Original subtitles

All right, so you both know why you're here.

No.

No idea. Well, we have reason to believe that you were shoplifting.

What? What are those reasons?

Well...

You have three -fifth sunglasses on, and I caught you by the little sunglass

post.

We literally brought them from our house.

I had to match my outfits to my sunglasses.

Is that accessorizing?

No, I had to find the matching outfits to go with each sunglass, which is why

we're at the mall with three sunglasses.

Maybe they're, like, different prescriptions, like, indoor, outdoor,

driving glasses. I mean, obviously, yeah. Are the top ones reading glasses?

No, these are the reading glasses. Oh, okay.

But we still need, like, outfits to match each of these because, like, we

to match our clothes.

You're only wearing one outfit.

You're only wearing one outfit.

Well, yeah. Right now, when we go home and I want to, like, I don't know, wear

something to, like, a party or something, I want the sunglasses and the

to match so I don't go into the party looking like a hot mess.

Okay, well, while you were over there stealing looking like a hot mess, this

one's looking out.

Well, I was shopping.

No, it's called shoplifting. Literally looking for other things while she was

shopping for her outfit.

Okay, so I'm not going to get a confession out of you guys?

No, there's no confession to be made.

All right, well, I'm going to have to start doing my job just to make sure

doesn't happen anymore.

Right, like bringing in... We're not allowed to bring in more than one pair

sunglasses at a time.

You know, you stole the sunglasses.

We have footage.

I want to see this footage. I don't know.

We didn't steal shit.

Yeah, so you wouldn't even be able to prove it. What footage are you going to

get her walking in with three pairs of sunglasses? She didn't walk in with

She walked out with them, but she walked in. She walked in with them. She wasn't

wearing all three, but she walked in with her.

No.

Everybody in the store saw her.

There's no way. There was no one. It was just me and her in the store the entire

time. Well, I'm not here to argue with you. I'm just here to get my

And then we're going to pass this off to the real cops.

My authority.

Cops? You really think that's necessary?

Yeah. Really necessary.

Over a few girls being in the store.

You're leaving that out.

Okay, if you say so.

It's all about the details.

That's why I have this job.

As not a real cop, right?

No.

Okay, so I'm going to need these names.

Wow. Yeah, we need your names, because I'm going to have to get, like, run

background check on you guys.

Right. Yeah.

Okay, well, go ahead. Go for it. My name is Samantha.

And you?

Minx, with two X's.

Two X's.

What's your last name?

Marley.

Like Bob?

Yeah. All right, cool.

I need both your addresses.

Well, we aren't from the state.

We are actually from a completely different state.

Yeah, but you still have an address, right? In the state that you live in?

How do you get your mail?

I mean, we're all your visiting friends from out of state. We don't have an

address or email here.

No, I mean like that call.

Oh. Okay.

6453 Wintrover Street.

You live together?

Yeah. Oh, that's interesting.

You've never heard of roommates?

I guess.

I guess.

All right, well.

You sure neither one of you want to confess this?

You stealing?

Or should I just go?

Just put probable compared to my own opinion.

Well, we're going to see what's up, okay?

Whatever. All right. You both stay here. That door locks behind me, so I don't

try to escape or anything.

All right.

I'll see you in a minute.

He really thinks that he's going to just get us in trouble. What are we going to

do? I'm literally wearing three pairs of sunglasses.

He brought them in.

He's not buying the fucking story. Okay, well, he'll catch on. You just gotta

stick to the story and you'll be perfectly fine. Okay,

well, you know what? You have never gotten caught. Never once. And we do

all the time. And every single time. We've been in that situation before. Did

go to jail? No, we didn't. I literally can just get us out of the situation and

we'll go home with all three pairs of sunglasses.

Like, look. I got a pair of sunglasses on, too.

Who's to say that all of those aren't yours? I don't see no tag.

I know, baby. Who the fuck comes to the mall wearing three pairs of sunglasses?

Like I just said, you're just matching your outfits.

I mean, we're females.

Who can't believe that?

I hope you're right. I don't know how we're going to get out of this.

Trust me. We're going to get out of it.

You have to believe me, baby.

Okay.

I'm here for you.

I'm freaking out, man.

Just don't be stressed.

I promise I'll take really good care of you as soon as we make it home.

Okay. I'm better.

Yeah? I just don't even, like, what are we going to do? How are we going to get

out of this one? Like, what are we going to have to do? There's no way we can

talk ourselves out of this.

Go through yourself.

Until he believes it. Am I going to take all the blame for this now?

No, no.

There is no blame to be made.

We have both walked in.

To shop, and he's blaming us. There's no blame for either one of us. All right,

well, I better not be taking all the flack if this happens. You're not. We've

never been in trouble like this before, and we won't be in trouble this time

either. All right.

It's going to calm down.

We'll be fine. We'll be fine. Just relax and breathe, and we'll be walking out

this door in no time.

Do you think it's actually lost?

Maybe we could walk out of here right now.

Hmm, maybe.

Fuck. That was rude.

Okay, well, maybe we can just... We can break the window.

We're not gonna break the window, bitch.

We're just gonna have to wait for him to come back and, I guess, stick to our

fucking story.

Is that a camera?

Shit, I think it is.

Hmm.

Do you think it has audio?

No, no, I think we're fine. It's just, it's just video. They just gotta see and

make sure. They probably watched us try to walk out and were, like, laughing.

There's no way that's audio, though. I mean, it's just a camera.

Do you think they actually got me on camera stealing you?

No, baby.

They are, you walked in.

And you've been having them with you the entire time.

Right.

All right.

So, I've read all your information.

And you do have a record of doing this already.

And this whole room is bugged. So, I know all about your confession.

So, that's really smart. Who's done something wrong?

Both of you.

Well, I haven't done anything wrong.

Annie both just confessed.

We heard it.

Evidence, yeah.

We were playing... It's all over her face with her three glasses.

...in case something were to happen.

Well... We did nothing wrong. Nothing.

I came in with these three glasses.

You obviously just confessed. We have it all on record now.

So, I'm going to have to search you guys to make sure you don't have...

Sorry, Josh? Seriously?

Yeah. Well, I don't have anything on me.

You might.

Yeah, she does. She has some glasses and stuff. Hey, are you fucking kidding me?

Well, listen.

I want this to become a domestic thing.

You can deal with that later.

I'm not involved in that.

I need to know if you stole any more shit.

So... We didn't steal shit.

I'm gonna have to check, so...

You're all hiding with your arms.

Well, go ahead.

Let him check you.

Show him that we have nothing on us. You're next, so... Oh, I'm not going to

next. You're going to see it off of her, and then we can just both leave.

You're both stealing shit? Okay, so... Let me take these all off, okay?

There's other stuff missing, too.

We can help by the shelf. Nobody's been in this mall all day, but all this

shit's missing.

Definitely. I don't know. Maybe go check the employees.

Your game's a little personal there.

This is my job.

I went through a 12 -week training course for this, so I know what I'm

Okay, but it's not personal to the... Why are you searching her

pussy? Because that's probably where she's hiding shit.

Like, who do you know is hiding shit in their pussy?

Out of store.

Well, we're going to find out if there's anything up there.

There's nothing there.

I think you can obviously see there's nothing there. What are you doing? That

so personal. You're going to do the same thing to me?

She's not stopping me.

And this is what you want? To just spin my fucking test and just fucking go for

it, dude? Like, get it fucking over with. Here, dude. You want to feel my

Fucking feel my tits. What are you doing?

Obviously, this is what he wants, and this is what's going to get us out of

Oh, so you're going to let him touch my tits?

Your tits.

Whoa.

I don't know. You're the one throwing me under the bus for everything, so maybe

you should handle it with your tits. I was not. I literally said, you're the

with the freaking glasses on you, so he wants to check you. I didn't do shit

wrong.

All right.

I'm already in this fucking situation.

I'm just trying to get us out of it. Yeah, so let me finish my search.

You're next.

Oh, you're not doing that shit for me.

Well, you'll probably don't like it just as much as she does.

Ew.

Yeah, why don't you take this all off? Okay. Why don't you get up, too?

You are amazing.

Yeah, the quicker we can do this, the quicker you get out of here.

My God. I cannot believe you are doing this.

pervert.

I'm not a pervert. This is my job.

Your job is not to look at

our naked bodies. That is something you want to do in your own time.

I'm sure you're sure what you're going to do is meet a male.

The males don't get caught.

Oh, really?

So that's the reason why you're doing this? Because you know that you can get

away with it? They don't get caught.

So, I'm going to have to search you.

That's a fucking perv.

It's so weird, dude. I don't feel like there's anything under there.

Oh, because there's not.

Hold on.

You might have to take your pants off, too. Hold on.

Are you serious? Her pants are so tight, you can clearly see everything in

there.

Yeah, take those off. You too. Right? Like, he can literally see. You can feel

and you'll be fine. This way at least it's 100 % accurate.

That thing went like 95 % accurate. God, you're just like this naked.

No.

You're not even into guys.

There's nothing in this for me. You're not into guys.

Doesn't mean you're not into girls.

That's erroneous information.

You don't know that.

Um, the way that you are groping us? Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

This isn't that kind of mall.

Do it with me.

This might not be working, so I might have to just do hand tests.

Oh, my God.

Those are going to have to come off, too.

Our underwear? No, they're not. You just literally detected our pussies, and now

you want us to take off our underwear?

Well, when you jump and react to me, I'm going to see everything fall out, so.

Jumping, Zach?

What is this, a fucking gym class?

Well, I don't know how we do things here.

Is it how we do it, or maybe you?

No, this is how well we're going to have to do this. I mean, I can always tell

the real cops, and they can do this.

And they're going to break your balls all day.

We had better not get the cops calling us.

This is ridiculous.

This is an invasion. We need to call the cops on him. I'm going to need you both

to bend over just so I can take it.

Yeah, can you cough for me?

Fucking ridiculous.

I'd fart if I could. What, you want to see the inside of my ass, too?

Well, I don't know. You don't look like you've stolen anything.

Oh, yeah, because sunglasses could really fit up there.

Ridiculous.

Just jiggling my ass is going to help you find stuff, right?

What? Are things just going to fall out of her ass? Yeah, I mean, they might.

World's smallest sunglasses out there, huh?

Yes. This is so embarrassing, dude.

Crazy.

This has never happened before, so, you know, it's not my fault.

Like, honestly, it feels like an invasion of our privacy and our rights.

should be calling the cops on him.

Uh, yeah.

They're going to be here no more.

Yeah. God damn.

Are you done now?

Uh, yeah, it doesn't... Yeah, this seems like a pretty start. It doesn't look

like you guys have anything in. All right, so, uh, why don't you both take a

seat? We're going to run something by you.

Like, the idea of us just...

walking out of here.

Hey, can we, like, get dressed before we start talking?

Wait a second.

So, I'm willing to lay the balls of you out of here scot -free.

But you gotta do something for me.

Scot -free?

Yeah. Okay, what is that?

Yeah, what do we gotta do?

You're gonna have to suck my dick.

Um... You! I know you don't like dick.

But for, like, the next 30 minutes, you're gonna have to pretend you do.

So what, you want, like, the worst blowjob in the world?

Because I eat pussy.

Probably maybe just the second worst.

Not the total worst blowjob. Can we make it the second worst blowjob ever?

Can't you find anyone else to do this?

Kind of the two hottest people have come into the law so far today.

The two hottest people that don't like dick.

And didn't steal shit.

I got you on camera.

Stealing shit.

That's ridiculous.

It's not going to look good for you guys.

The judge is going to lock you guys right up. They're going to laugh at

kids.

Is jail going to be that bad? We'll be trying to get other girls. It's going to

be horrible.

We are not going to jail.

I told you that. We're not going to jail. Then you suck his dick.

Ew.

You're both going to have to.

You want both of us, not just one? You want the small penis in my mouth?

She still has to kiss me.

Sorry. What are we going to do?

I really don't want to go to jail.

I really don't want to suck dick.

Oh my god, why do you keep bringing this up? Because it's

already on cameras.

He's obviously already brought it. This is like an opening shot case. Let's do

this. What do you guys want to go to jail?

Can I see your cock first?

Me?

We are out of options here, Samantha. What the fuck do you want me to say?

At least look at it first. I don't know. It's a dick.

It's a dick.

That's how you don't like dick.

You obviously like dick.

You like dick and you never told me?

I experimented in high school a couple times, but obviously I'm with you now

I like pussy.

I've been kissing you in here. I've been just... trying to help you out this

whole time. Help me out by getting us in the situation and not sucking the

pocket tape.

You're the one that had the glasses.

I have other people's shopping enjoyment to ruin, so when you come and do this,

we can all get on on that day.

Oh my god.

You are ridiculous.

Sorry.

This has to be illegal, and you're going to get caught.

Not us. Not today.

Open up.

Were you doing video keeping this for a day or two later?

Uh, no.

Okay, so what's that for?

It's documenting this.

Oh, evidence?

Yeah.

It's just something we can get them on for.

Do I

have to stick it in my mouth?

Yep, that's why we're here.

That's why you're going to get off on this.

Why don't you have a good attitude and kind of pretend like you want to do

We know you don't, but she definitely does.

Shut the fuck up. You don't know anything about me.

Your turn.

Why are you getting all into it?

You're trying to get us out of jail.

Okay, well, it doesn't have to be the best blowjob in the world.

Oh, you want me to get the best blowjob in the world? No, I don't. Give it to

me.

Shut up. I'm just drinking a bottle of gel just like you were.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

shit.

Yeah, you're gonna come fast for us.

Here,

I'll step on his balls.

I love you, baby.

I love yours.

Oh, yeah.

Don't worry, it's okay. It's going to break. Don't worry.

Oh, yeah.

Are you going to come already or what?

No, no, no. I'm going to fuck you guys too.

You're going to fuck us?

Yeah. You just said that we had to please you, okay? You didn't say we had

the whole idea.

You literally said you're going to fuck my dick. That's it. It's so much better

than jail.

Oh, my God.

You really just want everything from us, huh?

Yeah.

You'll never steal again, though.

Yeah. You're right to ever work here again.

We can't just let you take and be over with it? No.

We can't be both over.

Wow. Yeah, baby, that chocolate's good in your mouth, too.

You don't want to sit back in your bed?

No, Mike, you're getting with us.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

I can't believe you're going to do this.

I can't watch this.

It's your fault you stole it.

Shut the fuck up, bitch.

I'm going to keep watching.

How am I supposed to know who's going to catch that?

Because you're supposed to keep fucking watching.

cock.

How does it feel?

Like freedom? Not going to jail?

I can't believe you're sticking a nasty cock inside

me. What,

do you think I haven't lost my virginity to a cock before?

Oh, my God.

I can't believe you're even watching that.

I can't lie, babe. It's kind of hot watching you get fucked.

Oh, really?

Really? That's what you think? I'm so sorry. I think you're hot being fucked.

I'll just go back to being over here.

Unless you get that over with.

Are you going to be done?

No, not yet, not yet.

I can't believe you can join us.

Yeah, but listen, there's a phone right here.

Maybe I can call night one.

I'm distracted.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God. That feels so good.

Yeah,

you like that?

She was just answering the phone. You'll be out of here soon.

Oh, my God.

I can't just make her, let her make one phone call. Oh, no, no. Yeah, isn't

that, like, what happens when you get, like, caught, arrested or something,

like, doing a phone call?

Oh, fuck.

Yeah,

I bet you, like, got caught in front of you, huh?

I like cock. I've done cock before.

Here. Why don't you grab that phone? Uh, the camera.

Um... And do what?

Document this for me.

Oh, yeah.

This is disgusting.

You already have cameras all over here.

Don't know how much she's enjoying this.

You can play with that controller.

Tell her she doesn't like a gig. You tell her.

Remember that time?

What? Do you like the cock?

Shut up and let me get through this.

Well, this ass is going to get us out of this fucking jungle.

At least it's your ass and not mine.

I love it.

I'm turning my girl calm and she's gonna fuck you.

Thank you.

Your turn to come.

I doubt you can make me come.

I think you're perfect too.

I might like cock too.

I'm sorry.

It's okay to do that.

Why don't we just begin to have more fun like this?

Now we don't get to go to jail.

was the advice

These are get -out -of -jail -free cards, baby.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah.

When we work together as a team, Coach, we get out of it.

Show us our reward.

Let your calm feel better.

I bet your cum tastes delicious.

Yeah, it's just like that. Fuck.

Yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fucking car.

Yeah.

Shoot it out in our

faces.

Okay. Stay out of my mall.

Do you have, uh, what,

the evidence away?

No, you can just walk out like that.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Just, uh, wink at, um, the merch loss guy when you're walking up to him.

I'm sure he'll love it. I'm sure this isn't his first time doing this. Yeah,

sure.