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Original subtitles

The following programme contains strong language and adult humour.

ROB: 'Rom and I are back.' It is very Hollywood, isn't it?

Well, it is Hollywood. Yeah.

'Ready to throw ourselves into the most weird...'

And that is Only Fans.

'..and wonderful worlds.'

(LAUGHS)

'Together, we're going on a journey of discovery...'

What have you learnt?You can do too many series of something.

'..to find out what we like...'

"Do you like UFC?" I was like, "What do you think?"

'..and what we don't.'

One and two and three, ah.

(LAUGHTER)

Action. (BOTH YELL)

'This week, we're throwing ourselves

into the ultra-physical world of UFC.'

(CHOKES, LAUGHS)

'We'll be hanging out with the Hall of Famers...'

I'll show you something here, Rom, look - I've only got one eye.Jesus!

'..as we head to Vegas for UFC International Fight Week.'

Let's go! (GRUNTS)

'We'll get the ultimate fan experience...'

'..before a face off just like the pros,

high above the Las Vegas Strip.'

Alright, let's go. Fight's on!

# JOEY VALENCE & BRAE: Club Sandwich

Romesh Ranganthan. UFC.

The Ultimate Fighting Championship. Yeah.

I am buzzing my nut off. Yeah.

And you don't care. I'm not into it.

Have you watched any of it? No.

I'm aware of, like, Conor McGregor. Probably about it.OK.

I just feel like it's so brutal.

It's proper Wetherspoons car park for me.

What I love about UFC is,

I love the fact that you can go from nothing...Yeah.

..and become super successful, earn lots of money,

and make a name for yourself, whatever your background.OK.

If you're the best at it. Whereas, you know, if you're...

Rob, do me a favour, just cut the bullshit reasons out, OK?

Because purely, what you're saying that for

is to give it some sort of nuance and whatever.I do!

People getting their head kicked in gives you the horn.

That is basically it, isn't it? I've got a thirst for blood.

(LAUGHS)

What are you hoping happens as a result of us doing this UFC ep?

Make some great connections for tickets.

For a long-term strategy. Yeah, yeah.

You're one of the, I would say - and I don't mean this in a bad way -

one of the greasiest little blaggers in the game.

The world's a flume and I'm an oiled body.

That's disgusting. But anyway, go on.

I'd also really love to do a bit of training,

and one of the UFC fighters goes, "D'you know what?

You have got all the attributes to be a great UFC fighter.

However, you don't need to do it but if you were to do it,

you'd be the best." And I'd go, "D'you know what? Thanks."

So obviously, we're doing a UFC show.

What makes me slightly nervous is what are we gonna do?

Well, what are your thoughts, me and you,

squaring up to each other in the octagon,

and having a no-striking fight. What d'you think about that?

Cos I don't think we can have an actual fight.What does that mean?

No punching or kicking. Right.

Just sort of wrestling and submissions.

Where if it's too painful, you just tap...

..and then the other person's won and you let go.OK.

So like, if I grabbed your ear like that.Ay, ay, ay.

You have to tap or I'll keep going.

See, there you go. That kinda thing.

No. I didn't even like that! I think that's actually illegal.

No. We're not doing that.

'Rom was clearly reluctant.

Obviously, we needed to work out what we could do,

and I knew just the guy to help.

Leon Edwards is one of the UK's most successful UFC fighters.'

(CROWD ROARS)

'The former welterweight champion has racked up an impressive 22 wins

since his professional debut.

With the highlight being his stunning knockout victory

against Kamaru Usman in 2022...'

Oh!

'..that really put him on the map.

So I'd arranged a taster session with Leon at his gym in Birmingham,

the training base for not only the former champ,

but also a whole host of up-and-coming fighters.'

So this is it. This is sparring.

But you have light spar, heavy spar. I don't wanna do any of this.

You'll feel better after it, a few little jabs.

I'm not doing that.

Ooh. Oh!

That went right in his face, didn't it?

I mean, it is quite intense up close. I find this absolutely horrifying.

This is great. I love it.

Is this exciting you?

Look, I like the sport.

So I do sparring - but never proper sparring -

body sparring is where you just do just little jabs.

Nothing in the head.This is the sort of thing I'm talking about.

It's only a little... Yeah, but I don't want it.

I don't want it.But that wasn't... Yeah, but I don't want it. OK?

Well, you're about to get it. I don't want it!

Well, OK. Well, you are gonna get it.

Well, I don't want it. OK.

Rob is so into this.

I mean, this is Rob, like, charged up,

like an absolute fiend in a nightclub about 3am going...

(MIMICS ROB) "You gotta see this, it's amazing, I'm your guide.

Watch this, it's gonna absolutely batter him.

He's gonna batter him! Are you hard? I'm hard."

# NOTHING BUT THIEVES: Pop The Balloon

'In UFC, fighters are allowed to use a range of mixed martial arts,

known as MMA, which means that you get to see anything

from Brazilian Jujitsu to kickboxing.'

Hello, lads, you alright? How's it going, you alright?

'And Leon and his coach, Dave Lovell,

were going to take us through a crash course of the very basics of MMA.'

We're a little bit nervous,

cos we've been watching you guys train and it's quite intense.Yeah.

We're on sparring today so he was a bit more intense than normal.

Oh, so that's more intense? OK, that's good to know.

Alright.You boys will do more, like, paddle work.

Right.I'll show you how to kick. Head kick.

Leg kicks, punches.Yeah? Blending it in so, let's go.

Who wants to go first? I'm excited.

Well, Rob's more of the expert, aren't you?

Well, on the way over here, he said,

"I could be something somebody could spot. D'you know what I mean?"

Don't throw me under the bus cos you're scared!I'm joking.

(CHUCKLES)

# ROYAL BLOOD: Boilermaker

'First up, submissions.

Something Rob was particularly keen to try.'

Submissions.

OK.So like, if I grabbed your ear like that...

Ay, ay, ay.No, you have to tap, or I'll keep going.

See, there you go. That kinda thing. No.

'Like myself, Leon didn't think this was a good idea for two amateurs,

and he was about to show Rob why, with a rear naked choke.'

So you cut these off, that's how you pass out.

So by me going here, I'm locking that side off and that side off.

Then we lock in to force it there. Yep.Then I squeeze.

(CHOKES) (LAUGHTER)

That was horribly embarrassing.

You try?Try it on him? Yeah, no, he try it on you.

You've got to remember, lads, you've gotta release straightaway.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't hold it.

This seems... I...

(LAUGHS) Right.

OK, so get your hooks in there.

Control him there, that's it.

That's right where I want you. Is this...?

Right this seems... it seems dangerous.

This gonna go all the way round. Around.

To grab on the shoulder and squeeze that.Fucking 'ell, Rom.

That one, go behind the head. OK.Right, OK.

Like that. Push it.

Fuck off. Lean into it.

(CHOKES, LAUGHS)

And that is only just a little glimpse of pressure.

Five seconds, you're gone to sleep.

'Choke holds clearly weren't a good idea, then.

So now, we were going to move onto something we could actually do.

Striking.

And Leon was going to demonstrate for us

what won him his welterweight title.'

(LEG WHIPS) Wow!

Yeah, you're gonna turn your body into the kick.

Yeah? It's like a gun.

So imagine that across there or there.

That actually hurt with your arm.

'So now it was time to show Leon my own championship credentials.'

That hurt. And finish with a kick.

Ooh! (LAUGHTER)

That must've really hurt! He's just booted a wall!

He's basically booted a wall.

(CACKLES)

Now look, I'm not trying to say I'm an expert here, but it was a big pad.

We were told, hit it with your shin.

He managed to hit the centre of the pad with his big toe.

Ooh! Not bad.

It looked so painful.

Cos it's a pad, but it's still quite hard.

That's the idea! Fucking 'ell!

So the foot, weren't it? (GRUNTS)

I'd say it would be like... booting the bottom of a bed.

(LAUGHS)

'Just one kick in, and I'd already injured myself.

It wasn't the start I was hoping for,

but it was hard to imagine things getting any worse.'

Good slam, man.

'And then it turned out that Rob...'

Good. One more. '..was a natural.'

For God's sake! (LAUGHS)

Leon Edwards. "Definitely something there."

There's something there!

This is Rob's wet dream, right? This is like...

if he could put anything he wanted into a porn search,

it would be "sparring with Leon Edwards", right?

That and bang.

Not bad, not bad, to be fair.

I'm not very good with confidence.

When Leon Edwards says, "you've got something about you",

I'm surprised he didn't explode on the spot.

I'm amazed that he stayed as humble as he did.

Like, genuinely, I thought he might take his top off

and then pull his shorts down, and then his boxers,

and just go, "Have a look at this. I've got something about me."

The side control. Alright.

'For Leon's last lesson, he was gonna teach us how to grapple.'

Go on, Rom. Go on, Rom!

(LAUGHS) Go on, Rom! Yes, Rom!

But in all fairness, in all fairness,

what he did there, he got outdone,

but the moves he was making with the first, right moves to escape.

Turn to his side, tried to shrimp out, which wasn't bad.

That's his natural instinct.

That natural instinct, that was good.Yeah?That was good.

Yeah, this happened to me a lot at school.Oh, right!

'I'd finally shown some natural talent.'

How d'you shrimp? So, you're looking to...

Yep. From there, up and then turn.

'And now I knew how to properly escape a pin,

did I have what it takes to pin somebody, too?'

Right. One, two, three, go.

There you go. Shrimp, shrimp.

'I'd actually found something I was good at,

and I was starting to enjoy myself.'

You're going to sleep, baby. You're going to sleep.(LAUGHTER)

Go to sleep, darling. (LAUGHTER)

Go to sleep, baby. OK.

(COACHES CHEER)

You wanna go?! (LAUGHTER)

'But Rom wasn't the only one having fun on the mat.'

(SIGHS) Oh, God.

Oh, fucking 'ell, Rob!

Wait till you're in position before you leave your weight on me.

You're not in a position to tell me what to do, you're on your back.

Poor Lou, by the way. (LAUGHS)

D'you know what was weird? Me and Romesh are rolling around

like two lonely, randy prisoners.

Yeah, not bad, not bad, go on.

Push your arse out, push your arse out, arse out.

And I liked it.

I'd say, tops off, it might feel different.

But I'm more scared about tops off in case I like it.

There you go. Hey!

Prison.

(LAUGHTER) Prison!

Prisoned ya.

If we went a bit slower, then it would've been more sensual.

Because it was quite quick, it felt like, you know?

He just rough-housed me and I liked it.

'So Rob and I had not only survived Leon's crash course,

amazingly, we both found something we could do, too.'

You're going to sleep, baby.

'And now, Leon wanted us to take it to the next level.'

I'm gonna set you guys a challenge. Vegas, International Fight Week.

One of the biggest weeks in UFC for the year. So let's go.

'Every year, Sin City hosts International Fight Week.

A week long celebration of all things UFC,

ending in a sold-out championship fight.

And this year, it would also see Rom and I going head-to-head

in a striking and grappling challenge,

high above the Las Vegas strip.'

Thanks. Thank you so much.

Loved it. Cheers, mate. You're welcome, boys.

Thank you so much, cheers. Yeah, we won't let you down.

Yeah, we'll lower your expectations. That'll help.Cheers, guys.

'Romesh and I are on a journey

exploring the incredible world of UFC.'

Oh!

'We'd trained with former world champ Leon Edwards...'

(CHOKES) (LAUGHTER)

'..and he had set us up with an epic UFC showdown.'

I'm sending you to Vegas, International Fight Week.

Gonna set you guys a challenge. So let's go.

'So we were on our way to International Fight Week in Vegas.

But with Rom still in need of some encouragement

on his path into UFC, I'd arranged a surprise detour.'

What we doing in LA? Right, so, Rom?

Yes.I've had an idea to make you fall in love with UFC.

OK. I want to get to the point

where we go and watch it together as mates, and that's our thing.OK.

You know, Ant and Dec do golf, we do UFC.Right.

So I've rung me mate, pal of mine.

He lives in LA. We're picking him up.

We're gonna drive Route 66 - bucket list stuff.

Yeah? Yeah.On the journey with us,

I've got ex-UFC world champion Mike Bisping.

Oh, what?The whole...? Yep, we're driving him to Vegas.

In the truck. In that truck?Yep.

Three seats across. It's gonna be tight, not gonna lie.

How much do you like Michael Bisping?Love Michael Bisping.

I'd actually call him a friend. OK. And what would he call you?

That bloke I met once.Yeah, this twat that I can't block his number?

Can I ask a couple of questions about the logic of it?Yep.

Like, for example, if you said to me, Rom...Yep.

..could you get me into hip-hop? Yep.I wouldn't say to you,

"I've got some good news, in a slightly too small vehicle,

Kendrick Lamar's gonna drive us for six hours."

It's intimate, yeah?

If you get someone on a sofa for like a... you know, a talk show.

Yeah, they're relaxed.

No, it's all a bit... They're chilled.

This is like, just three fucking lads in a van.

You're gonna love it. Even as you started to talk to me,

I can tell you're getting aroused.

D'you know what, I'm thriving right now.Yeah, so he's quite a high...

I'm on a road trip with one of my best mates, and um... and you.

Good. That's really good.

(CROWD ROARS)

'My mate Mike Bisping is a proper UFC legend.

Not only is he a former champion,

he was so good, they put him in the Hall of Fame.'

(CROWD ROARS)

'He's now one of the UFC's top commentators,

and since he was heading to International Fight Week, too,

I jumped at the chance to have him join us on our journey.'

How's it going? You good? Yeah, good thank you.

Thanks for doing this, we're excited. Pleasure. Ever done the drive?

BOTH: Never done it. It's beautiful.

Brilliant, alright, yeah. Feels a bit awkward, doesn't it?

Feels like the start of a stag do, friends from different groups.

(LAUGHS) Come on. Does feel a bit awkward, don't it?

Right, let's go. Come on. Yeah, alright.

I'm not enamoured with the plan, put it that way.

I don't understand why for six hours,

we have to be three abreast driving across the desert.

It sounds like... an anxiety dream.

Jeez Louise! It's not exactly roomy, is it?

Rob's so excited about this. He doesn't need Viagra.

Just put him in a vehicle with Michael Bisping.

That's quite a powerful stance there.

I used to be champion of the world, you know? Now look at t'state of me.

Truth of it is, it's gonna be quite hot in the vehicle.

Thankfully for Rob, he's gonna remain cool

by staying inside Michael Bisping's anal cavity.

# The mountain is high...

'So we hit the road on our 300-mile journey

to International Fight Week in Vegas.'

This is cosy, innit? It is very cosy.

I mean, I don't know who designed the seating plan, but...

I don't think there was... Well, it's Rob. This is Rob's trip.

You need to be in the middle cos... You wanted to be next to him.

How thirsty is Rob, generally, with your friendship?

He's a massive fan of yours. He proper does my head in,

messaging all the time. We're not mates.

I met him a couple of times. He's like, "Mike! See you later!"

(LAUGHTER)

# All over the country I'm seeing the same... #

So what you know about UFC, Rom?

Well, this is the thing, right?

Rob's been obsessed with it for a long time,

and when he starts talking about it,

you can see the blood goes to his cheeks... and everywhere.

The thing is, is that, whenever anybody goes,

"look at these clips from UFC", it looks...Brutal.

So brutal, right?

And what they're into is watching someone

just get the absolute shit kicked out of 'em.

Which I know it is what it is. Well, look, listen.

You can't ignore the fact that it is a brutal sport.

Yeah. But when you see the strategy,

when you see the person breaking him down,

starting to set traps, the opponent falling into the trap,

this is a cliched expression but it's true.

It's human chess. It's physical human chess.

So when people have the attitude that it's just like, it's violence.

Do you slightly resent that? Well, listen.

I'm not trying to play it down and say,

"Oh, we're all just tickling each other."

Mate, you're gonna see some ridiculous knockouts.

You're gonna see some wild shit, me grabbing someone's head,

splattering their nose open. I'll show you something here, Rom, look.

I've only got one eye. Oh, Jesus.

(LAUGHS) You know what I mean?

So, I got kicked in the head. It's alright, mate.

Don't worry about it. You'll get to know me.

(FUMBLES WORDS) You didn't lead up to it at all!

Listen, it's gonna be a long drive, mate. You're gonna learn a lot.

The eye? Yeah.

Did you fight with that?I became champion of the world with one eye.

How the hell did you do that? Cos I'm really good.(LAUGHTER)

# Get your kicks on Route 66... #

'And as the miles racked up

and the Californian desert passed us by,

it seemed Michael had an endless supply of anecdotes

to keep us going.'

I was fighting a guy called Chael Sonnen.

Yeah.He took me down, I was trying to get back to my feet.

Bang, he hits me with a proper good shot.

And I swear to God, this is not a joke.Yeah.

Momentarily, I was transported.

I was in the middle of a field, on a bike, right?(LAUGHTER)

Riding through a field on a bike

with all these golden flowers everywhere.

Right? Then all of a sudden, I come back to, I'm like,

I'm in the fucking octagon, dush dush. Taking shots in the face.

I'm like, "Shit! Put me back in that field!" And he's a legend.

But even then, you were thinking, "I can turn this round", or..?

Yeah, course, yeah. Yeah, but you would never tap?

I have never tapped. But I'm not saying I would never tap.

I mean you know, I might tap out of this car situation in a minute!

(MUSIC ENDS)

'The journey was starting to take its toll.'

We all comfy still?

My arse is killing me, because you two have comfy seats.

'So we decided to pull over for a break.'

There we go. You hungry?

Starving, man. Well, let's eat quickly

cos I wanna get back in the car as soon as possible.

I think we're about halfway, maybe not quite halfway.

I would happily, going forward in all of the series,

just have Bispy in the car all the time.

I'd want a bigger vehicle.

But essentially, it's like a Rob Beckett sedative. He shuts up.

He's not half as cocky when there's an actual alpha male in the car.

'Mike and Rom seemed to be getting on well.

So after some lunch, it seemed the perfect opportunity

to have Mike show him some fight highlights.'

Ooh! Boom. Swinging down.

Oh! There you go, check this out.

Bosh. Get ready. Boom. See you later, mate.(LAUGHS)

Here's what happened. He kicked me in the head, and I went blind.

(LAUGHTER)

That one kind of bit me in the arse. Yeah, yeah.You know what I mean?

'My mission to get Rom into UFC seemed to be working.

But before we hit the road with Mike,

I wanted to pick his brains on our challenge.'

So we've done a bit of training.

Leon set us up a striking challenge and then a grappling challenge.

But obviously, if it's 1-1, we need a sort of tie break.

I dunno, anything you could think of?

We were told there's shrimping, is that a thing that people do?

I mean, shrimping's... a thing that you do to kind of warm up the body.

What it is, is a positional move on the ground

that's vital to escape in certain positions.

Yes.But you do it just to kind of warm up.

It's one of many, many drills like that.Right, OK.

It's not gonna be something that ya...

Would compete in in the gym. You don't go, I'm the best shrimper.

(LAUGHTER)

'Still no clearer on how to settle our challenge...

..we continued our journey to Vegas.

And it's safe to say,

I was feeling apprehensive about stepping into the ring with Rob.'

So we did a bit of striking with Leon.

And Rob, you know, he can do it.

When I started striking, people laughed.

OK. Right? So...

No, I'm sure they didn't laugh, but I understand what you're saying.

Well, they did. Rob did. The production team did.

But when I did it, the gym stopped and everyone went, "Fuck!"

Yeah, they went, "Wow!"

I just don't have... you know, like...

First of all I wasn't striking hard, my kicks were terrible.

Mate, listen, when I was a kid... Yeah.

..I was shit at every single sport. Right.

I was not an athlete. The skill side of stuff

comes from hard work, dedication and repetition.

Right. It's like anything in life.

You know, when you fail, that's an opportunity to get better.

I had a few losses along the way.

I was 37 when I finally became champ.

Yeah. If I can do it, Rom, come on, bro.

Great pep talk. Rom, you up for it? Yeah, this is amazing...

You're gonna fuck me up now after that.Mate, mate listen.

I'll set him on ya.

'I was feeling slightly better about taking on Rob,

but after four hours on the road,

we all had a more immediate challenge to deal with.

Enduring this never-ending journey to Vegas.'

# I've been through the desert on a horse with no name... #

So, Rob, what do you think about this idea of yours for us to travel like this?

(SIGHS) I really liked the first hour.

Yeah, that was fun, weren't it? Feels like a long time ago now.

It's very intimate. Yeah.Yeah.

I think it's one of the problems, isn't it?

Mike, as a result of this journey, do you feel like you like Rob more

or less than you did at the beginning of the day?

We started off, enthusiasm was high. Yeah.

It's waned. Yeah.

I think it's a two-way street, the waning. It's hard.

So you admit it's a shit idea, Rob, yeah?

No, but Mike needed to get there.

You wanted to ask some questions. It's served a purpose.

Like, we'll look back on this and think, "What a..."

"..shit day." Yeah, what a shit day.

(LAUGHTER)

'So after a long 300 miles on the road...'

There we go, Vegas sign. Vegas, baby.

'..we arrived in Las Vegas just in time for International Fight Week.'

Oh, look! UFC. Here we go.

("DON'T YOU FORGET ABOUT ME" BY SIMPLE MINDS IN CAR)

Oh, she's having a good one.

Go on, girl. (HONKS HORN)

(LAUGHS) Oh, my God.

Yeah! # Don't you...

(HONKS HORN) # ..forget about me!

Yeah! Come on!

# Don't, don't, don't, don't!

(LAUGHTER)

Yeah, go on, girl!

Just awkwardly.It's a belter though, isn't it? It's a good tune.

Great tune. I think we should've done that later on in the light, Mike.

You... That's an absolute fucking stitch up.

(LAUGHS) The longest lights of my life!

She's on your side!

(LAUGHS) Please go green.

You started this. Yeah, let's go!

Turn it up - let's go!

One, two, three, go!

# La, la, la, la

# La, la, la, la... #

'It had been an unforgettable journey.'

We've made it.It's a shame it's come to an end, really.

Think you've converted Rom.

'And thankfully, we could finally get out of this car.'

Cheers. See you later. Pleasure, Rob. Rom, all the best.

'We'd got Mike to Vegas in one piece,

and we were ready to take on International Fight Week.

And most importantly, Rom was one step closer to becoming a UFC fan.'

'We're in Vegas for UFC's International Fight Week.'

Here we go, Vegas sign.

'Our big challenge is just a day away,

where we'll be going head-to-head in our own UFC showdown,

right on the Vegas strip.

For some last minute prep, our mentor, Leon Edwards,

had set up a final training session.

But before that,

I wanted to make the most of being at the UFC's biggest event of the year.'

We are at UFCX.

This is where all the UFC guys go.

Rom didn't fancy it, which is fair enough.

I did ruin him in that car yesterday.

It's gonna be well bro in there.

It is gonna be Americans, backwards cap, "Let's go! Huh!"

'For two days, everything and anything UFC

fills the Las Vegas Convention Center.'

Massive, innit?

'From weighing in like the pros to meeting the legends themselves.'

Sean Strickland.

Chuck Liddell in there.

'Including some familiar faces.'

Oh, Leon. Yes, Leon!

Headshot, dead. It's ram-packed in there.

You could do your own walk on, you can get your hands wrapped.

Shopping, the merch opportunities.

Just... Yeah I like him!

Where you gonna put that? I'd prop it on the sofa.

The other school parents come round...

"Oh, that's an interesting cushion."

Yeah, I just really like that guy.

'With so much going on, I figured the best use of my time

was to find something that could give me an edge in our final challenge.

And I found just the thing.'

Queuing up to do my reactions.

It's quite pathetic though, really, innit.

Queuing up to see how fast I am at reacting.

'The reaction game even came with its own leaderboard.

And to get into the top ten, you had to beat 25 hits in just 20 seconds.'

Feeling quite stressed now. Pressure's on.

(EPIC MUSIC)

Right. Whenever you're ready, you get...

OK.

'My reactions were on point...

..and my hands had never moved so fast.

I was starting to feel like a UFC champion.

(MUSIC ENDS)

Is that done?

Let's go!

(GRUNTS) 27?

Forget striking.

That's a neanderthal's approach to this game.

I'm a mixed martial artist and the key to this is reactions, yeah?

It's not about hitting. It's about not getting hit.

(WHISTLES) Tsch, tsch, tsch. 27.

The guy was like, "That is the greatest reactions I've ever seen."

And I was like, "Sure."

'It had been a successful morning.'

Thank you. Thank you.

'But I had just found something to make it even better.'

Very happy with this.

# JUELZ SANTANA: The Champ Is Here

"Do you like UFC?" Like, "What do you think?"

Good for sunshade as well.

Playing golf, stick it back,

keep the neck and back out the sun.

'I was loving my new purchase but it was pretty hard not to stand out.

Especially with UFC TV cameras everywhere.

TJ: Alright we are live, UFCX Ballpark, International Fight Week.

What about you, Chase, you ever wanna do any acting?

I mean, yeah any way to make money

that doesn't involve being punched in the face

is a good avenue, you know.

And not a traditional nine to five, so I mean,

I don't really know how talented I'd be in the acting department.

Was it worth it? Was getting up early

and coming to a convention centre on the edge of town?

Yeah, I think it was worth it, mate.

(MUSIC ENDS)

'A few hours later, Rom and I were back together

and heading to Lake Las Vegas,

where Leon had set up some final UFC training

to get us supple for our challenge tomorrow night.'

So how was UFCX? Good. Saw a few fighters.Yeah.

But a highlight was the air con. Right.

It's 48 degrees, Romesh. Yeah.

Today.Well, I don't know how it's safe for us to be outside.

Nobody else is out here, it's like 28 Days Later.

So what is it actually we're doing? So, right.

Let me... Look, this is good news for you.

OK. It's animal flow.

It's a UFC training technique that is non-violent.

Conor McGregor's done it. Jiri Prochazka.

It's the way you sort of move and operate.

You find your inner beast, yeah?That looks like you dancing to Shaggy.

Yeah. It's spiritual, it's sexy. So sort of like, a bit like yoga?

Yeah.Are we about to do sort of animal yoga?

Animal yoga and we're not gonna do any punching today,

or fighting or any violence. OK. Alright.

So we're gonna go inside and pretend to be animals?Yeah.

Alright.That's UFC, baby. But yeah, even now, I'm like...

When you do that, I feel two things. One, disgust.

And two, sympathy for Lou. Yeah. She feels that a lot.

Does she cry a lot when you make love?

Uh... I can't remember.

(LAUGHS)

'Training us was movement specialist Eero Westerberg,

who's coached UFC legends like International Fight Week headliner

Jiri Prochazka in the art of animal flow.

This movement-based exercise builds speed, strength and power.

Perfect for getting us ready for tomorrow's UFC challenge.'

Oh, he's on his hands like a monkey. So what happens?

You do that in front of a fighter and they just go,

"He's fucking mental. I'm not fighting him."

(APPLAUSE) That was very impressive. Thank you.

Rob. Nice to meet you. Eero.Nice to meet you, Eero.

Rom. How's it going? That was unbelievable.

So smooth.Oh, thank you. Are you being different animals?

Different animals like a bear, cat, lizard.

Right. Are you up for that, Rom?

Uh, yeah. I mean, I don't, I don't think I can do any of that,

but I'm happy to give it a go. Alright. Let's get started.

OK, let's go. Welcome to the dojo.Thank you.

'I still wasn't 100% sold on our first go at animal flow,

and Eero's methods were definitely out there.'

First thing, just stand where you are.

Don't try to be in any posture.

And I will observe you.

So first things.

(SILENCE)

Feels like we're at a human auction.

Hands on the side.

Tell you what, if I was Sri Lankan as well,

this would be very problematic. Yep.

Lot number one.

Come from good stock. Yeah.

I'm gonna tell you this now,

it was a completely silent full-body examination.

I've gotta say, one of the most anxiety-inducing things I've done.

For someone that you've just met to go,

"I'm just gonna stare at you and check out your body for a while."

Not giving any feedback as he goes.

Is he still here?

And then sort of getting underneath the chassis

to have a look at everything about it. Horrible.

D'you like what you see? Yeah, somewhat. (LAUGHS)

Somewhat. You have a decent structure.

Posture is alright. You have like actual bear feet.

Yeah. It's like actual hands?

That is like, you know, from the jungles.

Yes, like from the jungle. Like, not fully evolved.

'Now that we'd been analysed,

and Rob had proven he was already part beast,

it was time to take on our first animal move.

First we have this Bigfoot walk.

We're gonna start with a squat here and then I'm gonna take steps.

And arms, are we... And yeah, expression, like you know,

kind of like actual Bigfoot, you know.

Yeah, like they do in the wild. Yeah.

Like they do on the Attenborough stuff. Right.

There we go.

# AITCH & AJ TRACEY: Rain

Yes, like this way.

'It wasn't completely clear how walking like a Bigfoot

would help us with our challenge tomorrow.'

Feels a bit like I'm the only one who's not done drugs at a party.

'But there was method to Eero's madness.'

So this is fundamental because if you're fighting, for example,

you're not, like, stiff like this way,

you usually are a little bit with your legs bent.

And when you have this endurance you can stay low,

and not get super tired, right? Boom.

So is it like that?

Yes, yes, yes. Stay low, stay low, stay low.

Well, Eero asked us to do the Bigfoot thing,

and I would say Rob looked quite, um, monkey-ish.

And that is something that I can say in a piece to camera

that he can't say about me.

Not bad. Hard isn't it?

Romesh's turn, upright.

Fuck off. (LAUGHS)

I don't know how to say this about Romesh

but he's got a very interesting... frame.

His body's sort of almost like thrown together, isn't it?

He's sort of, like, nothing... His arms are really long,

and then he's got no bum, and you know, like,

when you don't take your PE kit to school and have to go lost and found?

It's almost like he's done that with his body.

Can I ask you something genuinely? Just anatomy-wise.

Have you ever seen an under-developed arse like this?

It's almost nothing there.

Do you see what I mean? It's just like...

It's like a raisin, you know.

Is it genetics? Can I do anything about it?

You can do a lot, you can do a ton.

You can do the movement I showed, you, the basic glute bridges.

You know all the women when they're at the gym and they just like...

Yeah, I love that. This way.You love that?

Leesa does it sometimes, we maintain completely unbroken eye contact.OK.

Do you want me to show you? OK.

Yeah, hold on... Oh, you're gonna do the...

Yeah. OK. Just complete eye contact, yeah, ready?

# CENTRAL CEE: Doja (Instrumental)

And, and you like that, yeah?

Hold the up position a little bit.

Line them up. Contract harder.

Hold it. Yeah.

Rob, just genuinely feel there.

Look at... It's mad, isn't it?

Can I get an arse if I do that? Yes.

Just have another, quick. No I don't like it down there.

I think this is a big moment for Rom because you know,

it's well documented that he, you know, medically has no arse.

Now it feels like, through Eero, there's a route back for him.

There's a route to back, baby got back.

If he does these exercise routines,

this guy's gonna have an absolute dump truck by the next series...

(MUSIC ENDS) ..to the point where,

we might have to do a whole episode of Rob and Romesh Vs

buying jeans for Romesh's massive new arse.

Stay low, let it burn.

'So with our upcoming challenge

and my soon-to-be-improved arse on the line...'(SIGHS)

'..Eero stepped up our workout with some more advanced moves.

Next we're gonna do the crab walk. Oh nice.

And backwards. You're a natural.

Wrists really hurt.

Next we have the bear walk. Cor, it's fucking hard, innit?

Obviously, you can be cynical when somebody says,

"Step one, pretend to be a bear, step two, pretend to be a crab,

step three, Bigfoot going on tip toes."

How are you still doing it, Rom? It hurts so much.

I mean, all of that sounds fucking batshit,

which I imagine is one of his moves. But actually, it was pretty amazing.

Like, my legs feel really sore,

I felt like I was working bits I'd never worked before.

'I was starting to buy into Eero's methods,

until he tortured us with a crab race.'

Set, go.

Oh, OK, you going in reverse, good.

You're even, now last, last.

You prick. Come on, which one's gonna win?

(GIGGLES)

I don't know, that was...

Are you... That was too even.

We are even aren't we, that was even.Another round?

Er, no, Rob can win. (LAUGHTER)

Yeah, well done mate. Cheers thanks, yes.

(BIRDSONG)

How did you find that, then? Really hard.

Yeah, incredibly hard. My body really aches.

Like, I would go as far as to say that sitting down here was tough.

Do you feel like UFC isn't as violent as you once thought it was?

Yeah, I mean, you took me to a hall,

and we pretended to be Bigfoot for a bit.Yeah.

And it doesn't mean I think UFC's less violent.No.

What I would say though is I erm...

I do think the number of things that you have to master,

the striking, wrestling, grappling,

you've also got to be able to pretend to be a crab now and again.

Yep. That's admirable.

I do appreciate the fact they are mastering, like, a number of different skills,

but I still, deep down, just love it the most

when they beat the shit out of each other.Yeah.

I don't know why I like that. I do.

Is it something to do with childhood? Yeah. Trauma.

Not getting enough love growing up.

So I wanna see other people in pain.

Yeah. And it's sort of the only way you can really feel anything.

I think I got enough love growing up.

Yeah? Yeah.

It's weird though, that I've completely chased a whole career

which is love me, love me, watch me, watch me, listen, laugh, laugh.

Need more followers, more people, come in, bigger rooms.

Watch me. Yeah.

Luckily, I've avoided that path. (LAUGHS)

# YOUNGS TEFLON & TINY BOOST: Sharks 2

'We're in Las Vegas taking on the UFC.

I've been trying to get Rom excited about the sport

by training like the pros.' Go on, Rom!

DAVE: That was natural instinct, that was good.Yeah?

'And even meeting Hall of Famer Mike Bisping.'

Listen, it's gonna be a long drive mate, you're gonna learn a lot.

'But now, it was time to go toe to toe

and face another challenge we'd been set

by MMA fighter Leon Edwards.'

Send you to Vegas, International Fight Week, set you a challenge.

Good luck. Thanks.Thank you so much.

Loved it. Cheers mate. Thanks, man.

'We were about to put our training to the test on the Vegas strip.

And Leon had found an epic spot for us to go head-to-head.'

Oh, what's this?

Fucking hell. That's an octagon isn't it?

Er, yes, it is an octagon. I'm learning.

I was distracted by the Eiffel Tower. Oh, it's alright.And the Bellagio.

'We were meeting Leon's man on the ground,

UFC referee Mark Smith, who'd be judging us.

Welcome to sunny Las Vegas.

Thank you. Fight capital of the world.

This is mental. Yeah.

So we're under the Eiffel Tower, opposite the Bellagio.Yes.

We're gonna take you guys to a series of challenges to see

who's ready to be a mixed martial arts fighter.

OK.OK. That sound good to you guys?

Yeah.Yeah. So what I want you to do is,

let's go get changed up and come back.

OK, cool. Thanks, Mark. Sounds good.

We'll see you guys in a few. Thanks so much. Alright, see ya.

I don't know what Mark's been told.

We've not been working hard at becoming MMA fighters!

We had a 20-minute session with Leon Edwards

cos he was off to do something else.

I've spent more time pretending to be a bear

than I have doing MMA fighting.

'Mark was judging two challenges, striking and grappling.

Both things we'd already tackled during our basic training

back in Birmingham with Leon.'

Striking, I think I'm gonna do him, I'm better at striking than him.

However, grappling, he's got a big old back.

He has got long arms, he's got arms like a condor,

he will wrap them round you and choke you dry.

In the very unlikely scenario that I beat Rob at this challenge,

I'd love it, I would love it.

To be... I would LOVE to beat him.

'A win was a long shot so I was just aiming

not to make a mug of myself in front of Mark and his double hard team.'

So for our first challenge today, striking,

we're gonna do a power-punch-kick combination.

And then once we look at who has the best power, speed etcetera,

I'm gonna determine a winner.

Good luck to the best. Cheers, thank you.

We're both winners. Is that what we have to do?

That's my thing, you guys are welcome to it.Sorry, ripped it off.

We'll do that. Oh, right. Knuckies.

Knuckies. OK, cool.

'I was already regretting saying knuckies

in front of the hard nuts,

but there was no taking it back.

To judge the speed and power of our punch and kick combinations,

we were being fitted with sensors.'

Perfect.

'A pro fighter at Leon's weight

strikes at an average of six to eight hundred pounds of force.

We'd be lucky to get half of that.'

It's like a gun.

'We were sensored up and ready to go to work on some strike pads.

It was show time in Vegas.'

# Bang...

(FIREWORKS ROAR)

Ready to go?Yep. Alright, let's go, fight's on.

# Who in here tryna start a riot...

'The training was paying off

and I was striking with all the power of a real-life Bigfoot.'

# Who in here tryna start a riot...

'I weren't mucking about, I'd hit 487 pounds of force,

and it was a tough target for Rom to beat.'

'Unlike in Leon's gym,

I was hitting the pads alright, but there was still no power.'

That really hurt. He likes it now. (CHUCKLES)

'I'd scored 381, way below Rob's.

But I was just relieved I didn't injure my foot again.'

# Who in here tryna start it? Bang #

'Rob was one up, but with the grappling next,

I was hoping for a comeback.'

Rob, you're gonna start off on your back on the bottom.Yep.

Romesh you will start on the top. Best of luck to you.

Let's shake hands and let's go.

'Rob was going to try and escape from my hold,

and once we'd assumed the position, we were good to go.'

Alright, gentlemen, it's gonna be on my call.

Fastest to your feet.

Ready, ready, fight's on.

Cor, 'ckin' hell! (LAUGHS)

'This was a must win for me,

so Rob was getting a proper bear hug.

And it wasn't long before I had him squealing like a little piggy.'

(SQUEALS) We're at 15 seconds, let's go.

(INDISTINCT) Come on, come on, come on.

You can do it, come on. Come on, get to your feet, get to your feet.

Get to your feet, get to your feet. Let's go, Rob, let's go.

Let's go. Time.

God, that was horrible.

You are so big and strong.

'Fair play to Rom, his big condor arms had got me like a vice.

He held me down for 25 seconds,

and that was going to be a struggle to beat.'

Both fighters ready? Ready, fight's on.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Let's go. Let's go, he's almost there, let's go.

Let's go. And time. (GROANS)

'We didn't even need a timer, Beckett was cooked.'

Romesh's escape was nine seconds.

'I'd done it! But now we were tied after two rounds.

So we needed a decider.

The problem was the only other thing

we'd learnt with Leon was how to shrimp -

a weird little shuffle-y technique MMA fighters use on the ground.

So Mark had to think fast and figure out how to work with that.'

I have an idea.

Shrimp race from one side of the cage to the other,

whoever wins this, wins the gentlemanly competition.

That's a good idea. Yeah, fine.Alright, let's do it.

'Our total lack of MMA skills had us backed into a corner.

This wasn't going to be an heroic finale,

and there's no way it would get Mike Bisping's seal of approval.'

Shrimp is a thing that you do to kind of warm up the body.

You, you don't go, "I'm the best shrimper."(LAUGHTER)

'As this was our big finish,

I'd called in a favour from the big man

to sprinkle a bit of UFC stardust on it.'

# YOUNG MONEY FT DRAKE: Trophies

BISPING: 'Alright, I'm Michael Bisping,

and welcome to the fight capital of the world, Las Vegas.

I mean look at this, they've come all the way to Las Vegas

to compete in a shrimp race.

Might be the most embarrassing thing I've seen two grown men do.'

And it's, to remind us, it's... And push.

'Rob can't even remember how to shrimp!

Look at it, useless.' Alright, gentlemen,

first one to the other side's gonna win the competition.

Ready, fight's on.

(LAUGHS)

It's close, it's close.

It's close, it's close and time.

'There it is.' Romesh...

Yes! ..is our winner.

'Romesh gets the job done.

No athletic background whatsoever,

but it was still enough to beat Rob Beckett.'

After three events, our winner is Romesh!

'I'd wriggled home the win,

and this might be my greatest victory to date.

I'd beaten Beckett at his own game,

and UFC is clearly my turf now.'

Come on.

Shrimp master general's in town, you prick.

'Losing didn't feel great, but the big question was,

had I actually got Rom into UFC?

We'd gone from a gym in Birmingham...'

DAVE: Good. For God's sake.(LAUGHS)

'..to cruising down Route 66...'

I might tap out of this car situation in a minute.

'..and even messed around as Bigfoot by a lake in Vegas.'

Feels a bit like I'm the only one who's not done the drugs at a party.

'But was all that enough to win him over?'

Congratulations. Thank you.

Do you, erm, like UFC a bit more now?

If you'd said to me... Yeah.

..I was gonna enjoy the experience at the beginning,

I'd have said absolutely not, nightmare. But it was fun.

But I've retired. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was...

What's that, you've retired one and zero?Yeah.

So you've retired one victory zero defeats.

What I would continue a career in is sort of just being a Bigfoot.

(CHUCKLES) Well I'm glad that you're now into UFC.I am.

Yeah, I think... it's hard not to like it when you've done this.

But I'm glad you like it. Thanks, mate. (CHUCKLES)

Fancy, erm, going out in the strip and doing that card vomit again?

(LAUGHS) Let's go and do some magic.

# Put your pinky rings up to the moon

# Girls, what y'all trying to do?

# 24-karat magic in the air

# Head to toe, so player

# Look out, uh

# Pop-pop, it's showtime (Showtime)

# Showtime (Showtime) Guess who's back again?

# Oh, they don't know? (Tell 'em) Oh, they don't know? (Tell 'em)

# I bet they know as soon as we walk in (Sure 'nough) #

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