Original subtitles

The Late Show will begin after this

The Late Show will begin after this

The Late Show will begin after this important message from First Lady

important message from First Lady

important message from First Lady Melania Trump.

Melania Trump.

Melania Trump. >> [cheering]

[applause]

>> Hello.

>> Hello.

>> Hello. Last week, I held an extremely WTF press

Last week, I held an extremely WTF press

Last week, I held an extremely WTF press conference

conference

conference where I explained that I never spent any

where I explained that I never spent any

where I explained that I never spent any time with Jeffrey Epstein, except for

time with Jeffrey Epstein, except for

time with Jeffrey Epstein, except for all the time I spent with Jeffrey

all the time I spent with Jeffrey

all the time I spent with Jeffrey Epstein.

Epstein.

Epstein. I gave my speech for many reasons. Most

I gave my speech for many reasons. Most

I gave my speech for many reasons. Most importantly, talking about Jeffrey

importantly, talking about Jeffrey

importantly, talking about Jeffrey Epstein distracts people from the war

Epstein distracts people from the war

Epstein distracts people from the war that was started to distract people from

that was started to distract people from

that was started to distract people from talking about Jeffrey Epstein.

talking about Jeffrey Epstein.

talking about Jeffrey Epstein. >> [applause and cheering]

>> Yesterday, that war got worse when the

>> Yesterday, that war got worse when the

>> Yesterday, that war got worse when the president decided to blockade the Strait

president decided to blockade the Strait

president decided to blockade the Strait of Hormuz, and no one is more upset than

of Hormuz, and no one is more upset than

of Hormuz, and no one is more upset than me when my husband wants to do straight

me when my husband wants to do straight

me when my husband wants to do straight stuff.

>> [cheering]

>> [cheering]

>> [cheering] [applause]

>> So, to once again distract from the war,

>> So, to once again distract from the war,

>> So, to once again distract from the war, I would like to make the following

I would like to make the following

I would like to make the following announcements.

announcements.

announcements. Just as I rarely hung out with Jeffrey

Just as I rarely hung out with Jeffrey

Just as I rarely hung out with Jeffrey Epstein, I rarely cooked with Jeffrey

Epstein, I rarely cooked with Jeffrey

Epstein, I rarely cooked with Jeffrey Dahmer.

>> [laughter]

>> We just had overlapping social circles

>> We just had overlapping social circles

>> We just had overlapping social circles in Milwaukee.

I also want to insist that I am not a

I also want to insist that I am not a

I also want to insist that I am not a clone of Melania that was created to

clone of Melania that was created to

clone of Melania that was created to appear in public with my husband. I am

appear in public with my husband. I am

appear in public with my husband. I am the real one.

>> [cheering]

[applause]

>> Last, I want to put the rumors of

>> Last, I want to put the rumors of

>> Last, I want to put the rumors of marital trouble to rest by saying, "I

marital trouble to rest by saying, "I

marital trouble to rest by saying, "I live at the White House, and I am

live at the White House, and I am

live at the White House, and I am absolutely in love with my husband."

>> [cheering]

>> I am in love WITH MY HUSBAND.

>> [applause and cheering]

[applause]

[laughter]

[laughter]

[laughter] >> I AM IN LOVE WITH my husband. Ooh, I

>> I AM IN LOVE WITH my husband. Ooh, I

>> I AM IN LOVE WITH my husband. Ooh, I can't do it. Bring in the clone.

can't do it. Bring in the clone.

can't do it. Bring in the clone. >> [music]

[music]

[cheering]