Original subtitles

The following programme contains strong language and adult humour.

Rom and I are in Monaco,

teaming up with the Mercedes F1 team,

to find out where we'd fit in...

I can't hear a word.

..in one of the world's fastest sports.

ROMESH: But so far, it was harder than we'd thought.

Where's Lewis?

Missed it! Was that him?

And to make matters worse, in just a few days,

I would be taking my first ever manual driving test.

Hang on, do I have to put the�

(CAR STUTTERS, STOPS)

OK.

This week, it's race weekend.

When I was younger, I used to squeeze my nipples

when I was excited. I'd go like that.

As the celebrities descend onto Monaco,

we hang out with one of F1's brightest stars.

That's my brace from when I was a kid. Bit of banter.

And Rob Beckett finally takes his manual driving test.

(JUDDERING) Right, why is this happening?

It's fifth gear. It's fifth gear, OK.

(SOFT MEDITERANEAN MUSIC)

With less than a week until Rob's driving test in the UK,

we still had some work to do to get him up to the standard

expected by Romesh Ranganathan's fast pass school.

He'd shown he was semi-competent in a manual car,

so I was gonna make my final lesson the toughest one yet.

(SINGING IN FRENCH)

Romesh Ranganathan's fast pass driving school,

you don't learn in a piece of crap, you learn in your dream car,

which is why I've sorted this out. It's a beauty, innit? Look at this.

We'll pull into this car park to do the reverse bay park.

Right. So, I've gotta park in a bay. That bay?

Reverse park in a bay. Who's he?That is Eric.

Because you had a go at me last time about me not knowing

what I was doing, I thought I'd get some extra help.

Also, we have to do it for the insurance, so...

What, is he a driving instructor?

No. Yeah, of course he's a driving instructor.

I've not just� I didn't just Google Erics in Monaco.

He doesn't look like a driving instructor.

Tell me what a driving instructor looks like.

He looks like a baddie from Grand Theft Auto Vice City.

That's exactly the sort of person you want teaching you to drive.OK.

Eric and I would be assisting Rob. Bonjour.

Bonjour, je m'appelle Romesh.

As he tried to reverse park

between two eye-wateringly expensive supercars.

A BMW worth �144,000,

and a Ferrari worth 210,000.

With Rob's dream Mercedes valued at 152 grand,

the fate of half a million pounds' worth of cars

now rested in Rob Beckett's hands.

But if he could park here, he could park anywhere.

This does feel like the most insanely high-pressured parking.

I wouldn't park between those two cars in my own car.

You drive?

Automatic.

OK! (LAUGHTER)

(PLAYFUL, UPBEAT MUSIC)

Remember about biting point? No. Right.

Whenever you're ready. OK, good.

Slow, slow, slow, slow, slow, slow, slow, slow!

Right. OK, this is good.

OK. That's good. Right, now I've gotta go backwards.

(ENGINE REVS) Fuck. Right.

I don't know how to go backwards.

Put it into reverse. Is that in reverse?

Handbrake on, handbrake on, handbrake on.

I hate this. I really� I'm so hot.

Wait 'til you find your biting point.

Is that banter 'cause of my teeth, or is that what it's called?

That is what it's called.

Wait 'til you find your goofy bucktooth point.Whoa.

Sorry. Can you feel it going?

Let the clutch up as well as the accelerator.

Feels like you're giving it quite a lot of juice there.

There you go, there you go, there you go! That's the ticket.

OK.Fucking hell! There you go, good, good, good.

OK, you've stalled it.Yeah. OK. Handbrake on.

That was a good little first go through, weren't it? Weren't it?

Respect, yeah? Yes, Eric. Right, OK. Right, what do I do again?

Key on. Yeah.

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

So, you've found your goofy tooth point.

Yeah. I think I've found it. OK.No, I haven't found it.

OK. So, arm brake's on, here it is.

OK. Arm brake?

Arm brake. Well, it's more arm than hand.

Really getting into it. OK. OK, go for it.

There you go. That's the ticket. OK, you've stalled it again.

I just need a moment.

This is so horrible. Listen.

Before you carry on, you wouldn't normally be allowed this amount

of time to reverse into the bay. But don't� Look, it doesn't matter.

Don't put pressure on me. Right, that's in reverse.

Handbrake on. Biting point.

There we go, that's the� OK, you've stalled it again.

So, handbrake back on. Put the brake on.

I don't even know what I'm doing here.

I've not even turned it on and it's going.

That's 'cause you've got the handbrake off. Rob!

Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob. It's not turning it.

What is it, 'cause it's in reverse?

No, it's 'cause you've not put� you've got no handbrake on.

What are you doing? What are you doing? OK, go.

Gas, biting point. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Why have you let go of the accelerator?I don't know.

Why do you keep taking your foot off the accelerator?

I'm so hot. I'm actually dripping with sweat.

We say more gas, you're not giving it any gas at all.

And now this has taken so� It's getting quite embarrassing now.

OK, go. Don't be scared of the accelerator,

don't be scared of the accelerator, don't be scared of the accelerator,

don't be scared of � Fucking hell.

I keep taking my foot off the accelerator.

The hotel guests seem angry as well. There's three cabs waiting.

I would be if I was them. OK. Ready?

Right. Oh, no, it's like flies round shit, British people.

They've found us. Look. They've certainly found the shit.

You're alright on this side, OK? Am I?Yeah,

so just worry about that side. For God's sake.

Got it in reverse? Gas. Go.

You've got this. (CRUNCH)

Oh!

(SPEAKS FRENCH)

This is bad.

What did you hit? The Ferrari.

I can't look at it.

I don't know what to do.

Oh, shit! (LOW, TENSE MUSIC)

Rob, take it� take it forward. Rob, take it forward?

How?

Rob, it's actually causing more damage as it stays stationary.

OK, there you go. Stop, stop, stop.

Hm. I think we should stop the driving lesson.

OK. Builders are clapping.

Don't look at that one!

That is bad.

How much do you reckon that's worth?

That's bits of the brake light there.

This is the worst thing I've ever done.

I knew that would happen. You hit it so hard!

You kept on telling me gas! Not into a car!

I feel sick. That is bad, isn't it?

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Bad? (SPEAKS FRENCH)

We've had some low moments,

but this was going to be our most expensive cock-up to date.

(TENSE MUSIC)

Stop, stop, stop, stop!

Stop, stop, stop, stop!

Stop, stop, stop, stop!

(MUSIC ENDS)

You got a pen and paper?

What you gonna do, leave a note? Yeah.

What's the note say? 'We're leaving the country'?

He's probably good for it though, ain't he?

'Pardon.' Pardon, is it?

Je suis desole. Je suis desole.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Are we just gonna leave then? Yeah.

Eric, getaway. Yeah.

While the team sorted out the insurance claim,

it was time for us to head back to the racetrack,

as we were off to meet one of Mercedes

and F1's hottest properties: George Russell.

With 11 podiums, and a victory at Sao Paulo by his early 20s,

he's already cemented himself as a future star of the sport.

We'd be joining him in a special autograph session.

Hello George. Oh!

He had a mountain of merch to sign. Speed up, speed up!

Right, OK. Alright.

Feel like I'm just working in a factory with you.

And given how things had gone when we interviewed Lewis...

I mean, Monaco.

That was random. Yeah, it was, wasn't it?

..I'd made sure this time I'd done my homework.

Did you have to do a lot of signatures when you got your

maiden victory at 2022, at Sao Paulo?

Ooh! Respect! Is that true?

A lot of signatures, a lot of signatures.

You know your stuff, you know your stuff.

When you won the European Go-Karting Championship in 2012,

was that always gonna be... Oh! Here he goes!

..was this always gonna be the dream?

Was this always part of the grand plan?

Oh, absolutely. That was part of the grand plan. Yeah, definitely.

Definitely. I think� Oh, that's got you a bit there.

You're a bit taken aback by that.

Absolutely. That's just bringing back all the memories.

What is it like� Have you� Have you� Is it�

Have you got used to being on tour the whole year, you know,

being on the road for such a long time? Is it something-

It's think it's, like� You're, sort of, in the zone,

you're, sort of, traveling, you're trying to perform on a high level.

And I have to pinch myself sometimes and think, you know,

'I'm an F1 driver, doing what I love.'

Yeah, it's amazing, at 25.

Romesh is interested in getting into Formula 1 so he'll travel less.

Right. To travel less?I do a lot of travel shows and stuff.

Oh, OK.Oh, so you're not aware of his work? OK, that's...

Why would he be? ..awkward.

I mean, all of this is a far cry from Wisbech Grammar School though,

isn't it, you know what I mean? Wis-beach Grammar School.

Close. Close. Pronunciation. Gutted!

Almost, almost.

What's that? That's my brace from when I was a kid.

Bit of banter. Do a message to Nicole.

To Nicole. What you thanking her for?

Nicole has been working for the team for 25 years.

You knew that off the bat.

You're not getting fed that in an earpiece, are you?

This guy's good.Alright, hang on, wait, let me just write�Sorry.

'Thanks for everything, all the best.'

Really good. Really heartfelt. 'All the best.' Alright.

Really personal, that one.

And this is convenient for the old suitcase going back as well.

Thank you. Yeah, alright, alright.

I don't really know how you're getting that through customs.

She's gotta get that back to London. Alright, alright.

Are you guys around all weekend, or what's�?Yeah.

What we having, where we going? We going out Sunday?You going out?

Where do you go in Monaco, after the race?

Or do you go immediately home? Ooh.

I mean, it's Monaco, you've kind of gotta have a little- little dinner,

depends how the day goes.

You're going out to celebrate or commiserate.

So, it depends on the race, really? Celebrate or commiserate.

So, you're definitely going out. You go out regardless. OK.

George, stick your number in there, mate.

Let's not just pretend this is an on-air thing.

Just put your number in there, George.

We'll sort it, we'll sort it. Oh, wow, OK.

Rob, that was so� That was so thirsty.

Was it?Can we get Rob some water? He's proper thirsty.

There was a lot to sign.

What does that mean? Oh, Lewis Hamilton and George Russell.

I didn't know if you was making it out to L&H and G&R.

We were getting through it,

and pretty much anything was getting a signature.

Even visors.

Anti-fog. Anti-fog.

Good technology, eh?

When I go swimming, it's a nightmare.

Take the visor with you. Wear that.

I'd love to see you swimming in that.

I'd like to do a few lengths in that.Robo Twat.

Then I go, 'George Russell, that.' Take it off.

But with the table looking clearer, there was one last thing

I wanted to pick George's brain about.

'Cause I can't drive a manual. Alright.

He's been teaching me.

Had a little bit of an accident, but confidence is slowly creeping up.

Yeah, alright. I've got a driving test.

A driving� Do you not have a licence then?

Only for automatic. He does for automatic.Oh, wow.

Alright. Do you feel� Think less of me now?

No, not at all. I mean, I failed my first driving test.

Did you? I did, I did.

I got zero minors, and one major. OK.

Which I thought was a bit� I think the teacher had it against me.

Yeah.She knew that I was a racing driver and wasn't happy.

What advice would you give me, just to, sort of,

remain calm in the driving test?

Compose yourself, breathe, relax. Cool.

You know, when I'm racing and it's getting a bit tense out there,

you just� going down the straights, give a little breathe.

Don't be afraid to fail.

Don't be afraid to fail your driving test.No.

We're not afraid of- Although how old are you?

About 37.

Yeah, right, I mean, you need to get on with it.Yeah.

Anyway, it's been a pleasure, I think.

Thank you very much. I appreciate it.

Cheers, George. Thanks, mate. Thank you so much.

When you're putting the list together, guestlist or whatever,

just please�Oh, yeah, yeah,

so shall I grab your number from someone else then?Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or DM on Insta? We'll sort that out, we'll sort it.

Well, we'll see you. See you when we see you.

We're going, you've still got stuff to sign.

Yeah, alright.See you later. George, don't think you can go.

Oh yeah, do you wanna do these on the way, mate?

I thought you guys were helping me. No, we're busy.

Oh, that's� You're done now? We've got stuff on.

We'll see you at the afterparty, yeah?

He knows what I'm talking about. That was awful.

Alright, see you George, love you, man.

See you, see you in a couple of nights, yeah?

Mental. Mental.

Rob and I are in Monaco, working with Mercedes.

We're really excited to be part of the team.

I hope you are not letting us down.

Our boss Toto Wolff was expecting big things,

but we weren't delivering.

I don't think we can put him in the crew, can we?No.

Away from the F1 circuit, though,

I'd got bragging rights by beating former world champion, Damon Hill.

(CHEERS) Yes, baby!

(CHEERS) Yes, baby!

Today was race day in Monaco,

and we'd be finding out our final job trial from Toto.

But first, we had to get to the race,

and we were gonna do it Monaco style.

This is it, innit? Cracked it, Rom.

I don't even care what the Formula 1's like.No.

This is so lovely that you could be driving me to watch Lewis Hamilton

shag Lou and I'd still be happy, at the end of the day.

Yeah, me too. I'd be absolutely delighted.

What do you think of my Monaco drip? Do you know what? I love it.

Thought I'd go a bit Monaco-y. You've gone Vietnam.

I think it's a cool jacket.

I'm just saying it's gonna be really hot and sunny,

you've gone for quite a dark outfit.

Yeah, I get it, that would be a problem for someone like you.

Fortunately, I don't feel any temperature changes at all.

Yeah, 'cause I can actually smell my skin cooking at the moment.

Who'd burn first out of me and you, do you reckon?

Er... I think you would burn first out here.

Have you got cream on? I've put 50 on, twice.

I've put a little bit of margarine on.

I couldn't find anything else. But I feel pretty good.

Do you know what? I feel really fuckable right now.

Yeah. I feel sexy.

Imagine if you looked how you felt. Incredible.

I'd be dangerous.

If I looked how I felt, the world's in trouble.

I feel so sexy. Unfortunately, I still look like this.

Unfortunately, this is it, but I feel great.

As long as there's no mirrors in Monaco, I'm ready to go.

We're getting a boat in to the grand prix.Yep.

We're watching the grand prix with Mercedes. Doesn't get much better.

Do you think you are, or are gonna be, an F1 convert?

Look, I never wanna change a tyre again in my life.

Me neither. Absolutely not.

But I'm quite happy to watch the Formula 1,

maybe bump into some famous people.

We could get a movie out of this.

Bump into Tom Cruise, he says, 'Oh my god, those guys have got

an incredible dynamic.' Yeah.

'Look at the way they're interacting with each other.

Guys, have you ever wanted to be in an action film

where I'm doing the action and you two are the bumbling twats

that are helping me out? I think you could be perfect.'

If Tom Cruise got you in a film,

you're immediately the IT guy in the office.

(INDIAN ACCENT) 'Well, Agent Harris,

I think if you make your way to that vent,

you might be able to solve this.

No, you've got 20 seconds. Move, move, move!'

And I'm sat next to you eating a doughnut.

'You've got eight people at your six o'clock. I can see them now.'

'It'll be alright, Tom.'

You're the explosives expert. Bit of a maverick.Yeah.

'Don't worry, just lick the sugar off my fingers,

I'll just sort the bomb out.'

'I don't know why you work with this crazy bastard.'

'I'm the best in the game, son!'

And even if we didn't land a Hollywood movie today,

it was still a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

It's amazing. I'm buzzing.

When I was younger, I used to squeeze my nipples

when I was excited. I'd go like that.

That is disgusting. From what age? It was like a sort of tic, I think.

From what age?

From when I could walk, up until about 14.

I find that horrifying.

But then once I got pubes, it stopped.

Yeah. What was that, 21, 22? Yeah.

But I'd go� like, just to get the energy out of me.

Sort of, lactating- Yeah, pump my own tits.

But I've, sort of, calmed down a bit now.

I think having kids, it tires you out.

(GRUNTS, SCREAMS)

'Cause I used to have to scream into pillows.

Did you ever do that? I'll stop talking.

Can't wait, though.Sorry, that is� That's a horrific story.

Did you not� Did you have to scream into pillows?

Did I ever scream into pillows? Yeah, I did once.

I spent six months in prison.

Have you never screamed into pillows to get rid of energy?No.

I'd have to do it every morning and every night growing up.

Is that not OK?

I don't think it's something you should've said

for the first time here. But I don't do it anymore.

That's cool. Well done. I wank a lot.

Do you ever wank while screaming into a pillow?Nah.

Nah, absolutely not. That's weird.

Anyway, Lewis Hamilton for the win. Do you� Nah, he won't win, will he?

I'm just saying, camera's on, I think he's gonna win.

I'll tell you who's probably gonna win, whoever came first

in qualifying.Yeah.

Yesterday's qualifying race had seen Red Bull's Max Verstappen

secure pole position on the grid,

with Lewis starting in fifth place, and George in eighth.

They were arriving knowing they had a lot of work to do

to make up positions on the tight street circuit of Monaco.

So, as the Mercedes team made their final preparations,

we were just soaking up the atmosphere.

I am actually feeling� Look at that.

It's just glamour everywhere, isn't it?

Oh, it's Verratti, the footballer.

I wonder if we'll see any older men with younger women.

(LOUD ENGINE WORKS)

What you looking forward to most? I guess it's just, like�

(WORKS STOPS) Oh, that's better.

(ENGINE ROARS LOUDLY) Fucking hell!

Just the, sort of, atmosphere.

I just think it's, like, three hours of this, mate.

I feel like I'm gonna come back with shell shock.

I think we've gotta scramble. We're going into combat.

(IMITATES AIR RAID SIREN) Let's go, go, go!

I touch my hair when I'm anxious.

(TORQUE GUN BLASTS)

Straight after when I said I got anxious!

This is not good for my heart! Fucking�

(TORQUE GUN BLASTS) Jesus Christ!

The Mercedes here. Good luck, guys.

Good luck, boys. Good luck, boys.

Good luck, boys.

Good luck, guys. Good luck, lads.

They were really buzzing. I think that's given 'em a bit of a lift.

Yeah, I think that's lifted 'em right up. Oh, Russell's there.

Yes, George.

You got this. See you tonight, man.

Call me, yeah?

Call me, yeah? Nice one. He waved back.

Friends of the drivers, we are.

That's given us a load of credit here on this strip.

Everyone thinks we're well cool now.

They don't know he's never gonna contact us again and probably

gonna block us on socials. I feel so alive.

What's that? George Russell is waving at� yeah, just a bit, mate.

You know G-Dubs? 'Do you know George Russell?'

He's asking me if I know George Russell.

Oh, 63. Do you know what I call him? G-Dog.

Yeah, he don't like it. Big G.

Hates it, actually. I call him Rusty, actually.

Still call him that.

The countdown for the race had started.

The cars were on the grid with A-listers out in force.

And somehow, even we were getting some attention.

You alright? Can I give you both a microphone?

Yeah, of course.Please do, yeah. Yeah, alright.

We'd been given some microphones, and now we had to look like

we knew what we were talking about on F1TV.

What's it been like? Tell me about your weekend.

How's it going, what you been doing?

Well, we've� We've come into this as, sort of, novices

to the game, haven't we?

Yep, we've been hanging out with Mercedes. Bono, my man.

Spent some time with the� Hello mate, how you doing, you alright?

We're part of the crew now.Spent some time with the Mercedes team.

They are doing that for camera. Off camera, they hate us.

Yeah, we're terrible.

We have failed at every single thing we've been asked to do, haven't we?

Yeah. We did go-karting, and Damon Hill told me,

'Just don't bother.' I was that bad.

We chatted to Lewis and he said, 'Just looking at you,

you could never be a driver,' so that was cool.

It's not been great for our self-esteem, but we just�

But it's good� it's good to put a blowtorch to it and just realise

how low you really are, do you know what I mean?

That's what this week's been great for, you know?

On the plus side, we have just met Spiderman.Yeah.

So... Yeah. So, there you go.

Good guy. I think that's our cue. (ENGINES REV)

The noises, the noises! Come on, man!

Anyway... Thank you. Thank you very much, cheers.

Thank you so much!

See you later!

Cheers. Alright.

Yes. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, Toto. How's it going?

He's good at go-karting? Yeah. We raced with Damon Hill.

I was pretty good actually, I don't mind saying.

Yeah, yeah, I would've done, but I just felt it was a bit

disrespectful, you know.

Yeah.

It was race day in Monaco.

The world was ready to watch the jewel in the F1 crown,

but we were still trying to find our place in the Mercedes team.

So far, we'd failed at everything we tried.

You missed it. Did I miss him again?

You missed another one.

Fortunately, when we'd met Lewis Hamilton,

he'd had some other job suggestions.

There's content creation. We could do marketing.

Marketing. Marketing. TikTok. Do a TikTok.

Yeah. I could do TikTok.

So, Toto Wolff had decided to play to our strengths.

We'd become content creators for the day.

Our goal was to make a video of the race for Mercedes social media.

We'd been given VIP access to the pit area,

and a 360-degree GoPro camera to film with.

Here we go. We look like YouTubers. I know.

This is, like, my worst nightmare, to be honest with you.

God. Hello. This is my twat stick. (LAUGHTER)

The race was about to start.

Mercedes had given us an amazing location to watch from,

directly above the pit stop,

so we'd get great footage of Lewis and George when they came in.

(ENGINES REV) (LIGHTS BEEP)

It's lights out, away we go, Alonso I think got a better start.

He cuts off Esteban Ocon.

Verstappen though, will get into Sainte-Devote in the lead.

The race was underway,

but because we were watching from a few kilometres down

the winding street circuit, for us, things hadn't really got going yet.

(DISTANT ENGINES)

So, Rob, how are you finding it so far?

It's very hard to know what's going on.Yeah.

A couple of minutes later, though, we got a slice of the action.

Good stuff. Wow.

We'd seen the cars, but because this was our first live race,

we were relying on the TV behind us...

What's happening? ..to stay up to date.

Ooh, pushing and going for the move there,

and there's damage to that front wing.

But apart from Carlos Sainz's collision,

there'd been no major surprises.

27 laps out of 78,

and the top ten are exactly the same.No change.

So far, we hadn't caught any close-up race action

on our camera until...

Mercedes I think are gonna bring in Lewis Hamilton.

..Hamilton was about to pit stop for the first time.

This was our chance to film something decent.

Trouble was, Rom hadn't figured out how the camera worked.

They're coming in, look. Rom, put it� aim it down.

What, like that?

I dunno. Just don't drop it.

I hadn't realised, but I'd switched off the 360-degree filming mode,

so I was filming in the wrong direction.

Well done, lads. Great work, boys. Look at 'em.

Carlos smashed it.

That's our team members right there. Absolutely smashing it.

Put that round your wrist. No, put it round your wrist.

It's stressing me out.

I hadn't managed to capture any of Lewis's pit,

but I wasn't the only one getting things wrong.

Oh, the red ones.

Ferrari? Yeah.

The red ones are coming in. Ferrari have had to call him in.

And there's a new set of tyres.

He'll be very happy to get rid of the old ones.

We were over halfway through the race

and Rom was still struggling with the camera.

A very exciting sit� Oh. Doesn't matter. It's 360.

No, but it's the other way we're supposed to be doing it, innit?

No. It's 360 anyway. I thought it was the other way.

We'd heard some big news from the Mercedes pit team.

There's rain. Reports of rain.

The forecast wasn't looking good, and if the track got wet,

the race could be turned on its head.

Very nervy times for all the drivers on the track.

And when the rain arrived,

it didn't take long for things to start going wrong.

And there's a yellow flag, and it's for Sainz!

First, Carlos Sainz spun off.

But then Russell got into some trouble too.

George Russell's got a penalty.

Oh!

George had locked up and slid off, receiving a five-second penalty

when he rejoined the race.

This is absolute carnage.

Oh, this is exciting, this is actually exciting.

This is really exciting. I'm really excited.

The rain was causing chaos.

But despite the madness, Lewis and George had taken advantage.

Carlos Sainz has lost out, after going off the track,

with both Ferraris losing out to the two Mercedes.

Hamilton fourth, Russell fifth.

The rain had made tyre selection critical,

and Lewis and George had already pitted,

to fit tyres better suited for the wet track.

The Mercedes team had made the right call, and it had paid off for them.

But nothing was paying off for us.

I'd had another camera disaster and switched it to timelapse mode.

The footage for the rest of the race was unusable,

and there was no chance of making a video for Mercedes

based on what we'd filmed.

We'd let Toto down, we'd let Lewis down,

but we'd enjoyed the race,

and even though Red Bull emerged victorious...

Max Verstappen wins the Monaco Grand Prix!

..Lewis came home in fourth, and George finished fifth.

Hamilton ahead of Russell.

Both big improvements on where they'd come in qualifying.

So, what did you think?

I didn't realise how much I love rain.Yeah.

'Cause when that rain hit, it went into,

here we go, pandemonium. Yeah.

If it rains and they have to change some tyres,

that's right up your street.

Do you know what? I'm a fair weather fan.

No, you're a bad weather fan.

Yeah, but you know what I mean. I'd love a snow one.

Mate, unbelievable. Ooh, imagine that on ice.

Yeah. Get the ice tyres out.

Do you know what I want?

I wanna sit down, have a nice bit of dinner and a glass of wine

with Damon Hill. Me too.

Unfortunately, he's not responding to any of my messages,

but let's give it a go. Sure, OK.

Our time with Mercedes was coming to an end,

so all we had left to do was meet the boss man Toto Wolff

to try and convince him we hadn't been a complete waste of space.

Toto, that was amazing. Thank you so much for letting us go-

Absolutely incredible. Thank you. Is it pit-side, above the pit?

Where do you call it, where we were? Pit top.

Pit top? No, I've never heard this word.

OK, fair enough. Thank you for your honesty.

In the pits. So, good result for Mercedes?

We started fifth and eighth, and we finished fourth and fifth,

so that is a good improvement.

I'm trying to put my finger on what may have been the difference

for this race, and I� You know, it's an argument that it's

the car and the improvements.

There's another argument that the other difference the Mercedes

team have had is� is� The other variables.

The other variable involved in this.

'Cause actually it was quite, it was quite a pit-driven�

'Cause of the rain and the tyres seemed to be a real�

And I don't know if you saw, during the grid walk we were going

around chatting to the guys and just saying �

So, what would have made the difference?Just a general, kind of�

You've gotta think, there's a new thing happening in Mercedes,

than maybe that's what's� Did we do it?Yeah.

And what was that? Well, us.Us.

Yeah. Ah.

Do you not think? Do you think there's an argument?

You've been there. Right.

Yeah, we were there, you can't� We were there.

Yeah, I think you had an emotional contribution.

That's what I mean, yeah, thank you.

So, it's good, you emotionally, basically, you supported.

That's what I do, I don't do any other job than emotionally support.

But what I was thinking was, 'cause, like, all of the jobs that

your guys have given us we've been awful at,

but what we've done is we've made our own lane.

And that is... Team spirit.

..Mercedes emotional support and team spirit.

And that's� You must not underestimate that.

The engineers will always say it isn't engineering.

You can have engineers for the car,

but do you have engineers for here and here?

You know.

That's� You know, sometimes the geeks, they lack that.

You can't measure it. No, exactly!

And also, I wanna thank you as well, not just for welcoming us,

but also my wife has agreed that I can dye my beard when I get home,

so�But what do you do about the top thing? It's also grey.

It's the bottom thing he needs to worry about.

When it starts coming in there, it's just over.It's game over.

That's the worst. You can't dye your pubes.

Then you look proper old.

You start to look like Gandalf down there.

To be fair, it's not stopping the people on the boats, is it?

And then it's also which part is longer than the other one.

Yeah, exactly. That's a big� Yeah, that's a big problem.

Creeps ahead of the top bit.

I think there's surgery. You can� they lift that.

Really? Is it? Yeah.Right.

Well, I think just a lift, a tuck, and a little bit of dye,

and I'll be ready for my wife to find me-Dye?

Yeah, down there, yeah. Dye, also black dye?

Well, I don't want it to look like an old wizard,

do you know what I mean? Yeah. No, that's not good.

(MOUTHS) Shave. Oh yeah, that's a good idea.

(LAUGHTER)

Exactly, we're just� we're bringing great energy to the team.

Yeah.This is the kind of stuff we were chatting with the lads.

We won't talk about yours, but�

Mine's horrible. It's all, sort of, blonde-y.

(GASPS) Too much information, I'm gonna think about that.

It looks like a thatched roof with a cottage.

Toto, thank you so much. It's been an absolute honour.

Yeah, it's been an honour. It was great having you,

and always come back, and hopefully we'll see you in the future.

So, we're part of the team and we're welcome back?

Maybe we won't make you touch anything in the future,

but your sheer spiritual presence is gonna make a difference.

Well, listen, we look forward to being your spiritual advisors,

so thank you so much. Namaste.

Namaste. Namaste.

Namaste. Namaste. Namaste.

See you around again. Yeah. See you around again.

(LAUGHTER) Cheers man.

A week after our adventure with Mercedes,

we'd swapped the glamor of Monaco for British residential roads.

It was the day of Rob's driving test, so we'd come to South London,

to see if he could upgrade his automatic licence to a manual one.

But as his driving instructor,

I was having to do some serious soul searching

about how ready he actually was.

I haven't really prepared him properly.

Of the three times that I've been out with him, he's crashed once,

so he's gonna fail.

I mean, I have no doubts about that, he is gonna fail.

I was gonna keep my opinion to myself though,

because at this stage, the truth wouldn't benefit anyone.

Can I say something to you, Rom? I'd love you to.

I feel underprepared.

And I don't know if it's me doubting myself

or if I haven't had enough of an education.

Well, what I would say in response to that, it's not about quantity,

it's about quality.

And what we've done is we've put you in the most difficult

circumstances possible.

In situations that would never come up.

No, because they're far more difficult than anything that

would ever come up in a test.

No, no, no, that's not forward, brake, brake, brake!

There we go. Oh, fuck my�

Loads of room, you loser. You got this.

Stop, stop, stop, stop! (CRUNCH)

Any last bits of advice?

Yeah. Remember what George Russell said.

What did he say?Compose yourself, breathe, stay calm.

I don't think he said that, I'm adding that.Yeah, OK.

Don't be afraid to fail.

But obviously be incredibly afraid to fail. I don't�

But at the moment, all I've done is crash a car

and burn the clutch out of another one.

Yeah, exactly, so we've had worse-case scenarios.Right.

It can only be better than that. Sure.

Do you know what I mean? OK.

I actually feel incredibly confident.

Right.

I� Yeah, I don't, but maybe, like you say, you know what you're

talking about, I'm just getting in my own head, aren't I?

Yeah.

Rom's pep talk hadn't helped a bit,

but with my examiner ready and waiting,

I just had to hope for the best.

Hello. Hello.

I'm Rob, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Bogdan.

Hello Bogdan. This is my friend Romesh.Hello, how you doing?

He's here for some moral support. Well, I'm the instructor, so�

Well, he's been training me, yeah. Shall we get your car?

Yeah, OK. After you, Bogdan.

Good luck, mate. You've got this.

Don't be afraid to fail, but don't fail.

Now that I've sent my first student off to his test,

this is the part where I, sort of, review some of my methods.

The two areas that we need development on

at Romesh's fast pass school is theory and practical.

But I think our demeanour's been great,

and I think we've been encouraging in the face of a complete absence

of evidence that he's gonna be alright.

OK, Robert. If you can tell me please,

how you will check the brakes before you start?

How do I check the brakes?

Push it down a bit?

Or don't do that?

What are you looking for when you press down the brakes?

When I'm still, I've never... needed 'em.

I mean, I don't know the answer.

Shall I just go home now?

Will I be marked down on that? You can have a minor.

So, I've not� I've got one minor?

A minor. How many am I allowed?

15. 15?

Oh, that's fine. Give me another question.

No? OK. Your call. Right.

If Rob gets to the point where he's passed that driving test,

I would be asking some questions about Bogdan.

Because Rob Beckett should not be allowed to drive a manual car

on public roads. He shouldn't really be allowed to do the test.

Indicate.

(CAR JUDDERS)

OK, that's happened.

OK, you're writing down again. That's not idea, is it?

And I'm off. I'm off. Follow the road.OK.

Not gonna lie, it was a bad start, but with plenty of minors

still in my back pocket, I had it all to play for.

Nice and sunny day, isn't it?

Lovely day. Lovely day to pass your test, isn't it?

Definitely. Am I going too fast?

I think you can go faster. Go faster? OK.

Not sure how I feel about that.

(CAR JUDDERS) Right, why is this happening?

It's fifth gear.

It's fifth gear. OK, and down to� not in any.

(CAR JUDDERS) Oh, what's that now?

Go back to second, maybe.

Yeah, that's it. Do you know what? I'll stick� What am I in, first?

No, no, this is third gear. Third? Perfect!

Rob is already highly strung about this whole process.

Once it starts to go tits up, I think he's gonna lose his head.

(CAR HONKING) These people have no patience.

No patience at all.

Fuck off.

Sorry.

There shouldn't be any use of foul language. No road rage.

I weren't raging. Just wanted to let him know what I thought.

Do you ever get road rage, Bogdan?

Ever just kick the door open and just fucking rip someone's

throat out, show 'em who's boss?

Nah, me neither.

Rob will be, sort of, doing a lot of, kind of, chat, small talk,

just to try and, like, get Bogdan into, sort of, feeling like

Rob Beckett's the sort of person he wants to pass the driving test.

This road's gone well. Remember, there's no feedback.

Probably go into another gear in a minute.

(CAR JUDDERS, STOPS)

OK. Let's start again, shall we?

I'm, right, in a bit of a pickle here now.

I've got no idea how to� What to do.

(CAR HONKS)

So, just accelerate a bit, do you reckon?

OK.

(LONG HONK) I don't know what to do.

I don't know how to drive. Leave the clutch to me.

Give the clutch to you? OK. Then what do I do?

Use the gas. Use the gas? OK.

There we go.

Fucking hell, Bogdan, can't we do this the other way round?

I've failed, haven't I? You had to drive.

I had to intervene.

Intervene. Good choice of words, Bogdan.

If you were assessing where Rob is gonna fail

in his manual driving test, it'd be his manual driving.

That is the area in which he is lacking.

End of the road, turn left, or take the next left.

Cool.

Oh, OK, got a bit of trouble here. Oh, kerb.

And why's that happening? No, and� OK.

(CAR JUDDERS) I don't know why that's happening.

First. I'm not in first.

Whoa.

There we go.

So, you know, manual vehicles don't have to use the brake to move off.

You don't have to use the brake? You don't.

Romesh never told me that.

I could just� Oh, that's a lot easier.

For fuck's sake, Bogdan! Why didn't Romesh tell me that?

Fucking hell!

Shit! Sorry. It's alright.

What I imagine will be happening, most likely,

is that Rob has stalled the car 11 to 20 times,

and has now somehow found a way to blame Bogdan for what's going on.

I've been braking up the whole way round, have you noticed?Yes.

Oh. But why didn't you tell me?

It's like the Magic Circle, this, no one tells anyone.

I'm here to assess your driving.

Oh, right OK. Yeah, bring the authority back into it.

I want you to pull up on the left-

You want me to pull up on the left? OK, fair enough.

I didn't think it was possible, but my driving was getting worse,

and I had a hunch Bogdan was going to put us out of our misery.

So, that's the end of the test.

I'm sorry to inform you that you have not passed.OK.

You seem to have problems with the gears.Yeah.

Selecting the appropriate gear. Yeah.

So, I think you should stick to automatic.

OK. Do you know what? I think that's a fair point.

Is there anything else that you noticed on the test?

Well... that you're quite funny, but this is not a funny business,

you know? It's not a funny business.

Maybe we could come to some sort of, just in this car,

between me and you, come to a little agreement.

Are you offering to bribe? I'm not offering anything.

You know, I'm just, sort of, saying if there was a way�

There's no way. There's no way, OK. Worth a go.

No, but just to be safe. Thanks Bogdan. Lovely to meet you.

Nice to meet you. Do you want me to drive you home?

Definitely not. OK.

Bogdan had been patient,

but I couldn't blame him for calling time on the test.

I'd racked up a long list of minor faults, and worst of all,

two majors.

One where he had to intervene, and another for mounting the kerb.

All I wanted to do now was tell Rom where to stick his fast pass school.

It was a complete disaster, I'd say.

He looked actually worried about his safety.OK.

He said actually that your instruction's to blame.

Why?There's no bad students, only bad instructors.

Oh, fuck off, Bogdan.

Apparently, I don't have to put the brake on when there's the clutch.

I never told you that you had to put the brake on

when there's the clutch. Yeah, it was bad.

It wasn't the result I'd wanted for my first ever student,

but I had a sweetener that would hopefully cheer him up.

You love Damon Hill, don't you? Love him.

Just a great guy in the prime of his life, looks great, feels great.

What a guy. Doesn't feel- I mean� No. He smells good though.

Smells good.

Well, I've got great news for you. Go on.

Every student at the Romesh fast pass school gets a special treat.

OK, I've got a treat? Show you what the treat is.

What's the treat?

It's like a tub of popcorn, and then you put your hand in it and�

It doesn't matter. I'll show you. No. Love popcorn.

# Tears For Fears - Everybody Wants to Rule the World #

Oh, unbelievable! Yes, Damon! Guys.

Good to see you again. How cool do you look?

Reunited and it feels so good. Fancy a spin?

I'm Rose, you're Jack, that's the Titanic.

Who am I in this? The bloke that's getting cheated on?

You're Billy Zane. Yeah, yeah.

# Welcome to your life

(ENGINE REVS)

(GROANS)

# Even while we sleep (TYRES SQUEAL)

# We will find you

# Acting on your best behaviour

# Turn your back on Mother Nature

# Everybody wants to rule the world...Oh, I don't like that!

It is fast, innit?

We'll see you at the afterparty, yeah?

We'll see you at the afterparty, right.

# It's my own design

# It's my own remorse

Monaco.

That was random.

# Help me make the Stop, stop, stop, stop!

# Most of freedom and of pleasure

# Nothing ever lasts forever

# Everybody wants to rule the world (GRUNTS, SCREAMS)

# There's a room where the light won't find you

It's also which part is longer than the other one, you know.

You get old and it starts to� Yeah, that's a big problem.

# When they do, I'll be right beside you

# So glad we've almost made it

Oh, that's the edge!

Well, my watch has just told me I'm in the fat burning zone.

# Everybody wants to rule the world

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

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