Original subtitles

Call me Kenneth!

PREVIOUSLY

REPLAY

We have our first red card, and Vanna has to follow me.

-No! -Here it comes.

-We have a red card. -No!

On the rollercoaster, they were screaming in harmony.

-See you in there, Anders! -God fucking shit, damn it.

Ankan. You put up a good fight.

-Let's hear it for Ankan. -Just wanna leave!

All worry, vanish

Sussie, dear. You put up a good fight.

Bye, my darlings.

LAST ONE

LAUGHING

LOL: LAST ONE LAUGHING SWEDEN

Lubricate...

Let's go to Spain. They have other cake there.

-And better porn. -Yes.

Who was that?

-Was it you or me? -Who was it now?

-They want to go home. -Many want to.

They've been at it for long enough.

-Right. -Now, now, now.

This person was worried every time I walked in.

Let's see what it looks like.

Looked worried?

REPLAY

Let's go to Spain. They have other cake there.

And porn.

That's great.

Wonderful.

I deserve that.

-Yellow card. -Thanks, Eva.

You are all wonderful.

God, what a funny face.

-It was great. -Like Jim Carrey.

What a mouth.

It was like an anime.

It was like a cartoon...

My God, how can she open it that much?

-Nice, wasn't it? -Yes.

Let's go.

That was funny.

We're playing hide and seek here.

-Really bad hide and seek. -Everyone has been found.

One, two, three, four, eight, six, four, here I come!

Someone's coming.

Something's on.

The elevator?

-Yes. -It was like a "ding!"

-Now. -Again.

Someone's coming.

Smells like competition.

Nisse Hallberg!

-If only I could smile. -I can smile.

I see Nisse and 142 cream pastries.

I'm thinking, "This won't end well."

-Is it a competition? -Yes.

It's pastry pétanque.

Vegan pastry pétanque.

What's the name of the small target ball? Jack?

-Should I be the jack? -The jack is you.

Of course I'll be the jack.

Should we begin with throwing the jack?

-That's how it has to be. -Yes.

But it's hard to portray the jack.

We'll make a rocking chair variety and throw you.

Jack throwing, but with Per.

Are they going to throw him?

-Do they throw Per? -He's the jack.

I'm doing my part when they throw me.

One, two, three!

-Nice throw. -Great.

Realistic.

There are 52 cream pastries each.

So then, there's one left.

-You win that one. -We're playing pétanque.

The pastries are the balls and Per is the jack.

In some cultures, it's allowed to say what you think about the jack as you throw.

-Go. Yes. -Can I start?

-Great throw. -It was so-so.

A hundred and three left.

-Nice throw, Robert! -That's it!

You can say what you feel.

Point to the jack.

Great.

Great. How does it feel?

Dirty words.

-Your one-man show was great. -You haven't even seen it.

-I bought a ticket and was disappointed. -Nice!

How about we speed it up?

Nice!

Look at his eyes. He wants to die.

Such an act.

Everyone else threw quite carefully.

-I'm kidding. I like you. -Likewise.

But Özz blew off some steam with the pastries.

Take that, Per! Take that for everything!

Feels like my role on the show was for Özz to deal with his traumas.

That's it. Let it out, Özz!

There was more and more darkness in his eyes.

He screams as he throws.

Great, jack.

One more.

-And you paid zero taxes! -I hate pickles!

-No, jack! -No! Bad!

I'm going to hit him.

Great.

Wait!

What a shame that this was interrupted.

Damn!

-We have to get Per. -We have to get him!

Little Per.

What a state he was in!

Lovely Nisse.

Nice to see you.

Bro.

-Hey! -Hey!

No. Yes.

-Hi, Nisse! -Hi, Eva.

Thanks for coming.

You're wonderful, Per. We love you. Thanks for taking one for the team.

-It was my pleasure. -I have a warning.

You wouldn't have thought.

The kryptonite of the team also got in trouble.

It's only getting tougher now.

Let's see how it happened.

REPLAY

-No, jack! -No! Bad!

-And you paid zero taxes! -I hate pickles!

It's Robert!

-That's not a smile. -That is Robert.

-That's not a smile. -You've been warned.

I hear that.

You just have to accept it. We saw you smile and you've been warned.

I accept the yellow card.

It's rough, but fair enough.

There wasn't a smile there.

It was a childish glee, like, "Tomorrow's my birthday!"

As I said, it's getting tougher.

-The smallest inkling... -That is where we are now.

It's all nuances now. You're awesome.

I'm tough. Game on. See you.

Damn it!

-A smirk. A small, goddamn smirk. -Yes.

That was harsh, Robert.

-Don't you get to change clothes? -I don't think so.

He'll be all sour.

-He'll be sour. -You can almost smell it.

I still smell the sausage from earlier. It smells like...

bodily fluids. It smells like spoiled cream.

The smell. The stink. It feels like...

being at Per Andersson's place.

"I can be the jack!"

-Now it's time for tougher stuff. Ready? -Hardcore!

This is it. Full focus.

Not the tiniest smile.

Özz said that he'd make it for 30 minutes. Now he's in the top five.

Clara is so competitive. She's not going to give up.

I see her as a big threat.

I don't think Robert is able to laugh.

I thought Per was weaker.

I'm impressed.

Shit, I'm so tired.

Spa. Can I go to a spa?

-Is that the acetone? -No.

-It's water. -Only water.

So nice.

-Is it good? Want a towel? -I have the velvet couch.

Is he lying on the couch now?

You need to check this out.

Robert is doing something.

I'm pedantic.

I like things to be clean when I need to focus.

A cleanup was needed. I started vacuuming and thought,

"Am I getting eyes on me now?"

It didn't happen.

Why is he vacuuming like that?

Keep going. It gets funny at some point.

If you do it for too long.

-You almost killed me there. -Sorry.

This is good entertainment.

He's making a mess of simple things.

This way. Here.

No, that's...

-Oh. Right. -Watch out for the tea.

Could you...

Put that on? Of course.

-Can't we help him? -Could we help each other? It's gross.

Robert is going at it, and I help to see where it goes.

If I take...

I'm not sure if I was helping.

-It's this one... -This is a mental hospital.

And nobody is taking care of us.

It's coming, it's coming.

-Grab it. -Help me get up.

We'll figure this out.

-If I... -This will end badly.

I'll unplug it. Watch out.

-Like that. -Like that. Damn, it looks nice now!

-Thanks, Robert! Really nice! -Thank you.

We cleaned. Now that Sussie is gone, it's good that he took it upon himself.

I stink. It's crazy.

Time for a bath.

As time goes by, the cream smells worse and worse.

-Özz? Can you turn on the hot water? -Yes.

The question was, "How do you get rid of Per?"

It's impossible.

Per doesn't use strategies.

He's just himself.

You see how it's boiling.

-Hot water in the pool. -It's 100 degrees Celsius.

I'm not a psychiatrist. I don't have pills or a straitjacket.

You just let him keep at it.

I can read you a story while you're washing up.

-Yes, please do. -I'll read.

Filling up the pool with water takes such a long time.

-We need more water. -Oh, my God.

Come on.

-Sorry, it takes time. -It does.

Excuse me.

It's just been a bit slow for a while.

I have a question.

Anders, can you get in there to liven things up a bit?

Absolutely. I'll use my white card.

Let's liven them up a bit.

-What's going on now? -Is that a passiveness alert?

I'm back! I got a task from the competition leader.

Oh, no. Here's the white card.

-The white card. -This was what I was afraid of.

There is something about Anders... His mannerisms...

Why did they bring him in again?

Now it's Jansson's white card.

-Damn it. -Gather up!

This is a guest appearance. Just have to endure it for a few minutes.

Then I might make it.

This is the stage.

-Nice! -Creative.

-Creative. -Remember.

I get to laugh, 'cause I'm dead already.

-Damn it. -But you can't laugh or smile.

For copyright reasons,

I won't be able to do Tiffany Persson, my character.

But, a big round of applause

for the sock puppet Tiffany Persson.

Damn it.

This is going to be hard.

Why are you making eye contact with me?

-Tiffany! -Hi, everybody!

It's me, Tiffany Persson. Look at her, not at me.

-Hi, everybody. Good to see you, Özz. -Likewise.

Clara Henry, how lovely.

-What's that tattoo on your arm? -I have a few.

Nice to hear.

You have to excuse my eyes. I have an eye disease.

I went to the doctor,

but it got worse. And it is now.

It was supposed to pass...

It was supposed to pass in a few weeks. But it's become worse.

It's cataracts.

Now Louise is biting her cheeks.

I've had things up me before, but not this deep.

Now I'll be the host of a small game show.

If you grew up in the '80s, you're probably familiar with it.

It's called Who goes for who?

But we can't call it that.

Therefore it's called So, who actually goes for who?

Don't look at me! Look at the doll!

Here is our first contestant.

-From Finland, Tarja! -Tarja!

Hold the head.

Oh, damn!

You all right, Tarja?

Yes, I'll sit down.

I'll sit down instead. Like that.

Welcome, Tarja. Thanks a lot.

Our first contestant.

Our second one is from Holland! This is Pieter!

-Pieter! -Pieter!

Pieter brought four swords!

Other than that, he's naked.

-Hi, Pieter! -Hi! It's good to be in Sweden.

Keep fighting, Louise. Lovely Louise.

With my four swords. I'm from Brugge in Belgium.

How nice. You can sit next to Tarja.

I'm trying not to look him in the eyes.

Can you sit here, Pieter?

Fold your legs if possible.

I want to look, but I can't.

Pieter. Like that. He's doing a split.

-No! -Louise!

I love it!

Look at Tarja, Louise!

Damn it!

When her legs fell...

-Damn it! -It was close for me too.

I almost burst out laughing when her legs fell.

-Yes. All right. -Hey!

Thanks a lot for a fantastic show.

-Thanks. -Thanks for letting me come back!

Good luck! No, never in my life!

This was too tough. Thanks, Anders.

It was too tough for some of us.

It was great for the rest of us. Want to see what happened?

When it happened.

How nice. You can sit next to Tarja.

REPLAY

What's that face?

-What is... -What's that face?

Louise. Wonderful.

-Dear, you put up a good fight. -An applause for Louise!

See you at my place, Louise.

Thanks a lot. You're awesome. Keep at it.

-That was... the funniest card so far. -Yes, that was...

It was fun while it lasted. But I'm also relieved.

I'll laugh so much.

-You're the best. Kisses! -Bye!

Damn.

I made it for five hours.

Bye. It was fun while it lasted.

Sussie! Want to push the button?

-May I? The green one? -Yes.

Nice one!

Damn, what a jingle...

You feel it when it starts.

Louise! Good job.

I had already lost as soon as he entered.

They sent in a sniper.

-I'll have a bath and a change of clothes. -And?

I'll pour it in, and then I'll take a bath.

The final bucket.

Now there's four of us left.

The competition's beginning to heat up. Anything can happen now.

Did you bring a swimsuit, Robert?

I want to read.

I keep thinking,

"How do I take them out? Is there a strategy..."

No, I don't do that. I lie.

-How... And this one. -I don't know where it should hang.

-What are they doing? -I don't know.

So funny that they're watching.

Are they?

No changing in peace?

People are naked in there.

The smell of Per Andersson... Tallow,

dirty neck,

pissy old man.

I don't know what's with Per Andersson and goo.

-Want to take a bath together, Per? -Let's!

-I'm coming. Why not? -Why not?

At that point, I had lost it.

If Per wants to take a bath, I'll do it too!

Nervous?

I have no dignity left.

We have to take a bath.

-You have to. -Yes. You only live once.

-We're gathered here today... -It's so quiet.

Such an oppressive mood.

I have butterflies in my stomach.

I'm so nervous. Damn.

-Oh, well. -Hey!

-Hey, you! -We have a warning.

I didn't get it.

Let's take a look.

REPLAY

I can't... People are naked in there.

Speechless.

Pretty clear. All of you have a yellow card now.

It means that you have to focus.

You're awesome. See you!

Toodles!

It looked so funny. He was changing clothes.

And then...

You could see it for yourself...

You came in like an old man...

All messy with...

-Cream, being curious. -The pastry goblin.

The pastry goblin. What do you have there?

You naked?

There we go!

Just four people left. It's crazy.

Now...

You can feel the finale coming.

Yes! Now they're taking a bath.

Here...

I thought they were loofahs.

Then I see that they're noodles.

Then I get that they're planning a bath in noodle soup.

Didn't you want to get clean, Per?

I thought so too.

You want a curry bath instead.

We had to put the noodles in the water.

I thought they'd soften.

Nothing happened.

Do we help each other?

-It's cold. Great. -Awfully cold.

Look at Per!

Do you have a poem?

-Yes. -"Staffan..."

Go ahead, bathe.

"...was a groom.

"Was a groom, was a groom.

"With five horses, with five horses.

"The stars shine so bright.

"Fellows, let us be merry.

"Only once a year, we get a peaceful Christmas."

Two grown-up men standing on all fours in a noodle bath,

washing each other.

I'm so close to cracking up.

I baptize thee now, Per,

body and soul, purified.

Clara is struggling now.

"In our house, in our house.

"With a tree and candles.

"There is fire in every stove. Every stove."

Bravo, Per!

Stop it!

"Around the table. A platter of dumplings.

"A platter of pork sausages.

"A platter of brawn. One of pâté. One of braised sausages.

"A platter of meatballs..."

-Clara! Don't laugh! -Don't laugh, Clara!

Clara, walk away! You don't have to be there.

"A platter of salted meat. A platter of ox tongue.

"One of innards sausage. One of ham. One of Christmas cheese.

"Bread..."

"A baby pig garnished with sugar."

Excellent. How does it feel?

Great.

Guys.

Like the crowning glory.

Stand still.

It's like dog training.

And then the dance.

-Let's learn a TikTok dance. -Yes.

I know a TikTok dance.

I want to teach it.

This is the perfect target audience.

Clara!

-Wait five seconds. -Fifty?

How does it go?

It goes like this.

Hand on the hip.

One finger in the air. "No can do."

And wiggle your hip at the same time. Then quick, quick.

One, two, three, four, quick, quick.

Then it gets harder. You push yourself up.

Then down.

Now I want to see you two doing it.

Wait. Let's take it from the top.

-Get it together. -I tore a muscle.

-For real? -I think so.

-Damn it. -Damn it.

All competitions come to an end.

IN UPCOMING EPISODES

I can't laugh!

I'm back!

What is he doing?

I'm out of clothes now.