Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:02,572
Let me tell you,
Dar, a collection like
2
00:00:02,606 --> 00:00:04,510
this doesn't come
together overnight.
3
00:00:04,576 --> 00:00:07,014
It took me years of
strategic trades and
4
00:00:07,081 --> 00:00:09,720
a keen eye for value
to put this thing together.
5
00:00:09,753 --> 00:00:12,225
My entire youth is
right here in this binder,
6
00:00:12,325 --> 00:00:15,097
and one day, I plan to
pass it down to you.
7
00:00:15,197 --> 00:00:17,135
Thanks, but I have my own cards.
8
00:00:17,235 --> 00:00:18,771
Yeah, but those aren't
collectibles, okay.
9
00:00:18,871 --> 00:00:21,844
That's a kid's game.
They're basically just UNO cards
10
00:00:21,944 --> 00:00:23,648
with the Japanese
monsters on 'em.
11
00:00:23,681 --> 00:00:24,984
They got no lasting value.
12
00:00:25,017 --> 00:00:26,119
Who cares?
They're fun.
13
00:00:26,186 --> 00:00:27,689
Nah, I'll tell you what's fun.
14
00:00:27,789 --> 00:00:30,662
Turning a card collection into
a vacation house.
15
00:00:30,762 --> 00:00:34,703
Oh...kay... I'd say you're
looking at 40, maybe 50 bucks.
16
00:00:34,770 --> 00:00:36,840
For the uh... that's
for the Wally Joyner?
17
00:00:36,874 --> 00:00:38,476
Uh... no.
The whole collection.
18
00:00:38,577 --> 00:00:39,378
Pfft.
19
00:00:39,579 --> 00:00:41,584
That can't be right, dude.
These are vintage.
20
00:00:41,617 --> 00:00:43,053
Vintage Junk Wax Era--
21
00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:44,389
Late '80s, early '90s, they
22
00:00:44,422 --> 00:00:46,092
overprinted the
hell out of these.
23
00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:48,263
Unless you've got
big-name rookies,
24
00:00:48,297 --> 00:00:50,167
rare errors, or PSA 10 inserts,
25
00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:52,404
these are worth a big, fat NADA.
26
00:00:52,505 --> 00:00:54,375
Alright you know what?
Forget it. Give me this.
27
00:00:54,475 --> 00:00:56,279
I'll be back, pal.
With a collection
28
00:00:56,345 --> 00:00:58,483
worth more than this
whole frickin' shop.
29
00:00:58,584 --> 00:00:59,485
Let's go, Dar.
30
00:00:59,519 --> 00:01:01,289
We've wasted enough
of this dork's time.
31
00:01:01,389 --> 00:01:03,728
No way!
Firetail Scorpionyx!
32
00:01:03,761 --> 00:01:05,164
Oh, sick!
33
00:01:05,164 --> 00:01:07,234
I'll give you $150
for that right now.
34
00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:10,106
Alright, you know what?
Screw the whole frickin' planet.
35
00:01:11,710 --> 00:01:14,415
♪ Well, I used to work
in hot dog factory ♪
36
00:01:14,517 --> 00:01:16,419
♪ until them
robots came along, ♪
37
00:01:16,521 --> 00:01:18,323
♪ and now there is no
job for me, ♪
38
00:01:18,423 --> 00:01:20,728
♪ but I get three thousand
bucks a month. ♪
39
00:01:20,762 --> 00:01:25,336
♪ Thanks to UBI.
40
00:01:25,437 --> 00:01:28,945
♪ Now we're Universal
Basic Guys. ♪
41
00:01:28,978 --> 00:01:33,921
♪ It may not sound like much,
but we're still gonna try. ♪
42
00:01:34,055 --> 00:01:37,895
♪ We're just Universal
Basic Guys. ♪
43
00:01:42,004 --> 00:01:43,507
Oh man, this is fun, Mark.
44
00:01:43,541 --> 00:01:46,178
Splittin' a box of cards.
It's like we're kids again.
45
00:01:46,278 --> 00:01:48,617
Except the uh, packs cost
five times as much.
46
00:01:48,717 --> 00:01:50,589
Oh my G-- Are you serious?
Another Mark Canha?
47
00:01:50,622 --> 00:01:53,460
How many frickin' Mark Canha's
are in this set?
48
00:01:53,561 --> 00:01:55,164
Hey, look. Mark!
I got an Aaron Judge!
49
00:01:55,264 --> 00:01:57,067
Holy crap?!
Rookie card?!
50
00:01:57,134 --> 00:01:58,436
I mean... yeah, it's not bad.
51
00:01:58,470 --> 00:02:00,006
Rookie card's pretty valuable,
right?
52
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:00,875
Ah, it depends.
53
00:02:00,975 --> 00:02:02,646
A lot of people don't
like rookie cards
54
00:02:02,679 --> 00:02:05,183
because you know... they don't
got any stats, so...
55
00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:06,352
- Oh. True.
- Tell ya what.
56
00:02:06,452 --> 00:02:07,388
I'm feelin' generous...
57
00:02:07,522 --> 00:02:11,329
You give me that Aaron
Judge and I'll give you...
58
00:02:11,362 --> 00:02:14,603
Man... Shouldn't do this.
Should not do this.
59
00:02:14,703 --> 00:02:16,574
But uh...
I'll give you this bad boy.
60
00:02:16,607 --> 00:02:20,548
1990, near mint,
Baltimore Orioles sticker card
61
00:02:20,581 --> 00:02:22,986
with the old school,
cartoon logo.
62
00:02:23,086 --> 00:02:24,757
Ooooh. That's nice.
63
00:02:24,790 --> 00:02:27,127
But Aaron Judge does hit a lot
of home runs.
64
00:02:27,194 --> 00:02:28,129
Alright, I'll tell you what--
65
00:02:28,196 --> 00:02:30,434
I'll throw in this uh,
checklist card, okay.
66
00:02:30,467 --> 00:02:32,404
It's like 40 cards
in one right there.
67
00:02:32,505 --> 00:02:33,508
Whoa...
68
00:02:33,541 --> 00:02:35,177
Ah, dammit.
These frickin' guys again.
69
00:02:35,210 --> 00:02:36,881
They've been here all week,
making a ruckus.
70
00:02:36,981 --> 00:02:39,986
Hey yo! Would you stop yappin'?
We're doin' business over here!
71
00:02:40,086 --> 00:02:42,224
C'mon, Mark.
Be nice. I like crows.
72
00:02:42,257 --> 00:02:43,493
No, they're annoying.
73
00:02:43,694 --> 00:02:46,232
So, we doin' this or what, okay?
It's a limited time offer.
74
00:02:46,298 --> 00:02:47,301
Yeah, okay.
75
00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:48,303
Ah, it's a good trade,
dude.
76
00:02:48,604 --> 00:02:50,709
You're really sharpening your
instincts, lemme tell you.
77
00:02:50,742 --> 00:02:53,213
Yo! What the hell?!
Hey! Drop it! Hey!
78
00:02:53,246 --> 00:02:54,583
You think that's funny?!
79
00:02:54,616 --> 00:02:56,587
Yo gimme that
frickin' card back!
80
00:02:56,654 --> 00:02:57,923
Gah!
81
00:02:57,956 --> 00:02:59,358
Oh, be careful, Mark.
82
00:02:59,392 --> 00:03:01,229
I hear crows hold long grudges.
83
00:03:01,263 --> 00:03:02,364
Yeah well so do I.
84
00:03:02,464 --> 00:03:03,801
Yeah, that's right!
85
00:03:03,835 --> 00:03:05,572
Frickin' sky rats.
86
00:03:05,839 --> 00:03:07,742
Uh... hey Mark.
87
00:03:08,009 --> 00:03:09,712
Oh come on! Dammit!
88
00:03:09,879 --> 00:03:11,249
Ugh, stupid birds...ah.
89
00:03:11,382 --> 00:03:12,685
Maybe just leave them alone.
90
00:03:12,718 --> 00:03:15,691
No. It's been three days
of non-stop harassment.
91
00:03:15,791 --> 00:03:17,261
Do you wanna
spend the rest of our
92
00:03:17,361 --> 00:03:18,731
lives in a frickin'
Hitchcock movie?
93
00:03:18,831 --> 00:03:21,001
So what, you're gonna shoot
them with a water gun?
94
00:03:21,035 --> 00:03:21,903
That's the plan?
95
00:03:21,970 --> 00:03:24,509
Uh, it's not just a "water gun,"
Tam, okay?
96
00:03:24,542 --> 00:03:30,955
This is the Rainreaper AR-9000
Tactical... Hydro Rifle.
97
00:03:33,026 --> 00:03:34,028
Ah!
98
00:03:34,162 --> 00:03:36,767
There we go.
Let's do this.
99
00:03:40,173 --> 00:03:42,377
Hey, Mark!
I got some more cards!
100
00:03:43,079 --> 00:03:44,281
Where's Mark?
101
00:03:46,386 --> 00:03:47,622
Mark? What are you doing?
102
00:03:47,723 --> 00:03:48,757
Shh, yo. Get down.
103
00:03:48,891 --> 00:03:49,960
What's going on?
104
00:03:50,060 --> 00:03:51,830
- War.
- Oh. With who?
105
00:03:52,264 --> 00:03:53,801
Crows.
106
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:55,236
Oh.
107
00:03:55,638 --> 00:03:56,773
Go time.
108
00:03:56,907 --> 00:03:59,344
♪ [action] ♪
109
00:03:59,779 --> 00:04:01,248
Hey scumbags!
110
00:04:02,017 --> 00:04:03,788
Time for a bird bath!
111
00:04:03,821 --> 00:04:06,325
Yeah, you like that?
112
00:04:14,776 --> 00:04:16,278
Fall back, fall back!
113
00:04:17,916 --> 00:04:19,218
Just a temporary setback.
114
00:04:19,318 --> 00:04:22,090
This is a war of attrition,
okay. No backing down.
115
00:04:22,191 --> 00:04:23,192
The hell is that?
116
00:04:23,226 --> 00:04:24,362
Oh it's a snack.
117
00:04:24,428 --> 00:04:25,698
Here you go, birdies.
118
00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:28,504
Why are you feeding them, dude?
They're never gonna leave now!
119
00:04:30,741 --> 00:04:33,714
Well good riddance, you
frickin' uh, winged degenerates.
120
00:04:33,748 --> 00:04:35,484
C'mon Mark.
They're good birds.
121
00:04:35,618 --> 00:04:36,853
They're just misunderstood.
122
00:04:37,822 --> 00:04:38,724
And they're back.
123
00:04:39,024 --> 00:04:41,329
This is exactly why you don't
negotiate with terrorists.
124
00:04:41,362 --> 00:04:43,734
Wait a minute. It's got
something in its mouth.
125
00:04:44,302 --> 00:04:45,738
I think it's a gift.
126
00:04:45,838 --> 00:04:47,374
Oh, my God.
127
00:04:47,408 --> 00:04:48,744
I stand corrected.
128
00:04:48,844 --> 00:04:51,850
This is exactly why you
negotiate with terrorists.
129
00:04:52,652 --> 00:04:54,656
And Darren playing
his second Scorpionyx,
130
00:04:54,756 --> 00:04:57,595
knocks out Ji Hoon's Plagueworm
for damage +6.
131
00:04:57,628 --> 00:05:00,266
Solid turn but, is
it too little too late?
132
00:05:00,366 --> 00:05:01,903
What's Ji Hoon gonna do?
133
00:05:01,937 --> 00:05:05,110
Summon... Phoenix...
Voltura... Gold Edition.
134
00:05:05,143 --> 00:05:06,278
Ohhh.
135
00:05:06,378 --> 00:05:08,717
Cast Double Rush and attack
with Hellhoof.
136
00:05:08,817 --> 00:05:10,020
Oh!!!
137
00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:10,922
Holy macaroni!
138
00:05:11,322 --> 00:05:14,530
Ji Hoon with a knockout blow
on a D-Rush Hellhoof combo!
139
00:05:14,663 --> 00:05:16,498
That's the eighth
win in a row for
140
00:05:16,533 --> 00:05:19,472
Ji Hoon, who will be taking
home the "Black Obelisk!"
141
00:05:19,573 --> 00:05:20,474
Wow!
142
00:05:20,541 --> 00:05:22,110
Oh man that thing is sweet.
143
00:05:22,244 --> 00:05:23,781
Bro, this kid's unbeatable, and
144
00:05:23,815 --> 00:05:26,385
now he cops a Black Obelisk.
Rich get richer.
145
00:05:26,385 --> 00:05:28,958
Dude, you got a solid deck.
146
00:05:28,991 --> 00:05:30,260
Okay? Keep your head up.
147
00:05:30,293 --> 00:05:32,431
That kid Charlie from
Willy Wonka wasn't
148
00:05:32,464 --> 00:05:34,167
rich but all it took was one
149
00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:36,506
sick pull and bam!
Golden Ticket.
150
00:05:38,644 --> 00:05:39,946
Whoa. What's going on here?
151
00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:43,320
Oh, I'm just educating myself on
these incredible animals.
152
00:05:43,353 --> 00:05:46,894
Not enough people appreciate the
intricate intelligence of birds.
153
00:05:47,027 --> 00:05:48,196
It's really astonishing.
154
00:05:48,296 --> 00:05:50,635
Alright. Ken Griffey uh, Senior.
155
00:05:50,668 --> 00:05:52,939
Alright, we're getting close.
Were getting closer.
156
00:05:53,039 --> 00:05:54,041
Nice work, Cam.
157
00:05:54,141 --> 00:05:54,976
[caw]
158
00:05:55,043 --> 00:05:56,713
Wow. You're like a
regular Cinderella.
159
00:05:56,813 --> 00:05:58,382
Oh yeah.
I'm a big crow guy now.
160
00:05:58,416 --> 00:06:00,253
They actually got a pretty
complex language.
161
00:06:00,287 --> 00:06:01,690
I've been learning it.
And I've been
162
00:06:01,724 --> 00:06:03,794
training them to find
the valuable cards.
163
00:06:04,429 --> 00:06:05,497
No frickin' way, yo.
164
00:06:05,598 --> 00:06:07,602
That's a no joke
card right there.
165
00:06:07,636 --> 00:06:10,140
Nice job, buddy!
There we go.
166
00:06:10,173 --> 00:06:11,911
Ay. Whoa. C'mon dude.
Give it.
167
00:06:12,011 --> 00:06:13,346
[caw caw caw]
168
00:06:13,447 --> 00:06:14,783
What's he saying?
169
00:06:14,816 --> 00:06:17,320
Says he wants more than food.
Hm.
170
00:06:17,555 --> 00:06:20,059
He wants us to do them a favor?
171
00:06:22,030 --> 00:06:24,502
Uhh... I don't know, Mark.
This seems a little sketchy.
172
00:06:24,569 --> 00:06:25,838
Hank, it's just a
scarecrow, okay?
173
00:06:25,905 --> 00:06:27,742
The farmer's not even gonna
know it's gone.
174
00:06:27,876 --> 00:06:30,380
It just... seems like a little
much for a football card.
175
00:06:30,414 --> 00:06:33,186
Hank... this isn't
about the cards.
176
00:06:33,419 --> 00:06:34,690
It's about the crows.
177
00:06:34,756 --> 00:06:36,893
Sure, we look at a
scarecrow and we think
178
00:06:36,926 --> 00:06:40,466
it's just a weird straw
guy, but to them-- it's fear.
179
00:06:40,501 --> 00:06:41,770
It's rejection.
180
00:06:41,871 --> 00:06:43,841
How would you feel
if you walked into
181
00:06:43,874 --> 00:06:45,644
a restaurant and
there was a ScareHank
182
00:06:45,744 --> 00:06:47,481
standing at the host stand?
183
00:06:47,515 --> 00:06:49,686
Uh... pretty weirded out.
184
00:06:49,786 --> 00:06:50,721
Exactly.
185
00:06:50,754 --> 00:06:52,859
But I got no doubt
that if you asked those
186
00:06:52,959 --> 00:06:56,365
crows to destroy it for you,
they would in a heartbeat.
187
00:06:56,399 --> 00:06:57,535
You know why?
188
00:06:57,769 --> 00:06:59,471
Because they're
good birds, Hank.
189
00:06:59,706 --> 00:07:00,975
They're good birds.
190
00:07:01,175 --> 00:07:02,812
Yeah... okay.
191
00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:14,101
Darren?
192
00:07:15,605 --> 00:07:16,807
What are you doing?
193
00:07:16,907 --> 00:07:18,977
Oh just... clearing
out that robin's nest.
194
00:07:19,077 --> 00:07:19,913
Uhh... what?
195
00:07:20,013 --> 00:07:21,984
Nice job there, Darren.
Here ya go.
196
00:07:22,084 --> 00:07:23,754
Sick.
Thanks, Mark.
197
00:07:23,787 --> 00:07:25,925
Hey, don't thank me.
Thank the crows.
198
00:07:26,025 --> 00:07:28,229
Why are you dressed
like Alice Cooper?
199
00:07:28,330 --> 00:07:30,501
Yeah, going for
more of a dark vibe.
200
00:07:30,535 --> 00:07:32,538
Dr. Michael Chalupa
says it relaxes
201
00:07:32,572 --> 00:07:34,408
them and helps them form a bond.
202
00:07:34,442 --> 00:07:36,078
Barry Bonds, baby.
203
00:07:36,211 --> 00:07:39,117
Small price to pay for ripping
out David's wind chimes.
204
00:07:39,217 --> 00:07:40,420
Uh... What?
205
00:07:40,454 --> 00:07:42,157
Yeah, apparently it,
uh, sound annoys him.
206
00:07:42,291 --> 00:07:43,092
I dunno.
207
00:07:43,226 --> 00:07:45,297
- Oh, speaking of which...
- What's this?
208
00:07:45,430 --> 00:07:47,669
That, my friend,
is a Topps Mascot
209
00:07:47,769 --> 00:07:50,340
Legend Phanatic
Game-Worn Fur Edition.
210
00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:53,747
The boys want to say thanks for
y'know, handling the scarecrow.
211
00:07:53,847 --> 00:07:55,183
Oh, okay.
212
00:07:55,217 --> 00:07:58,389
Dude the cards they're
bringing me, unbelievable.
213
00:07:58,389 --> 00:08:00,160
See, it's all about
"conditioning."
214
00:08:00,193 --> 00:08:03,534
If they do something for me,
I reinforce the behavior.
215
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:05,538
It's animal psychology 101.
216
00:08:05,604 --> 00:08:06,807
Yeah. Right.
217
00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:08,409
Hey, Hank, you
mind, uh, running out
218
00:08:08,510 --> 00:08:10,146
and grabbing some
more of the trail mix?
219
00:08:10,246 --> 00:08:11,583
Uh... sure.
220
00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:12,652
Awesome, bud, 'preciate it.
221
00:08:12,852 --> 00:08:16,225
Oh, uh, get the, uh, premium
kind with the macadamia nuts.
222
00:08:16,258 --> 00:08:18,831
The crows actually have pretty
refined palates.
223
00:08:18,931 --> 00:08:21,770
Frickin' crows.
Gotta love 'em.
224
00:08:22,104 --> 00:08:24,642
Caw, caw. Caw, caw.
225
00:08:25,110 --> 00:08:26,479
Summon Glowdiver.
226
00:08:26,580 --> 00:08:30,353
Deal 3 damage to all your
water 'Mons. Boom.
227
00:08:30,454 --> 00:08:31,957
Not bad. Not bad.
228
00:08:31,990 --> 00:08:34,762
I guess I'll have to just play
this little guy.
229
00:08:35,196 --> 00:08:35,998
Black Obelisk.
230
00:08:36,065 --> 00:08:38,402
Oh, no way!
You got a Black Obelisk?
231
00:08:38,436 --> 00:08:39,573
That's insane!
232
00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:40,608
Where'd you get that?
233
00:08:41,008 --> 00:08:45,450
Uh, my stepdad got it for me
for doing... chores. Why?
234
00:08:45,484 --> 00:08:47,487
- Mine was stolen.
- Stolen?
235
00:08:47,622 --> 00:08:49,124
Yeah. I was playing
in my backyard and
236
00:08:49,224 --> 00:08:52,197
some bird just snatched
it right out of my hand.
237
00:08:52,297 --> 00:08:55,203
Oh... uh... that's weird.
238
00:08:58,510 --> 00:09:00,013
Uh... Mark?
239
00:09:00,046 --> 00:09:01,717
Yo yo, my crow bro.
240
00:09:01,717 --> 00:09:04,388
I uh, didn't think you were
a jewelry guy.
241
00:09:04,488 --> 00:09:06,392
Ah, you know, a
little gift from the boys.
242
00:09:06,492 --> 00:09:08,163
That's, uh... not your name.
243
00:09:08,230 --> 00:09:09,065
Eh, close enough.
244
00:09:09,165 --> 00:09:12,872
Yeah. Uh, can I talk to you?
In private?
245
00:09:13,006 --> 00:09:15,277
Uh, I mean, I'm not sure what
you can't say in front of the
246
00:09:15,310 --> 00:09:18,817
most loyal, trustworthy birds
ever, but okay.
247
00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:20,721
Sup?
248
00:09:21,122 --> 00:09:24,061
I'm starting to think that
these uh... aren't good birds.
249
00:09:24,094 --> 00:09:25,798
Aw come on, Hank.
You said it yourself.
250
00:09:25,831 --> 00:09:27,267
They're just misunderstood.
251
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:28,470
What the hell, Mark?
252
00:09:28,571 --> 00:09:29,773
Did the crows steal this card?
253
00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:30,808
What?
What're you talking about?
254
00:09:31,108 --> 00:09:33,881
Ji Hoon said that his Black
Obelisk was stolen by a bird.
255
00:09:33,881 --> 00:09:37,221
Pfft! Yeah, no way, okay.
Must've been a uh, robin.
256
00:09:37,254 --> 00:09:38,322
I dunno, Mark, uh...
257
00:09:38,389 --> 00:09:40,628
where do you think they're
getting all these cards?
258
00:09:40,661 --> 00:09:42,297
Uh. Landfills?
Dead people's houses?
259
00:09:42,330 --> 00:09:44,669
I dunno. Listen,
they're still wild animals.
260
00:09:44,702 --> 00:09:46,372
Just 'cause I'm training
them doesn't
261
00:09:46,405 --> 00:09:47,642
mean I control
everything they do.
262
00:09:47,742 --> 00:09:49,545
Well maybe you should uh, stop.
263
00:09:49,579 --> 00:09:51,181
I mean... how many
cards do you need?
264
00:09:51,315 --> 00:09:54,756
Hank, I took a lot of pride in
that card collection, okay.
265
00:09:54,789 --> 00:09:56,793
Do you know how
insulting it is for some
266
00:09:56,826 --> 00:09:58,964
nerd with a spreadsheet
to tell me that my
267
00:09:59,064 --> 00:10:01,703
entire youth was
wasted collecting junk?
268
00:10:01,836 --> 00:10:03,941
These crows, they're not just
bringing me cards--
269
00:10:04,041 --> 00:10:06,278
they're helping me
take back what's mine.
270
00:10:06,378 --> 00:10:08,049
I deserve these cards.
271
00:10:08,082 --> 00:10:11,823
Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta
be at town hall in 20 minutes.
272
00:10:11,856 --> 00:10:13,861
I'm pitching to town
council to classify
273
00:10:13,928 --> 00:10:16,098
Blue Jays as an
invasive species.
274
00:10:16,432 --> 00:10:18,002
Yeahhhh...
275
00:10:20,708 --> 00:10:24,716
Uh yeah, hi is this the uh,
Princeton Ornithi-
276
00:10:24,716 --> 00:10:27,788
.. Ornit-logical... D--
Bird Department?
277
00:10:27,822 --> 00:10:32,063
Uh. Can I speak with a uh...
Dr. Michael Chalupa?
278
00:10:33,065 --> 00:10:34,234
The aquarium?
279
00:10:42,818 --> 00:10:44,990
Uh... excuse me?
Uh, sir?
280
00:10:45,023 --> 00:10:48,329
For the last time, I'm not
diddling the rays.
281
00:10:48,429 --> 00:10:50,701
I'm studying its cloaca.
282
00:10:50,734 --> 00:10:53,439
Uh... eh, it's about crows?
283
00:10:53,707 --> 00:10:55,644
I don't know
anything about crows.
284
00:10:55,744 --> 00:10:57,582
But aren't you
Dr. Michael Chalupa?
285
00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:59,318
I go by Fred Fries now.
286
00:10:59,351 --> 00:11:01,856
Oh uh, sorry, er, Dr. Fries.
287
00:11:02,090 --> 00:11:04,763
Uh... So, I kinda need your help
with some crows.
288
00:11:04,796 --> 00:11:07,868
I study only coastal reef and
sandbar animals now.
289
00:11:07,902 --> 00:11:09,873
Well, it's just, uh... y'know,
my brother, he uh,
290
00:11:09,973 --> 00:11:12,746
I think he's going down a
bad path ever since he started
291
00:11:12,846 --> 00:11:15,584
training crows to bring
him baseball cards.
292
00:11:15,718 --> 00:11:18,088
He's not training those crows.
293
00:11:18,623 --> 00:11:20,928
They're training him.
294
00:11:20,961 --> 00:11:21,763
What?
295
00:11:22,197 --> 00:11:26,506
In my past life, I was the
world's foremost crow expert.
296
00:11:26,607 --> 00:11:29,411
I lived among them.
Wrote the book.
297
00:11:29,444 --> 00:11:33,620
But even I didn't grasp how
diabolical they were.
298
00:11:33,754 --> 00:11:38,162
They find your weakness.
For me, it was Lego.
299
00:11:38,229 --> 00:11:39,498
- Legos?
- No!
300
00:11:39,565 --> 00:11:41,268
The plural of Lego is Lego.
301
00:11:41,703 --> 00:11:45,343
It started small.
A few random bricks.
302
00:11:45,443 --> 00:11:48,751
Soon they were bringing me
all kinds of rare pieces.
303
00:11:48,784 --> 00:11:50,655
Modulars and the like.
304
00:11:50,688 --> 00:11:52,926
But then they wanted
more than cashews.
305
00:11:53,026 --> 00:11:56,098
And I started doing things
that still haunt me--
306
00:11:56,198 --> 00:11:59,639
They wanted me to destroy
my neighbor's fake owl.
307
00:11:59,739 --> 00:12:01,308
Smash a raven's nest.
308
00:12:01,409 --> 00:12:02,678
Burn a scarecrow.
309
00:12:02,778 --> 00:12:06,653
Then one day, they invited me
to their roost.
310
00:12:06,753 --> 00:12:09,993
Said I was to become
their "Crowmaster"
311
00:12:10,093 --> 00:12:13,199
And they brought me the minifig
I most coveted:
312
00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:15,203
Cloud City Boba Fett.
313
00:12:15,370 --> 00:12:21,783
But in return, they asked me to
do something... unspeakable.
314
00:12:21,816 --> 00:12:24,054
It was a bridge too far.
315
00:12:24,121 --> 00:12:25,389
I refused.
316
00:12:25,524 --> 00:12:28,930
And in return,
they took my eyes!
317
00:12:29,933 --> 00:12:32,805
Now go!
I've already said too much.
318
00:12:32,905 --> 00:12:34,108
Wait, but I...
319
00:12:34,208 --> 00:12:36,278
Listen! Unless you want to
hear how a starfish's
320
00:12:36,379 --> 00:12:38,416
anus also functions
as its mouth...
321
00:12:38,449 --> 00:12:40,554
I suggest you get out!
322
00:12:44,829 --> 00:12:46,733
Mark!
Mark?
323
00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:47,902
Hank?
324
00:12:48,002 --> 00:12:49,873
Hey Tammy, have you seen Mark?
325
00:12:49,973 --> 00:12:51,341
Yeah, he left a while ago.
326
00:12:51,441 --> 00:12:53,112
I told him he needed
to get rid of those
327
00:12:53,212 --> 00:12:55,216
crows so they stopped
pooping on the garage.
328
00:12:55,249 --> 00:12:57,053
He had a tantrum
and stormed off.
329
00:12:57,086 --> 00:12:58,757
- Where'd he go?
- I don't know.
330
00:12:58,857 --> 00:13:01,061
Some new bar or something
called The Roost.
331
00:13:01,161 --> 00:13:02,196
Oh no.
332
00:13:04,468 --> 00:13:05,872
Uh, Dr. Chalupa--
333
00:13:05,938 --> 00:13:08,342
I mean uh... Fred Fries?
334
00:13:08,475 --> 00:13:09,946
I really need your help.
335
00:13:09,979 --> 00:13:11,115
What did I tell you?
336
00:13:11,148 --> 00:13:13,754
But uh-- My brother,
He's at The Roost.
337
00:13:13,754 --> 00:13:15,724
Then it's already too late.
338
00:13:15,824 --> 00:13:17,528
Oh man. Alright, well...
339
00:13:17,628 --> 00:13:21,101
I brought you something just to,
uh, y'know, say thanks.
340
00:13:23,306 --> 00:13:24,809
Cloud City Boba Fett...
341
00:13:24,842 --> 00:13:26,980
Oh actually, it's just a
regular uh--
342
00:13:27,014 --> 00:13:29,384
Alright. Let's go.
343
00:13:30,086 --> 00:13:31,188
What?
344
00:13:34,495 --> 00:13:37,500
[clicking]
345
00:13:37,902 --> 00:13:39,037
What are you doing?
346
00:13:39,104 --> 00:13:41,576
Echolocation.
I see with sound.
347
00:13:41,643 --> 00:13:42,811
Oh. Gotcha, yeah.
348
00:13:42,912 --> 00:13:45,884
Cause, y'know I'm uh,
happy to drive.
349
00:13:45,918 --> 00:13:47,053
There's no time.
350
00:13:47,154 --> 00:13:49,559
So, uh, why'd you
change your name?
351
00:13:49,659 --> 00:13:50,694
Witness Crow-tection.
352
00:13:50,794 --> 00:13:52,430
Witness Crow-tection?
353
00:13:52,464 --> 00:13:55,738
After years of relentless
harassment, I lost everything.
354
00:13:55,838 --> 00:13:57,976
I had nothing left
but vengeance.
355
00:13:58,009 --> 00:14:00,313
But hate, it takes a toll.
356
00:14:00,346 --> 00:14:02,718
One day I realized
I was no better
357
00:14:02,751 --> 00:14:05,056
than the crows I so reviled.
358
00:14:05,156 --> 00:14:09,732
Resolved to move on,
I became Fred Fries.
359
00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:11,468
Oh, wow.
360
00:14:11,502 --> 00:14:12,838
Whoa, whoa! Watch it!
361
00:14:13,439 --> 00:14:17,146
Sorry.
Forgot I can't talk and drive.
362
00:14:24,695 --> 00:14:28,102
♪ [eerie]
363
00:14:30,674 --> 00:14:33,980
Caw caw.
364
00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:40,427
A special gift, for
a special friend.
365
00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:41,262
Oh, nice.
366
00:14:41,362 --> 00:14:43,198
Is this like uh...
Baltimore Ravens
367
00:14:43,232 --> 00:14:45,770
feather-cut limited
edition Lamar Jackson?
368
00:14:45,804 --> 00:14:47,908
It's a feather.
369
00:14:47,975 --> 00:14:49,077
Oh. Okay.
370
00:14:49,110 --> 00:14:51,482
This feather is
our highest honor.
371
00:14:51,549 --> 00:14:53,252
A symbol of our bond.
372
00:14:53,319 --> 00:14:55,858
The Council of the
Marlton Murder has
373
00:14:55,958 --> 00:14:59,565
chosen you to become...
our human champion...
374
00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:01,536
The Crow Master.
375
00:15:01,570 --> 00:15:03,574
Caw, caw.
Caw, caw.
376
00:15:03,741 --> 00:15:04,842
Oh nice.
Appreciate that.
377
00:15:04,943 --> 00:15:05,778
It's a huge honor.
378
00:15:06,045 --> 00:15:10,253
But first... you must pass a
final test of loyalty.
379
00:15:10,888 --> 00:15:13,091
Okay that's uh... questionable.
380
00:15:13,191 --> 00:15:17,602
This intruder was found
encroaching on our territory.
381
00:15:17,702 --> 00:15:19,973
He killed three of our brothers.
382
00:15:20,006 --> 00:15:23,379
You must take care of this...
monster.
383
00:15:23,412 --> 00:15:25,851
Oh yeah no problem, dude.
Always wanted a pet eagle.
384
00:15:25,851 --> 00:15:30,259
No. You must
shoot it in the face.
385
00:15:30,861 --> 00:15:32,230
Oh.
386
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:35,369
We're here.
387
00:15:35,436 --> 00:15:36,372
Barnes & Noble?
388
00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:40,413
Closest thing this town has to
an abandoned clock tower.
389
00:15:40,881 --> 00:15:42,117
Ice Falcon attacks.
390
00:15:42,217 --> 00:15:43,987
Four damage to your Mummy Snake.
391
00:15:44,021 --> 00:15:46,224
Your move, Darren.
Just go ahead.
392
00:15:46,258 --> 00:15:48,095
Play your Black
Obelisk and end it.
393
00:15:48,796 --> 00:15:52,905
[sigh] Listen Ji Hoon, that card
might actually be yours.
394
00:15:53,005 --> 00:15:55,009
- Here.
- Oh wow.
395
00:15:55,109 --> 00:15:56,311
Thanks man.
396
00:15:57,013 --> 00:15:59,317
Nah, you have it.
397
00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:00,286
What?
398
00:16:00,353 --> 00:16:02,357
Look. I appreciate
you being honest, but
399
00:16:02,457 --> 00:16:05,029
the truth is, I already
have a ton of good cards.
400
00:16:05,163 --> 00:16:06,533
You deserve it man.
401
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:09,071
Oh... um... thanks.
402
00:16:09,171 --> 00:16:12,010
Well uh, I guess I play
Black Obelisk then.
403
00:16:12,043 --> 00:16:14,014
Darren, dropping the hammer.
404
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:16,619
That deals six damage
across the board.
405
00:16:16,619 --> 00:16:18,422
Or does it?
406
00:16:18,957 --> 00:16:20,393
Noooo!
407
00:16:20,426 --> 00:16:22,932
Ji Hoon counters
and reverses with the
408
00:16:23,032 --> 00:16:25,203
ultra-rare White
Obelisk for the win!
409
00:16:25,336 --> 00:16:28,141
I've never even seen that card
in real life!
410
00:16:28,175 --> 00:16:29,912
Okay, I'm done.
411
00:16:29,945 --> 00:16:31,716
Can I just sell this?
412
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:34,354
What's this?
413
00:16:34,387 --> 00:16:37,094
A wire.
So I can translate for you.
414
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:39,599
Alright.
Going in.
415
00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:40,499
Are you out of your mind?
416
00:16:40,601 --> 00:16:42,236
No human can just
walk into the roost.
417
00:16:42,336 --> 00:16:43,339
They'll eat you alive.
418
00:16:43,372 --> 00:16:46,411
Oh.
Uh... so what's the plan?
419
00:16:56,132 --> 00:16:59,538
Alright.
Now just act like you belong.
420
00:16:59,672 --> 00:17:02,578
Oh, uh... hello.
421
00:17:04,347 --> 00:17:07,554
Uh... Squawk, squawk, squawk?
422
00:17:07,588 --> 00:17:08,657
Nice feathers.
423
00:17:08,757 --> 00:17:12,097
Dammit, Hank!
You can't speak English! Caw!
424
00:17:12,130 --> 00:17:13,566
Oh. Right.
Sorry.
425
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:14,535
Repeat after me.
426
00:17:14,802 --> 00:17:17,173
And it's very important you say
exactly what I say.
427
00:17:17,206 --> 00:17:19,077
Now remember, I'm an expert.
428
00:17:19,110 --> 00:17:20,180
Copy. yeah.
429
00:17:20,213 --> 00:17:23,452
Caw, caw.
Caw, caw, caw.
430
00:17:29,464 --> 00:17:32,436
Caw, caw, caw.
431
00:17:34,509 --> 00:17:37,548
I dunno, man.
This uh... it's kinda messed up.
432
00:17:37,648 --> 00:17:40,186
Can I just drive it to Canada or
something?
433
00:17:40,286 --> 00:17:42,891
Perhaps we can sweeten the deal.
434
00:17:43,693 --> 00:17:46,264
Dude... No way.
You gotta be kidding me.
435
00:17:46,298 --> 00:17:50,039
That's the uh--
1990-91 Hoops #205.
436
00:17:50,106 --> 00:17:51,742
Mark Jackson.
437
00:17:51,842 --> 00:17:53,747
Menendez brothers courtside.
438
00:17:53,847 --> 00:17:55,951
Signed by Eric and Lyle.
439
00:17:55,984 --> 00:17:57,319
Cam...
440
00:17:57,754 --> 00:18:00,459
Ah-ah-ah.
Not yet.
441
00:18:00,594 --> 00:18:02,030
Business first.
442
00:18:02,130 --> 00:18:04,301
Oh no.
I gotta do something.
443
00:18:04,401 --> 00:18:06,839
We're too late.
Get out of there!
444
00:18:06,873 --> 00:18:08,509
[sigh] Man...
445
00:18:10,647 --> 00:18:12,652
Mark!
Don't do it!
446
00:18:13,019 --> 00:18:15,189
You fool!
You're a dead man!
447
00:18:15,222 --> 00:18:17,326
- Hank?
- They're manipulating you.
448
00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:19,231
Come on, dude.
You see this card?
449
00:18:19,331 --> 00:18:20,934
- I'm training them.
- No.
450
00:18:21,034 --> 00:18:22,604
They're training you.
451
00:18:24,709 --> 00:18:26,145
Don't listen to him.
452
00:18:26,178 --> 00:18:28,883
We have what in
nature is referred
453
00:18:28,917 --> 00:18:31,288
to as a
"symbiotic relationship."
454
00:18:31,321 --> 00:18:33,694
We help each other
get what we want.
455
00:18:33,794 --> 00:18:35,964
Mark, it's not just about value.
456
00:18:36,031 --> 00:18:37,300
It's about the cost.
457
00:18:37,434 --> 00:18:39,171
Is having expensive cards really
458
00:18:39,204 --> 00:18:41,175
worth shooting an
eagle in the face?
459
00:18:41,208 --> 00:18:43,079
The real value
of cards is the fun
460
00:18:43,179 --> 00:18:46,384
times we spend together
building out collections.
461
00:18:47,187 --> 00:18:49,926
Yeah...
I can't do this.
462
00:18:50,026 --> 00:18:51,829
But I thought we were brothers.
463
00:18:51,896 --> 00:18:53,733
Nah, I already got a brother.
464
00:18:53,767 --> 00:18:56,940
And he doesn't make me kill
eagles for trading cards.
465
00:18:57,073 --> 00:18:59,645
Shame.
Sheryl Crow--
466
00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:05,790
... Peck his eyes out.
467
00:19:09,330 --> 00:19:13,438
[bang!] I don't negotiate
with terrorists.
468
00:19:16,211 --> 00:19:18,382
Uh... yeah, this isn't good.
469
00:19:20,052 --> 00:19:21,254
Dammit!
470
00:19:33,044 --> 00:19:35,382
Hi-ya! Hi-ya!
471
00:19:35,416 --> 00:19:37,821
They're actually pretty weak!
Just keep punching them.
472
00:19:37,921 --> 00:19:39,124
They've got hollow bones.
473
00:19:39,257 --> 00:19:42,463
I don't know if I can hold them
off much longer, Mark.
474
00:19:42,999 --> 00:19:45,603
Caw!
475
00:19:47,173 --> 00:19:50,145
Ha ha ha ha.
476
00:19:50,179 --> 00:19:52,584
Hello old friends.
477
00:19:52,618 --> 00:19:54,120
Chalupa.
478
00:19:54,154 --> 00:19:56,258
I come with a peace offering.
479
00:19:56,291 --> 00:19:59,030
Ultra-premium
Kirkland Brand trail
480
00:19:59,030 --> 00:20:01,802
mix with Goji
berries, raw peanuts,
481
00:20:01,902 --> 00:20:04,775
and truffle-infused cashews.
482
00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:13,860
Caw caw caw caw.
483
00:20:14,729 --> 00:20:16,365
Argh!
484
00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:17,333
Run!
485
00:20:17,433 --> 00:20:19,003
Wait but what about--
486
00:20:19,036 --> 00:20:20,072
Go!
Now!
487
00:20:20,173 --> 00:20:21,408
Um Hank, let's go!
488
00:20:21,509 --> 00:20:23,880
Go. C'mon. We gotta go.
489
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:29,490
Time for a little..
quid pro Crow.
490
00:20:29,959 --> 00:20:31,361
No!
491
00:20:39,812 --> 00:20:41,750
Fly eagles fly.
492
00:20:41,783 --> 00:20:42,951
Go Birds.
493
00:20:47,426 --> 00:20:48,797
I gotta say, uh...
Really nice of
494
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:51,168
Chalupa to die
for us and whatnot.
495
00:20:51,301 --> 00:20:52,237
Solid dude.
Solid dude.
496
00:20:52,538 --> 00:20:55,877
Yeah, and I really enjoyed his
posthumously published book.
497
00:20:56,011 --> 00:21:00,019
Alright... so I gotta say, this
new box has some juicy pulls.
498
00:21:00,052 --> 00:21:02,891
I'd say uh... sixty bucks.
499
00:21:02,925 --> 00:21:03,960
Sixty bucks?!
500
00:21:04,094 --> 00:21:05,363
Yeah, well... they're beaked.
501
00:21:05,396 --> 00:21:07,601
Beaked?
Ah, dammit!
502
00:21:07,702 --> 00:21:09,470
You uh... might not wanna
keep your
503
00:21:09,571 --> 00:21:11,441
collection near your
pet parakeet.
504
00:21:11,474 --> 00:21:13,947
Holy...
is that what I think it is?
505
00:21:14,047 --> 00:21:14,849
The puzzle card?
506
00:21:15,249 --> 00:21:18,122
Oh yeah, I think that's the
San Diego Chicken's uh, leg.
507
00:21:18,155 --> 00:21:19,658
No!
This checklist!
508
00:21:19,658 --> 00:21:20,627
Wait... what?
509
00:21:20,661 --> 00:21:23,065
No. This is it.
W-wow. See?
510
00:21:23,199 --> 00:21:24,902
Boston Red... Cox?
511
00:21:24,969 --> 00:21:27,641
Bingo! I think they only printed
twelve of these things.
512
00:21:27,741 --> 00:21:30,412
I'll give you $900 for
this right now.
36453
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof