Original subtitles

The following programme contains strong language and adult humour.

ROB: 'The 2024 Formula 1 World Championship is just days away.

And last year, Rom and I were given unparalleled access

to the most successful team in the last decade, Mercedes.'

COMMENTATOR: "Lewis Hamilton is a seven-time champion of the world!"

ROMESH: 'We've been invited to go behind the scenes

at the prestigious Monaco Grand Prix...'

There's just glamour everywhere, ain't there?

'..in a bid to find out where we fit in in the world of Formula 1.'

I feel like a dog on bonfire night.

'We'd be meeting the boss, Toto Wolff,

working with the team in the pits...'

(HIGH-PITCHED WHIRR) It's just horrific.

'..and getting to hang out with two of the world's best drivers.'

Hello George. 'George Russell...'

Nice to see you. I don't really feel like we're interviewing anymore.

Feel like I'm just working in a factory with you.

'And the greatest ever: Lewis Hamilton.'

(ON RADIO) "That's for all the kids out there who dream the impossible."

Hi, Lewis. Rob. Nice to meet you. You good?

Hello, mate. Rom. How you doing?

(UPBEAT HIP HOP MUSIC)

'To begin our journey into the world of Formula 1...

we were en route to Monaco.'

Very, very exciting episode of Rob & Romesh this time round.

Formula 1! It's exciting, isn't it?

We have got direct access to the full Mercedes team,

including the drivers, the pit crew...

The cars. Yeah. The big dog, Wolff.

The viewers have been asking for it. Have they?

And we've finally got it. Yeah. Oh, right.

Loads of people come up to me and say,

"When you doing Formula 1? When you doing Formula 1?"

Yeah. And I said, "Give it time."

And do you know why we're doing it?

'Cause we- You know, I'll tell you why we're doing it.

Why? 'Cause we waited

'til the show was big enough to get decent access.

100% correct. If this was Series One,

we'd be running a popcorn stall by Silverstone, right?(SIGHS)

But now, we are basically Lewis Hamilton's fluffers.

Yeah.I mean, I'm exaggerating a little bit.

I've got a little rule in life.

I'd never be friends with anyone that wears a Ferrari cap,

whether they own one or not.

I must get one while we're out here. Ferrari-

(EXAGGERATED LAUGH) Oh. "I don't wanna be your mate."

Ooh, that's a laugh, innit? No. Because-

Grow up! Grow up! It's only not funny

cos you weren't quick enough to get the old BANTER!

This is how Phil and Holly started. Yeah.

If you were involved in the world of F1,

where would you see yourself? Would you be a driver?

Well, I can't drive a manual car.

You can't drive a manual? No.

I only ever passed automatic.

Do you not think you should be able to?

Why? Just in case.

I don't know, this is just off the top of my head.

You're on holiday... Yeah.

Er, you're having a nice time with Lou and the kids.

Yep. Somebody, like, busts in...

He's got a gun on you. Yep.

He says, "Listen, we've just committed a robbery."

Right. Er...

"I'm gonna kill all of you,

unless you drive us to our house.

Unfortunately, we just realised that nobody in the group of robbers

can drive a manual. Come out now."

I'd say, "Take Lou. She can drive a manual."

Well, there you go. There you go! So...

I'll just stay on the beach with the kids until she comes back.

Just wave her off. "See you later, babe."

Let me just change one bit. Lou's out at the shops.

OK. I get in the car and I go,

"Lads, I don't know how to do this. I'm gonna try my best."

How much do you know about driving a manual?Right, so...

There's an accelerator, brake, and a clutch.Yeah, I know that.

OK, go on then. Is there a choke?

They don't exist anymore, do they? Yeah.

On some really old cars. Well, let's assume

that this robbery hasn't happened in 1984.

(LAUGHS)

"This is weird, driving off in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang."

Actually, there are... I really like classic old cars.

I'd much rather have a classic car than a new car.

OK. But a lot of them are manuals.

Yeah. So, I can't have 'em.

So, how about this? 'Cause I can't drive 'em, so...

How about this? Yeah.

How about I teach you how to drive a manual, OK?

(CHUCKLES) Yeah. And then you do a driving test.

Like... (STAMMERS) Not like on camera, for bants?

An actual official driving test?

It's an official driving test on camera for bants.

Yeah, but it is- So, best of both.

Best of both worlds, but if I...

Well, when I- when I pass it... Yeah.

I'll- It'll be properly, I can get a new licence from the DVLA?

Yeah. OK.

I mean, I'm not in charge of all that.I'm up for it!

(LIVELY MUSIC)

'Monaco is arguably the most famous Grand Prix in all of racing.

For nearly 100 years,

it's been a major event in the F1 calendar,

hosting some of the sport's most famous drivers,

and drawing some of the world's biggest stars.

Since the race began,

Mercedes have been one of the most successful teams here.

We'd be joining them for the next few days,

to see if we had what it takes to work in Formula 1.

Our first stop was to meet the mastermind

behind the past decade of Mercedes success.'

How you doing? Romesh.

Given the proper... Rob. Nice to see you.

'..Team Principal, Toto Wolff.'

We're sort of part of the team,

and you're technically our boss now, so we wanna impress you.

Please do. I mean, that's why you need to deliver, er, good work.

Yeah. You know, to prepare for today,

erm, I watched some of your videos.

And, er, you don't have grey hair in these videos.

I don't have grey hair?

You dyed it, erm, when you do some of the filming?

No, this is just- This is a lovely bit of an attack.

No, this is just, erm... I'm enjoying this.

'Cause it does change. 'Cause I work with him a lot.

And sometimes he's really grey, sometimes, jet black.

Is this part of the interview? I didn't-

Yeah, I just- I just admired... So, what do you think of this, now?

Makes you look more mature than on the YouTube videos.

OK. Yeah.

Some blonds, you can't really see if it goes grey.

You can't see, no. You go white. It'll go white, yeah,

but when I'm a bit older. This is the problem, isn't it?

'Cause we still straddle, sort of, a bit of youth TV.

Yeah.Well, he's quite old now, he's nearly 50.

And 'cause he's getting grey, it, sort of, does...

It's harder for us to be sold, like,

as a young, youth, sort of, double act, which is problematic.

How do you feel about that?

Because I- I'm 51 now, and it feels awful.

Yeah, it does feel awful, yeah. Sometimes you, sort of, go home,

and you look at the situation you find yourself in,

and you think, "There've been mistakes here."

But I can't even look forward now and think, "How do I change this?"

I just have to accept what I've got now,

and just ride out the last section, do you know what I mean?

(LAUGHTER)Do you feel- Genuinely, do you feel pressure?

I mean, obviously, this is an amazing thing to be at Monaco.

But are you just totally focussed on...

Like, how much do the results affect you?

So, I think I'm in my comfort zone when it's difficult.Yeah.

I, er... For me, it is more dangerous

having a bore-out than a burnout.

Right. Right.

Nevertheless, if you asked me today whether I want the eight years back

where we've won every championship, I'd rather have that back.

(LAUGHTER) Er...

So, it's really good to have you this weekend with us.

I hope you're not letting us down... Yeah.

..and, uh, do a proper job. You got it.

And we'll be assessing afterwards. OK, cool.

We're really excited to be part of the team.

Not gonna let you down. We're on it.

Thank you so much. Thank you.

(EXCITING ROCK MUSIC)

'Toto had lined up a list of jobs for us to try out.

But first, he wanted to give us a flavour of the action.

We'd arrived on Day One of the three-day race schedule,

and the drivers were putting their cars to the test

on the first practice session of the weekend.

And with us being F1 novices,

being so close to the track was intense.'

The noise... Imagine

just getting out your car on the M25 and walking down the middle lane.

That's what it was.

I'd always thought it... (ENGINE ROARS)

I'd always... (ENGINE ROARS)

I'd always thought it was... (ENGINE ROARS)

I can't hear a word.

When we first walked out to watch the F1,

erm, "It's an incredible position,

it's an amazing place to be,"

is what I thought for the first 45 seconds.

And then, I realised that I couldn't hear

anything that was being said to me by Rob.

And then I thought, "Holy shit. This is amazing."

F1 is where you take Rob Beckett.

I quite like if- (ENGINE ROARS)

Huh? The good thing I like is-

Huh? (ENGINE ROARS)

I didn't hear any of that. You can't talk while you watch it.

Eh? What?

You can't- (ENGINES ROAR)

You can't talk while you're watching.

It's a good place to come if you're going through a divorce.Yeah.

'But the noise wasn't the only surprise for Rob.'

I know it sounds silly, but I didn't realise how fast they went.

It felt like a spaceship.

I feel like I'm more in Star Wars than Monaco.

It's all weird here. There's all people in different colour outfits.

Everyone's got their own little uniform on.

Some people have helmets on and go fast.

I feel like a little ewok.

A little, cute, hairy ewok wandering around.

And then all these, like, people just zooming about.

'If watching practice had overwhelmed us this much,

it felt pretty unlikely that we'd cope with the proper F1 job.'

The other thing about it is that this is actually a really,

arguably, one of the most crucial times in the Mercedes team's season,

which does beg the question,

why have they allowed me and Rob Beckett to be here?

It wouldn't surprise me if they go, Daily Mail headline,

"Turns out the engineering was right,

Lewis and George were on fire.

We believe that the big mistake they made

was let two twats be involved in the team this week."

And it's, "Rob and Romesh end Mercedes at Monaco."

That'd be the headline.

ROMESH: 'Rob and I are taking on the world of Formula 1.'

Hi guys. Hi guys, yeah.

'And where better to do that than Monaco?'

(ENGINE ROARS)

'We were on a mission to find out if there was anything we could do

in one of the world's most exciting sports.

So, first up, we were meeting chief mechanic, Matt Deane,

the man in charge of the pitstops.'

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Ah. How we doing? Oh, hello.

Rob. Lovely to meet you. I'm Matt.

Hello. Rom. Nice to meet you.

How are you? Very good, thank you.

I've heard that you boys wanna get involved.We do wanna get involved,

as long as it doesn't breach any kind of safety regulations

or involve any kind of physical skill or ability, or anything.

'Unfortunately for us, an F1 pitstop requires a lot of skill and ability.

An intricately choreographed crew of 22 people

have to lift the car, remove all four wheels,

replace them with four more,

and drop the car ready to go,

all in under three seconds.'

What skills are you looking for in the pit crew?

Well, you've gotta be super fit,

go to the gym at least three times a week.

Yeah. Yeah.

We need to be physically fit... Unflappable.

So especially if you're on a gun, if you're on a wheel gun,

well, any position on the pit crew, to be honest with you.

It's the same as picking someone for a penalty shootout.

Right. You're not gonna pick somebody that,

you know... ..is gonna flap.

..sheds razor blades when they step up to do it.

You know what I mean? OK. Fitness and composure?

Yep.

Fitness, I'm OK. I can play five-a-side.

However, composure, got it in spades.

You need a cool head, you call Bobby B.

'Our first job with the pit crew would be on the rear jack.

An F1 car and driver weigh just under 800 kilos,

which means lifting one is a daunting task.

So, as we hit the pit lane,

Rob was feeling a little less confident.'

(HIGH-PITCHED WHIRRING)

This is... It's a real, erm, Marmite place.

(HEARTBEAT ECHOES FAINTLY) (WHIRRING CONTINUES)

(ECHOES) Can someone look after my glasses?

(ECHOING) Rob? Rob?

(ECHO STOPS) Rob? Yes?

Carl. Rob. Nice to meet you, mate.

So, Carl will go through rear jack with you.

Right, OK. OK?

Literally, you want the foam to hit the ridge.

You need to be all the way in there. Yeah.

That's it. And then down, right? Yeah.

And it'll just drop automatically. Right, OK.

Don't take the weight unless you know that you're gonna get it...

(ECHOES) Because if you can't take the weight of the car,

the wheels will be gone, and you won't have a chance

to put it back it back down and lift it again.Right, OK.

(HEARTBEAT & HIGH-PITCHED WHIRRING DROWN OUT SPEECH)

(ECHO STOPS) Right, OK, let's give that a go then.Yeah.

Right. Let's, erm, switch this car back, please.

Happy?

(TENSE MUSIC)

OK.

(HIGH-PITCHED WHIRRING) I can't lift it up.

(LAUGHS)

(MACHINERY POWERS DOWN) (CHUCKLES)

Yeah. Good.

Oh, that's horrible.

'It wasn't the start I'd hoped for.

But with Rom up next...'

(WHIRRING) Ready?

Yeah, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready. Fucking hell! Yeah.

'Would he have the strength to impress the team?'

(HIGH-PITCHED WHIRRING)

(LAUGHS)

Oh God. I think that went alright.

What do you think? Yeah? Yeah, you done alright there, yeah.

'It wasn't pretty.

But somehow, I'd managed to lift an F1 car without any help.

Unlike Rob.'

Well... How- What did you think, honestly?

You managed to mess that up, didn't you?Yeah.

Do you wanna have a go at the right rear wheel?

Er, yeah. Putting the right rear wheel on?

'Now, with a greater understanding of Rob's limited abilities,

Matt had put him in charge of installing one of the wheels.'

Right.

'But the pressure was getting too much for him.'

Can't get any purchase on it! Next to Frank.

You're gonna be this hand further down.

That's in the way as well, innit? Yeah.

That's quite dangerous.

(QUIETLY) Put your arm through. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, perfect. Put it in this ear. (LIGHT LAUGHTER)

Nobody told us you're a prima donna. What's that?

Well, I'm not a prima donna, I'm just trying to, like, not kill myself.

Just get on with it. I'll tell you what,

after this I dare you to go down the Comedy Store and do five minutes.

Fucking hell! Big man talk, innit, with his wheels. (LAUGHTER)

Right. When was the last time he put a fucking wheel on?

(LAUGHING, INDISTINCT)

Is it getting to you? It's getting to you a bit!

You got it, well done, mate! He's lost it, his head's gone.

(MIMICS) "Fucking go down the Comedy Store, do five!"

You're supposed to be on my side! (LAUGHS) He's lost it.

I haven't lost it. He's lost it, his head's gone.

Head's gone. It's fallen out of the ear.

I found the noise of the cars and the drills,

I found it all very overwhelming, and it made me defensive.

Rob Beckett is one of the most flappy

of the flappiest flaps you could ever possibly flap.

Get a few more people to watch, that'll be helpful.

His head was gone. One comment to him.

One comment, "That wasn't very good."

(MIMICS) "I'd like to see you do five minutes in a Comedy Store."

What you on about? You don't even do five minutes in a Comedy Store.

You're not even on the circuit, Rob.

OK? After three. Ready, mate.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

(HIGH-PITCHED WHIRRING)

Was that alright? (APPLAUSE)

(SIGHS) Thank God for that. Thanks guys.

You were 1.7. 1.7 seconds?1.7?

Oh, same on the wheels as you are in bed.Oh-ho!

Good stuff. Good stuff. Banter, banter, banter, banter.

(LIGHT LAUGHTER) But there's less men in the bedroom!

'Despite my success with the tyre, Matt was still unimpressed.'

So, you've gotta be unflappable, you say?

(LAUGHS) So, somebody makes one comment,

and you absolutely lose your shit.

What did you think of that performance?

Yeah, that-I don't think we can put him in the crew, can we?

No, I will lose my head.

Alright, do you know what? Hands up, I am flappable.

Yeah. That should be the name of your next tour, Flappable.

Flap- I am flappable. Yeah.I think we saw that.

I can and will lose my head at anything.

Yeah, we definitely saw that.

(MELLOW MUSIC)

'Rob's meltdown meant pitstops were off the list.'

Oh my God, that was awful.

'So, it was time for our next job trial.

Lewis Hamilton had just kicked off his practice,

and Toto Wolff had sent us trackside,

where we'd be in charge of the pit boards for Lewis's laps.

We didn't have a clue what that was,

but pit team member Emile was about to explain.'

So, basically, every time Lewis comes by here,

we're gonna basically push this out, it's on rails,

and we're gonna tell him how many laps he has left to go.

'It sounded so simple.'

Fuckin' hell!

(LAUGHING) Fuckin' hell!

Jesus! (LAUGHS)

They do- This is, like, as close as you can get to the action.

'The problem was, Formula 1 cars are well fast.

So, timing when to show Lewis the board

was going to be a bit of challenge.'

Where's Lewis?

Alright, go ahead. Quick, quick, Rom!

Missed it!

Was that him? Yeah. (LAUGHS)

That was him? That was him.

'We'd missed him, but we were about to get another go.'

I should've put sun cream on, I'm burning up.

Was that him? You missed him. That was him.

(LAUGHS LOUDLY)

'It wasn't going well, and the noise from the engines was getting louder.'

(ENGINES ROAR)

Horrible. I feel like a dog on bonfire night.

(LAUGHS)

'And things were going from bad to worse for Rom.'

They're on the wrong way round, you dick!Oh!

'So, we weren't getting Lewis the information he needed.'

(LIVELY MUSIC)

Did I miss him again? You missed another one, yeah.

(LAUGHS)

No, I don't think we've helped Lewis.

I think, if anything, we've made his weekend worse.

(ENGINES ROAR) Right, Rom, Rom.

Genuinely, you just knocked that out and it nearly went on the track.

We missed Lewis almost each and every single time.

What we did was we let other drivers know how many laps Lewis had left.

(LAUGHS LOUDLY)

Sorry! We're gonna get you sacked.

(LIVELY MUSIC CONTINUES)

'Eventually, though, with a little bit of help...'

OK, now, now, now, now, now! Now!

Lewis! Lewis!

Nice. Yeahhh!

'..we finally got one.'

Let's do it!

'But as quickly as our pit board career had started, it was ended.'

Alright, thanks, man. Thanks, mate.

Fuckin' disaster.

(LIVELY MUSIC)

We only got- I think we only got one lap correct.

Yes. And then he went in early,

which is not a great sign. It's a disaster.

I actually think, for the good of Mercedes-

This has actually- It's gone beyond a joke.

We're actually a health and safety problem.I think we should leave.

I'm actually gonna say, I think- You can't-

Why am I in charge of putting metal on the track and then out again?

That isn't- I don't think that should be OK!

I think one of the other teams actually has organised this...

This is a joke. ..to sabotage Mercedes.

Bad. That was unbelievable.

I can't believe we were allowed to do that.

You were absolute shit. I mean, it's great-

The good thing is no one'll ever be allowed to do that ever again.

No. That was an exclusive for us.

(LIVELY MUSIC FADES OUT)

ROMESH: 'Rob and I are in Monaco, learning all about F1.

We'd teamed up with eight-time world champion Mercedes.

But unfortunately, we hadn't got off to the best of starts.'

Did I miss him again? You missed another one.

'We had an interview planned

with the legend that is Lewis Hamilton later that day.

But with some time to kill before then,

we had a small matter to deal with.'

How about I teach you how to drive a manual, OK?

Yeah. And then you do a driving test?

I'm up for it.

(PLAYFUL PIANO MUSIC)

'With Rob's driving test just a few weeks away,

there wasn't a lot of time to prepare.

Fortunately, Mercedes had provided a car we could practice in.

Unfortunately,

the only place Rob could legally drive was on private land.

I'd found us a location, but as we arrived,

I was starting to have second thoughts

about using a vineyard for a driving lesson.'

This is exciting, Rom. You never drive on these shows.

Oh. Oh dear. (LAUGHS LOUDLY)

Oh dear. (LAUGHS)

Oh dear. It's- (LAUGHS)

(ENGINE REVS) Here we go.

It's totally fine, mate. It's absolutely fine.

Yeah. Here we go. (CHUCKLES)

There we are. And then you change gear, do you?

Yeah. About now?

Oh, there you go, Rom. You can drive a manual!

OK. You're winding me up.

Here? Yeah.

Handbrake's on, let me just double check we're alright.

OK, that's- I'd say that's not alright! (LAUGHS)

I know I'm a newbie to this, but I'd say that's not right.

We're fine now, we're absolutely fine.

So, I'm starting from here? Yeah. So, this is a hill start now.

This is my fast pass course, right?

We need to get you to test standard quickly, alright?Yeah.

I am making it more difficult for you.Yeah.

So that when you come to do the actual test,

it'll feel like a breeze, OK? Perfect.

When you go- (FARTS)

It's a very small car. (LAUGHING) Sorry.

OK. So...

(UNDER BREATH) Fuckin' hell.

Oof. Alright, let's go.

To be honest with you, we have to do this quickly,

cos I don't know how long that handbrake's gonna hold out for.OK.

Right, OK. (GRUNTS)

Get in the car.

Alright, so- What have I got down here then?

Now, what you've gotta remember...

Now this is gonna be quite stressful, OK?

Just have a go with it, without me telling you anything.

Go for it. (ENGINE STARTS)

Gonna put it into first.

Full disclosure, I can still smell your fart.

(LAUGHS) Alright, let's go.

Hang on, do I have to put the...

OK.

Go again. What's-

(LAUGHS)Put the clutch in. Put it into neutral.

OK. I think I'm a bit too far away from it.

Neutral is wiggling it about, just wiggle it.

Oh, fucking hell, it's hard- Go further-

It's hard to do your seat on a hill, innit?

I didn't think I'd have to teach you about gravity. Alright, OK, so...

Sorry, I'm... (LAUGHS) (UNDER BREATH) Oh, fuckin' hell.

(LAUGHING) I can't get- (FARTS)

I fart well though! (LAUGHING) Oh no! Stop farting!

Stop farting! Right, go on.

I fart when I'm nervous. Right. OK, go on, alright.

(SIGHS, GROANS) OK, go again.

Now, do you know what you did wrong last time, apart from the farting?

Yeah, I didn't put my clutch down when I put it in first.

OK, go again.

(ENGINE STARTS) (CHUCKLES)

Right. OK.

I want you to try and go forward. Right.

Figure it out. (ENGINE REVS)

No! No, that's not forward! Brake, brake, brake! Fucking fuck!

(LAUGHS)

Fucking put the fucking handbrake on!

(BOTH LAUGHING) I don't-

You've not told me what I have to do!

You can't just- I can't-

(LAUGHING) This is dangerous!

I don't know what I'm doing!

I just put my foot on the accelerator!

Yeah, but you saw it was going backwards,

so you've gotta do something!

You know what the brake is! Yeah, but why didn't it go forward?

Right, let me just tell you very quickly, alright?

First of all, stop farting. (LAUGHS)

It's horrible in here, innit? It's so horrible.

It's so small! (EXHALES) I'm getting hotboxed by your arse.

Turn it on again? Turn it on again.

(ENGINE STARTS)OK. Right. This bit I did well.

Clutch down. Clutch down.

Into first. OK. Into first. Right.

This is the bit I'm struggling with. Now, foot on the accelerator.

Accelerate a bit? Yeah.(ENGINE REVS)

Accelerate and simultaneously release the clutch.

When you're ready to go, release the handbrake.

(LIVELY MUSIC)

(BOTH LAUGH) You're doing it, you're doing it!

Is that right? You're doing it!

(YELLS) Yes! Yes!

Yesss! Yes! (LAUGHS)

(SCREAMS) Go into second, into second!

Oooh! Sh- Jesus! Chill out!

OK, go. Go, go, go, go!

Quicker. Go into second.

Into second, into second.

I can't. Into second.

No! No, that's third!

(LAUGHS) OK, stop, stop, stop!

(BOTH LAUGH)

(WHIMPERS) I need some fresh air!

It's so stressful!

(BOTH LAUGHING & PANTING)

'Rob had risen to the challenge of my first fast pass test.

But it hadn't been pretty, and he still had a lot to learn.'

What I didn't know about Rob,

despite being friends with him for over a decade,

is that when Rob gets nervous, he farts.

A lot.

I would hate to have been sat next to him at my GCSEs.

Steaming up a bit, innit? Yeah, it's steaming up a little bit.

It stinks of human shit. (LAUGHS) Yeah, it does, and that is...

Well, it stinks of one specific human's shit.

I've been in a car with Rob a lot,

so I would consider myself to be comfortable with Rob in a car,

er, until today.

OK, go to first, go to first. Go to first? Oh God.

Go first. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!

Fuck my life!

OK, just go, it doesn't matter. (LAUGHS)

I shat myself. But even if I had shat myself,

it wouldn't have smelt as bad as the car did anyway,

because Rob had been farting non-stop.

Our next manoeuvre is a three-point turn.OK.

And this is a suitable place to do it, yeah?

Yes. That is absolutely bananas.

The three-point turn was actually dangerous.

It was a dirt track on a hill and there was two rivers either side!

Eh, brooks. Streams...

I dunno. I weren't very good at geography.

(ENGINE REVS)

What you doing? I don't know.

Why isn't it going backwards? Put it in reverse.

It's in reverse! It can't be.

If it was in reverse, we'd be going backwards, Rob.

Fucking hell.

The purpose of doing it like this was twofold, really.

I put him under extreme stress,

so when he does come to do the actual test, it'll feel quite easy.

(ENGINE REVS)

(SNORTS) (LAUGHS) I don't...

Why is it- Why is it going forwards?

Put it in reverse! It's in reverse!

OK. I'm getting hot.

Fuckin' hell. Don't fart.

The secondary reason, I would say, look,

if I'm giving you a percentage, 49% was to just really annoy him,

and just see if I could push him to breaking point.

You gotta lift it to put it into reverse.

Oh, you bastard! What? That's what-

That's how you do it. You fuckin' bastard.

Well, you've just taken it out now. So, you just-

That's it. There you go, it's in reverse.

You bitch. What are you so- What?

Knew I had to do that! This is part of learning!

It's part of learning. Yeah.

But no, it's not part of learning! It's not like, "Oh, get in the car."

I thought we'd find out- "I'm not gonna tell you-"

If you've gotta lift it, tell me I've gotta lift it!

Yeah, but I'm saying that that's the way of, like-Fucking hell!

You'll never forget now, will you?

There we go.

There we go.

Ooh. Fuck my- Loads of room, you loser.

OK, reverse. Nearly there. Nearly there.

(UNDER BREATH) Fucking hell! Oh my God.

Don't you worry about me, boy. (LAUGHING) Oh my God.

(LAUGHS)

Yes! Yeah!

(HONKS HORN)

(BOTH LAUGH)

Why could I do it there?!

The fact that we got Rob through those manoeuvres is testament

that the Romesh Ranganathan Driving School is exemplary.

And that is something we can all be proud of here at the academy.

'With the first lesson over, it was time to head back into Monaco,

as now we were off to meet one of F1's superstars.

Arguably the greatest Formula 1 driver of all time,

Lewis Hamilton has won over 100 Grands Prix,

has over 4,000 career points,

and has won an incredible seven world titles.'

(ON RADIO) "That's for all the kids out there who dream the impossible."

'So, this was an opportunity we didn't want to mess up.

And with Rob's track record,

we needed to set some ground rules before the interview.'

We've only got 15 minutes. Yep.

So, we don't want any bullshit questions, like...

When did you first realise you were fast?

Was you, like, running for a bus and thought,

"Fucking hell, I've overtaken it"?

If you got locked in a room with, you know, Djokovic, Nadal, and Federer,

and you all had to have a fight, who'd win?

I was hanging around with your wife at the Euros.Doing what?

Well, no, hang on, this... (LAUGHTER)

How about this? Yeah.

What's Nicole Scherzinger like in real life?No.

In fact, let's do this now. What?

What questions do you wanna ask that I can veto straight off the bat?

Nicole Scherzinger. No.

How comes he's not winning anymore? No.

Does the pressure get to him? Thinking about retirement?No.

So what do we wanna get out of him?

Who are the greatest interviewers of our generation?

Jonathan Ross? Graham Norton? Louis Theroux?

Louis Theroux. Yeah.

So, take some advice from that. Yeah.

He's quiet a lot of the time. Yeah.

Sure. Something like this.

This is what I could imagine you doing, something like this.Go on.

"So, F1. Crazy world, isn't it?"

And is that a good thing to do? Then you stop.

Yep. See what he says.

And let him go? Yeah.

So, you want me to do that? Yeah.

So, I'll go- What I want you to do...

So, this is how we're gonna do it.

I'll never say it like that though. No, look, OK.

My questions are quite long, I get that.

Yeah. I am bad at that. Go on.

Imagine, we go in, "Hi Lewis, Romesh."Yeah.

Lew? Do you reckon? No, absolutely not.

Never heard him referred- Lewis, Hammers, Hammond, the Hamster?

No. The Hammer? What's his nickname?

Oh, you're actually making me more nervous about this.

Hammy! No.

No? (GERMAN ACCENT) The Town.

(CHUCKLES, GERMAN ACCENT) Hamil-Town.

This is what I'm gonna do. Gotta go, "Hamil-town."

I would say borderline racist.

OK, I won't do that then. No, don't do that.

So, I think you go in.Yeah. Introduce yours-

Just show me how you're gonna introduce yourself.

Hello, Lewis. Lovely to meet you. Good.

Nice to meet you. Yeah. I'm Rob.

And I'll go, "I'm Romesh." Then we sit down, and then you go...

(SIGHS) "F1... Crazy, huh?"

Yeah?

Any question can be made good if you just take all the words out.

So, for example, "What shall we do in Monaco?" becomes, "Monaco?"

No, I think that's weird.

I think it's very weird to interview someone and go, "Monaco."

I think that's worse.No, because you didn't do it like a question.

I think we need a happy medium. You do it like this...

"Monaco?" OK.

Tell you what. Let's start with that. No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, hold on, listen.

Let me tell you something. This is the deal.No, let's-

If you open with, "F1's a crazy world",

I'll do, "Monaco?"

(LAUGHING) OK. OK?

Deal. (BOTH LAUGH)

'With that agreed, it wasn't long before the man himself arrived.'

Hi, Lewis. Rob. Nice to meet you. You good?

Hello, mate. Rom. How you doing? Alright? How's it going? You good?

I'm good, how are you? Yeah, not too bad.Good, thank you.

First time in Monaco? BOTH: Yes.

Yeah, how freaking mega is this place?I know.

Formula 1's crazy, huh?

Yeah. It's just spectacular here.

I, um- The first time I came here was when I was 13.

Not for the Grand Prix,

but someone- a friend of mine invited me,

and I remember my eyes just opening up,

just thinking how beautiful it was, and...

Yeah.It was like, the sun was shining, I was like...

Compared to Stevenage, I was like,

"This is it. I wouldn't mind coming out here one day."

(CHUCKLES) I mean... Monaco.

That was random. Yeah, it was, wasn't it?

What? Do you mean the track? (LAUGHS)

Yeah, is it- is it the best one?

'Our plan had backfired.

What was intended as a way to help Rob

now had me looking like an idiot.

We needed to get things back on track

by reverting to a tried and tested interview technique:

asking normal questions.'

Is, er, being an F1 driver as amazing as it seems?

'Cause it seems like it's just an amazing lifestyle.

Yeah, I would say so. I mean, there's...

Like any job, it's not, erm...

There- It's not all perfect.

There's areas that- Yeah. The travel's insane.

The travelling is amazing though.

To see the world, and to see all these different cultures, and...

I like being in different places.

But I'm so now used to moving,

I can't stay in one place for too long.Really?

Yeah, I get itchy, itchy feet. But how do you live, like...

Is it difficult to live a normal life then,

if you're just always on the move? For sure.

For sure, yeah. It's very hard to strike a...

You know, your social life, it's...

Er, time with family, it's not easy, so you have to plan up ahead,

whenever you get any time. Yeah.

So, the race got cancelled last week, so I was, like-

Immediately got to see the kids at the weekend and my sis-

(CHUCKLES) My sister's kids. I thought we got an exclusive then.

Yeah, that would've been amazing. Imagine that!

Would've helped this episode out. Didn't do anything and we got that.

(LAUGHS) You seem so chilled.

Like, the pressure must be unbelievable?

Like, every week you travel round the world, you're, like, in this car-

I've been doing this a long time, dude. (LAUGHS)

What's the secret, how do you- There isn't really a secret.

I think it's just, er, finding what works for you,

it's trying to find an equilibrium really, you know?

Last weekend, I was at home, I barely left my house.

Yeah.And just did normal stuff, like DIY stuff at the house.

Oh, what was you doing? What was you doing at the house?

Well, my- I've only just really, like, moved into this house,

so fixing up floors, fixing a little bit of painting on the walls.

Erm... You do that yourself?

Yeah, come on.No you don't. This weekend I did.

Yeah, this weekend I did. Yeah. Really?

And also, like, planting plants in my garden and stuff, trimming stuff.

(LAUGHS)I was like, "Shoot, you know I'm getting old

when you start trimming stuff out in your garden."I know!

'We'd just about managed to rescue the interview,

and now we needed to get back to why we were really here.'

Obviously me and Romesh are trying to find out

where we'd fit in the world of Formula 1.

I- You know, obviously I can't even drive a manual,

so it's doubtful that I'd be a driver.

Mmm, yep. Romesh, though, can drive.

He likes adrenaline. So, maybe I might be a bit more...

I was gonna say, where would you see us?

Could you see Romesh as a driver?

And if I'm not a driver, where would you put me in Formula 1?

Just for full context, I'm 45 and only got one fully functioning eye,

but apart from that- Oh, yeah, so probably-

But he's got no fear, have you?

Probably no chance of being a racing driver, but-

OK, cool. He's already out because of the eye.

Just smash that dream to pieces straight away, yeah?

Smash it before he gets any hope. OK, fine.

Even with all the sponsors in the world.

If you're a good driver, you could be one of the drivers that...

you know, drives us around. Like Uber?

Is that what you're suggesting? (LAUGHTER)

We're in Monaco though, it's a bit of money.Yeah.

Oh, thanks man. So you could be an Uber driver.

God, you really are good at the old aspirational stuff, aren't you?

Oh, nah. Well, the thing is that there's no-

We're all a part of the same team, right?Ah.

And there's no people at the top, people at the bottom.

All jobs are just as important as- OK.Yeah, yeah.

If we're not all pulling our weight, all doing our job, we wouldn't-

this thing would not move the way it needs to.

So you're saying I could be somebody that drives you where you need?

I personally wouldn't trust you to drive me, no.

But you could drive someone else. Right, OK.

(LAUGHTER) Drive George!

Is that purely based on what you've seen of me today? That's mad.

No, I'm kidding. But yeah, so you're not- Yeah.

But you could-I could drive somebody around that you didn't care about?

Yeah. OK.

Or there's content creation, there's... God knows, there's-

We could do marketing. Marketing.

TikTok. Do a TikTok. Yeah, I could do TikTok, yeah.

Could do the dancing on TikTok. ALL: Yeah.

We were, sort of, aiming for driver and lead mechanic, but-

You're saying drive someone you don't know and do TikToks?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. OK.Sure, OK.

Or drive George and scare him to death.(LAUGHTER)

Lewis, it's been such an honour to talk to you, man.

Thanks, mate. Appreciate it. Thanks. We know you're busy.

We'll see you around this weekend. BOTH: Yeah.

Cool. Nice one. Thanks, man. Cheers, mate. Bye.

That was great.

The Monaco thing couldn't have gone worse, could it?(LAUGHS)

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

ROB: 'Rom and I are in Monaco with the Mercedes Formula 1 team,

finding out if we can fit in with one of the world's fastest sports.

We'd met up with the greatest of all time, Lewis Hamilton.

But it was fair to say he didn't have much faith

in Rom's driving potential.'

Probably no chance of being a racing driver, but-

OK, cool. You just smash that dream to pieces straight away, yeah?

Yeah, smash it before he gets any hope.

'Maybe I'd missed my chance to drive Formula 1,

but I was more than happy to downsize my dream...

..at the go-karting track.'

Any of the current Formula 1 drivers,

their careers starting go-karting.

We have decided to simulate that,

by turning up to do some go-karting.

If it was just me and Rob Beckett,

it would sound like the world's most tragic stag do.

But fortunately, we are doing it

with former F1 world champion, Damon Hill.

'Damon is a British racing legend.

In 1996, he carved his name in Formula 1 history

when he became world champion at the Japanese Grand Prix.

We were meeting him at a go-karting track two hours west of Monaco,

for a lesson in the art of racing.'

Hello, Damon. Rob. Lovely to meet you.

Rob. Absolute honour.

Rom. Welcome. Welcome to the kart track.

Yes. We're very excited.

We don't know anything about F1 at all.

What are the ingredients for a really great F1 driver?

Very good reflexes, good balance, obviously pin-sharp eyes,

you've gotta have a spatial awareness.

Erm... Right. Show him.

Yeah. That's the problem.

Have you got corrective lenses in everything?Yeah.

He's got the lenses, he'll be alright.

But weight is very important in our sport as well.

Heavy or light? Light is better.

OK, that's not ideal. Strength is important.

You don't wanna lose too much, you need a bit of strength.Right.

I dunno if you've seen Formula 1 drivers' necks are like that.

Yeah. It's gotta support their massive egos and heads.

(LAUGHS) He liked that.

Cheers, Damon. (LAUGHTER)

'I love Damon Hill. Obsessed with his beard.

So beautifully put together.'

He was almost like a white, grey Craig David.

Unbelievably manicured, that man.

I've done go-karting once,

but it was on a stag do in Berlin. Yeah.

And I can't remember it, and I only found out I did it

when someone showed me a photo. That doesn't count!

Have you done go-karting before?

I've played a lot of Mario Kart. Like, a lot.

A lot of Mario Kart. (LAUGHS)

Well, you know, they practice on simulators now.

And we've actually found that people who do a lot of simulator work

take to racing quite quickly.

So, I think what you guys need is a bit of practice,

I'll do some coaching, and then we're gonna put you to the test.

OK. A proper race.

So, on paper, we've got nothing that we need.

We're too old, we're too fat, we can't see.

But apart from that- Is there any point in carrying on?

(LAUGHTER) Not really.

'We hadn't impressed Damon with our driving credentials,

so he was going to try to teach us how it was done,

in a two-seater go-kart.'

Fucking hell. Snug, innit?

I was very nervous when we got in the go-kart,

because I've never been in a car before,

that's tipped like I was on a boat.

Right, let's go. Good luck, have fun.

You're about to shit yourself!

So, we're trying to look ahead.

Don't look where you are, look where you're going.

(LAUGHS)

'It didn't take long to realise

Damon's driving was even more impressive than his manscaping.'

Fucking hell, you're good at this! (LAUGHS)

This is mental! Ahh!

To be honest, I'm not even that bothered about the go-karting.

I just like Damon Hill.

I'm gonna have to brake for this one.

(LAUGHS)

You kerbed it! That's a major in a driving test.

Ah! (LAUGHS)

I'd quite like to do Rob & Damon Vs.

Just go and do different things. Wine tasting, get our hair cut.

I wanna see how they do his beard.

I reckon a magnifying glass comes out.

There's no way you're doing that with your eyes.

'It looked like Rob had enjoyed his lap with Damon a little too much.

He'd spent more time laughing than learning.'

(LAUGHS)

'Now it was my turn, and I was determined to listen

to Damon's instructions, so I could prove my doubters wrong.'

I'm looking round the corner.

Oh, Jesus.

I can use a bit of kerb, but not too much.

Oh my god! Fuck my life!

'But focussing was a bit of a challenge.'

He had no idea if I was listening to him or not.

I had no idea if I was listening to him or not.

(SCREAMS) Fuck me, this is terrifying!

30 seconds in I started shitting myself and fell completely silent.

(GROANS LOUDLY)

It's quite a lot to take in one run. Yeah.

No, I've got it. Good.

'Damon's lesson was complete,

and now it was time for us to find out if we had the need for speed.'

These are the single-seat cars.

These will accelerate more quickly. Right.

Oh my God. They're lighter, because-

I dunno how much you guys weigh- Just, like, 11 stone, I think.

So, these karts will be more frisky.

Yes. And much more fun to drive.

But not before some final words of wisdom.

What would be the one tip for us to remember, the most important thing?

Go as fast as you can. Cool. Good to have you here.

Nice one. Thank you, Damon. (LAUGHS)

'That was easier said than done, because out on the track...'

Are you supposed to brake here?

I don't know what I'm doing!

'..it was much harder than Damon had made it look.'

(SCREAMS)

'But now we'd had a practice run...'

I think I'm getting worse at this.

'..he wanted to raise the stakes.'

Now we're gonna have a race.

But I am gonna handicap myself, because what I'm gonna do is

I'm gonna give you almost a lap advantage.Oh.

So, it's a five-lap race, and I'm gonna be trying to catch you up.

Thank you, Damon.We'll call this segment 'Delaying the Inevitable'.

So, what is about to happen is Damon Hill is about to race us.

But he thinks we're so shit,

he is gonna give us a lap head start.

If you don't catch us up, how bad is this for you?

It'd be quite humiliating. (LAUGHTER)

So, there's a lot on the line. My reputation!

Yeah, OK. But thankfully,

I've got a championship in the bag, so that's-

They can't take that away. I respect that attitude.

If he manages to do that, his credibility

and ongoing, sort of, dinner party circuit career will be safe.

If he doesn't, I think he can kiss that corporate work goodbye.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

'Our training was complete.

We definitely weren't ready.

But it was time to race.

Five laps of the track

against former F1 world champion Damon Hill.'

Right.

My glasses have steamed up. I'm completely blind.

(LAUGHS)

Are we ready? Under starter's orders.

(TENSE MUSIC) (KART ENGINES REV)

Good luck, Damon.

Oh, Rommo's taken the first corner.

'Passing Rob was easier than I thought,

and I was getting the hang of the track.'

(BIRDS TWEETING QUIETLY)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

'It was starting to look like all those hours on Mario Kart

hadn't been a complete waste of time.

Damon was off.'

Fuck!

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Shitting balls!

That's a world champion.

'It was clear straight away that Damon was much quicker.'

(DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES)

(TYRES SCREECH)

'And, as the laps ticked down,

it wasn't long before he was on my tail.'

Come on. Come on, Hill.

When Damon Hill's up you, you can feel it.

He was right on me like a rat up a drainpipe.

I was like, "That's Damon Hill."

(CHUCKLES) And I was like, "I'm go-karting with Damon Hill!"

Come on. Come on, Hill. Nearly there.

Come on, Romesh, you've got this.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES)

'Damon was on a mission to save all his corporate work.'

Ah! Went a bit too much there.

'We were on the final lap, and he was gaining fast.'

Come on, Romesh!

You are not gonna lap me, mate.

'And before I knew it, he was breathing down my neck.'

I'm racing Damon Hill! I'm racing Damon Hill!

Oh, the arse has gone, the arse has gone.

Like a Sri Lankan middle-aged man, the arse has gone.

Quite quick, that Romesh. I'm gonna have to really work hard here!

Oh my God.

Come on. Come on.

'But I was starting to feel like Lewis Hamilton.'

Find the racing line. Come on, Romesh.

Blimey, I'm never gonna make it!

I think I've bitten off more than I can chew!

Come on, Romesh! Oh no!

(ROARS) You want speeeed!

(UPBEAT TECHNO MUSIC)

(YELLS) Woooo!

Yes, baby!

I'm not gonna lie to you. As we pulled up, part of me was thinking,

"Don't be Rob Beckett, don't be Rob Beckett.

Just be calm, be relaxed, be gracious."

Come on! (LAUGHS)

Yes, baby!

But inside, I was thinking, (GRITS TEETH) "I did it.

I beat Damon Hill!

A former world champion couldn't catch you!

Brown speed Romesh Rapid-Nathan

absolutely smashed the shit out of it!"

Felt like Princess Peach out there.

I think I've got a need for speed,

if someone else is driving.

This is the hardest bit. I've gotta congratulate the winner.

Well done, Rom. Well done, Romesh.

Thank you so much. Excellent performance.

Unbelievable. Thank you.

I'd say the highlights of today have been...

Damon Hill, love him.

Romesh had a helmet on, didn't have to look at him or talk to him.

Perfect day.

You're my favourite Damon. (SCOFFS)

How many others do you know?You used to go on about Damon Albarn.

Damon Albarn. Oh, that's true, yeah.

You always said you preferred him.

No, Hill. Yeah, alright.

Can I take my top half out and tie it round my waist?

That's what all the pros do, innit? If you like.(LAUGHS)

Oh God, I think that was a rookie- I think he's had enough of me.

(GROANS) Right, let's go. Come on, Dame.

What's your favourite Blur song?

My favourite Blur song? Oh.

Rob's hobby is random questions. (LAUGHS)

'Next time...'

We're about to watch the Formula 1 in Monaco.

It's amazing. I'm buzzing!

'..we continue our F1 journey,

as the celebrities descend onto Monaco for race day.'

For everybody else, we're the biggest fish here.Yeah, yeah.

'We hang out with one of F1's brightest stars.'

It's my brace from when I was a kid. Bit of banter.

'And Rob Beckett finally takes his manual driving test.'

Right, why is this happening?

It's fifth gear. It's fifth gear, OK.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

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