All language subtitles for UFOria.1984.720p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[YTS.BZ]

You a swimmer, I'm a shark.

While we sit here in the dark, I'm a
robot with a gun.

You're a supersonic nun.

You're the country star. I'm a brave GI
in a stolen car from a communist spy.

You're the beauty queen.

I'm the science frog.

With your seconds on the clock before
the bomb goes off.

Going to the movie.

Double feature.

Going to the movie.

Creepy creature.

Going to the movie.

Hole plantation.

Going to the movie.

Exploitation.

Going to the movie. Going to the movie.

I'm a gangster who's been shot.

You the slave girl I just bought.

I'm a monster on the loose.

You the duchess, I'm the dude.

We survived the crash with our face
fucked up. Then the credits flashed and

lights come up.

You're only you and I am only me.

But the movies aren't over, this time
it's free.

Going to the movie. Real life drama.

Going to the movie.

Cinerama. Going to the movie.

Boogie thriller.

Going to the movie.

Fight, go killer.

Going to the movie.

Singing in the rain.

Going to the movies till we go insane.

I was a man who wasn't grown.

I needed time to be alone.

Just to get my shit together and to find
out where my head was coming

from.

I've just begun.

I want to be.

I want to know.

Just like a tree, I want to grow.

I want to live in this world of ours and
never think of anyone

but me.

Growing myself.

I know that I'm okay growing myself.

See my life before me Everyone will just
adore me Cause I'm free

Growing myself To be me

What's going on?

You're leaving me, Susan.

Huh?

You're leaving me.

But we're having roast beef for dinner.
I made up my mind.

You're going out into the world to have
a career.

I'm going where?

And I'm going to change my entire life.

I need you to leave me, Susan, so I can
find out who I really am. So I can grow.

And you need you to leave me so you can
grow.

Huh? So you can find out who you really
are.

But I thought I was me.

The Hendersons are coming over tonight.
I'll phone them. Susan, by now most

people like us have been divorced at
least once or twice, or maybe separated.

I mean, that's what marriage is all
about.

If you don't leave me now, we could be
together until we die or something.

Like our parents.

Jason, I thought we were happy. Susan,
happiness doesn't make you happy.

makes you happy.

Oh.

My kids. What about my kids?

They'll be fine. I'll take real good
care of them. I'll make sure they're

Susan. I'm going to be a terrific
mother.

Hi, honey.

Listen, kids.

I want to talk to you.

What are we having for dinner?

Where's Mommy?

Your Mommy had to go away.

She had to grow.

Go to Easter.

No, honey.

She had to grow more.

You see, people are like food, and Mommy
was... Well, she wasn't like a

hamburger or a can of peas. No.

See, kids, people should be like nice,
beautiful fruits.

Mommy had to go away so she could be a
peach or a plum.

Right now she's more like a potato.

Mommy's a potato?

Can we have french fries for dinner?

So now I'm going to do everything that
Mommy used to do.

What did she used to do?

She made us dinner.

Okay, let's set the table.

Jeffrey, get the dishes.

We're going to have some dinner.

Okay, let's see what we have here.

Ah -ha, chicken.

I think I'm going to get you kids off
red meat. It's bad for your blood

pressure. I'm just going to cook this
old bird up like this here.

And get started.

How about veggies? Veggies are great.

I love veggies.

This looks good.

How's everyone doing?

Good.

Okay.

Peppers. We got peppers. Everyone all
right over there? Some tomatoes.

I think we have a problem.

Now, look at it this way, kids.

You the owner? Yeah. You step over here
for a second. Watch the fire. We'll be

right back.

Shane, well, you've still got a nice
piece of land there. You couldn't save

of the house?

I'm sorry. Actually, this is my first
fire. I'm still getting the hang of it.

used to be in real estate, but I found I
wasn't growing as a person, so I became

a fireman. I know what you mean. I guess
you're going to be needing a new place.

There's nothing left here. Perfect.

I still keep my listings. I figure that
when a victim's house burns down, he's

got to live somewhere. Yeah.

One second, okay?

I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'll
only charge you half the fee. Perfect.

I got a lovely two -bedroom on West 57th
Street. No, I need something bigger.

I've got the kids, you know. Okay.

How would you like a fully furnished,
eight -room, rent -controlled apartment

a high floor overlooking Central Park on
79th?

I'll take it.

Oh, boy, you kids are going to love
Manhattan.

Got the theater and art galleries.

Have you ever been to an auction at Park
Bernet?

Yeah. We're hungry. We haven't eaten
anything since we lost the chicken.

How about some clams?

Here comes the surprise I've been
telling you about. Does that look great?

This is the best surprise in the world.

Okay, now I'm going to show you how this
is done.

Take a little lemon and squeeze the
juice over it, just like so.

Then you take a little of the cocktail
sauce and mix it in with the

Mmm, mix it up real good and smear it
on.

Now my favorite, Tabasco sauce.

You kids ever had Tabasco sauce? And
here we go.

Ready? Here we go.

Ah, okay. Now, everyone get started.
Josh, down the hatch. Come on, Judy, get

started. All right, Jeffrey, now I'm
going to help you.

A little lemon, a little lemon like
that.

Mix in the cocktail and the horseradish.
Judy, how you doing?

Good, huh?

Great. Right in.

A little Tabasco.

Just a touch. Okay. Great.

Now, pick her up.

There we go.

Good, good, good. Ooh, good.

Great, Jeffrey. Chew, chew.

Great.

Terrific.

Morning, ladies.

Beautiful day today.

How you doing, Tom?

Morning, Mr. Cooper.

Morning, Carlos.

Come in, Jason.

Arnold, you got a second? I've got to
discuss something of paramount

My dude, you going jogging?

What is it, Jason?

Arnold, I quit. Now, wait a second. I
know what you're going to say, so hear

out on this, because I've given it a lot
of thought.

Now, corporate law just isn't enough for
me anymore, and sometimes a man has

to... stop being himself so we can find
out who he is. I know, I know.

Stopping being yourself is starting
being someone else. And I want that

else to be me.

I'm quitting, too. Excuse me? I'm moving
to Alaska.

The trapped beaver.

Beaver, Arnold?

Bye -bye, Jake.

Beaver.

Trees.

Plants. That's what I'll do.

Oh, can I help you? Oh, here.

Oh, okay, yeah. One sec.

You okay?

Come on in.

What seems to be the trouble?

Well, I got up this morning, and I was
running a little late for work, you

and the plants were making all these
demands and screaming to be watered, you

know, and I recently broke up with my
boyfriend. I've been a little bit on

anyway, and I just... You hear that?

Yeah. Are you telling me that you beat
your plants?

Listen, it is not all my fault. I mean,
I come from a very long line of plant

batterers, and they warned me that this
could happen, and I've been under a lot

of stress.

Oh, excuse me.

Yeah, one sec, Josh.

Okay, honey.

I have to get the phone. Why don't you
wait in there? Take your pride.

I'll be right with you. No, no, I don't
think you should give this to me. It'll

be okay. It'll be okay. Just wait in
there, and I'm just going to talk to my

son. I want to get the phone, okay?
Don't be long. I don't think you should

leave me alone. No, no, you'll be okay.
You'll be fine. I'll be right there.

Hurry up.

with you.

Hello,

how are you doing?

Huh?

No, no.

Well, um, I don't want you to work too
hard. I mean, I want you to save some of

that for me.

Help.

Huh? What?

Help. Who's that?

Jeffrey, I'm lost.

Jeffrey? Okay, Jeffrey.

Don't panic.

Stay right here.

All right.

Jeffrey, now keep talking to me. Talk to
me so I know where you are, okay?

All right. Jeffrey,

talk to me. Are you there?

Yeah. Okay, well, now tell me what grade
you're in.

First. First grade.

One of my favorites.

Get your leaves off of me, all right?

Okay. Don't panic.

Don't fear.

All right, I see you. I got you. Grab
hold. Grab hold.

Just got to shoot it. Got to lose the
boss. That's all.

All right, hold on. All right, daylight.

I'm seeing daylight.

All right, Jeffrey, we're almost there.

See the couch.

Okay. We're coming up to the couch. All
right.

Okay. All right.

Don't panic. Are you all right? Are you
all right? Yes. Okay. All right.

Okay. Stop that.

No.

No.

Josh, can't you see I'm busy?

Yeah, I know.

Hold on.

Daddy, can I have the keys to the car?

Josh, can't you see that I'm involved?

Hold on, baby. Okay.

All right, look. Don't be like your
sister, okay? Come back.

Cute kid.

No, not you. My son.

Hmm?

No.

Huh? Yeah, listen.

It's this evening.

Dinner. Uh -huh.

La petite portion.

Go easy on the wine, Lee. You're only 14
years old.

You look kind of tired. What have you
been doing?

Yes, monsieur.

Thank you very much.

Oh, wow.

What a day.

Three shootings.

Avedon, Gabulo in the morning.

Then I had this real dork all afternoon.

Must have taken a million rolls of film
for this one stupid perfume man.

Liza, I need you. You're very important
to me.

I know.

You've got innocence and wisdom.

You accept me for what I am. You're
like...

You're like a child.

What do you mean? I'm a 14 -year -old
bimbo?

No, age has nothing to do with it. Look,
I can show you a whole new world.

Like old Rockford files?

Sushi? Oh, yeah.

How boring.

Well, then maybe you'd like to see the
Pavarotti concert.

There's a fast -finder double feature
playing downtown.

No shit.

Still? Well, there's a kiss concert at
the garden.

Give me a break, Jason.

Liza, what do you want to do?

Liza, I'll tell you.

You've got to understand what I've been
going through. Sometimes this happens to

guys like me at times like this. I've
had it with guys like you.

We would have done better seeing that
Fassbinder flick.

But I'm going to be much better.

I'm going to be fantastic.

Probably had too much wine to drink.

My life is all messed up.

You're kidding.

You know, I think I'm going to make my
parents send me to a Catholic school.

And then I could go to a secretarial
college.

And then I could get a job.

And then I could get married and I could
have kids.

Eliza, where are you going?

Jason, let's face it.

You're impudent.

Coming.

Hello, Jason.

Susan.

Sorry to barge in on you like this, but
I only have a minute. You want to come

in? It's all right. I just wanted to
come by and tell you that you were right

about changing and growing myself.

You look fantastic.

Yes, I've done quite well in business.

As a matter of fact, I'm president of
Union Carbide. There you go. You see,

that's what happens when you really want
to do what you have to do, whether you

want to or not.

Yeah, I just have this natural flair for
running major chemical corporations.

Can't help it.

But I haven't forgotten you and your
needs, Jason.

That's why I want you to have my baby.

Huh?

So...

mistake.

Forgot to bring my diaphragm to the OPEC
conference in Caracas last summer.

Susan, couldn't you get an abortion?

Jason, you know how it is when you're a
top -level executive. There's no time.

My God, I've got to make this flight to
Geneva.

You know how the Swiss are about time.

Tell the kids all right.

I haven't heard from Josh or Jennifer
lately.

I'll get them. Okay, bye, Susan.

What's its name? Is it a boy, girl, or
what?

Name. Susan.

It's name.

Susan. What's it? Ah, Susan.

Ah, Susan. Come on. I'm not going to
admit it, but a woman's name is Susan.

Hey. Ah, fuck.

What's its name?

grandmother's name.

Mine's Diana.

It's yours, David. You look like a
David. No, it's Jason, but I think I'd

willing to change it.

Oh, let's keep it down there. You want
to come up for tea? I've got to find out

what kind of kid I got.

I don't know what I'm doing here.

Boy, you probably think I'm some kind of
wanton slut.

Oh, no.

I'm a much bigger person than that.

I think it's beautiful that you're here.

Just let me put a little mood music on.

Ah, that's my kids. I'll be right back.

I think you're gonna like this one.

I'm like various people.

I'm a cat person.

I think it's really great that we can
get to share this experience together.

I'm a book person.

I am a visual person.

I'm feeling really good about myself. I
think it's great that we can get to know

each other like this. You know, there
was so much I wanted to see.

I see, I see.

That's why I went to Morocco, where I
married Abdul.

But you've got to start with yourself.

Oh, it ended in divorce. But then I met
Claude, my ex -husband. Yeah. Yeah,

yeah, and he was this biochemist who was
running this newsstand in Munich. Yeah,

I said, Liza, my ex -girlfriend, she was
a high school sophomore, was doing a

book report and working for Skavulo.

And I was a step.

It's beginning to happen. I'm
transcending. And I was having an

I think I'm beginning to grow.

Fantastic. Extraordinary.

We're going. We're going. Listen, I
think I love you.

Listen, what do we call a cab right now?
Sure, come on. I'll get a cab. Let's

go. Let's get a cab.

Because if I'm going to take care of
you, you've got to be quiet. I can't

a kid who rams on and on.

I thought you were happy.

Jason, you've got to give me the freedom
to be unsure of myself.

And you've got no right to be sure that
you're happy when I'm not sure that I'm

happy.

Oh, yeah, I understand what you mean.

Maybe we should call it quits. I mean,
we have been seeing each other for two

whole days.

Fine.

I'll go get the door.

Hi, Jason. Well, hello again, Susan.

I'm going back to school. Great.

I'm going to Berkeley to get my master's
in urban reproductive recycling.

Terrific. I'm ready to raise the kids
again.

You know, I'm ready for a change myself.

Good.

So, where's Josh and Jeffrey?

And where's Jennifer?

Jennifer!

Mommy's back.

Uh, we, uh, think she may be somewhere
in Brooklyn.

Brooklyn?

Jason, where are my kids?

Well, to tell you the truth, I'm not
really sure. But I think they may be out

finding themselves. You know, growing,
growing. They're out growing.

But they'll be fine. I'm sure they're
going to be terrific.

And the baby's still here. And Judy's
still here. Judy!

Judy, come on in here!

Oh, hi, Mom.

Judy, my baby.

Guess what? We're going to California.

Did you say you were heading for
Berkeley? Can I catch a ride with you

far as Boulder? Sure. Oh, I hear
Boulder, Colorado is going to be the

videotaped capital of America.

Well, goodbye, Jason.

Goodbye, Jason.

Goodbye, Daddy.

Susan. Susan, just a second. Yeah?

I've just decided I'm not happy with the
plans.

I'm going to run for the Senate, so I'm
going to need a kid, preferably one that

can talk, for interviews.

It's going to be good for my image. I'll
take Judy.

I like Judy. I'll flip you for her.

Are you crazy? No, come on. I'll flip
you for her. You're crazy. I'll flip you

for her. Susan, taking a chance is part
of growing.

All right.

I don't have any change. Excuse me, sir.
Do you have a coin?

We want to flip for our daughter.

Wait. Give it right back. Ready? Here we
go.

Head. Growing myself.

I know that I'm okay growing myself.

Getting better every day. Now I see my
life before me.

Everyone will just adore me because I'm
free.

To be me.

into the movies till our brains fall
out.

Seems like it was only a few days ago
when it started.

In fact, it was only a few days ago.

I was just out of college, but I
couldn't get a job.

I was desperate, ready to do anything to
survive.

You know, these guys really slay me. All
I could get for you was 50 bucks for

the night. But don't worry about it.
They're big business people, honchos.

They'll be very good for your career.

Besides, you'll get big tits.

I mean, big tips.

Doesn't that kill you?

That's why I emcee my own gigs. I'm
humorous.

Thank you.

Okay.

See you there. All right.

of friends taught me a brutal lesson. A
lesson that would change my life

forever. I learned what a butter bang
was.

My innocence had been broken by a
harmless stick of butter and I vowed to

the men who broke me.

Good morning, Paul Everest.

I'm Dominique Corsair.

I've been waiting for you.

Excuse me, Miss. Joyce, we'll do the
mail later.

Are you sure, Paul?

Mm -hmm.

Well, Dominique, um... Corsair.

Dominique Corsair.

What can I do for you?

Teach me margarine.

I want to know everything there is to
know about margarine.

Everything?

Is that all?

My dear child, margarine is a ruthless
industry.

It's no place for a woman.

But you've never met a woman like me.

Joyce. Yes, sir. I'm interviewing Miss
Gossett. Please hold all my calls.

Welcome to Hong Kong, Mr. Everett. Yes,
you.

Nice to see you. This is my associate,
Miss Corsair. Miss Corsair, welcome to

Hong Kong. Thank you. We have a
presentation for you.

Oh.

The excitement of my introduction to
margarine was so thick, you could cut it

with a knife.

Oh, it's fascinating.

Oh, yes, I know, I know.

It's almost impossible to believe that
it was once the mere byproduct of the

lowly, pitiful soybean.

That's unbelievable.

Yes, I know.

Stop, my darling.

This way.

No longer an insignificant little bean,
a wholesome and nutritious food stuff

known all over the world.

Ideal for all forms of cooking and
baking, delicious in sandwiches.

Perfect for snacks and on toast.

I'm sorry, I get all carried away.

Someday, somehow, we'll have an answer
to the most critical question of our

time. Can we make a margarine that
tastes better than butter?

We will, darling.

We will.

I love you. And I believe you.

And distribution has always been our
greatest problem.

Of course, we have computers today.

You do all the dirty work. I'm not
boring you, am I, my darling? Oh, no.

I feel as if margarine has been in my
blood forever.

Well, it's been a long day.

And I've taught you almost everything I
know about margarine. Let's take a

break.

Oh, Paul.

It belonged to my father. I want you to
have it.

It's... It's beautiful.

That's beautiful.

Captain Blake, change in flight plan.

Due south.

Ventropay.

No, don't. Please don't.

Paul?

Why did you stop?

I'm having a heart attack, Dominique.

Oh, we better call a doctor.

No time. Let me talk.

From the moment we met, I knew it would
be you. You are like me. You do.

I have margarine in your veins. Now,
Paul, you're not going to die. You're

going to die.

Oh, shut up, you little funny face.

I can't move.

I have a massive heart attack and a
coronary and a cold.

Listen to me. In my attaché case,
ownership papers for Everest Margarine.

signed the presidency over to you.

Oh, my darling.

No, don't try to talk, darling. You must
conserve your energy.

No, no, it doesn't matter anymore. I
love you.

I love you so, Dominique.

But I'm dying.

I leave you with massive
responsibilities and

an unlimited expense account.

Only you can...

lead Everest Margarine into the future,
all the rest of my family are weaklings

and degenerate. They hate Margarine. I
will, Paul.

I will if you'll just give me a chance.

Now, is this legal, or do we need
witnesses?

I'm a notary. Get my seal. It's in the
bag. I always travel with it.

You embody the very spirit of Everest
Margarine.

I'm really going now. Oh, no, wait. Just
a minute. Just one minute, all right?

Okay. One more.

document is perfectly legal.

The new president and chief executive
officer of Everest Margarine is

Dominique Corsair.

Dominique.

Thank you, gentlemen.

Everest Margarine has many new worlds to
conquer and many new frontiers to

explore. And I think I need some new
clothes, though.

If you'll excuse me.

My condolences to the immediate family.

I missed Paul.

We'd shared many wonderful minutes
together.

But he was dead.

And I needed someone to help me gain my
revenge.

Congratulations, Miss Corsair.

My name is Jeff Steele. I'm here
representing the butter industry.

And now that poor Mr. Everest is gone, I
thought that the industries could learn

to live together.

Why not?

Margarine and butter have to coexist,
Tommy.

There's room for both of us. That's why
I'm on the board of Everest Margarine.

Even though your father, Walter Steele,
is head of Universal Dairy?

You know my father?

I met him once at a party with some
friends of his.

My father lives in the past. He refuses
to recognize anything but butter, milk,

and cream.

I've wanted to merge with Everest
Margarine for years, but the old bastard

listen.

But if my father were...

Out of the way, then.

Butter and milk could merge with
margarine and other non -dairy creamers.

possibilities are enormous.

Aren't they, though?

Hello?

I did it! You did what?

I did it! I did it! My father had
this...

Deadly Amazon Indian blowgun that shoots
poison darts? It was over in seconds.

I got him while he was eating dessert.

Now we can merge.

Butter and margarine, you and me.

Don't be a fool.

I have no intention of merging with
anyone.

This conversation is being taped. The
police should be there any minute.

You're kidding. I know you're only
kidding. You don't mean that, Tommy.

You can't do this to me.

You're a cold -blooded murderer, Jeffy.

Stop. Calling me Dommy.

Dominique!

Now I wanted to break the butter
business and make margarine even bigger

better than butter.

Thank you.

Kessler, I want you to buy Universal
Dairy outright.

We can use it as collateral to buy
controlling interest in the five other

dairy companies.

I want to own them all. So do it by
tonight.

That's right, Kessler, by tonight.

Oh, and tell all the factory managers
that they're no longer making butter or

any other dairy product.

They're making margarine.

Only margarine.

Thank you.

I was now ready to meet Nixos Naxos, the
wealthiest Greek tycoon on earth.

I am Naxos. He is my son, Nicky. I am
Mrs.

Naxos. I am Dominique Corsair.

And I don't like your shoes.

Dominique Corsair, what a woman you are!

Come,

we eat. I have eaten.

But first I must change.

Naxos owns everything.

Oil, shipping, metals.

You see these little silver nail
clippers?

Naxos owns them.

That's not why I'm here, Naxos.

You are here because you own the butter.
And because you own every Greek coffee

shop in the free world.

Oh, we will do business, Naxos.

But I'm taking butter off the market.

From now on... You'll serve nothing but
margarine.

What a woman you are, Dominique
Corsaire.

Come,

Dominique Corsair.

We go to Rome and make love.

Dominique Corsair, you speak like a
poet.

I want to make love again.

I want to marry you. Noxus, you already
are married.

I can get married any time I want. I am
Noxus. I make my own rules.

Noxus can marry 50 women.

Noxus can marry a chair.

Come, we go back home to my island.

I got to know Knox's wife and his son,
Nicholas.

Nicholas was throbbing violently on the
brink of manhood.

Helena was a woman scorned.

Thank you.

I knew Noxus would soon discard me the
way he discarded Helena.

I had to avenge myself in advance.

This thing we have done, is it wrong,
Mother?

I'm not your mother, Nicholas.

But you married my father, Mother.

Yes, but you're not my son.

Your father's other wife is your mother.
You are your mother's son.

All I know is that I love you and that I
want you to marry me, Mother.

I'm not your mother, Nicholas.

My husband, your wife.

Your son. What is this?

What is this?

I have made love with your son, my
husband. But you are my wife. Helena is

wife. I am your other wife. I am sorry,
father.

She is my mother.

My wife is also your mother, son.

Why?

Why do you do this? Because I wanted to.
You wanted to?

I wanted to. Only I, Naxos, can make
love to my own son. I am Greek.

But now... I cannot.

It's ruined.

I will kill you.

No, I cannot kill you.

I love you.

I will kill you. No, no, no, no, no, no.

No,

no. I may still want to make love to you
later, you're my son.

Noxus must kill someone.

You taught me you wound me. You
embittered my heart.

You taught me you wound me.

You tortured me forever.

Wife, your son has made love to my wife.

Someone must die for this.

You are the only one we could think of.

was convicted of murder.

His final request was to be executed on
his private golf course in Monte Carlo.

I inherited the vast empire

of Nixos Naxos.

Any ordinary college graduate would have
been happy.

But I still yearned for something money
and power couldn't buy.

Go on, Dr. Kleiner.

As you know, I've been experimenting
with Marjorie in my laboratories.

Yesterday, by mistake, I brought some
experimental margarine to my mother in

hospital. Oh, is something wrong?

She has cancer.

She is 107 years old.

There is in her room, by her bed, a
color television set.

The color television tube irradiated the
experimental margarine before she ate

it.

Today, I went back to see her.

She was laughing and singing and dancing
all around the room.

And she had the strength to pick up her
bed and throw it at the nurse.

She is cured.

You mean... Jawohl.

If people will only eat a margarine and
watch television, cancer will be cured.

The Corsair Industries have found a cure
for cancer.

Thank you, Dr. Kleiner.

That'll be all, Dr. Kleiner.

Jawohl.

Would this bring the happiness that had
eluded me for a day and a half?

Hours ago, the world had no cure for
cancer.

Now, thanks to Marge, we do.

It is with sincere pride that I accept
this most coveted award in Western

civilization, the Nobel Prize.

And I thank you for awarding it to me
out of season.

All America is so proud of you,
Dominique.

Thank you, Mr. President.

If it wouldn't be too much to ask, I
would certainly like a sample of your

cancer cure for my mother. I'd be most
happy to give you anything you want, Mr.

President.

Funny, I was going from a Greek tycoon
to a president of the United States.

Usually it's the other way around.

How do you like this flat?

It once belonged to King Gustav of
Sweden.

It's beautiful.

Robert, darling, why don't you tell me
what you really think, what you feel?

I love you, Dominique.

I have 20 mistresses, but I don't need
any of them anymore.

You've given me more than any woman
could possibly give.

I want to marry you.

surprise for you.

Just a small token of my love.

It's a replica of the presidential seal
in gold and precious gems. Here.

Let me help you put it around your neck.
Oh, no.

I'll put it on later.

Do you like it? I love it. It's
beautiful.

Let me help you. Yeah.

Mr.

President.

Senator Edmondson, you're looking good.
Congratulations on your latest marriage.

And this must be the little woman.

It must be wonderful being president.

You remember my wife, the First Lady, of
course. Hello.

How do you do? How do you do? This is
our guest of honor, Dominique Corsair.

Welcome.

Hello.

Well, old Washington is delighted to
give this party in your honor.

You're a fantastic woman.

Good evening. Thank you.

This is First Lady.

Hello.

When you have a moment, I'd like a word
with you.

Ah, I have the second dance free.

Your husband and I have to do the first
one for the photography, as you know.

Good evening. How nice to see you.

My husband looked more relaxed.

I want him to be happy.

And you, Lucille, are you happy?

Yes. Yes, I am.

I feel happy with you.

And I with you.

the President of the United States, his
wife, and his girlfriend.

Ladies and gentlemen of the press,
please be seated.

It's good to see you all here once
again.

You all know my wife, Lucille, our First
Lady.

At this time, she has an announcement of
some national importance.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have come to a
decision which I believe will aid my

husband in becoming the greatest
president the United States has ever

had, and in turn will help our country
to realize its destiny of greatness.

I have decided that it is my duty...

To relinquish my role as wife of the
president and first lady and to yield

honors and responsibilities to his
girlfriend,

Dominique Corsair, the woman I love.

Thank you.

Three days ago, I was a lonely college
graduate without a job, without love,

without money, without success.

And now, I am the most powerful woman in
the world.

But am I really happy?

Damn right I'm happy!

We'll get thriller.

Going to the movies.

Fight for killer.

Going to the movies.

Ringing in the rain.

Going to the movies till we go insane.

Smog. Killer in the smog. A dirty cloak
of pollution that shards the foul.

Activities of criminals and empresses.

with vengeance of the dead.

Ah.

Can you make me 12 copies of this right
away?

These old comics.

They were great.

The new ones, they stink.

Nothing in real life ever happens that
exciting. Can you make me 12 copies of

this now?

Your driver's license?

Yes, please.

What do you got, 12 cards?

No, no, no, no, no.

Turned me down for a vacation loan.

For a vacation, see.

So I've decided to brutally murder a
bunch of women to settle the score.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I thought I'd leave a Xerox copy of
my driver's license.

It was my picture and everything.

Sounds pretty psycho to me.

Okay, gentlemen.

Okay, gents.

Come on, will you kindly do me the honor
of gracing this briefing room with your

presence? Come on, everybody.

Sit down, will you?

What do you mean? I've been on the force
22 years.

And I've come to the conclusion that
people are shit. You want to talk about

shit, pal? Let's talk about the goddamn
legal system.

You call this beer?

Life's a real piece of shit, huh?

Oh, no.

Mine's not.

My life's pretty darn good.

I bet you've been here a couple of
shitty months.

Hey, Nagurski.

Stan Nagurski.

I'm Grandpa Coney, your new partner.

I think it's Flash Gordon.

My wife divorced me. Then she died. I'll
tell you about it sometime.

Okay, gentlemen.

I suppose you've all heard about the
driver's license killer. The guy who

Xerox copy of his driver's license in
the bodies of all the women he's

Any of you guys got any leads?

Any clues?

Ideas? Anything?

Yes. Officer Filoni.

Officer Brent Falcone.

Why don't we just get his name and
address off his driver's license?

This young officer here apparently
thinks this is a picture show in a

This is real life, Falone.

Walk into the DA's office with evidence
like that, there's shit in your holster.

Well, I beg your excuse. I've got to
take a shit.

All right, everybody.

I guess that's it.

Let's hit the streets.

Oh,

look over there

He looks like he's not feeling very
well.

Stan, can I get out and see if he needs
any help?

I don't give a damn who cares.

This is exciting.

How you doing, pal?

How does it look like I'm doing, man?

Wow. This is fantastic.

You're my first confrontation.

Yeah, lucky me.

Say, what do you got?

They wouldn't fill my prescription.

No?

No. Well, what's it for?

Cough drops.

Cough drops?

I woke up this morning.

I think it was this morning, but it
could have been a couple of weeks ago.

But I woke up this morning. You poor
fella.

Listen, you better come with me. I don't
know when it was because I wake up a

lot, you know. Yeah, me too.

Okay.

What are you doing?

Too tight?

Yeah, that hurts.

Well, maybe we have some lotion in the
car.

Yeah, that'd be real nice.

You're a good guy.

Here we go.

Excuse me, sir.

Here, let's go this way. Hey, Stan, I
made an arrest.

What about my dog?

What kind of dog is it? A blue dog.

Blue dog?

Stan, we better find this kind of dog.

I don't think it'll be very hard to
find. How the hell with this dog?

It's a blue dog.

There aren't many blue dogs around.

That's for sure. Comfortable?

No.

So anyway, I got my master's in social
welfare.

And at the same time, I got real active
with the World Health Fund.

I also work with the International
Symphony Guild on weekends.

You know what we're doing?

We're sending 10 ,000 local Mexican kids
to a two -week symphony camp in Mexico

City where they can learn music in a
real Mexican setting.

Isn't that wonderful?

Fine, fine, fine.

Now I'm going to give you the first of
Nagurski's laws.

Never throw water on a sleeping junkie.

What? What are you doing?

I'm wet.

I'm wet. What are you getting the shit
out of me for? I'm wet. I'm wet.

Look.

We have a... Oh, I'm sorry.

We have a niner, sevener, niner,
Caucasian, five foot three inch,

squirreling female being thrown out of a
car.

Stan, they're killing that girl. Fuck
that.

Let's go over to Sunset and talk to some
whores. She's in the street.

Balcony.

Now I'm going to give you my law number
two.

Never investigate anything where you
might possibly have to get out of the

Where's my dog?

I got this dog, you know, who is really
messed up because...

He was doing some animal tranquilizer or
something like that.

Really?

Yeah. And when I got up, I reached over
to smack my

dog. No. Yeah.

Because when I get up, I like to smack
him.

I went whack, you know, and that's not
nice. My

dog got really pissed off.

Sure. And he ran in the bedroom and he
put some Ajax in my syringe

and fucked me up, right?

So I may not be too high right now, but

I'm clean.

Flake out, Mac, flake out.

Nagurski's Law Number Three.

Always call the car a vehicle around
whores. They get off on that.

Good evening, ladies.

Want to step over to the vehicle,
please?

What's new, girls?

I was stabbed in the leg by an aircraft
mechanic.

I'm sorry. Some creep went and killed
Stacy.

Left a Xerox of his driver's license
right on her face.

Man, that was weird, Stan.

Nice talking to you, girls.

We'll see you around.

Be careful.

Bye -bye.

8 -9 -10 -er, 8 -9 -10 -er, 8 -9 -10
-er, 8 -9 -10 -er.

What am I doing?

I'm going to hit the flashers, okay?

Help yourself.

This is fantastic.

I can't tell you how excited I am to be
riding with you. I'm glad you're

excited, but, you know, I don't want to
say anything, but you could be a little

boring. You know?

Really? I like your enthusiasm, but
you're boring.

And turn the damn flashers off.

You know, he's right, man. You are
boring. You're a real drag, you know? I

flake out.

Yeah, okay, man.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night. Good night, man.

I like you.

Am I a drag?

What? Am I really boring?

Nah, you're okay.

It's just that he's a pain in the ass.

Don't you think you're too hard on the
fella? I said he's a pain in the ass.

At least I'm not boring.

Well, don't be too sure.

Code 412.

Code 412. Break in Sunset Boulevard.

Corner Gardener. Freedom Qatar.

Negerski's law number four.

Never go near a music store that's been
cut into with an acetylene torch.

Hey, man, get out of my face.

I didn't mean to be in your face.

Um, why don't we just bop over to my
house, look around the garage.

I'll bet we can rig up a set of drums
just for you.

Stan, a little kid shot me.

Oreos. Devil cream.

Did you see that?

Things weren't always this bad, Balcony.

Back in the old days, people respected
cops.

The ones that didn't, we busted their
ribs and locked them up.

But today, it's a fucking joke out
there.

Can't convict them, can't arrest them.

As long as they don't come between me
and my chilly dog to hell with them.

I still think somebody's got to care.

Excuse me for interrupting your lunch.

Officer Brent Falcone here.

If any of you would like to talk about
this...

I just want you to know, I'm here to
listen.

Chandler and try to arrest Samuel
Stockman, a .k .a. driver's license

considered armed, and has a lawyer.

We're here.

4013 Chandler.

that guy.

I take my wife everywhere, but she finds
a way home.

I said to my wife, where do you want to
go for your anniversary?

She said, I want to go somewhere I've
never been before. I said, try the

kitchen.

Hey, Stan, what do we do?

You heard him. The guy's got a lawyer.

Stan, looks like a 211 in there.

You better call for backup.

I'll go on the bystanders. One of those
mothers could be in on it, Val Coney,

and blow your face away.

I've got to try.

Excuse me.

Excuse me, please.

Move back.

Move back.

Somebody could get hurt. Please, walk
back.

Excuse me.

Excuse me!

Hi,

honey.

I've been shot again.

Look at you.

Look at me.

Look at your son.

Look at the dog.

It's not just the dog, Brent.

Cats all up and down the neighborhood
are being handcuffed by your son.

I don't know who you are anymore.

Jerry?

Do you see what's happening to us?

at this look at this you're starting to
wear all the same ugly bargain basement

garbage the other off -duty cops wear oh
you ever see yourself in that stuff

you look like a cop and look at me i
don't want to wear blue anymore you know

that brent goodbye

stanley uh we got a guy in here he's got
a hot dip

on the driver's license

I'll give you a hot tip.

Turn off your hearing aid any time a
stoolie wants to send you something.

Six to one, he's trying to send you down
the river. No, no, no, Stan.

This guy's on the level. I'm telling
you. He's not just trying to make a

Come on, Stan.

Did he interrogate you?

That's a waste of time.

You're going to be proud of me.

I need good practice.

Yeah, I'm proud enough of you.

I don't need this.

He calls himself Mousy.

No kidding.

Also known as Marvin Jerome, Milton
James, Mark Lejean, small -time

con man.

Likes to expose himself to household
pets.

What's new, Mousy?

I'm straight, Ligursky.

This is strictly legit.

You know that psycho?

He came to my photocopying shop last
week.

He came back again today.

Thanks. No, I only smoke menthols.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I think that psycho's ready to strike
again.

You do?

That's an interesting theory, Massey. He
wanted a dozen more copies of that

driver's license I made for him last
week.

I said, no way, pal.

You ain't getting nothing.

And then he said he's going to start
murdering women again this afternoon.

Maple and Chandler.

Excuse me. What?

I'm Officer Brent Falcone.

May I see some identification, please?

I'll give you a copy of my driver's
license.

Okay.

Damn it.

Can I help you?

You're going to have to come with me.

Where are you going?

You're innocent until proven guilty.

Buckle up.

What a trip!

How about we grab a sandwich?

Bite free.

Get a hold of yourself.

Get a hold of yourself.

Don't try anything funny.

I know this thing.

Sure you do.

Hey, Brent, you better watch out, man.
That guy is nuts.

He's whacked out. He does a lot of dope.

You play?

Don't try anything funny.

Classical or pop?

Folk, probably.

That's great.

So do I.

What's your favorite song?

Lots of things.

Do you know feelings?

Sit down.

Listen to this.

Nothing more than feeling.

Trying to forget my feelings

of love.

You know, I hear they got a pretty good
band up in the state prison.

What do you say I just come up and visit
with you?

We could jam together.

Yeah.

Hey, I know about guys like you.

Somewhere along the line, you took a
wrong turn.

All you need is a... A little support.

A little direction.

You'll be back doing your own thing.

Maybe you'll even have your own band.

Feelings.

All of my life of feelings.

Meanwhile, I'd be happy to keep an eye
on your place.

You know, water the plants.

Get a cleaning lady in every once in a
while.

It's really no sweat.

Hey, just leave me an extra set of keys
in the kitchen.

That is... If you can trust a cop.

If I can trust a cop?

If I can trust a cop?

done that, Mrs. Stockman?

That does it.

That does it!

What do I have to do to get through to
you guys, huh?

I mean, what the fuck do I have to do?

I go around busting my balls for you,
huh?

This is what I get? Will you get this?

Where did we go wrong, huh?

Your mommy didn't give you enough love?

Let me give you some love.

Here's some love.

Want a little more love?

All right.

Do you believe this guy, Stan?

I was going to take care of his place.

I was going to look after him.

I was even going to give him a job with
the band.

But you don't fucking deserve no job
with the band, man.

You probably couldn't even play for
shit, you know that?

You couldn't even watch out for shit.

Your singing sucks, you know that? It
sucks.

Hang it, Brant.

Hey, kid.

Ah, don't take it so hard.

Everybody shoots somebody sometimes.

It's a cop's life.

Car 7 -Eleven at 12 -Eleven. Family
dispute at 7 -Eleven, 12 -Eleven, 12th

Street. There's a reason you have to...

It's your turn, Stan.

What?

It's your turn.

My turn? I've got seniority. I don't
give a shit.

Oh, come on. Get out of the car.

What?

Get out of the fucking car.

All right.

All right.

Give me my cap.

Come on.

Twit.

Salcone's law number one.

Let Nagorski do it.

You've got to let your anger out! Will
you let it out?

You've got to show people that you
can... All

right,

break it up, break it up.

Don't shoot me. I'm here to help you.

Oh, okay.

Wow. Somebody woke me up.

I hate cops that don't want to get
involved.

Guys like that just don't seem to care.

I think I'm coming under some acid.

I did in 1967.

You a swimmer, I'm a jock.

While we sit here in the dark.

I'm a robot with a gun.

You a super frantic nun.

You a country star, I'm a brave GI.

In a stolen car from a time as fast.

You the beauty queen, I'm the science
rock.

With your seconds on the clock before
the bomb goes off.

Going to the movie.

Double feature.

Going to the movie.

Creepy creature.

Going to the movie.

Oh, plantation.

Going to the movie.

That's plantation.

Going to the movie is going to rap, rap,
rap.

Going to the movie is going to brain
fall.