always want you to wear a tie. Well, I'm sorry.

Lester! Oh, hi, Dad.

Hello, son.

It's nice of you to come out and meet me. Lester, you take this, and the

is in the baggage area. I'll get that.

Lester, let me help you with this, will you? Oh, no, I can get that. Oh, really?

I insist.

No, no, it's my job. Let me help you. Come on. Philly, I'll be right back,

Philly, please, please.

Lester, where are you going?

Well, I was late picking up my employer, Mr. Fillmore.

May I present Detective Travis.

My employer, Mr. Fillmore.

You're Fillmore? That's right.

Hold on, Lester. Don't go away.

By the way, Travis, I would also like to present Nicole Mallon.

Nice to see you again, Jack.

Oh, Nicole and I are old friends.

And you're Fillmore? Yes. The father? That's right. And I want someone to tell

me what the hell's going on here.

So do I.

Well, it seems it's a mystery to all of us.

Shall we be going, sir?

You get the rest of the baggage. I'll take this one.

Very well.

Well, you've certainly changed a lot lately.

I know, but most of the credit belongs to you.

Thank you.

And Lester, too, of course.

Philly, I'm going to miss you.

What do you mean?

I mean, I think that it's time for me to leave.

Why?

Well, for one thing, we'll never be able to keep our affair a secret from your

father.

And the moment he found out, he'd fire me immediately.

I guess you're right.

I don't want you to leave.

I'll miss you.

We'll always keep in touch.

Anyway, you're ready to be on your own now.

Where are you going to go?

I don't know.

I'll let you know where I am.

If you're going to get a new job, you're going to have to have a letter of

reference from my father.

Your father might not think I've been working long enough.

I didn't mean for him to write it.

But I know what he'd say if he knew you as well as I do.

She was passionate about her household duties.

And she kept things well in hand.

She gave everything she had to her employer.

when you walked into the room.

I said hello unnoticed.

You said goodbye to me.

Reason true.

The clients there spinning yards that were so lyrical.

I really must confess right here the attraction was.

I took all those habits of yours that in the beginning were

hard to accept.

Your fashion sense, your glippering, I put down to

experience.

with a Dutch accent who tried to change my point of view

her ad -lib lines were well rehearsed but my

heart cried out for you you're in my heart you're in my

soul you'll be my

Thank you.

Thank you.

you be my

Thank you, Lester.

Lester, I'll see you at three then.

Hi, Jen. Hi. Hey, do you have Mr. Marks for civics? Uh -huh. Hey, great. I'll

see you there.

I'll see you at six period then.

Oh, Miss Phipps.

Hello there.

I'm sorry, I... Philip Fillmore?

Philly!

recognize you. You've changed so much since last June.

Yes, I know. I'd like to thank you for the advice you gave me this summer. What

was that?

Find girls whose age is more appropriate for me.

Oh, right. How did it go?

Oh, it went very well.

I'd like to talk to you about it in detail.

Great. I'd love to.

Excellent.

Can we discuss it over dinner tonight?

Why don't I have my chauffeur pick you up at 8?

Thank you.

We'll be right back.