Original subtitles

a long time ago back in the Middle Ages

the world was in search of some sort of

order

not that long ago I said the Middle Ages

middle

are there things were different then it

was an uncivilized time

because of this it was also known as the

Dark Ages

not that dark

it was during this time that the Vikings

were some of the most powerful men on

Earth they were uncultured they were

illiterate they didn't wash they were

barbarians and apparently they were

pretty proud of all this the Vikings

made their living by sailing off to

foreign lands and taking home souvenirs

they didn't pay for this could be an

easy job please don't bother to get up

or it could be additional plus it all

depended on who you were taking the

souvenirs from

the most famous Viking of all was laith

Erickson

horrible

and this is the story of Hagar as he

returns home to his wife Helga and his

two children honey and Hamlet

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all right

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man the faster we roll the faster we'll

be home with our wives and candy

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dad

Hamlet it says Viking Academy Award most

promising Barbarian

my boy Daddy

honey Olaf we're engaged my daughter's

marrying a great Viking and my son's

gonna be a great fighter

have you sighted land yet lucky Eddie

nope have you tried looking in the

direction we're going

well

careful you guys huh I almost fell out

of here

um

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your home late from work again Hagar you

are due back three months ago oh I knew

you'd be at the door to greet me

honey

Hamlet dead

these are for you

wow

squeeze this

oh

so kids do you have anything or anyone

to show me huh what

kids set an extra place for your father

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put your homework

the Viking Academy has him doing

homework what's happened to that school

Hagar cut your meat before you eat it

so honey do you have any news well I'm

engaged my 16 year old daughter engaged

at long last I hoped you'd be happy

about it happy how's this yeah

can you help me get dressed

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congratulations Olaf who are you hello

sir my name's loot I'm here to see honey

ah sorry she's getting ready for a date

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yes excuse me sir but I am Honey's date

sure and I'm a leprechaun

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everybody Honey's engaged and even if

she wasn't she wouldn't give some guy

like you loot honey I see you've met my

father several times already dad

this is loot nice to meet you

and he's marrying me well we better be

going I'm glad you two finally met bye

Elga what's going on here I come home

after a short two-year business trip and

what do I find my son's reading books

and my daughters engaged to a guy from

the wrong side of the Fjord instead of

Olaf the man of my dreams how could you

let this happen are you trying to ruin

the lack of civilization as we know it

keep poetry homework no way was I gonna

wait for the next parents night to deal

with this recess

[Applause]

well I've never had a very high opinion

of the Viking Academy myself they threw

me out after my first day and I've gone

on to become a pretty famous Viking

oh but they're sorry they ever threw me

out of here hello Hagar hey aren't you

lucky Eddie that's right

it's okay he's with me come on Lucky

Eddie well he can just forget about me

speaking at graduation

haga welcome back lucky Eddie he's with

me it's good to see you again Hagar

you've done the school proud we

certainly were right when we named you

most likely to ravage foreign lands

what brings you here today we came on

foot

seems we were right about him too

sir last night I got back from ravaging

a few foreign lands

and I found my son Hamlet doing poetry

homework I ask you is that the kind of

thing you're teaching aspiring young

Vikings nowadays of course not we have a

reputation to uphold here that must be

from some other school he's going to you

see Hamlet flunked out of the Viking

Academy

[Applause]

ah

here is his report card yes

what's it say I don't know either but

people who read

tell me it's bad

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I was on my way out

I can't believe it a son of mine

out of Viking Academy

at least I'm in a good angry mood to

give Olaf a piece of my mind for dumping

honey

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gar lucky Eddie hi come on in I was just

fixing dinner

why Olaf why why did you break my little

girl's heart and mine too but Hagar I

didn't drop honey she dropped me she

said she wanted somebody with brains and

good looks women you figure them out I

can't believe she'd let you go what else

did she say

he said I was greasy and that I have Bad

Manners yeah yeah so that's just it she

said it like it was a negative thing uh

what's happened to my family well Hamlet

flunked out of Viking Academy and honey

dumped her fiancee for a musician boy

where have you been all day

Helga's really made up messages it's up

to me to straighten everything out as

usual

will you stop cleaning and listen to me

I thought the problem was the Viking

Academy an Olaf but they're as good as

ever the problem is the kids and how

you've been bringing them up look if you

think you can do better oh great wise

one be my guest all right watch this

honey Hamlet yeah Dad what you want look

you kids mean the world to me but your

mother's been letting you get away with

murder

well it's not gonna be that way now that

I'm home

honey I forbid you to marry any man who

can't meet Viking standards so forget

your engagement to that weird guy loot

huh

Hamlet I forbid you to read any more

books until you improve your Viking

skills and the Viking Academy agrees to

take you back what what we'll start

working at it first thing tomorrow well

that's all gee

so what do you think I wouldn't get my

hopes up for Father's Day

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do you think it's wrong of me not to be

glad dad's home after he's ruined our

lives you mean wrong of us

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I love Dad too boy I bet if we didn't

love anything we wouldn't be having

these problems maybe there's a way to

make everybody happy

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train Luke to be what Dad wants if you

can make a viking out of loot I guess I

can make a viking out of me

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oh

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all right

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what's wrong

[Applause]

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uh if anyone needs me I'll be upstairs

in bed for a few years

I think Dad's going to be really

impressed with you loot

put it on your helmet

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Helga I brought a few guests home a few

were you planning to build bleachers

honey I'd like you to meet your future

husband

looks like it's going to be a big

wedding not all of them we're gonna

choose the best one oh good idea here he

is

who's he he doesn't look like any Viking

we know

well he is too a viking show him go on

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you are fighting using a napkin

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that's not how you pick a viking husband

oh no well how should a husband be

chosen I'll show you all right who wants

to date my daughter

well I'm finding honey

shows real promise on the practice

fields in just one day I think I've been

able to undo much of the damage

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thank you

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ahead

but I appreciate it

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come on not so rough get out

who'd want to be married to her why is

she miss wrong

no no please if you hug me I could be a

dead man honey as much as I love you I

don't think this is going to work out no

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I'm sorry I'll never be what your father

wants for you I made up my mind while I

was flying out here I'm going to go

where my music and gentlemanly qualities

are appreciated

but you can go I love you

that's why I have to go goodbye goodbye

we gave it a try my love

anybody else want to take a shot

hello

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where's the happy couple

[Laughter]

you ruined my life but I thought

everything was going so well I found a

real man for you

I don't want a real man I want loot

honey are you all right Hamlet you

should be in bed we've got early

catapult practice tomorrow

That's my boy

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I got a kid who likes to read what do

you do Sven I've got a daughter who

Wants to Marry a guy who Combs his hair

how did that happen Eric sometimes I

wish I was like you Lars no wife no kids

I've got a wife and five kids so you're

a bad example did you have to point that

out I mean couldn't you just got along

with me on this I'm tearing my heart out

here and you're getting picky about

whether you've got a family or not

where did I go wrong

it's not you Hagar you said a good

example I mean we don't call you the

horrible for nothing face it you just

got weird kids weird yeah hey maybe

that's what you should call them honey

the weird and Hamlet the weird

[Laughter]

looks like drinks are on Hagar

oh my God my cat weird but you said

that's right Hagar you said that's

different than mine I can call them what

I want with all my son reads books just

because we don't know how doesn't mean

it's not worthwhile and Honey's found

someone she loves and who loves her

she's lucky a lot of people never find

that my kids aren't weird

they're just different

don't you forget it

foreign

oh hi hi I was just shooting the breeze

with the guys here that was really nice

what you just said Hagar and I think it

would be nice if you said the same thing

to the kids uh-uh no way you can't hold

me to that oh no

okay

man we need a Viking helmet that covers

the ears somebody get right on it

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loot honey doesn't want you to go so I

guess I don't either you mean it sir do

you really want your daughter to marry

someone who's dumb enough to ask me that

not to mention dumb enough to think a

boat would pick him up because he's

thumbing hey buddy Wanna Live

no thanks I'm so happy I've just got to

sing

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Hagar

sorry

dad

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honey come out here

I've got something for you

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[Applause]

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oh thank you Dad please I'd rather not

take any credit for this

is it time for practice uh no

what's this doing under here it was cold

sorry Dad sorry I'm not a very good

Viking well you tried anyway you're just

better at other things but I'm not good

at things that could make you proud of

me well maybe

there's some off chance I could be proud

of you for the things you do best does

that mean I can read books and do

homework again

wow

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lots of different things it's called

Aesop's Fables wanna hear one well maybe

one

and upon a time there was a tortoise in

the hair the hair was always bragging

about how fast he was and sneering at

the tortoise because he was so slow one

day the Tardis challenge that turned

into a race thank you

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foreign

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you feel better right well we've really

done it done what opens the floodgates

that's what pretty soon there won't be

any standards at all girls will be

trying to marry guys with brains instead

of Brawn kids all over the world will be

reading books and doing homework

can you imagine what kind of society

we'll have then it all started here and

it's on our heads Helga

are you asleep yet

no and after that speech of yours I'm as

surprised as you are good could you

finish reading this story to me

I can't wait to hear how it comes out

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the Tardis crawled along so slowly that

before long the hair was far far ahead

of him he'll never catch me thought the

hair I think I'll take a little nap

the age of the Vikings is said to have

ended with the conquest of England in

1066.

don't you believe it

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thank you

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