Original subtitles

That's true, I don't have money.

Okay, Gavin.

"This month, Pisces can expect...

to experience personal growth and a relaxed life."

My wife's away this week.

-These things know. -Nice.

Now to figure out what to do with my daughters.

I'll help.

March 2004's Huisgenoot magazine.

They'll never know.

Okay, Leo. Do me.

Check Simba, bud.

"Your heart is caught in a conflict.

You try to ignore it,

but it'll remain a problem until you make a move."

-Devils! -It takes one to know one.

That is the mark of the beast.

Flip, these things do predict love, you know?

No, they predict death of the soul.

Oh, sir. Auntie Petro from the butchery

said to let you know that her daughter is available again.

Her husband died in a terrible accident.

Nice, Flippa.

-She's a bit on the butch side. -She is a beast.

I want a wife, not someone to move my fridge.

Thanks.

Okay, coward. Let's do yours. What are you?

A Christian. Put away that stuff.

If I wanted to go to hell, I would've read Harry Potter.

Thank you.

It bubbles in me because I'm so happy!

So, they want me to believe that the stars,

which are way out there,

will tell me what will happen this week.

How does the Southern Cross know what's going on in my heart?

My cardiologist doesn't even know.

-Can I borrow your calculator? -Yeah, yeah.

Give this to Q.

Why?

They like sour milk.

No, no.

No, no, no, Auntie.

You can't just assume they're all the same.

You can't just make assumptions about people, Auntie.

What?

It's like me assuming, because you speak Afrikaans,

that you like Bok van Blerk.

But I do.

I would never have guessed.

Okay, you give me what you assume I like

as an English South African speaking person.

You like putting glass in women and children's food.

No, that's history.

And not very nice.

Twenty-four thousand children.

That is too many.

Okay.

Shake it off.

Come, give me one thing of the English South African culture.

Just give me one.

-Just give me-- -I can't think of anything.

Okay.

-This number-cruncher will burn out! -Yeah.

Joubert's losing his virginity today.

-No, Tjaart. -His contract virginity.

He has got a fat girl on the line!

He landed the correctional services contract.

-Yes. -It's huge.

Proud of you, my boy.

Okay, okay. Thank you, Flip.

I doubt Joubert's Grade 5 time capsule note to himself would've said

that in 15 years I'd land the biggest polony contract in Klerksdorp.

But here I am.

For some reason, I'm a little excited.

Here, at this old desk,

I made some big deals here.

Massive. Flippa was a machine.

Big shoes.

Wow... okay.

-Time for inspiration. -Yeah.

Your whole life, people told you that you're not good enough.

No one has ever said--

Take it in. You are.

Take it from Klerksdorp's top polony seller.

You've got what it takes.

-Do you hear me? -Thank you.

You will get this contract.

You've got that dog in you.

Let him loose.

Let him loose.

Thank you.

What are you guys doing?

Just do it.

What is it?

Haven't you seen Wolf of Wall Street?

-No. -Good movie. A bit long.

Martie, Martie. Hello.

-Joubert. -Oh, hi!

-Welcome. Good to see you. -Yeah.

-Thanks for coming. -Hello, ma'am.

Flip Bosman, but everyone here calls me 'Boss'.

Except for Nqobani. To him, I'm just friend or an equal.

Hello, Boss. I'm Martie.

No, no. To you, I'm just Flip.

Flip to you. Flip you.

And I'm Tjaart. I keep the polony cold.

Okay, Tjaart. That's not important.

It's actually damn important.

-Yes, it's important. -We've spoken on the phone for ages.

-Nice to put a face to the voice. -Yes.

That's what everyone said in 2021 at Innibos.

That's a good one.

-We can go through there. -Yes.

Martie, can I make you some coffee?

That would be nice, thanks.

-Okay. -I'll also make you coffee.

-Do you want two? -Tjaart, come on.

-Let's go through. -Okay.

Divorced, two kids.

You reckon?

My divorce-radar is tuned in, bud.

She's fair game.

Tjaart, no. She laughed at my joke.

Yes, okay, she wants you.

-You win, but the next one's mine. -Okay.

A divorce-dar is like gaydar, but it picks up divorced women.

And I'm deadly accurate.

I knew Bobby's relationship was over before he did.

No, I can't. I can't.

What?

That flippen Auntie couldn't list one thing that's part of my culture.

Not one.

South African culture?

English South African culture.

That is niche.

Oh... padel.

It's a thing you love.

I've seen you...

Excuse me.

Sorry, everyone. Kayle here.

So, you all think that English South Africans don't have culture.

Okay, well, we have lots of culture. Let me tell you.

Okay, we like to sing.

We like to dance.

Everybody has those things.

Thanks. Well, Gavin wants to get specific. Okay.

Johnny Clegg. Boom.

You mean the guy who literally stole my culture

because he knows that you guys don't have your own.

Burn.

Well, forgive us for trying to embrace other people in this country.

Alright, movies.

Invictus.

Hollywood.

Clubs.

Clubbing.

We like to squeak some tekkie, hey?

-A lot of people do that. -Come on, Gavin!

But you gave us Woolies.

-There! -No, no.

Not culture. Privilege.

Also, Jews.

-I know what you're good at. -Yeah, yeah.

You blame only Afrikaans people for Apartheid.

Tell them, Tjaart.

-Shots fired! -Well, I mean, if you think about it.

-You did it again. -What?

He did it again!

I think your best thing is probably talking to the manager.

So you guys think we don't have culture.

-That's what you're saying. -Kayle, your culture is clearly...

not having culture.

We have culture.

We've got lots of culture.

Culture.

It's literally an English word.

You got my email with all the documents.

And we'll only look at an increase in the new financial year.

Where did you go to school?

Excuse me?

Flip, I want to go through this--

No, no, no, I...

I want to know where my polony is going.

Well, murderers and rapists.

Okay. Rapists.

Bad.

No, no, but you. Where...

Where are you from?

It's difficult to say. I went to many schools.

Uh-oh! Troublemaker.

No, my dad moved around a lot.

Oh, my dad drank too much.

Yup.

Alcohol destroys families.

Sometimes it's nice, if you take it easy.

-What do you drink? -Flip, I'd really like to--

Sorry, sorry, it's urgent.

Flip, your financial manager called.

He asked if he can press enter on that second jet-ski.

-Tell him to go ahead, but he-- -Oh, for f-- sakes.

Not now, Tjaart.

I'm sorry.

I have to drop my kids off at the dam.

The toilet is down the passage, on the left.

-No, Tjaart. -Oh.

No.

I have to physically drop my kids off at a party at the dam.

Okay, I'm sure there toilets there.

-Tjaart! -No.

My flippen ex dropped me.

-Ex. -Yes, I heard.

I can drop your kids off for you.

Oh, wow.

-I don't mind. -Thank you, but I...

I don't think I'm comfortable with that.

-I'll pop in tomorrow. -I literally need five minutes--

Joubert...

family first, okay.

Martie, we'll see you tomorrow.

Thank you.

Chivalry is not dead.

No, no, I don't like to jump the gun with this kind of stuff.

I get too excited and get disappointed.

Story of my life.

I will say this.

Damn classy woman.

With two kids.

The perfect number. It's what I've always wanted.

Let's just say...

I can see myself being her husband.

And a father to them.

It'll be hard work, sure.

School-runs.

Watching hockey.

Rugby, if she has a son.

I'll have a poster at prize-giving saying,

"Your dad's proud of you".

Your biological dad too, because he's standing next to me.

Cause we braai together

and he's just too happy that I saved his ex-wife and kids.

There I go again.

Oh, Flip.

Auntie Miems, you look lovely.

Flowers in water.

Is it my birthday?

No, no, only next year.

I'll bring you flowers one day.

For your funeral.

Uh-oh!

Here's some pants with plans.

Here's some pants with plans!

-Easy, easy, easy. -No, no, I know that face.

Okay, Tjaart.

Be cool.

Be cool.

Jeez, he's cool.

How will I lose the contract?

Short answer.

Flip.

Long answer.

Flip Bosman.

Morning, Auntie.

Lovely day, isn't it?

Guys, guys.

Kayle here.

I just-- So, last night I...

I went down my family tree and it turns out...

I'm an Afrikaner.

-Oh, wow. -Yeah.

Jumping ship so soon?

Please explain in excruciating detail.

I can, actually.

My grandfather's mother was a Pretorius.

And she married a Brit,

and then he, you know, obviously took her name from her.

Yet another thing the Brits took from you poor Afrikaners.

Exactly, exactly.

That's quite something.

You lucky fish. I wish I were Afrikaans.

Oh, Gavin.

Tell Flip you're Afrikaans. He'll love it.

He doesn't need to know.

No, no, I'll tell him in my own time.

I just wanted to share this self discovery with my dear friends.

So, I don't even know what to make of it yet.

It's a lot, but you can't deny blood. You just can't.

So, thank you for listening and for your understanding.

Hey, well done.

-Thanks. -And shot for apartheid.

-Hey, what? -Well, you're Afrikaans now, right?

Thank you, boss.

There's my champ.

-Jouba. -My big guy.

Sorry you couldn't close yesterday, but today is another day.

-Yeah. -Chin up.

-Half time. -Yes.

Bomb squad incoming.

Did... she say what time she'd be here?

No, no, I don't know yet.

-Find out for us. -Yeah, sure.

So, those stars...

What do they say about love for Cancer this week?

Let's see.

It says, "This is the month of love".

It's probably your bride.

Flippa.

And those things know.

It said I was poor, and I am.

Devils.

Don't mess with the stars.

I hear you, Joubert, but...

who would've made it all?

Okay, Romeo. What's the plan?

Okay, my plan is failsafe.

I'm going to spoil her rotten. She says, "That's too much".

I'll say, "What do you mean?" It's only to sweeten the contract.

She says, "Wow, I wish it was for me".

I say, "Well, it is. So now what?"

Genius.

This man is a genius.

-Flip. -Is Martie here?

-No... Oh, that's nice. -Thank you.

So, I thought about your pep talk yesterday.

Thanks for that, by the way. It inspired me.

And I think you're right.

I can do this.

So, I'll tackle this on my own.

I'll reel her in by myself.

-Thanks. -Joubert, okay...

First of all,

thank you.

But...

you're not good enough.

You don't have what it takes.

You're not ready.

So, I'll help you with this one.

But thank you.

Thanks for that.

Just a quick one.

Don't you think I should do it alone?

You know, like, maybe trust me and let me give it a go?

-No, thanks. -Okay.

Thanks for wanting to, but...

no, thank you.

Okay.

-Thank you. -No, thank you.

-Thank you. -Thank you.

-Flippa, can I go? -Thank you, Tjaart.

Thanks.

Okay, guys.

I'm English again.

Sorry for the back and forth.

-Final answer? -Yep, that's me.

So not an Afrikaner anymore?

It's too heavy.

I mean, there's just so much racism and oppression.

-It's a-- -Excuse me?

I mean, it's a lot to swallow.

You guys carry a lot.

A lot, and good luck with that.

-Thanks for coming through again. -No problem.

Chips, chips!

-I'm grateful. -Sorry about yesterday.

No, please don't mention it.

What?

Welcome, Martie.

Oh, wow.

Strawberry?

Polony?

Cream puff?

No, thanks.

What is this?

It's a surprise, is what it is.

It's standard.

Chivalry is not dead?

-Bubbles? -No.

It won't be good for anyone if I start drinking now.

Taste, just a taste.

Can we keep the champagne until we've signed everything?

-Joubert, I need to see you outside. -Rain check, Tjaart.

This polony has your name on it. Literally.

Martie, let's take that tour we spoke about.

No, no, we need to stop them.

I've got you, bud. I've got you.

Left butt-cheek, left butt-cheek!

Do you think she liked it?

-Yes, bud. It was perfect. -Okay.

Nothing is manufactured on the premises.

We move everything from here.

And the cold-chain doesn't break four degrees.

-So, from a health perspective-- -Listen, it's polony.

Hey!

-Are you laughing without me? -Hey, Joubert, come check this trick.

It's okay, Tjaart.

Sorry, that was my favourite song. We do that for all our clients.

Oh, I almost felt special.

For all our clients named Martie!

So, you may feel special.

Speaking of special.

I'm building a rugby field for special children.

Big heart.

-Charity... I thought if I don't-- -Give me a minute.

Yes.

-You're messing this up, Joubert. -I'm messing it up?

Flip, can't work his magic with you in the way.

I'm telling you we can.

Thanks, guys. I'm happy with everything.

Send me a quote to present.

I appreciate the trouble, but I must go.

-Everything okay? -Yes.

Just don't get married and have kids with a total narcissist.

Hey.

Do you need a hug?

Don't think, just do it.

Thank you.

How does she smell, bud? How does she smell?

Like wedding cake.

Okay, it probably wasn't that bad.

Get me that pig's number.

Okay, Flippa.

Martie's going to marry you after this.

-Please let's talk about this. -Remember, he's your bitch.

Flip, listen.

Forget the contract for a second.

As your friend, I'm telling you this is a terrible idea.

-Please. -Joubert, shut up.

-It's ringing, it's ringing. -Put it on speaker.

It's not too late, Flip. It's not too late.

Afternoon. Dawie speaking.

Dawie, this is Flip Bosman.

-Yes, how can I help? -Say it's the wrong number.

-Shut up, Joubert. -No, no...

Your ex-wife, Martie, was at our company this afternoon.

Martie? Is she okay?

Yes, yes, she's fine.

No, no, no, she's not okay.

She's physically healthy and nice--

What's going on? I'm confused. Can I help?

-Sorry, wrong number. -Shut up, Joubert.

-He's your bitch! -What?

Dawie...

-Stop being nasty to her. -What?

She's going through a difficult time and you're not helping.

So, stop it.

Okay?

And that's final!

-Do you hear me? -Okay.

-This is a message from Flip Bosman! -Bosman!

Okay, she's going through a difficult time?

-Yes! -I'm going through a difficult time.

She deserves to suffer for a change.

Okay, listen, pal. I'll come sort you out--

Wait, are you her new boyfriend?

Maybe.

I really hope she doesn't constantly cheat on you.

You know what? I--

I'm done with this.

She can do whoever and whatever she wants.

I flippen loved her.

But this is her third affair. It's not a game anymore.

If she comes home for a third time--

You made that guy cry, bud.

Martie Vosloo.

You dark horse.

Come on, Flippa.

Big sips.

Come on, you're in shock.

-It's hot. -Just for the edge.

It's bad, isn't it?

It's bad. I have to move on.

-No, no, no. -It's bad.

Bud, Dawie's a bitch.

-That's probably why she cheated. -It's not right, Tjarra.

Remember, Shandré cheated on me.

It was brutal.

What did I do? I drove to that guy's house and shook his hand.

He won, fair and square.

He's still a good pal.

Johnny. You know Johnny.

We went shooting yesterday again.

So what I'm saying is, Martie is a winner.

And, Flippa, I know you're a winner.

Now, two winners together...

You're at the Olympics Games of love, bud.

-She cheated. -I cheat.

I cheat when I play UNO with my brother.

He thinks we're playing Snap.

The point is, I win.

Flippa.

Have you never done anything wrong?

"Let whoever is without sin

be the first to cast a stone at her."

The Bible.

There aren't big or small sins.

I snuck into Loftus without paying.

She cheated on her husband a few times.

The important thing is that you learn from your mistakes.

The way I see it, I'm reaping the rewards.

She got this cheating thing out of her system.

So Flippie comes in,

and everything-- Oh, fu...

-Where is he? -Martie.

Did you call my ex-husband?

Did you? Did you call him?

Yes... I did. I put my foot down.

-He won't be a problem anymore. -Wow.

-I literally don't know what to say. -You can say thank you.

It's unprofessional on every level.

-In what life do think you can-- -Okay, Martie.

I can see you're angry.

Oh, yes. I'm furious!

You'll calm down in a while and reflect on this.

Then you'll see I did it to help you.

-To help? -And my intentions are only good.

Yes, and...

and then you'll call me

for a date.

Because you'll realise there aren't many options

for a divorced woman with two kids who cheated on her husband.

No, no, keep up.

-Okay. -So, he was English.

Then he became an Afrikaans Pretorius.

-And now he's-- -Now he's Zulu.

No.

Now he's English again.

-Wha-- -No, it's hilarious.

Excuse me. Joubert, hello?

What?

Yes, yes, yes.

Okay. Yes.

Okay, we'll chat later.

Okay.

Okay, bye.

What now?

-That was Martie. -Yes?

We've got the contract.

-What? -Yes.

No ways. What a relief.

Well done.

-Gosh. -Yes.

Thank you.

-Madness. It's crazy. -You can say that again.

That is crazy.

-Yeah. -Insanely crazy.

The reason Flip got hurt is because he was hard when she slapped him.

A slap has to be absorbed, then it doesn't hurt.

Okay, Kayle. Slap me.

That's a trap, and I...

Is it because I was Afrikaans for a day?

No. What? Why?

-Someone slap me. -I'll do it.

Jeez, no. You have to slap like a girl.

-No, no. Absorb it. -Tjarra.

-Tjarra! -Okay.

-Tjarra. -You're making me--

"Hi, Flip. Pick me up at seven o'clock on Saturday.

I'll choose the restaurant. I'll send the address.

XX, Martie."

Buddy.

I miss the Tuesday night movies at the Brooklyn Mall.

I miss the wrestling sessions when I roll over you.

I miss the Sally Williams nougat at the Groenkloof Spar.

I miss the soft leather seats of your new car.

I miss coffee with foam and your tight jeans.

I miss your hands holding mine in a movie scene.

I miss your name on my phone in your SMS.

I miss your mouth and your hands and also all the rest.

I miss Sunday morning breakfast and your DStv.

I miss the love you promised to give me.