Original subtitles

The following programme contains strong language and adult humour.

The 2022 World Cup is just days away.

Over the past six months,

Rom and I have been given unparalleled access to the England team

as they prepare.

You all right, lads?

Hello, mate, you good? All right!

We're going to find out what's led to our most successful run at major tournaments

for more than 50 years...

England will play in the European Championship final!

..and how that success has made the country fall back in love with the Three Lions.

But for some people, it all got a little too much.

No matter what happens in life,

just remember you'll still be on the floor eating chicken.

We've been allowed behind the scenes at England's boot camps...

Not seen you since you were lying on the floor in the middle of the Euros!

You saw that?!

..training with the squad...

(LAUGHTER)

..meeting players... Do you like that, yeah?

..and landing an exclusive interview with the man who's given us reason to still believe.

What me and my wife do is none of your business, really!

(CHEERING)

It's the big one, Romesh. Mate...

We've made it!

What a world!

Look, this is the most excited I've ever seen you!

Just cos this is, like...

You know when we started doing Rob

Yep.You get nervous, are we gonna get access to things that are really, truly amazing...

And today, this is dream-maker stuff!

It's exciting, innit?

Do you know what I don't like?

I'm already, uh, feeling a bit giggly and thirsty.

I'm nervous about meeting them all! Yeah, I'm nervous too!

I'd quite like to be friends with a lot of the players.

OK, can I just stop you there? No... So...

I don't need your logic. I know you're not gonna like this advice.

Or this suggestion...

It's for both of us.

What is it, exercise more and stop drinking? No, absolutely not!

I don't think we've got that in our lockers.

Um, I think we have to, for once in our lives,

slightly rely on fate for that to happen.

Because in the past we've tried to force it,

whereas...

AJ. OK, yeah, Andy Murray.

Right,

and what I think we need to do...

Camila Cabello was a bad one! That was bad!

Did you see the message? Give me your phone.

Uh, Camila... This was bad.

Look, I think it's unfair... OK, OK.

Now, what I'm gonna say is, straight off,

you've egged yourself off like an absolute prick here.

How?!

You've gone, "Yes, Cinders!"

Yeah, right, OK... You're a dickhead.

So... No! I met her on the Cinderella film!

Everyone was calling her Cinders.

Yeah, do you know why they were calling her that?

That's her character name! Off camera as well.

"Yes, Cinders..." Oh, I don't wanna do this!

"Yes, Cinders, how long you in town for?

You missed a belter last night!"

(RETCHING AND SCREAMING)

"But there's a great benefit next Wednesday!"

No! Actually, I don't want this to happen!

And then she said, "OMG, urgh, I won't be here!

I leave Monday, I'm here till Sunday."

And that was the end of the conversation.

That is where the conversation SHOULD have ended!

However... Oh, no, don't do this bit!

So, there's a lot wrong with this.

She sent that message at...

No, just delete all that! The worst bit! Not the bottom!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

This is the worst bit!

You sent this at ten to seven in the morning...

Did I? Oh, no...

"Ah, that's a shame!" (GROANS)

"Well, if you're at a loose end on Saturday,

me and my wife are going for early dinner with some friends at Annabel's!"

No, don't say that bit! Argh!

No! Shut up!

Shut up!

"Then onto the Royal Albert Hall to watch the Liam Gallagher gig."

That's a good night out!

"You're more than welcome to come along,

will be good to see you.

The Albert Hall is unbelievable."

You're trying to use the Royal Albert Hall as bait! (HORN BLASTING)

(CONTINUES)

(RETCHES)

Oh, I'm sweating, actually... Look at my head!

I'm actually sweating, this is horrible!

6:50am! 6:50am!

And, uh, what was the reply?

Uh, let's scroll...

It's not scrolling that time! None... Oh!

Oh, that's right,

because she thinks oh, I thought this was casual

to I've got a stalker!

OK, yeah, no reply.

Oh, my God! I'm hot!

That might be better than meeting the England football team!

I'm sweatin' now.

Anyway, so, that's a good lesson.

The point I'm trying to make is, don't do that with the England football team!

Don't ask for numbers, you always do that.

Yeah, I'm not gonna ask for numbers.

Don't try and be overly thirsty, you stay cool.

Yes.

We'd come to Staffordshire to visit England's training HQ,

St George's Park.

This multimillion-pound facility is playing a major part as England aim for World Cup glory.

Our first stop was the stunning Sir Alf Ramsey indoor pitch

to have a kickabout,

but I had some reservations...

# Na, na, na

# Na, na, na...

Are you... Do you play football?

No!

And unfortunately,

I was being watched by some of the country's best players.

You got any tricks you can show 'em? Yeah!

Do a trick!

See that?

You've got this, let's do keepy-uppies!

# Na, na, na, na, na, na, na

Oh, hello!

Oh, fuck!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

# England! #

Rom was on the back foot big time,

and now two of the best young players in the world,

Mason Mount and Jude Bellingham,

were going to run us through a series of training drills

with a goalie the FA had provided.

Just flick it up, as long as it's in the air,

just volley.

Volley, yeah. First one's a volley.

I used to think at school that maybe...

Maybe if I just had really got on top of my fitness

and got the right coach,

I could have made it as a player.

Oh!

But I was also morbidly obese.

Officially, from the doctor.

They told me that at 11.

I couldn't wear socks, cos my legs were too fat.

Oh, my!

And what?!

And what?! Yes! (EXCLAIMING)

As boyhood dreams go, this was pretty high on the list.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Oh, my God!

And what?!

I got more of that!

Right, give it here, don't worry about that!

Look at him, what's he...

What are you... (LAUGHTER)

Give it your laces, like here!

It's sort of as I feared it would be, really.

The England football team, who I love and admire,

before today had no idea what I was like at football

and now they think I'm absolute shit.

Can you just roll it and... No, see what I'm saying?

You gotta get your toe under it and, like, lift it a bit.

Yeah, like, lift it up and then you can...

Go on, there you go! That's it!

What happened, did I snatch at it?

I think they're gonna leave in a minute!

Is that what happened?

Let's talk about that finish! What'd you reckon, Mason Mount?

Can I just find out from the Champions League winner, no offence...

No worries, I'll sit this one out!

That was... It's up there.

Was that Haaland-esque? Yeah, Haaland-esque, definitely.

Clip that up, we're done.

What would you say mine was esque?

Uh...

It would be disrespectful to say, wouldn't it,

if you put a name next to that.

Oh. Disrespectful.

It would be disrespectful to ANY name you put next to that,

is that what you're saying?

Any name. Wow.

I'd proven I couldn't do keepy-ups

and could barely connect with a volley,

but Mason and Jude were determined to find something I COULD do.

Free kicks were next.

Right, curvy run-up, yeah?

We've got a crowd now, look.

Where?

Rice and Saka over there, watching.

No pressure, but Saka and Rice are watching.

Oh... Not bad, Rom.

It's on target, haven't hit the man. We're getting there.

Go on, Rom! Finish it off!

Jack Grealish is here now as well to see this.

Fuck my life.

Oh, that's it, open her up!

Going for it!

Set your run-up. There you go. That's it.

This is one...

Genuinely, it's nice to meet you,

but it's one of the worst days of my life.

My kids have been so excited about me meeting some of the England team

and they are gonna be absolutely...

Just think about it,

tonight when I get home...

"Who did you meet, Dad?"

"Oh, I did a bit of training with Mason Mount and Jude Bellingham!"

"How did you get on?"

"Well..." Sorry!

"I don't think they're ever going to speak to me again

because they don't believe me to be the same species as them.

And I think the lesson is, kids, don't meet your heroes.

Goodnight."

Oh!

Oh-ho-ho!

I'll take that!

Did Saka and Rice see that? Perfect!

Hey, yo, clap! Thank you very much!

Thanks, Mase!

Rob seems to have been possessed by Cristiano Ronaldo.

Nice...

Oh!

He's done some sort of prayer, like a shaman.

And Cristiano Ronaldo, despite still being alive,

his spirit has entered Rob Beckett's body...

(STIRRING OPERA)

..and Rob Beckett is playing some of the greatest football I've ever seen.

Genuinely, I'm expecting Gareth Southgate to announce him in the squad.

That was unbelievable, wasn't it?

(OPERA CONTINUES)

It honestly was like a childhood dream,

I got invited to the England training

and scored loads of worldie goals and everyone saw!

It's exactly what happened,

and I can't really enjoy it, cos Romesh is so sad!

Mason, Jude, how have we done, what you thinking?

Let's declare a winner.

It was good. Yeah.

There was a lot of learning that took place,

so that's the most important thing.

Yeah, you learnt a lot, did ya? Yeah!

I don't agree to do these items anymore.

I've seen some things today I've never seen before.

Really? Yeah, that's a positive!

Would you declare a winner from that training session?

Bit awkward. Um...

Sorry, Rom, but yeah, it's gotta be Rob.

Yeah.

Rob.

Sorry, mate. No, it's OK.

You enjoyed it, though, didn't ya? No... No.

Good to meet you, but apart from that, absolute anxiety.

Mason, Jude, loved it.

Well done, champ. Cheers. Cheers, lads.

Cheers. Thanks. Cheers.

After my performance, I was buzzing,

but Rom was traumatised.

If you were sort of, like, designing of the worst things

to ever happen to you as a football fan,

that was probably it, for me.

For me...

For you, one of the best days of your life?

Oh, easily. Top one.

Top one? Top one!

Not even close. Kids being born, I'm sorry...

Love them to pieces, but that doesn't compare.

I am actually impressed. Well done.

Basically what you're saying is I do my talkin' on the pitch. I didn't say that.

Talk the talk, walk the walk.

Step over that white line, Beckett goes to work.

Nothing asked of me there I didn't deliver.

Was there? No...

Stick it top corner, no problem.

On the volley and yes, what's that?

Top corner free kick, not a problem!

Goalkeeper standing still!

Sorry, is that a statue? Oh, no, it's a real human!

Just wasn't worth diving!

But yeah, again, wasn't great for you.

To be fair to me, he said it wasn't worth diving over.

For very different reasons. Yeah.

Rom and I are hanging out with the England team ahead of the World Cup.

Yesterday, I think it's fair to say, had gone pretty well for me.

Oh, my...

(EXCLAIMING)

For Rom, less so.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

It was day two of our time at St George's

and the players were due for a morning training session.

Rom might have told me to play it cool,

but I was still on a high from yesterday

and this was a great chance for more face time with the players.

I'm really happy now, cos I've got up early for this.

What do you reckon Rom's doing now?

I mean, it's early,

he's probably having another disappointing vegan breakfast.

I'd bagged a great spot to make sure I wouldn't miss any action.

Look, I'm a massive England fan,

and I'm really excited to be here,

but ultimately, who doesn't want to be friends with footballers?

I want to be invited to footballers' weddings,

some stag dos.

I just wanna be one of the lads.

The players are coming.

Oh, God, I feel nervous!

I can see, like, Harry Maguire,

Harry Kane leading the charge.

He's Tottenham, he'll probably swerve me.

They look unbelievable. They all look so beautiful.

Yes, lads!

Hello, mate, you all right?

You good?

Good to see ya! You all right?

You all right, mate?

You all right, mate? That was embarrassing...

Fist bumps?

You good?

All right, lads? You all right, mate?

Yeah, you good?

You all right, mate?

(SHIVERS)

I touched all their hands! I got loads!

That felt like a sticker album, but live!

There's a few more coming.

Hello, mate, you all right? Good to meet you!

You all right, lads?

Hello, mate, you good? You OK, yeah?

You all right?

Oh, the calves, I saw the calves!

This hand's touched Grealish!

Can I go home now and see Lou?

I'd met the players,

and now the gaffer was on his way to the pitch.

Over the past X years,

Gareth Southgate has achieved incredible things with England.

A 2018 World Cup semi-final

and in 2020 he took us to our first ever Euros final.

It was gonna be an honour to meet him.

Hello, you all right, nice to see you!

I've not seen you since you were lying on the floor in the middle of the Euros!

I know, yeah!

You saw that?!

It's actually a good career boost, eating chicken by a bin!

But yeah, no, great to be here, well excited!

I can't believe that's your grass!

That shouldn't be the main thing I'm worried about, but yeah...

I think it looks good.

Is it exciting to have them back? Yeah, yeah.

Obviously, we don't get them all the time.

If I was you, do you just avoid Instagram to see what they're doing?

So, you don't know? No, I'm a stalker!

I want to know exactly what they're doing!

Really?

OK, good!

If you need any tips, I'll have a look for ya!

I've got Wayne Lineker's number!

Let's maybe not go there! All right!

I really panicked...

I really panicked, chatting there to Southgate.

I didn't know what to say, I didn't know he was there,

I just turned round and it was Gareth Southgate.

I think I've gone red!

I was under no illusion, that little chat had been an absolute shambles.

Oh, God, it was awful!

And it's been filmed,

and now wherever I go in this country,

someone will go, "Why did you ask Gareth Southgate about the grass?"

I panicked!

(VO) Training was underway.

My best bet now was to keep my head down and enjoy.

Pickford has got long hair. Grown it out.

I'm interested to see a blond man with longer hair.

I always think, "Could I?" But I can't.

I look like Thor when he's fat.

(PLAYERS SHOUTING) I'm a bit worried about how this looks, actually.

Phil Foden is 20. I'm 36.

I basically stood at the entrance to a park as some boys came in,

made them touch my hand,

and now I'm just here on my own, filming them.

You could go to prison for this.

But we're putting it on the tele!

I've got no idea what's happening.

It's almost like possession but then they absolutely pelt it.

(CHEERING) Oh, oh!

With that, training was finished.

I had enjoyed watching, but meeting the team

hadn't gone as well as I'd hoped. You good?Yeah, getting into it.

I put my foot in it with Gareth Southgate,

and then somehow, I made things worse.

It was going to be awkward, but I needed to feel Rom in,

and give him the full damage report.

I've got something to tell you.

The early training session, I got down there.

What happened? Was it actually worth going?

Well, yeah, so... There's good and bad news.

The good news is it was great access to the players.

Nice to see you. You alright? You alright mate?Yeah, you good?

What did you say to them, 'cause we agreed to stay cool, didn't we?

In my defence, it was like a swarm of little blue bees.

When you say, "in my defence", I get nervous.

Who did you speak to, first of all? Gareth Southgate.OK.

That's a big gun, alright. Yeah.

What did you say to Gareth Southgate?

The grass is nice.

Can't believe that's real grass!

That shouldn't be the main thing I'm worried about, but yeah.

Please tell me you didn't say that. It was so green! So green!

So what?! So what?! It was so nice!

The grass is nice at the England training facility?!Yeah.

It is so green up there. It's not his back garden lawn, mate.

I know, I- And then what did he say?

He said, "Yeah, it is very green, isn't it?"

Ah, no, so he humoured you? Yeah, he humoured me.

I spoke to Harry Kane, but nothing really happened with that.

What did you say to him?

I got panicked. This is bad, this one.

I said, "I was hanging around with your wife."

What?! Yeah.

I was hanging around with your wife at the Euros.Doing what?

Whoa, no, no, it wasn't- (LAUGHS)

Then some really pathetic, bum-licking stuff

about him being really good, and I don't like him being good

'cause I'm an Arsenal fan and I should hate him, but I can't!

I'd love you to play for Arsenal, and it really hurts that

you're so good and you're so nice. Hmm.

It's hard to dislike you. That's fair enough.

Oh my god, it's like absolute route one shit that's said to Harry Kane.

Absolute textbook twat comments. Yeah.

And then what did he- how did he respond to that?He sort of left.

You see what's happened? Before I've even seen him, he's off.

We won't be getting him back on the show.

Good to meet you.And you, mate. Have a good one.See you later.

Mason Mount seemed to like me.

He said something like, where are you? I said, "Romesh isn't here."

And he did say, "I've always preferred you to Romesh."

Did Mason Mount really say that? Yeah.

How are you? You good? Yeah, I'm good mate. Good training?

Yeah, I wanted to get involved but- You should have!

No, but-Are these boots-? It's not the right footwear is it?

Romesh didn't even turn up. You were always my favourite anyway.

This guy! (LAUGHS)

Cheers mate, see you later. See you.

I think he just prefers me, I don't think he dislikes you.

You know a real friend wouldn't have told me that.

If somebody actually cared about my feelings-I'm scraping around

for things to tell you that aren't bad.

That is bad! I know, but I've got nothing left!

OK, well let's go mop this up then. I'll go and clear up your mess.

I like these little thumb holes in the arms.

(VO) We've been invited to join a press conference

with England goalkeeper Jordan Pickford,

but before we went in the deep end, the FA wanted Jordan to meet us.

My tip is, don't become obsessed

with making an impact on him, alright?

We're just having a quick chat. Say hello. How you gonna greet him?

Hey, HAP, what's up?! No! (LAUGHS) Absol-

Pickie? Pickford? Pickle? No...

(VO) If I needed confirmation Rob was going to be a liability

when Jordan arrived, he'd just given it to me.

This keeps getting smaller. Do you reckon it's the humidity?

It's this- Have you switched my jumper?

I think you're getting bigger with nerves.

Do you expand when you get nervous? I think I do!

I'm like wood in the heat.

What were you like at your GCSEs? Did you start getting massive?

I had massive tits at GCSE. Like the bloody chocolate factory.

You'll get rolled off by the oompa-loompas in a minute.

OK, here we go.

It's stressful. Hello mate. How you doing, you alright?

I'm Romesh. How's it going? Nice to meet you.

I saw you in training. Romesh didn't turn up.

Yeah. How are you? Yeah, good.

You've got a press conference shortly, haven't you, so um,

how do you feel about press conferences in general?

Not too bad. Bit nerve-wracking. I'd hate them.

They just try and catch you out with some stuff, but it's alright.

Jordan, we're going to ask a question in the press conference.

No, but we don't- We want to be on your side here,

you've lots of people trying to catch you out.

Is there anything you want brought up?

Yeah, like, "Why are you such a legend?"

Just something to tear you up. (OVERLAPPING) Or your performance?

Did you have a game that you thought was good?

You could be the two people in the background that make me crumble.

(ALL LAUGHING)

But is there, like, a game you want us to bring up

that you've played well in, or any run of clean sheets,

anything you've done well recently?

Doesn't have to be on the pitch, it can be something at home.

Trying to think. There must be something.

You've got a nice watch. Could say, "That's a nice watch, innit?"

(MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY) (LAUGHS)

What else could we bring up?

Um, Jordan, you're known for your charity work.

Are you? No, he doesn't. No. I do charity work, but...

Not as much as you should, really. ..I'm not known for it, no.

Say you're known for it, then people just assume that's true.

We've been playing decent the last few months.OK.

How's your form. OK, let's do that then.Alright.

So Jordan, you've been playing really decent the last few months.

How's that? Yeah? Yeah.Thank you so much man.

See you later! Thanks for your time, appreciate it.

Right, shall we watch the press conference?OK, let's go.

(VO) We'd locked in a question with Jordan.

He was happy, we were happy,

and the FA were probably relieved there would be no surprises.

REPORTER: Is it actually harder to play in an empty stadium?

The press conference had started so we just had to wait our turn

while Jordan answered questions from proper sports journalists.

Mentally, for me, it's just another game of football,

and you've got to be at your best, really.

And there were a LOT of questions.

I think I'm always improving, and I'm always getting better.

The nerves were starting to kick in,

but eventually, it was our turn.

MAN: The final question of the day will come from one of Rob or Romesh.

Uh, hello there, Jordan.

Romesh Ranganathan for Sky Max, formerly Sky 1,

for our showcase on NOW TV.

Just wondering, you've been playing so incredibly well

over the last few months, sort of, how's your form at the moment?

'Cause it has been breath-taking watching you.

Just unbelievable, hasn't it Rob? Yeah. Big time. Yeah.

It's been- It's been, um, it's definitely been good.

Um, it's been good for the last 18 months, but

definitely the last few games for Everton have put me in good stead

for the next four games coming up for the, uh, England.

Especially with all the charity work you're doing, as well,

it's difficult?

OK guys, we'll cut it there. Why did you say that?!

He wanted us to.He said NOT to say that!He said not to?!Yeah.

Oh, I thought he wanted me to say it!

(VO) Somehow, Rob had managed to ask Jordan the precise question

we'd agreed not to ask him.

As we made our way to the exit,

I was left wondering if the FA would let us near another player again.

(CROWD CHEERING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

(VO) The FA has given us

unparalleled access to the England team

in their build up to the World Cup.

But we haven't made the best first impression.

On the pitch...

..I've humiliated myself.

Nice to meet you, but it's one of the worst days of my life!

And despite my advice, Rob's attempt to befriend the players...

Especially with all the charity work you're doing, as well.

..had gone worse than my football skills.

Why did you say that?! He wanted us to say that.

He said NOT to say that. He said not to?!Yeah.

(VO) It's been four months since our visit to St George's Park.

After a LOT of negotiation,

the FA have agreed for us to meet another England star;

legendary right-back, Kyle Walker.

He'd invited us to Macclesfield, near Manchester, to meet him.

But he wanted to play a game that I'm even worse at than football...

We did the golf episode and I was subhuman.

Oh my-!

Kyle Walker is just going to look at me and go,

"Why would I even engage in direct conversation with you?!

"You're disgusting!"

(VO) Our ability wasn't our only problem, though.

We were also playing in a hurricane...

(WIND ROARING)

Fortunately, Kyle hadn't arrived yet,

so we could get some practice in.

Whew! Hit that ball!

Whoa!

Holey... shmoley!

Let me have a go! I think it's the club!

Maybe that's the secret.

(EXLCAIMS) Fuck! Maybe it's not the club...

(BOTH LAUGHING) Let me have another go. Let me see.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Are you winding me up?

Where did that one go?!

About 200, that.

Have you been playing golf? No!

I promise you, mate, I haven't!

I think it's just 'cause the rig is a little bit slimmer, you know?

Two effects of the weight loss.

Play a bit more golf, and I can see my dick now.

I don't know if I like this new Rom.

He's this new guy, he's all slim, like a wet otter.

Get loose!

Bit too loose! Bit tighter. (LAUGHING)

Wind her up.

You got this, you got this.

OK, my back hurts. (LAUGHING)

Stretch it out a bit. So wet.

I'm staring down the barrel of being

Romesh Ranganathan's fat little mate.

I don't like being in your double act anymore!

I like the dynamic this way, you know.

I much prefer it. I reckon we've got another few series in us.

I was thinking about quitting, but now I'm well into it.

Oh, my god! This is insane!

(VO) I was looking good, but Rob needed to get his act together fast

and unfortunately, he did, just as Kyle arrived.

Oh, Kyle Walker! That's handy that he came in on that one.

What a bit of timing that was! Did you see that happen?

Unbelievable. You alright mate? That's perfect.Hello, you alright?

(VO) The plan was to interview Kyle while we practiced our drives.

But first, we wanted to see what he had in his locker.

Whoa! Oh, Jesus! (EXCLAIMING)

(BOTH LAUGHING) What- What is that?!

Stop it, that's not normal!

(VO) By the sound of it, he was pretty decent.

I was hoping my newfound form hadn't deserted me...

That's actually not bad! I didn't expect that actually.

You like that shit, Kyle? Little bit of spice for you Kyle!

Romesh, we're supposed to- That's not how the show works!

That was alright, wasn't it? You have a go with that.OK.

Oh, no... We all know how this one will be. Rule of three.

Here I go... Fuck!

(LAUGHING)Jesus! Please say you've got that.

Shall we have a chat?Yeah. Yes, let's have a chat.

(VO) Kyle made his England debut against Spain in 2011.

Since then, he's earned 70 caps for his country.

Over the past 11 years, he's seen big changes in the team,

so he's the perfect person to give us a better insight

into the squad's evolution.

What's it like, 'cause, like, you've been with England

when England were struggling, people's belief wasn't there,

and then now the belief, almost, couldn't be higher.

How does that feel being inside the England camp with those changes?

Is it a massive difference for morale within the squad?

For me, to be there, and be there for that many years,

me and Henderson, to see the change is obviously good

because you feel like you're a part of that change.

But some of the younger lads don't know how lucky they are

to come into this environment. Yeah.

Because when I went in, no one spoke a word to you!

Go eat your food, go to training, go back to your bedroom.

That was it. Really?!Yeah.

So, in what regard? There was just no sort of team spirit,

it was quite workmanlike? I think the rivalry at club level

took over a little bit.

So you'd got, you know, all the London lads would stick together,

and then the northern boys would stick together.Yeah.

But, I mean, Gareth's come in and put his stamp on it.

I think Gareth is a great manager.

Do you have- Going into the World Cup,

do you genuinely take it a game at a time,

or have you got a target?

Where do you think England are going to go?

We've been drawn a good group.

We should piss it, right?

You said it, you said it. We should.

He'd have five minutes at the end. Let's not beat around the bush then.

We should get through! Yeah, alright.(LAUGHING)

I think we all agree on that! Now I'm going to get hammered.

(ALL LAUGHING)

You "should", not you will!

We should. On paper, we should get through.

Now after that, you take it a game at a time

because it's knock-out football. Anything can happen.

You have to have a little bit of luck.

I feel in the Euros, we did ride our luck a little bit.Yep.

But I think we played a lot of good football, so,

if we can stick to that standard I think we'll be alright.

So, is there any sort of, like, club rival?

Do your teammates make you hesitate at all?

Say for example, you're playing against Belgium,

de Bruyne is going for a goal,

do you take him out, or is it part of your thing as a mate..?

No, I'd take him out. I don't hurt him, I try not to hurt him.

No more so than normal! Yeah, but I'm taking him out.

Do you have any little, kind of, bits from those tournaments

that, when you come back to club football, somebody goes,

"What the hell do you think you're playing at?!"

You get it obviously a little bit.

I mean, not even talking about club football, but

I remember a game at Newcastle a couple of weeks back,

and Kieran Trippier took Kevin out.

But me, Kevin, Kieran and Pickford were playing computer together.

So when he took him out I thought "Oh god, Tripps, what you doing?!"

We play together! We're teammates!(LAUGHING)

We're not on the pitch, but on the pitch we're teammates!

You're getting a bit older and it might be last tournament

or two more tournaments or whatever,

you are known for your pace, your speed and you're absolutely rapid,

Is there anything at the back of your mind where you think

one day you won't be as quick?

You do one burst of pace and go, "Oh...

Are you trying to get in his head? I'm not trying to get in his head!

But like, I'm 36, I wake up and the back goes-He's a journalist!

A journalist!(ALL LAUGHING) He's after a story, right?

I'm not, I'm not! Just saying! It was gonna be a chilled out show.

Let's get in your head about your pace!

Not like Gary Neville losing pace, he never had any to start with!

Gary Neville, top guy. Great fullback.

Remember me on Sky Sports. Don't hammer me.(LAUGHING)

(VO) Just as I was thinking we had escaped the interview unscathed,

Rob had derailed us at the last minute.

Our best bet now was to get back to golf,

before he did any more damage.

OK, so we're doing closest to the pin wins.

Kyle, you wanna go first? Yeah, why not.

You're like a youtuber, well done! I know! Thank you.

Right, here we go. Let's do this.

Welcome to the Three Ball Challenge!

Kyle's up first! We're gonna see who gets closest to the pin!

Like and subscribe! Thumbs up!

ROMESH: The Three Ball Challenge.

The closest ball to this pin... wins.

And to make it even harder, we're playing in extreme weather.

ROB AND ROMESH: Oooh! KYLE: The grass!

I reckon I can beat you, Kyle. I believe it.

(ROMESH AND KYLE LAUGH)

With Rob out the game, Kyle's ball...

is the one to beat.

He ain't gonna win.

I've heard that all my life, guys.

I never let it get me down.

Oh!No way! Oh my gosh. (ROB AND KYLE LAUGH)

That's how you do it! # RUN D.M.C: It's Like That #

(ROB LAUGHS)

# It's like that... #

Looks like I won! Bit of a surprise.

Kyle's a bit disappointed. Rob's pretty pissed off.

All these times when Rob's been better than me

and he's been celebrating and cocky, I've always thought, "What a prick"

And now I understand why he was like that.

It feels good. Click here to watch a replay!

It feels good when somebody is worse than you at something. I've never experienced it before.

It feels good to rub it in their face.

Fuck you! He's shit!

Go, "Ha! How'd you like that, you're shit!" It feels good.

Guys, guys. Who won?

You won.You won.Yes!

Finally! (NERVOUS CHUCKLE)

Whoo!

So, The Ball Challenge ends with my ball 7ft from the pin,

and Kyle's 12ft from the pin.

And Rob's wasn't even worth measuring.

Well done.Thanks.Well done. Thanks, mate. Cheers.

It wasn't the most stylish of wins. No.

Cheers, Kyle. Thank you.

See you later, mate. Cheers, mate. See ya. Bye-bye.

I felt a bit bad beating Kyle in such an underwhelming way.

But, given that he's a multi-time Premiere League winner,

and England International... Cheers, guys. Thanks again. Cheers, mate. Nice one.

..I imagine he's not gonna lose any sleep

over my Three Ball Challenge victory.

D'you know what, you're good at golf, aren't you?

No, I'm not, am I?

Well, you were pinging it and then you won the challenge.

Well, I would say that is classic Romesh

to win the challenge in the most embarrassing way possible,

which is dribbling the ball...

Are we talking in third person, are we?What?

That is classic ME, sorry... Thank you.

It's classic me... Dribbled it into the hole.

Dribbled it into the hole, yeah.

I would say, if I was giving this day a score out of ten...

Yeah? ..I'd go eight

'cause I won the challenge... You did great.

..we played some good golf,

I'm knocking off two marks for the shit weather-

D'you know what? I'm really excited.

I think we're going to do well in the World Cup.

The team spirit is strong, the group's easy...

We're gonna win the World Cup! D'you know what I think?

We are gonna win- sorry, I can see a Union Jack in the distance.

We're gonna win the World Cup. OK, but...

you probably should be looking at an England flag.

I'm focusing on the red bit in the middle.

It's the Union Jack- We're gonna win the World Cup!

You can't look at the Union Jack and say we're gonna win the World Cup.

It's so inappropriate to do that.

# The Lightning Seeds: Three Lions # (ROB SINGS) 30 years of hurt

Never stop me dreaming...

I feel like I'm in every racist pub I've ever been in.

(LAUGHS) But you're in MY racist pub.

(BOTH LAUGH) And you're one of the good ones.

He's alright! Nobody touches this one!

He's alright, actually. He's alright.

Yeah. Na, na, he'll have a pie and chips as well, yeah.

(ASIAN ACCENT) Actually, I do support England.Woah, boy!

Keep that... Keep that there.

(BOTH LAUGH)

# It's coming

# Football's coming home... #

We're gonna win the World Cup!

We're gonna win the World Cup.Yes!

(CHEERING)

(CHEERING)

We've spent the last six months with the England team.

Hello, mate. I've had the best day of my life

when I got to train with them.Ooh!

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE) Thank you very much.

And Rom's had his worst.

I think they're gonna leave in a minute.

We've interviewed Kyle Walker, who revealed his thoughts

on what's made England world class again.

Gareth, he's come in and put his stamp on it.

I think Gareth's a great manager.

So, we needed to speak to the man who's turned England round,

Gareth Southgate.

The call came from the F.A just weeks before the World Cup.

We'd been offered the chance to interview Gareth

back at St. George's Park

but, I was gonna have to go solo.

If this was the first thing that we were doing with the England team,

and the date that we're interviewing Gareth Southgate

coincided with Rob being on holiday,

obviously I'd be delighted, but I'd think it was a coincidence.

Unfortunately, I think it was very unlikely it was a coincidence.

Gareth Southgate has had a 30 second meeting with Rob Beckett

and thought, "I hope he's on holiday when I chat to those guys."

I can't believe that's your grass! Yeah.

That shouldn't be the main thing I'm worried about, but yeah.

So, I'm disappointed for Rob

but delighted for myself, Gareth Southgate and English football.

As Rob's last interaction with Gareth had been awkward,

to say the least,

I wanted to make sure my time with him was as relaxed as possible.

So, I'd arranged for us to meet at the St. George's Park canteen

and we couldn't have got off to a better start.

How you doing? Nice to meet you. I'm good. How are you? I'm very good, thank you.

Obviously, I know you're a man of Crawley.

I am, yeah. I need to talk to you about this...OK.

..because I am basically every Crawley charity's reject...

(LAUGHS) ..after they've heard back from you.

Not after Chico? (LAUGHS)

Can I interest you in a... I'd love a cappuccino.

Cappuccino? Fine, I'll give it a- This is quite nerve-wracking.

Produce my beverage. Very good.

You have to do this yourself, normally?

No, I have people to do things like this for me.

I order people around all day, get them to-

I'd heard that about you. (LAUGHS)

There you go!Thank you. Just how you like it.

Mr Southgate, let's go. Lovely. Thank you. Cool.

I was about to interview the England manager.

It was dream come true stuff, and the icing on the cake...

Gareth didn't seem bothered in the slightest

that Rob was missing.

I did meet your mate out on the pitch.

Yeah. What did you think of him?

Erm, honestly? Yeah, be honest, please.

A bit thirsty? (LAUGHS)

Well, he started talking to me about the grass

which was a bit bizarre, really. Yeah, he told me about that.

Yeah.Well, thanks so much for doing this.

I guess what I want to know is...

when you started, from my experience as a fan,

we've gone from feeling 'let's just see what England do,'

expectations have been lowered by

let's call it disappointment or whatever,

to now, where we're going into the World Cup

where you must be aware of the fact that

you know, people are excited.

It's, like, part of some sort of well orchestrated thing.

I think we definitely wanted that feeling that you're talking about

where people are excited about England again.Yeah.

To be able to bring happiness,

to see your mate lying in the road eating whatever he was eating.

Yeah. I mean, that was shameful. (LAUGHS)

Well, our hooligan element has often disgraced us, haven't they,

and here's a prime example of what can happen...

(BOTH LAUGH)

..when English football fans are at their very worst.

It's the ugly side of football fans, isn't it?Yeah, yeah.

Well, I can't comment on his inappearance,

but, yeah, you know, so... (LAUGHTER)

We talked to Kyle Walker and he put a lot of credit down to your

management and how you deal with players.

What do you do during downtime? Are you conscious of the...

experience that they've got to have outside of games?

What do you do towards that?

Yeah, some of our staff are very good at thinking ahead to,

"OK, we can have different food nights"

and, of course, because we're the England team,

we do get a few privileges. So, during the Euros,

Ed Sheeran came in for a night, played for the lads

behind closed doors. I heard about that.

Didn't Declan Rice do a duet with him?

Well, you could call it that, yeah. (ROMESH LAUGHS)

At a stretch, you could call it a duet, yeah.

And they actually, we had a preview of the Tom Cruise film,

Maverick. Right, yeah.

It was about 8-9 months- I mean, I don't...

I'm watching- At that point I'm watching

Ukraine against whoever, preparing for the quarter finals.

Is that what you've got to say officially?

Yeah, yeah. I was in with the popcorn. Yeah.

So, there's enough pressure anyway with playing for England,

so it's got to be relaxed when we're around the camp.

It's making it as enjoyable as we can, really.Right.

Your strategy, you've talked about what you were thinking about,

when you came to take on England

and I guess your strategy was to make the England camp feel positive,

get people behind England, make the player feel supported

and of course, obviously...

make the waistcoat an iconic piece of clothing.(LAUGHS)

That was always part of the plan, right?

It was pretty high up the list, yeah.

You were either really surprised that happened

or you were thinking, "They're not ready for this."

I'm gonna rock this waistcoat and make it a thing.

Like, how conscious were you

of the fact that you'd basically created movement?

It was bizarre because when I started

playing football at Crystal Palace

I turned up in my school uniform on the first day.

So, for 25 years they used to rip me to pieces

for my dress sense. Right.

And now, all of a sudden, I'm on the front page of the newspapers

as this style icon... (LAUGHS)

..which, when you've got a face like mine, hasn't been something

that's been offered towards you- You and me both, my brother.

(BOTH LAUGH)

So, I only wore it because it was going to be too hot

for the jacket. Yeah, sure.

So I thought, I'll have sweaty pits on my light blue shirt.

So, what have you done with the waistcoat now, then?

Well, we actually had two. Right.

They kindly gave me a change of suit

just in case the dry cleaning wasn't up to scratch

when we were away. So, one we gave to charity

and one is still at home.

You put it on on special nights, yeah?(LAUGHS)

What me and my wife do is none of your business, really.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Going into the World Cup, what are you- I mean...

does it make it more difficult that there is expectation now?

I'd say this World Cup's quite open.

There's probably 8 or 9 teams that could win it.

Right. I think we're in that group.

We've got belief in the team and also the team...

when we started were lacking confidence

because we hadn't won a knock-out game for ten years

so we said look, let's have a target

of getting through a knock-out game

and one or two of them said, well, we should be going to win it,

and we said, hang on a minute, let's try just winning one

first shall we, before we go too far.Yeah.

Now, of course, if we said we only want to win one knock-out game

they'd all walk out the room because that's not going to excite them.

They want the belief that we can win this, and we can.

So, we know how difficult that is

and how complicated that is,

but that's what drives us now.

Are you aware of how exciting hearing you say that is?

Like, as a football fan, it's going, "We can."

And you just go, "Yes!" (LAUGHS)

It's been such a privilege to talk to you.

Thank you so much for your time.

Er, come on England!

Thank you so much. Thank you.

What a feeling!

I just sat down with the England manager

we chatted, laughed,

and got onto the prospect of England winning the World Cup.

But best of all...

the highlight was Gareth Southgate

thinking Rob's a hooligan.

And saying that he represents the ugly side...

of England's supporters. And I've always thought that,

but to get that from the England manager,

the MANAGER of England

thinks you're a horrible little thug

eating chicken in the street like an animal.

What a result. That's better than England winning the World Cup!

A week later, Rob was back in the country.

Cheers, mate.

And after my chat with Gareth,

I was looking forward to bringing him up to speed.

I'll get these ones. Well, yeah. You're here now.

You didn't offer, did ya? But it's fine.

What are you trying to get at? I'm just saying.

I'll buy you the next one. We'll probably just have one and go.

That's what normally happens. I've missed you.

I had a great holiday. Oh, I didn't ask you that.

How was Gareth Southgate?

So, the interview was good.

I was asking him about, like, during the last two tournaments

did he feel the increase in the country getting behind him

and how he sort of revitalised the England support in this country.

And he said, yeah it's really good to see the support

but occasionally you see people on the street eating chicken

and you realise there still is a hooligan element.

That's how her referred to you.

I don't think that's a hooligan element, I'm not-

No, you won't. Hooligans never do. I think...

there's a real difference between

me eating chicken by a bin

and shoving a flare up my arse. Correct.

And that is about half an hour and two beers.

Yeah. (WHEEZES)

If Lou hadn't of said, "I think you should come home now-

you would've had a flare up your arse.

Genuinely, if I hadn't found an outlet in comedy

I would have been on Wembley Road with a flare up my arse.

And I think you'd have been so pissed you'd have it the other way.

Yeah. I'd have lit it and put it in that way

and go, "Warm me up, mummy." (LAUGHS)

"It's time to win the Euros."

I can feel England pride inside! Yeah. (BOTH LAUGH)

I bleed red and white.

# NEIL DIAMOND: Sweet Caroline # You know what...

what's wrong with enjoying yourself? Yeah, absolutely right. Yeah.

But, what I would say, although Gareth and I got on,

I think it's fair to say,

the actual England squad much prefer you.

Really?Even despite the shit chat you gave them when you met them,

I think when they saw you actually training...

Some footballers may not get on personality-wise

but they respect you on the pitch. Exactly.

And I think I've got the ability- This is why I don't say

nice things to you, do you know what I mean?

I did an embarrassing thing at the end of the Southgate interview.

What did you do?I wanted to give the end of the interview a moment

Oh... Let me show you what happened.

So, Gareth, on behalf of all England fans

I just want to say thank you so much.

It's been a real honour to meet you.

(QUIETLY) Come on England!

I know. That's awful!

I wanted it to be, like, (SHOUTS) Come on England!

but I bottled it. I think that would be weird as well.

I just wanted to show enthusiasm and I was actually an England fan.

Yeah, you shouldn't have done that. Too late now.It's happened now.

Anyway, it's been a great episode.

Thanks.

(QUIETLY) Come on England! (LAUGHS)

# NEIL DIAMOND: Sweet Caroline #

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