Original subtitles

Jabu, that client has phoned twice already.

Please get there.

If they call me a third time, there'll be trouble.

Egg flip!

Wow!

That one is in my throat.

Eggs for breakfast.

Egg flip!

Sorry, buddy. That was hard.

Well played. We'll play--

You Roger Federer'ed me.

Been that long without action you have to touch each other?

No.

Look, it works like this.

A guy you don't like, you kick in the eggs.

But a guy you like, you flip the eggs.

But like, not in a gay way.

No, just two guys enjoying each other.

Once again...

not gay.

-It's 300kg of polony. -Paid?

They have paid.

-Egg flip! -Blocked myself!

You're quick, Jacques Kallis.

You'll cry one day when you can't have kids.

That's not a thing.

I swear.

Let's stop. It's a stupid game.

You won't say that when I egg flip you again!

Stop.

This is a place for grown-ups. Stop being a child.

Send that to me.

Zonk!

I zonked you!

We can do that! We can do that, right?

What?

In the 'tjoepter'.

Oh, wait.

No.

No, I think that borders on gay.

Okay, I've got it.

If you can choose, but you have to choose.

You're married to Tjaart, you have 24 kids,

but you're a billionaire.

Or you're married to Bobby

-because he's available. -Yeah, yeah.

But he has webbed toes and you owe the bank a billion rand.

What do you choose?

Firstly,

'billion' is an anglicism.

Come on, boys! Come on, boys!

Sam.

Really?

Okay.

Jouba, remember the rule.

The guy whose ball it is can't be picked last.

Flip!

Losers!

Nice, Flippa.

Q.

Butterfingers!

You're getting butterfingers!

I played first team in high school,

but if Flip finds out I'm any good,

he'll never stop talking ball to me.

So, yeah.

Yeah!

-I've got him. -Chase him!

-Defend, defend. -Chase!

I don't know what's more sad.

A bunch of grown men in chinos

playing touch rugby during lunch,

or the fact that I really want to play with.

Can I play with you guys?

Uh, it's not...

It's not my ball.

Okay, whose ball is it?

It's a numbers thing.

-If you join now it'll be uneven. -Joanne?

A bunch of men running around trying to touch me?

-You wish. -You can take my place.

-Gavin, Gavin! -I threw my back out when practicing.

Okay, yes! Cool!

I tell you what.

Let the men play a quick game.

We'll play a round of UNO with you guys later.

What? No! I know rugby. I have brothers.

I'm not saying you can't play, it's just...

Actually, I'm making a call as the boss.

-Cool! -Why?

-Huh? -Why?

It's touch rugby, ladies.

-Touch rugby. -Yes.

I won't be comfortable

when these guys start touching you and I witness it...

It's an HR nightmare.

-Yeah. -I'm fine, Flip.

I promise. It's just a game.

You say you're fine now,

but just now,

you and Kayle aren't in a team anymore.

Chances are good he'll see it as a perfect opportunity.

-What? -Yes.

First, he touches you on the hip.

And then he moves to your butt.

Next time, he'll do it again.

Again and again.

He gets bored. What now?

Let's touch your...

-boobs. -Hey, offside!

-Gross, Kayle. -I won't, Flip!

Ladies, I won't. I promise.

Before you know it,

where does he touch you? The wrong place.

-Good heavens! -What does that mean?

-Someone translate. -That's what we were taught.

Okay, please don't refer to it as the "wrong place".

Yes, Flip. It's the right spot.

No, definitely not that.

Guys, we're all adults here. Just call it a vagina.

Oh, Kayle!

-Oh, Kayle! -So gross!

Gross. It's gross, guys.

You probably don't want to play anymore. It's so gross.

What? No, let's play. I'm ready.

Sorry, guys. I'm actually just gonna go for lunch.

Yeah, I'm also feeling a bit uncomfortable.

Oh, now you're uncomfortable?

Hey, we can play with four.

A lot more spa--

Hey, guys, come on!

-See? -See what?

Ouch!

I wake up in this girl's bed, pal.

She's as ugly as the night.

I went over her palisade.

But look, that's where I got this.

I got cut here.

So then you wouldn't WhatsApp her the next day?

No, no. It's against my rules.

What are your rules?

You never message a girl the next day

unless you forgot your clothes.

Then you go back, do her again,

and then leave again, but remember your clothes this time.

-You're a pig. -Well, I work with polony.

I also got 'done' this weekend.

Jeez.

-That's a bit rough on the ear. -Oh, why?

It sounds a bit off if a lady talks like that.

So how should I say it?

Just say that you were spoilt by a guy.

-No. -No, a guy got hold of you.

No, no, no. A guy gently caressed you.

-That's nice. -Yeah, but the problem is...

he didn't.

He 'did' me.

-It's almost worse the second time. -Yes, much worse.

For the record, I was not 'done' this weekend.

I'm not even sure what it involves.

Do you know what it is?

Let me understand this clearly.

If he says it he's a legend.

But if I say it, I'm slutty.

You hit the nail on the head. Exactly that.

So what do I do if I get 'done'?

Must I keep it to myself? What if I also want to brag?

Tell your girl friends.

-In a sound-proof room. -Okay.

It just feels like double standards.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Big accusations.

I don't have double standards. Where do you get that?

Okay, Flip. If you say so.

What would I do with two sets of the same standards?

I have two sets of very different standards.

One for men, one for women.

You can't treat a woman like a man.

It is double standards.

It is literally the description of double standards.

Okay, Emma.

Relax. Breathe.

I can see you have a bee in your bonnet.

-Men don't like an aggressive woman. -Oh.

Okay, so...

friendly, gentle.

That's what a guy likes.

Thank you, Tjaart.

Pleasure.

My nuts are in my throat.

I've always wanted to do that.

But no, it didn't feel right.

Tjaart's phone, hello?

He quickly stepped out,

but...

go for it.

Okay, "Ex-wife.

Daughter. Netball."

Got it. Okay, bye.

Emma.

I received an anonymous complaint

that you egg-flipped a male staff member.

Was it Gavin?

No, it was me!

Emma, you can't touch a guy there in the workplace.

I'm sorry, I know it's wrong. Sorry.

I forgive you.

Just carry on with your boys club.

Why are you so grumpy?

Is it month-end again or what?

Flip, do you think it always happens at the end of the month?

No?

Yes, Flip, it happens any time. It's like a full moon.

I'm just saying,

the office is a boys club and we don't feel welcome.

We?

Did Joanne and Miems also say something?

They don't have to say anything, you can see it.

Then let's sort it out now.

Tjaart, you're dismissed.

Ladies!

Yes, sometimes I think it would've been better

if I didn't have a mouth.

Or an opinion.

Shut up, Emma. Shut up.

Tjaart, your phone rang and I answered it.

Why did you answer my phone? Who was it?

-It was a woman. -Yes, duh.

Who?

Hello. Who?

I can't remember her name.

But what did she say?

-Did she leave a message? -Yes.

Come closer.

Come here.

She said you're the father of her child.

What?

That's what she said.

Oh, dammit.

Okay, okay. Joubert, you have to remember.

-You have to, pal. -Okay.

Names, names.

Was it Melissa?

Bianca?

Imogen? Does it sound familiar?

Nadine, Amy, Anja?

They were together. Was it two women who called?

-No. -Okay.

Anneke? Other Anneke?

Petro? She's half deaf. Did she talk like this?

Petrusa? Ivanka?

Anai? Janine?

Ruan?

It's not a guy. Her mom and dad were both Ruan.

Margaret? Charné?

Sorry, dude. All those names sound right now.

Why didn't you write it down?

I didn't have a pen--

You always have like a thousand pens!

There they are.

What the hell must I do now?

If I were you,

I'd start contacting all those ladies.

See if it's one of them.

-Yes, okay. That's a good idea. -Yeah.

I can't believe this is happening to me again.

I need like a million rands of airtime.

Ladies,

I hear you're hysterical again.

These young girls of today don't know how to use sexism.

Do you know how much paid-leave I've had

just by saying I have women problems?

Flip, can I go home?

-I have woman problems. -Off you go!

Thank you for your time.

I know you have to go home to cook.

Hey, I'm joking. It's just a joke to break the ice.

I hear that you...

are unhappy in the office.

I don't have problems.

-Some of you-- -Flip, put yourself in my shoes.

I physically can't.

I'm a size 11, okay?

And even if I could,

I wouldn't wear women's shoes because that not how I roll.

Side note, I don't trust a guy with a shoe smaller than a size 7.

-That's weird. -Yes, Emma. Flip's right.

He can't wear your shoes,

because he's a man, you're a woman and we're different.

Yes, I also understand it that way. Thank you, sir.

You see? Everyone's happy. Thank you, ladies.

-Miems, coffee? -No, no, it's fine.

I mean, everything's fine.

I don't have a problem.

But I mean, just for fun...

How are we different?

We can do things you can't,

and you do things that we don't want to.

-Excuse me? -We don't want to do what you do.

We can, but don't want to.

You know, like making things pretty.

And choosing the correct serviettes.

And washing the dishes and laundry.

-And washing nappies. -Well, men can't have kids.

Well, you can't have kids without us.

You know how it works, right?

Are you still too youn-- Okay, Emma.

-As work daddy-- -Okay, anyway. Still just for fun.

Walk away, girl.

According to you, men are the better sex.

Not at all. I love you guys.

You brighten up every room.

You're the most beautiful thing on a billboard.

You're a sunset in the desert.

-You're cute and pretty-- -Smart, innovative.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

And what about sport?

Women like Tatjana Schoenmaker.

Tatjana Smith.

She has her husband's surname.

I mean, her maiden name was literally Schoenmaker.

You said it. You said it.

Sexist.

And she's very good. The best for a woman,

but any guy will out-swim her.

So, you think you can out-swim her?

-You could, sir. -Well, we'll never know.

We can physical time it.

We can physic--

Okay, fine. Not me,

but the best male swimmer will do it without arms.

So, why appoint women if we're so useless?

Whoa, don't put yourself down. Words have power.

-Your boss is a woman. Ayanda. -Hundred cement.

And you listen to her because she has authority?

No, I listen to her because she's black.

Yes.

Here's the corporate hierarchy.

Black woman, Black man,

Indian woman, Indian man,

the whole rainbow, and right at the bottom...

White Afrikaner man.

Top of the bottom.

Grateful to be here.

Thank you, ladies. I appreciate your time.

Miems, coffee?

See?

Everyone's happy.

Take the afternoon off.

Go shopping.

Get together with friends and gossip. Get it out of your system.

Come back tomorrow, ready to rumble.

Thanks, Flip. I appreciate it.

Absolute pleasure.

You know what? Acually... no.

Actually, I do have one more point, please.

-I want to try something. -What? I'm a busy man.

-Close your eyes. -What?

Just do it.

-If you egg flip me-- -I promise I won't.

Just close your eyes.

Imagine...

you met the woman of your dreams.

-Go on. -You have a beautiful place...

with a garden, and a treehouse.

And an inside-braai.

-Your wife's pregnant. -Is it mine?

Yes.

She gives birth to your first child.

It's the most adorable little girl.

With the most beautiful eyes and cheeks.

-What's her name? -You can decide.

-Emma. -No.

Jemma.

You are Jemma's whole world.

Her daddy is her hero.

Your whole reason for existence

is to go home and push her on your swing.

Now, would you want her to grow up

with the same view of women?

Sorry, Jemma.

Hello, Melissa. It's Tjaart.

Listen, is there anything you want to tell me?

Nothing big in your life

-like a pregnancy? -Emma!

Okay, no. I'm only asking.

Miss you, man.

No, I miss your husband, Louis.

Can I make your day?

That won't be difficult.

Okay, listen.

Louise, are you sure?

Okay, is your sister there? Put her on.

-His ex-wife called, and I answered. -Danielle!

She said their daughter made the A-team,

and he should call and congratulate her.

Does Tjaart have a child?

Yes, she's nine.

So I told him a woman called

and he's the father of her child.

Alice, Alice, Alice! I have ten seconds of airtime.

Are you pregnant? Call me back.

You're going to hell.

"A woman called. You're the father of her child."

-What's not true? -Straight to hell.

-Okay, thank the Lord. -I want to hear.

-Hey, I'm busy with a private call! -Sorry.

No, I'm talking to these virgins at work.

Listen, are you preggies?

Okay, I worked it out.

She must've bought her life-detector test in the last three days.

Klerksdorp has 12 pharmacies. They're open ten hours a day.

So that's 360 hours of CCTV footage I have to go through.

Worst case, I'll know who it is in 15 days.

No one gets past Tjarra.

Close your eyes.

Tjaart, lie down.

Close your eyes.

Listen to me carefully.

Flip, please. I have something important to do.

You've just heard you're becoming a dad.

Did you tell him?

Shh, Tjaart. I just heard I'm becoming a dad.

I saw the light.

I can't keep it to myself.

You're welcome, ladies.

The phone rings. It's the doctor.

He calls to congratulate you.

It's a girl.

I know it's difficult.

You wanted a boy.

I've got three beautiful daughters. I couldn't be happier.

Accept it. Open mind, open mind.

Let's give her a name.

Joné.

Tjarté.

Jasmine.

Liesbet.

Queen Elizabeth.

Eyes closed.

Look at your daughter.

Look her...

Joné, Tjarté, Jasmine, Liesbet, and Queen Elizabeth.

Look her in the eye and say,

"All she's good for

is to be a housewife."

Open your eyes.

That's not nice.

So, why do you think that of women?

I don't think of women like that at all.

I always tell my girls,

"The sky is the limit".

"Limit."

Do you hear that?

Philip, are you trying to make us seem sexist

so you don't feel like the only one?

What?

Yes, I used to be a sexist, but I've changed.

You know,

women are more than just incubators.

Buddy, I know!

-Why are you stating the obvious? -Wait.

Am I the only one who still thinks this way about women?

Yeah, sounds like it.

Okay, as much as I want to hang around and braai nappies,

I have a pregnant woman to find on CCTV.

It was a metaphor!

Okay, you know what? Don't learn lessons.

Carry on with your lives--

Just know that Flip Bosman

doesn't have double standards anymore!

I have no standards!

Okay, you know what?

Take that CCTV footage and shove it--

Hello?

Okay, Joubert.

Use that big nugget of yours, okay?

Are you sure you can't remember?

-Think carefully. -Let me think.

Ex. Something with an ex.

An ex, as in a... click X?

-Like Q's people? -No, no, no.

No, like an ex.

Ex-wife?

Do you have an ex-wife?

Yes, I have an ex-wife, Shandre.

Shandre!

That's her name.

No, that's impossible. We haven't in years... no.

No, she can't be pregnant.

I didn't say she was pregnant.

You did. You said she was pregnant.

I said,

"You're the father of her child."

Aren't you?

You bastard.

Okay.

-You'll be sorry. -For telling the truth?

You'll be sorry, buddy.

Shandre, why do you call on the land-line?

It's not cheaper anymore.

This is you.

No, because we have Bozo the clown in the office.

Nice pass.

Oh, wow!

She scored.

Quite a move.

Big scrum! Big scrum!

Yes!

Nice!

Hello?

Whoa, whoa! My love, my love.

No, my angel. I'm not dead.

Where did you hear that?

Angel.

Angel, I'm 100% fine. I promise.

It was just a really stupid joke.

I know it's not at all funny. You're right.

Can I call you later?

Okay, bye.

-Really, bro? I'm dead? -Buddy, budd--

-That's not on the same level, bro. -It's a misunderstanding, okay?

I typed a message that said, "Joubert's dead..."

and accidentally sent it.

Now I'm sending the next part saying,

"...happy with your relationship."

Now she has the whole thing.

"Joubert's dead happy with your relationship."

-Am I wrong? -Come on, Tjaart.

-What-- -Aren't you happy, buddy?

What's going on?

Tjaart told my girlfriend that I'm dead.

She's highly upset, bro.

-I'd call her if I was you. -Not cool at all, bro.

-Not cool. -Be a good boyfriend.

Catherine.

Catherine.

Catherine.

-Catherine. -What's that?

I'm not going to call my daughter Queen Elizabeth.

-Oh, right. -But Catherine...

Catherine feels right.

Yeah, yeah.

Catherine.

-Cath. -Yes.

No, no, no.

We can try, but no promises.

Okay.

Come in!

Flip.

Can I please go home a bit earlier?

Shame, what's wrong?

I just don't feel well.

Yes, but what's wrong?

It's just...

women problems.

Menstruation?

Endometriosis?

-Chilblains? -What? No, just women problems.

-Can I go? -No.

-No? -Yes.

I'm saying no.

If one of the guys asked I'd have said, "No, push through."

So, Emma...

no.

Push through. Why?

Because you,

just like my Jemma,

are a strong, independent woman

-and you can do anything-- -Oh, jeez.

Wha-- What now?

What... What's going on?

I don't want to be treated the same now, Flip, okay?

-I want to be treated differently. -What?

I just want to be treated differently now, okay?

Because...

Because women are different!

Wait, you keep telling me that you're not different--

Okay, just leave it.

I learnt nothing today.

Attention, people.

I have an important announcement.

When it comes to women issues,

just know that I don't know.

And always assume that I don't know.

Please and thank you.

Men.

Ladies.

My door's always open.

What are you doing?

I'm eating ice-cream.

Nice.

Makes me feel better.

I think you understand women better than you think.

Things I don't understand...

Women.

The English.

A car engine.

Hansie Cronje's choices.

How a plane stays in the air.

Why my mother left.

But what I do understand is that...

there are certain things I don't understand at all.

So, in a way...

I now understand more.

Mom called me at work to say you did well with Netball.

I'm so proud of you. You are awesome.

Five goals!

That's a new record.

You're a little Protea.

Okay, but I must go.

Love you lots. Miss you.

We'll see each other soon, okay?

Okay, my sweetie. Kisses.

Bye.