Original subtitles

Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen. www.addic7ed.com

(Sighs)

MAN: Hey! What are you doing in here? Who are you?

I am Dr. Thomas Chen.

Do you have an appointment?

(Grunts)

Who are you?!

(Muffled speech)

Okay, not to be all up in your business or anything,

but if you knew you were gonna interrogate me,

why exactly did you bother with the whole gag thing?

For the last time, who are you?!

I'll never talk!

My name is K.C. Cooper and I'm a 16-year-old government spy.

My mission was to make copies of your agent's medical records

and my parents, Craig and Kira Cooper, they're kind of also spies

and we live on 35 Millby Lane in Arlington, Virginia

where there's a spare key hidden under the fake rock in the front yard.

Anything else you wanna tell 'em, big mouth?

Yeah, you left off the fact that I got a little fungus on my left pinky toe.

A little fungus? Hmm, okay. (Man shouts)

(Grunting)

(Pants)

Whew!

I'm sorry, okay?

I'm not good at keeping secrets.

Which, kind of reminds me...

When I was nine years old I kind of stole all of Ernie's Halloween candy

and blamed it on the babysitter. She was a really nice lady, and because of me

she kind of never worked again, so I'm tryin... (Muffled speech)

(Theme music begins)

♪ Oh, when danger comes for you ♪

♪ You know I'll stand beside ya ♪

♪ 'Cause ain't nobody keep their heads so cool ♪

♪ I'll always find a way ♪

♪ A way out of the fire ♪

♪ But don't tell nobody, tell nobody ♪

♪ I'm not perfect, so many things I ♪

♪ wanna tell you, but I... ♪

♪ I keep it undercover ♪

♪ Livin' my life on red alert ♪

♪ Doin' my thing, I'll make it work ♪

♪ Know I'm the realest, baby I'm fearless ♪

♪ But I always got your back ♪

♪ Nobody can do it like I can ♪

♪ I gotta find out who I am ♪

♪ Ain't gotta worry about me ♪

♪ It's all part of the plan ♪

♪ I keep it undercover ♪

♪ I keep it undercover ♪

No one gets out of that bunker alive.

Cheeselover12, cover the left lane.

We need someone on that back exit.

That's you, hotdogsfordays.

On my signal, we go.

In 3, 2... (Toaster dings)

Ooh, my toasty strudel's done!

Later, haters.

Ah! Ah, ah, ah!

(Toasty strudel hits floor)

Guys, it is not my fault I can't keep a secret.

If you guys were gonna recruit me to be a spy,

you probably shouldn't have taught me to be so honest.

Good parenting. Bad spy-enting.

You're all spies?!

Good going, blabbermouth.

Why don't you just tattoo the word "spy" across your forehead?

Just to clarify, what I'm hearing is I'm allowed to get a tattoo?

No. And, before you even ask, nothin' besides your ears is ever gettin' pierced.

Son, there's something I have to tell you.

You're not really allergic to shellfish, I just like to eat all your shrimp.

And by the time you wake up, you won't remember any of this.

- I don't understand. - That's the idea.

God, seriously, keeping this secret is killing me.

Why can't we just recruit Ernie to be a spy?

Yeah, Ernie? Oh, honey.

I love him but he doesn't have what it takes to be a spy.

Shoot, he doesn't even have what it takes to make a toasty strudel.

No, but...

He is a computer genius.

I mean, he's beaten every game he's ever played,

and let's not forget, he's got an A++ in C++.

(Laughs)

It's a programming joke.

If Ernie was awake, he'd be laughing.

Honey, listen. We know how smart he is with that stuff,

but the organization is never, ever, ever gonna allow another teenager.

You're totally right. Unless you're totally wrong.

We could remind the organization that the average American family has 2.2 kids.

I mean, we'd be so much more believable with Ernie working with us.

Plus, who can we trust more?

He's family.

Well... I mean, we wouldn't have to knock him out every 20 minutes.

I guess it's worth a try.

He is our boy.

And that means he deserves our love and respect.

(Strained voice) Let's go.

(Grunts) Come on, boy.

Oh!

Yeah, love and respect.

Love and respect.

(Gasps) K.C... (Squeals)

Guess who is joining the school newspaper? Me.

You're writing? I am so proud of you.

(Both hum a tune)

So...

What exac