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1
00:00:40,250 --> 00:00:42,749
Ah, apologies.
2
00:00:42,750 --> 00:00:45,874
Sorry, the thing is, uh, public speaking
3
00:00:45,875 --> 00:00:47,665
has never been my, uh...
4
00:00:49,208 --> 00:00:51,665
my... I can't even think of the word.
5
00:00:51,666 --> 00:00:53,707
I, uh...
6
00:00:53,708 --> 00:00:56,707
I would pretty much do anything
to avoid public speaking.
7
00:00:56,708 --> 00:01:00,249
Like, even die. I would die...
8
00:01:00,250 --> 00:01:01,749
rather than public speak.
9
00:01:01,750 --> 00:01:05,665
Like, if a meteor came and landed
on us right now, I'd be relieved.
10
00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:08,707
I'd be, like, "Come to papa."
11
00:01:08,708 --> 00:01:10,957
Elijah, relax.
12
00:01:10,958 --> 00:01:12,165
It's only a practice pitch.
13
00:01:12,166 --> 00:01:13,749
We're all on the same team, right?
14
00:01:13,750 --> 00:01:14,957
No pressure.
15
00:01:14,958 --> 00:01:17,665
I mean, other than
the Regal Blue Condom Company's future
16
00:01:17,666 --> 00:01:19,832
and all of us who work here.
17
00:01:19,833 --> 00:01:22,082
This pitch fails, we all go tits up.
18
00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:24,708
- And we don't want that to happen.
- Right.
19
00:01:26,083 --> 00:01:28,541
As you all know,
I'm a bit of a germaphobe.
20
00:01:29,291 --> 00:01:30,625
Raw dog?
21
00:01:31,208 --> 00:01:33,458
"Nah." I say, "Nah, dog."
22
00:01:34,208 --> 00:01:38,665
And, um, and so there was this one time
that I was making love
23
00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:41,207
to a woman from...
oh, it doesn't matter where...
24
00:01:41,208 --> 00:01:45,040
but, uh, we were getting it on and I...
25
00:01:45,041 --> 00:01:48,832
my testicles were becoming
adjacent to things
26
00:01:48,833 --> 00:01:50,915
I didn't want them to become adjacent to...
27
00:01:50,916 --> 00:01:52,957
What is happening here?
What are we...
28
00:01:52,958 --> 00:01:55,624
I don't know, but I can't look away.
29
00:01:55,625 --> 00:01:57,874
May I, uh, suggest a change of clothes?
30
00:01:57,875 --> 00:01:59,249
Maybe a-a wet suit?
31
00:01:59,250 --> 00:02:01,832
Let Elijah finish, please.
32
00:02:01,833 --> 00:02:05,790
I relate to what you're saying because
I, myself, have often felt a man's balls
33
00:02:05,791 --> 00:02:09,624
lightly tapping me from behind
like pieces of warm dog shit
34
00:02:09,625 --> 00:02:11,207
dangling in a plastic poo-bag.
35
00:02:11,208 --> 00:02:13,540
It's unnerving and disgusting.
36
00:02:13,541 --> 00:02:16,040
That is unnerving.
37
00:02:16,041 --> 00:02:17,915
Sorry, is Steve from HR here?
38
00:02:17,916 --> 00:02:21,624
I didn't invite him. Ugh, the fun police.
39
00:02:21,625 --> 00:02:24,457
Uh, actually, I'm here.
40
00:02:24,458 --> 00:02:26,332
Oh, fuck.
41
00:02:26,333 --> 00:02:29,790
Anyways, as you all know, um...
42
00:02:29,791 --> 00:02:34,999
m-more prophylactics are sold
during the World Cup
43
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,415
than any event on planet Earth.
44
00:02:37,416 --> 00:02:40,374
Even more than the Valentine's Days.
45
00:02:40,375 --> 00:02:42,541
Even more than the Olympics.
46
00:02:43,041 --> 00:02:44,790
Raoul, that's your cue,
"More than the Olympics."
47
00:02:44,791 --> 00:02:46,499
Oh, sorry. Yeah.
48
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,249
- Uh... Yeah.
- No. Yeah.
49
00:02:48,250 --> 00:02:49,582
Oh, sh...
50
00:02:49,583 --> 00:02:51,540
Oh, my God. Please get that away from me.
51
00:02:51,541 --> 00:02:52,582
It's alive!
52
00:02:52,583 --> 00:02:54,540
Okay, there's,
53
00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:55,957
- uh...
- T-Turn it off.
54
00:02:55,958 --> 00:02:57,165
Okay.
55
00:02:57,166 --> 00:02:58,790
I don't... There's a button somewhere.
56
00:03:01,375 --> 00:03:03,165
Uh, may I, uh, be excused?
57
00:03:03,166 --> 00:03:05,040
- Not now, Jeremy.
- No, it's just I have a...
58
00:03:05,041 --> 00:03:07,540
I got a hard out at 11:30, so...
59
00:03:07,541 --> 00:03:08,915
Eleven-thirty?
60
00:03:08,916 --> 00:03:10,333
- Yeah.
- What can't move?
61
00:03:11,416 --> 00:03:12,957
Dialysis.
62
00:03:12,958 --> 00:03:15,332
- Oh, shit.
- Yeah.
63
00:03:15,333 --> 00:03:17,790
I'm sorry. Yeah. No, no problem.
64
00:03:17,791 --> 00:03:21,040
Everybody do what they got to do.
65
00:03:21,041 --> 00:03:24,749
Anyways, um, drumroll, please.
66
00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:30,749
In order to win the World Cup account,
67
00:03:30,750 --> 00:03:34,457
I have devised and designed
68
00:03:34,458 --> 00:03:38,957
a condom that covers both the penis
69
00:03:38,958 --> 00:03:41,708
and the testicles.
70
00:03:42,791 --> 00:03:44,415
I call it...
71
00:03:50,041 --> 00:03:51,874
Any time on that meteor, God.
72
00:03:57,208 --> 00:03:59,250
The Testicle Sentinel.
73
00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:03,207
Oh.
74
00:04:03,208 --> 00:04:06,416
Yeah, it kind of sells itself, am I right?
75
00:05:04,208 --> 00:05:07,040
{\an8}For what it's worth,
you designed the shit out of that condom.
76
00:05:07,041 --> 00:05:09,665
{\an8}It's one of the most amazing products
I'll ever have the pleasure to pitch.
77
00:05:09,666 --> 00:05:11,332
{\an8}Yeah.
78
00:05:11,333 --> 00:05:14,040
{\an8}Hey, Brad, uh...
79
00:05:14,041 --> 00:05:16,040
{\an8}don't patronize me.
80
00:05:16,041 --> 00:05:21,207
{\an8}We both know that that was supposed to be
a, uh, practice run.
81
00:05:21,208 --> 00:05:23,415
{\an8}Just a test. I was working out the kinks.
82
00:05:23,416 --> 00:05:25,916
{\an8}Oh, it had some kink.
83
00:05:30,833 --> 00:05:32,958
What? It's a courtesy buffet.
84
00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:42,332
Are you humming "We Built This City"?
85
00:05:42,333 --> 00:05:43,415
Yep.
86
00:05:43,416 --> 00:05:47,000
I do it because I'm not good
at swallowing pills, so it's like...
87
00:05:47,916 --> 00:05:51,332
When my throat's closing up,
I just sing a little ditty and...
88
00:05:51,333 --> 00:05:54,124
it goes down, distracted.
89
00:05:54,125 --> 00:05:56,249
Ah, that...
90
00:05:56,250 --> 00:05:57,707
Ooh.
91
00:05:57,708 --> 00:06:00,124
You do understand that this is my product?
92
00:06:00,125 --> 00:06:01,999
It's mine. It came from my brain.
93
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:03,457
I should be the one showcasing it.
94
00:06:03,458 --> 00:06:05,499
Uh... not sure if I like that.
95
00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:07,332
There's no "me" in "team."
96
00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:10,790
It's, like, half the word.
97
00:06:10,791 --> 00:06:12,207
Facts are facts.
98
00:06:12,208 --> 00:06:13,999
There is no better designer
than you, Elijah,
99
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,790
but there's no better salesman than Brad.
100
00:06:15,791 --> 00:06:18,374
So you see, put that together,
you're the perfect partners.
101
00:06:18,375 --> 00:06:20,624
The steak... and the sizzle.
102
00:06:20,625 --> 00:06:22,499
Yeah, no, that's how I see Brad.
103
00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:24,082
He's all sizzle, no steak.
104
00:06:24,083 --> 00:06:25,832
Opposites bring out
the best in each other.
105
00:06:25,833 --> 00:06:27,290
Think...
106
00:06:27,291 --> 00:06:29,582
Ben and Jerry
or chocolate and peanut butter.
107
00:06:29,583 --> 00:06:31,290
- Michael and Fredo.
- There you go.
108
00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:33,290
Okay, but which one am I?
109
00:06:33,291 --> 00:06:35,333
Oh, that's such a Fredo question.
110
00:06:37,041 --> 00:06:39,540
Good morning, Senhor Santos,
111
00:06:39,541 --> 00:06:42,540
and the rest of the esteemed
Brazilian Travel Ministry.
112
00:06:42,541 --> 00:06:45,290
My name is Brad.
Brad Lewison.
113
00:06:45,291 --> 00:06:48,082
But you,
call me Brad from Sales.
114
00:06:48,083 --> 00:06:50,832
I understand you guys just heard
from Champ Condoms?
115
00:06:50,833 --> 00:06:52,290
Ooh-ee.
116
00:06:52,291 --> 00:06:54,165
Tough act to follow.
117
00:06:54,166 --> 00:06:57,707
But where Regal Blue can't match Champ
in size and scale,
118
00:06:57,708 --> 00:07:01,999
they cannot match us in paixão.
119
00:07:03,375 --> 00:07:05,999
I can only imagine,
as a man of Brazil,
120
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,999
you know all about passion.
121
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,707
But sometimes
122
00:07:09,708 --> 00:07:12,999
paixão can have unintended consequences.
123
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:16,540
We here at Regal Blue
are all about protecting
124
00:07:16,541 --> 00:07:18,374
our most prized possession.
125
00:07:18,375 --> 00:07:20,124
A pênis...
126
00:07:20,125 --> 00:07:23,582
is a terrible thing
to expose to unwanted risk.
127
00:07:23,583 --> 00:07:26,082
So, too, the vagina.
128
00:07:26,083 --> 00:07:30,874
But they aren't the only valuables exposed
in a vigorous session of lovemaking.
129
00:07:30,875 --> 00:07:35,207
I'm talking about the unwanted guests
at any passion party.
130
00:07:35,208 --> 00:07:37,582
Os testículos.
131
00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:40,207
Os testículos have long been transmitters
132
00:07:40,208 --> 00:07:43,082
and/or receivers
of unwelcome contaminants.
133
00:07:43,083 --> 00:07:44,957
They are little round super-spreaders.
134
00:07:44,958 --> 00:07:46,957
- Until now.
- He's not wrong.
135
00:07:46,958 --> 00:07:49,040
Introducing a condom that covers
136
00:07:49,041 --> 00:07:52,749
not only the shaft
and the head of the pênis
137
00:07:52,750 --> 00:07:56,999
but also, thanks to our patented
latex satchel technology,
138
00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:59,582
os testículos themselves.
139
00:07:59,583 --> 00:08:02,082
And the precious genetic seed inside.
140
00:08:03,333 --> 00:08:05,915
Why hasn't anyone thought of this before?
141
00:08:05,916 --> 00:08:08,082
Why indeed, Senhor Santos?
142
00:08:08,083 --> 00:08:13,415
Why not allow Regal Blue to cup you
and yours at the next World Cup?
143
00:08:19,583 --> 00:08:21,332
Impressive.
144
00:08:21,333 --> 00:08:22,665
Very impressive.
145
00:08:22,666 --> 00:08:23,874
Truly.
146
00:08:23,875 --> 00:08:25,832
I have only one question.
147
00:08:25,833 --> 00:08:28,332
This condom, what do you call it?
148
00:08:28,333 --> 00:08:30,541
- Great...
- The Testicle Sentinel.
149
00:08:36,625 --> 00:08:38,665
- Mm.
- I don't know.
150
00:08:38,666 --> 00:08:40,790
Sounds a little, mm...
151
00:08:40,791 --> 00:08:42,790
clinical, eh?
152
00:08:42,791 --> 00:08:45,540
Not too... not too sexy.
153
00:08:45,541 --> 00:08:48,625
Which is why that working title
was replaced with...
154
00:08:50,125 --> 00:08:52,082
the Balls Up!
155
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:54,833
Now we're talking.
156
00:08:55,708 --> 00:08:58,582
Little bolas de futebol
right there on the condom.
157
00:08:58,583 --> 00:09:01,208
I love it. I love it so much.
158
00:09:03,291 --> 00:09:04,540
Bom.
159
00:09:04,541 --> 00:09:09,541
The official condom of Brasil 2025 is...
160
00:09:11,458 --> 00:09:13,207
the Balls Up!
161
00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:36,874
This is gonna be an amazing partnership,
Senhor Santos.
162
00:09:36,875 --> 00:09:39,040
Please, call me Artur.
163
00:09:39,041 --> 00:09:40,499
You got it, Artie.
164
00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:43,082
Gentlemen, champagne.
165
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,874
"Champagna."
166
00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:46,457
- How about a little toast?
- No, no.
167
00:09:46,458 --> 00:09:47,790
Not for me.
168
00:09:47,791 --> 00:09:49,999
So sorry, but...
169
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,874
nine years in March.
170
00:09:51,875 --> 00:09:53,290
You pussy.
171
00:09:53,291 --> 00:09:54,665
I'm kidding.
172
00:09:54,666 --> 00:09:56,582
Hey, you got some catching up to do.
173
00:09:56,583 --> 00:09:57,957
Hey.
174
00:09:57,958 --> 00:09:59,207
What do you got there?
175
00:09:59,208 --> 00:10:01,290
Oh, this is an Abigail Breslin.
176
00:10:01,291 --> 00:10:03,874
It's like a Shirley Temple
but double the grenadine.
177
00:10:03,875 --> 00:10:05,415
How about have a real
fucking cocktail, huh?
178
00:10:05,416 --> 00:10:06,624
We're cooking now.
179
00:10:06,625 --> 00:10:08,332
Okay, I thought we were done cooking.
180
00:10:08,333 --> 00:10:10,540
- Oh, no, I'm just getting cooking now.
- Oh.
181
00:10:10,541 --> 00:10:11,707
Yeah.
182
00:10:11,708 --> 00:10:13,915
- Please don't muck it up.
- Muck it up?
183
00:10:13,916 --> 00:10:15,415
Were you not there this morning?
184
00:10:15,416 --> 00:10:17,124
I was playing hero ball.
185
00:10:17,125 --> 00:10:19,874
You two are so good together.
186
00:10:19,875 --> 00:10:21,749
You don't see it, but I do.
187
00:10:21,750 --> 00:10:24,249
- Hey, Artie, one toast.
- No, no, please.
188
00:10:24,250 --> 00:10:26,124
- Please, no, no.
- You know what?
189
00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:27,915
- No.
- As a tradition...
190
00:10:27,916 --> 00:10:29,915
Look, I don't even want you to drink.
191
00:10:29,916 --> 00:10:31,832
Just a sniff.
192
00:10:31,833 --> 00:10:33,375
To solidify the partnership.
193
00:10:34,833 --> 00:10:36,625
Right, sure.
194
00:10:37,541 --> 00:10:39,332
Just a sniff.
195
00:10:39,333 --> 00:10:41,166
To you, Artie.
196
00:10:42,041 --> 00:10:43,875
Have a drink.
197
00:10:46,375 --> 00:10:47,915
Oh.
198
00:10:49,208 --> 00:10:50,749
Oh, that's a...
199
00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:52,583
That-that's-that's not a sniff.
200
00:11:01,291 --> 00:11:02,665
Fuck it.
201
00:11:02,666 --> 00:11:05,290
Opa!
202
00:11:08,666 --> 00:11:10,083
Wow.
203
00:11:12,458 --> 00:11:14,125
So, gentlemen.
204
00:11:15,083 --> 00:11:17,165
What do you know about futebol?
205
00:11:17,166 --> 00:11:20,082
Uh, uh, enough to realize
it's-it's awesome.
206
00:11:20,083 --> 00:11:22,915
The-the chants, the-the sliding
on your knees when you score.
207
00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:25,082
And that guy, he yells "goal" forever.
208
00:11:25,083 --> 00:11:27,165
And at the end, orange slices.
209
00:11:27,166 --> 00:11:28,415
It's a good game.
210
00:11:28,416 --> 00:11:30,499
A game? A game?
211
00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:31,999
No.
212
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:34,207
Futebol is science:
213
00:11:34,208 --> 00:11:37,540
mathematics, physics, chemistry.
214
00:11:37,541 --> 00:11:39,832
But also the humanities:
215
00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:42,415
art, music, poetry.
216
00:11:42,416 --> 00:11:45,957
It is also love, family...
217
00:11:45,958 --> 00:11:47,999
community.
218
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,332
- It's a lot of things.
- I mean, what isn't it, really?
219
00:11:50,333 --> 00:11:52,124
And so perfectly simple.
220
00:11:52,125 --> 00:11:55,790
Twenty-two men, one ball
221
00:11:55,791 --> 00:11:57,458
and no hands.
222
00:11:58,541 --> 00:11:59,999
Oh.
223
00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:02,082
Oh.
224
00:12:03,541 --> 00:12:06,457
Goal...!
225
00:12:06,458 --> 00:12:08,040
And this guy.
226
00:12:08,041 --> 00:12:09,749
This guy.
227
00:12:09,750 --> 00:12:11,332
We call him the enabler.
228
00:12:11,333 --> 00:12:12,874
You know what?
229
00:12:12,875 --> 00:12:16,124
I'm going to make sure you're there
at the World Cup final.
230
00:12:16,125 --> 00:12:17,499
- What?
- Both of you.
231
00:12:17,500 --> 00:12:20,082
The team behind Balls Up.
232
00:12:20,083 --> 00:12:21,707
First-class travel.
233
00:12:21,708 --> 00:12:23,165
VIP seats.
234
00:12:23,166 --> 00:12:24,415
Wow.
235
00:12:24,416 --> 00:12:26,040
You've earned it.
236
00:12:26,041 --> 00:12:27,999
Thank you, Senhor Santos.
237
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,790
Hey, Artie.
Let me ask you a question.
238
00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:31,707
How well do you know el presidente?
239
00:12:31,708 --> 00:12:33,291
- Lula?
- Yeah.
240
00:12:34,541 --> 00:12:37,207
We've been friends for 40 years.
241
00:12:37,208 --> 00:12:39,874
You know, I was... I was thinking maybe
we could pitch him the Balls Up, too.
242
00:12:39,875 --> 00:12:43,083
Be the official condom of Brazil itself.
What do you think?
243
00:12:44,458 --> 00:12:45,999
- Great idea.
- Huh?
244
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:47,707
Great idea.
245
00:12:47,708 --> 00:12:49,790
Huh? And to celebrate...
246
00:12:49,791 --> 00:12:52,374
another round or three.
247
00:12:52,375 --> 00:12:54,499
Oh.
248
00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:56,082
Maybe a round of waters.
249
00:12:56,083 --> 00:12:57,415
Stay hydrated.
250
00:12:57,416 --> 00:12:58,957
You're gonna muck this up.
251
00:12:58,958 --> 00:13:00,540
It's a little hiccup.
I'm gonna reel him back in.
252
00:13:00,541 --> 00:13:02,541
- No, you're not.
- Yeah, I got it.
253
00:13:05,333 --> 00:13:09,040
You know what I haven't done
in a muito long time?
254
00:13:09,041 --> 00:13:10,957
- Skee-Ball?
- Crack.
255
00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:12,374
Crack?
256
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:14,207
I still know a guy.
257
00:13:31,791 --> 00:13:34,040
The pulse of these speakers makes me hard
258
00:13:34,041 --> 00:13:35,332
like diamonds.
259
00:13:35,333 --> 00:13:36,958
What? No.
260
00:13:38,291 --> 00:13:40,332
Hey, hey, hey, Senhor Santos.
261
00:13:40,333 --> 00:13:41,999
I think you got to reel it in now.
262
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:44,082
- Check it.
- What?
263
00:13:44,083 --> 00:13:46,207
No, no, no! Senhor Santos!
264
00:13:46,208 --> 00:13:47,540
Handle your shit, okay?
265
00:13:48,958 --> 00:13:51,041
Oh, I'm handling my shit.
266
00:13:52,541 --> 00:13:54,749
Who here wants a hot cup of c...
267
00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:57,082
Opa! Whoa!
268
00:13:57,083 --> 00:13:58,874
Oh, fuck.
269
00:13:58,875 --> 00:14:01,624
Balls Up!
270
00:14:05,791 --> 00:14:08,457
{\an8}I hired you two
to complement one another.
271
00:14:08,458 --> 00:14:10,457
{\an8}Shore up each other's weaknesses.
272
00:14:10,458 --> 00:14:12,332
{\an8}You who plays it too straight.
273
00:14:12,333 --> 00:14:13,999
You who plays it too loose.
274
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,207
Two imperfect employees
who might just compensate
275
00:14:16,208 --> 00:14:18,457
for each other's fucking shortcomings!
276
00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:22,124
Um, I just want to make sure
that Steve is getting all this.
277
00:14:22,125 --> 00:14:24,415
Steve from HR? No fucking way. Not today.
278
00:14:24,416 --> 00:14:26,040
Today it's just us.
279
00:14:26,041 --> 00:14:28,625
Um, already here.
280
00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:32,207
Fucking hell.
281
00:14:32,208 --> 00:14:35,207
This is about our client,
282
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:38,499
who, after a decade sober,
slammed 11 shots,
283
00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:41,040
smoked a half ball of black rock,
284
00:14:41,041 --> 00:14:42,707
pulled down his pantalones,
285
00:14:42,708 --> 00:14:45,040
tried to put one of our condoms
over his penis...
286
00:14:45,041 --> 00:14:46,457
And testicles.
287
00:14:46,458 --> 00:14:49,207
And jumped off
a fucking balcony buck naked.
288
00:14:49,208 --> 00:14:51,790
Balls Up!
289
00:14:51,791 --> 00:14:52,999
Wow.
290
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:54,332
Seven million views already?
291
00:14:54,333 --> 00:14:56,124
There's no such thing as bad publicity.
292
00:14:56,125 --> 00:14:58,332
What the fucking fuck?!
293
00:14:58,333 --> 00:15:00,249
And one of those seven million views
was the...
294
00:15:00,250 --> 00:15:03,332
and I'm not fucking with you...
president of Brazil,
295
00:15:03,333 --> 00:15:06,124
who just this morning
promptly fired Santos.
296
00:15:06,125 --> 00:15:07,624
Oh, that's too bad.
297
00:15:07,625 --> 00:15:09,915
- And us.
- Us?
298
00:15:09,916 --> 00:15:12,124
Any guesses what the official condom
of the host country
299
00:15:12,125 --> 00:15:14,457
of the 2025 World Cup is now?
300
00:15:14,458 --> 00:15:17,290
It's the Champ Ultra-Thin.
301
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:19,040
What?
302
00:15:19,041 --> 00:15:21,790
Those things don't even come close
to covering the balls.
303
00:15:21,791 --> 00:15:25,332
I can promise you this, boss.
304
00:15:25,333 --> 00:15:27,790
- In the future, I...
- The future?
305
00:15:27,791 --> 00:15:29,957
What are you talking about, bro?
306
00:15:29,958 --> 00:15:32,915
Do you understand?
This company's ass is grass.
307
00:15:32,916 --> 00:15:37,082
Consider this your exit interview,
which I'm now going to conduct
308
00:15:37,083 --> 00:15:39,290
with the seriousness of a massive shit.
309
00:15:39,291 --> 00:15:40,707
Fuck you both.
310
00:15:40,708 --> 00:15:42,915
You're fired, effective immediately.
311
00:15:42,916 --> 00:15:44,249
Me, too?
312
00:15:44,250 --> 00:15:45,583
You, too!
313
00:15:47,541 --> 00:15:50,374
Bosswoman Burgess was right.
314
00:15:50,375 --> 00:15:51,624
You are a true salesman.
315
00:15:51,625 --> 00:15:54,832
That suit you're wearing...
completely empty.
316
00:15:54,833 --> 00:15:59,915
The only thing that Brad from Sales
cares about is himself.
317
00:15:59,916 --> 00:16:01,665
What's wrong with self-care?
318
00:16:01,666 --> 00:16:03,790
Uh, if I'm not good enough for me,
I'm not good enough for anyone.
319
00:16:03,791 --> 00:16:05,415
Who the fuck else should I care about?
320
00:16:05,416 --> 00:16:07,415
I'll tell you, you real...
321
00:16:07,416 --> 00:16:08,707
Oh, perfect.
322
00:16:08,708 --> 00:16:11,832
You could take a note or two
from this guy Raoul.
323
00:16:11,833 --> 00:16:13,249
Okay? This selfless soul.
324
00:16:13,250 --> 00:16:15,749
Hey, man, is that my box?
325
00:16:15,750 --> 00:16:18,207
Bosswoman just shitcanned me, too.
326
00:16:18,208 --> 00:16:20,749
You two jackfuckers just sank Regal Blue.
327
00:16:20,750 --> 00:16:22,207
And my medical coverage.
328
00:16:22,208 --> 00:16:23,499
You'll bounce back.
329
00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:26,457
If I die now, for any reason,
330
00:16:26,458 --> 00:16:27,957
that's on you guys.
331
00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:35,957
Adios forever...
332
00:16:35,958 --> 00:16:38,374
slapper of backs, killer of dreams.
333
00:16:38,375 --> 00:16:41,582
Hey, FYI, backslapping... it's an art.
334
00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:44,375
You can't just slap a back
and call it backslapping.
335
00:16:45,375 --> 00:16:48,249
Wow. I want to hear your theory
on face slapping
336
00:16:48,250 --> 00:16:51,083
'cause-'cause you're about
to get slapped in the face by me.
337
00:16:51,666 --> 00:16:53,499
You're gonna slap me?
338
00:16:54,708 --> 00:16:56,415
Ow!
339
00:16:57,916 --> 00:16:59,415
Nope.
340
00:17:02,833 --> 00:17:05,040
Okay, okay, okay.
341
00:17:05,041 --> 00:17:06,290
Let's...
342
00:17:06,291 --> 00:17:08,832
I could drop the box
and we could do the whole dance,
343
00:17:08,833 --> 00:17:12,790
but there is not enough Purell
in the world.
344
00:17:12,791 --> 00:17:14,875
Please. You're the sweater.
345
00:17:15,750 --> 00:17:17,749
You know, I'm gonna think of a comeback
and I'm gonna...
346
00:17:17,750 --> 00:17:18,957
I'm gonna hit you on the way home.
347
00:17:18,958 --> 00:17:20,707
- Yeah, I'll hold my breath.
- Expect a text.
348
00:17:20,708 --> 00:17:22,082
Yeah.
349
00:17:43,125 --> 00:17:44,249
Hey.
350
00:18:24,583 --> 00:18:26,290
Holy shit.
351
00:18:29,666 --> 00:18:31,415
Oh, fuck me.
352
00:18:41,208 --> 00:18:43,124
You, uh...
353
00:18:43,125 --> 00:18:44,750
you good?
354
00:18:47,541 --> 00:18:49,582
Fantastic.
355
00:18:49,583 --> 00:18:51,499
Oh, yeah. Me, too.
356
00:18:52,666 --> 00:18:54,165
Um...
357
00:18:54,166 --> 00:18:55,999
Yeah, actually, couldn't be better.
358
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,415
You know, crazy,
these finals tickets, huh?
359
00:18:59,666 --> 00:19:02,249
Uh, probably bureaucracy.
360
00:19:02,250 --> 00:19:06,165
Someone told someone in a department
to send out the tickets.
361
00:19:06,166 --> 00:19:07,624
They forgot not to.
362
00:19:07,625 --> 00:19:10,124
- Lucky us.
- Yeah, lucky us.
363
00:19:10,125 --> 00:19:13,791
I mean, we were down big, now we're
up big, so we're up huge on the swing.
364
00:19:14,375 --> 00:19:16,124
- The swing?
- The swing.
365
00:19:16,125 --> 00:19:18,332
The swing is when you go from down to up
instead of, like, level to up.
366
00:19:18,333 --> 00:19:20,457
It's double the distance,
so they call it the swing.
367
00:19:22,291 --> 00:19:24,540
They don't call it the swing.
368
00:19:24,541 --> 00:19:26,040
You do.
369
00:19:26,041 --> 00:19:28,124
And it's dumb.
370
00:19:47,250 --> 00:19:50,332
Brasil! Brasil!
371
00:20:02,791 --> 00:20:04,874
What a spectacle.
372
00:20:04,875 --> 00:20:08,249
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, wherever
you're watching around the world,
373
00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:11,916
welcome along to the World Cup final 2025.
374
00:20:12,708 --> 00:20:15,457
However bad you've had it,
I've been worse.
375
00:20:15,458 --> 00:20:17,790
Tudo bem?
376
00:20:17,791 --> 00:20:19,165
What?
377
00:20:19,166 --> 00:20:20,332
"How are you?"
378
00:20:20,333 --> 00:20:23,457
- And get this, it also means "I'm fine."
- Oh, tudo bem.
379
00:20:23,458 --> 00:20:25,707
Yeah, so it's: Tudo bem? Tudo bem.
380
00:20:25,708 --> 00:20:28,082
Just one of the gems
from Contrails magazine.
381
00:20:28,083 --> 00:20:29,791
That's funny. Check this out.
382
00:20:32,958 --> 00:20:36,125
It's a translator app
but in the voice of Larry David.
383
00:20:37,208 --> 00:20:39,499
Tudo bem? Tudo bem.
384
00:20:39,500 --> 00:20:42,124
How are you? I'm fine.
385
00:20:42,125 --> 00:20:44,499
Isn't that awesome?
386
00:20:44,500 --> 00:20:46,250
Time to gas up then.
387
00:20:46,833 --> 00:20:48,999
Time to gas up. What is this?
388
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:51,165
- Oh, they spelled "sales" wrong...
- I see that.
389
00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:54,707
On the first one,
so they had to give me...
390
00:20:54,708 --> 00:20:57,082
a second one for free.
391
00:20:57,083 --> 00:20:58,790
- Nice.
- One for you and one for me.
392
00:20:58,791 --> 00:21:00,165
Very cool.
393
00:21:00,166 --> 00:21:02,957
I am going to partake.
394
00:21:02,958 --> 00:21:04,333
Just first want to...
395
00:21:05,875 --> 00:21:07,040
safeguard myself.
396
00:21:07,041 --> 00:21:12,790
Over the last 39 days, 48 international
teams have been whittled down to just two:
397
00:21:12,791 --> 00:21:16,832
the hometown heroes of Brazil
and their neighboring nemesis Argentina.
398
00:21:16,833 --> 00:21:20,832
It's been four long years,
but our agonizing wait ends tonight.
399
00:21:24,541 --> 00:21:25,625
Mmm.
400
00:21:26,833 --> 00:21:27,915
What?
401
00:21:27,916 --> 00:21:30,832
So you have a little Brad from Sales
in you after all.
402
00:21:30,833 --> 00:21:32,165
- I guess so.
- Yeah.
403
00:21:32,166 --> 00:21:34,082
Bad Elijah.
404
00:21:34,083 --> 00:21:36,790
He only appears every decade or so.
405
00:21:36,791 --> 00:21:38,332
Kind of like a comet.
406
00:21:38,333 --> 00:21:40,125
You think you know someone.
407
00:21:41,250 --> 00:21:43,082
Ultra-Thin? Seriously?
408
00:21:43,083 --> 00:21:47,124
That is an affront
to every prophylactic ever.
409
00:21:52,958 --> 00:21:54,832
- What is this?
- Okay, it is loud!
410
00:21:54,833 --> 00:21:56,415
It hasn't even started!
411
00:21:56,416 --> 00:21:59,040
The moment has finally arrived,
the World Cup final.
412
00:21:59,041 --> 00:22:03,374
Two of the sport's biggest rivals
playing off on the grandest stage.
413
00:22:03,375 --> 00:22:06,707
The first time they've ever played
in a World Cup final.
414
00:22:06,708 --> 00:22:09,749
And off we go.
415
00:22:09,750 --> 00:22:13,666
Argentina in their light blue and Brazil,
of course, in their canary yellow.
416
00:22:14,666 --> 00:22:15,957
Kick that shit!
417
00:22:31,625 --> 00:22:33,333
Mmm.
418
00:22:34,458 --> 00:22:37,082
That should be our mascot.
419
00:22:37,083 --> 00:22:39,957
Not some fucking hot dog.
420
00:22:39,958 --> 00:22:43,333
It's not a hot dog.
It's a linguica, a Brazilian sausage.
421
00:22:43,916 --> 00:22:46,541
Doesn't matt... It should be ours.
422
00:22:47,125 --> 00:22:50,499
I don't think they would've let the mascot
of the World Cup be a condom with balls.
423
00:22:50,500 --> 00:22:53,374
I want to punch that dick
right in the dick.
424
00:22:53,375 --> 00:22:55,915
Late in the first half here, very tense.
425
00:22:55,916 --> 00:23:01,207
Still goalless, but maybe Argentina
can launch one final attack
426
00:23:01,208 --> 00:23:02,290
as they look to take the lead.
427
00:23:02,291 --> 00:23:03,457
Well, that's a nice move.
428
00:23:03,458 --> 00:23:05,582
Now forward to Alberti.
429
00:23:05,583 --> 00:23:08,665
He's got two defenders, and he's gone
through them like a slalom skier.
430
00:23:08,666 --> 00:23:10,832
- Big chance for Argentina!
- No, no, no, no, no, no!
431
00:23:10,833 --> 00:23:14,875
Goal...!
432
00:23:15,833 --> 00:23:18,040
They scored!
It's Alberti!
433
00:23:18,041 --> 00:23:19,582
An incredible finish!
434
00:23:19,583 --> 00:23:22,166
That is some bullshit!
435
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:24,499
Oh, my God.
436
00:23:24,500 --> 00:23:26,332
Look at this.
437
00:23:26,333 --> 00:23:28,374
Limp dick.
438
00:23:28,375 --> 00:23:30,665
Hey, linguica!
439
00:23:30,666 --> 00:23:34,374
Or should I say "limp-guiça"?
440
00:23:38,458 --> 00:23:41,499
Brasil!
441
00:23:44,208 --> 00:23:47,415
Brasil!
442
00:23:47,416 --> 00:23:48,999
We are late in the second half here.
443
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:50,540
Argentina still up one-nil.
444
00:23:50,541 --> 00:23:52,499
They're gonna be content now
to just sit back,
445
00:23:52,500 --> 00:23:54,415
absorb the pressure
and try to gut out a win.
446
00:23:58,291 --> 00:24:00,665
Time running out for the Seleção, though.
447
00:24:00,666 --> 00:24:03,874
The 90 minutes are up.
We are into stoppage time.
448
00:24:03,875 --> 00:24:06,207
He's got a defender coming
towards him and... oh!
449
00:24:06,208 --> 00:24:08,624
Hello. That was a bad challenge.
450
00:24:08,625 --> 00:24:12,125
Kill the Argentines!
451
00:24:14,541 --> 00:24:15,957
I-I get it now.
452
00:24:15,958 --> 00:24:18,750
They're-they're...
they're, like, busting our balls.
453
00:24:19,333 --> 00:24:21,332
- Who is?
- The Champ's guys
454
00:24:21,333 --> 00:24:24,832
who put all-all the ads
and the sausage out there.
455
00:24:24,833 --> 00:24:26,915
You know, just rubbing it in our faces.
456
00:24:26,916 --> 00:24:28,332
What are you talking about?
457
00:24:28,333 --> 00:24:30,082
Do you not see that?
458
00:24:30,083 --> 00:24:36,332
It looks like a huge cock out there,
laughing its ass off at us.
459
00:24:36,333 --> 00:24:39,290
All right, stop it, all right?
Sometimes a sausage is just a sausage.
460
00:24:39,291 --> 00:24:40,665
Come on.
461
00:24:40,666 --> 00:24:42,082
It's a cock!
462
00:24:42,083 --> 00:24:43,707
Oh, my God.
Now you're just being ridiculous.
463
00:24:43,708 --> 00:24:44,875
Am I?
464
00:24:45,458 --> 00:24:49,749
Wow, he's just dangling
his dick and balls in our faces.
465
00:24:49,750 --> 00:24:53,665
Jamming his member
right into Jeremy's failing kidney.
466
00:24:53,666 --> 00:24:55,707
All right, stop it, okay? This is madness.
467
00:24:55,708 --> 00:24:58,207
If they really wanted to send a message,
468
00:24:58,208 --> 00:25:00,249
they would've put a condom on the mascot.
469
00:25:00,250 --> 00:25:03,915
As the clock ticks down,
the Brazilian fans can hardly watch.
470
00:25:03,916 --> 00:25:08,000
Look at this. Leo the Linguiça's
even putting a rally cap on his head.
471
00:25:08,916 --> 00:25:11,583
Oh, motherfucker!
472
00:25:13,083 --> 00:25:14,832
Okay.
473
00:25:14,833 --> 00:25:16,415
Okay, take-take it easy.
474
00:25:16,416 --> 00:25:18,749
- He just looked right at us.
- All right, calm down.
475
00:25:18,750 --> 00:25:20,207
- Calm down.
- Shit balls.
476
00:25:20,208 --> 00:25:22,457
It doesn't matter.
We're here, we're having fun.
477
00:25:25,625 --> 00:25:27,290
Oh, that's an outstanding save
478
00:25:27,291 --> 00:25:28,582
- by the goalkeeper.
- Nice.
479
00:25:28,583 --> 00:25:30,332
Catlike reflexes
480
00:25:30,333 --> 00:25:32,166
in the Brazilian goal.
481
00:25:35,291 --> 00:25:37,540
Perhaps with that goalkeeping takeout,
482
00:25:37,541 --> 00:25:39,125
Brazil can now break out.
483
00:25:43,083 --> 00:25:44,415
Hero ball.
484
00:25:50,875 --> 00:25:52,999
No! Bad Elijah!
485
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,583
Here I come, sausage boy!
486
00:26:00,833 --> 00:26:01,874
Yeah, you like...
487
00:26:03,958 --> 00:26:05,916
Stop it! It's a linguica!
488
00:26:07,375 --> 00:26:10,082
Oh, you... doing the worm?
489
00:26:11,666 --> 00:26:13,207
Bad Elijah! Bad!
490
00:26:13,208 --> 00:26:16,915
The twinkle-toed Pereyra is weaving
his way through the Argentine defense
491
00:26:16,916 --> 00:26:19,082
like a ballerina across the stage.
492
00:26:19,083 --> 00:26:21,624
What's this,
the mascot and two fans on the field?
493
00:26:21,625 --> 00:26:23,540
He's one-on-one
with the goalkeeper.
494
00:26:24,833 --> 00:26:26,499
The goalkeeper goes down.
495
00:26:26,500 --> 00:26:28,582
It's gonna be a goal... No!
496
00:26:36,125 --> 00:26:37,624
O quê?
497
00:26:37,625 --> 00:26:40,249
What just happened?
This is absolute insanity.
498
00:26:40,250 --> 00:26:41,999
Extraordinary.
What on earth
499
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:43,415
- has gone on here?
- Shit.
500
00:26:43,416 --> 00:26:44,957
Two fans have invaded the pitch
501
00:26:44,958 --> 00:26:46,790
and prevented Brazil from scoring
502
00:26:46,791 --> 00:26:50,040
an equalizer late on
in the World Cup final,
503
00:26:50,041 --> 00:26:52,374
in the most ridiculous of circumstances.
504
00:26:52,375 --> 00:26:53,582
Two idiots!
505
00:26:53,583 --> 00:26:55,833
I've never seen anything like that
in my entire life.
506
00:27:03,708 --> 00:27:06,374
Now the officials have got
a big decision to make here.
507
00:27:06,375 --> 00:27:08,665
They're gonna need some help
from upstairs with this.
508
00:27:08,666 --> 00:27:10,874
And I reckon, you know,
Brazil are gonna be out of luck.
509
00:27:10,875 --> 00:27:13,165
The rule states,
when anything on the field...
510
00:27:13,166 --> 00:27:16,749
whether it's a referee, an object,
an animal or a person... interferes,
511
00:27:16,750 --> 00:27:19,457
and I quote here, "Play must be restarted
512
00:27:19,458 --> 00:27:22,832
from the position of the match ball,
without penalty."
513
00:27:24,375 --> 00:27:27,332
The referee is going
to apply the letter of the law.
514
00:27:27,333 --> 00:27:29,499
Well, the Brazilians
515
00:27:29,500 --> 00:27:32,999
are absolutely cooking
about that decision.
516
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:36,916
The entire country
of Brazil has been robbed.
517
00:27:37,708 --> 00:27:40,207
Kill the Americans!
518
00:27:40,208 --> 00:27:43,832
Uh vai morrer!
Uh vai morrer! Uh vai morrer!
519
00:27:43,833 --> 00:27:45,249
What are they saying?
520
00:27:45,250 --> 00:27:46,707
You're gonna die!
521
00:27:46,708 --> 00:27:49,665
You're gonna die! You're gonna die!
522
00:27:49,666 --> 00:27:53,540
Uh vai morrer! Uh vai morrer!
Uh vai morrer!
523
00:27:53,541 --> 00:27:55,957
You're gonna die!
You're gonna die!
524
00:27:55,958 --> 00:27:58,374
- I think he's just talking about you.
- Die, die, die!
525
00:27:58,375 --> 00:28:01,124
Uh vai morrer! Uh vai morrer!
Uh vai morrer!
526
00:28:01,125 --> 00:28:03,165
Calm down!
527
00:28:03,166 --> 00:28:05,165
It's only a game!
528
00:28:05,166 --> 00:28:06,457
Uh vai morrer!
529
00:28:06,458 --> 00:28:07,874
And there it is.
530
00:28:07,875 --> 00:28:12,665
Argentina are the world champions
in the most improbable finish ever.
531
00:28:17,750 --> 00:28:20,250
Oh, no.
532
00:28:21,583 --> 00:28:24,791
Oh, holy shit.
533
00:28:29,166 --> 00:28:31,916
Oh, man.
534
00:28:35,041 --> 00:28:37,041
Are we in hell?
535
00:28:38,375 --> 00:28:40,124
Not far from.
536
00:28:40,125 --> 00:28:42,207
This is all your fault,
running onto that field.
537
00:28:42,208 --> 00:28:45,415
Please, we would still have our jobs
if it weren't for you.
538
00:28:45,416 --> 00:28:48,165
That should be our condom mascot.
539
00:28:48,166 --> 00:28:49,540
It wasn't a condom mascot.
540
00:28:49,541 --> 00:28:53,458
How many fucking times
do I have to tell you, it was a linguica!
541
00:28:54,458 --> 00:28:55,874
Okay.
542
00:28:55,875 --> 00:28:57,415
Okay, don't panic.
543
00:28:57,416 --> 00:29:00,082
Oh, I'm not. That was midnight to 3:00.
544
00:29:00,083 --> 00:29:02,999
There you go, thinking only of yourself.
545
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:04,915
I was talking to me.
546
00:29:04,916 --> 00:29:06,415
Bom dia.
547
00:29:06,416 --> 00:29:08,249
Bom dia. Obrigado.
548
00:29:18,333 --> 00:29:20,749
Obrigado. Bom dia.
549
00:29:20,750 --> 00:29:22,249
- Bom dia.
- Bom dia.
550
00:29:22,250 --> 00:29:23,374
- Good morning.
- Hi.
551
00:29:23,375 --> 00:29:25,082
Antonia Costa.
552
00:29:25,083 --> 00:29:27,040
The best public defender in all of Brazil.
553
00:29:28,458 --> 00:29:30,790
That's what Veja magazine will call me
when I win this,
554
00:29:30,791 --> 00:29:33,332
the "Trial of the Century."
555
00:29:33,333 --> 00:29:34,874
I've never lost a case.
556
00:29:34,875 --> 00:29:38,083
Of course, I've never won a case,
but still, undefeated.
557
00:29:39,166 --> 00:29:40,749
W... This is your first case?
558
00:29:40,750 --> 00:29:42,457
This is my first day!
559
00:29:42,458 --> 00:29:44,915
You know, the new girl
drew the short straw.
560
00:29:44,916 --> 00:29:46,582
Shit flows downhill, so I'm here.
561
00:29:46,583 --> 00:29:50,082
Shit? What...
what-what are we in that metaphor?
562
00:29:50,083 --> 00:29:53,665
I can't believe you're
going to represent these animals.
563
00:29:53,666 --> 00:29:56,165
You would do this
to your own country?
564
00:29:56,166 --> 00:29:57,374
Pardon me, sir,
565
00:29:57,375 --> 00:29:59,000
but you shouldn't be listening to this.
566
00:29:59,916 --> 00:30:02,124
So let's just tap into
that youthful enthusiasm, huh?
567
00:30:02,125 --> 00:30:03,333
What-what's your plan?
568
00:30:06,375 --> 00:30:09,082
Okay, so here's what we're gonna do.
569
00:30:09,083 --> 00:30:12,415
- If I may, I was prelaw at Penn.
- State.
570
00:30:12,416 --> 00:30:14,665
P... State. Penn State.
You didn't let me finish.
571
00:30:14,666 --> 00:30:16,624
My mother thought
that I was going to be an attorney.
572
00:30:16,625 --> 00:30:18,749
Ever the contrarian, I'm not.
573
00:30:18,750 --> 00:30:20,249
But I do recall
574
00:30:20,250 --> 00:30:26,249
a certain
U.S. v. Humberto Alvarez-Machain.
575
00:30:26,250 --> 00:30:29,165
Oh, and I think I recall a certain,
uh, Judge Joe Brown case
576
00:30:29,166 --> 00:30:30,999
- "Shrimpin' Ain't Easy." So what?
- Excuse me.
577
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:33,540
Just two minutes alone with them, please.
578
00:30:33,541 --> 00:30:35,083
Can you just...
579
00:30:36,208 --> 00:30:38,290
We're getting the death sentence,
aren't we?
580
00:30:38,291 --> 00:30:39,457
Yes.
581
00:30:39,458 --> 00:30:41,290
After we torture you.
582
00:30:41,291 --> 00:30:43,499
Again, why-why does he keep butting in?
583
00:30:43,500 --> 00:30:46,124
No one asked for your opinion,
von Frankenstein.
584
00:30:46,125 --> 00:30:48,082
Look, forget about him.
585
00:30:48,083 --> 00:30:49,790
I took the oath:
586
00:30:49,791 --> 00:30:52,957
"I am the light that dispels
the darkness of injustice."
587
00:30:52,958 --> 00:30:54,749
No matter the terrible cost.
588
00:30:54,750 --> 00:30:57,665
"No matter the te..."
What te... I'm sorry, what terrible cost?
589
00:30:57,666 --> 00:30:59,249
You're-you're a public defender.
590
00:30:59,250 --> 00:31:01,749
Uh, yeah, but still, after this,
591
00:31:01,750 --> 00:31:04,749
for sure I'll never be able
to walk down the street again.
592
00:31:04,750 --> 00:31:07,290
Shop for groceries, use a public restroom.
593
00:31:07,291 --> 00:31:09,249
My mother will be ostracized at church.
594
00:31:09,250 --> 00:31:11,290
My brothers will be bullied at school.
595
00:31:11,291 --> 00:31:13,249
- Yikes.
- But that doesn't matter.
596
00:31:13,250 --> 00:31:16,540
I have a good plan
to get you guys out of here.
597
00:31:16,541 --> 00:31:17,833
Hold it right there.
598
00:31:19,500 --> 00:31:22,874
Consider this your exit interview,
Antonia Costas.
599
00:31:22,875 --> 00:31:23,999
Wait, what are you doing?
600
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,540
Thinking of someone other than myself.
601
00:31:26,541 --> 00:31:28,957
You and I have hurt too many people.
602
00:31:28,958 --> 00:31:30,040
You're fired!
603
00:31:30,041 --> 00:31:31,415
- What? No.
- No.
604
00:31:31,416 --> 00:31:33,957
Go. Go and buy your groceries,
605
00:31:33,958 --> 00:31:36,249
and use a public restroom, if you have to.
606
00:31:36,250 --> 00:31:39,165
If... maybe line the toilet seat
with paper.
607
00:31:39,166 --> 00:31:40,540
You're misunderstanding everything.
608
00:31:40,541 --> 00:31:42,040
Just go.
609
00:31:42,041 --> 00:31:43,332
We'll figure it out.
610
00:31:43,333 --> 00:31:45,624
No chance
they're figuring it out.
611
00:31:45,625 --> 00:31:46,707
Uh, excuse me.
612
00:31:46,708 --> 00:31:49,207
I'm their lawyer, I have the right
to speak to them in private,
613
00:31:49,208 --> 00:31:50,957
so if you could just step out, please.
614
00:31:50,958 --> 00:31:53,207
You're not their lawyer.
They just fired you.
615
00:31:53,208 --> 00:31:55,249
'Cause they haven't heard my plan yet.
616
00:31:55,250 --> 00:31:56,583
Get out. Out!
617
00:31:57,375 --> 00:31:58,915
Guys, guys, unfire me.
618
00:31:58,916 --> 00:32:00,124
Can I just leave my number?
619
00:32:00,125 --> 00:32:03,124
Guys, you're not understanding
the gravity of this situation.
620
00:32:03,125 --> 00:32:05,040
Nice move, shit-brains...
you just fired our only hope.
621
00:32:05,041 --> 00:32:06,707
I'm not going to ruin that girl's life.
622
00:32:06,708 --> 00:32:09,082
Yeah, and someday you're going to learn
that no good deed goes unpunished.
623
00:32:09,083 --> 00:32:10,457
I'll take it from here.
624
00:32:10,458 --> 00:32:13,165
Senhor DeBell, Senhor Lewison...
625
00:32:13,166 --> 00:32:15,082
The Stupids.
626
00:32:35,458 --> 00:32:37,208
Now it's up to you, sir.
627
00:32:38,666 --> 00:32:40,999
Brad. Elijah.
628
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,082
We know, "Os Estúpidos."
629
00:32:43,083 --> 00:32:44,874
Ah, no, no.
630
00:32:44,875 --> 00:32:47,207
Pay no attention to such vulgarities.
631
00:32:47,208 --> 00:32:49,707
I am Jessel Cristos, Minister of Defense.
632
00:32:49,708 --> 00:32:51,957
The Minister of Defense?
633
00:32:51,958 --> 00:32:53,582
Jesus Christ.
634
00:32:53,583 --> 00:32:55,499
I came straight from my jog.
635
00:32:55,500 --> 00:32:59,707
My business, my mission,
is the security of our great country
636
00:32:59,708 --> 00:33:01,207
and everyone in it.
637
00:33:01,208 --> 00:33:04,249
Which is why I came in early this morning,
638
00:33:04,250 --> 00:33:06,499
to ensure nothing unjust happens to you.
639
00:33:06,500 --> 00:33:08,125
Oh, yeah.
640
00:33:10,083 --> 00:33:11,333
Please.
641
00:33:12,333 --> 00:33:14,458
Very kind of you.
642
00:33:24,791 --> 00:33:26,749
Come in, guys.
643
00:33:26,750 --> 00:33:29,749
You're Americans. I must ask you,
644
00:33:29,750 --> 00:33:34,916
do you understand how much hatred we have
for our futebol rivals to the south?
645
00:33:36,208 --> 00:33:38,624
My kid...
646
00:33:38,625 --> 00:33:41,374
started to root for Argentina.
647
00:33:41,375 --> 00:33:43,457
Little rebellion.
648
00:33:43,458 --> 00:33:45,665
We haven't spoken since.
649
00:33:45,666 --> 00:33:47,790
Well, teenagers can be very difficult.
650
00:33:47,791 --> 00:33:49,875
The child was only nine.
651
00:33:51,041 --> 00:33:53,124
Look, it was Elijah
who ran onto that field.
652
00:33:53,125 --> 00:33:54,374
- Oh...
- The pitch, the pitch.
653
00:33:54,375 --> 00:33:55,749
He ran on the fucking pitch.
654
00:33:55,750 --> 00:33:57,124
- Selfish.
- I told him to stop. He was drunk.
655
00:33:57,125 --> 00:33:58,832
Shut the fuck up!
656
00:33:58,833 --> 00:34:00,833
Enough of your nonsense!
657
00:34:06,541 --> 00:34:08,291
The fear in your eyes.
658
00:34:10,291 --> 00:34:15,665
You must think I'm some sort
of corrupt, tin-pot martinet,
659
00:34:15,666 --> 00:34:20,750
capable of committing
whimsical violence with total impunity.
660
00:34:22,208 --> 00:34:24,415
I'm sorry. Yeah.
661
00:34:24,416 --> 00:34:29,582
Contrary to your ugly
culturalist misconceptions,
662
00:34:29,583 --> 00:34:32,207
I'm not going to chop off your hand
663
00:34:32,208 --> 00:34:34,290
or throw you in some dungeon.
664
00:34:34,291 --> 00:34:35,749
Or consider Venmo?
665
00:34:35,750 --> 00:34:38,000
Or accept some paltry bribe.
666
00:34:40,250 --> 00:34:43,207
What I am going to do instead...
667
00:34:43,208 --> 00:34:44,749
is let you go.
668
00:34:44,750 --> 00:34:46,999
You're gonna...
669
00:34:50,750 --> 00:34:52,541
Here.
670
00:34:54,125 --> 00:34:56,124
Door's unlocked.
671
00:34:56,125 --> 00:34:57,915
Same elevator you rode up.
672
00:34:57,916 --> 00:35:02,582
Go down to the lobby, then go straight,
double doors right to the street.
673
00:35:02,583 --> 00:35:04,332
Really? I cannot thank you enough.
674
00:35:04,333 --> 00:35:06,832
You are so kind and compassionate.
675
00:35:06,833 --> 00:35:07,915
Thank you.
676
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:12,499
I did not expect him
to be that nice.
677
00:35:12,500 --> 00:35:14,874
He really was like Jesus, very forgiving.
678
00:35:14,875 --> 00:35:16,374
Forgiving?
679
00:35:16,375 --> 00:35:19,207
Are you kidding me?
Do you not see what just happened?
680
00:35:19,208 --> 00:35:21,749
He is throwing us to the wolves.
681
00:35:21,750 --> 00:35:25,457
What we needed
was some sort of, like, police escort.
682
00:35:25,458 --> 00:35:28,165
You know, armed guards
taking us to a flight.
683
00:35:28,166 --> 00:35:31,415
What we got was the streets.
684
00:35:31,416 --> 00:35:33,249
- Holy shit.
- The streets of Brazil.
685
00:35:33,250 --> 00:35:35,332
You're right,
and they're gonna recognize us.
686
00:35:35,333 --> 00:35:37,290
I don't have one of those
everyday faces like you.
687
00:35:37,291 --> 00:35:39,040
No, not in Brazil you don't.
688
00:35:39,041 --> 00:35:41,957
Okay. All right, you know what,
don't freak out.
689
00:35:41,958 --> 00:35:43,915
Crowds are like dogs... they smell fear,
690
00:35:43,916 --> 00:35:46,249
- so you got to relax, act natural.
- Mm-hmm.
691
00:35:46,250 --> 00:35:49,290
Just smile, nod and tudo bem.
692
00:35:49,291 --> 00:35:50,499
- Okay?
- Tudo bem.
693
00:35:50,500 --> 00:35:51,582
- Keep it on the low.
- Yeah.
694
00:35:51,583 --> 00:35:52,665
Come on.
695
00:35:54,208 --> 00:35:56,749
Oh, shit. Oh, God.
696
00:35:56,750 --> 00:35:58,249
Come on.
697
00:36:00,291 --> 00:36:03,124
I don't know how long
I can keep this smile going.
698
00:36:03,125 --> 00:36:05,707
Will you fucking come on.
699
00:36:05,708 --> 00:36:07,165
Oh, my God.
700
00:36:07,166 --> 00:36:08,750
- Sorry.
- Everybody's looking at us.
701
00:36:09,750 --> 00:36:11,415
Oh, God.
702
00:36:11,416 --> 00:36:13,082
Where are we even going?
703
00:36:13,083 --> 00:36:15,165
- I don't know.
- Oh, that's reassuring.
704
00:36:15,166 --> 00:36:16,624
Oh, my God.
705
00:36:16,625 --> 00:36:18,207
Shit, my phone.
706
00:36:18,208 --> 00:36:19,999
- Let it go.
- What?
707
00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:21,707
I still have 18 months of payments.
708
00:36:21,708 --> 00:36:23,290
- You didn't buy it outright?
- No.
709
00:36:23,291 --> 00:36:25,832
I spread it out, okay?
Sounded like a good decision at the time.
710
00:36:25,833 --> 00:36:27,707
Oh, I think that's how they get you.
711
00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:35,915
The Stupids!
712
00:36:35,916 --> 00:36:37,207
Americanos.
713
00:36:38,791 --> 00:36:40,124
Oh, shit.
714
00:36:42,291 --> 00:36:43,458
Go!
715
00:36:46,500 --> 00:36:47,790
Oh, God.
716
00:36:47,791 --> 00:36:49,125
Fuck.
717
00:36:52,041 --> 00:36:53,375
Come on.
718
00:36:59,333 --> 00:37:00,707
They're still coming.
719
00:37:00,708 --> 00:37:02,124
"They" who?
720
00:37:02,125 --> 00:37:03,915
"They" Brazil.
721
00:37:05,791 --> 00:37:07,040
Get in!
722
00:37:07,041 --> 00:37:08,457
Senhor Santos, what are you doing?
723
00:37:08,458 --> 00:37:10,374
Handling my shit.
724
00:37:35,666 --> 00:37:37,207
You look amazing, Artie.
725
00:37:37,208 --> 00:37:41,874
I went on a two-month bender,
but now I'm 23 days sober.
726
00:37:41,875 --> 00:37:43,457
I must thank you.
727
00:37:43,458 --> 00:37:45,415
You two gave me quite the wake-up call.
728
00:37:45,416 --> 00:37:46,540
Huh.
729
00:37:46,541 --> 00:37:48,499
Thank God everything's okay.
730
00:37:48,500 --> 00:37:50,540
I mean, sure, my wife left me.
731
00:37:50,541 --> 00:37:53,582
The courts took away my house and my kids.
732
00:37:53,583 --> 00:37:55,457
I lost my job, my pension.
733
00:37:55,458 --> 00:37:57,332
My dignity.
734
00:37:57,333 --> 00:37:59,499
And that's not even getting into
my withdrawal symptoms.
735
00:37:59,500 --> 00:38:03,915
It's not the bugs on my skin.
It's the bugs under my skin.
736
00:38:03,916 --> 00:38:06,624
Why are you here?
Why-why are you doing this for us?
737
00:38:06,625 --> 00:38:08,582
The 12 Steps of Recovery.
738
00:38:08,583 --> 00:38:09,957
This is number nine.
739
00:38:09,958 --> 00:38:11,749
- Aiding and abetting?
- Amends.
740
00:38:11,750 --> 00:38:13,375
So what's the plan?
741
00:38:15,166 --> 00:38:16,832
Don't look at me.
742
00:38:16,833 --> 00:38:19,332
I've been in a pretty bad
brain fog lately.
743
00:38:19,333 --> 00:38:23,082
Did I mention that they had to shock my
prefrontal cortex to stem the addiction?
744
00:38:23,083 --> 00:38:26,208
So... awaiting your thoughts.
745
00:38:27,750 --> 00:38:29,957
Look, Artie, you've been friends
with el presidente forever.
746
00:38:29,958 --> 00:38:31,207
Can't you guys just make up?
747
00:38:31,208 --> 00:38:35,332
Oh, no, no, no,
he's the most Brazilian person in Brazil.
748
00:38:35,333 --> 00:38:37,082
Well, who the fuck in Brazil
isn't Brazilian?
749
00:38:37,083 --> 00:38:40,750
Oh! The U. S. Consulate.
750
00:38:41,666 --> 00:38:43,457
- Genius.
- Diplomatic immunity.
751
00:38:43,458 --> 00:38:45,457
Hold on to your hats.
752
00:38:48,333 --> 00:38:49,707
Shit.
753
00:38:49,708 --> 00:38:50,957
Ow.
754
00:38:50,958 --> 00:38:53,290
Learn how to drive, asshole.
755
00:38:55,458 --> 00:38:57,040
Or don't learn. You're good.
756
00:38:57,041 --> 00:38:58,124
No, you're fine.
757
00:39:01,583 --> 00:39:02,708
Fuck.
758
00:39:04,833 --> 00:39:05,915
Hola.
759
00:39:05,916 --> 00:39:08,249
Uh, c-could you point us
to the ambassador, please?
760
00:39:08,250 --> 00:39:10,249
I don't think he speaks English.
761
00:39:10,250 --> 00:39:11,540
Let me handle it.
762
00:39:11,541 --> 00:39:13,416
Uh, tudo bem?
763
00:39:46,208 --> 00:39:48,125
Gentlemen...
764
00:39:50,375 --> 00:39:53,458
I'm going to ask you a simple question.
765
00:39:58,083 --> 00:40:00,832
If you get it wrong...
766
00:40:00,833 --> 00:40:04,374
I'm going to blow your head off.
767
00:40:07,458 --> 00:40:09,375
Here's the question.
768
00:40:24,333 --> 00:40:29,541
Is the answer yaysh or naow?
769
00:40:32,500 --> 00:40:36,165
Uh, uh, I'm-I'm-I'm sorry,
I wasn't completely able to understand.
770
00:40:36,166 --> 00:40:39,082
Uh, uh, could you, could you repeat
the question, please?
771
00:40:52,041 --> 00:40:56,833
So is the answer yaysh or naow?
772
00:41:00,208 --> 00:41:01,915
Uh...
773
00:41:01,916 --> 00:41:05,082
D-Did you say "regout"?
774
00:41:05,083 --> 00:41:07,040
What?
775
00:41:07,041 --> 00:41:08,749
What is "regout"?
776
00:41:08,750 --> 00:41:10,749
Bregout.
777
00:41:10,750 --> 00:41:12,333
The English word "bregout."
778
00:41:14,666 --> 00:41:17,375
Could... could you use it in a sentence?
779
00:41:23,916 --> 00:41:25,875
It is very bregout.
780
00:41:28,875 --> 00:41:31,540
So what's the answer?
781
00:41:31,541 --> 00:41:35,625
Yaysh or naow? You first.
782
00:41:36,500 --> 00:41:40,749
Um... I-I'm going to say yaysh.
783
00:41:40,750 --> 00:41:42,875
What... what is yaysh?
784
00:41:43,958 --> 00:41:46,207
You said...
785
00:41:46,208 --> 00:41:47,790
I... I'm sorry.
786
00:41:47,791 --> 00:41:52,915
I thought you said
"yaysh or naow," and...
787
00:41:52,916 --> 00:41:53,999
Hmm.
788
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:56,208
I-I'm gonna go naow.
789
00:41:57,708 --> 00:42:00,832
You chose to answer different
from your friend.
790
00:42:00,833 --> 00:42:03,833
That means one of you...
791
00:42:04,958 --> 00:42:06,833
is gonna die.
792
00:42:07,583 --> 00:42:09,457
Because...
793
00:42:09,458 --> 00:42:13,041
I am...
794
00:42:14,875 --> 00:42:16,624
fucking with you!
795
00:42:19,458 --> 00:42:22,707
You think I speak like that,
"yaysh or naow"?
796
00:42:22,708 --> 00:42:25,832
I learned really good English
at University of Mississippi.
797
00:42:25,833 --> 00:42:28,124
- Oh, go Rebels.
- Oh, Rebels.
798
00:42:28,125 --> 00:42:29,582
Ole Miss, yeah.
799
00:42:29,583 --> 00:42:32,915
I think the big alumnus from there
is, uh...
800
00:42:32,916 --> 00:42:34,790
- Peyton Manning, right?
- Eli.
801
00:42:34,791 --> 00:42:37,457
Oh, you know Eli?
Yeah, my brother-in-law met him
802
00:42:37,458 --> 00:42:39,290
a couple times, didn't get along.
803
00:42:39,291 --> 00:42:42,249
Yeah, yeah, I heard,
I heard Eli's a little tricky.
804
00:42:42,250 --> 00:42:43,707
Fuck that guy.
805
00:42:43,708 --> 00:42:46,832
- Bradley. Elijah.
- Yeah, Brad.
806
00:42:46,833 --> 00:42:50,457
I am Pavio Curto Bundchen.
807
00:42:50,458 --> 00:42:55,790
And these 300 square miles
of jungle is my home.
808
00:42:55,791 --> 00:42:58,374
Three hundred miles. How long was I out?
809
00:42:58,375 --> 00:43:00,957
Half a day. You're gonna need an MRI
if we ever get home.
810
00:43:00,958 --> 00:43:04,249
You see, uh, this house, this cartel,
811
00:43:04,250 --> 00:43:08,374
this whole country... there is nothing
in Brazil that I could not have.
812
00:43:08,375 --> 00:43:09,665
Including you two.
813
00:43:09,666 --> 00:43:15,165
If I wanted,
I could shoot three bullets in your dicks,
814
00:43:15,166 --> 00:43:20,332
take a machete, pull them out,
load them back into my gun
815
00:43:20,333 --> 00:43:22,416
and shoot them in your brains.
816
00:43:23,083 --> 00:43:25,874
If I had one request,
just make mine brain, then dick.
817
00:43:25,875 --> 00:43:27,999
I mean, once you've hit brain,
you can go to town on dick.
818
00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:29,207
Okay.
819
00:43:29,208 --> 00:43:31,375
I'm gonna go dick first.
820
00:43:32,458 --> 00:43:35,040
I mean, it's not great,
but at least I won't be dead.
821
00:43:35,041 --> 00:43:38,333
No brains or dicks today.
822
00:43:39,375 --> 00:43:41,749
You may be wondering why
I "kitchsnapped" you.
823
00:43:41,750 --> 00:43:43,374
Yeah.
824
00:43:43,375 --> 00:43:45,499
Elijah, I'm sure he's got his reasons.
Read the room.
825
00:43:45,500 --> 00:43:47,040
Speaking of rooms, this is beautiful.
826
00:43:47,041 --> 00:43:49,332
- I mean, the whole place is just stunning.
- Natural light.
827
00:43:49,333 --> 00:43:51,249
You should've seen this place before.
828
00:43:51,250 --> 00:43:52,832
It was a shithole...
829
00:43:52,833 --> 00:43:55,790
rainforest as far as the eye could see
830
00:43:55,791 --> 00:43:58,832
with indigenous people
shitting on the floor.
831
00:43:58,833 --> 00:44:01,040
So I drove them out,
832
00:44:01,041 --> 00:44:04,165
I burned down 100,000 acres,
833
00:44:04,166 --> 00:44:07,207
I put in a pool, a pickleball court,
834
00:44:07,208 --> 00:44:10,708
and... how you call it... a mass gravy?
835
00:44:11,291 --> 00:44:14,040
Mass grave. Yeah, that's what we call it.
836
00:44:14,041 --> 00:44:18,040
♪ Here comes that rainy day
feeling again ♪
837
00:44:18,041 --> 00:44:19,499
Is it too warm?
838
00:44:19,500 --> 00:44:22,165
Is it...? No. No, I'm fine.
839
00:44:22,166 --> 00:44:24,125
No, no, no, you're sweating.
840
00:44:25,541 --> 00:44:27,541
I'm such a terrible host.
841
00:44:28,416 --> 00:44:31,124
We had the problem with the AC,
so I asked Nando over here
842
00:44:31,125 --> 00:44:32,290
- to fix it.
- Hmm?
843
00:44:32,291 --> 00:44:36,165
But I guess he didn't really manage
to complete the job.
844
00:44:40,125 --> 00:44:41,541
Forgive me.
845
00:44:42,291 --> 00:44:44,125
Undercover polícia.
846
00:44:45,083 --> 00:44:48,457
At least he was giving off that vibe
for the last few years.
847
00:44:48,458 --> 00:44:52,457
Although, to be fair, I have sometimes
confused the undercover polícia vibe
848
00:44:52,458 --> 00:44:55,082
for the holding in a poo vibe
849
00:44:55,083 --> 00:44:57,208
because it's a very similar face.
850
00:44:58,666 --> 00:44:59,749
Take him away.
851
00:44:59,750 --> 00:45:01,124
The mass grave?
852
00:45:01,125 --> 00:45:04,208
No, lazy river. Of course the mass grave!
853
00:45:07,250 --> 00:45:12,082
Let-let me be the one to-to start, um,
a three-part apology.
854
00:45:12,083 --> 00:45:15,165
We-we... never would've done what we did
855
00:45:15,166 --> 00:45:19,915
had we known how much
you guys care about futebol.
856
00:45:19,916 --> 00:45:22,207
You think I care about futebol?
857
00:45:22,208 --> 00:45:26,458
I don't give 15 shits about futebol.
858
00:45:27,208 --> 00:45:29,290
In fact, I hate it.
859
00:45:29,291 --> 00:45:31,332
It's a stupid game.
860
00:45:31,333 --> 00:45:35,165
Have you ever walked into a bar
and seen a goal scored live?
861
00:45:35,166 --> 00:45:37,082
It's always a highlight.
862
00:45:37,083 --> 00:45:40,415
That's how rare these fucking goals are.
863
00:45:40,416 --> 00:45:43,540
And don't get me started
about the flopping.
864
00:45:43,541 --> 00:45:49,207
Grown men making delicate nudges look
like they've been shot with a bazooka.
865
00:45:49,208 --> 00:45:51,499
Finally someone who gets it.
866
00:45:51,500 --> 00:45:53,624
But here's the problem.
867
00:45:53,625 --> 00:45:57,415
However much I hate futebol
868
00:45:57,416 --> 00:46:03,790
is equal to how much I love money.
869
00:46:03,791 --> 00:46:05,915
I'm not materialistic.
870
00:46:05,916 --> 00:46:09,957
I don't love money.
I just love the things that it can buy
871
00:46:09,958 --> 00:46:13,332
- and the way you can control people.
- Yeah.
872
00:46:13,333 --> 00:46:15,874
Which is why, even though I hate futebol,
873
00:46:15,875 --> 00:46:22,083
I put a little, big, huge bet
on the World Cup final.
874
00:46:23,375 --> 00:46:28,041
Um, um, how much money did you...
we cause you to lose?
875
00:46:29,416 --> 00:46:31,708
How much did I lose?
876
00:46:32,875 --> 00:46:34,790
I fucking won!
877
00:46:34,791 --> 00:46:37,249
I bet the under!
878
00:46:37,250 --> 00:46:41,582
Brazil's shot goes in,
I would've been 30 million reais down.
879
00:46:41,583 --> 00:46:43,124
Instead, I'm 30 million up.
880
00:46:43,125 --> 00:46:46,207
That's 60 million reais on the swing.
881
00:46:46,208 --> 00:46:47,582
- The swing.
- The swing is,
882
00:46:47,583 --> 00:46:50,665
how do you explain it,
when you go from the down to the up.
883
00:46:50,666 --> 00:46:52,624
No, no, I know.
He thinks the swing is dumb.
884
00:46:52,625 --> 00:46:54,249
I'm-I'm coming around
on the swing now.
885
00:46:54,250 --> 00:46:55,582
I... The swing has swung.
886
00:46:55,583 --> 00:46:57,665
The swing is so big this time,
887
00:46:57,666 --> 00:47:03,082
all thanks to you two motherfuckers.
888
00:47:03,083 --> 00:47:04,332
So glad we could help.
889
00:47:04,333 --> 00:47:08,290
Um, uh, what-what, uh,
Senhor Pavio Curto, um...
890
00:47:08,291 --> 00:47:09,665
Please-please-please, call me Curt.
891
00:47:09,666 --> 00:47:11,582
- Curt?
- Curt.
892
00:47:11,583 --> 00:47:15,415
Curt, um, just so I understand,
you kidnapped us to...?
893
00:47:15,416 --> 00:47:17,082
To party!
894
00:47:21,541 --> 00:47:24,499
♪ In-a-gadda-da-vida, honey ♪
895
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:29,499
♪ Don't you know that I'm loving you? ♪
896
00:47:29,500 --> 00:47:31,915
♪ In-a-gadda-da-vida, baby...
897
00:47:31,916 --> 00:47:33,124
So, anyone?
898
00:47:33,125 --> 00:47:36,040
Anyone. Just say their name
and I kill them.
899
00:47:36,041 --> 00:47:38,290
My gift to you, gordinho.
900
00:47:38,291 --> 00:47:40,665
Oh, gosh, I got to think about that. Um...
901
00:47:40,666 --> 00:47:42,582
Oh, Bosswoman Burgess, uh...
902
00:47:42,583 --> 00:47:43,957
Wait, my doctor.
903
00:47:43,958 --> 00:47:45,290
- Your doctor?
- Yeah.
904
00:47:45,291 --> 00:47:47,290
- What a judgmental prick this guy is.
- Hmm.
905
00:47:47,291 --> 00:47:48,374
So Doctor who?
906
00:47:48,375 --> 00:47:50,290
No, do not take this down.
907
00:47:50,291 --> 00:47:54,708
This is... I'm just reading
the menu aloud. I'm not ordering.
908
00:47:55,750 --> 00:47:58,457
- Anyone else?
- Brad!
909
00:47:58,458 --> 00:48:00,207
Brad.
910
00:48:00,208 --> 00:48:01,665
Hey.
911
00:48:01,666 --> 00:48:04,832
How nice of Curt to let us shower,
loan us these cool duds.
912
00:48:04,833 --> 00:48:07,750
- Look at this shit.
- Yeah, that's great, man. Look at the TV.
913
00:48:11,083 --> 00:48:14,457
{\an8}In unusual but unsurprising news,
914
00:48:14,458 --> 00:48:17,749
{\an8}two Americans
running amok in another country.
915
00:48:17,750 --> 00:48:20,624
{\an8}Brad Lewison and Elijah DeBell,
916
00:48:20,625 --> 00:48:25,499
{\an8}former employees of the now defunct
Regal Blue Condom Company.
917
00:48:25,500 --> 00:48:27,415
{\an8}Oh, I couldn't believe it when I saw it.
918
00:48:27,416 --> 00:48:28,540
Are you kidding me?
919
00:48:28,541 --> 00:48:31,457
{\an8}I mean, Brad, yes, of course,
it was just a matter of time.
920
00:48:31,458 --> 00:48:33,957
{\an8}But Elijah, now, that...
921
00:48:33,958 --> 00:48:36,124
{\an8}- I don't want to watch this shit.
- Was really out of character for him.
922
00:48:36,125 --> 00:48:39,457
Have an opinion on what's been dubbed
the Fiasco in Rio.
923
00:48:39,458 --> 00:48:41,499
Frankly...
924
00:48:41,500 --> 00:48:43,040
I-I'm embarrassed.
925
00:48:43,041 --> 00:48:45,957
{\an8}I mean, think about all the good the USA
has done for South America...
926
00:48:45,958 --> 00:48:49,082
{\an8}the war on drugs,
how the CIA ran their elections...
927
00:48:49,083 --> 00:48:51,832
{\an8}and all that good is gone now,
evacuated into thin air,
928
00:48:51,833 --> 00:48:53,499
all because of these two a-holes.
929
00:48:53,500 --> 00:48:55,499
But the anger Americans are feeling
930
00:48:55,500 --> 00:48:59,290
pales to the outrage that has swept across
the fifth-largest country in the world.
931
00:48:59,291 --> 00:49:00,374
If I got a chance,
932
00:49:00,375 --> 00:49:01,999
I would kill those guys!
933
00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:03,499
It's only a matter of time!
934
00:49:03,500 --> 00:49:04,749
And they will be dead!
935
00:49:04,750 --> 00:49:06,582
What is
an embarrassment for America
936
00:49:06,583 --> 00:49:08,707
has become a tragedy for Brazil.
937
00:49:08,708 --> 00:49:10,790
Back to you, Alexi, in the studio.
938
00:49:10,791 --> 00:49:15,082
All of soccer-obsessed Brazil
is now hunting Lewison and DeBell.
939
00:49:15,083 --> 00:49:16,457
- Okay.
- Two thoughtless Americans...
940
00:49:16,458 --> 00:49:17,915
Blah, blah, blah.
941
00:49:17,916 --> 00:49:20,082
Everybody in Brazil want to punish you.
942
00:49:20,083 --> 00:49:21,999
Not while I'm still alive.
943
00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:24,290
- See?
- More champagne!
944
00:49:24,291 --> 00:49:25,915
- You're the best, Curt.
- Thank you.
945
00:49:25,916 --> 00:49:27,915
We're safe here with him.
946
00:49:27,916 --> 00:49:30,416
- Relax. Relax.
- Yeah, we're fine. Champagne's the answer.
947
00:49:31,166 --> 00:49:32,875
- Oh, hey. Hi.
- Hi.
948
00:49:33,666 --> 00:49:35,749
You're the Americano.
949
00:49:35,750 --> 00:49:37,040
Yeah.
950
00:49:37,041 --> 00:49:38,708
You like karaoke?
951
00:49:39,416 --> 00:49:40,874
Okey dokey.
952
00:49:40,875 --> 00:49:42,582
How about titties?
953
00:49:42,583 --> 00:49:44,790
A little bitty. Are these trick questions?
954
00:49:53,041 --> 00:49:55,540
Will you sing me a song, gatinho?
955
00:49:55,541 --> 00:49:58,707
Um, I don't know. I don't really...
956
00:49:58,708 --> 00:50:00,040
Please.
957
00:50:00,041 --> 00:50:01,790
- Well, no.
- Entertain me.
958
00:50:01,791 --> 00:50:04,207
- I don't really sing karaoke.
- Just, just one s... one song.
959
00:50:04,208 --> 00:50:05,415
I don't sing karaoke.
960
00:50:05,416 --> 00:50:06,790
Sing me a fucking song, dude.
961
00:50:06,791 --> 00:50:10,832
♪ But you didn't have to cut me off ♪
962
00:50:10,833 --> 00:50:14,832
♪ make out like it never happened
and that we were nothing ♪
963
00:50:14,833 --> 00:50:17,457
♪ And I don't even need your love ♪
964
00:50:17,458 --> 00:50:21,374
♪ Now you're just somebody
that I used to know ♪
965
00:50:29,375 --> 00:50:34,875
♪ Now and then, I think of all the times
you screwed me over ♪
966
00:50:36,416 --> 00:50:43,041
♪ but had me believing
it was always something that I'd done ♪
967
00:50:44,625 --> 00:50:47,999
♪ And I don't wanna live that way ♪
968
00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:51,707
♪ reading into every word you say ♪
969
00:50:51,708 --> 00:50:54,749
♪ You said that you could let it go ♪
970
00:50:54,750 --> 00:50:59,165
♪ and I wouldn't catch you hung up
on somebody that you used to know ♪
971
00:50:59,166 --> 00:51:02,957
♪ But you didn't have to cut me off ♪
972
00:51:02,958 --> 00:51:06,915
♪ make out like it never happened
and that we were nothing ♪
973
00:51:06,916 --> 00:51:09,624
♪ And I don't even need your love ♪
974
00:51:09,625 --> 00:51:12,665
♪ Treat me like a stranger,
and that feels so ♪
975
00:51:14,250 --> 00:51:16,124
Bravo. So charming!
976
00:51:16,125 --> 00:51:17,999
I love you two!
977
00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:20,040
You are geniuses.
978
00:51:20,041 --> 00:51:23,374
And now I want to reward you
with anything you want
979
00:51:23,375 --> 00:51:25,916
in the whole wide world, just name it.
980
00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:28,458
Can we go home?
981
00:51:30,041 --> 00:51:31,374
Almost anything.
982
00:51:31,375 --> 00:51:32,875
You can never leave here.
983
00:51:33,625 --> 00:51:36,624
I mean, you've seen
how Brazil reacts to you.
984
00:51:36,625 --> 00:51:38,332
It's too risky.
985
00:51:38,333 --> 00:51:40,791
Is there anything else?
986
00:51:41,708 --> 00:51:42,957
I got something.
987
00:51:42,958 --> 00:51:47,915
And we call it the Testicle Sent...
988
00:51:47,916 --> 00:51:49,915
the Balls Up.
989
00:51:49,916 --> 00:51:52,500
Okay. Call it Balls Up.
990
00:51:53,083 --> 00:51:54,291
Sorry.
991
00:51:56,541 --> 00:51:59,374
Why'd nobody ever
thought about this before?
992
00:51:59,375 --> 00:52:02,458
You know, Elijah...
993
00:52:03,583 --> 00:52:06,624
I never pictured myself
in the condom business.
994
00:52:06,625 --> 00:52:08,957
It's kind of a seedy industry.
995
00:52:08,958 --> 00:52:11,999
I'd have to tell my mother I was...
996
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:13,457
dealing in meth,
997
00:52:13,458 --> 00:52:15,958
but...
998
00:52:17,333 --> 00:52:19,583
- That means I'm in.
- You're in?
999
00:52:20,625 --> 00:52:22,540
You're...
1000
00:52:22,541 --> 00:52:23,707
Hero ball.
1001
00:52:23,708 --> 00:52:25,665
It's about fucking time!
1002
00:52:25,666 --> 00:52:27,332
So much-needed protection
1003
00:52:27,333 --> 00:52:30,249
for my exposed testicles.
1004
00:52:30,250 --> 00:52:32,999
I couldn't care less
about your testículos.
1005
00:52:33,000 --> 00:52:38,624
But imagine how much cocaína
we can stuff into these condoms
1006
00:52:38,625 --> 00:52:40,874
that we can swallow and smuggle.
1007
00:52:40,875 --> 00:52:42,374
Wow, you'd kill.
1008
00:52:42,375 --> 00:52:46,582
I mean, these would be big
cocaína sausages with meatballs.
1009
00:52:46,583 --> 00:52:48,624
This could transform the industry.
1010
00:52:48,625 --> 00:52:52,540
Let's just see if it's as durable
as you say, okay?
1011
00:52:56,041 --> 00:52:57,499
Quick question.
1012
00:52:57,500 --> 00:53:00,582
What if I have a really strong gag reflex?
1013
00:53:00,583 --> 00:53:06,582
Well, maybe I decide that this condom
wasn't fit for such use
1014
00:53:06,583 --> 00:53:11,915
and that you have wasted mine
and my family's time
1015
00:53:11,916 --> 00:53:17,749
and that perhaps I should make a futebol
out of your two cheeks.
1016
00:53:17,750 --> 00:53:19,125
I appreciate your honesty.
1017
00:53:19,791 --> 00:53:21,332
Just one gulp.
1018
00:53:21,333 --> 00:53:23,540
Mm, yeah, just swallow it whole.
1019
00:53:23,541 --> 00:53:26,290
Come on, you know I have the throat thing
where it closes up.
1020
00:53:26,291 --> 00:53:28,500
Well, for God sakes, don't chew it.
1021
00:53:34,250 --> 00:53:36,249
Beautiful.
1022
00:53:36,250 --> 00:53:37,624
Lovely technique.
1023
00:53:37,625 --> 00:53:40,082
Well, those exercises worked.
1024
00:53:47,250 --> 00:53:50,249
Guessing this isn't you guys'
first rodeo, huh?
1025
00:53:50,250 --> 00:53:51,833
Get it down.
1026
00:53:55,708 --> 00:53:56,790
Mm.
1027
00:53:56,791 --> 00:53:58,666
♪ We built this city ♪
1028
00:53:59,625 --> 00:54:02,290
♪ We built this city on rock and roll ♪
1029
00:54:02,291 --> 00:54:03,624
Is that...
1030
00:54:03,625 --> 00:54:04,957
Jefferson Starship?
1031
00:54:06,500 --> 00:54:08,124
Just Starship.
1032
00:54:08,125 --> 00:54:10,625
- They dropped the "Jefferson."
- Did they?
1033
00:54:12,125 --> 00:54:15,707
Is there a problem? Do you want some, uh,
Tabasco on it or something?
1034
00:54:15,708 --> 00:54:17,457
It's-it's too tasteless.
1035
00:54:17,458 --> 00:54:19,082
It's not the flavor so much.
1036
00:54:19,083 --> 00:54:24,124
It's more that it's a whole penis
and balls full of cocaine
1037
00:54:24,125 --> 00:54:25,915
that could choke me to death.
1038
00:54:25,916 --> 00:54:27,458
I fully understand.
1039
00:55:11,541 --> 00:55:12,749
I got it.
1040
00:55:12,750 --> 00:55:15,125
Bravo!
1041
00:55:15,708 --> 00:55:17,457
- Yes!
- What?
1042
00:55:19,166 --> 00:55:21,749
- Let's go back to the party, gatinho.
- How'd you get it down?
1043
00:55:21,750 --> 00:55:24,040
- Hey, Brad, how'd you get it down?
- Bye.
1044
00:55:24,041 --> 00:55:26,124
- It's easy, just suck it down.
- Go back to the party.
1045
00:55:26,125 --> 00:55:27,665
Enjoy my cartel.
1046
00:55:27,666 --> 00:55:30,499
Those two... those two crazy kids.
1047
00:55:30,500 --> 00:55:32,290
Beautiful determination.
1048
00:55:32,291 --> 00:55:34,250
This sucks, man.
1049
00:55:40,583 --> 00:55:42,291
Time out. I'm sorry.
1050
00:55:42,875 --> 00:55:45,166
Is that Gisele?
1051
00:55:46,041 --> 00:55:48,415
What's, uh, what's the story on Gisele?
1052
00:55:48,416 --> 00:55:51,208
Is she another one of your conquests?
1053
00:55:52,208 --> 00:55:57,416
Why would I want to make a conquest
of my sister?
1054
00:56:00,250 --> 00:56:02,125
Gisele i...
1055
00:56:02,708 --> 00:56:04,624
She's your sister?
1056
00:56:04,625 --> 00:56:07,707
Pavio Curto Bundchen.
1057
00:56:07,708 --> 00:56:09,540
Gisele Bundchen.
1058
00:56:09,541 --> 00:56:12,749
- Wow.
- At the family gatherings,
1059
00:56:12,750 --> 00:56:17,040
everyone would say that I was going
to go and be the supermodel
1060
00:56:17,041 --> 00:56:20,249
and that she would be the cartel leader.
1061
00:56:20,250 --> 00:56:24,374
Our father said that one of us
had to go to university
1062
00:56:24,375 --> 00:56:26,125
to study cocaine dealing.
1063
00:56:27,250 --> 00:56:28,625
Being the eldest...
1064
00:56:30,791 --> 00:56:32,332
I did the honorable thing.
1065
00:56:32,333 --> 00:56:36,750
I gave up my dream
so that she could follow hers.
1066
00:56:37,750 --> 00:56:39,749
Sure, she did fine,
1067
00:56:39,750 --> 00:56:41,249
but I could've been better.
1068
00:56:41,250 --> 00:56:43,833
I could've brought the world together...
1069
00:56:45,416 --> 00:56:47,332
in desire for me.
1070
00:56:47,333 --> 00:56:49,832
But she always craved attention.
1071
00:56:49,833 --> 00:56:52,665
I mean, even today,
she surrounds herself with yes-men.
1072
00:56:52,666 --> 00:56:54,500
- Isn't that right, men?
- Yes.
1073
00:56:55,916 --> 00:56:57,540
Hey, boss.
1074
00:56:57,541 --> 00:56:59,249
- Show him.
- Yes.
1075
00:56:59,250 --> 00:57:00,790
No, no, no.
1076
00:57:00,791 --> 00:57:03,249
- Show him.
- No, he doesn't want to see it.
1077
00:57:03,250 --> 00:57:04,415
Show him.
1078
00:57:04,416 --> 00:57:05,707
No, no, he's not interested.
1079
00:57:05,708 --> 00:57:08,415
I'm interested. This can wait.
1080
00:57:08,416 --> 00:57:10,040
He needs to see.
1081
00:57:10,041 --> 00:57:12,625
Please, Curt.
1082
00:57:14,375 --> 00:57:15,999
Dois minutos. Stay right there.
1083
00:57:22,416 --> 00:57:24,082
Actually not feeling too sexy.
1084
00:57:24,083 --> 00:57:25,915
Kind of bloated from that coke cock.
1085
00:57:25,916 --> 00:57:28,291
Mm, too bad.
1086
00:57:29,291 --> 00:57:33,957
I've always wanted
to fuck the dick off an American.
1087
00:57:33,958 --> 00:57:36,415
Can we... can we stop just short of that?
1088
00:57:36,416 --> 00:57:38,040
Mm...
1089
00:57:39,875 --> 00:57:41,499
You st-still got it.
1090
00:57:41,500 --> 00:57:43,957
I could've been the greatest!
1091
00:57:43,958 --> 00:57:45,333
Yep.
1092
00:57:47,750 --> 00:57:50,374
You got three seconds to swallow.
1093
00:57:50,375 --> 00:57:52,165
When you put it like that.
1094
00:58:10,708 --> 00:58:13,290
That's interesting... balls first.
1095
00:58:13,291 --> 00:58:14,582
I wouldn't have expected that.
1096
00:58:14,583 --> 00:58:19,082
I figured if you get the balls down first,
then everything else will follow.
1097
00:58:19,083 --> 00:58:20,707
To Balls Up!
1098
00:58:20,708 --> 00:58:23,207
Balls Up!
1099
00:58:27,291 --> 00:58:29,415
Elijah, a question.
1100
00:58:29,416 --> 00:58:31,374
I can see the resemblance now.
1101
00:58:31,375 --> 00:58:33,040
At least in the hair, right?
1102
00:58:33,041 --> 00:58:34,166
Have you seen your friend?
1103
00:58:35,041 --> 00:58:37,583
Brad? No. Uh, he went off with some...
1104
00:58:38,416 --> 00:58:40,832
That woman he left with? Emilia?
1105
00:58:40,833 --> 00:58:42,165
Yeah.
1106
00:58:42,166 --> 00:58:44,040
That's Pavio Curto's wife.
1107
00:58:44,041 --> 00:58:46,124
That's his wife?
1108
00:58:46,125 --> 00:58:48,415
See, my boss, he has had a lot of sex.
1109
00:58:48,416 --> 00:58:49,999
Like, a lot.
1110
00:58:50,000 --> 00:58:52,124
So much sex,
it no longer get exciting for him.
1111
00:58:52,125 --> 00:58:55,207
So, in order to get him going,
1112
00:58:55,208 --> 00:58:57,374
Emilia, she find another man,
1113
00:58:57,375 --> 00:58:58,790
- seduces him...
- Yeah.
1114
00:58:58,791 --> 00:59:00,915
- Then Pavio Curto catches her...
- Oh.
1115
00:59:00,916 --> 00:59:02,415
Gets all mad, and...
1116
00:59:02,416 --> 00:59:04,499
those two go have sex
while we torture the other man to death
1117
00:59:04,500 --> 00:59:06,291
using a broken cachaça bottle up the ass.
1118
00:59:07,583 --> 00:59:08,915
It-it's a whole thing.
1119
00:59:08,916 --> 00:59:11,124
It's, uh, it's a whole thing.
1120
00:59:11,125 --> 00:59:13,374
I... Guys, give me one minute.
1121
00:59:13,375 --> 00:59:15,415
- Toys?
- Oh, you're gonna love this, Brad.
1122
00:59:15,416 --> 00:59:16,957
- I don't know about that.
- Brad, hey.
1123
00:59:16,958 --> 00:59:18,040
Oh, hey, Lij.
1124
00:59:18,041 --> 00:59:20,124
Give me a Balls Up from
the bottomless fanny pack of yours.
1125
00:59:20,125 --> 00:59:23,790
I need you to get off the bed,
get the woman off of you right now.
1126
00:59:23,791 --> 00:59:25,832
Emilia!
1127
00:59:27,458 --> 00:59:29,540
Is this Americano taking advantage of you?
1128
00:59:29,541 --> 00:59:31,707
Yes. Yes, he was.
1129
00:59:31,708 --> 00:59:33,415
What? No, no, quite the contrary.
1130
00:59:33,416 --> 00:59:34,957
She was trying to fuck my dick off.
1131
00:59:34,958 --> 00:59:37,125
Brad, Brad, Brad.
1132
00:59:38,708 --> 00:59:40,582
We all know what happens now.
1133
00:59:40,583 --> 00:59:42,415
Actually, I don't.
1134
00:59:42,416 --> 00:59:44,249
Uh, you do?
1135
00:59:44,250 --> 00:59:46,666
What the...?
1136
00:59:48,125 --> 00:59:50,415
This is, this is just a misunderstanding.
1137
00:59:50,416 --> 00:59:52,624
I got confused
when you said enjoy the cartel.
1138
00:59:52,625 --> 00:59:54,040
I-I thought you meant her.
1139
00:59:54,041 --> 00:59:56,874
What, you thought I meant to take
the woman who's married to me
1140
00:59:56,875 --> 00:59:59,832
and try and put your pinto
in her...?
1141
00:59:59,833 --> 01:00:01,790
Well, I-I didn't know
you guys were married.
1142
01:00:01,791 --> 01:00:03,790
- I mean, she's, uh, she's very friendly.
- Yeah...
1143
01:00:03,791 --> 01:00:05,165
Yeah, she is very friendly.
1144
01:00:05,166 --> 01:00:07,374
That's our nature. That's Brazil.
1145
01:00:07,375 --> 01:00:11,124
Her ex-husband is not even decomposed
in the mass gravy.
1146
01:00:11,125 --> 01:00:13,082
My dear husband,
1147
01:00:13,083 --> 01:00:15,124
how will you avenge my honor?
1148
01:00:16,458 --> 01:00:18,416
I was thinking a little bit of murder.
1149
01:00:19,041 --> 01:00:21,415
Are you as turned on as I am?
1150
01:00:25,208 --> 01:00:26,665
Wait a minute.
1151
01:00:26,666 --> 01:00:29,082
Time out.
I thought we were all friends here.
1152
01:00:29,083 --> 01:00:31,665
Davi, Benicio,
you're just not gonna say anything?
1153
01:00:31,666 --> 01:00:34,499
No, you're not my friend,
you piece of shit.
1154
01:00:34,500 --> 01:00:37,124
I grew up in a futebol- loving family.
1155
01:00:37,125 --> 01:00:38,457
I'm sorry.
1156
01:00:38,458 --> 01:00:41,165
Seriously, for the thousandth time,
1157
01:00:41,166 --> 01:00:44,165
it's only a game!
1158
01:00:44,166 --> 01:00:46,750
Yeah, one you're about to lose. Kill them.
1159
01:00:47,708 --> 01:00:50,999
Okay, fuck-boy, prepare to die.
1160
01:00:51,000 --> 01:00:52,708
It's time for analismo.
1161
01:00:54,166 --> 01:00:56,250
Gentlemen, please put him in position.
1162
01:01:17,500 --> 01:01:18,499
What?
1163
01:01:18,500 --> 01:01:23,165
It must have been
the rival Cardosa cartel.
1164
01:01:23,166 --> 01:01:28,124
They will not stop
until they kill everyone.
1165
01:01:28,125 --> 01:01:32,874
Please, shoot them in the dicks for me.
1166
01:01:32,875 --> 01:01:35,415
All right, we'll-we'll...
we'll do our absolute best.
1167
01:01:35,416 --> 01:01:37,124
Kiss me.
1168
01:01:37,125 --> 01:01:38,915
Huh?
1169
01:01:38,916 --> 01:01:40,583
Kiss me.
1170
01:01:41,333 --> 01:01:42,708
What?
1171
01:01:43,333 --> 01:01:44,999
No, no, no, no.
1172
01:01:45,000 --> 01:01:47,332
Don't you dare let go.
1173
01:01:47,333 --> 01:01:50,082
Don't you die on us, Curt. Stay here.
1174
01:01:50,083 --> 01:01:51,790
Right here! Right here!
1175
01:01:53,750 --> 01:01:55,124
I don't know why I said that.
1176
01:01:55,125 --> 01:01:56,999
This is the best thing
that could've happened to us.
1177
01:01:57,000 --> 01:01:59,374
Yeah, we need to get the fuck out of here.
Now. Come on.
1178
01:02:01,083 --> 01:02:02,915
Okay.
1179
01:02:27,333 --> 01:02:29,624
- Oh, fuck.
- Come on. Come on.
1180
01:02:29,625 --> 01:02:31,457
Careful you don't fall into
the mass grave.
1181
01:02:42,125 --> 01:02:44,290
I think they just called our group.
1182
01:02:51,875 --> 01:02:53,457
Come on.
1183
01:02:56,541 --> 01:02:59,915
Oh, fuck. God.
1184
01:03:01,000 --> 01:03:02,083
Oh, my God.
1185
01:03:02,666 --> 01:03:04,915
There's got to be a hundred million
dollars' worth of cocaine in this truck.
1186
01:03:04,916 --> 01:03:07,665
Yeah, about five mil in our stomachs.
1187
01:03:07,666 --> 01:03:09,832
Right now, intestines.
You're not feeling that?
1188
01:03:09,833 --> 01:03:11,249
Oh, no.
1189
01:03:11,250 --> 01:03:13,374
Come on! Let's go!
1190
01:03:18,583 --> 01:03:20,040
Oh, my God.
1191
01:03:20,041 --> 01:03:22,374
I'm inhaling coke.
1192
01:03:22,375 --> 01:03:24,833
I've never done a drug
in my life.
1193
01:03:27,916 --> 01:03:29,332
Murphy's Law.
1194
01:03:29,333 --> 01:03:31,624
He finally lets us invite
a few bikini girls
1195
01:03:31,625 --> 01:03:33,250
to a party and...
1196
01:03:34,250 --> 01:03:35,957
Hey, is your stomach hurting?
1197
01:03:35,958 --> 01:03:37,624
It's probably that artichoke dip.
1198
01:03:37,625 --> 01:03:40,374
No. Wait. The cocaine!
1199
01:03:40,375 --> 01:03:41,582
The cocaine!
1200
01:03:41,583 --> 01:03:42,874
Holy shit.
1201
01:03:42,875 --> 01:03:45,332
Not only do you have a dick inside you,
1202
01:03:45,333 --> 01:03:47,124
but two ballbags too.
1203
01:03:47,125 --> 01:03:49,332
All thanks to those Americans.
1204
01:03:49,333 --> 01:03:52,249
What are they saying?
What the fuck's going on?
1205
01:03:52,250 --> 01:03:53,332
Okay, wait.
1206
01:03:54,416 --> 01:03:56,165
My husband let down his guard,
1207
01:03:56,166 --> 01:03:59,165
and now he's dead,
thanks to those dumb motherfuckers.
1208
01:04:00,500 --> 01:04:02,999
I'd like to chop them
into little pieces
1209
01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:06,000
and eat them like peanuts
all the way to Paraguay.
1210
01:04:06,500 --> 01:04:07,915
The tall one, "Brad"?
1211
01:04:07,916 --> 01:04:09,999
What an empty suit.
1212
01:04:10,000 --> 01:04:13,707
He thought
he actually had a chance with me.
1213
01:04:13,708 --> 01:04:15,499
Zero chemistry.
1214
01:04:15,500 --> 01:04:17,124
It was like being motorboated
1215
01:04:17,125 --> 01:04:18,540
- by your brother.
- What?
1216
01:04:18,541 --> 01:04:20,290
He got lucky.
1217
01:04:20,291 --> 01:04:22,540
Two more minutes,
he'd have been tortured to death
1218
01:04:22,541 --> 01:04:24,999
with a broken bottle in his shithole.
1219
01:04:25,000 --> 01:04:26,332
Ah, Elijah...
1220
01:04:26,333 --> 01:04:28,415
He has such small-dick energy.
1221
01:04:28,416 --> 01:04:31,040
So neurotic.
1222
01:04:31,041 --> 01:04:32,749
Actually, I, uh,
1223
01:04:32,750 --> 01:04:34,374
I really, I shouldn't make fun.
1224
01:04:34,375 --> 01:04:35,790
OCD is sad.
1225
01:04:35,791 --> 01:04:37,332
Let's... We can stop.
1226
01:04:37,333 --> 01:04:38,915
- Give me this. Are you fucking...
- Why are you...?
1227
01:04:41,750 --> 01:04:42,999
What the hell was that?
1228
01:04:54,666 --> 01:04:55,999
You all right?
1229
01:04:56,000 --> 01:04:58,790
I got...
I got the wind knocked out of me.
1230
01:04:58,791 --> 01:05:00,374
Are you okay?
1231
01:05:00,375 --> 01:05:01,790
Yeah. Yeah.
1232
01:05:01,791 --> 01:05:04,332
Shit, I can't find my phone.
1233
01:05:04,333 --> 01:05:05,624
Oh, I got it.
1234
01:05:05,625 --> 01:05:08,249
- I got it in the thing.
- What? Oh, God.
1235
01:05:08,250 --> 01:05:09,582
Thank you.
1236
01:05:16,708 --> 01:05:19,499
Oh, God.
1237
01:05:21,250 --> 01:05:23,666
- Shit.
- Wow, that hurt.
1238
01:05:24,708 --> 01:05:26,291
Be quiet.
1239
01:05:27,291 --> 01:05:29,290
You know what?
1240
01:05:29,291 --> 01:05:30,749
I actually feel pretty good.
1241
01:05:30,750 --> 01:05:32,208
That's the coke.
1242
01:05:36,666 --> 01:05:38,500
Oh.
1243
01:05:39,208 --> 01:05:40,416
Oh, my God.
1244
01:05:41,416 --> 01:05:43,707
Should we say a prayer?
1245
01:05:43,708 --> 01:05:45,582
For who?
1246
01:05:45,583 --> 01:05:48,457
For the horny killers who tried to kill us
and are still gonna get us killed
1247
01:05:48,458 --> 01:05:50,790
- if we wait here for the other killers?
- Oh, right.
1248
01:05:50,791 --> 01:05:52,333
I'll say something for them later.
1249
01:05:54,500 --> 01:05:56,457
All right, come on. Let's get going.
1250
01:05:59,000 --> 01:06:00,999
- What the fuck? Ow, shit.
- What?
1251
01:06:01,000 --> 01:06:02,999
- My-my leg is fucked up.
- No, no, no.
1252
01:06:03,000 --> 01:06:05,457
Come on, we got to go, man.
We're in the middle of the jungle.
1253
01:06:05,458 --> 01:06:07,499
- Holy shit.
- What?
1254
01:06:07,500 --> 01:06:08,957
Uh...
1255
01:06:08,958 --> 01:06:10,707
Nothing. Just don't look down.
1256
01:06:10,708 --> 01:06:12,790
- Now all I want to do is look down.
- I know, but don't...
1257
01:06:12,791 --> 01:06:14,749
Oh, my God, my knee.
1258
01:06:14,750 --> 01:06:16,665
You know what my grandmother says
in a moment like this?
1259
01:06:16,666 --> 01:06:18,540
Just fix my knee
before the booger sugar wears off.
1260
01:06:18,541 --> 01:06:19,874
- Please.
- Yeah, you're right.
1261
01:06:19,875 --> 01:06:21,165
Sorry.
1262
01:06:21,166 --> 01:06:25,040
Hey, before I do this,
I just want to say...
1263
01:06:25,041 --> 01:06:27,207
Brad...
1264
01:06:27,208 --> 01:06:28,290
I love you, man.
1265
01:06:28,291 --> 01:06:29,624
Yeah, that's just
the fucking coke talking.
1266
01:06:29,625 --> 01:06:30,874
I love you, too. Now get the knee.
1267
01:06:30,875 --> 01:06:32,624
- Fucking what the fuck?
- You just say that because you're high?
1268
01:06:32,625 --> 01:06:34,874
- 'Cause I'm not just saying it.
- The knee.
1269
01:06:34,875 --> 01:06:36,457
All right, the knee.
1270
01:06:36,458 --> 01:06:37,957
- Y'all ready for this?
- It's the other one.
1271
01:06:37,958 --> 01:06:40,207
Oh. Absolutely.
1272
01:06:40,208 --> 01:06:41,832
Is it lefty loosey, righty tighty?
1273
01:06:41,833 --> 01:06:44,790
I don't think it works like... Oh, my God!
1274
01:06:44,791 --> 01:06:46,457
Oh, shit. Oh, my God.
1275
01:06:46,458 --> 01:06:48,250
I fixed that shit.
1276
01:06:49,500 --> 01:06:50,707
Tudo bem.
1277
01:06:50,708 --> 01:06:52,999
- Eh, tudo bem. Tudo bem.
- Oh, my God.
1278
01:06:53,000 --> 01:06:55,582
Oh, you fixed my knee.
1279
01:06:55,583 --> 01:06:56,915
Thank you. Thank you.
1280
01:06:56,916 --> 01:06:58,207
So...
1281
01:06:58,208 --> 01:06:59,875
Love you, too.
1282
01:07:01,291 --> 01:07:02,790
What?
1283
01:07:02,791 --> 01:07:05,125
I know what this looks like.
1284
01:07:06,000 --> 01:07:09,582
Okay, now, careful.
Just see if it... works.
1285
01:07:09,583 --> 01:07:10,874
Yeah.
1286
01:07:10,875 --> 01:07:12,457
- You all right?
- Oh.
1287
01:07:12,458 --> 01:07:14,832
- It's genius.
- Oh!
1288
01:07:14,833 --> 01:07:16,457
Good. I'm glad.
1289
01:07:16,458 --> 01:07:18,457
Now, to get us out of the jungle...
1290
01:07:18,458 --> 01:07:20,290
No bars. Okay, so no GPS.
1291
01:07:20,291 --> 01:07:24,874
But we do know
that they were driving west to Paraguay.
1292
01:07:24,875 --> 01:07:26,207
The sun rises in the east, so...
1293
01:07:26,208 --> 01:07:27,540
No, I think it's backwards
below the equator.
1294
01:07:27,541 --> 01:07:28,874
No, you couldn't be more wrong.
1295
01:07:28,875 --> 01:07:32,749
So what we have to do is we need to walk
with our backs toward the morning light...
1296
01:07:32,750 --> 01:07:35,290
and then run until we get to Paraguay.
1297
01:07:35,291 --> 01:07:36,665
Okay. All right.
1298
01:07:36,666 --> 01:07:39,832
♪ Paraguay good times, come on ♪
1299
01:07:41,500 --> 01:07:43,875
♪ It's a Paraguaytion ♪
1300
01:07:45,458 --> 01:07:47,749
You think
we're making good progress?
1301
01:07:47,750 --> 01:07:49,707
No. No, I don't.
1302
01:07:49,708 --> 01:07:52,582
And without bricks of cocaine,
1303
01:07:52,583 --> 01:07:54,540
- I'm starting to realize...
- Don't say it.
1304
01:07:54,541 --> 01:07:57,500
- We are super fucked.
- I said don't!
1305
01:07:58,250 --> 01:08:00,082
That's crazy to think about.
1306
01:08:00,083 --> 01:08:01,790
It's ironic, you know.
1307
01:08:01,791 --> 01:08:05,457
I used to fear that the rainforest
was gonna be chopped down.
1308
01:08:05,458 --> 01:08:08,332
Now I'm starting to think
they didn't chop it down fast enough.
1309
01:08:08,333 --> 01:08:09,707
You know what?
1310
01:08:09,708 --> 01:08:13,249
I remember you ruining a lunch or two
with that bullshit rainforest thing.
1311
01:08:13,250 --> 01:08:15,832
Am I spoiling your good time, Brad?
1312
01:08:15,833 --> 01:08:18,582
No, no, you know what?
I used to think Steve was the fun police.
1313
01:08:18,583 --> 01:08:20,290
But it's not. It's you.
1314
01:08:20,291 --> 01:08:22,040
It's been you the whole time.
1315
01:08:22,041 --> 01:08:25,457
Dude, when people laugh,
they're not laughing with you.
1316
01:08:25,458 --> 01:08:27,250
They're laughing at you.
1317
01:08:27,833 --> 01:08:31,290
Did it ever occur to you that "from Sales"
might be a pejorative?
1318
01:08:32,625 --> 01:08:34,582
You know what? Maybe they do laugh at me,
1319
01:08:34,583 --> 01:08:36,332
but they roll their eyes at you.
1320
01:08:36,333 --> 01:08:38,665
All your "No one's up to my standards,"
"I arrived early,"
1321
01:08:38,666 --> 01:08:40,582
"I left late,"
"I wiped down the microwave,"
1322
01:08:40,583 --> 01:08:41,915
"I kissed everybody's ass."
1323
01:08:41,916 --> 01:08:43,874
How'd that work out for you, huh?
1324
01:08:43,875 --> 01:08:46,790
So all that nice stuff you said
back there, that was just, what?
1325
01:08:46,791 --> 01:08:49,874
I told you, that was cocaine. Okay?
1326
01:08:49,875 --> 01:08:52,040
And speaking of which...
1327
01:08:52,041 --> 01:08:54,124
we're gonna need some more yeyo
if we want to survive.
1328
01:08:54,125 --> 01:08:55,915
No, I'm not doing more blow.
1329
01:08:55,916 --> 01:08:58,790
Really? So where are we gonna get
the energy we need to get out of here?
1330
01:08:58,791 --> 01:09:01,207
Just nor... Don't snort me!
1331
01:09:01,208 --> 01:09:04,290
You want energy?
Just use normal, real-life energy.
1332
01:09:04,291 --> 01:09:05,957
Normal energy is gonna run out.
1333
01:09:05,958 --> 01:09:09,040
I mean, unless you got, like, what,
a leg of lamb you're not telling me about,
1334
01:09:09,041 --> 01:09:10,749
we're gonna need some blow, okay?
1335
01:09:12,333 --> 01:09:14,375
I think I know where we can get some.
1336
01:09:15,208 --> 01:09:17,082
Oh. Oh, no.
1337
01:09:17,083 --> 01:09:18,957
Mm-hmm.
1338
01:09:18,958 --> 01:09:21,457
Yeah, do me a favor.
Just take it over there, would you?
1339
01:09:21,458 --> 01:09:22,874
Yeah, no problem.
1340
01:09:22,875 --> 01:09:24,540
- And, Brad?
- What?
1341
01:09:24,541 --> 01:09:27,749
What we're about to do, we never speak of.
1342
01:09:27,750 --> 01:09:29,999
Relax. We're just taking a dump, okay?
1343
01:09:30,000 --> 01:09:31,374
I may need your help.
1344
01:09:31,375 --> 01:09:33,999
Yeah, that goes to the grave.
1345
01:09:39,083 --> 01:09:40,916
I don't think I can do it.
1346
01:09:42,000 --> 01:09:43,374
Me, either.
1347
01:09:43,375 --> 01:09:45,457
Though they did come out sparkling clean.
1348
01:09:45,458 --> 01:09:48,249
That's actually by design.
1349
01:09:48,250 --> 01:09:51,207
Yeah, the, uh,
patented latex blend we use,
1350
01:09:51,208 --> 01:09:54,749
it deflects any kind of contaminant,
especially fecal matter.
1351
01:09:54,750 --> 01:09:57,040
You really are good with shit.
1352
01:09:57,041 --> 01:09:58,915
Yeah.
1353
01:09:58,916 --> 01:10:01,583
Me and my shit.
1354
01:10:02,833 --> 01:10:06,249
People, that's another story.
1355
01:10:06,250 --> 01:10:08,166
Well, at least you care about people.
1356
01:10:09,166 --> 01:10:11,083
That's more than I can say about me.
1357
01:10:13,458 --> 01:10:19,790
I don't feel like I have ever fully fit in
with any group of people anywhere.
1358
01:10:19,791 --> 01:10:21,832
That's what I admire about you.
1359
01:10:21,833 --> 01:10:23,249
You don't try to fit in.
1360
01:10:23,250 --> 01:10:24,832
I mean, you're hated
and you're fine with it.
1361
01:10:24,833 --> 01:10:27,041
- I'm not hated.
- Yeah, you are.
1362
01:10:27,666 --> 01:10:29,500
Look, it's a compliment.
1363
01:10:30,083 --> 01:10:32,540
It means you have a strong ego,
you're just you.
1364
01:10:32,541 --> 01:10:36,374
Me, I'm all fucking smiles and backslaps.
1365
01:10:36,375 --> 01:10:38,332
Fucking golf tan
with a social security card.
1366
01:10:38,333 --> 01:10:39,749
Yeah, Brad from Sales.
1367
01:10:39,750 --> 01:10:41,875
They'll put that on my gravestone.
1368
01:10:43,750 --> 01:10:47,291
For the record,
you are very good at what you do.
1369
01:10:48,708 --> 01:10:51,333
Also, I don't think
we're gonna get gravestones.
1370
01:10:55,583 --> 01:10:57,374
Holy shit!
1371
01:11:07,208 --> 01:11:09,040
He just ate both of the coke condoms.
1372
01:11:09,041 --> 01:11:11,957
Thank God there wasn't poop on them.
He'd be sick as a dog.
1373
01:11:11,958 --> 01:11:14,457
Oh, fuck me, did you not see Cocaine Bear?
1374
01:11:14,458 --> 01:11:17,082
I don't want to see a crocodile gacked
out of its gourd on Brazilian blow.
1375
01:11:17,083 --> 01:11:19,332
I think it's an alligator.
1376
01:11:19,333 --> 01:11:20,915
Does it really matter
when it's about to eat us?
1377
01:11:20,916 --> 01:11:22,374
Right, right.
1378
01:11:22,375 --> 01:11:24,082
Oh, shit, it's gonna charge us.
1379
01:11:35,708 --> 01:11:37,500
Did it... did it die?
1380
01:11:38,250 --> 01:11:40,541
I-I think I heard its heart explode.
1381
01:11:41,125 --> 01:11:42,874
Yes. Yes!
1382
01:11:42,875 --> 01:11:45,665
Yes, yes, its fucking heart exploded.
1383
01:11:45,666 --> 01:11:47,624
Oh, my God.
1384
01:11:48,833 --> 01:11:50,874
Hey, you ever have croco tacos?
1385
01:11:50,875 --> 01:11:53,082
Don't you mean gator taters?
1386
01:11:53,083 --> 01:11:55,332
I'm pretty sure it's an alligator.
1387
01:11:55,333 --> 01:11:57,332
Gator tacos.
1388
01:11:57,333 --> 01:11:59,916
Pretty good. Like muscly chicken.
1389
01:12:01,750 --> 01:12:04,082
Hey, do you think in the gator world,
1390
01:12:04,083 --> 01:12:05,790
he might've had a name?
1391
01:12:05,791 --> 01:12:08,874
In the gator world?
What the fuck is wrong with you?
1392
01:12:08,875 --> 01:12:10,999
What? Animals do communicate.
1393
01:12:11,000 --> 01:12:12,540
Maybe they give each other names.
1394
01:12:12,541 --> 01:12:14,790
Oh, I feel horrible now.
We just ate Lenny.
1395
01:12:16,750 --> 01:12:18,957
Shh. Hey. Hey, stop.
1396
01:12:18,958 --> 01:12:20,249
I think I heard something.
1397
01:12:20,250 --> 01:12:21,582
Oh, my God.
1398
01:12:21,583 --> 01:12:23,749
Maybe Lenny's friends
are calling out for vengeance.
1399
01:12:23,750 --> 01:12:25,374
Shut up.
1400
01:12:25,375 --> 01:12:27,249
You know, there are tribes out here
1401
01:12:27,250 --> 01:12:30,165
who have never even made contact
with actual human beings.
1402
01:12:30,166 --> 01:12:33,332
No, Pavio Curto chased them away
for shitting on the floor.
1403
01:12:33,333 --> 01:12:35,457
I doubt Curt caught all of them.
1404
01:12:35,458 --> 01:12:37,374
There's a good cha...
1405
01:12:37,375 --> 01:12:39,999
Okay, tell me you heard that.
1406
01:12:40,000 --> 01:12:41,249
That was you.
1407
01:12:41,250 --> 01:12:42,874
- No, it wasn't me.
- What?
1408
01:12:42,875 --> 01:12:45,832
Stay where you are!
What do you guys think you're doing?
1409
01:12:45,833 --> 01:12:46,833
Oh, my God.
1410
01:12:48,458 --> 01:12:50,415
- Are you Americans?
- Formerly.
1411
01:12:50,416 --> 01:12:52,749
We're nationless eco-fundamentalists now.
1412
01:12:52,750 --> 01:12:55,207
- Oh, that's cool. We can work with that.
- Yeah.
1413
01:12:55,208 --> 01:12:56,874
We're here to stop the poaching trade.
1414
01:12:56,875 --> 01:12:59,165
- You're not poachers, are you?
- Poachers? Oh, God, no.
1415
01:12:59,166 --> 01:13:00,290
I mean, dressed like this?
1416
01:13:00,291 --> 01:13:02,332
I-I won't even eat poached egg.
It's disgusting.
1417
01:13:02,333 --> 01:13:05,249
Although I will say that that is
the healthiest way to eat an egg.
1418
01:13:05,250 --> 01:13:08,207
You cook an egg poached, I mean,
you lower the cholesterol oxidation.
1419
01:13:08,208 --> 01:13:11,457
Facts. Erewhon makes their poachies
on a paleo yam tartine.
1420
01:13:11,458 --> 01:13:13,332
- It's delicious.
- I love Erewhon.
1421
01:13:13,333 --> 01:13:15,040
You ever have
their Eggs Benedict Cumberbatch?
1422
01:13:15,041 --> 01:13:16,499
- No.
- They look kind of fucked-up,
1423
01:13:16,500 --> 01:13:19,583
but then you take a bite and you're like,
"Give these motherfuckers an award."
1424
01:13:20,166 --> 01:13:22,165
So what are you guys doing out here?
1425
01:13:22,166 --> 01:13:23,832
That's a funny story.
1426
01:13:23,833 --> 01:13:25,874
Can I tell... No, no, no, go ahead.
Tell it, tell it, tell it.
1427
01:13:25,875 --> 01:13:28,124
We were being used as drug mules
by a dangerous cartel.
1428
01:13:28,125 --> 01:13:29,915
- We didn't know.
- And then we escaped into the jungle.
1429
01:13:29,916 --> 01:13:32,749
Okay, this freaking narco guy's wife
1430
01:13:32,750 --> 01:13:34,624
starts crawling all over him,
takes him upstairs.
1431
01:13:34,625 --> 01:13:35,915
- She wants to fuck him.
- Yeah.
1432
01:13:35,916 --> 01:13:38,374
But it ended up being a weird kink
where the narco guy wanted to watch me
1433
01:13:38,375 --> 01:13:41,165
fuck his wife, and then
he tried to torture and kill me
1434
01:13:41,166 --> 01:13:42,915
- with a broken bottle up my ass.
- It was...
1435
01:13:42,916 --> 01:13:44,165
It was a whole thing.
1436
01:13:44,166 --> 01:13:46,165
So, did you do it?
1437
01:13:46,166 --> 01:13:47,665
- Do...?
- Oh, well, I couldn't,
1438
01:13:47,666 --> 01:13:50,374
'cause I had just gotten done, uh,
swallowing a giant condom.
1439
01:13:50,375 --> 01:13:52,708
Same. Also, no one wanted to fuck me.
1440
01:13:54,250 --> 01:13:56,040
By the way, Brad from Sales.
1441
01:13:56,041 --> 01:13:57,665
Julie.
1442
01:13:57,666 --> 01:13:59,040
Patchouli Julie.
1443
01:13:59,041 --> 01:14:00,582
Okay, come on now.
1444
01:14:00,583 --> 01:14:02,166
Condoms.
1445
01:14:03,083 --> 01:14:05,374
Holy fuck. I know who these guys are.
1446
01:14:05,375 --> 01:14:07,540
Os Estúpidos.
1447
01:14:07,541 --> 01:14:11,832
Oh, um... are you guys soccer fans?
1448
01:14:11,833 --> 01:14:15,040
What you guys did was incredible.
1449
01:14:15,041 --> 01:14:17,457
Activism at its finest.
1450
01:14:17,458 --> 01:14:18,707
Disruption.
1451
01:14:18,708 --> 01:14:20,582
- Okay.
- That's what we're all about, too.
1452
01:14:20,583 --> 01:14:22,374
- You guys are heroes.
- Yes.
1453
01:14:22,375 --> 01:14:24,708
Nelson Mandela, Che Guevara.
1454
01:14:25,333 --> 01:14:26,624
- Hero ball.
- Hero ball.
1455
01:14:26,625 --> 01:14:27,957
I told you.
1456
01:14:27,958 --> 01:14:30,415
Their stupid little soccer game.
1457
01:14:30,416 --> 01:14:32,499
They think it's so important.
1458
01:14:32,500 --> 01:14:33,749
Life or death.
1459
01:14:33,750 --> 01:14:35,999
It's like, no, that's bullshit, man.
1460
01:14:36,000 --> 01:14:38,540
Yeah, I mean, we've been saying that
the whole time. Down with big soccer.
1461
01:14:38,541 --> 01:14:40,874
The real life or death
is happening right here
1462
01:14:40,875 --> 01:14:42,457
- in this rainforest.
- Mm-hmm.
1463
01:14:42,458 --> 01:14:45,124
The capitalists are doing
everything they can to destroy this place
1464
01:14:45,125 --> 01:14:48,749
with no consideration for its
indigenous people or beautiful wildlife.
1465
01:14:48,750 --> 01:14:51,874
Speaking of, this is... ♪ Yarimoey ♪
1466
01:14:51,875 --> 01:14:54,207
He's a local shaman
who's blessed our mission here.
1467
01:14:54,208 --> 01:14:56,332
A pleasure to meet you, Yarimoey.
1468
01:14:56,333 --> 01:14:57,624
No!
1469
01:14:57,625 --> 01:14:59,832
- It's... ♪ Yarimoey ♪
- Oh.
1470
01:14:59,833 --> 01:15:01,332
You have to really kind of sing it.
1471
01:15:01,333 --> 01:15:05,083
Uh, pleasure to meet you... ♪ Yarimoey ♪
1472
01:15:05,583 --> 01:15:08,125
Yeah.
1473
01:15:08,958 --> 01:15:12,790
So, uh, you know, um, I'm a bit of
an environmentalist myself.
1474
01:15:12,791 --> 01:15:14,207
Yeah?
1475
01:15:14,208 --> 01:15:16,207
I always recycle my Nespresso pods.
1476
01:15:16,208 --> 01:15:18,415
Make sure they don't end up in a landfill.
1477
01:15:18,416 --> 01:15:19,958
How do you recycle them?
1478
01:15:20,541 --> 01:15:22,374
I usually,
I just throw them in the blue bin,
1479
01:15:22,375 --> 01:15:24,790
and then, you know, the good folks
down at recycling finish the job,
1480
01:15:24,791 --> 01:15:26,332
completing the circle of life.
1481
01:15:26,333 --> 01:15:29,332
Look, I know it's not quite
the same level as what you guys are doing,
1482
01:15:29,333 --> 01:15:31,415
or maybe it is in some way.
1483
01:15:31,416 --> 01:15:33,290
- So, what do you do?
- Oh, not much.
1484
01:15:33,291 --> 01:15:35,499
I mean, I'm just a guy who invented
the condom that covers the testicles.
1485
01:15:35,500 --> 01:15:37,124
It's probably gonna change the world.
1486
01:15:37,125 --> 01:15:40,082
Well, we know this guy
won't be a customer.
1487
01:15:41,875 --> 01:15:44,290
- Why would you...? Why...?
- He's got those innie balls.
1488
01:15:44,291 --> 01:15:46,790
They, like, disappear
up into their ball cave.
1489
01:15:46,791 --> 01:15:48,124
Yeah.
1490
01:15:48,125 --> 01:15:51,207
Uh, undescended testicles, it's called,
but they-they still work.
1491
01:15:51,208 --> 01:15:52,790
- You just can't see them.
- Aw.
1492
01:15:52,791 --> 01:15:55,499
Sometimes he's got to dig them out
like little earthquake victims.
1493
01:15:55,500 --> 01:15:57,457
Okay, well, this guy's got a huge cock.
1494
01:15:57,458 --> 01:15:59,249
It's just ridiculous.
1495
01:15:59,250 --> 01:16:01,665
I'm fine with that info getting out.
1496
01:16:01,666 --> 01:16:04,832
Well, let's hang tonight, guys.
1497
01:16:04,833 --> 01:16:07,499
We'll party, dance, fuck, sing.
1498
01:16:07,500 --> 01:16:08,749
- Okay.
- Yeah?
1499
01:16:08,750 --> 01:16:09,874
- Fuck?
- Yeah.
1500
01:16:09,875 --> 01:16:12,790
No, nah, that-that sounds very, uh, fun,
1501
01:16:12,791 --> 01:16:16,415
sounds great, but we-we...
I think we need to get going.
1502
01:16:16,416 --> 01:16:19,040
First thing tomorrow, we'll take you guys
downriver on our raft.
1503
01:16:19,041 --> 01:16:21,290
It's loaded with juices
and a bunch of food.
1504
01:16:21,291 --> 01:16:22,624
That sounds so great. Thank you.
1505
01:16:22,625 --> 01:16:24,207
- And when we get to the ocean...
- Come on.
1506
01:16:24,208 --> 01:16:26,332
There are plenty of ships
that will smuggle you guys home.
1507
01:16:26,333 --> 01:16:28,165
And we'll get you on a good smuggle-ship,
1508
01:16:28,166 --> 01:16:30,457
not the ones that are
all human-traffick-y.
1509
01:16:30,458 --> 01:16:32,957
Be careful.
1510
01:16:32,958 --> 01:16:35,665
Never pee in the water.
1511
01:16:35,666 --> 01:16:39,415
That's where the tiny,
terrible vampire fish lives.
1512
01:16:39,416 --> 01:16:41,665
It swims up the urine stream,
1513
01:16:41,666 --> 01:16:43,415
gets into your bladder,
1514
01:16:43,416 --> 01:16:45,207
and eats you from the inside.
1515
01:16:45,208 --> 01:16:48,082
Yeah, I didn't,
I didn't get any of that. I'm sorry.
1516
01:16:48,083 --> 01:16:49,290
What's he saying?
1517
01:16:49,291 --> 01:16:51,457
Not sure.
1518
01:16:51,458 --> 01:16:54,374
We have yet to master Yarimoey's tongue.
1519
01:16:54,375 --> 01:16:55,457
♪ Yarimoey ♪
1520
01:16:55,458 --> 01:16:57,665
This is so cool. I mean, this is awesome.
1521
01:16:57,666 --> 01:17:00,207
He's probably the last person on Earth
to speak this language.
1522
01:17:00,208 --> 01:17:02,582
This tiny fish
1523
01:17:02,583 --> 01:17:05,250
has killed many large men.
1524
01:17:06,458 --> 01:17:08,540
- It's gibberish.
- Yeah.
1525
01:17:18,541 --> 01:17:21,499
Who the hell would've thought
we'd stumble into a Phish concert?
1526
01:17:21,500 --> 01:17:23,249
I mean, these guys are cool as shit.
1527
01:17:23,250 --> 01:17:25,540
- Want some wasca?
- Um...
1528
01:17:25,541 --> 01:17:27,249
- Oh, that sounds interesting.
- No.
1529
01:17:27,250 --> 01:17:29,249
- Uh, no, no. No ayahuasca.
- I get it.
1530
01:17:29,250 --> 01:17:30,916
We're a little wasca'd out
around here, too.
1531
01:17:31,833 --> 01:17:33,207
Hey.
1532
01:17:33,208 --> 01:17:34,540
You partake?
1533
01:17:34,541 --> 01:17:36,290
Uh... no, thanks.
1534
01:17:36,291 --> 01:17:38,207
He's a, he's a germaphobe.
1535
01:17:38,208 --> 01:17:40,040
Freshie.
1536
01:17:40,041 --> 01:17:41,582
Huh?
1537
01:17:41,583 --> 01:17:43,082
Give him a freshie.
1538
01:17:44,375 --> 01:17:45,832
That's Ed. He's our frog guy.
1539
01:17:45,833 --> 01:17:47,874
Hey, Ed. That's what you do,
you're the frog guy?
1540
01:17:47,875 --> 01:17:49,165
Yeah, how did you get into
1541
01:17:49,166 --> 01:17:50,832
- that line of work?
- That's cool.
1542
01:17:50,833 --> 01:17:53,249
Just, uh, catching...
1543
01:17:53,250 --> 01:17:54,915
You start...
1544
01:17:54,916 --> 01:17:57,415
You start catching frogs.
1545
01:17:57,416 --> 01:17:59,124
- That's cool.
- Yeah.
1546
01:17:59,125 --> 01:18:01,290
I guess I was thinking
more of the science behind it.
1547
01:18:01,291 --> 01:18:03,790
You know, the dosage and, uh,
1548
01:18:03,791 --> 01:18:06,582
chemical interactions, toxicity levels.
1549
01:18:06,583 --> 01:18:08,332
Hey, I got to go make a call.
1550
01:18:08,333 --> 01:18:10,333
- What?
- I'll be back.
1551
01:18:11,416 --> 01:18:12,499
Oh.
1552
01:18:15,000 --> 01:18:16,540
Brad.
1553
01:18:16,541 --> 01:18:18,415
Hey, Brad.
1554
01:18:18,416 --> 01:18:19,790
What?
1555
01:18:19,791 --> 01:18:22,165
- Where are you going?
- What do you mean, where am I going?
1556
01:18:22,166 --> 01:18:24,415
I'm about to give a little product demo
to Patchouli Julie.
1557
01:18:24,416 --> 01:18:26,916
Why don't you go try to get
with Trustafarian Tina over there?
1558
01:18:29,291 --> 01:18:32,624
You mean the one whose armpits look like
the floor of an Armenian barbershop?
1559
01:18:32,625 --> 01:18:34,957
- Yeah, her.
- Yeah, no, thanks.
1560
01:18:34,958 --> 01:18:36,374
Armpit hair is natural.
1561
01:18:36,375 --> 01:18:38,750
Nature's the most natural thing out here.
Come on.
1562
01:18:39,500 --> 01:18:40,499
Just give me three minutes.
1563
01:18:40,500 --> 01:18:43,499
You have some kind of fuckup amnesia
or something, huh?
1564
01:18:43,500 --> 01:18:45,207
Do you remember what happened
the last time you did this?
1565
01:18:45,208 --> 01:18:47,124
You almost had a broken bottle
shoved up your ass.
1566
01:18:47,125 --> 01:18:49,124
Yeah, that's 'cause you pitched
your condom to a drug lord.
1567
01:18:49,125 --> 01:18:50,874
Okay, Curt liked the product.
1568
01:18:50,875 --> 01:18:52,040
Hey.
1569
01:18:52,041 --> 01:18:53,374
Oh, are you coming, too?
1570
01:18:53,375 --> 01:18:54,915
Yeah.
1571
01:18:54,916 --> 01:18:56,832
So there's a perfect lovemaking spot.
1572
01:18:56,833 --> 01:18:58,625
It's right up here.
1573
01:18:59,166 --> 01:19:01,624
Have you seen the bottoms of her feet?
1574
01:19:01,625 --> 01:19:03,499
They look like burnt baked potatoes.
1575
01:19:03,500 --> 01:19:05,165
I'm not fucking her feet.
1576
01:19:05,166 --> 01:19:07,165
Well, I mean, I might, but let's-let's
just see where the night goes.
1577
01:19:07,166 --> 01:19:08,582
Come on. Live a little.
1578
01:19:08,583 --> 01:19:10,374
Guys.
1579
01:19:10,375 --> 01:19:12,666
- Brad... Okay.
- Come on, check this out.
1580
01:19:17,791 --> 01:19:19,457
This the lovemaking spot?
1581
01:19:19,458 --> 01:19:20,665
- Yeah.
- Oh.
1582
01:19:20,666 --> 01:19:22,707
Also where we keep the poachers we catch.
1583
01:19:22,708 --> 01:19:23,832
What the fuck?!
1584
01:19:25,916 --> 01:19:28,540
We hang them there
as a warning to others.
1585
01:19:28,541 --> 01:19:29,958
Right on.
1586
01:19:31,708 --> 01:19:35,124
What, um, did they do to...
the poaching with?
1587
01:19:35,125 --> 01:19:37,457
How'd they... Why are they dead?
1588
01:19:37,458 --> 01:19:40,083
Black caimans, mostly.
1589
01:19:40,791 --> 01:19:42,082
Black caimans?
1590
01:19:42,083 --> 01:19:44,000
Yeah, they're kind of like alligators.
1591
01:19:44,875 --> 01:19:46,332
- Told you.
- You said alligator,
1592
01:19:46,333 --> 01:19:47,874
- not alligator-adjacent.
- Okay.
1593
01:19:47,875 --> 01:19:51,040
They're beautiful, majestic reptiles.
1594
01:19:51,041 --> 01:19:52,499
Highly endangered.
1595
01:19:52,500 --> 01:19:54,790
And these poachers are killing them
for their claws.
1596
01:19:54,791 --> 01:19:56,957
Wait, so you-you...
you guys kill the poachers?
1597
01:19:56,958 --> 01:19:58,165
Yeah, we had to.
1598
01:19:58,166 --> 01:20:00,290
We tried the peaceful path,
but it never worked,
1599
01:20:00,291 --> 01:20:02,874
so now it's an eye for an eye.
1600
01:20:02,875 --> 01:20:05,999
You kill one of the animals
we came here to protect, we kill you.
1601
01:20:06,000 --> 01:20:08,290
That simple. Nobody gets to negotiate.
1602
01:20:08,291 --> 01:20:10,249
Eh, nobody?
1603
01:20:10,250 --> 01:20:11,665
What if you're the Pope or...?
1604
01:20:11,666 --> 01:20:14,207
Nobody!
You could be Greta fucking Thunberg,
1605
01:20:14,208 --> 01:20:17,625
but if you kill one of these animals,
you are dead! Dead!
1606
01:20:20,666 --> 01:20:22,458
Now let's get our fuck on.
1607
01:20:23,041 --> 01:20:24,332
Um...
1608
01:20:24,333 --> 01:20:25,665
with them watching?
1609
01:20:25,666 --> 01:20:29,499
Oh, I know, but in some ways,
it's kind of like we're honoring them,
1610
01:20:29,500 --> 01:20:30,832
and them us.
1611
01:20:30,833 --> 01:20:33,124
By letting them dead-watch us fuck?
1612
01:20:33,125 --> 01:20:36,040
Yeah, I call them
the Dead Poachers Society.
1613
01:20:36,041 --> 01:20:38,582
Sorry, speaking of watching,
1614
01:20:38,583 --> 01:20:40,624
is that a camera? The little...?
1615
01:20:40,625 --> 01:20:41,832
Oh, yeah.
1616
01:20:41,833 --> 01:20:44,290
Yeah, we have cameras all over the jungle.
1617
01:20:44,291 --> 01:20:46,415
Oh, but nobody's watching us right now.
1618
01:20:46,416 --> 01:20:48,540
They're reviewing today's footage
for poachers
1619
01:20:48,541 --> 01:20:52,165
because we lost a signal
on one of our favorite caimans, Morey.
1620
01:20:52,166 --> 01:20:54,500
So he had a name.
1621
01:20:55,833 --> 01:20:57,832
Uh, would you excuse us for a second?
1622
01:20:57,833 --> 01:20:58,915
Where are you going?
1623
01:20:58,916 --> 01:21:00,957
I'm just gonna go put on a condom.
1624
01:21:00,958 --> 01:21:02,499
I can put it on for you.
1625
01:21:02,500 --> 01:21:05,124
Oh, well, the...
the thing is, this is really hard
1626
01:21:05,125 --> 01:21:06,749
'cause you got to put the nuts in
and everything.
1627
01:21:06,750 --> 01:21:08,332
- He'll give me a hand.
- No, no, it's not hard.
1628
01:21:08,333 --> 01:21:09,832
They slip right in.
1629
01:21:09,833 --> 01:21:11,582
I'm shy.
1630
01:21:11,583 --> 01:21:14,124
Then just say that.
Don't besmirch the product.
1631
01:21:14,125 --> 01:21:15,457
We'll be right back.
1632
01:21:15,458 --> 01:21:16,916
- All right.
- All right.
1633
01:21:19,541 --> 01:21:21,124
You have any run left in those legs?
1634
01:21:21,125 --> 01:21:23,040
I'd fucking better. Come on, come on.
1635
01:21:25,291 --> 01:21:27,124
- God!
- Oh, no, no, no.
1636
01:21:27,125 --> 01:21:29,165
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
1637
01:21:29,166 --> 01:21:30,749
Oh, my God.
1638
01:21:30,750 --> 01:21:32,874
This claw is delicious.
You got to try this.
1639
01:21:32,875 --> 01:21:34,707
Come on.
1640
01:21:34,708 --> 01:21:36,207
Damn it, Janet!
1641
01:21:36,208 --> 01:21:37,707
- No, that's...
- The claw's the best part.
1642
01:21:37,708 --> 01:21:39,249
The claw's the best part.
Let me high-five that.
1643
01:21:39,250 --> 01:21:42,665
Fuck!
Julie's gonna make us go kill them now.
1644
01:21:42,666 --> 01:21:44,124
Yoip.
1645
01:21:44,125 --> 01:21:45,832
- "Yoip"?!
- Well...
1646
01:21:45,833 --> 01:21:48,499
"Yoip"? That's all you got
to fucking say is "yoip"?
1647
01:21:48,500 --> 01:21:50,749
I'm losing my mind out here, man.
1648
01:21:50,750 --> 01:21:54,832
Dude, I came here to protect the jungle,
do ayahuasca and fuck Julie,
1649
01:21:54,833 --> 01:21:57,415
- not murder poachers!
- Yeah, me, too, man.
1650
01:21:57,416 --> 01:21:59,790
- She doesn't even bone us.
- This sucks, man.
1651
01:21:59,791 --> 01:22:01,790
She's literally boning everyone but us.
1652
01:22:01,791 --> 01:22:03,374
Okay, not everyone.
1653
01:22:03,375 --> 01:22:05,333
Everyone.
1654
01:22:05,916 --> 01:22:07,457
♪ Yarimoey? ♪
1655
01:22:07,458 --> 01:22:09,665
Yep, Yarimoey.
1656
01:22:09,666 --> 01:22:11,582
He is like a hundred years old!
1657
01:22:11,583 --> 01:22:13,582
What the fuck is she thinking?
1658
01:22:13,583 --> 01:22:16,874
Dude, I know,
and she told me he has a split penis.
1659
01:22:16,875 --> 01:22:18,540
What does that mean?
1660
01:22:18,541 --> 01:22:20,749
Like he split it himself or it's that old?
1661
01:22:20,750 --> 01:22:22,540
God, what happened to her, man?
1662
01:22:22,541 --> 01:22:24,624
She was super dope back in Calabasas.
1663
01:22:24,625 --> 01:22:27,415
Now she's fucking split-cocks
and killing poachers?
1664
01:22:27,416 --> 01:22:30,332
Hey, have you guys seen those two dudes?
We were just about to smash,
1665
01:22:30,333 --> 01:22:31,832
and then they...
1666
01:22:31,833 --> 01:22:33,749
I would never steer you wrong
when it comes to food.
1667
01:22:33,750 --> 01:22:35,499
- Mm-hmm.
- What the fuck?
1668
01:22:35,500 --> 01:22:36,832
- Yoop.
- You know what also?
1669
01:22:36,833 --> 01:22:38,415
- What?
- It's a great back scratcher.
1670
01:22:38,416 --> 01:22:39,790
Let me try, let me try.
1671
01:22:39,791 --> 01:22:41,249
Look at that. Oh.
1672
01:22:41,250 --> 01:22:42,999
I can comb your hair.
1673
01:22:43,000 --> 01:22:44,249
Let me, let me, let me do it.
1674
01:22:44,250 --> 01:22:46,624
- Were you going to tell me about this?
- Yeah, of course.
1675
01:22:46,625 --> 01:22:48,124
- Yeah.
- We were just about to go
1676
01:22:48,125 --> 01:22:50,415
- kill those fuckers.
- They are fucking dead.
1677
01:22:50,416 --> 01:22:52,165
They are fucking dead men, Julie!
1678
01:22:52,166 --> 01:22:54,249
- You said it right! You said it right!
- Right.
1679
01:23:00,291 --> 01:23:02,249
A raft. There's a raft.
1680
01:23:02,250 --> 01:23:03,625
Come on.
1681
01:23:11,416 --> 01:23:12,624
Push.
1682
01:23:12,625 --> 01:23:14,250
Go, go, go, go!
1683
01:23:21,833 --> 01:23:23,291
Kill them!
1684
01:23:29,541 --> 01:23:31,416
Shit.
1685
01:23:32,541 --> 01:23:33,791
What the fuck?
1686
01:23:36,750 --> 01:23:38,040
We got to start paddling
1687
01:23:38,041 --> 01:23:40,666
or we're gonna be strung up,
dead-watching her fuck!
1688
01:23:44,666 --> 01:23:47,833
We're gonna string you up, you bastards!
1689
01:23:49,833 --> 01:23:51,749
Keep firing!
1690
01:23:51,750 --> 01:23:53,957
Oh!
1691
01:23:55,125 --> 01:23:57,165
- Ow.
- You ball-less fucking idiots.
1692
01:23:57,166 --> 01:23:58,499
You let them escape.
1693
01:23:58,500 --> 01:24:00,165
You wonder why I won't fuck you?
1694
01:24:00,166 --> 01:24:02,249
- We weren't wondering that.
- The fuck you weren't.
1695
01:24:02,250 --> 01:24:04,790
We heard you in the hut.
Everybody heard you.
1696
01:24:04,791 --> 01:24:06,207
Okay, we were wondering that.
1697
01:24:06,208 --> 01:24:08,124
Fuck's sake. Come on, Yarimoey.
1698
01:24:08,125 --> 01:24:09,457
♪ Yarimoey ♪
1699
01:24:09,458 --> 01:24:11,207
Shut the fuck up.
1700
01:24:11,208 --> 01:24:13,415
I got to fuck this rage out of my body.
1701
01:24:13,416 --> 01:24:15,082
Ooh.
1702
01:24:26,250 --> 01:24:28,374
Yeah, still no bars.
1703
01:24:32,208 --> 01:24:34,624
I'm gonna be different.
1704
01:24:34,625 --> 01:24:36,749
- If we ever make it out of here alive.
- Stop it.
1705
01:24:36,750 --> 01:24:38,374
I'm serious.
1706
01:24:38,375 --> 01:24:39,915
I'm not messing around.
1707
01:24:39,916 --> 01:24:42,791
You watch, I'm gonna add
a little steak to my sizzle.
1708
01:24:46,583 --> 01:24:49,833
Maybe I'll add
a little sizzle to my steak.
1709
01:24:52,250 --> 01:24:54,125
Hey, Brad?
1710
01:24:55,625 --> 01:24:57,624
We're going to die out here, aren't we?
1711
01:24:57,625 --> 01:25:00,040
Oh, a hundred percent.
1712
01:25:00,041 --> 01:25:02,124
It's a fucking fact.
1713
01:25:07,875 --> 01:25:10,791
Oh.
1714
01:25:19,750 --> 01:25:22,583
These condoms actually make
pretty good pillows, huh?
1715
01:25:24,250 --> 01:25:26,499
Courtesy buffet.
1716
01:25:26,500 --> 01:25:28,999
You want some more coconut water?
1717
01:25:29,000 --> 01:25:31,374
Nah, I'm good. Actually, I got to pee.
1718
01:25:40,375 --> 01:25:42,040
Ooh.
1719
01:25:45,916 --> 01:25:47,582
What's wrong?
1720
01:25:47,583 --> 01:25:49,582
Stage fright.
1721
01:25:49,583 --> 01:25:51,749
Can you just, uh, turn the other way?
1722
01:25:51,750 --> 01:25:54,082
You have your back to me.
How do you know I'm looking?
1723
01:25:54,083 --> 01:25:55,958
I can feel you staring.
1724
01:25:58,166 --> 01:26:00,083
Actually, you know what?
1725
01:26:01,166 --> 01:26:05,040
We should probably save our pee.
1726
01:26:05,041 --> 01:26:06,540
In case we run out of water,
1727
01:26:06,541 --> 01:26:08,290
we don't want to die of thirst.
1728
01:26:08,291 --> 01:26:10,332
What are you talking about?
You can't drink your piss.
1729
01:26:10,333 --> 01:26:14,040
I don't want your piss sloshing
around the raft, so just dump it out.
1730
01:26:14,041 --> 01:26:16,457
You know, urine is completely sterile.
1731
01:26:16,458 --> 01:26:18,832
I don't care. Dump it out. It's nasty.
1732
01:26:20,416 --> 01:26:21,791
Okay.
1733
01:26:24,875 --> 01:26:26,165
Oh, dude.
1734
01:26:26,166 --> 01:26:28,040
Look at these minnows.
They're drinking my pee.
1735
01:26:28,041 --> 01:26:29,499
What?
1736
01:26:31,125 --> 01:26:32,375
Look at this.
1737
01:26:33,875 --> 01:26:35,499
Holy shit.
1738
01:26:35,500 --> 01:26:37,082
Little piss fish.
1739
01:26:37,083 --> 01:26:38,499
Dumb bastards.
1740
01:26:38,500 --> 01:26:40,249
Oh, it's like they're smiling.
1741
01:26:40,250 --> 01:26:41,624
Oh, wait a minute.
1742
01:26:41,625 --> 01:26:44,624
I read about these things
in National Geographic.
1743
01:26:44,625 --> 01:26:46,707
Holy shit,
1744
01:26:46,708 --> 01:26:48,707
did I just dodge a bullet.
1745
01:26:48,708 --> 01:26:50,625
Hmm?
1746
01:26:53,583 --> 01:26:55,874
Pull it out. Pull it out.
1747
01:26:55,875 --> 01:26:57,915
You pull it out. It's your penis.
1748
01:26:57,916 --> 01:26:59,040
Oh, God, I can't.
1749
01:26:59,041 --> 01:27:01,040
I got to squeeze with both hands,
or it's going upstream.
1750
01:27:01,041 --> 01:27:02,874
This thing is really determined.
1751
01:27:02,875 --> 01:27:05,124
Please, please, get it.
1752
01:27:05,125 --> 01:27:06,749
Oh, God.
1753
01:27:06,750 --> 01:27:08,040
Please, please, please, please.
1754
01:27:08,041 --> 01:27:09,790
You got to get it. Get it. Get it.
1755
01:27:09,791 --> 01:27:12,165
Yeah, okay, okay, okay.
Don't move, don't move.
1756
01:27:14,791 --> 01:27:17,124
It's too slippery. I can't get a grip.
1757
01:27:17,125 --> 01:27:20,165
Maybe if you get hard,
you could, like, strangle it.
1758
01:27:20,166 --> 01:27:22,957
What? How am I supposed to get hard?
I got a fish in my dick!
1759
01:27:22,958 --> 01:27:24,624
Uh, use your imagination.
1760
01:27:24,625 --> 01:27:26,207
Wh-What's your biggest fantasy?
1761
01:27:26,208 --> 01:27:28,374
Right now it's not having
a fish in my dick!
1762
01:27:28,375 --> 01:27:31,957
Okay, yelling has never inspired anybody
1763
01:27:31,958 --> 01:27:34,290
to get a fish out of their friend's dick.
1764
01:27:34,291 --> 01:27:36,207
- Use your teeth.
- Use my...?
1765
01:27:36,208 --> 01:27:37,499
Use your teeth.
1766
01:27:37,500 --> 01:27:38,832
- Oh, go on.
- No.
1767
01:27:38,833 --> 01:27:40,290
Get the fucking thing now!
1768
01:27:40,291 --> 01:27:41,499
You use your teeth!
1769
01:27:41,500 --> 01:27:43,749
How? How? How? Tell me.
1770
01:27:43,750 --> 01:27:46,374
Uh, stretch your dick out
and lean forward.
1771
01:27:46,375 --> 01:27:48,540
Don't you think if I could reach
my mouth to my dick,
1772
01:27:48,541 --> 01:27:50,000
I would know that by now?
1773
01:27:50,666 --> 01:27:52,165
Please, Lij, I'm begging you.
1774
01:27:52,166 --> 01:27:54,999
You're my only hope.
I need you to be a man right now!
1775
01:27:55,000 --> 01:27:58,540
Elijah, please, please,
I'm begging you. I'm begging you.
1776
01:27:58,541 --> 01:28:00,415
Oh, God.
1777
01:28:02,458 --> 01:28:05,582
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1778
01:28:05,583 --> 01:28:07,249
- Oh, yeah. Oh...
- Stop saying "yeah."
1779
01:28:07,250 --> 01:28:08,332
Sorry.
1780
01:28:08,333 --> 01:28:09,957
Oh.
1781
01:28:09,958 --> 01:28:11,375
Oh, God.
1782
01:28:12,541 --> 01:28:13,915
Oh, oh.
1783
01:28:18,416 --> 01:28:20,249
Don't touch me.
1784
01:28:20,250 --> 01:28:23,040
- We never speak...
- Speak of this again.
1785
01:28:23,041 --> 01:28:24,999
Right back at you, sailor boy.
1786
01:28:25,000 --> 01:28:27,083
Oh, God.
1787
01:28:28,500 --> 01:28:32,375
I just... I just need to be alone
for a minute.
1788
01:28:45,750 --> 01:28:47,666
We have located the targets.
1789
01:29:05,416 --> 01:29:08,249
Boat! Boat!
1790
01:29:08,250 --> 01:29:10,124
Brad! Brad!
1791
01:29:10,125 --> 01:29:12,374
Boat, boat. Get up. Boat.
1792
01:29:12,375 --> 01:29:13,832
Hey!
1793
01:29:13,833 --> 01:29:15,290
- Oh, shit.
- Hey!
1794
01:29:15,291 --> 01:29:16,749
- Hey! Hey!
- Hey!
1795
01:29:16,750 --> 01:29:18,832
- Hey, we're saved. Hey!
- Hey!
1796
01:29:18,833 --> 01:29:20,874
- Hey. Hey.
- Whoo!
1797
01:29:20,875 --> 01:29:22,665
- Over here!
- We're alive!
1798
01:29:22,666 --> 01:29:24,874
Hey!
1799
01:29:27,583 --> 01:29:29,749
Jesus Christ. It's Jessel Cristo.
1800
01:29:29,750 --> 01:29:31,790
Fuck!
1801
01:29:31,791 --> 01:29:34,415
Start paddling. Start paddling!
1802
01:29:34,416 --> 01:29:36,165
Out of the way.
1803
01:29:36,166 --> 01:29:37,874
Paddle.
1804
01:29:41,583 --> 01:29:43,207
- Oh, my God.
- Come on!
1805
01:29:43,208 --> 01:29:44,583
What the...?
1806
01:29:56,541 --> 01:29:58,290
Estúpidos, indeed.
1807
01:29:58,291 --> 01:29:59,707
Get in the boat.
1808
01:29:59,708 --> 01:30:03,082
What, to give us one of those
free-to-go bullshit speeches?
1809
01:30:03,083 --> 01:30:05,415
You know, I'm not one
to use the Lord's name in vain,
1810
01:30:05,416 --> 01:30:07,540
but fuck you, Jessel Cristo.
1811
01:30:07,541 --> 01:30:09,332
Do you have any idea where you are?
1812
01:30:09,333 --> 01:30:13,665
Oh,
my greatest fear is injustice
1813
01:30:13,666 --> 01:30:16,749
visited upon undeserving peoples.
1814
01:30:16,750 --> 01:30:19,290
Particularly on my watch.
1815
01:30:19,291 --> 01:30:23,333
No unjust thing will happens to you.
1816
01:30:25,041 --> 01:30:28,208
That...
Was the accent a-a little racist?
1817
01:30:29,291 --> 01:30:31,415
- Right on the line.
- Sorry.
1818
01:30:31,416 --> 01:30:33,082
I'm exploring the sizzle.
1819
01:30:33,083 --> 01:30:35,999
Okay, here's what's going to happen.
1820
01:30:36,000 --> 01:30:38,040
You are coming back with me,
1821
01:30:38,041 --> 01:30:39,749
you are going to be found guilty
1822
01:30:39,750 --> 01:30:43,040
of shattering the dreams
of half a billion people,
1823
01:30:43,041 --> 01:30:46,540
you are going to go to prison
and do hard labor for a year,
1824
01:30:46,541 --> 01:30:49,332
and then, if you live through this,
1825
01:30:49,333 --> 01:30:51,290
you will be free to go home.
1826
01:30:51,291 --> 01:30:53,249
No. Nope.
1827
01:30:53,250 --> 01:30:55,832
No, here's what's gonna happen,
El General.
1828
01:30:55,833 --> 01:31:00,832
You are going to paddle your puny green
bathtub back to wherever you came from
1829
01:31:00,833 --> 01:31:04,165
and deliver a message from Os Estúpidos.
1830
01:31:04,166 --> 01:31:06,165
You tell the people of Brazil
1831
01:31:06,166 --> 01:31:10,207
and the rest of the soccer-humping
community in the world,
1832
01:31:10,208 --> 01:31:14,374
you tell them that
we are very, very sorry,
1833
01:31:14,375 --> 01:31:18,458
but it is only a game.
1834
01:31:20,375 --> 01:31:22,375
And we're done paying for it.
1835
01:31:28,041 --> 01:31:29,290
Fine.
1836
01:31:29,291 --> 01:31:31,999
I'll pass along your heartfelt apology.
1837
01:31:32,000 --> 01:31:36,082
I'll also tell them what happened
after you apologized.
1838
01:31:36,083 --> 01:31:39,415
That you and your esteemed colleague
escaped to the ocean
1839
01:31:39,416 --> 01:31:44,041
on your intrepid wooden raft
down the Iguazú River.
1840
01:31:44,625 --> 01:31:46,499
I like it. We'd be like folk heroes.
1841
01:31:46,500 --> 01:31:48,707
It's a win-win. Deal.
1842
01:31:48,708 --> 01:31:50,000
Thank you.
1843
01:31:50,875 --> 01:31:52,165
Let's go, Paulo!
1844
01:32:05,416 --> 01:32:07,749
Did you see
the look on his face?
1845
01:32:07,750 --> 01:32:09,665
That took testículos, my friend.
1846
01:32:09,666 --> 01:32:12,999
I'm not used to testículos.
I want to do that more often.
1847
01:32:13,000 --> 01:32:15,374
Oh. Whoo!
1848
01:32:15,375 --> 01:32:16,499
Hey, wait a minute.
1849
01:32:16,500 --> 01:32:18,999
What did he...
what did he just call the river?
1850
01:32:19,000 --> 01:32:22,791
I think he called it the Ig-Iguazú
or something.
1851
01:32:23,416 --> 01:32:25,124
You remember Contrails magazine?
1852
01:32:25,125 --> 01:32:27,874
- It had a little profile on...
- The Iguazú River?
1853
01:32:27,875 --> 01:32:30,957
No, it wasn't the Iguazú River.
1854
01:32:30,958 --> 01:32:33,124
It was the Iguazú Falls.
1855
01:32:33,125 --> 01:32:34,790
The largest waterfall.
1856
01:32:37,000 --> 01:32:39,040
In Brazil?
1857
01:32:39,041 --> 01:32:40,874
No, in the world.
1858
01:32:47,083 --> 01:32:49,040
- We got to get to shore!
- Well, fuck.
1859
01:32:49,041 --> 01:32:50,333
Come on.
1860
01:32:51,333 --> 01:32:52,625
Come on.
1861
01:32:53,416 --> 01:32:55,583
The fucking oar
is not doing anything.
1862
01:32:56,583 --> 01:32:57,790
- Ah.
- Come on.
1863
01:32:57,791 --> 01:32:59,500
Oh, my God!
1864
01:33:00,250 --> 01:33:01,665
Oh, shit.
1865
01:33:01,666 --> 01:33:04,041
It's supposed to turn.
Why isn't it turning?
1866
01:33:05,458 --> 01:33:07,082
This thing barely fucking moves.
1867
01:33:07,083 --> 01:33:08,665
Quick, condoms.
1868
01:33:08,666 --> 01:33:09,957
What?
1869
01:33:09,958 --> 01:33:11,415
Flotation devices.
1870
01:33:16,500 --> 01:33:17,625
Oh.
1871
01:33:18,291 --> 01:33:19,708
You ready?
1872
01:33:38,333 --> 01:33:39,875
Brad!
1873
01:33:41,708 --> 01:33:43,249
Brad!
1874
01:33:46,333 --> 01:33:48,250
Brad!
1875
01:33:50,291 --> 01:33:52,499
Brad, Brad.
1876
01:33:52,500 --> 01:33:54,957
Brad.
1877
01:33:54,958 --> 01:33:56,832
Brad, it's okay, buddy.
1878
01:34:21,541 --> 01:34:22,666
Oh, buddy.
1879
01:34:25,333 --> 01:34:27,457
Come on, Brad. Yeah, yeah, spit it out.
1880
01:34:27,458 --> 01:34:28,707
Come on, buddy.
1881
01:34:28,708 --> 01:34:30,208
Breathe, breathe.
1882
01:34:33,541 --> 01:34:35,833
Oh. Breathe, Brad, breathe!
1883
01:34:36,791 --> 01:34:38,082
Uh...
1884
01:34:41,000 --> 01:34:42,374
Oh, Brad.
1885
01:34:42,375 --> 01:34:44,040
Brad, yeah, yeah.
1886
01:34:44,041 --> 01:34:45,707
Get it out, buddy. Get it out, get it out.
1887
01:34:45,708 --> 01:34:47,749
Oh.
1888
01:34:47,750 --> 01:34:49,790
Hey, you're germ-free, right?
1889
01:34:49,791 --> 01:34:51,957
- Seriously?
- Shut up.
1890
01:34:51,958 --> 01:34:53,749
Did you hear that?
1891
01:34:53,750 --> 01:34:55,624
- What?
- Oh, no.
1892
01:34:55,625 --> 01:34:56,999
Oh, shit.
1893
01:34:59,416 --> 01:35:01,540
Oh!
1894
01:35:01,541 --> 01:35:03,958
You got to be fucking kidding me!
1895
01:35:05,500 --> 01:35:06,999
Oh.
1896
01:35:10,291 --> 01:35:11,999
Wait, please!
1897
01:35:12,000 --> 01:35:14,290
No, no, no. No, hold your fire.
1898
01:35:14,291 --> 01:35:16,624
Wait. Hold up, please.
1899
01:35:16,625 --> 01:35:18,082
Don't shoot.
1900
01:35:18,083 --> 01:35:19,375
Don't take him.
1901
01:35:20,458 --> 01:35:21,915
Take me.
1902
01:35:21,916 --> 01:35:23,790
- Come on, man.
- No.
1903
01:35:23,791 --> 01:35:25,415
What's done is done.
1904
01:35:25,416 --> 01:35:27,165
This good man is not to blame.
1905
01:35:27,166 --> 01:35:29,457
Is he a bit of a tool? Absolutely.
1906
01:35:29,458 --> 01:35:32,124
But he's got a lot of new
amazing stuff to invent.
1907
01:35:32,125 --> 01:35:35,165
And if I know Elijah, and I think I do,
1908
01:35:35,166 --> 01:35:37,957
testicles won't be the only thing
he ends up saving.
1909
01:35:37,958 --> 01:35:39,874
So if you've got to serve some justice,
1910
01:35:39,875 --> 01:35:41,790
serve it to me.
1911
01:35:41,791 --> 01:35:44,374
Hey. Hey.
1912
01:35:44,375 --> 01:35:48,333
I am really sorry I made such a big deal
out of sucking the fish out of your dick.
1913
01:35:49,875 --> 01:35:53,832
Relax.
The Iguazú is more than just a river.
1914
01:35:53,833 --> 01:35:55,041
It's a border.
1915
01:35:56,166 --> 01:35:57,291
Welcome to...
1916
01:36:00,291 --> 01:36:01,707
Uruguay?
1917
01:36:01,708 --> 01:36:02,957
- Oh, my God, we're in Uruguay?
- No.
1918
01:36:02,958 --> 01:36:04,749
No, we're not.
1919
01:36:04,750 --> 01:36:06,665
That's Argentina!
1920
01:36:06,666 --> 01:36:09,041
Our flags are very similar.
1921
01:36:09,916 --> 01:36:12,374
My country has been trying to save you two
1922
01:36:12,375 --> 01:36:14,249
since the moment you saved us.
1923
01:36:14,250 --> 01:36:15,624
Really?
1924
01:36:15,625 --> 01:36:17,124
Well, you could've fooled us.
1925
01:36:17,125 --> 01:36:19,874
Yeah, wh-where the hell
have you guys been?
1926
01:36:19,875 --> 01:36:22,333
Oh, where have we been?
1927
01:36:24,541 --> 01:36:25,541
- Oh.
- What the...?
1928
01:36:27,541 --> 01:36:29,332
Antonia? How...?
1929
01:36:29,333 --> 01:36:31,374
My name is Isadora Cortez,
and I'm an officer
1930
01:36:31,375 --> 01:36:33,625
with the Agencia Federal de Inteligencia.
1931
01:36:34,708 --> 01:36:36,707
You're a spy?
1932
01:36:36,708 --> 01:36:40,374
Since the moment you were arrested,
I've been running Operation Estúpidos.
1933
01:36:40,375 --> 01:36:41,749
- Huh?
- Guys...
1934
01:36:41,750 --> 01:36:43,874
all you had to do
was listen to me at the jail,
1935
01:36:43,875 --> 01:36:45,915
but you fired me
before you even heard my plan.
1936
01:36:45,916 --> 01:36:47,207
I-I didn't fire you.
1937
01:36:47,208 --> 01:36:49,290
- He fired you.
- To protect her.
1938
01:36:49,291 --> 01:36:52,707
Wow, it's absolutely true...
no good deed goes unpunished.
1939
01:36:52,708 --> 01:36:53,999
- I told you.
- Awesome.
1940
01:36:54,000 --> 01:36:57,499
We had a multimember extraction team
waiting to whisk you two out of Brazil,
1941
01:36:57,500 --> 01:36:59,874
but you were always one step ahead of us.
1942
01:36:59,875 --> 01:37:02,624
Wait a second. Was that, was that
the crowd chasing us down the alley?
1943
01:37:02,625 --> 01:37:04,165
No, that was the Brazilians.
1944
01:37:04,166 --> 01:37:05,374
Oh, good.
1945
01:37:05,375 --> 01:37:07,707
But we were there
when Pavio Curto was about to kill you
1946
01:37:07,708 --> 01:37:09,124
with that cachaça bottle.
1947
01:37:09,125 --> 01:37:10,999
- That was you guys?
- Of course.
1948
01:37:11,000 --> 01:37:13,957
Why did you guys run into the jungle
after we shot him?
1949
01:37:13,958 --> 01:37:16,582
Curt said it was a rival drug gang.
1950
01:37:16,583 --> 01:37:18,582
That fucking liar.
1951
01:37:18,583 --> 01:37:21,540
Then we lost your cell phone signal
and feared you were dead.
1952
01:37:21,541 --> 01:37:23,957
Our entire country
has been praying for you.
1953
01:37:23,958 --> 01:37:25,999
You guys were praying for us?
1954
01:37:28,166 --> 01:37:30,332
Well, I guess our prayers
have been answered.
1955
01:37:30,333 --> 01:37:32,707
¡Los Genios! ¡Vamos!
1956
01:37:34,208 --> 01:37:35,290
¡Argentina!
1957
01:37:35,291 --> 01:37:37,749
¡Argentina! ¡Argentina!
1958
01:37:37,750 --> 01:37:41,915
¡Argentina! ¡Argentina! ¡Argentina!
1959
01:37:41,916 --> 01:37:45,082
¡Argentina! ¡Argentina! ¡Argentina!
1960
01:37:45,083 --> 01:37:49,165
¡Argentina! ¡Argentina! ¡Argentina!
1961
01:37:49,166 --> 01:37:51,165
I'm not just the designer.
1962
01:37:51,166 --> 01:37:52,749
I'm also a client.
1963
01:37:54,666 --> 01:37:58,499
Your os testículos will never be the same.
1964
01:37:58,500 --> 01:38:01,040
Los testículos.
1965
01:38:01,041 --> 01:38:02,790
You're in Buenos Aires now.
1966
01:38:02,791 --> 01:38:06,790
And do you know what is better
than being the condom of the World Cup?
1967
01:38:06,791 --> 01:38:10,333
Being the official condom
of an entire country.
1968
01:38:11,875 --> 01:38:13,790
Tens milliones, por favor.
1969
01:38:17,333 --> 01:38:21,291
¡Argentina!
¡Argentina! ¡Argentina!
1970
01:38:32,208 --> 01:38:33,665
Yeah!
1971
01:38:38,000 --> 01:38:39,332
Whoo!
1972
01:38:39,333 --> 01:38:40,750
Hey!
1973
01:38:58,791 --> 01:39:02,499
A wise man once said,
"Futebol is science:
1974
01:39:02,500 --> 01:39:05,457
mathematics, physics, chemistry.
1975
01:39:05,458 --> 01:39:07,624
But also the humanities:
1976
01:39:07,625 --> 01:39:10,291
art, music, poetry."
1977
01:39:12,291 --> 01:39:14,124
"It is also love,
1978
01:39:14,125 --> 01:39:17,290
family, community,"
1979
01:39:17,291 --> 01:39:20,082
orange slices...
1980
01:39:20,083 --> 01:39:22,707
and the greatest game in the world.
1981
01:39:24,958 --> 01:39:27,832
As for us,
we settled into Argentina
1982
01:39:27,833 --> 01:39:30,832
like testículos into the Balls Up.
1983
01:39:30,833 --> 01:39:32,874
Put that on our gravestones.
1984
01:39:32,875 --> 01:39:34,790
So, we're getting gravestones?
1985
01:39:34,791 --> 01:39:36,624
Uh, better than gravestones.
135769
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