Original subtitles

Who cares if I got picked last, right?

I can't believe I got drafted at all.

Look out, Cincinnati!

Because I am a bad driver.

Jerry, that's the only video we could find

of Rusty Boyd that wasn't an ad for an Ohio-based

Hooters knockoff.

Don't be a boob.

Watch the game at Boobers.

It's a real field goal.

And that's what I like about Rusty Boyd.

He just put his head down and did the job.

And I think that's why he never really got

the recognition he deserves.

Do you think he should be in the Hall of Fame?

- I know he should. - Come on.

Why are they letting this clown on TV?

Yeah.

I am not Hall of Fame material.

Rusty Boyd made a ridiculous 83% of his career field goals.

That's 'cause I only attempted 12,

and both of my misses hit children in the face.

Look, I'll say what everyone's thinking.

We need more white guys in the Hall.

Jerry, damn.

I'm out.

Where's the remote?

It's always under you. Stand up.

Under me? You stand up.

When we come back, you'll see my sit-down

with Georgia phenom running back Slacks Madison.

Fine.

How did I not feel that?

Wait, none of these are for the TV.

They're not?

Five to four.

I win this time.

♪ "The Fall and Rise of Reggie Dinkins" ♪

Even one vote for Reggie would have

been a win for both of us.

After all, MRD stands for Monica Reese-Dinkins.

But until that happens, I guess I'll keep telling clients

that I was married to former New York mayor David Dinkins.

And, yes, I've had to pivot away from the Big Four sports,

but I have signed some of the top handball players in Serbia.

Bella, could you please move?

Oh.

Oh.

Sorry.

You doing a Tic Tac?

OK, I thought I was hiring a young woman named Bella who,

in retrospect, had a lot of experience,

but it turned out to be a very old woman named Bella

who didn't know how to turn off her Zoom filters.

After my husband died, I said to myself,

Bella, take a bath and get out there.

Obviously, the game Jerry Basmati is playing

with Reggie is cruel,

but what if Rusty actually makes it into the Hall of Fame?

I mean, as I've said from the beginning--

Let me guess.

The film will emerge.

I'm sorry, Marty.

Is there somewhere you'd rather be working?

And perhaps you'd like to go back to shooting

funny airline safety videos with actual employees

who have no presence on camera?

Yeah, I thought so.

The film will emerge.

Oh, hey.

Hey, yo, there he is.

Celebrity in our midst.

Rusty Boyd!

Hall of Fame, huh?

They making a movie about you?

No, it's about me, obviously.

Yeah. He's Dora.

I'm just Boots.

Well, either way, let me hook up Mr. Hall of Fame here,

on the house.

I gotta go in the back and get you a couple

of pounds of animal slices.

You know, it really clicked this morning

that that's what I've been doing,

selling slices of animals.

Be right back.

Oh, Rusty Boyd.

He's crazy.

I'm not getting in, and I don't want to.

I mean, I'm not even Boots.

I'm maybe Backpack.

And if it did happen, I'd be happy for you.

Backpack is important.

It's got Map in it.

Wait, do you guys watch that show together?

I'm just saying this is the opposite

of what Jerry Basmati wants.

All he's doing is proving how strong our friendship is.

Hey, Rusty Boyd! You're a lock!

Like the one my ex-wife put on the shed.

That's my stuff in there!

Hey, Sal. How's your dead mother?

She resting easy?

You got this.

OK, don't get too excited,

but Slacks Madison is looking for an agent,

and he wants to meet with me.

- Yeah, that's right! - Hey, go, Mom!

That guy's a beast.

They saying that kid is the new me.

So watch out, Monica.

He gonna try to touch your boob in the back row

at "Ghostbusters II."

And don't worry, I know the drill.

If anyone asks,

I'm former New York City mayor David Dinkins.

I gotta admit, at first I didn't actually believe

it was Slacks Madison on the phone.

Well, you always gotta be careful of pranks.

When I was dating Dr. Freak,

he convinced me I was pregnant with a Chucky.

Pregnancy scare!

OK.

Well, it wasn't a prank.

I know.

This is all your hard work paying off.

Exactly.

You don't rep any current football players,

but yet he called you out of the blue.

It just makes sense.

Yeah, Mom. Don't doubt yourself.

I wasn't.

Damn.

The preliminary vote is tomorrow,

and according to our skeezy - partners at PornBet. - Balls,

the odds-on favorites for the Hall of Fame

are quarterback Clark Doorhammer,

center O'Neill Shaquille,

and, incredibly, kicker Rusty Boyd,

who was only in the league for five seasons.

Jerry thinks he can get to me through my best friend?

He's crazy.

Me and Rusty are tight forever.

Yo, Rust, let's go to that laser tag place

where you sit in chairs.

What are you doing? - I'm sorry.

This one's too tight, and now it's stuck.

But why do you have them?

If they think you might get in to the Hall of Fame,

they send you a bunch of jackets

ahead of time so they know what size you are.

This is affecting our friendship.

I don't like the feelings that I'm feeling,

but I can't help it.

Jerry Basmati's an evil genius.

He manipulated us!

He's like the Gone Girl,

and we're just a couple of Afflecks.

How can I make this right, Reg?

What's your love language?

Is it words of affirmation?

I love you.

Is it gifts?

Here.

Is it touch? Here comes touch.

No!

My love language is acts of service.

That's why me and you are gonna stop Jerry Basmati

and save our friendship.

Here comes more touch.

No. Sorry, Bella.

I said I'm not using any Reggie Dinkins materials

in the pitch.

In 2020.

But we didn't have the funeral until '21 because of COVID.

I get that MRD is small, but small things can be great,

like those bottles of booze on airplanes.

That's all you need.

It just means Slacks would get more of my time,

and time is money.

And money never sleeps, so-- transitive property--

time never sleeps.

I drank a lot of coffee this morning.

Maybe this is actually Monica's story

and her improbable return to the top.

But also, it's still about Rusty

and his improbable rise to glory.

Oh, and then there's Brina,

whose career has really started to sing.

I don't know.

I guess I could do the closing credits like--

♪ We've been waiting for the end ♪

♪ Now it's here, let's begin ♪

♪ We had a couple Ls

♪ But two Ls make a win ♪

♪ The fall and rise of everybody ♪

OK, so I know how to stop Basmati.

I call him up.

I disguise my voice. I say--

Oh, hello. It's me, Jeff Bezos.

Fancy a trip to space, do you?

But then we build the rocket.

Nah, man.

We don't actually have to stop Jerry.

We just need to make you unelectable.

But he's a straight white dude in 2026.

It's much harder for them to get in trouble

than it used to be. - Yeah.

Which is saying a lot, because it's always been hard.

Ready for lunch, Reg?

'Cause of your tummy, I had her make one without any--

Mustard!

I know how to destroy you.

MRD Sports Management is a global brand

with clients in dozens of current and former countries

from Serbia to Kyrgyzstan to Genovia.

MRD clients are at the top of their game.

Oh.

Sorry. Those are my grandsons.

But look at those faces.

Yeah, I say we keep it in.

Monica, you remember my assistant, Shane.

Mr. Hu took me shopping.

I assume you're in town to pitch Slacks Madison.

Well, you'll be surprised to know--

You're meeting with him?

What? Huh?

You? But how?

Psych. Pretending.

Slacks Madison didn't even know who you were until I told him.

This is my move.

Before I date someone,

I hire a guy who's terrible at sex to sleep with them.

Then I get in there, and they're, like, grateful.

How bad is that guy in bed?

You wouldn't believe it.

So bad.

And that's what you're gonna do for me--

make me look amazing.

I mean, you can't even talk about your most famous client.

This is fun.

Shane, what have we not covered?

Ooh. Um, let's see.

Oh, did you tell her that we only came here

to get in her head so she totally beefs her pitch?

No.

Thank you, Shane.

Monica, I only came here--

I heard him.

Just get the hell out of here.

That's where I wanted to go anyway.

It was so great to see you.

Bye.

What a cute couple.

Rusty, your road to Canton's been a real Cinderello story.

That's Cinderella for boys.

Thanks, Brett.

I'm just here to say one thing.

Kendrick Lamar, I have beef with you.

You're short, and your ears stick out.

And it's not cute.

And you're bad for hip-hop.

I'm better than you at rapping, you see?

They're not like us.

Well, you not like me.

Come at me, man.

I dare you, and we'll let the internet pick a winner.

Oh, God. He dropped.

Kendrick dropped already.

Dad.

♪ I know I always say put it in the music ♪

♪ But some things you just have to say with your chest ♪

♪ Rusty Boyd, I respect you ♪

♪ People are so scared of my pen ♪

♪ They're afraid to challenge me ♪

♪ But an artist needs to be challenged ♪

♪ And thanks to you ♪

♪ I've never felt so creatively alive ♪

♪ That's why I want to officially endorse ♪

♪ Rusty Boyd for the NFL Hall of Fame ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

Rusty,

I love you,

and I hate myself for feeling this way.

But I can't live in your house anymore.

I'll pack my food and go.

Monica, you look terrible.

It'd be sexist of me not to tell you that.

Here's what's going to happen, Barry.

I'm going to go into that room, and when I come out,

I'm going to be Slacks Madison's agent.

Oh, OK.

And I'm 6'4", and this isn't a wig.

That's how insane you sound.

If she can actually pull this off,

then that is our Rudy moment.

Not literally because the movie "Rudy" is a lie.

They carried him off the field as a joke.

Look it up.

Oh, Monica, Monica. Oh, how did it go?

I left it all in there.

Great. Good for you.

No, I left all my stuff in there.

I tanked so hard.

I left behind my computer, my bag.

My phone and wallet are in it.

Poured coffee on myself.

I don't care. I'll shave my head.

Start over.

OK, maybe the documentary is about me not knowing

what the documentary is about.

Hmm?

What do you want, Basmati?

Nice try with Kendrick.

I heard he started wearing your jersey on tour.

Reggie must be so happy for you.

He is. He got me balloons.

Oh, I love balloons. Let me see them.

I sucked all the helium out of them,

so you missed it.

And I can still stop this.

You know I don't deserve it.

Why not? You meet the requirements.

You've been retired for five years

and received a post-season honor,

the 2004 Pro Bowl.

Only because all the other kickers

got a foot fungus at a hot tub party that I wasn't invited to.

Sorry. Read the rule book.

Damn it.

Oh, I'll read the rule book, Jerry.

You OK, Reg?

Brina, whatever you do,

don't play professional football

and be just OK at it and then get into the Hall of Fame

because that might come between us.

I try not to limit myself.

But OK, baby.

You were right, Brina.

I got pranked.

Oh, no. Was it a Chucky?

I wish.

It was a Barry Hu.

I keep talking about getting to this next level,

but maybe this is my level.

Guys like Barry win because they're ruthless.

I couldn't even dump Reggie Dinkins.

Thank goodness you didn't.

Without you, Reggie'd probably be one of those guys

who sits in his driveway in a lawn chair

and comments on stuff,

and I do not want to marry a driveway lawn chair guy.

Yeah, that would be my deal.

I'd be like, ooh, someone's in a hurry!

OK, I'm sorry, but Monica,

you should not want to be like Barry.

The fact that you kept Reggie

and you kept a gorgeous roof over his head--

I wish my roof got to hear you say that.

He's very insecure.

That means you are better at this than Barry.

Reggie is not a liability, Monica.

He is proof of what you can do.

Which means you shouldn't pretend I don't exist.

And I shouldn't pretend

to be a deceased former New York City mayor.

Exactly. You should be proud.

You've kept this deadweight afloat for 20-plus years.

You was a mess, too, Arthur Tobin.

Yes, I was, and Monica didn't give up on me either.

You came and got me from a bus station.

I've never been to one of those.

What do you wear?

Right.

Reggie, you're gonna need to put shoes on.

For you, Monica...

I'll try.

You're crazy, man.

Slacks, hold up.

I'd really love the opportunity--

Reggie Dinkins?

Yo, this is Reggie Dinkins!

I'm a huge fan.

Seriously?

I--I mean, obviously.

Look, I modeled my whole game after you.

I do all your moves like the "Go away, you!"

You ever do the--

both: "Don't take my football, you!"

Yeah.

Look, Mr. Dinkins, if it's cool with you,

can I get a selfie?

Absolutely.

Hey.

Slacks, I think you know my agent,

Monica Reese-Dinkins.

Sorry.

I finished all the champagne on the elevator ride down,

but I'll be happy to open another for my newest client.

What's he doing here?

I don't know what she's told you,

but this isn't the dead mayor.

I'm here because despite everything,

Monica has always stood by me.

She might not be as successful as you.

Obviously.

Look at my watches.

And I know I remind her

of all the stuff that's gone wrong.

But she's never blamed it all on me

or pushed me away like I'm some kind of--

Rusty, what have I done?

I've abandoned my boy!

Man, I wish I would have known he was with MRD

before I made my decision.

Well, when you get sick of hearing this guy

talk about how much he loves Miami--

Oh, you gotta go.

The parties are so loud.

Give me a call.

Monica!

I forgot you drove.

Rusty!

I'm sorry, Rusty!

Rusty?

"I've decided to end it all."

Oh, God.

No.

I think the note is very clear, Marty.

I'm going to end it all,

"it" being the nonsense with Jerry Basmati.

What else have we been talking about?

I don't have time for this! I have to go end it all!

- Mr. Basmati-- - Good afternoon, friends.

Look, I can't comment on how I'm gonna vote in there,

but I don't want to disappoint you.

So I will sing the 1976 disco smash "Car Wash."

♪ At the car wash ♪

♪ Diggity diggity dink ♪

♪ Workin' at the car wash, yeah ♪

♪ Whoa - Hey, Basmati!

What--

- Christmas morning! - Oh!

Let not your anger blind you,

lest you become like a beast of the field.

Just made that up.

It's OK.

I won't press charges.

You and Dinkins ain't getting out of this that easy.

You told me to read the rule book.

Rule 12, Section 2, Article 17.

Use of a helmet as a weapon-- immediate disqualification.

Yeah, from the game, man.

Where does it say that?

That's not possible.

It just says disqualified.

It doesn't say from what. That's idiotic.

You never should have told me to read the rule book, Basmati.

This some straight "Air Bud" bull[bleep].

Hey, did you talk to Rusty?

No.

Well, I know it's not the Hall of Fame,

but this was a good day for all of us.

That's the spirit. We have a lot to celebrate.

Come on.

To life.

No, no, no. Don't worry.

This is just ginger ale.

Life.

Dad, you took a picture with Slacks Madison?

That is so cool.

You took a picture with Doja Cat's

brand assistant's boyfriend?

He looks so--

Stop.

Just--

I wish I could enjoy this, but Rusty--

Is right behind you.

What are you doing here?

I live here because I'm no longer eligible

for the stupid Hall of Fame.

Oh. Of course.

"It" was Jerry Basmati's plan, and you ended it all.

And the red stuff on the note--

both: Was jelly!

Oh.

Maybe touch is my love language.

both: Basmati.

Ice cream truck! I mean, Basmati!

That's his car, but where is he?

He's in your house, dinkbags!

What are you doing here, Basmati?

Your boy here foiled my plan to get him in the Hall.

But guess what?

I get the last laugh 'cause we still voted today.

And you didn't make the cut.

Not even close.

Oh, look at that.

The last page--Reggie Dinkins.

You only got four votes, chump.

- Oh, baby! - Hey!

You got votes!

Four votes? Four.

Four votes? Four.

Wait, is that what she just said?

No, no, no. No, stop.

Stop being happy.

Can I get a "four votes"?

all: Four votes!

To hell with this jubilation.

Bye, Mr. Basmati.

Mister?

You shouldn't respect me. Why you respecting me?

I--I don't.

Now get out of here, sir, and have a safe trip home.

Your boy is weird, Dinkins.

Yay!

Four votes!

So what? Are we done?

Is that the end of the movie?

Film.

And, no, I actually think this is just the beginning.

I think all this time was just getting us here together.

Monica, do you remember what you said to me

at the bus station?

This could be a win-win-win.

Well, I did not really believe that.

At the time, I just wanted my job back.

But now I am starting to.

Yeah, we are not those same people we were then.

And I think if we continue to our own selves be true,

it really could be a win-win-win.

Win-win-win.

Did I get everyone?

No, actually, you didn't.

So we're not gonna stop now.

We're just getting started.

All right. Let's run it back.

both: Stack, stack.

So how has everyone been handling

farting on camera?

'Cause I've been going into the woods.

You got my hoodie all smelling like vanilla.

I had to tell my dad it was from baking a cake.

That's such a dumb lie. He's gonna want a piece.

He did.

So I had to actually bake a cake.

It was so salty.

Well, my dad found the rose you gave me.

I said it was a prop for the talent show,

so now I'm doing a one-woman "Beauty and the Beast."

I'm coming to that.

No, you're not. He'll be there.

D, who you talking to? I heard a boy.

Where is it?

No, Dad, I'm talking to Olivia.

Then where'd she go?

Olivia!

Why do I know that couch?

- Good night, everybody. - Good night.