Original subtitles

New wheels.

Nice.

Nice, Auntie Miems!

I'm not deaf, sweetie.

Yeah, you're clearly blind.

You haven't said anything about my new chair.

You have a new chair.

Tell everyone.

Oh, sorry, bud.

This thing has sport mode on.

Joanne, what do you weigh?

None of your beeswax.

Let me guess, 75.

This thing can take four of you.

-Are you planning on getting fat? -No.

But I might invite a guest or two over.

Take those girls for a spin.

Cheers, virgins.

He wasn't talking to me.

So your chair has two levels, mine has four.

-That's one. -Okay.

Two, three...

-Then you're-- -Whoa! Gavin, nice shirt.

-Nice shirt. -Wow!

Oh, my word. Just look at that.

You are killing that look, man.

It's not new-new, it's fairly new.

Your wife's one lucky lady.

-Guys, guys... -It's just a shirt.

So, normal people will get a new chair and say,

"Hey, check out my new chair."

But not Tjaart.

So I sent an e-mail to everyone in the office

telling them to make a fuss about Gavin's shirt.

Everyone except Tjaart.

He has worn that shirt to the office before, so...

Is that sea-sprite or duck-egg?

Because it's blowing my mind right now.

It's a grey shirt. It's an ordinary--

Why are you looking at another guy's shirt anyway, Kayle?

Are you Hannon or something?

Hey, did you get my e-mail?

Yup.

Gavin, you look identical to James Bond right now.

James Bond?

Gavin?

Nice chair, Tjaart.

F--- you, man.

In about 20 minutes.

Okay.

-I'm going out. -Cheers!

I'm leaving, Auntie.

Morning, morning.

Flippa, what's wrong?

Bud, you're scaring me.

Flippa, talk to me.

-The gala's on. -What?

The gala is on.

The gala.

The gala is on.

The gala's on!

-The gala's on! -Put it here, put it here.

Let me polish those drinking shoes.

They're shining. They're shining.

Polish them. Polish them. Polish them.

Sakkie Venter calling to chat

is like Father Christmas calling to say,

"Christmas has moved. It's today!

And my sack is full of brandy, Cokes and steak.

Merry Christmas!"

Auntie Miems, pack the sakkie-sakkie.

-I can't, sir. -Why not?

-Goodness. -Good grief. What happened?

I kept my hands on the stove for too long again.

Auntie, I'd love to hear about it, but I don't have time.

Emma, pack the sakkie-sakkie.

Sorry to slow you down, but what is a sakkie-sakkie?

Okay, pack Panado's, five packs of Grandpa, ten plasters,

a kilogram biltong, a family pack Quality Street,

and a meat thermometer.

Who's this guy, the pope?

Don't be ridiculous. The pope doesn't drink karate water.

Sakkie Venter is Flip's biggest client ever.

-He's what we call a Mufasa. -A what?

He owns a pig farm and he has ten OK Bazaars.

He sells his meat to us,

we make polony, and sell his meat back to him.

Circle of life. Mufasa.

Pack the bag.

Jouba, help her.

No, no, it's fine. It's cool, I've got it.

Okay. Kitchen, kitchen.

I must hand it to Flip.

In his day, he was an incredible salesman.

Like the Naas Botha of his time.

But not all players should coach, if you catch my drift.

He's a horrible manager, if you didn't catch my drift.

Sorry that you have to sit here and do all the work,

but we're taking one for the team.

-We have to work. -I'm going to work hard too.

My liver's going to work hard.

Joubert, we're leaving in 15 minutes.

No, no, no, wait.

-Is he going with us? -I really don't have to--

I'll go.

You can sit, Brit.

He hasn't met Sakkie yet and he's looking after my clients.

So, yes, you're going.

We just have one small problem.

What?

My drinking shoes are dirty.

I mean, I can't go out like this.

-Not like that, right? -No, no, no.

Someone should polish them.

-You're right. -Tjarra, polish his drinking shoes.

-Polish my drinking shoes, Tjarra. -Polish his drinking shoes.

-I'm not polishing your-- -He can't go out like that in public.

-Come on, make them shine. -Thanks, Tjaart.

-The other one, the other one. -There you go.

You guys are testing me today!

No one sits in that chair, and that's a terrible shirt!

You look nothing like James Bond.

I'm getting the car.

Emma, look after my auntie, okay?

Yeah, so Joubert has a girlfriend.

I didn't know he had a girlfriend.

Apparently, everyone knew he had a girlfriend,

except me.

But I mean, he didn't have to mention her or anything.

It's actually weird that he didn't, but...

I mean, now I know too.

Sorry, what was the question?

The contract is a done deal, right?

It is and it isn't.

If you say the wrong thing, it could explode in your face.

And Flip hasn't said the wrong thing in 20 years?

Yes, I have many times.

Uncle Sakkie gets so out of it, he doesn't remember anything.

Oh, jeez. There he is.

He's one ahead of us already.

Listen, who's driving home?

Sakkie!

Yes, here's the rubbish.

-Here's the rubbish. -Yes, yes!

Did you polish your drinking shoes?

They're shining, Uncle. Shining!

Order a few karate waters. I'll be right there.

Nice!

Listen, Johan.

We'll pay her out instead,

but she mustn't touch the farm.

If she wants to leave me she must leave my land alone too.

-Thank you. Okay. -Regards to the missus.

DPM, good morning.

Morning, Adrian.

Yes.

I was born under a desk at a factory where my mother worked.

This isn't a reason to lie around at home.

Then Flip said to the guy,

"If that's the price of your pig, I'll take the donkey instead."

Nastashia, may I just say you look incred--

F--- you, Tjaart.

There you go.

Enjoy.

I deserve that.

Tjaart, you rascal.

I don't learn, Uncle. I just don't learn.

What would you say if you could talk, Smoothie?

I'm just a student today, Uncle.

I watch how the masters operate.

He's your new contact.

I've been climbing the ranks.

To the big boss on the door.

Big boss on the door.

Guys, before we talk business,

a few things have changed on my side

which complicates things for me a little.

I wanted you to hear it from me first

because rumours run rife in this town.

How so, Uncle?

I'm going to say something and then we carry on.

It's not pleasant for me.

I don't want you to treat me any differently.

-No, no. -No, no, never.

I'm gay.

Well, that's settled then. I'm going for a piss.

-Did he just say-- -"I'm gay."

Just shows you.

Okay, okay. Gay, gay, gay. That changes everything.

-Why? -Because he's gay, Joubert.

-So? -His life choices change.

His wife's not good enough for him anymore.

Soon, our polony also won't be good enough.

-Yeah. -No, he loves you guys.

Yes, it makes sense now.

He must keep liking us.

Joubert.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. -What?

-How will that-- -Make him feel good.

Why me?

Bud, he knows I'm not gay.

Nastashia. Case in point,

Flippa is a show horse.

-It's just you. -And he already likes you.

Mr Smoothie.

Yeah, he's flirting.

-Yeah, yeah. -You're there. You're in.

-I'm not touch-- -No, no.

-No. -No moustache weaving or anything.

Stroke his ego.

-Compliments. -Make him feel good about himself.

-Imagine he's Stella. -No, definitely not.

-Chips, chips, chips. -I'm not going--

-I won't-- -Hey, welcome back, you beauty.

Hey!

"Hey, Joubert. Come to a steakhouse for bottomless brandies and Cokes.

It'll be fun.

By the way, a 60-year-old gay guy just came out of the closet

and you have to chaff him."

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I wish I were at the office.

-There's a delivery in the parking-- -Fantastic!

Hurry, sweetie.

Thank you.

You parcel, Auntie.

Guys.

I think I just picked up

an ice-cream tub of drugs from Auntie Miems' dealer.

Wait, what?

What type of drugs?

I don't know. It looked like cookies,

but it smells a lot like dagga.

Is it a white BMW? The guy has a grey hoodie.

Yeah?

Yeah, Taps. The best dealer in Klerksdorp.

Miems, not your standard Voortrekker auntie, hey?

I smell biscuits!

Sharing is caring.

Auntie Miems, share a cookie.

They're special cookies.

And why are they special?

There's dagga in them.

Yay!

Help yourselves. There's a lot.

I don't know about this, guys. We're at work.

Hey, if they can drink during work surely we can have a cookie.

Say no more.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yummy.

Only one each, okay?

Cheese is boss.

Emma, come eat a f--- cookie.

So how long before lift off?

Hour, hour and a half.

Nice, isn't it?

This is so naughty.

Don't be scared now, Youngblood.

Eat, girl, eat.

So, last year and the year before we didn't make any price adjustments

because we knew there was pressure on you guys in the meat market.

You guys... you big, strong guys.

But we'll have to look at a minimum of a five percent increase.

Yes, but remember, last year and the year before,

a woman wasn't trying to take half my farm.

Uh-oh.

-Yes, of course, that too. -Yeah.

-It rains, it pours, right, Uncle? -Yes.

It's pouring, my friend.

But at least it's nice when it rains on the farm.

A fireplace, a blanket, nice and cosy...

Okay, Uncle.

Three and a half percent. Can we shake on it?

Let me drink on it.

Nastashia!

-He's tough. -Every time.

Speaking of shaking hands...

I need to tinkle.

-Excuse me. -Tinkle?

He's good.

Don't miss me too much.

Is that guy gay?

-Fat gay. -Gay, gay, gay.

The gayest. Detests women.

I should introduce him to Tobie.

My sister's boy.

They're about the same size.

But isn't he your size, Uncle?

Don't you want to climb in there?

Do you guys think I'm gay?

-Yes. -Yes, yeah.

You said there was something big you had to tell us,

and then you told us you were gay.

I'm getting a divorce.

-Yes, because you're gay. -No, not that.

I'm getting divorced. "I said, "I'm getting divorced".

Oh.

We are so sorry.

That's classic.

That is really classic.

I'm getting divorced.

I'm gay.

-Yes! -Yeah!

-You can hear it, right? -I'm gay.

I'm gay. I'm the gayest man.

That deserves a stiff one.

-With love. -Nastashia!

-I'll drink with love. -I welcome this one.

I'm gay.

Almost exactly the same.

Good for you for coming out.

What can I get you?

Your strongest, manliest shot.

-Yeah. -Strawberry lips coming up.

I'm calling Tobie. He works around the corner.

You'd think he was the only gay man in Klerksdorp.

The poor guy doesn't meet anyone.

But this...

This is great, guys.

Listen, Tobie.

I have good news for you.

Hey, Joubert.

Joubert.

Hey!

-Hi, my champie. -Hey, man.

Guys, I don't think I can do this gay thing.

No, no, bud. You're nailing it.

He one-hundred-percent thinks you're gay.

Thank goodness.

So, good news and bad news.

Good news is you don't have to go for Uncle Sakkie anymore.

-He's not gay after all. -What?

-Really? -Misunderstanding.

Okay!

Okay, shit. Okay.

The bad news is...

his godchild is gay and he's on his way here...

for a date with...

No.

No, no, I won't--

You have to. There's no turning back now, Joubert.

If he finds out we lied about you being so, so gay...

-So, so, gay. -that contract will be tickets!

-Tickets. -You guys can't...

We'll all be out on the street.

All of us on the street, pappa.

Go on, give him a drink.

-Come on, big sips. -You'll need it, bud.

The whole thing, the whole thing.

Hello!

Hey, Joubert. Good to meet you.

Tobie.

Okay.

Chivalry is not dead.

Nope.

Points, Joubert.

-One, two, three. -Okay.

That chair's got my name on it.

Okay, okay, okay.

Just an observation,

but I think Auntie Miems is in a lot of pain.

Because these cookies are...

staunch.

Watch it.

Wait, wait, wait!

Gavin!

-Polony! -Polony!

-Gavin! -Gavin!

Come on, come on.

-Here we go again. -Okay.

Hey.

Oh, shit.

Is that supposed to be like that?

Oh, shit.

That's Tjaart's chair.

Three and a half percent.

Thank you, Uncle.

Nice.

Do you think these people have more brandy?

I hope so.

-Grab him, Joubert! -Hey, Tjarra.

Ignore him. He's not used to anything.

To answer your question,

I'd like him to ask me to marry him.

Yeah, I'd rather be asked.

Can you believe it?

Isn't that something?

Let's just quit while we're ahead.

I'm joking.

We're nowhere near that yet.

Yeah, yeah.

I haven't seen you around.

Are you new to the scene?

Very.

You actually have no idea how new.

Well, I know how difficult it is to meet someone in Klerkies.

It's very difficult.

A group of us play padel on Fridays.

I'll add you to the group.

You know, I have a hectic knee injury.

Padel has little to do with it...

if you know what I mean.

Yes.

What's your number?

My number.

My number is...

08...

No, no, I can't. I--

I--

I'm straight.

I'm not gay.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

-Is this a joke? -No.

Is this a sick joke?

I wish it were. I had to pretend to be gay for your uncle.

-He's not gay. -I know that now.

That's not cool, but you know what?

-Whatever. Whatever. -Tobie...

You know what? I'm a man and I have feelings.

And Uncle, next time, don't set me up with a straight guy.

What?

-Yoh. -That's news to me.

-Joubert, you're gay. -Be gay, Joubert.

Flip!

I know you like your jokes, but this is low.

No, Uncle Sakkie. Uncle Sakkie!

Okay, well, I'm going to make out with Nastashia in the bathroom.

Thanks for nothing, Joubert.

-In my office. -No, leave me alone.

No, wait.

Uncle Sakkie!

Do you think he's gonna notice?

No, no, no, guys. He's going to kill me.

Do you want to be buried or cremated?

The second one for sure. Surprise.

Cremated, not surprised.

Surprise! You're going to be cremated.

Hey, guys. I'm so English.

Uncle Sakkie, wait!

Sakkie!

What is it, Flip?

I'm sorry, Uncle.

It's my fault.

I thought you were gay,

so we lied about Joubert to schmooze you.

I was wrong and the whole thing got out of hand.

The point is,

we wanted to impress you because we like you.

And if you can accept that someone's gay,

you can probably accept if he's not.

So, I'm asking you nicely...

accept us.

Two and a half percent.

Deal.

I don't think you should drive. Can I take you home?

How was my day?

We still have the contract.

I don't know how Flip pulled that out the fire,

but he's good. I'll give him that.

He can sell polony.

I don't have to tell my girlfriend that I'm in a gay padel club.

I don't think Emma would ever--

Stella.

Stella is my girlfriend.

Should we do another take or will you edit that out?

For she's a jolly good fellow.

-For she's a jolly good fellow. -For she's a jolly good fellow.

Thank you, Nastashia.

-Thank you, Nastashia. -Okay, guys.

-Thank you! -I want to say goodbye!

-Okay, Nastashia. -Cheers, cheers!

Come on, Jouba.

I'll call you.

Okay, but really call me.

-I'll call you. -Okay.

I believe you.

I'm not calling.

-We still have the contract! -Well done, sir.

Us, 1. Brandy, 0.

I'm sorry your day was so boring.

No, thank you for holding the fort.

It's not easy to drink on a work day.

But it's our duty.

I see you guys climbed into the supplies.

Ayanda's going to be upset and she'll deduct your pay.

You're all paying in.

Tjarra!

We still have work to do.

Come on, you're in trouble.

Yeah.

Is it--

Why is my chair over here?

It's a long story.

I was gay today.

Okay.

There was so much brandy, I...

I think I broke a young man's heart.

And I thought Uncle Sakkie was gay and then...

Then I was gay, but I'm not. Obviously.

Listen, Emma.

Never drink brandy with Flip. Ever.

Noted.

How was your day?

Oh, it was...

It was boring.

Yes.

Sorry.

Okay, I'm lying.

I...

I'm lying, it was actually amazing.

-Really? -It was really awesome.

-Okay, tell. -You don't understand.

-I had to take care of Auntie Miems. -Yes?

I literally had to feed her oats.

It was rough, you don't understand.

But then she got a random message.

Hey, everyone. Shh!

Flip's sleeping.

Hello, my old friend.

Piece of rubbish.