Original subtitles

Morning.

Hey! No, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You can't park your bike here, Neil Armstrong.

-Neil Armstrong? -Yes, the cyclist. Duh!

That was Lance. Neil Armstrong went to the moon.

Well, that's where your bike will end up.

On the moon... when I chuck it out of here.

I can't leave it outside. There's a thunderstorm forecast.

Oh, okay. So then we can all park our cars here.

I'll reverse my Tazz in here.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! A bar fight so early?

No, guys. Come on.

Remember what happened the last time you had a "fight".

Just tell Kayle he can't park his bike here, okay?

Tell him to take off those little tap shoes

-and that tight dance number. -It's not a dance number.

Tjaart, it's not a dance number. It's called a retard.

Leotard. And it's not a leotard.

It's called a cycling suit, so...

-No one calls it that. -Well--

Get your bike out of here. It's in my way!

Tjaart, he can't leave his girlfriend in the rain.

Hilarious. And FYI, I actually have a girlfriend, so...

I believe you, Pinocchio.

I don't think you can handle a girlfriend.

Yes, and seat...

Seat opening. Seat...

-Okay, you go. -Yes, yes, okay. The...

The gears... no, no.

I'm going to get dressed.

-No, no, no, wait. -Wait, we're gonna burn you now.

Chain--

-Something with sex change. -I'll get it now.

What? You're lying. Really?

That's unbelievable.

You are incredible. You make my wildest dreams come true.

You don't dream big at all.

Martie organised with the prison

for the thugs to help build the rugby field.

If that doesn't scream,

"Flip, I love you and want to spend my whole life with you,"

then I just don't know.

I love you so much.

Okay. No, no!

-You don't kiss me, I kiss you. -Oh, yes.

I was wondering if we could talk about that rule.

-No. -I want to kiss you.

Yup, professional space.

Behave. Enjoy your conference. What time will you be back?

I said I'd let you know, so stop asking.

Okay.

-Okay, that's enough. -Ouch!

Nothing can ruin this day.

Oh, no.

-That's a wild one. -He is crazy.

-Who is this guy? -He is crazy.

-What now? -Look, look, Flip.

Head office had a team building.

Team building for what?

I speak under correction, but I think for team building.

Look!

Willa's on top form again.

-It looks like fun. -I'm also fun.

We also have fun.

-More than them. -Yeah.

We just don't put it on Facebook. But whose fault is that?

That thing with the balloons.

"Deluxe Meat Rustenburg have fun!

They dance in the office. Willa is so cool. Willa's so nice."

Willa dodges tax. Does he put that on Facebook?

We also have fun. A lot. Too much to count.

But it seems if you don't post it, it never happened.

No.

This thing's going. No, sorry.

It's not even a real bike with this flippen excuse of a wheel.

Kayle, your bike's outside! Where it belongs! Where's Kayle?

He said something about meeting someone in the parking lot.

Oh, crap.

I might've been intimate with Kayle's girlfriend.

A few times.

Boring.

No, really, Emma. What's going on here?

-That's our Facebook page? -What catches your eye?

I mean, nothing in particular.

Exactly. Emphasis on "nothing in particular".

Nothing's going on here. I mean, what's this?

The bulk specials

-on polony being released next week. -Does it scream "fun"?

Does it scream, "Put me in the Durban box", from a chicken's butt?

Definitely not.

Emma, I'm sorry your personal life isn't great.

-I mean, it's-- -I know loneliness,

and feeling alone, and... Sunday afternoons at 16:30.

-Okay, I'm not lonely-- -But it can't affect your work.

Unfortunately not.

But there is fun here! There is happiness here!

Much more than Willa and that lot in Rustenburg,

but it's not here.

So it doesn't count.

I'm sorry, Emma. Unfortunately, I have to fire you.

-What? -From your social media duties.

From now on, I'll do social media. Come on.

What? I don't understand.

Are you showing me something in your hand?

Give me the social media phone so I can post and fix this mess.

Okay, there isn't a social media phone, Flip.

I use my own and log in myself.

Is that why you're always on your phone?

Yes, yes.

Okay, then log me in so I can start posting.

1-9-8-0.

Same as my bank card.

Does it bother me? Not at all. The whole world is interested

in what a single, middle-aged man from Klerksdorp thinks.

Kayle, howzit.

Listen...

-that girlfriend of yours... -I'm not moving my bike, Tjaart.

-Who moved my bike? -No, no. I moved it outside...gently.

No, your real girlfriend. How long have you been together?

Why?

Can't I make small-talk with my colleague?

No, no, of course you can.

Well, this week will actually be four weeks,

and we're actually planning a little bit of a celebration. Yeah.

-I'm going to take her to-- -So you were already together.

Together what?

Hello, Internet!

We're breaking you today.

Come on, guys. We're going to make a fun video.

Have some fun, and post it.

Show those Rustenburgers what real fun is.

-I'll come in and you guys let rip. -Let what rip?

Just a cool vibe. I'll come past each of you and just improvise.

It's easy, you'll see.

Hello, people of the internet! Welcome to DPM Klerksdorp!

Your one-shop polony stop!

Let me show you the rubbish who work here.

In front, we have Auntie Miems.

Older than the mountains, but she has a lot of life in her.

-Say something nice. -Something nice.

Excuse her. She was born before radio.

This is my office. And over here, I have my right-hand.

Tjaart!

-Are you recording a video? -Yes.

And those are only two of my moves.

-Ladies, my number is-- -Okay, Tjaart!

A fact about Tjaart. He has a Down syndrome brother,

but if they stand next to each other, it's difficult

to distinguish between the two of them.

Say something. Say something. You guys are...

Next! Ah, Emma! Our rock, our North Star,

but she's very lonely and bitterly available.

Flip, no.

-No. -Yeah. Emma, give us your number.

Flip, I'm not giving you my number.

You could all be a bit more fun, okay?

You're messing this up.

I tried to sell her, but she's not a seller.

She is my PA. Or as she puts it, "My pa".

And here we have the sales department.

Joubert! Stand up.

-Jouba, get up. -No, I...

He's incredibly tall, but now he won't get up.

He's a stud, but unfortunately, he's unavailable, ladies.

He has got a girl in the Free State.

Luckily, he's tall enough that if he falls, he's basically there.

Just lighten up a bit, guys.

Tjarra!

Q... Nqobani. My black friend.

-Employee. -No, friend.

And Kayle. My English friend.

The Boers and the Brits... united.

Our Indian friend!

The sailor from Mumbai, Sinbad!

The friendliest guy in the West, but a little boring.

That's not a nice thing to say, Bossman.

Come on, Gavin. You know it's true. Prove me wrong. Do something.

You guys do yoga. Come on, do a dance.

Do a nice... "I am a cobra. I come out of a basket."

Talk with your accent. Come on, do it!

-Go on, do it! -Flip, get your phone out of my face.

Come on, guys! Gavin! Gavin! Gavin! Gavin!

Whoa!

Flip, you know you were live, right?

What does that mean?

What does Willa get for a few trust-falls in the mud?

Likes and LOLs and heart emoticons.

What do I get for a little initiative?

Spiderman app.

Jeez, that's great.

Best part is that he can't delete it because his screen's broken.

-It's bad. -Hey, Joubert.

I made out with your girl. Are you angry?

-What? -Just say I made out with Stella.

-Would you want to hit me? -Did you?

-That's not the point. -It is.

-Did you? -No. Calm down, Giraffe.

-Okay. -Just say I made out with Stella.

-But bud, like seriously made out. -Okay, yes?

But, big but,

she told me she was single.

-Am I an asshole? -Tjaart, what happened?

Okay, I think Kayle's girlfriend and I--

Did what?

-Did what, Tjaart? -Okay.

Bud, sorry you had to find out like this,

but the other night, your girl and I...

wrestled under the duvet.

Please tell me you're talking about my bicycle.

No.

Bud, I want to apologise, but she told me...

I don't--

Yoh. Imagine if I'd ridden his bicycle.

Jeez, imagine Tjaart made out with your girlfriend.

No, thanks.

-Who's Tjaart? -Who's Tjaart?

Why are you lying to me? Why does everybody always lie to me?

You know what? I've never trusted you.

I've never trusted you and look what you do to me.

I was right!

Look, I don't want you to call me.

I don't want you to message me, okay? You are dead to me.

You're dead. We're done. We're done.

Good riddance.

What?

Are you calm?

-Are all your shakiras in line? -Yes.

I don't know if you saw,

but when you threw my phone, you cracked my screen.

And I think it's only fair that you fix it.

-Are you serious? -He broke my phone.

You were damn rude to him.

And then he was rude to me.

And he ruined my video, and broke my phone.

-Three, one. He loses. -Wow, okay.

And, Gavin, it'll be much cheaper for you to fix it.

You can probably get a family discount, so...

Just to be clear, you're saying this

because all Indian families own cell phone repair shops?

In the family. Somewhere. Argue?

Flip, you're thinking of the Pakistanis.

No, Tjaart, leave them. They have enough trouble with Israel.

That's Palestine.

Okay, are we playing names, surnames, animals, towns?

Fix my phone. It's your problem if you get a family discount or not.

No.

-No? -No, not until you say you're sorry.

-For what? -For humiliating me.

-Sorry. -No, no, no.

Say it like you mean it. And do it online.

I can't because I don't have a phone.

You can borrow mine.

Fine.

Kayle, listen. I'm sorry, okay?

I really didn't know she was your girlfriend.

-Yes, but she knew, so... -Yes, but...

Bud, it didn't mean anything. You know me.

I hit it. Wham bam.

Sometimes two, three a night. I was so out of it anyway,

I can't even remember her cup-size.

-Just stop it. -Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

This is rough on me too.

How, Tjaart? How is this rough on you?

Because we had the same girl.

-I never wanted to be one with you. -What?

If you and another guy are with the same girl within 72 hours,

then for a short window period, you're basically one.

Biologically.

So that means that Kayle and I...

I have never felt so dirty in my life before.

And I've been to Margate Rage 14 times.

-Come on, are you ready? -Almost.

Come on, before I change my mind.

Huh-uh! No, no, no! I'm not doing it in front of you.

Okay, ready.

Not live.

-I want to see it before we post it. -Three, two, one...

Hello, Internet. I'm Flip Bosman, and I want to apologise.

That's it. Cut. Thank you very much.

What are you sorry about?

-Is that important? -Yes.

I am sorry...

because I just wanted to show how much fun we have here.

And then what happened?

And then...

I...

provoked our local Indian, Gavin,

because he's incredibly boring

and wouldn't do anything fun for my video.

-Flip, you can't say that. -And--

No, really. You know what? This is utter nonsense!

-What is my crime? -Flip, you are so close.

Those people from Rustenburg skip around their chairs in their office

as if it's an Aventura resort,

and I have to spew out public apologies and post them.

Where's the fun in that? No. You know what? Delete, delete.

There you go. Nice! Gavin!

Listen, don't worry. I'll fix my phone myself, okay?

I do actually have money. Not much, but it's good money.

Oh, and you can shove Fun-Flip up your backsides.

He left. Gone. Finished! And it's your fault.

Now you'll see how much fun this office can be, okay?

Just work, work, work. Come on, you guys are on the clock.

Go on.

You too, Miss Engelbrecht. Please take your equipment and leave.

-It's really not that hard. -Wow.

Look, I'm a dynamic man. I have Ying and Yen.

"Hey, Flip. Make things fun."

A frog in a bog, the bog in the frog, and green grass all around!

Easy. "Flip, make things miserable!"

Work.

-Morning, Auntie. -Oh, come here.

-It's going to be okay. -Thank you.

Just another boss. Just another day.

Do your work.

Oh, sh--

Roll call. Let's do roll call. Is everyone here?

-Was anyone late? -Yes.

Work, work, work, work. You asked for it.

Hey, Kayle. All the best for you two, okay?

I'm glad you could forgive and forget.

Oh, no. I'll never forgive her. She's dead to me.

-I thought you made up. -No.

I just saw you in the kitchen making up.

Oh, no. That's my sister.

Sick, man. Are you dating your sister?

What?

Oh!

No!

So it wasn't his girlfriend, it was his sister.

But apparently, that's not a good thing.

-You were intimate with my sister? -Bud, that's great news.

-No, Tjaart, that's worse. -How's that worse?

You crossed the line.

You crossed the bloodline with sweet, little Louise.

She did sweat, bud.

-I'll tell you that. -She's my only little sister.

She's four-foot--

Can you guys please work?

-Tjaart-- -Full stop.

It's your own fault.

What now?

Tjaart had a one night stand with my sister.

Well, it wasn't really a stand. It was... stand, lying down, squat.

There was a somersault.

Wait, sister? I thought it was your girlfriend.

-His sister is his girlfriend. -No, no! Louise is my sister.

-Louise. -My girlfriend's Jan...

Oh!

Oh, Janice! Oh, sweet Janice!

How could I have known she was your sister?

Who spends the night with a girl without asking about

their family, their history, and political party of choice?

I mean, who does that?

-Kayle, where are you going? -Just going for a poopie.

Janice, please. Please! It was such a misunderstanding.

No, please forgive... I'm literally on my knees here!

I'm-- I'm...

Janice, please. No, no, no, don't go. No, Janice--

Hello? Hello, Janice?

Oh, come on!

-Okay, guys. See you tomorrow. -Cheers.

Hey. Hey, no.

What are you doing? It's not even raining.

No, no, no, it's not. It's not, Tjaart.

But I've decided you're the only one who has a problem with the bike here,

so because you did...

I don't want to know what you did with my sister--

You don't want to.

I'm going to leave my bike here until you apologise for being with her.

Okay, sorry. Move.

And promise never to be with her again.

-Nope. Can't. -Come on, Tjaart!

There has got to be ground rules

for colleagues not to have sexual relations with your siblings.

Bud, your sister is an English girl in Klerksdorp.

-It's a unicorn! -Okay, okay, okay!

Hey, let's sort this thing out.

Kayle, you don't want Tjaart to do your sister again.

Do hard.

Okay, Tjaart, you don't want Kayle to park his bike in the office.

-Yes. -Yes.

Okay, a race around the office. Winner keeps doing what he's doing.

-Okay. -Nice!

No, no, that's silly.

-Bud, I'll waste you. -Oh, is it?

-Okay. Never. -So race me.

It's on. It's on.

-Okay, let's go. -Race outside!

-Come on. -Are we doing side bets?

-Why not? -I need to get to an ATM.

Draw for me too! My code is 1-9-3-6.

-Post-it notes are okay for now. -Okay.

Chips, chips, chips. Flip, Flip!

Where do you think you're going?

I'm praying, while you guys do nothing.

Sit. Work.

-We'll race during lunch. -Lunch is cancelled.

-Oh, okay. -Who are you calling?

Department of Labour. I'm just double-checking something.

Okay, no. You can do whatever you want during lunch.

But if you pitch up here a second after two o'clock,

I'm warning you...

That's it, I'm warning you. Sit. Work.

Long day.

Lunch!

-Five hundred on Kayle! -Okay, 500 for Emma on Kayle.

-Three hundred on Tjaart. -Really, Gavin?

Everybody's betting on you. If I win, I win big, hey?

-Thanks, Gavin! -R100 on me.

Okay, great. The rules are simple.

Run around the building. Touch the container.

First one back, wins. Are we happy?

-Nope. -Who's the fastest of the two?

-We're trying to find out, Auntie. -Okay.

On your marks!

-Ready! -Ladies and gentlemen!

The fastest man in the world! Flip Bosman!

I'll be right with you! I'm just running in slow motion!

-Hey! -Hey, Flip.

-Yes! -Flippie!

-Sir! -Flip!

Welcome to the Under-40s office race! The guys seem to be all warmed up!

-Welcome, Flip. -Thank you, Goliath,

but you're probably here for the high jump!

Okay, do you want to place a bet?

-Yes, yes, I do. -Okay.

But let's make it more fun. Let's up the ante, okay?

R1 000!

-On? -Each one.

That means you'll lose R1 000 no matter what.

-Yup. -Okay.

On your marks, steady, go!

-Oh, wow! -Go!

-Come on! -Go, go, go!

-Come on, come on! -Go!

-Come on, Kayle! -If you win...

If the preacher leaves the pulpit, does the congregation stop believing?

Whether they want to or not, they can't help it.

DPM Klerksdorp is fun.

Take that, Willa.

-You'll post it, right? -Yeah, yeah.

-Come on, come! -Go, Kayle!

-Yes, yes, yes! -Go, Tjaart!

-Let's go, let's go! -Come on, Kayle!

Yay!

-Yeah, yeah! -Yes!

-Where's my money? -Tjarra, Tjarra, Tjarra!

-Tjarra, Tjarra, Tjarra! -Sorry.

-Tjarra, Tjarra, Tjarra! -He was so fast.

-Tjarra, Tjarra, Tjarra! -So fast.

Does the winner have something to say?

-Bike out, sister in! -Crazy.

Come in!

-Another one sorted out. -Flip.

-I'll go fix your phone. -No, it wasn't your fault.

Yeah, I know. It's just...

I actually have a cousin who fixes phones.

-I knew it! -And you'll get the family discount.

-Well played, my lord. -We are all connected.

Good.

-I'll go now. Give me the phone. -Okay. Thank you.

My brother.

Not sure about that discount now. Okay, bye.