Original subtitles

ROB: 'It's the hottest sport in the country right now.'

COMMENTATOR: His age means nothing.

'And over the last nine months, Rom and I have been training

to compete at this year's showpiece event,

the World Darts Championships.'

The ascension is complete!

ROMESH: 'We'll be hanging out with the teenager

who's shaken up the sport...' COACH: Game shot.

'..17-year-old sensation Luke Littler.'

(LAUGHTER)

'Training with former pro turned pundit, Wayne Mardle.'

Do exactly that.

Oh!

I'm excited for you.

'Before going head-to-head in front of thousands

at this year's World Championship.'

180!

Darts.

I mean, the big thing for this episode

is that you and me are going head-to-head

in the arrows at the World Championship.

Right, this is stressful, Rom,

there's going to be a lot of people chanting at us,

screaming at us,

and they love giving the darts players a bit of grief.

Well, I've been to the darts at Ally Pally a few times.

Have you? Yeah.

I've never been. Did you go when you were famous or pre-fame?

Well, so what happened was I went... It must be a different vibe.

I went when I was sort of at the dawn of fame.

"The dawn." So I was getting recognised.

What was that, It's Not Rocket Science with Ben Miller and Rachel Riley?

(LAUGHS)No, it was after that. It was after that.

Well after that.

There's all these people in fancy dress

and then they just go,

they saw me and they started going, "Romesh, down your pint,

Romesh, Romesh, down your pint." And then I did.

Yep. The night ended with me sort of...

I think it was 6am on Oxford Street trying to get an Uber home.

Oh, I remember this story. Yeah.

Is this when you had to go out for the day with the kids

and you got back at six? I got in at 7:30, yeah,

and Leesa and the kids were just getting up getting ready to go

to Hever Castle for the day. (LAUGHS)

'With nine months until our big debut at Ally Pally,

we needed to get to grips with the game.

So we were meeting teenage darts sensation, Luke Littler.

The Nuke burst on to the scene early last year,

storming his way into the 2024 World Championship final.

Now, at just 17, he's going toe-to-toe

with the biggest names in darts.

He was the perfect person to help us with our challenge,

so we had to make sure we won him over.'

What does a 17-year-old like to do?

Your boy's what... You've got teenage boys?

My eldest is 14, almost 15. Right.

So what do you like doing with him? When I do bowling with the kids,

there's the arcade next door, part of the thing.Yeah.

We just go round.Perfect, basically the stepdad special.

Yeah, you spend 40 quid on arcade games.

Throw money at it.Yeah, and then you get enough tickets

to buy a chew bar. Yeah, perfect.

Yeah.He's 17, I'm shagging his mum and he don't like me.

(LAUGHS)

'An arcade felt like the perfect place to meet,

we'd heard Luke loves a bit of gaming when he's not on the oche,

so we arranged to meet him at Gravity Max in Liverpool.

Basically a gamers paradise.'

OK. Here we are.

Yeah. I think he's gonna love it, do you?

It feels weird now, doesn't it? What's that?

Well, two blokes of our age meeting a 17-year-old

to take him round the arcades.

It'll be fine, though, won't it? Once it gets busier.

It will be fine. Yeah, once it gets busier

and there's more witnesses. Yeah.

We're trying to... "bond" doesn't feel right.

We're trying to interact with him. That doesn't even seem right.

I want to get him out of his shell and-

No.No? I wouldn't say that.

Stay in the shell. Keep him in the shell.

Yes, cos that's what appropriate.

Keep him in the shell. Let's all keep our shells on.Yeah.

This is our Epstein Island. Yeah.

This is how we go, mate. Yeah.

Fast forward 15 years,

I'm gonna be sat opposite Emily Maitlis telling her I can't sweat.

'We'd only been in the arcade a few minutes

and we were already having doubts,

but it was too late to pull the plug.'

Luke's here. Hello. Hello mate. How's it going?

You alright?All good. Nice to see you.

Nice to see you. Thanks for coming down.

We thought we'd go arcade. You're into computer games, ain't ya?

Yeah. Do you come arcade though?

Not like this. Not like this. Yes.

We thought we'd have a nice fun time, didn't we?

I wish I hadn't said any of that out loud but that's what we're gonna do.

Sweet, let's go.

It felt like such a good idea until we said,

"Hello, Luke, welcome to the arcades."

From then, it was just an unmitigated disaster.

Bit of horse racing? Yeah.

Looks like fun. What 17-year-old wants to go

and join two middle aged men at the arcades?

It looks like you're taking your stepson out for the day.

Right, you in, son. (LAUGHS)

I mean, his manager's watching off camera,

he's probably going, "Luke, let's swerve this, mate."

(LAUGHTER)

This is mental.

I thought it was going to be nice getting to know you,

but for some reason they've decided to bring you

to the arcades like it's a custody issue.

Come on.

Watch out, Rom, he's coming. Yes, Luke.

Shut up, shut up, Rob.

Do you know what, what we've done has been pretty smart,

pretty switched on, cos we've gone "Let's break the ice,

let's expose ourselves," not physically but emotionally.

He seems to be enjoying it.

I can see you, lads.

Yeah. Oh, my God.

We've got him in his own world, where he says,

"Hey, I'm 17 and up for a good time."

(LAUGHTER)

(SCREAMING)

How do we get the best out of our 17-year-olds?

We dance for them.

They don't dance for us.

(CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYS)

Do you know what, I can't. Is Luke still here?

This is embarrassing.

Let's not look too deep into what's happened in this arcade today.

Where's the fucking...

Let's just know it all happened

and everyone agreed to everything that happened,

and we move on with our lives.

'With the arcade behind us, we needed to get things back on track,

and luckily Luke had invited us for a practice session

at his old stomping ground, the St Helens Youth Darts Academy.

The drive there was our chance to finally get some questions in.'

Do you like it, Rom, in the back? How's it in the back?

What is this? You look weird in the back.

It's so mental. This is like Rob and Luke versus Romesh Ranganathan.

I'm sat in back here. Yeah but it feels...

I'm like your kid.

What is this place we're going to, in St Helens?

Darts academy. Darts academy.

The one I went to. I'm going to be honest with you,

I didn't know there was a darts academy.

Is that a relatively recent thing or has that been going on for years?

There's been darts academy for years and years

but ever since the World Championships

it's just got bigger and bigger.

So more kids wanna do it because of you, basically.

Respect, actually.

It's actually cos less people wanna do comedy since Romesh started.

Don't worry about it. Oh, yeah, let's do a group one.

No, oh this is...

(LAUGHTER)

Do you know what the thing was? Pathetic, you pathetic loser.

I knew that was gonna happen but I still, on the off chance...

No, I'm only joking, no, come on then, let's do. Go on.

Is it weird, Luke, knowing that you've basically changed

the perception of the sport, it's become bigger

as a direct result of you, is that something you ever think about?

I know I've changed it a lot. Yeah.

Just a good thing that the PDC, as well as the PDC Europe,

they're getting the numbers up. Yeah.

It's just gone crazy. That's great.

They must be sucking up to you so much, right?

I mean, come on, mate, you're literally bringing money

into the game, they must say "Hi, hi Luke!"

"Come in, Luke, come in here if you want.

Do you need anything?"

"We got you, we got you Rob and Romesh Vs

and we're gonna put Romesh in the back!"

You've got to get over the sitting in the back,

someone had to go in the back and I don't-

I'm the one that drives, you can't put Luke in the back.

Alright, alright, alright.

Do you enjoy the fame side of it or is there a downside to it?

I like what I am now, but I love privacy.

Yeah. Are your parents protective?

Yeah, I've got my own security now. Have ya?Yeah.

You didn't need him for us today, though.Nah.

OK. That's what Romesh is doing in the back.

He's keeping an eye on things. Yeah. Got a full 360 view from here.

This guy, he sees everything.

These people looking at us, they're going, "Is that Luke Littler

in the car with Rob Beckett and some weird bloke in the back?"

Why is there a bloke in the middle seat in the back,

look at her, she's panicking, look. (HORN HONKS)

Give her a wave, Luke. Oh, that is so thirsty behaviour.

Alright, I'll move forward so they can see you.

No, don't, don't. Romesh, it's Romesh.

Romesh is in the back.

Romesh is in the back.

(LAUGHTER)

"I don't know him." Respect that.

Oh, God.

'The St Helen's Academy have been developing

young darts talent for over a decade,

and now they were gonna have two middle aged blokes on their books.'

When I was in my younger days, well, even younger, I'd come here.

Back in the day. 2021.

What did you start, seven years ago when you were 10?Yeah.Yeah.

Right, are we gonna have a game? Yeah.Yeah.

'When we play at the World Championships

it will be a leg of darts, 501 down to zero.

To get some practice we were taking on Luke 2 v 1,

but since he's one of the best in the world,

he gave us a 400-point lead so we were starting at 101.'

Good luck.

OK, no, that's not very...

Er, no.

140.

'But even with a 400-point head start,

we were getting absolutely battered.'

This is actually quite demoralising for me and Rom,

there's children laughing at us.

Oh, shit. (CHUCKLES)

We're just standing there, having our trousers and pants

pulled down and getting our little bottoms smacked.

And that is... Game shot.

And a match. Luke Littler.

OK. Well, he threw them in quicker than I could add up what was needed.

Only someone with undiscovered raw ability is gonna get near him.

Something's gonna have to come down from the gods

to beat Luke Littler today.

'Rob and I were clearly out gunned,

so this time Luke stuck with 501 and we only needed two.

But to keep it like a proper leg of darts,

we had to check out on a double so we were aiming for double one.'

Right, OK, we really need to buckle up here.Yeah.

100. Right, Rob.

Double one. Let's get this wrapped up, mate.

OK, double one.

No score.

What? No score.

Oh, you b- Oh yeah. Yeah you bust.

I thought we got three goes each, that's gonna be a problem.

No. That is, yeah.

Right, so... 25.

What you want to do is, don't get it on another number.

No I won't. Cos then it's Luke's go again.

No score. Well done, though. Inch up.

Yeah, you say no score quite aggressively

if you don't mind me saying.

It's an away match for us, innit. We're on his home ground.

It's sort of humiliating, the way he's doing it.

96.

Yeah, OK. You require two.

Yes, we are aware!

We are aware of what's required, OK? He's taking the mickey, this guy.

So we don't need to hear anymore from you actually.

OK, double one.

Game shot. Yes.

And that's Rob and Romesh. I've just beat Luke Littler!

(APPLAUSE) Beat, yeah. I've just beat Luke Littler.

Just beat Luke Littler. Well played, mate. Well played.

Feels pretty good.

Me and Rom, well, not Rom, me, has just defeated Luke Littler.

Yes, some people would say

you've beaten a 17-year-old

and you had a 499 head-start.

Yes!

And you celebrated in front of him,

his parents and all of the children watching that see him as a hero.

And, you know, I can see that point of view

but tell you what, it still tasted sweet to me.

Wow, well done.Yeah. We did start on two, didn't we?

Yeah... What advice would you give us

going into that head-to-head at the world finals?

Practice. Just practice.

Thank you so much, mate, appreciate it.

Cheers, Luke. Good luck with it, mate. Lovely to meet ya.

Don't let that defeat get in your head, you'll be alright.

I'll reset and go again. Sorry about him, mate.

All of these kids, Romesh, are better than you.

Yeah. At comedy as well, probably.

'In nine months' time,

Rom and I are going head-to-head at the World Darts Championships.

We'd hung out with wonder kid, Luke Littler...'

This is mental.

'..and our preparations for the worlds

couldn't have got off to a better start.'

Game shot. Yes.

And that's Rob and Romesh. I've just beat Luke Littler!

'But having to do it at Ally Pally was a different kettle of fish.'

What advice would you give us going in to that head-to-head?

Practice.

'So a couple of months later we were off to do just that.'

Do you think you'd be good at darts?

I feel like I should be good cos I'm working class but...Yeah.

..I don't think that's just a... an in.

I mean, I've got an obvious, I don't want to keep going on about it,

there's an obvious disadvantage in my eyesight,

and this is what started to get me thinking about my character,

the pirate.

Eye patch. Correct.

Respect.

I think that's a great shout. Romesh The Pirate Ranganathan.

Doesn't roll off the tongue. No, it doesn't. Romesh.

The pirate. Captain Bonk Eye.

(CHUCKLES)

Aye, aye, Captain Bonk Eye.

That'll be the chant. # Aye, aye, Captain Bonk Eye #

That's a good chant.

That's just off the top of our heads.

Wow, that was good. OK, what about you?

Normally it's a blond teeth...

the shark?

Yeah, that's good.

Hair into a fin. Yeah.

But, like, up and over.

And everyone's going like that as you come on.And I go...

I walk like... (LAUGHS)

It's tough. Maybe baby shark.

Yeah, that's a good one.

Daddy sha... # Robbie,

# Bobbie Shark dododododododo

# Bobbie Shark dododododododo

# Bobbie Shark #

'Our nicknames still felt like a work in progress

but right now we had bigger things to focus on,

actual darts training.

Luke had sorted us a lesson with former player

and now legendary commentator, Wayne Mardle.'

Yes, double 12!

That is the most amazing leg of darts

you've ever seen in your life!

I can't speak, I can't speak.

'We'd come to a proper darts boozer in South London to meet him.'

Nice to meet ya, I'm Rob. How you doing?Yeah, you good?

'So he could get us on the road to Ally Pally.'

This don't feel like work, does it? No, it doesn't feel like work.

Feels like, "We're the only people that have turned up to your stag do" at the moment.

What are the basic skills that you need to be a darts player?

Right, I'll teach you the basics, but honestly you need to...

It's routine, rhythm, comfort.

Routine, rhythm, and comfort? Yeah.

You're talking about me and my wife.

There's no routine. No, I'm not.

Once on birthday, twice at Christmas.

If you haven't got routine or rhythm you can't do anything.Right.

Again and again, and that, that leads to replication.OK.

And that's the important thing. Three R's.

You need to replicate what you're doing.

I'd shown a bit of something when we played with Luke in St Helen's

but now I'd find out if that was a fluke.

Thing is, with darts, it's a working class sport

so I should be good at it, but like when I see a posh kid

in red trousers, I'm like, "I bet they're good on a horse."

If they're not, you're like, "Why aren't you good at horses?"

Now, in a an ideal world, all you do is just move the forearm, right.

Literally move the forearm. You got weapons behind you.

OK. Do you want me to go first?

Select your weapons. I'll go for these ones.Right.

Nice.What is there not to like about that?

Just his general demeanour and his sort of...(LAUGHS)

ALL: Oh! I'm excited for ya.

As expected, I'm not bad at darts. It's in the blood.

Oh. Great dart.

It's in the DNA, it's how I'm build, do you know what I mean?

Look at this. Come on.

You have cracked it. It's in the fucking veins. You have cracked it.

'Apparently Rob had nailed it, and now I was dreading my turn.'

Genuinely, I can see two hands.

The main challenges are physical coordination and eyesight

and those are the two things that are only really involved.

Aim at the 20.

Shit.

Oh, shit.

Right, have a target. Have a target, Rom. Try and...

Oh fucking hell, that was shit. You're closing your eye.

Well, that's the bad one. Yeah, but why are you closing it?

I see this eye as a liar, do you know what I mean,

I can't trust what it tells me. (LAUGHS) Sorry.

So it shows you falsehoods, does it? Yeah.

I needed some pointers and Wayne was happy to offer some.

When you're throwing the dart, leave your hand.

Leave it there. And arm extended.

If you take it away then it knock- The dart can go askew.

That's a good word for darts. "Askew."

So leave it there, leave it there.

Yes.Yes. Yes.

You left it there. That's a straight line, look.

Do it again.Left it there, boy.

Leave it. Yeah, leaving it there, yeah.

Straight, look, they're straight now.

What are you going for?

It's quite erratic, Rom, he's sort of...Very erratic.

If I was to say early and late release,

have you got any idea what I'm on about?

Yeah, one of them I can do, one of them I can't.

(LAUGHS) Yeah.

To be fair, if I had enough to drink I can do both.Yeah.

You have a natural late release. OK.

I want you to release earlier.

OK. This is the first time that's been requested.

I want you to release earlier. Yeah.

If he released any earlier he'd still be dressed.

I'd still be in the car on the way home!

We still had a long way to go before we were ready

for the world championship, but it wasn't just our darts skills

that would be on display at Ally Pally.

You can't be a dart player unless you got a nickname.

I wanted to be called Bobbie The Shark Beckett.

Why The Shark?Cos of, like, the teeth and the mouth.

I hadn't noticed the teeth. That, and... OK, yeah.

(LAUGHS) Course I had.

Course I had. Have you not watched his act?

What about you, Rom? Have you thought about it at all?

Cos I've got only one fully functioning eye

I thought I would go for something like The Pirate,

do you know what I mean, come out with an eye patch.

I was thinking of Romesh Dead Eye Ranganathan.

That's great. It's more of a diagnosis than a nickname, I'd say.

No, Dead Eye, that means you're accurate.Alright, OK.

'Hopefully my new nickname will improve my accuracy

because practice was over and it was game on.

Romesh Dead Eye Ranganathan versus Bobby The Shark Beckett

in a leg of 501.'

Right, crack on.

'As we got going, my nickname was paying off

and Bobby The Shark looked like he'd lost his bite.'

Have you let the pressure of the game get to you here?

No. Yeah, I have, actually. I feel like you have.

Technically, practicing, Rob was very very good.

When it was game time, he lost the plot.

You've stopped hitting 20s.

He stopped throwing properly, his mind was absolutely puddled.

You're on 400 after 15 darts.

That is five visits. Five visits!

'Even though I was scoring faster than Rob...'

I've got so many ones.

'..it was still taking forever to chip away at our scores.'

This is exasperating, ain't it. (LAUGHS)

'But 10 minutes and a lot of throws later...'

Look what he's left, look what he's left.

Two. (LAUGHS)

'..I'd lined up a familiar check out to win the game.'

Double one.

Oh, that's a good one.

(LAUGHS)

'But every single time I tried...'

Fucking ba.

OK off you go.

'..it was getting painful and even with our challenge at Ally Pally

so far off, I was starting to prang out.'

Imagine me attempting to get double one

15 to 20 times in front of thousands of people.

It's gonna be horrendous.

Why am I so shit at this?

We've got seven months to train,

I think it might take me seven months to get double one.

Shit.

Off you go.

'The game was taking forever.'

Right, this leg has been going for just over 20 minutes.

To put it into context, a match at the world championships,

someone can win in roughly 15 minutes.

'Wayne was clearly worried, and, to make matters worse,

while I'd be failing to check out, Rob had caught up with me.'

You, my son, are on a finish.

Right. Do you know what, I'll just end it now, what have I got to get?

Double two. Double two. Perfect.

Just warming in.

(CHEERING)

Come on. Wallop.

The Shark wins.

You had all these attempts.

What are you doing, man? It's my shark fin.

I don't think I should do the shark fin if I win.

That's a thought you should have had two minutes ago.

I'd had a wobble at the start of our game,

but when it mattered most I'd pulled it out of the bag.

I'd ended the day on a high

but Rom was obviously still flapping about the Ally Pally crowd.'

What is the atmosphere like? Will they be sort of understanding-

No, they will not be understanding of how bad you are.

You need to get good.

So, going forward, Rom, you're lacking his ability

so you have to work, you've got to work hard.Yeah.

Early and follow through. Yeah.

And the darts will, instead of spraying everywhere,

they'll be like that. OK.

Rob, you just be you, pal.

You're absolutely, you are golden. Thank you.

If you're both free on Thursday, Premier League Finals at the O2.

Fancy? Fancy? The big, the big one?

Yeah, this is amazing. On Thursday?Yeah.

I can't do it. Why not?

Cos I'm doing a tour show.Are you? Can you practice at your tour show?

Yeah, I'd love to, yeah. Literally, no matter where you are,

you can practice. OK.

Early, follow through.

Early, follow through.

Co, when you are not practising, he's gaining on you.

OK. Alright.

Alright. Good man.

We've got seven months of darts practice

and Romesh, he will train and he will get better,

but hopefully he's so shit it will make no difference.

Cos I'm staring down the barrel of,

"I could do nothing now and still beat him."

Do I?

'This year, Rob and I are stepping up to the oche

at the World Darts Championship.

And it was fair to say practice had been a disaster for me.'

Shit. Ah.

'But with plenty of time to sharpen my skills,

our coach Wayne Mardle had set us our homework.'

Rom, you've got to work hard. Yeah.

Early and follow through. Rob, you are golden.

Thank you.

'Two days after our pub training session

I'd come to the O2 for the Premier League Darts Finals,

and I was under strict instructions from Wayne.'

He went, "You are golden, no need to train,

go to the darts and just be you."

Which I think's bad advice,

cos if I go to the darts and just be me,

I'll probably have 15 pints, eat chicken by a bin

and Lou will leave me.

'The Premier League Darts is a 16-week showdown

where the best players in the world battle it out

for the championship title, and tonight was the final.

I'd arrived early so our mate Wayne can fill me in

on what to expect from a huge night of darts.'

How you doing, Rob? Hello, mate. Good to see ya.

All good? I'm buzzing.

Right, you've never been to the darts before.Never.

This is the biggest final that we've ever had in terms of audience.

Really? Capacity, if you like.

'The arena was massive

and with a record crowd of 14,000 expected,

I couldn't help but think about what it would be like playing darts

in front of thousands at Ally Pally come December.'

When you play Rom at the world championships...Yeah.

..get the crowd on your side, make them love you

and then, by the end of it, if every time Rom's throwing

and he's getting booed, you will be laughing, he will be hating it

and you've got the one up, and you're better than him anyway.

And then shark it.

I don't like- You don't like the shark.

I think it's pathetic. I remember that as soon as I did it.

Leave that. Sorry.

'Talking to Wayne had got me well excited for the main event.

It was gonna go off and Rom was missing it.'

He's got to do his day job but it's difficult for him cos he has 17...

Do you know what I mean?

If he's not in Glasgow quizzing people on Weakest Link

he's in Central Africa on a journey of self discovery.

Have a day off, mate, get down the darts.

'Tour show or no tour show, I was determined to stick it

to Rob at Ally Pally so I'd come to Eastbourne prepared.'

I've got this.

You have to carry it with you all the time,

become spiritually at one with it, and apologies to Eastbourne,

if this show's bad it's because I'm focusing on this.

'My show wasn't gonna start for a couple of hours

so I had plenty of time to set up in my dressing room and practice.'

You have to check out on a double and I just couldn't get double one

so this is what I'm trying to go for every time.

Oh, that was shit.

Crap.

Shite.

'It was a bad start,

so I needed to go back to the basics that Wayne had taught me.'

There's certain bits of what I said I think would help to channel those.

For example, he did say

it was all about rhythm, routine, repetition,

early release, leave it there...

but he did also say that I had nothing about me, darts-wise.

It's all about rhythm,

routine,

and Ranganathan.

Didn't get any of those in.

'People were arriving at the O2

and soon the arena would start filling up.

But before the doors opened, Wayne had a surprise for me.'

I can't believe we're getting to practice

on Premier League Darts Final dartboard.

I'm not actually sure- Are we allowed to do this?

I don't think we are. OK, well...

No. If someone comes... I'll just be quick.

..we'll run. Let's give it a go.

Go on, have a throw. That's it. Got to leave it there, ain't I?

That's it. That's it.

You're so gonna beat Rom.

I've played on the final dartboard before the players got to practice.

Wouldn't have that in the Champions League Final, would ya?

"What's that?" "Rob Beckett's doing some keepie uppies."

Jude Bellingham's trying to come out,

"Hold off, Jude, trying to do the Baggio 7 here."

Look at that dart, did you see that? That was a nice one.

Did you feel how good it was? It felt good coming out.

That's what I mean.

Oh, my word.Don't care what anyone says, they're good.

That's good darts.

'Back in Eastbourne, I still hadn't hit a double one,

but with the audience taking their seats

I needed to get ready for the show.'

As a result of the training in the dressing room,

not only do I feel worse about darts

but I feel worse about my show tonight.

Because when you're doing a stand up show

you're supposed to imbue yourself with confidence.

Now I feel rock bottom.

'Even though I was about to step on stage,

I needed to keep my darts practice going

and luckily Wayne's wise words were still fresh in my mind.'

Literally, no matter where you are, you can practice.

OK. Early, follow through.

Early, follow through.

(CHEERING) (APPLAUSE)

'Things were looking up, I was stepping on stage with a plan

and the crowd were buzzing to see me.'

Hello Eastbourne.

'But little did they know,

nothing was going to stand in the way of my darts practice.'

Please give it up for Martin Too Smooth, what a guy.

'With a couple of hours to perform my gig...'

So good to be here, man, boom.

'..I had loads of time to sneak in some cheeky practice throws whenever I could.'

Trying to get your money's worth, do you know what I mean?

'But it turns out landing a joke was a lot easier for me

than landing a double one.'

Boom.

'Back at the O2, the moment me and 14,000 darts fans

had been waiting for was finally here.

Luke Littler was about to walk on for the Premier League Darts Final.'

ANNOUNCER: Luke The Nuke Littler.

# FLO RIDA: Green Light

'Earlier in the evening,

Luke Littler and Luke Humphries had won their semi finals,

setting up a mouthwatering rematch

of last year's world championship final.

Humphries took the win back then

so this was Littler's big chance for revenge.

It was first to 11 legs and both players got off to a flyer.'

WAYNE: Double 18.

What a shot.

What a shot.

Love darts, love darts.

'The standard was insane.'

Game shot...

It's like me and Romesh have been playing a different sport.

'And they quickly raced to five legs apiece going in to the 11.'

180.

'Then something special started to happen.'

180.

Oh, come on.

'Back-to-back 180s had them both on track

for the ultimate feat in darts, a nine dart finish.

Humphries blinked first but Littler was still on for it.

Can he?

Yes!

Can he?

Yes!

Can he?

Yes! (CHEERING)

'Unbelievably, he pulled it off and got a leg up in the final.'

Come on!

Yes, Luke!

Oh, no! I'm covered in beer.

Yes!

There is nothing that this kid, this phenom can not do.

Whooo.

Fuck you, Romesh.

Fuck you, Romesh.

Come on!

'I was wrapping up my show...'

Eastbourne, thank you so much, goodnight.

"..and it sounded like it had gone down well with the crowd,

so I had a plan.'

One of the things that Wayne said is that when we do our challenge,

the crowd are gonna be pretty hostile,

I want to simulate that by getting the crowd to be hostile to me

in a safe space,

so for my encore I'm gonna bring a dart board out

and I'm going to try and get the double one check out.

I'm gonna tell you now that there were stages to this plan.

Stage one is first of all get double one in your dressing room

when there is no pressure. That hasn't happened.

So what I need you to do is, as I step up to try

and get this double one, I need to just give me a lot of abuse, right?

OK, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa, OK.

What I'm hoping is there's some sort of miracle

and that the pressure of people shouting "I hate you

and I hope you die tonight" suddenly focus, like,

this eye straightens and I'm like a laser beam,

early release, leave it there.

Three two one, go.

(CROWD BOOING)

Shut up, shut up.

(LAUGHS)

This guy just called me a fucking (BLEEP).

(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

(APPLAUSE)

'Last throw of the day in front of 1600 fans,

I couldn't let them down, it was time for Dead Eye.'

(CHEERING) (APPLAUSE)

'Completely missing the board with my last dart

was a humiliating end to an horrific day

of darts practice.'

'At the O2, we were at the business end of the final.'

Luke, you're required 40.

'Luke had taken three leg lead.'

The roof is about to come off.

'Now he was just a few throws away

from being crowned Premier League Darts Champion,

the pressure was massive.'

138.

Luke, you require 81.

It has to go.

41.

Come on, Luke.

Come on, Luke.

To win it.

Luke, you're required 40.

Tops.

He has done it.

And the 2024

Premier League Darts Champion...

(CHEERING DROWNS ANNOUNCER'S SPEECH)

'Luke had done it, he'd won his first major trophy

and the whole place was buzzing.'

That was, and excuse my French, fucking unreal.

Sporting moment of the year, nine darter,

17-year-old won the Premier League darts in his debut season.

And I was there in the flesh,

I just feel pumped now, I feel like I've got to get training, focus,

cos before we've had little competitions

where it's been a bit close, I'm gonna annihilate him.

What, who's to say I can't get a nine darter?

'Nine months ago we kicked off our journey to go

head-to-head at the World Darts Championships at Ally Pally.

It's been a bumpy road.'

Have you let the pressure of the game get to you here?

'Particularly for me.

But this is the longest we've ever had to prepare for a challenge.'

So this is all about rhythm,

routine,

and Ranganathan.

'So with Wayne Mardle in our corner...'

Leave it there.

Yes, yes.'..and the backing of wonderkid Luke Littler...'

"Don't know him!" Respect that.

'..our route to success was simple.'

What advice would you give us? Practice.

'It was the day of our head-to-head and we'd arrived at Ally Pally early

to check in on each other's progress.'

OK.

So this is it. This is it.

Very exciting.

Stinks of beer, don't it? Yeah.

How are you feeling about

this challenge? Like, practice-wise, where are you?

Well, they gave us a dart board to practice on

and I put it in my garage, but my car's parked there,

and Wayne said, like, "Do nothing, just be you."

Yeah. And me is not practicing.

Weird strategy, going into a challenge like this

having done no practice. How much have you done?

I don't know where my dart board is. Cool, OK.

So I'm one step ahead of you. Yeah, yeah.

It could be behind the car. Yeah.

The truth is, I did do some practice at Eastbourne

and afterwards I felt much much worse about my darts

so the strategy I've taken is,

I feel like I'm the sort of darts player

who gets worse the more exposure he has to darts.

Yep.

The one thing I was hoping for was banquet style seating

and they've done that, so I do fancy my chances in that regard.

Quick medieval joust. Yeah. And, look, I'm not saying that

I don't think I'm gonna do well, but I do want to take

this opportunity to say congratulations on a great victory.

Thank you very much, cheers.

We are in a situation

where I've had a different strategy this time

because essentially I've been a keen-o wanker

for every series of Rob and Rom.

I've bought the stuff, I've done rehearsals,

for Crufts I did three, four extra sessions of training.

The only thing I have put some thought into

is my walk-on, and I want to get the crowd behind me,

so I've chosen the song Seven Nation Army

cos it actually goes # Romesh Ranga-

That's not how the actual song goes, that would have flopped.

So I'm hoping as the crowd see Romesh Dead Eye Ranganathan

come out, that chant will lift the rafters of Alexandra Palace

and they'll carry me on to the stage and then I'll fuck it completely.

'First things first, the PDC sent us backstage

to meet ref, Kirk Beavins.'

Oh, hello sir. How are you? Hiya.

Do you take bungs? (LAUGHS)

'Kirk was here to do a bit of world championship housekeeping.

We were going to the closest to the board to determine

who would throw first on the night.'

OK, here we go. OK, to go first, Rom.

Shit. Yeah, it's alright.It's alright.

OK go on, good luck, mate.

Kirk, do we want to go to go first? What's the advantage?

I mean, pro players like going first

but if you're gonna take a 100 darts to win, it probably doesn't matter.

Oh! He's coming firing.

This guy's throwing shade as well as refereeing.

Oh, good effort, yeah.

That is close.

That is close but Rob has just won it.

Oh, gutted. Just won it.

'Losing closest to the bull wasn't ideal

but Kirk had some more worrying news.'

So we're starting tonight at 6:30. Yep.

You've got 25 minutes to complete it.Oh.

How long's it normally take the pros?

Two and a half minutes. Two and a half minutes?

Yeah. Watching you guys throw, we might need full 25.OK.

'The final countdown to our head-to-head was on.

We were top of tonight's action

and, as darts fans started to fill out Ally Pally

expecting high class arrows,

they had no idea their night would be kicking off

with Dead Eye versus The Shark.

We'd been summonsed side of stage

to get ready for our match.'

(CHEERING)

Ladies and gentlemen,

it's time for a special one-on-one match.

Making his world championship debut,

they call him the Dead Eye,

all the way from Crawley, England.

Would you please welcome

Romesh Dead Eye Ranganathan.

# THE WHITE STRIPES: Seven Nation Army

'The crowd were loving my walk-on

so I was gonna give them a show.'

Ladies and gentlemen,

making his way to the oche,

would you please welcome Bromley's very own

Bobby The Shark... Come on.

..Beckett.

# PINKFONG: #BabySharkChallenge

'From the crowd's reaction,

turns out Baby Shark wasn't such a bright idea.'

This is awful.

They're booing me, it's horrible.

Well, nine months of toil and sacrifice,

nine months of dedication.

And it's Beckett to get us underway. Good luck, mate. Good luck.

One leg of darts

to decide who is the best,

the latest challenge,

it could be arguably the most difficult challenge.

Beckett's the big favourite without a shadow of a doubt,

it would be a massive embarrassment to Beckett if he lost this.

21. Can you walk this way, please?

Romesh, this way.

That way. Yeah.

Good luck, you fucking prick.

A little bit of gamesmanship early in the leg here.

I don't know how to say this quietly.

Two!

'As expected, we were bad

and the crowd were already all over me.

Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage had got in my head

and I was struggling big time.'

Two!

It's a lonely place up on that big stage.

And we are crawling in this leg.

Not yet over the halfway line,

both players have had 21 darts, the nerves are telling.

'It was slow going,

and while Rob was dealing with the WWE Hall of Famers,

I was getting it from a bunch of frogs.'

And they're getting very vocal.

'It was Eastbourne all over again.'

Can't hear ya, can't hear ya.

Taking his time.

They're still at it.

'But while Rob was crumbling under the pressure,

I was giving as good as I got.'

36.

'15 minutes in to our match,

I was dominating.'

Unbelievably, Ranganathan is in front.

'A few throws later, I'd fought my way to a realistic check out.'

Advantage to the man they call Dead Eye.

What a win this would be,

it will be the highlight of his entire career, I'm sure.

'All I needed was a double 14.'

We'll just say that,

that bounced off the wire of double 14.

He's had a match dart,

will he get any more?

'Rom was one dart away and I had a mountain to climb.'

10.

Beckett is a total mess at the moment.

'I needed to dig deep and channel my inner Waye.'

That's it, that's it.

Don't care what anyone says. That, they're good.

What is there not to like about that?

You have cracked it, pal.

Rob, you just be you, pal.

(ECHOING) You are golden.

'I needed a big score to get back into this game.'

Treble for Beckett

would have meant trouble for Ranganathan.

60.

Come on. Come on.

Romesh, you require six.

Bobby The Shark was back in the hunt.

Wow.

Now the pressure's on.

Look at that! Wow, what a celebration.

'And with Rom missing his next check out dart,

he left the door wide open for me to get right back in it.'

And there's a bit of pressure, he's on a double now.

'Finally we were both on single dart check outs.

But it had taken us over 20 minutes to get here.'

We're running out of time here. Yeah.

You are.

'The next match was due to start soon, so we needed to hit

a check out fast cos the PDC officials were getting twitchy.'

All comes down to this. Double three, bottom of the board.

One double one. You've got it.

Hang on, get back. He still needs a one.

One more dart in hand, Romesh.

No score. Double 12.

Well, he's been totally outplayed for the most part

but Rob Beckett's here for history.

Double six.

Oh, and how close was that? Ugh.

'I was literally millimetres away from the win

but the PDC had seen enough.'

Right, so we've run out of time,

one dart nearest the bullseye each of you.

'Nine months had come down to this moment,

was it going to be Dead Eye or Bobby The Shark to take the victory?'

For the title, what can Romesh come up with?

Just outside.

Beckett.

Is that it?

Game shot. It is!

And it's Bobby Beckett.

Beckett takes the spoils.

Unbelievable drama,

Ranganathan gave it absolutely everything,

he was way ahead in the leg but he blew it, he buckled it.

Look at that emotion.

Beckett wins.

That was horrible. Horrible.

And we were shit. Yeah.

Do you know what, the worst of it all, they were right, we WERE shit.

Those frogs. Yeah.

Not French people. No.Men dressed as frogs.

Yeah, but the French- A couple of French in there but...

They had sort of made the effort to move to the front of the room

to give us shit. Yeah, but what a sport.

What a great sport.

Great sport, great people, passionate, passionate fans.

They've got an energy, they've got a vibe.

Do you know what, going in the Ally Pally

you can't find an atmosphere like that

unless you're in a prison canteen. Absolutely.

On the plus side, I am now just gonna go home. What about you?

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm going back in.

Yeah, well, very jealous. Do you think I should change my top?

No, I think you need to remind people.

Do you know what I might do?

I might walk straight in there, take my top off,

find a frog, headbutt a frog.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, mate, have a good one.Happy New Year.

You going then? Dead Eye don't need a coat.

It's the saddest thing I've ever seen.

(STIFLED LAUGHTER)

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