Original subtitles

- Yeah, let's go, man. (bright country music)

♪ I've always been crazy I

♪ And the trouble that it's put through ♪

♪ Been busted for things that I did and I didn't do ♪

♪ I can't say I'm proud of all of the things that I've done ♪

♪ But I can't say that I've never intentionally hurt anyone ♪

♪ I've always been different with one foot over the line ♪

♪ Winding up somewhere one step ahead or behind

♪ It ain't been so easy, but I guess I shouldn't complain ♪

♪ I've always been crazy, but it's kept from going insane ♪

- Woo!

♪ Beautiful lady, are you sure that you understand

♪ The chances you're taking loving a free-living man ♪

♪ Are you really sure you really want what you see ♪

♪ Be careful of something that's just what you want it to be ♪

♪ I've always been crazy but it's kept me from going insane ♪

(bottle shatters)

♪ Nobody knows if it's something to bless or to blame

(toilet flushing) It's never been easy.

♪ So far I ain't found a rhyme or a reason to change ♪

I've always been crazy.

♪ I've always been crazy, but it's kept me from going insane ♪

But it's kept me from going insane.

Huh? Oh no ma'am, you got me wrong.

I'm not Waylon Jennings, no.

Yeah, well, I do get taken for him a lot.

My name's Sheldon, Sheldon Bart.

(machine hissing)

(Sheldon speaking indistinctly)

(knob rattling)

(pump whirring)

(footsteps pattering)

Excuse me, partner. I think I got a rock in my hubcap.

(car horn honks)

(hub cap clatters)

Woo, well that damn beer makes me wanna pee all the time,

you know what I mean?

(machine clattering) (coins clanking)

(squeegee bangs)

(footsteps pattering)

- So it's $16.50.

- Here, keep the change, buddy.

(hub cap clattering)

(engine revving) (tires squealing)

(bright guitar music)

- Bitch.

♪ I know there's a fool born about every minute ♪

♪ Dig them a hole, and they'll step right in it ♪

♪ Now you name the game, and I know how to win it ♪

♪ 'Cause I do what it takes to get by ♪

♪ I do what it takes to get by ♪

♪ 'Cause I know how it feels to be left high and dry ♪

♪ And when it comes down to do it or die ♪

♪ Lord, I do what it takes to get by ♪

(Sheldon humming)

- You're not him. - Who's that?

- Waylon Jennings. - Well, I might be.

- Yeah, but you're not. - Why not?

- 'Cause he'd never go in for shoplifting.

If you're that hungry, I won't say anything,

but I just know Waylon Jennings wouldn't go in for that.

$1.02, (buttons beeping)

$0.43, (buttons beeping)

$2.45. (buttons beeping)

(six-pack bangs) Will that be all?

$4.05, please? (basket clattering)

Thank you.

(upbeat country music)

♪ Ma's out there, switchin' in the kitchen ♪

♪ And Dad's in the living room, grouchin' and a-bitchin' ♪

♪ And I'm out here ♪

♪ Kicking the gong for euphoria, euphoria ♪

- Hey hoss, where's you're brother Bud hiding out?

- Brother Bud? Yes, sir. He's in his camper.

Over there. - Thanks, son.

- Praise Jesus. - You bet.

(car engine humming)

♪ There's a man in the corner sitting underneath a table ♪

♪ He's out making faces at a union label ♪

♪ You know he picked his ears and he rolled his eyes ♪

♪ And whispered euphoria ♪

- Howdy. What can I do for you?

Is that Sheldon? - In the flesh.

- Well, Sheldon Bart, I'll be a son-of-a-gun.

Good to see you, buddy. You look good.

- Well, so do you, buddy. - Hey, sit down.

Sit down. Have a beer. My God.

- It looks like you got a pretty big situation here.

- Hell, it's better than working at Lockheed.

(both laughing)

By God, what are you doing in these parts?

- Well, come see you, boy.

- The last time I saw you was in-

- San Antonio. - San Antonio

at The Tropical Lounge. (laughing)

- You know we both liked to get thrown in jail that night.

- Yeah, well, hell. - Hey, you know,

somebody told me you got married.

- Yeah, well, I was married for a couple of months

and tried everything, it didn't work. (laughing)

- Well, who was the lucky woman? (laughs)

- Well, called her Goldie, but her real name was, uh,

I think she called her Leslie something.

- (laughing) Hey, you preaching tonight?

- Is a frog waterproof? (laughs)

(Bible flaps and bangs) (mic squeals)

- Now, some of you're gonna say, "Brother Bud,

"if we've all sinned and come short of the word of God,

"then maybe we're all going to go to Hell."

Well maybe you are.

Let's think about that for a minute, huh?

What if I just stand here and flat out tell you

that you're all going to go to Hell, huh?

All of you are gonna go to Hell.

Is anybody here afraid of that?

(crowd responding indistinctly)

Well, my friends, you had better be afraid of that,

because there ain't no place so bad as hell, but Hell.

- [Congregant] Hallelujah.

- There's no pain so painful as hell, but Hell,

and there's no darkness

that you can even think of in your brain

that is so hellish as Hell.

And my friends, you had better be afraid of that,

because you are on your way.

You are on your way to Hell!

(gentle organ music) Raise,

raise up that arm, raise that arm!

Raise up. (congregant moaning)

Praise Jesus.

(congregants speaking indistinctly)

All ye evil spirits, out!

Keep the spirit, sister, keep the (indistinct).

I command you, Satan, go! (congregant screaming)

Praise Jesus. Sister, can you hear me?

Can you hear me, sister?

Sometimes it takes more than one healing session

to heal somebody.

- I broke my leg all up in a car accident two years ago.

It was two years, 21 days ago, in fact.

(whimpering) /, I count the days, because of that,

that terrible accident, I lost my wife.

- Yes, have courage, brother, have courage. Go on.

- 1, I lost my 6-year-old daughter too.

My leg's been all stiff and swollen up like this ever since.

- Oh, praise Jesus, hold on, brother, hold on.

Dear Jesus, let your healing power flow through these hands

of this, your humble servant,

as it has done so many times before.

Dear Jesus, heal this miserable man,

heal him, I pray, heal him.

Heal him, heal!

Bend that leg, bend that leg, brother. Bend that leg!

(congregants gasping) Praise Jesus.

Hallelujah, hallelujah. Praise Jesus.

(crowd clapping) (upbeat music)

Hallelujah, praise Jesus.

- Praise Jesus, everyone!

♪ Jesus, (indistinct) ♪

♪ Oh rock me, Lord, rock me, Lord ♪

Praise Jesus, everyone!

♪ I said, I found ♪

♪ Yeah, I found, yeah ♪

(singers singing indistinctly)

♪ I wanna piece, I want it I

♪ And it won't be very long ♪

♪ You're gonna look for me ♪

♪ And I'll be gone ♪

♪ Now when I get to Heaven ♪

♪ I'm going sing and shout ♪

♪ Ain't nobody there gonna put me out ♪

- Brothers and sisters, (indistinct) crusades

is going day by day.

As you can see, we've got Sister Oma here and the Clarions.

We've got Brother Dwayne and the Dwayneaires

have joined us, but I must tell you,

we simply cannot afford this kind

of high quality entertainment without your support.

So I'm gonna ask you for your paper,

and I'm not talking about the morning paper.

I'm talking about folding money and checks if you please.

One, two, three, four, five,

let's make it $100 and a half here. (chuckling)

Too bad I can't have you back again

to heal you tomorrow night or the next.

There's so many of my flock come back night after night.

It'd be taking too big of a chance.

- [Sheldon] You ever do any real healing, Bud?

- Hell, it's all real. I healed you, didn't I?

You was broke. Now you got money, ain't you? (laughing)

- No, wait a minute, wait a minute.

I mean, have you ever done any healing

where there ain't no money involved?

- Yep, it happened tonight. - Yeah?

- You see that old woman come up right before you did,

with the withered arm? - Yeah.

How much you pay her? - Nothing.

I didn't pay her nothing. That's my point.

But that withered arm moved, I swear to God it did.

I mean, she raised it right up above her head,

just like I'm doing right now.

Well, you was there, you saw it, and I know that woman.

She's been coming to every meeting I've had here

in the last three years.

That's a real withered arm,

and that is the first time it's ever moved.

- Jesus. - Yeah.

That's the mystery of it.

The law of nature at work there somewhere.

- Well, next time you pray to the Lord,

you tell him that I didn't like to be fooling with him,

but I just sure need the money.

- Do you believe in anything, Sheldon?

- (grunts) Not much. Me.

(distant train horn bellowing)

About half. How about you? (gentle music)

- Well, I kinda go along with that fella that said,

"Everybody oughta believe in something."

I believe I'll have another drink.

(both laughing)

(sighs) Ain't it a bitch?

(upbeat music)

(people speaking indistinctly)

- You still believe in them things?

- What? - UFOs,

unified flying objects. - Unidentified.

- Whatever, flying saucers. - Yes, I do.

I believe that's how Jesus came to earth in a flying saucer.

- Jesus? - Mm-hm.

- [Naomi] Oh, you crazy.

- That's how he ascended again into heaven.

And Adam and Eve were astronauts.

- Oh, (laughing) baby, you got it bad.

Don't look now.

There's a man checking you out from the parking lot.

(bright country music) - What man?

- [Naomi] That grease ball out there in the convertible.

You know he ain't peeping at me.

♪ Mm-Mm, I gotta keep my head above the water ♪

♪ Lord, my river's running fast and deep ♪

♪ All you mothers hide your daughters ♪

♪ 'Cause yeah, I'm feeling crazy with the heat ♪

♪ Yeah, today I'm feeling crazy with the heat ♪

(dog barking)

- (indistinct) I'll be right there.

Come on. Come on. I'll be right there. I'm comin'.

(Arlene screams) - Take it easy, Arlene.

- What do you want? (dog barking)

- [Sheldon] Just wanna talk to you, Arlene.

- Well, I don't want to talk to you.

- Hey, I didn't mean to scare ya.

- You, you blasphemer! (dog barking)

Farina, would you shut up, please, please?

- Just thought you might want to have a drink with me.

- I've been born again. I don't drink anymore.

(gentle piano music) ♪ Well, I'm stoned again ♪

♪ Alone again ♪

♪ Not even close to home again ♪

♪ And it looks like I'll be lonely ♪

- No, no, no, do it like I showed you.

It looks like you're drinking cocktails.

- I always get the lime and the salt thing mixed up.

- A little salt like that.

And some lime.

♪ Just like a man is supposed to be ♪

♪ When a lady said she wanted me ♪

Sunny days and starry nights. (glasses clinking)

(Sheldon exhales)

- Oh, that's good.

♪ The kind that makes you satisfied ♪

♪ Well, love, sometimes love is half life ♪

♪ 'Cause you left me cold ♪

♪ Well, I'm stoned again ♪

♪ Alone again ♪

♪ Not even close to home again ♪

♪ And it looks like I... ♪

- (laughs) I had it tied in a little knot there. (laughs)

I'll just pull it down (indistinct).

Would you excuse me for a moment

while I go to the ladies' room?

- Sure, just don't be gone too long.

- Oh, no, I won't.

♪ And it feels like I'm ready to die ♪

(door creaking) (people chatting indistinctly)

(stall door clattering)

- Dear Jesus, I'm so sorry to be drinking.

I don't mean to be weak,

it's just that I get so lonely sitting at home.

Jesus, oh! (head bangs)

(Arlene blowing) (Arlene groans)

(dog barking)

Oh, you're just, you just must be the devil

taking me over like this.

Oh, Farina, would you shut up, please. Oh, oh!

Take me away. Take me away. Please, take me away.

(gentle music)

Do you feel guilty?

- What'd I do? - I love Jesus,

and I feel guilty. (sobbing)

- Horse shit. (can clatters)

(Arlene whimpering) (lighter clicks)

(Sheldon exhales)

- It's okay. - No, I don't smoke.

- No, I mean, it's all okay.

- I was just trying to have a good time, that's all.

- You just did. Didn't you notice?

If you don't stop crying, I'm gonna get up and leave.

- Well, go ahead. You got what you wanted.

- Not quite. I want some sleep too. (sighs)

- Sheldon? - Hm?

- Would you promise me something?

Just don't go to sleep till I do, okay?

- (sighs) Oh, I'm beat. I've been sleeping in my car.

- Yeah, well, I have this little problem, see,

where I have to talk for a while before I can fall asleep.

- Well, what do you do when there's nobody here?

- Oh, I read out loud or I talk to the dog.

- Talk to the dog then. I'm wore out.

- I'm gonna go to Hell, the promises I broke tonight.

- There ain't no Heaven and there ain't no Hell.

- No, you would say that.

I don't know how you could do what you did,

pretending to be crippled and all.

You're just horrible.

- (sighs) I better go. - No, wait a minute.

I'm sorry. You just got me all confused.

You're the kind of man I,

I try to keep outta my thoughts, my dreams.

- If I was you, I'd work on keeping me outta your pants.

(gentle music)

- Do you believe in flying saucers?

- We were on our way back from Mexico,

just driving along on our camper

when we came up over this little rise.

And all of a sudden, there this thing was,

just hovering right above the high tension lines

off to the side of the road there.

- This was on what road?

- 74. - Right.

Now, Celia and I always get up early in the morning

when we're on the road.

I mean, I've always been an early riser, you see.

- I always get up and fix your coffee first, dear.

- I know.

Anyway, we come up over this rise,

and there this thing is hovering just like a helicopter.

So, we slowed down, and pretty soon,

it starts coming towards us.

We didn't know what to do. We just sat there looking at it.

- We were mesmerized, I think, Sheriff,

and not a little frightened.

(gentle guitar music)

- Dear God or gods of the universe,

give us the strength to raise this child

as he should be raised and keep him free of all the evils

and confusions of the world around us.

(baby crying)

- Toby, I wanna hold him.

- Here you go. It's all right.

Here's your mommy, sweetheart. Oh, there you go.

Oh yeah, you did so good. - So did you.

- Well, it was a smooth delivery.

- (laughing) Nature works. - Really.

He's hungry. (baby grunting)

- Toby, I wish you could feel how that feels.

- I know how it feels. - You do? How could you?

- One time on acid, I was my own mother.

I sucked my own breast.

I was mother and son at the same time.

- Wow. - Yeah.

He's gonna have a beautiful life.

- You are gonna have a beautiful life,

aren't you Christian Jesus?

Toby, do you think that's too heavy a name,

Christian Jesus?

- No, I think it's perfect.

- 1 do too.

(baby grunting and crying)

- I'm gonna clean up, get rid of this water.

(mother vocalizing)

(goat bleating)

(insects chirping)

(gentle music)

- [Newscaster] Are you familiar with the effects of LSD?

- No. - What about marijuana?

- [Guest] Just read about that. We don't...

- No, certainly not. - No.

- So you both really consider yourselves

just ordinary, upstanding citizens, do you?

- Well, I'd like to think that, yeah.

- Well, I guess so.

- You have never been involved with the law before today,

I take it. - Of course not.

- [Newscaster] So would you say that you were hypnotized

by these beings? - Almost.

It was as if we, we didn't have any willpower.

You see- - My God, Gregory,

they didn't have no willpower. - Let's eat.

- And we just started walking towards them.

- Were you afraid?

- Arlene at work tells me all the time

about this kind of stuff, and there itison TV.

- [Gregory] Arlene's crazy. I done told you that.

- [Naomi] Well, that's what I always say,

but these two, they seem sincere.

- Yeah. - A soft, beautiful, glow.

- There ain't no such thing as sincere White folks.

Don't you know that by now?

- I like to think the best out of people.

- It's a good way to get yourself hurt

or maybe lose your wallet. (both laugh)

- [Newscaster] How much time would you imagine you spent

actually on board the craft?

- Emile, come here. - Yes, sir.

- Look at this on the news.

These two say they went on a spaceship.

I'll make a sermon outta that.

- Well, spaceships in the Bible.

- [Newscaster] But you are still absolutely convinced

that you sighted this thing in the desert?

- Well, somewhere. - Absolutely.

- Your ass is out, Emile.

- ...as we're sitting here. - Absolutely.

- [Newscaster] What do you think was their purpose?

- Ezekiel, Ezekiel saw the wheel a'turning

way in the middle of the air. - [Guest] ...all my life.

I don't know what about people's purpose?

- [Newscaster] Well, are you religious people?

- Yes. - We are now.

- [Emile] Praise Jesus.

- [Newscaster] There are cases, you know,

of two people having the same hallucination.

- [Guest] And they were scanning us, I guess,

taking measurements and readings.

- [Newscaster] And so you were frightened.

- [Guest] At first, I was frightened.

Wouldn't you be frightened? - I was terrified.

- Oh, I'm glad you're home! - What's wrong?

You look like you've seen a bear.

- Oh, on the television, just now on the news.

These two people, they took 'em on board

and measured them and everything.

Oh, I just knew it, just knew it.

Where's that whiskey you bought?

- Damn, must be something big. Pour me one too.

- I knew I was right, Sheldon, I knew it.

A spaceship came. - Here?

- No, not here, out on the desert. They measured them.

- What were you watching,

a movie about tailors from outer space?

- No, no, they scanned them with this machine

like they have at the airport.

Oh, I just knew it, I knew it.

(glasses clink) - Arlene, sit down.

I've got something important to tell you. I'm leaving.

- Why, Sheldon, what did I do? - Nothing.

Oh, I gotta get something going.

I need some money. Can't live on thin air.

- I've got money. You can stay here, find a job.

I thought we were having fun together.

- I am, but I don't take money from women.

I could scare something off a Brother Bud maybe,

but the way you feel about him,

I'd never hear the end of it.

- Don't you ever just work at a regular job,

like at a factory or something?

- I've worked at factories before, but

ain't exactly, you know, what I see myself at.

- Well, Sheldon, what do you see yourself doing?

- Ah, that's a tough one.

Moving, gettin' by.

- But if you keep moving.

- Well maybe I'll catch up with ya. I gotta catch me.

- And a steady woman?

- Don't you have any easy questions in there?

- Please stay, Sheldon, please.

- [Bud] Need any help with that there, Roy?

- [Roy] Nah, I got it covered.

- [Bud] Okay, anchors away. Hey, here he is, praise Jesus.

- [Sheldon] So, so is that the boy you want me to meet?

- [Bud] Yeah. (water splashing)

- Want your Coke? - Yeah.

- [Bud] Well-endowed lady there. Got a few miles on her.

What the hell, we have too. (both chuckling)

Oh, Sheldon, I want you to meet Brother Roy here.

- Praise Jesus. - Nice to meet you.

- Brother Roy has got a little deal going here

we've been talking about.

I figured you might be able to pick up a nickel or two.

- Doing what? - Driving cars.

- See, Brother Roy's picked up a few cars over in Nevada

at a reasonable price, and he figured he might try

to get 'em over here before we leave town. (chuckles)

Might all make a little profit for ourselves.

- See, I need several drivers.

You'd just go over there and pick 'em up.

I figure you can drive one and tow one.

- How many cars you got? - I reckon about eight or 10.

- Well, I've got a license to drive a rig.

Why don't we just lease a carrier,

and I can just truck 'em all over here in one trip?

- Hey, what do you say? - I see no problem in that.

- These all legal cars? You got pink slips for 'em all?

- Brother Roy? - Mm-hm.

Pink slips, the whole works, guarantee it.

- [Bud] Legal as drinking water. (laughing)

- You got my word on it.

- Well, let's talk money.

- $1. - Mom, look,

he's opening up that can,

and you said not until after we have lunch.

- Oh, shut up you, you queer, I can too.

- Henry, leave that alone, dammit. Oh look what you did.

- Arlene, honey, what's the price on these Sugar Delights?

- Ah, they're on special, $1. - $1.

- [Child] Mom, Henry's eating the candy off the floor.

- Henry, now you mind!

(indistinct) your feet down your throat.

- Queer. - $3.29.

- Oh, those corn dogs are $3.29? Oh God, I don't want 'em.

Debbie, dear, take these back. They're too expensive

- But Mom, I wanted corn dogs for lunch.

- [Naomi] That'll be $71, honey, $71 even.

- You know, you should give up meat.

- I guess one of these days we're gonna have to.

- If you gave up meat and this white bread

and all this sugar and stuff,

you and your children wouldn't be so fat.

Like, I have a garden, and we raise all our own vegetables,

and we just eat vegetables and little fruit and nuts.

You're gonna die of a heart attack someday.

So are your children. - Who is this kid?

- You got me, honey. He's new.

- Listen, kid, it's a free country,

and if I wanna be fat, then I damn well will be fat.

- I'm sorry, but it's the truth.

- Well, who the hell asked you for the truth? Come on.

(bright music)

(truck rumbling)

(truck horn honking) - Move it or lose it, lady!

- Where'd you get this thing? - Stole it. (laughing)

Emile, this is Arlene.

- How do you do? - Pleased to meet you.

- Sheldon, what are you doing?

- Going to Vegas. Got a piece of work to do.

- Oh, are you coming back?

- Oh yeah, I'll be back in a couple days.

Gotta pick up some automobiles.

- Are you sure you can drive one of these things?

- Drive it? (upbeat music)

Honey, I can push this rig up a goat's ass,

make a U-turn and come out smelling like a rose.

(truck horn honking) (upbeat country music)

♪ I got daylight in the west ♪

♪ I got moonshine in a jar ♪

♪ I got money in my pocket I

- [Radio Personality] Please send me a Chinese Bible

and help me.

- Don't you get enough of that, Emile? Christ.

(upbeat country music)

♪ But before I reach my freedom ♪

♪ I gotta outrun the... ♪

Let's have a beer, Emile. It'll do you some good.

- No thank you.

See, it's against my principles.

- I want you to tell me about your principles, Emile.

Well, I don't think I've ever met nobody

that had any. (laughing)

- You, you'd just laugh.

- Let me ask you a question.

Now you know that Brother Bud,

he don't believe in that stuff.

How can you go along with it, huh?

- Brother Bud, he don't have to believe

in order to do a lot of good for people, see?

And for God, light can shine through any window.

That's, that's just what I believe, you know?

- Yeah? Where you from?

- Oklahoma.

- No wonder you turned to Jesus.

You know what I believe, Emile?

- No. - Nothing.

I believe I got the God-given right to believe in nothing,

take no shit from nobody.

A man wants to beat my ass, hell let him try.

It's been done before. It'll be done again.

Let's go out back. (chuckles) That's the way I see it.

That don't make me king,

but it sure as hell won't get me to Heaven.

But I'll tell you, Emile, I don't get down on my knees

unless somebody puts me there.

♪ I got you, drunk blues ♪

(gentle country music) (cart rattling)

- [Toby] You look tired today.

- I didn't sleep at all last night.

I kept having the strangest dreams,

especially this one dream.

Listen, had me up all night long.

- [Toby] You should meditate.

If you meditated, you wouldn't dream,

and you wouldn't be so nervous.

- Well hello, Colonel. - Hello, miss. How are you?

- Oh, I'm okay. How are you, Colonel?

- Just wonderful. Every day is wonderful when you're alive.

Don't you think so, young man?

- Oh yes. I try to make every day-

- You don't have to cry, young man.

Crying has nothing to do with it.

You just keep your chin up and keep marching.

- That's $11.70, Colonel. (cart rattling)

Anyway, let me tell you about this dream.

This white light- - Oh, speaking of dreams,

you know the first time

I realized I had gotten old? - No.

- The night I laid down to sleep

and was reviewing my dreams just for pleasure.

And as I reviewed my dreams, one by one,

I suddenly realized that all my dreams were just memories.

(gentle music) (clock ticking)

(indistinct radio transmission)

(officers speaking indistinctly)

- This dream was so real, Toby.

This white light came down into my bedroom.

- Ah, the white light.

- And it was soft and fluorescent like, and it woke me up.

Well, no, no, it didn't wake me up, because I was dreaming.

I woke up afterwards.

- Wait a minute, maybe it did wake you up.

Maybe it wasn't a dream. Maybe it was real.

- Don't scare me. I was dreaming. I woke up afterwards.

(distant horn honking)

It spoke to me.

- The light? - Yes, in my dream.

- What did it say?

- Do you believe in flying saucers?

- I believe in everything. - How do you do that?

- I empty my mind of all notions of knowing-

- Oh Toby, there's a spaceship coming,

and it's gonna be like Noah's Ark, and I'm gonna be Noah.

- That's what you learned in your dream?

- Yes.

- When's it coming? - It didn't say.

- [Toby] Well, what are you supposed to do?

- I'm supposed to tell everybody

to get ready for it when it comes.

- I knew it! - You did?

- When I was looking for a job,

I was gonna go across to the Speedy Drug and Discount,

and at the last minute, I felt this pull

over to Sales Right. (gentle music)

- What are these pills anyway? - LA turnarounds.

- Hi, Arlene. - What are LA turnarounds?

Hello, Emile. - Go faster pills.

Hell, I haven't slept since I left.

What's all this about Noah's Ark.

- Oh, Sheldon, could I talk to you in private please?

I'm just so full of everything. I have to speak to you.

- I'll tell you what you're full of.

- Please, I wanna talk to you. I wanna talk to you alone.

Come on, please. (laughing) Stop it, you're tickling me.

Come in the house now. Come on, please.

- You wouldn't wanna run that all by me again now would you?

- I know it's a little hard to accept.

- Hard to accept? No!

Now what makes you think that? (laughs)

Noah's Ark, why hell, I have dreams like that all the time.

Everybody does. Get the net boys.

- Don't make fun of me, please. Don't make fun of this.

You don't have to believe any of it.

I, I wouldn't expect you to, but don't do that.

It's gonna be hard enough on me.

Please, don't make it worse.

- Look, I got these cars out there, and I,

well, I gotta get 'em down to Bud's tent.

And I'll be back, maybe 9:00 or 10:00.

(door creaks)

- All right. I gotta one, gimme a quarter.

I gotta one, gimme a quarter, gimme a quarter.

I gotta one, gimme a quarter.

I gotta one, gimme a quarter, gotta quarter, gimme a half.

Who'll give a half hug, who'll gimme a half.

I got a quarter, gimme a half.

Gotta half, who'll bid 75, Gimme 75, 75, 75.

Gotta half, gimme 75. I gotta half, gimme 75.

Who's gonna gimme 75? Who's gonna gimme 75?

Friends, the proceeds go to Jesus.

If he told you to drive that old wreck you come here in,

he would've give you a lifetime guarantee on it

like you done on your heart. (laughing)

All right, who's gonna gimme 75 for this?

- Gotta 75. - Hallelujah!

Now you're talking.

Brother Roy, how many miles on this car?

- 20,000. - 20,000 miles.

Friends, this is ridiculous. This is a beautiful car.

It's a Cadillac car for God's sake.

It's made in America by Americans.

All right, I gotta 75, who'll gimme two?

75, gimme two, gimme a two. Gofta 75, gimme a two.

- Flying saucers, damn!

- [Bud] I'll tell ya what I'm gonna do.

If nobody wants it for $1200...

- That' girl's crazy.

- [Wife] We're not gonna talk about it anymore.

- [Husband] Even our friends are making fun of us.

- [Wife] We tried to be honest, and it's impossible, but-

- [Husband] No buts.

- [Wife] People drive by from their cars.

They look at us and point at our house.

- [Husband] That telephone hasn't stopped ringing

since it happened.

- [Wife] We have been made to look like fools.

- [Arlene] Wait a minute, wait a minute. I believe you.

I know it's true.

I've had dreams about a spaceship landing,

and I know it's real.

It looked just like the one you described on television.

(guns blasting) (dog barking)

(dramatic music) - Come on, fella, come on.

Get that son-of-a-bitch. (horse hooves clomping)

Come on, you can do better than that, come on!

(dog barking) Shut up!

(dramatic music continues)

(gun blasting)

- I'm gonna tell you where I was,

who I was with, and what happened,

and then I'm gonna go to bed.

I'm in no condition to argue about any of it.

- If you've been with another guy, Arlene,

we're gonna do worse than argue about it.

I've been sitting here since 9:00.

- I went to see those two people

that I tried to tell you about before

that were on television.

Sheldon, they have actually been onto a flying saucer

right out here in the desert.

- Arlene, now you can talk to me all night long

and all day tomorrow and on into next week,

but there's some shit I'll just never swallow.

- But Sheldon, they told me all about it!

- If you don't stop believing

in things that that can't be proved in black and white,

you're gonna get yourself hurt.

You're gonna, you're gonna crack up

or somebody's gonna take advantage of ya.

That's the biggest fact on earth.

When I was a kid, I believed in everything,

and I've got the scars to prove it,

on my body and in my mind.

- But Sheldon, it's true. - And something else.

If you didn't keep looking up there,

you know, for stuff to make you happy,

you might get up the nerve

to have just a little bit of fun right here on earth.

- I have fun. - Yeah, since I come along.

But what about before, huh?

I bought you a bottle of beer once,

and you didn't know which end to open up.

- It was a can, and it had one of those new tab things

on it nobody could open.

- Yeah, and you hadn't been with a man in so long,

it took a damn chainsaw to get your pants off.

- (laughs) No, I, I was drunk and my zipper stuck.

- Stuck hell, it was rusted shut.

- Oh, stop.

- And I've never seen nobody so scared and lonely.

- I did. - Who?

- You. - I ain't scared of nothing.

- No, I meant lonely. Scared of some things too.

- Name it. - Oh no.

No, you'll just get mad at me if I bring that up again.

- You're right, Arlene.

In fact, I'm gonna tell you something, and it's a promise.

You bring up spaceships to me one more time,

or the Bible or Jesus Christ, for that matter,

and I'm gonna be gone.

And when this boy gets gone, he don't come back.

(bright music)

- Come on Farina.

(dog barking) - Where're you going?

- I'm gonna take the dog for a walk.

(dog whining)

- Dog could walk better with its feet on the ground.

- Dear God, it doesn't seem fair,

or else I don't understand.

You're sending me these dreams,

but it seems as though you also sent me this man.

Oh, what a terrible test.

I know it's punishment for my drinking and sex...

♪ That's what happens when two worlds collide ♪

(Arlene speaking indistinctly)

- It's real nice of you to help me, Emile.

- Oh, that's okay. - Now what do I do?

- Well here, stand here about even there.

(car engine rumbling)

- [Both] One, two, three.

- Oh, oh! - Jesus.

- Oh, I'm sorry. - That's all right, honey.

- Hey, Bud. You preaching tonight?

(balls clacking) - [Sheldon] Break 'em up.

- Did you ever hear the one about the fox

crossing the railroad track? - Nope.

- [Bud] Old fox scoots across the railroad track,

just in front of the train, but he's not quite quick enough.

The engine comes along, runs over his tail

and cuts the end of it clean off.

(balls clacking)

So the fox turns around real quick to see what hit his tail,

and just then, the caboose comes along,

cuts his head clean off. (balls clacking)

Now you know the moral of that story?

- What?

- Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.

(patrons laughing)

- Ain't my head I'm worried about.

I mean, how'd you like to be sleeping with a woman

who says she's gonna lead a bunch of people

into outer space?

- Oh well, if she's that crazy, just cut her loose.

- I ain't tired of her yet.

- Now watch out for that train, Brer Fox.

- Maybe I can get her to a psychiatrist or something.

- You can't trust a shrink.

He'll charge you $50 an hour and end up poking her hisself.

- How is it every woman I ever meet's either too young,

too old, drunk, crazy, or outta my reach?

- Well, what are you gonna do, hoss?

(coin clangs)

- Well, guess I just cut her loose.

(gentle piano music)

♪ Break it to me gently ♪

♪ Let me down the easy way ♪

♪ Make me feel that you still love me

- $1.58. (buttons beeping)

♪ Ifit's just, if it's just for one more day ♪

$91, even. - $917?

- Dollars? - I'm sorry,

I just push the buttons. - 20, 40, 50, 71.

- Thank you very much.

Hi, Sheldon. - Darling.

- I'll pay for that gladly. - I pay for my own things.

- Oh, okay. Um, I'll be off in 15 minutes.

- That's okay, I um...

Look, Arlene-

- You got something to do. You won't be home for supper?

- Yeah, I've got something to do. I...

Look, Arlene, I've been thinking about...

Those things you've been telling me about.

- You're leaving.

- No.

- (sighs) I was so scared.

For a minute there I had a flash

you were about to say goodbye.

- Oh hell no, I was just thinking that,

you know, maybe we ought to talk some more, I...

Hey, have you read this one?

Someone I heard said this is just one hell of a book

about all that crap. - Oh yeah, I read that one.

There's not too many good pictures in it though.

(bright music) (Arlene laughs)

♪ Well it's the same old song ♪

♪ Boy meets girl ♪

♪ Girl meets boy, they carry on ♪

♪ They close their eyes and kiss and tell ♪

♪ The world is gone, oh yes, it's true ♪

♪ It's happening to you ♪

- How about Burger King? - Oh, I don't care.

I don't care, Sheldon.

I'm just so happy that you don't think I'm crazy anymore.

You know, Sheldon, sometimes I do wonder myself,

but if you don't think I am,

well, I'm not gonna worry about it.

- You want to go to Denny's? - I think tonight

for the first time, I am not gonna be afraid to go to sleep.

In fact, I know I'm not.

- How about some Kentucky fried chicken?

- I just feel so relaxed.

I feel, I feel like the air

is just walking in through my skin,

and all the doors on my pores are open,

and everything inside of me is just walking around.

- I'm starved, Arlene, how about some pizza?

- Okay, pizza, all right.

I've always been afraid of the nighttime sky.

It's so huge, and the distance between us and the stars

is so scary to me.

Even though I read all those things

all the time about space,

I've always been afraid of the sky.

I'm even afraid of heights and falling in my dreams.

I read someplace that's sexual, fear of feeling high.

But you changed all that for me, Sheldon.

I don't think I could ever think about any of that

being, you know, wrong or sinful again.

I would just like to float through the sky

with you tonight and not have any clothes on.

And I don't know if it rains in space or not,

but it ought to be raining, warm rain and starlight.

And you know the way the rain streaks on your windshield

when you drive through it fast

and the headlights from other cars makes it sparkle?

I could feel like wet glass, and I know you would too.

- You're getting me going, little Arlene.

It's making it kind of hard to eat this pizza.

- Let's go to the desert, Sheldon.

I have to go to the desert tonight.

(Sheldon crunching) (gentle music)

Oh my!

Sheldon, Sheldon, wake up.

Wake up Sheldon. Wake up right now. Wake up.

Wake up. Look, right there.

That's where it's gonna come down.

- What? - The spaceship.

That's where it's gonna land.

Oh, Sheldon, it is, right there. Get up.

Sheldon, Sheldon, don't be afraid of it.

- Afraid I need some more sleep, Arlene.

- Sheldon, Sheldon, will you help me?

- I'll help you get to outer space without a rocket.

- No, no, will you help me convince people

they gotta be ready for it when it comes?

Oh, Sheldon, it is gonna come.

(gentle music) It is coming.

(tea burbling) (ice clanking)

- Thank you, Sheldon.

- You got a beer? - Are we celebrating

someone's birthday here today?

- Ah, Colonel, I didn't have any prune juice,

but- (horn honking)

(door bangs) - I'll get that.

It's probably for me. Somebody's bringing me something.

- Sorry, but there's some grape fruit juice.

- Hi, Sheldon. - Hi, Emile.

- How you doing? - All right.

- Oh, Brother Bud says I'm to give you this.

- Thank you. (envelope rustling)

- I think it's the, the money, you know,

from hauling them cars. - Yeah, that's it.

(Arlene speaking indistinctly)

- Having a party, are you Sheldon?

- (laughs) Yeah.

Hey, come on in here, Emile.

I think you might get along with this bunch real fine.

- There are very important things happening

in the world today, and- - Everybody, this is Emile.

Emile's my buddy.

Emile believes in spaceships, don't you Emile?

- Well, there's spaceships in the Bible.

- Hello, Emile. - Hi, Arlene.

- Arlene, there you go.

Gang's all here.

- Well, like I said, this is very difficult for me,

but it's very real, all of it is very real,

and my dreams are very real too.

And Emile did just say that they are in the Bible, and well,

there's a spaceship coming.

- You ain't the best at public speaking, Arlene.

I mean, if you wanna, if you wanna turn people on,

if you wanna sell 'em something, you gotta have some style.

- I'm not selling anything. I'm not entertaining people.

I'm trying to deliver the most important message

in the world right now. - Yeah, but you know,

you stuttered and stammered around there so long

till I damn near fell asleep. (laughs)

In fact, I think the old colonel

was sleeping there for a while.

- Well he's 78 years old.

- Yeah, but you still gotta get yourself together.

You wanna get others...

(playful music) What?

- You're right, Sheldon, you're right.

In one of my dreams, I was wearing this long dress

like a beautiful shining robe,

and so were you.

(playful musi us - Me? ©)

- Yes, we both had these long robes on,

and we were talking to all these people, a large gathering.

(gentle music)

Oh Sheldon, you look so handsome in your robe.

- Your ass is out. - What?

- I can't wear this thing. - Don't be silly.

- Why don't you gimme some high heeled sneakers too

and some goddamn lipstick.

- Oh, Sheldon, don't take it off!

- I can't wear it. - Well now Sheldon,

I'm gonna be the only one wearing a robe.

- Well, you look pretty in it.

How'd you get us involved in this freak show anyway?

- Well, Toby said it was a good place to start.

- [Newscaster] Continuing our report on the cults

and crazies of California tonight, Didi,

we have some film taken at a local conference today.

The conference was on solutions for the future

or (chuckles) so it was billed anyway.

In fact, it was a bizarre collection

of the far out and the fantastic, moderated only slightly

by some practical ideas here and there.

- [Speaker] Demonstrate the type of thing

you can do with...

- [Speaker] Can I show you something that's more efficient

than a peanut butter sandwich

and doesn't stick to the roof of your mouth?

- [Speaker] The pyramid shape

is the oldest shape on the earth.

- [Newscaster] And not the least interesting event

we filmed involved Arlene Stewart.

- Arlene Stewart, Sheldon's girl. I'll be damned.

- And in my mind, there is no doubt,

I'm very, very sincere about this.

I know it sounds funny, but please believe me,

there's a spaceship coming.

It's going to come down and land,

and anyone who would believe-

- Believe? Oh lady, I believe one thing.

We're all gonna die. That's about it.

- Oh no, some people believe other things too,

and they have a right to believe those things.

- Yeah, but they don't have a right

to stand at the microphone

and tell me a flying saucer's coming,

'cause I don't believe it. - Hey buddy, lay off her.

If you don't believe her, that's your problem.

So give her a break, or I'm gonna come down there

and give you one, okay, huh?

You just shut your mouth.

See, she could be making up all this stuff

and telling you the exact time and the place

and the day of the week and the exact spot

and the minute's gonna come down, (chuckles)

and half you crazies be biting each other's noses off

to get first in line to buy tickets, wouldn't you, huh?

- Go get 'em, Sheldon. - Just hold onto your wallets.

This woman is not trying to sell you anything.

And I'll tell you a little secret.

I don't believe in spaceships,

and I don't believe in your swami over here,

and I don't believe in any of this crap I've heard tonight.

I think you're all nuts, but,

but I believe in her, and I know her better than anybody.

And if she says y'all going to hell in a Dodge pickup truck,

well you might as well meet in the parking lot

in a half an hour,

'cause this lady don't lie about anything.

So if any of you here don't believe her, to hell with ya.

She ain't interested.

Come on, Arlene.

- I don't believe this.

How the hell did they get on TV?

- I just got mad at 'em giving you a hard time.

- Arlene, Sheldon,

there's a lot of people waiting for you to come out.

They want to ask you some questions.

They're really interested. - They are?

- Come on. (footsteps pattering)

You were so good. You were so sincere.

(crowd clapping and whistling)

(Arlene speaking indistinctly)

(upbeat country music)

♪ Hollywood, get ready for a brand new style like me ♪

♪ Ain't all that big headed ♪

♪ But I knew I'd always be living in the limelight ♪

♪ Waving at the fans from the back of my black limousine ♪

- Waylon, no ma'am.

What I like to think is Waylon looks like me.

♪ Hollywood, get ready ♪

♪ For a singing country fool ♪

- I think you could take it in

just a little bit on the sides there.

♪ Standing in the spotlight ♪

♪ Lovin' every minute of the crowd that's a-lovin' me ♪

♪ Like it in the spotlight ♪

That's just gorgeous on you. - Thanks.

- Are you a performer?

I know I've seen you somewhere.

- Well, I've been on TV some.

♪ Hollywood, get ready ♪

- It's Sheldon I'm worried about.

I think it kind of went to his head,

you know, that people liked him and all.

He's gone from not believing in any of this

to being real enthusiastic

and wanting to hold rallies everywhere.

- Well, it's just his ego is inundated

with all this positive energy.

- Yeah, being on TV ain't no big thing to me.

- (laughing) It ain't no big thing, huh?

Is that why you're buying all these pretty clothes

and everything back here, huh?

- Oh, I just need 'em, Bud, how come on.

What'd you wanna see me about?

- Well, I just want to tell you how impressed I was

the way you handled yourself on that TV show.

I mean it, buddy, I mean you was good.

I thought at first you was a little too hard

on 'em there at once, but Emile tells me

that they're crazy about you

and said you even converted a half a dozen of 'em.

- (chuckling) Yeah, we got a couple of 'em.

- You know, you get a bunch of people

who think they're going off on a spaceship somewheres

and not coming back, they might be willing

to leave an awful lot of earthly possessions behind.

Hey, I'm talking houses and cars

and cash in the savings account.

You get that stuff signed over to you,

I mean that's fat city, buddy.

- (laughs) Yeah, but what happens when old doohickey

don't show up, and everybody wants their stuff back?

- Well you're in Mexico then, honey,

(laughs) with a lifetime supply of senoritas

mixing up tacos and margaritas, comprende, huh? (laughs)

Hell, I got quite a few friends down in Mexico.

- I can't let you in on this deal.

I'd like to, but you and Arlene would never mix.

(people speaking indistinctly) (phone ringing)

- Oh, I might. I just might.

Ms. Reckin, I'm a little early.

- Oh, that's all right, Reverend Sanders.

If you'll just step into my office,

I'll be with you in just a moment.

- Now, Sheldon, you know that mountaintop land

up in the desert where you told me Arlene said

this spaceship is supposed to come down and land?

- (scoffs) Yeah. - Well, Sheldon,

I think I got some good news for us.

Turns out I know the fellow that owns that land.

- You do? - Yep.

He was gonna build some vacation homes

up there sometime back,

little prefab A-frame jobs, you know,

even cut a road in up there, but then he went broke.

So, I figured if I gotta get an option

on that land pretty cheap for next to nothing, in fact,

say a one-year option. - Yeah, so?

- So, excuse me, I done it.

- You optioned that mountaintop?

- Yep, just as if it was my own.

Didn't cost me hardly nothing,

but still it's just as if I own it.

Carpe diem, Sheldon, carpe diem.

You know what that means? - Uh-uh.

- It's Latin. It means, "Seize the day."

- Seize the day.

(bright organ music) (singers vocalizing)

(upbeat music) (singers vocalizing)

♪ Wheels and the wheels and the wheels turnin' ♪

♪ Way up in the middle of the air ♪

♪ Wheelin', a-wheelin', a-wheelin' turning ♪

♪ Way up in the middle of the air ♪

♪ Wheelin', a-wheelin', a-wheelin' turning ♪

♪ Way up in the middle of the air ♪

(tambourine clanging)

♪ Wheelin', a-wheelin', a-wheelin' turning ♪

♪ Way up in the middle of the air ♪

(singer singing indistinctly)

♪ Way up in the middle of the air ♪

(singer singing indistinctly)

♪ Way up in the middle of the air ♪

(singers singing indistinctly)

- Carpe diem, Sheldon, carpe diem, seize the day.

JWayup Js

♪ Way up in the middle of, in the middle of ♪

♪ Of the air ♪ (bright organ music)

♪ Yeah, in the middle of the air ♪

(crowd clapping) - [Bud] All right. All right.

Let's hear it for Sister Oma and the Clarions.

(crowd cheering) All right.

Brother Dwayne and the Dwayneairs.

(crowd clapping) Woo, all right!

Now friends, most of us out,

most all of us know that spaceship is coming.

We know it's coming. Is that real? Let me hear.

Do we know it's coming? (crowd clapping and cheering)

Amen. We know it's coming.

- Thank you. I appreciate it.

Well that's okay, Arlene baby, just relax.

Let me talk to these nice folks.

Hey, how y'all doing tonight? Hey!

Everything all right, buddy? You feeling okay?

- I'm feeling just fine. How are you feeling?

- Not you, Emile, I'm rehearsing.

- Oh, I thought you was... Well, come on, Sheldon.

Arlene's about ready to go on the stage.

She asked me to come get you. (crowd cheering and clapping)

- Amen. I'm gonna bring you some more volume here.

And now, in just a minute,

I'm gonna bring out here the person

you've all been waiting to hear from,

the person who has been visited

by the miracle of prophecy and vision,

the woman who is in direct communication

with our friends from outer space, amen.

(bright music) (crowd cheering and clapping)

Now before I bring out Arlene

and her special friend, Sheldon,

well I have to mention that,

well it takes a whole bunch of money

to put on a rally like this

and all the rallies that are to come.

- What's he talking about?

I don't want him collecting money.

- [Bud] Now those of you that are the most generous with us-

- Arlene, don't go out there. Wait, wait a second.

- I don't want him collecting money.

- Just stay right here. - ...will be the first

to be considered for this pioneering trip into space,

the first to fly away! (crowd clapping)

All right, now pass out those plates, guys.

Hurry up, hurry up.

(people speaking indistinctly) (bright organ music)

And here she is, the high priestess of space-

- All right, you guys just stop that.

- Let's hear it for Arlene and her special friend, Sheldon.

- Don't anybody fill out a pledge card.

I don't want any money.

I don't want any of you giving any money.

- [Bud] Come on. Here's Sheldon.

- Stop giving out those pledge cards back there.

All of you, just stop. This is totally free.

- You're ruining the whole thing!

- Sheldon, would you just talk to him please?

Bud, you cannot do this. - How are y'all doing tonight?

- There's television cameras out there.

I'm running this show. (Arlene speaking indistinctly)

- Everybody, listen to me, please.

(indistinct) This is all free. Everything is free.

(bright music) - This is for you, Arlene.

♪ Along time forgotten the dreams that just fell by the way ♪

(crowd clapping)

♪ The good life he's promised ain't what she's living today ♪

♪ But she never complains of the bad times ♪

♪ Or the bad things he's done to her ♪

♪ She just talks about the good times they've had

♪ And all the good times to come, woo ♪

♪ She's a good hearted woman in love with a good timin' man ♪

♪ She loves him in spite ♪

♪ Of those things she don't understand ♪

♪ Through teardrops and laughter ♪

♪ They'll pass through this world hand in hand ♪

♪ This good hearted woman's in love with a good timin' man ♪

Thank you, thank you!

♪ She's a good hearted woman in love with a good timin' man ♪

♪ She loves me in spite of the ways she don't understand ♪

♪ Through teardrops and laughter ♪

♪ They'll pass through this world hand in hand ♪

♪ This good hearted woman's in love with a good timin' man ♪

(crowd clapping) Thank you, thank you!

- Hallelujah. Let's hear it for Sheldon and Arlene.

The point is, Arlene, you just shouldn't have come out there

on that stage and done what you done.

You almost blowed the whole thing.

- Well, you shouldn't have done what I forbid you to do

in the first place, Bud.

You should have never collected money

from those poor people.

It was just terrible to do that,

sending pledge cards out there and everything.

(Bud and Arlene speaking indistinctly)

- Would you two quit fightin'?

We put on a hell of a show for 'em tonight.

- I mean, most of 'em will be back and, you know,

bring their friends to the next one.

(gentle music)

- There isn't gonna be a next one.

- [Sheldon] What are you talking about?

- This is just the beginning.

I mean, we can do this all over the country.

This is bigger than what I've been preaching for God's sake.

- No, you don't understand.

There isn't time for any more rallies.

- Wait a minute, wait a minute. What are you saying?

- It's coming in a very few days, it's coming.

I'm a little tired, Sheldon.

I'd like to go home now if you don't mind.

- Oh, excuse me, there's uh...

Sheldon, there's a whole lot of girls out there

who want your autograph.

- Don't you see what's happening, Arlene?

You wanna break it up.

(people speaking indistinctly)

- Arlene, wait a minute.

I want you to tell them space people,

what you've been talking to in your dreams or in your head

or wherever the hell they are,

that they better find themselves

another mountain top to land on,

'cause once you leave here,

you ain't gonna get back up on this one.

And I wanna put a man out there on the road

with a shotgun to make sure you don't.

You ain't gonna burn Brother Bud

and get away with it like this.

- You are such a fool, Bud.

I do pity you though, I do, both of ya

for not believing in anything.

Would you please tell Sheldon I'll be waiting in the car

for him when he's ready?

- Pathetic, really pitiful.

(liquor sloshing)

- How could you do it to me, Arlene?

First time in my life I get up the nerve

to do something like I did tonight.

It goes over real big,

and you turn right around and kill it.

- It's beyond my control now, Sheldon.

- Yeah. - Where are you going?

- I'm gonna drive up to Vegas

to pick up some more cars for Bud.

Maybe it'll clear my head, maybe.

- Sheldon, are these cars legal?

- (laughs) Legal cars? I doubt it. They're probably hot.

What do you care? - When will you be back?

- Tomorrow night, maybe.

- Maybe? - (sighs) Maybe.

(bright music) - Adios.

♪ How long would you start being mean ♪

(helicopter rumbling)

♪ How have I lived with (indistinct) ♪

♪ I may have missed...

- Can you tell me who I talk to, to report a crime?

- You go right through that door around the corner there

and talk to the sergeant at the desk.

♪ And at least I know (indistinct) ♪

- Excuse me, officer.

I'd like to talk to somebody about some people I know

that are selling stolen cars.

I mean, I think they're stolen.

(indistinct radio transmission)

(phone ringing)

(upbeat music) ♪ lcan'tsitby ♪

♪ And let you leave it lie ♪

♪ Baby, don't you understand ♪

♪ You're walking on quicksand ♪

♪ Ask me how I know ♪

(singer singing indistinctly) (people chatting indistinctly)

- Bartender, I need to get some beers to go.

Bartender, make up two six-packs, cold.

Excuse me.

- Watch your elbows there, buddy.

- Up yours, Castro. Budweiser.

(bottle clatters) - Hey, fella.

(patrons yelling) (glasses shattering)

♪ Let's get out of hand

♪ Just sinking in this quicksand ♪

♪ Quicksand ♪

- Hey, you okay, Emile?

Sorry I've been selling you so short.

- Well, even Brother Bud, you

you sell everybody short. - Why?

Is it 'cause we take a little money off of people

dumb enough to believe in salvation,

and all kind of stupid shit?

- I was your salvation back there though, wasn't I?

And something else too, Sheldon, you know,

sometimes people wanna believe in things.

They just have to sometimes.

Only time that believing in anything

is stupid and dangerous is...

- What's that? - Oh, I don't know.

I guess it's all the smart people in this world.

Like you and Brother Bud (laughs) waiting,

taking advantage of guys like me.

(car engine humming)

- I owe you one for saving my butt in that bar back there.

You ever need a favor from me, just ask.

- You go home and take care of Arlene.

She's gonna need you, Sheldon.

She's gonna need you no matter what happens.

- I told Emile to tell Bud if he wants those cars,

he can come and get 'em himself.

- When? - Tomorrow night.

- Whatever you want.

I'm sorry I've been so hard on you, Arlene,

hard and selfish. (laughs)

I know now I don't know nothing about nothing.

- I'm sorry your chance to sing in front of people

got all messed up.

If I had any control over it, Sheldon,

but I don't- - Sh, sh, sh, sh.

Maybe that hit over the head cleared up my thinking.

Maybe it's what Emile chewed me about.

I know I ain't no Waylon Jennings or one of them, Elvis.

I couldn't handle it if I was.

- Oh, Sheldon, you could be. Anybody can see that.

I can see that. (gentle music)

- Horse manure, I'm more like one of 'em losers

they all sing about.

The truth is,

I'm just like one of the people I always laughed at,

walking around with some stupid, crazy dream in my head

and then thinking all the time I was just too sharp

to believe in anything, but getting drunk,

getting laid, and making a fast buck. (laughs)

Maybe for the first time in my life,

I'm just happy to be who I am,

or I wouldn't be here with you.

- Sheldon, maybe mine's just a lot of dreaming too.

Oh my God. - What?

- I feel like I just got hit on the head too.

Oh my Lord! What have I done? What have I done?

What if my dreams aren't just empty dreams?

Oh dear. Oh, Sheldon, we'll go to jail.

Oh dear, Lord, please help me think, please God, please.

What am I gonna do? (gentle music)

I'll call the sheriff, and I'll call it off.

That's what I'll do, just very calm. I'll call the sheriff.

(phone rattling)

No, no. (receiver bangs)

He's not gonna believe me. He's gonna come over here anyway.

Why do I get this feeling

that the spaceship's coming tonight?

Sheldon.

Sheldon, hurry up, Sheldon,

get dressed, just get dressed.

(truck rumbling)

Sheldon, can't you drive this thing any faster?

- Look, you better tell me what this is all about,

or I'm gonna pull over and stop till you do.

- Well, after you left, I went to see the sheriff.

- You what? - Well,

I thought it was one way to get us

up on top of that mountain and get revenge on Bud.

Oh dear, oh! - Bud?

Well, what about me and Emile?

We brung 'em across the state line.

Oh, we could get a couple of years for that.

- See, Sheldon, I was so sure all along

that my dreams were right.

I never thought I was gonna get you into trouble,

because I knew that tomorrow night or the next night,

the ship would come down, and it will still, baby.

- All right, Arlene, we'll take these back to Bud,

and he can do whatever he wants with them.

But then we're jumping in my car and we're clearing out,

you and me, out of town, outta the whole damn state.

(truck rumbling)

(gentle music)

(cars humming)

(upbeat music) (tires squealing)

- Hey, move your car, bro.

I have to get these things up to Bud.

- Sorry, chief, can't do it.

- Hey, move it, or I'm gonna run the damn thing over.

- I got a deer rifle here in the car

saying this is Bud's land.

- Hey listen, you and me and Bud

are gonna be in a whole lot of trouble

if I don't get to talk to him real quick.

- Oh, he'll be down in a second.

I just sent someone up to get 'em.

(gun clattering) (horn honking)

- Oh, it's Naomi and Gregory and the others.

Naomi! Naomi here we are, Gregory over here.

- What the hell is she doing here?

- Hey, Bud. - Naomi, over here!

(everyone speaking indistinctly)

Bud, I have people coming up this hill right now.

- Well, I want you and every one of them (indistinct)...

(everyone speaking indistinctly)

- [Sheldon] This is real serious stuff now.

(helicopter rumbling)

(dramatic music)

- [Officer] We got an eye in the sky on this one or not?

- I don't know. - Well find out!

- 40, this is Eagle, come back.

Car 40, this is Eagle, come back.

- (indistinct) Come on, come on. Come on, what's happening?

- We got an eye in the sky on this one?

- One's come outta Red Rock. He oughta be here by now.

- Hey, what's going on?

I thought this wasn't supposed to go down

until tomorrow night. - The boss hid 'em.

Anybody tries to move that car cruiser,

then we stay behind 'em, right?

We drop a net over as many people as we can get.

Now it's starting to get dark, boys,

so we're just gonna wait a couple more minutes, all right?

(people speaking indistinctly)

(Arlene and Bud arguing indistinctly)

(Sheldon and Roy talking indistinctly)

- Don't touch her. - Listen, you go get your gun.

- [Roy] Will it be all right, Sheldon?

- [Sheldon] It's gonna be all right.

- [Bud] All right, everybody, now just leave.

(people speaking indistinctly)

- Bud, now listen to me.

You and me and Emile got to clear outta here right now.

(people speaking indistinctly)

(light rumbling) - Oh my Lord.

It's a spaceship. It's come for us.

(dog barking) Oh, Sheldon,

I love you, Sheldon. - I knew it.

- It's come for us. It's a spaceship!

- Spaceship my ass. That's a helicopter.

It's a helicopter. - No, it's not.

- It's a helicopter. - No, it's a spaceship!

(people speaking indistinctly) (upbeat music)

(sirens blaring)

(officers yelling indistinctly)

- You ain't seen the last of me, Arlene.

(Bud yelling indistinctly)

- There they go, up in the hills. That's what the did.

Now you two go get 'em. Go get 'em.

- I don't feel very good. I don't feel very good.

(helicopter rumbling) - I got you covered.

- Praise Jesus. Praise Jesus. They're just up ahead.

They tried to rob my church. I'm Brother Bud Sanders.

That's my tent right up on the hill.

- [Officer] I've seen him preach in the tent.

- Yeah, he tried to sell my brother-in-law a car.

- What do you think we're doing here, huh, dummies?

He's a car thief. Now go on and get him outta here.

- You're making a big mistake, brother.

- Get him out!

- [Bud] The Lord's not gonna smile on them, brother.

- Maybe we ought to go back, Sheldon.

Maybe they'll believe

you didn't know the cars weren't legal.

- No, you're dreaming again, Arlene.

We'll be lucky if them cops

ain't covering the back road out here.

You see the big rocks up there?

If we can make it to them, then we'll take a breather.

- All right. (helicopter rumbling)

(Arlene whispering indistinctly)

- You find this funny, Arlene?

- Well, at least it's real. It's not some crazy dream.

- Yeah, it's real.

There's (indistinct) paid for by the law

if that chopper swings around this way again.

(helicopter rumbling)

- This all makes sense to me now, Sheldon.

- It does? - Yes. Yes.

And you tried to tell me so many times.

- 1 did? - Yes, you did, you-

- Sh, sh, keep your voice down.

- The thing is, you always said,

"Try and be here, right here,"

didn't you always try and tell me that?

- Yeah, I'd like to be a couple hours from right here

if you don't mind. (helicopter rumbling)

- It's all gonna be very simple now.

- Yeah, if I can simply get to that car

before those cops do.

Look, right over this ridge,

there's another kind of dirt road.

Now you stay here undercover for a few minutes,

then make your way up there, and I'll pick you up,

and we'll celebrate this happiness you're feeling

in a motel next to Vegas someplace far away from here.

- Don't worry about anything, Sheldon.

We're gonna get out of this.

There's nothing to worry about now.

- You know, for the first time since I met you,

I've gotta hunch you're right.

Don't let 'em spot you when you cross that ridge.

- All right. All right. You be careful too.

- Moving's something I'm good at.

Nothing can catch me now. - No, us now.

- Yeah, us now.

Adios. - Adios.

(helicopter rumbling) (bright music)

(helicopter rumbling)

Cops.

(dog whines)

♪ I've always been crazy, but it's kept me from going insane ♪

♪ Nobody knows if it's something to bless or to blame

♪ So far I ain't found a rhyme or a reason to change ♪

♪ I've always been crazy, but it's kept me from going insane ♪

(bright music continues)

- [Sheldon] Well, I kind of go along with the man that said,

"Everybody ought to believe in something."

(upbeat country music)

♪ Ma's out there switchin' in the kitchen ♪

♪ And Dad's in the living room grouching and a-bitching ♪

♪ And I'm out here ♪

♪ Kicking the gong for euphoria, euphoria ♪

♪ When your mind starts reelin' and a-rockin' ♪

♪ And your inside voice starts squealin' and a-squawkin' ♪

♪ Floating around on a belladonna cloud ♪

♪ Singing euphoria ♪

♪ There's a man in the corner sitting underneath a table ♪

♪ He's out making faces at a union label ♪

♪ You know he picked his ears and he rolled his eyes ♪

♪ And whispered euphoria, euphoria

♪ When your mind starts reelin' and a-rockin' ♪

♪ Your inside voice starts squealin' and a-squawkin' ♪

♪ Floating around on a belladonna cloud ♪

♪ Singing euphoria ♪

♪ When your mind starts reelin' and a-rockin' ♪

♪ Your inside voice starts squealin' and a-squawkin' ♪

♪ Floating around on a belladonna cloud ♪

♪ Singing euphoria ♪

♪ I pinched Eve on the bottom, patted Adam on the back ♪

♪ I smiled at the serpent and he smiled right back ♪

♪ I took a bite from the apple with two bites gone ♪

♪ And shouted euphoria, euphoria

♪ When your mind starts reelin' and a-rockin' ♪

♪ Your inside voice starts squealin' and a-squawkin' ♪

♪ Floating around on a belladonna cloud ♪

♪ Singing euphoria ♪

♪ Ma's out there switchin' in the kitchen ♪

♪ And Dad's in the living room grouching and a-bitching ♪

♪ And I'm out here ♪

♪ Kicking the gong for euphoria, euphoria ♪

♪ When your mind starts reelin' and a-rockin' ♪

♪ When your inside voice starts squealin' and a-squawkin' ♪

♪ Floating around on a belladonna cloud ♪

♪ Singing euphoria ♪

(upbeat country music continues)

♪ When your mind starts reelin' and a-rockin' ♪

♪ Your inside voice starts squealin' and a-squawkin' ♪

♪ Floating around on a belladonna cloud ♪

♪ Singing euphoria ♪

♪ When your mind starts reelin' and a-rockin' ♪

♪ Your inside voice starts squealin' and a-squawkin' ♪

♪ Floating around on a belladonna cloud ♪

♪ Singing euphoria, ho ho, ho ho ho ho (laughing) ♪

♪ Theend ♪