Original subtitles

The following programme contains strong language and adult humour.

(ROB) 'Rom and I are in St Moritz teaming up with Team GB

in search of our winter sport.'

(BOTH) We want sticks.

(ROMESH) 'We had met some of Great Britain's biggest stars.'

(ALL WHOOP)

'But it was fair to say it had been a challenging start.'

No.

'We were still no closer to finding our sport

and we only had one shot left.'

'This week we're taking on one of Great Britain's most successful

Olympic events, curling.'

I don't know what the command is!

'We'll be hanging out with one of Team GB's brightest stars,

Mia Brookes.'

I've got no idea, what are you talking about?

What are you talking about? (LAUGHS)

'And finally seeing if there's a winter sport we can do.'

It's not bad.

(COMMENTATOR) 'So Rob Beckett with his first throw.'

Rob and I had been living it up in the luxury Swiss ski resort

of St Moritz, playground of the rich and famous.

But when we were out with our mate Eddie the Eagle,

we'd spotted our fashion game wasn't on point.'

Fancy shops, don't fancy a two-piece leather Gucci ensemble.

Oh, we should get matching outfits.

'So it felt like it would be rude not to at least try to blend in.'

I do like these outfits, as in what I mean by that is they fit in

with the surroundings of St Moritz. I felt like we were gonna stick out

but actually I feel like we're blending in.I think we fit in.

Erm, what do you think of my look?

What do I think of your look?

I like the boots, I like the trousers.They're well comfy.

I like the trousers, I like the coat. You know what you look like?

Yeah.You look like a stylish jacket potato.

Thank you. I like what you've done with your hair.

That's the problem. I thought I'd put the flaps up.

You look like Jebediah Springfield. Yeah.

Shall we go and try some winter sports?Let's do it.

'We were on our way to St Moritz's iconic Kulm Hotel,

home to one of the most exclusive ice rinks in the world

and where our final shot at a winter sport awaited us.'

Curling, I'm not saying it's easy but it's easier than skiing

and firing a gun, surely?

So I still think it'll be a challenge

but I feel like it's more in my wheelhouse.

'So to give us a fighting chance we were

going to be taught by the very best.

British Winter Olympic legend Eve Muirhead, who skippered her team

to gold in Beijing 2022, had agreed to show us the ropes.

Now appointed as top brass, Chef de Mission for Team GB,

she's in charge of Britain's Winter Olympic hopes.

She'd called in Team GB's curling squad led by Bruce Mouat

who are hotly tipped to win gold at the winter games.'

Hi, guys. Hello.Hello.

'They were going to be helping Eve show us how to curl like champions.'

So you're the Chef de Mission?Yes. So you're the big boss.Yeah.

I've never heard of Chef de Mission before so it's pretty exclusive.

Sounds good.Yeah.We need your help, we're struggling, ain't we?

Yeah. We're shit at everything,

so we're hoping this might be something we're OK at.

Do we need to change or...?

You do, you're gonna put some shoes on, you're gonna have one that's

a grippy sole but then you're also going to have one that's like Teflon

and it's slidey.Hold on, one shoe's slippy and the other shoe...

Grippy.Is grippy.Is grippy, grippy and slippy. OK, fine.

But you have got a gripper that you put over the top of it, so...

Oh, my god.So sort of like a shoe jonny.So...

(LAUGHTER) Oh.

That's what we used to call them back in my day when I used,

never use one in anger in the last decade but anyway.Anger?

Sorry about this. Sorry, let's go, let's curl.

'We had our orders from the chef to change our footwear

but there had been no mention of the elephant in the room.'

I've got two massive regrets. Regret number one, dressing like this,

regret number two, not mentioning we were doing this for a laugh.

We turned up, made no reference to it whatsoever,

so they're probably off somewhere

going what the fuck were they wearing?

'It was time for our first lesson

and we were already on the back foot.

We needed to pull out all the stops to impress Eve and the team.'

Almost.Close.

Close, you got it in this circle, almost.

Probably, I'm not gonna try and walk on that. I'll probably just do this.

(ALL LAUGH)

You have one shoe that has grip on it and the other one,

completely frictionless.

If somebody you knew was gonna walk out in an icy area and

you wanted them dead, you would give them some shoes without surface on.

I'm just crawling over to the jonny. (ALL LAUGH)

And you don't need dignity for this, do ya?No. Oh.

So we were told how to deliver a stone

and that is a lot of technique.

Then drive forward. (ALL LAUGH)

Better than mine.

You have to move into a lunge position very quickly.

I haven't made a move like that for, I would say, how old's our youngest?

Ten years.

That's it. There you go.

So it was tricky to get into that situation,

although I am thinking that when we get back from Switzerland

suggesting a bit of curling with Leesa.

That's it. Nice, push.

'But after a few more throws... That's better.

..I was starting to get the hang of things.'

Good job.I think... It feels like I've mastered it.

Rom, your fly's down.I feel like this might be my thing guys,

I think.No.Genuinely think about. No, your fly's down.Oh.

Not you're flying. (ALL LAUGH)

I honestly heard that as "you're flying now".

(ALL LAUGH)

I think I'm really getting to grips with it. No, your cocks hanging out.

'With stone throwing ticked off, next came sweeping,

frantically brushing the ice ahead of the stone

to help it glide further and straighter.'

Hard!

'All while the skipper barked commands.'

Oh, Jesus. Fucking hell.

'And it turns out it's a lot harder than it looks.'

Jesus. Keep it going!

Oh, god. Sweep.

It's just so soul-destroying, sweeping something up

that ain't there, I feel mad.

I feel like I've got OCD or something.

I feel like I just, I keep cleaning, get it clean.

'But that wasn't Rob's only problem.'

(MAN SHOUTS) Oh, he said stop, didn't he?

Keep going. Whoa. Whoa.

'The human jacket potato was getting lost in all the shouting.'

Sweep. Sweep.

I did struggle with the commands from the skipper.

All the way. Hard!

All the way! I don't know what the command is!

Sweep!

All the way. What?

So you may need to shout and tell them what to do.

OK. OK.

'But whatever it was they were saying

seemed to be rubbing off on Rom.'

Rahaa! Haha! Gala, gala! Faa! Gala, gala!

All the way, all the way! All the way!

Gala, gala, gala!

How was that?

I mean it kind of needs to be understood by the sweepers.

What were you even shouting then? Yeah.

Like harder, hard, really hard.OK. Hard, hard, hard.Poor Leesa.

She's not heard that in years, mate. (ALL LAUGH)

Where are you? Where are you? Come home. Who's that guy?

'Skippering aside, the more we practised

the more we were improving.

And curling started to feel like it might be the winter sport for us.'

I feel like finally we've actually found something

that we might be passable at.

Needs to curl, needs to curl. It needs, ah...Oh.

And the great thing about curling is you're in a team so you can hide.

Go, go, go!Close. Good shot, Hammy. Good shot.Good shot.

Yeah, yeah. That's quite good. Oh, fuck off, Zoolander.

'So we were determined to show Eve that we could do this

as we geared up for the final exercise.'

We've had some practice, we've thrown some stones,

done some sweeping, so now we've got to finish with a match.

OK.

'Rob and I would go head-to-head with one stone throw each.

Whoever was closest to the centre would win.'

Just here.

'To make things harder, Eve had already littered the target

with stones.'

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

'I was up first and I had to get it right first time.'

Good push.

It's wide. Where's this off to?Coming back!

No, needs to curl. Come on, hard, hard, hard, hard.

Good effort.

Close, nice shot.

'It was a decent effort, close to the target but slightly wide,

so annoyingly I'd left an opening for Rob.'

Let's go, Chans.

Sweep. Come on, sweep, sweep, sweep!

Line's not too bad, Bob, he needs to come in a little bit.

Oh, yes! Shit!

Yellow wins. It's a great shot.

'Rob had nailed it, landed his stone pretty much bang on the target,

and after blowing it at the bobsleigh and biathlon,

it finally felt like we'd found our winter sport.'

That was fun, I enjoyed that. Yeah. Thank you, guys.

Yeah. And it's so much harder, like, and graft

than I thought it was gonna be. Yeah. What a great sport. I'm a fan.

'But Eve wasn't finished yet,

she was about to drop a bombshell on us.'

So do you guys want to know what it's like to play for Britain?

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Yep, yeah. Yeah, absolutely, yeah.Of course.

Be a mad thing to say no to that.

Why don't we go to Canada and play in the World Championships?

The three of us, one of these guys, and we'll take on Canada.

That is insane.

Well, you know what, it's always the big rivalry,

Great Britain against Canada, but you guys can handle it.

We taught you this shot, god. I mean it feels like, you know

when someone gets promoted at a job too soon.

This is diversity gone mad. (ALL LAUGH)

'We couldn't quite believe what the boss at Team GB was offering us,

an opportunity to go up against our biggest rival on their own turf.'

So that's the big rivalry? Yeah, it is, all the time.

Yeah, let's do it. And one last thing.Yeah.

You're flying low again, buddy. Oh.

(ALL LAUGH)

Do you know what, thank you for being the monitor of that.Yeah.

I appreciate it. (ALL LAUGH)

'Rob and I are on a mission to find our winter sport.

And we finally found one we were half decent at.'

Oh, yes!

'But after giving our mentor, Eve Muirhead,

a demo of our curling skills, she dropped a bomb on us.'

So do you guys want to know what it's like to play for Britain?

'In a few days we'd be flying to Canada to face Team GB's

arch rivals, the Canadians.

A one-off special match, right in the middle

of the World Curling Championships.'

I'm very excited, I don't know why Eve thought that would be

an appropriate course of action based on what's happened today

but she has done. Look, that's not on me,

that's on the Chef de Mission.

'And the Chef de Mission had given strict instructions.

The only way we'd be allowed near the ice in Canada

was if we practised.'

What I'm very much hoping is we discover that actually we're really

good at this and we're probably ready to take on the Canadians.

It's a good one. A good one.

'The practice was paying off and we weren't looking too bad.'

There we go. Just where papa wanted it.

'It was looking like the Canadians might have a game on their hands.'

Oh, fuck.

I just think Romesh should not be on ice

which is not great for this episode but he should not be on ice,

it's dangerous. He went down there like an 85-year-old nan.

That really hurt. It looked awful.

Are you OK? (LAUGHS) No.

'Rom needed a break from the ice and a little inspiration.

Luckily for us, Eve had just the answer.

Team GB's most exciting Winter Olympic prospect in years,

Mia Brookes.

Mia is a snowboarding wonderkid.

At 16 she became the youngest ever snowboarding world champion

after winning slope star gold at the 2023 World Championships.

Then at 17 she was crowned BBC Young Sports Personality of the Year.

Now at 18 she's widely viewed as one of Great Britain's

biggest medal hopes for the upcoming Olympics.'

Nice to meet ya.

'Exactly the kind of inspiration Rom and I needed to prepare

for our Canadian curling event.'

So how did it feel to actually, like, win the World Championships?

I imagine it's incredibly overwhelming, right?

Yeah, it was definitely a bit of a shock

but I think just landing the trick on the last jump was, like,

that was all I was hyped on for that whole day,

not even winning the world champs.

Was that where you was the first female to complete the trick?Yeah.

It's the one with loads of numbers, weren't it?Yeah, 1440.

(COMMENTATOR LAUGHS)

Look at this, 16 years old. Cap 14, are you kidding me?

1440. Sick.

So when you pulled off the 1440, when you landed it,

were you almost surprised?

Yeah, it was like landed it and I mean I still had the rest of my run

to do so I was like I'm gonna just have to be hyped at the end about it

and I landed it and I just couldn't believe it,

I was like oh my god, like, it's insane, it's the first time

I've ever done it and tried it, so...Wow. Really?Oh, yeah.

You were like travelling around, practising snowboarding

from a very early age. If a kid watches you now at the Olympics,

like a British kid, and they decide they want to go into it,

are they able to do that? Without going abroad, can you do it?

In the UK it's pretty difficult but obviously you could grow up

how I grew up, you know, riding rails and just...

What's riding rails? You know, like the rails.

Oh my god, sorry, Mia. Sorry.

He doesn't know what riding, I'm so sorry.

I know what it is, it's when you're riding the rail.

You know what I mean? I tell you what,

to save Mia from telling me, why don't you tell me what it is?

It's when you sit, you've got a rail and you ride the shit out of it,

do you know what I mean?What rail? Network SouthEast.

I've got no idea, what are you talking about?Thameslink?

(ALL LAUGH)

You know the metal rails that you can get?

Yeah, yeah, I got you. Then you have the metal things.

It's horrible when you do that with your bracelet.I know.

It's like he's dressed up for it. It's a bit ethnic, innit?

God, that bracelet's been waiting for this day.Riding the rail.

Oh, no, that is, come on.

Erm, Mia, we're gonna be competing at the World Championships,

curling, Team GB. Yeah?

Now as an experienced champion, what advice can you give us?

Definitely just stay calm

and just pretend that you're not gonna go and compete.

I mean, I don't know how it's different in curling or if it is

but that's what I do. One of the main differences is

you're good at snowboarding whereas genuinely we are shit.

Anyway, Mia, best of luck. Yeah.

Thank you so much, it was genuinely an honour for us to meet you.

Yeah, thank you very much. It was nice to meet you guys.

'It was time to say goodbye to London and head to our final stop,

Canada.

We were travelling nearly 3,000 miles to Fredericton

in the Canadian province of New Brunswick.

But our final destination wasn't exactly what we'd expected.

Fredericton's vibe was more sleepy sitcom than global sporting hub,

but over the last week it had been playing host to the curling

World Championships. We'd landed the day before our match

and Eve already had us looking the part.'

It's exciting, isn't it?Yeah. Fredericton.

I like the outfits.Yeah. Love a tracksuit.

Yeah, feel very flammable. I feel I'm part of something now.

Yes, but we... I feel like we're a gang.

I think we look like we're ready for a walk round Lakeside.Yeah, I...

(LAUGHS) That's how I feel, I'd love a walk round Lakeside,

like this is great.Yeah, what we need is a couple dogs, XL Bully.

Cor, it's quiet here, innit? Well, we are by...

I've not seen anyone, the airport's smaller

than the big Sainsbury's at Sydenham.

Apparently when I arrived they put up a red flag in Fredericton

about immigration concerns. Mate, I tell you what,

I feel vulnerable just being with you.Yeah.

I'll get caught in the crossfire. Yeah.

(LAUGHS)

Genuinely, it's like, for you it's like taking a unicorn

around Fredericton. Yeah.

On the way in I did see there was a Chinese restaurant.Close enough.

Middle ground for you.It's close enough, isn't it?It just...

Might just go in there and go what's up, my brothers?

(LAUGHS) Stay strong.Fight the good fight.

Let's keep pumping rice into these motherfuckers up here.

(BOTH LAUGH)

'With our outfits sorted it was time to meet the team,

so we were off to the curling World Championships.'

(COMMENTATOR) 'Hello and welcome to Fredericton, Canada,

inside the Willie O'Ree Place today for the curling championship.

The roaring game returns to this charming city.'

'We'd gate-crashed the venue to meet up with Eve.'

Hey. Hey, welcome to Canada.

'And reunite with Bobby Lammie from Team GB's curling squad.'

Bobby's gonna join us as a four out here in Canada, to play the worlds.

Are you serious? I couldn't miss this.

This team's amazing.But we've got pretty tough opposition though.

Melissa Adams from Canada.

'Melissa Adams is a former world junior champion-winning skipper

and she'd handpicked a team of Canadian curlers to take us on.

The odds were stacked against us, but we had Eve and Bobby,

and if anyone knew how to beat the Canadians it was the chef.'

It's gonna be tough so we need to bond as a team.

We've arrived as a four. Yeah.

We're gonna leave as a... a cube. Yeah.

OK.Shall we go?Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it, come on.

'The chef had spoken. We needed to bond as a team,

but what we were about to discover was Fredericton was not

the team-building capital of Canada.'

So we've tried to find something that's a team bonding exercise

within driving distance of where we are.

So there's a number of things, there's a cat cafe,

there's a large lobster, those are all two, three hours away.

So we've gone for this, which is an 1820 recreation of the settlers

in New Brunswick which is the best thing we've been able

to come up with, but for context,

if my brother had organised this for his stag do, I would not attend.

'We're in Canada and in less than 24 hours we'd be competing with Team GB

at the World Curling Championships. And our captain, Eve Muirhead...

Hey. Hey, welcome to Canada.

..had a plan for our final preparations.'

We need to bond as a team.

'Trouble was, our options in the quite city of Fredericton

were pretty limited.

We'd come to Kings Landing, a living history village

in New Brunswick.'

This is nice, isn't it?

'Where we'd be stepping back over 200 years for a day

of team-building exercises.'

OK, it's lovely to meet you all, so myself, I'm Mrs Haggerman.

Lovely to meet you. So have you come very far today?

Yeah. London.Scotland.

London? Scotland? So you're fresh off the boat then?Yeah.

Don't look at him and say that, but yeah.

So do you get lots of newcomers here?

Well, we don't get too many newcomers these days

but the ones that we do are usually from Ireland, Scotland.

Any from Sri Lanka?I don't know that I've heard of Sri Lanka.

Right.I've heard of Ceylon. Have you heard of Ceylon?

That's the old sort of name of Sri Lanka, yeah.Ah.

Yeah, but she's old, well, not old, but you're from an old time.

Oh, wow.

Genuinely I feel like I am off my tits.

Wow, hello.Hello. Are you all right?

I don't know how accurate the recreation is but apparently

they stay completely in character.

Enjoy your day, have a good one. From Ceylon.

Look, it's a big roll of the dice, but what I'm hoping

is that by the end of this, Eve, Bobby, Rob and myself are a unit.

And that depends on some people pretending to be in 1820.

'Mrs Haggerman was taking us on an immersive tour of Kings Landing

with tasks and challenges along the way

that were meant to pull us together as a team.'

If we go up to the sawmill and see Mr Drewitt he might have some work

for you if you're willing to give it a go?OK.Yeah, sure.

Sounds good, yeah. Sounds great, doesn't it?

Team building like I've never done before.

'The first stop on our tour was a sawmill, where village locals

Mr Drewitt and Mr Lint were hard at work.'

Oh, wow. Look at them go.

Good day, Mr Drewitt. Oh, good day.

Good day.Oh, good day.Good day, good day.Well, here we go.

I bought you some folks here straight from Great Britain.

Do you think maybe they could lend you a hand with sawing your wood?

Oh, yeah, they can.That looks like hard work though that, is it?

It is. Yeah.

If you have to do all this by hand it takes a lot of time.

Right, shall we have you prove your metal then?

'Mrs Haggerman was challenging us to a log sawing contest.

Me and Bobby were gonna face off against Mr Drewitt and Mr Lint.

Mr Drewitt, the way you're stood, it looks like we're

chopping your knob off, it's quite stressful for us.

'But once everyone was in a safe position...

Mrs Jones, would you be so kind as to hold the log with me?

All right, gentlemen, on your marks.

..the big saw off was on.'

Get set, go!

Come on, Bobby, come on, Bobby, you've got this.

Oh, come on, lads, you can do it. You've got this, guys, yes, yes!

So Bobby Lammie from Team GB's curling and Robert Beckett from

Team GB's route one comedy faced off against Mr Drewitt and Mr Lint...

Come on.

..with Mrs Jones in what I would describe as, the closest thing

I would describe it to was Mrs Jones was presenting herself

across the log.

Pull! Pull.

You got this.Come on, Bobby. You're doing really well.

This is mental. I honestly feel like I'm on an acid trip.

Why are we at a saw mill to team bond to take on Canada tomorrow

in the curling?

You've got this, you got this. This is gonna be close.

Yes. Oh.

Are they done? Even without a chainsaw.

Gave me a head rush, that. Mrs Jones, do you mind me saying

I think that's partly your fault.

'The day hadn't got off to a great start.

We'd lost our first team-building challenge.'

That was insane.

'And sat in the back of the cart it felt like

we'd taken a hit to morale.'

I'd say team bonding's not going amazing.

I feel like I'm in a horror film.

If I can leave here alive I'll be happy.

'I wasn't the only one pranging out.

When the chef had suggested team bonding,

this was definitely not what she had in mind.'

You look round that carriage, that's a lot of stoney faces.

Bobby and Eve looked like they'd been trafficked,

and in a way they have, they've been bought out to a foreign country

and put to work in the back of a horse-drawn carriage.'

'Less than an hour into the tour and our team spirit was already being

put to the test. Looking around it was hard to imagine

what Mrs Haggerman had in store for us next.'

Oh, look, it's Miss Sear, she's got her slingshots out.

Do you guys want to give it a go? Sure, yeah.

Erm, OK.

Miss Sear was holding a slingshot competition with Mr Lint, Mrs Jones

and a couple of others. What the fuck is going on?

'Unbelievably, our next team bonding activity was a race against

the villagers to knock down three tin cans with ye olde slingshot.

As mad as it felt standing there with our slingshots fully loaded,

we had to win to level it.'

Get set. Shoot.

(METALLIC CLANK) (ALL LAUGH)

Keep going too high.

Oh, well done.

'Mrs Jones had knocked down a can for the Canadians on her first shot.

And they were starting to look a bit too pleased with themselves.

It felt like British pride was hanging in the balance.'

(CHEERING)

All of a sudden we got all of the cans down at the same time.

And as we grabbed each other arm in arm...

(SING-SONG) Champion, champion!

Started singing champione, champione.

Gave two fingers to Mrs Jones,

I suddenly thought to myself, this has worked.

Yes.

Beyond all expectations, we have engaged in a successful

team bonding exercise. There were some regrets.

Rob gave Mrs Jones the old fake handshake.

Sorry. Sorry, Mrs Jones. (WHOOPS)

I don't think it's particularly gracious but, you know,

we were carried away in the moment you know, the team had bonded.

They're Canadians, fuck 'em.

'We'd got a win, but at one a piece,

Mrs Haggerman and her crew weren't gonna let us leave

without a decider.'

All right, so this was a test of skill,

but maybe we can best you in a test of strength.

Oh.Oh.OK. We'll take you on in that.

I think we have some old rope behind the barn, don't we?

Yes, we do.

'The whole village descended onto the field for our final

head-to-head, a tug of war against four of Kings Landing's finest.'

Sorry, what, is it us against, is it you four?

Yes, we're the team. Is it a bit, is it cos we're...

What are you trying to say? Actually, do you know what,

it's a good 50-50 contest, good luck.

Now I'm all up for letting anyone of any age enjoy sport,

but that tug of war was unethical.

They have a combined age of about 452 on that side.

I wasn't worried about losing the tug of war,

I was worried about them losing their lives.

'But despite our concerns, Mrs Haggerman had signed it off

and it was game on.

Yes, we were having a battle of strength against a Canadian team

made up mostly of pensioners.

But if we won this tug of war it could be the moment that transformed

Rob Beckett, Eve Muirhead, Bobby Lammie and myself,

Romesh Ranganathan, into a fully united Team GB.'

On your marks, ladies and gentlemen. Three, two, one. Go!

Oh my god!

(SHOUTING ENCOURAGEMENT)

Fucking hell, they're well strong!

Team GB takes the win. Oh, they're so strong.

You've already won.

(ALL LAUGH)

What was that?

I want a drug test. Mrs Jones, you're a fucking unit.

Jesus.

I will say, Mr Beckett, you had already won.

Oh, we'd already won? Yeah, we'd won.Oh.

Had you stopped pulling then?Yeah. I was doing it on me own!

Well done, that was a great contest.

'Victory had been declared for Team GB and after a bumpy start

we could just about call our team building day a success.'

We've got closer as a team because we've got a shared experience

of weirdness, like people that have survived a traumatic event.

Thank you so much for coming.Thank you so much.It's been amazing.

I feel like we've bonded as a team. Yeah.

Haven't we, guys?Team GB. Come on, look.Thank you.

There you go, we're ready to go. Ready for the match.

We won the slingshot, tug of war, so, you know, we've done,

we are on a winning streak.

We've just got to keep this form and momentum up into the finals

and before you know it, if me and Romesh stay away from the curls

and just do a bit of mopping, we might win.

Thank you. See you, guys, bye. Bye.

'Rob and I were in Fredericton, Canada,

for the World Curling Championships,

and after a full-on day of team building with Eve and Bobby...

Oh, they're so strong! You've already won.

..we were feeling fighting fit as we returned to the championships

to finally take on our arch rivals, the Canadians.'

It all comes down to this, we are here to smash the Canadians.

Based on my experience of curling, I would say there's a lot riding on

Eve and Bobby, a lot, and by a lot I mean all of it.

'And after Rom's untimely fall back in London...

Oh, fuck.

..we'd taken steps to help keep him on his feet.'

I'm a bit worried about this to be honest,

Romesh is terrified of slipping over, so we've got a little system

where the little rubber jonny that goes on the shoe that stops you

slipping, he's gonna get into position, then I'm gonna release

his jonny to enable the slippy shoe to be slippy

and then follow him with the used jonny to pop back on the foot

once he's finished. That way keeping him safe and secure.

'So with our showdown just hours away, things were getting serious.'

Look, I just don't want to be utter crap, you know?

Two episodes hinge on how we do in this,

so try and stay up, don't be too embarrassing,

that's the goal, and smash the Canadians to fucking pieces.

All right, so, er, what's the strategy?

Well, we're here now. I'm so nervous, I'm so sorry.

Come on, I don't want any messing around.

No, OK.Right. You'll be all right, Rom.

You're gonna throw lead the first two stones, Romesh.

Rob, you're gonna throw the second two.Yep.

Bobby's gonna play third and then I'm gonna bring it home for us.

OK. OK, respect.

We're here for Team GB, so we've gotta win.

We're not gonna let you down. And opposition are behind us.

Is that them?OK. So just...Those guys.

Don't let them hear our strategy and like.

I'd hate to be facing off against us today. I'm feeling really good.

He looks like a Bond villain, the tall one.

Do you guys feel nervous? Yeah, it's the world final.

It's probably the most nervous I've ever been for a curling game.

Is that due to us being with you? Yeah.Oh, OK.Yeah.

Last time me and Bobby played together we won gold, so...Oh.

No pressure.Yeah. All right.

He's worried about falling over, so you know the little....

We can't worry about falling over. Well, I...He is.

I'm really worried about it. He does.

The idea is when he's crouched down and he's ready to release,

I remove his jonny. And then he can throw the stone

and then I bring the jonny back to him when he's ready to stand.Yeah.

I will signal to him to reapply the jonny when I'm ready to.Yeah, yeah.

But I won't be able to get up from that po..., so I'll just stay there.

So you just stay. He'll stay down. Until he's...

I'll put the jonny back on and then he's up, and it's the same jonny

every time, we don't change the jonny?No.

You've both got your own one though. Yeah.We've got our own jonnies.

Absolutely, but I'll be dealing with my own jonny.

We don't share jonnies. You can't share them.

We can't share, no. Let's go.Yeah, right then, let's get in the zone.

One of them?But we just need to finish it off, guys.

OK. Curl.Curl.

Let's do this. Good day.

After you.You got this, Rom. Yeah. You got this too, probably.

Your jonny's my jonny, yeah? No, no, it's not.

'The countdown for our match was on, and as the arena started filling up

we'd been invited on to the ice to get a feel for it.'

This is so slippy, innit?

'But we were already in trouble.'

That's it.That's not bad. Yes, Rom.

Oh, bollocks. (CROWD LAUGHS)

This is mental.

'I'd been on the ice less than a minute and my goal to stay upright

was already out the window.'

It is slipperier, innit, that. (LAUGHS) It's so slippy.

That is so much slipperier than anywhere else we've done it.

(COMMENTATOR) 'Please welcome the competing teams for this match.

Team Canada!' (CROWD CHEERS)

I don't like this, I am absolutely bricking it.

'And Team Great Britain!' (CROWD CHEERS)

I still haven't mastered being on the ice,

haven't mastered the footwear. I am shitting it actually,

to be honest with you. There's a good chance that after

my first stone there's gonna be a brown trail across the ice.

(ALL) Team Canada!

Oh, shall we do that? No, no, no.

'We were up against it.'

Oh gosh. Right, guys, let's get dialled in.

'Not only was it a big away game, what made it worse

was the Canadian cameras were all over us,

ready to cover our curling debut.'

'Hello and welcome, things will be brewing inside

the Willie O'Ree Place today.

A game of curling between Canada and Great Britain.

This has all the makings of a classic match-up between

the two powerhouses in the curling world.

We'll see if Canada decides to start this game aggressive with a guard.

Does look like we'll get the guard

but perhaps not as centred as they would like.'

'Canada weren't off to the best start, but now it was my turn

and we were about to find out if operation rubber jonny

was gonna be a success.'

Do I need to take it? You get on, I'll take the jonny. There you go.

Where do you want me to put it? Here? Here?Yeah, fine.

Get your foot in.Get your foot in, get your foot in the...

(CHUCKLES)

OK.Yes, Rom. Just here.

'The crowd was already on my back,

but Mia had prepared me for this moment.'

Stay calm and just pretend that you're not gonna go and compete.

'I was ready. Team GB were counting on me and I couldn't mess this up.'

Slide it, aim up there.

(COMMENTATOR) 'It's a small fumble.

Perhaps the occasion getting to Ranganathan.

It's out of bounds.' 'I'd messed it up.'

'The pressure a little too much.'

'A big crowd, and he's never played in front of a big crowd.'

'My stone had gone out of play, I still hadn't made it to my feet

and I couldn't wait to get the jonny back on,

and with the Canadians' second stone landing in the house...

'Oh, it'll be coming into the ring, so short stone, Canada.

..my next go gave me a shot at redemption.'

Clear! Clear!

'But it was nearly as pathetic as the first.'

Well done, Rom.

(CROWD LAUGHS)

'I was miles off target again and

Canada took advantage to slip another stone into the house.'

'Oh, really adding to the pressure here now for Great Britain.'

'Rob was up next.' Just right round.

'I was sweeping so long as I could stay on my feet.'

Not bad. Come on.

'Rob Beckett with his first throw.'

OK.

Yeah, go. Yep, yep, yep, keep going, keep going!

'I'd stayed upright only for Rob's stone to collide into mine.'

'The weight would have really been quite good there.'

'We were all over the place and Canada had us on the ropes.'

'Oh, Canada just piling these stones in.'

'Adding to Great Britain's misery for the time being.'

'The Canadians were totally dominating

and this was fast becoming an embarrassment.'

Hit this one away! OK.

Yep!

'Oh, they have a good handle this time.'

'This is getting close here for Rob Beckett.'

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

'What's he got here, a hit and roll, in for shot stone,

look at that from Rob Beckett.'

Come on, that's how you curl. Come on!

What a shot.

'Somehow I'd pulled it out the bag.'

Now we're cooking, now it's hotting up.

'My shot had put us in a great position going into the final stage

and I was buzzing.'

A lot of pressure on you lads now.

'So I was going to start the mind games.'

Crunch moment, mate. Are you MJ or OJ? Let's see.

'This one comes up a bit light so still shot stone for Great Britain.'

'I definitely got in his head and we were on the front foot,

but as the pros started to go toe to toe...

we came out on top.' Yep, yep!

'But Canada had their skipper up next.'

'A bit of trouble coming Great Britain's way,

the legend Melissa Adams, world junior champion for Canada in 1998.'

Yep, yep, yep, yep! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

'Our scoring stones had been cleared out.

Canada were ahead by millimetres.

It all came down to this.

Eve's final shot and we were ready to sweep for our lives.'

Whoa, whoa!

Yes, sweep, sweep!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

'This one needs to curl for Eve Muirhead.

And it will get there.'

Yeah, come on. Come on. Yes!

'Great Britain will be our curling champions.'

'We'd done it. With Eve and Bobby's help we'd got a taste of what

it's like to compete for Team GB,

and even better we'd beaten the Canadians in their own backyard.'

I loved that, that was great, we won.

The thing is you actually made a contribution, let's be honest.

Your shot was unbelievable.It was very good.Thank you very much.

It was a team effort.Yeah.I wouldn't have been able to get it on

that point if Romesh's one weren't so out of the way.Very true.

Do you know what, I know this is a mad call,

but I genuinely think Kings Landing...Brought us together.

That experience is what made us a team today.

Team building I'll never forget.

Do you know who to dedicate this to? Mrs Jones.Exactly.

Thank you for letting us do this. Thanks.It's been amazing.

I'm glad we didn't let you down and you got your victory.

It's time to celebrate. Wow.

I enjoyed that. Me too, but I did nothing.

You got one in. Yeah.

And that was a blocko, you know? Yeah.

You can't have Christiano Ronaldo without Nicky Butt.No.

You need...Thank you so much, one of the nicest things

you've ever said to me. They didn't like the trash talk.

Cos I said to him, I went it's clutch time, are you MJ or OJ?

I don't know what that meant, cos I meant Michael Jordan,

but it sounded like Michael Jackson, then OJ...

You said OJ as in OJ Simpson? It's a bit problematic.

What the hell did you say that for? I just thought like are you gonna

deal with this like Michael Jordan would or...

Didn't OJ Simpson murder a woman and get away with it?Yeah.

OK. Weird. Yeah, it was actually.

It's a strange... Yeah, I just saw the glove.

I get it, it scans, do you know what I mean?

I was just in the moment. Thank you Kings Landing.

Yep. I dedicate this victory...

..to Mrs Jones.Mrs Jones. Feisty little Mrs Jones.Exactly.

I was about to say she's looking down but I think she's still alive,

it's only been a day. Yeah.

So we've travelled far and wide, St Moritz, Streatham, Fredericton.

That's the holy trinity, isn't it? That's the way.

That's the Winter Olympics holy trinity.

'From the frozen slopes of St Moritz...

..to the ice rinks of London.

And the roaring crowds of Canada... (CROWD CHEERS)

Come on!

'..Rob and I set out to find our winter sport and along the way

we met athletes past and present

to find out just how incredibly talented they are

and just how close to hopeless we are.'

(COWBELL JANGLES) Go on, Rom!

'And to cap it off we were given the opportunity...

Yes, come on.

..to fly the flag with Team GB. But had we achieved our goal?'

I think I've found my sport. Go on, what is it?

Hammer nail on the bit of wood in the pub. I'm good at that.Yeah.

Wallop. That's probably what I'm best at.

I tell you what I think I'm good at, stuff that means that my

contribution has no influence on the result, so for example...Yeah.

Bobsled. Yeah, you were good at that.

I was very fast but I don't have to do anything.

You're a bobsleigher and I'm a curler. That's probably

the best thing I've done, that curl today.

Yeah, no, you're really good. Anyway, curling, bobsled.Bosh.

We out. Thank you very much. All right.

All right. Chef de Mission accomplished.

Chef de Mission complete. Yeah.

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