Original subtitles

Floyd saw him nix it,

- you're saying? - Yes.

Okay. Well... Why did he go to the pool the next day,

in the very early morning, if no one was gonna be there?

I don't know.

Name. Tiger Tiger's name.

I don't have his name. It was a no-name scenario, he said.

Yeah, that's... that's...

that's really convenient for you.

There's no way I can find him

and get him to attest to any of this bullshit.

How can I find this guy, Clark, to verify your story?

You know anything about him? Any details?

- He's on DTF. - Tiger Tiger?

Well, no. As himself.

He had a vous.

A rendezvous at a roller rink.

- Local, here? - Yeah.

"No one's normal. Just looks like that from across the street." That guy.

- He said that, too. - Said what?

He said that sentence to me. Tiger Tiger. I remember.

Carol Smernitch. Go interview her about the second bike.

I signed your clearance.

I'm gonna go talk to Modern Love.

The day before Floyd Smernitch was killed

and visited by someone on a bicycle

like this,

you recovered this bicycle,

of Clark Forrest's,

from the Twyla Bicycle Shop.

Why?

Can you speak up?

You heard me.

My son wanted to ride that bicycle to school,

for his first day at a new school.

He thought it was cool, even though it's not.

But that's what he thought,

and that's what he wanted to do. So...

I paid all that sprocket money, and yeah.

The morning.

That early morning

when Floyd was at the Kevin Kline,

in the pool shed,

where were you?

On the morning of November 8th,

that's the day before Floyd Smernitch was discovered dead,

you had a DTF encounter.

Yes, I had a DTF encounter the morning before.

Where was that encounter?

Here.

I had a roller-skating scenario that I wanted to explore.

And you made that arrangement with someone on DTF?

Couples skate was the...

thing. Just rolling and holding hands. That was my...

- Rolling and holding hands? - Yeah.

Uh-huh. So, you arranged to m--

Was it a man you were...?

Yeah, it could've been a woman, but roller-skating aptitude was...

part of the thing, and only a man answered.

How did that work?

Just... like...

we had the rink to ourselves,

and we rolled around holding hands.

- Holding hands? - It's a pretty common thing.

Like, your dad takes your hand when you cross the street

or enter a haunted house to make you feel safe, you know?

And you do it on dates.

There's a thrill

at the beginning.

And years can go by without that now.

- Without holding hands? - It's a nice feeling.

When was the last time you did it?

My...

My wife.

Yeah, I guess. Years ago.

It's a very positive one.

Like, you don't really end anymore where you used to.

You just keep on going.

You did this with a man that morning, November 8th?

Yes.

Did you talk to this man?

Yeah, plenty.

Kevin.

From Chicago.

He was visiting from Chicago?

Yeah, he was in town for a couple of days.

Do you have his full name?

Kevin...

Van Der Lonse.

S... E.

Where were you between 4:30 and 5:00 a.m., then?

Beside my son.

He had had a rough night.

I slept in a chair in there, in his room.

Beside my son.

I just have one last question.

What happened to Mr. Smernitch's penis?

We've heard accounts of the day of the trauma.

Cars, a motorcycle.

But those events weren't--

Right, that's a day...

That's a day that I don't like to think about.

And it--

You don't need to know.

Floyd wasn't killed because he had a crooked dick.

So, thank you for asking, but no.

Our lives were changed that day and not because of dick reasons.

Okay. That's fine.

We learned the husband, he knew.

He knew about the affair his wife was having with Forrest.

Yeah, then he threatened Forrest. Then he was killed.

- That's motive. - No, no.

He knew about the affair in the sense that...

in the sense that...

he would watch.

The husband, we learned.

- Watch what? - The affair.

From the closet.

He was a part of it.

I mean, that was a part of it.

They were all consenting.

That's... Really?

The other guy?

He watched too.

It was a thing. Just all of them, you know.

What are you saying, Detective?

The case was sound.

- It's less sound the more I... - The more you believe him.

Yeah.

Well, I don't believe him.

Forrest gets a prescription for Amphezyne, yeah?

To help some other guy fuck his girlfriend?

Have you ever done a favor for a friend like that?

I have not. No.

There's another bike.

The wife had it.

She has a record.

We're trying to determine for what.

Tiger Tiger, that meetup? I found him.

What if he corroborates?

Corroborates the weatherman's story?

Yeah.

Then I'm listening.

I think I can prove Forrest didn't do it.

Tiger Tiger.

I think I can prove Carol didn't do it.

Stephen Queece.

Kevin Van Der Lonse?

Are you Kevin Van Der Lonse?

Yeah.

They want you.

Kevin.

Did Clark Forrest hire you to come to St. Louis

and pretend to be a Tiger Tiger

to meet a man at the Kevin Kline Junior Pools

early November?

Yes.

But...

But I see him the day before, the sign language guy.

Nice face. Okay, great.

Just, the whole package wasn't my kind of--

wasn't my kind of package.

Older than like--

Not real together, so...

And I know that sounds harsh, but...

I didn't wanna go there and disappoint everyone.

You know, make him feel worse.

Because the other guy said that he had been feeling like...

like sad for a while.

So, I just left.

You never went to that meeting?

At the pools?

No.

I left the day before.

And Clark Forrest never asked you to show up

and bring a Bloody Mary with you, or anything like that?

You know, give this guy a drink, or anything like that?

No. Clark just wanted me to come and be around his friend.

And if I got aroused, hey, all right.

He said that would be great for the other guy,

in terms of his feelings and stuff.

If it so happened.

But... you know, it wasn't gonna so happen,

so... so I left.

Why did he go?

- To the pools? - Yeah.

Because I called it off.

So why did he still go?

Tiger Tiger, man...

I just don't know.

I'm sorry about the nix.

This is a good idea.

Just get out and have some fun.

Yeah.

Tough week.

Yeah.

I don't really wanna shoot you with a paintball gun, though.

You know, I don't-- I don't really wanna shoot you either.

Maybe we just...

sit in the forest and talk?

- Cool. Yeah. - Cool.

Yeah, you kind of gotta use your weight to guide it a little bit.

- That's good. - Yeah, it's cool.

I don't know, is it?

Yeah. I mean, it's a cool bike.

If I ride it to school,

it's my first day at Washington, they'll think I'm cool.

You sure you think it's a cool bike?

Because maybe it's not.

Yeah. Floyd rides it.

Mr. Forrest. It's really cool. It's low. I mean...

Yeah, I don't know if that makes it cool.

How 'bout I just drive you for your first day?

Nah, I'm gonna take this bike.

Okay.

Well, maybe just give it a little thought.

Whoa.

You know, my job is stupid.

Your job... is important,

and you should feel good about yourself.

Your job is not stupid.

I hold the sun in my hand on billboards.

It's embarrassing.

You can't hold the sun in your hand.

Yeah, it would be hot.

Yeah.

Your job...

It's one of the things I started liking about you,

you're so good at it,

you know, you connect to people.

You tell people when it's gonna rain.

They need that on a day-to-day basis.

I'm just a face.

You're a heart, so come on.

Bye. Have fun at school.

Hey, ump money, you're coming with me

Today's the fuckin' day We get a new furniture set

More grown up and bedding and shit

For Richard's room

Fuck yeah

I wanna matter to someone, I guess.

You matter. You matter to your girls. You matter to Eimy.

Yeah. I do.

I'm going to sound like a jerk saying this,

'cause who am I to say this?

But...

You know, I've mattered to them for 12 straight years, and...

I don't know.

I wanna matter to someone else... also.

I guess.

That's middle age talking.

That thing with Carol this summer,

I think...

I wanted to matter to someone again, so...

Shit cost a little more than I thought

But I got some really good shit here

She worked so hard getting me ready for that test.

You talking about the financial thing?

Yeah, she was-- Yeah, she even made flashcards

for the math that I didn't know.

And we worked on it together for, like, over a year.

And then, finally, we get there, and it's like,

"I don't wanna do this anymore. I just want to sign."

- Signing's important. - Yeah.

I could feel it.

It was like this tornado just came down

and was like-- swept up all the sexy,

cool, fun stuff between us, and it just...

took it up in the air, took it away

when I told her.

We met during a tornado.

Yeah, that tornado...

that's when you started to tell me the story about your penis,

and you never finished that.

Oh, yeah? My penis story? Where did I leave off?

There was that thing with the car.

Yeah, you said that, and then the motorcycle

almost hit your dick, but it didn't.

Yeah. No.

And then I came home, and I told Carol

that we'd always have to struggle.

Always.

Like... always.

Marry me,

always struggle.

That's what I said. I mean, might as well have been.

Yeah, and she cried.

Yeah, Richard saw that. That was that day.

Yeah, except what happened to your penis?

We just went to bed, and then...

Richard came in and hit me in the dick with a baseball bat.

Poor kid.

I feel so bad for him. I mean...

I made his mom cry. He was so young.

He didn't know what was going on, and I made his mom cry.

And he just... I don't know. I mean, I just...

I just love that kid so much.

And...

he needs his mom, and I-- I hurt her.

And it's just my dick. I mean, it's not like I...

needed that for anything for like six years, seven years.

- That's middle age talking. - Yeah.

Same boat, you and me.

Summer's over, feels like.

Yeah. All I got to show for it is a little color on my run.

You know, Floyd...

I don't know, what-- what if you...

What if you go to the Kevin Kline pools in the morning...

just like the plan?

- The Tiger Tiger plan? - Yeah.

And there would...

There'd be like a surprise there.

Be a reason. You know, a good reason.

- Tomorrow morning? - Mm-hmm.

I go and there's, like, a surprise for me there or something?

I don't know. That sounds kind of exciting.

It sounds kind of fun. I don't know. I guess...

I don't know, I guess.

I don't know.

Bring your Playgirl spread.

Should I be ready for anything? Should I bring my curve cocktail?

You be ready for anything.

I gotta tell Carol I'm going out of town.

I mean, I can't leave at 3:30 in the morning.

Stay at the Quality Garden. Use my account.

Cool.

Wait, what? What?

What? This is so cool.

What? Oh, my gosh.

What?

- I did that one. - What? This is so cool.

- Oh, my gosh. - Good one, Carol Love.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh.

So cool. Thank you.

Where is it you said you were going again?

- I don't remember you telling me. - Jeff City.

It's the governor's presser. I'm signing it tomorrow morning.

It's about voting or something important.

Well, be careful driving.

Okay.

- Bye, Carol Love. - Bye, sweetie.

Hey, you going to sweep something up?

Richard?

All right. Richard, what is wrong?

No! Don't tell Floyd! Don't tell Floyd!

I'm not going to. I'm not going to.

- What is wrong? - Don't tell him!

Don't! Don't tell him!

- Don't tell him! - I won't. It's okay. It's okay, honey.

He's doing better. He's calmed.

He's calm now.

I'm worried. Is he gonna hurt himself?

Let's keep him here for a little bit, a few hours.

We'll see how the diazepam worked.

He's had events like this?

Yeah.

Okay. Was there a trigger tonight?

We had a good day.

Nothing provoked this? Tonight?

We had a really good day, and the night was just normal.

Okay. Well, we'll check on him in a little bit then.

Okay.

Are you tired?

We'll get home and get right to bed, okay?

Get some sleep, okay?

We don't have to figure anything out.

We can figure it out tomorrow, okay?

Good night. I love you.

Okay.

Hey. I love you.

Yeah, I heard you.

Stephen Queece?

So, how you spelling that, Queece?

- Spelling what? - "Queece."

Q-U-E-E-C-E. Queece.

Queece, you do a few things in Twyla, hmm?

Primarily, I'm a student.

But you're also...

president of the Umpires Association of St. Louis County?

- Yes. - How old are you?

I'm 15 years of age.

Stephen, did you place this item in the mailbox of the Smernitch home?

It's an award.

Umpire of the Year.

It's a certificate of that.

Yeah, there's no stamp.

Did you put this award in the Smernitch mailbox on November 8th?

I don't remember the date.

Well, we retrieved it.

We collected it and impounded it on the morning of November 9th, so...

Then it was that morning.

- The 9th? - Yeah.

'Cause I put it in the mailbox in the morning on my paper route.

You're a paper boy?

Paper person.

And I placed it in the mailbox of the Smernitch home

on that morning on my paper person route.

How early would that have been?

- Pretty early. - Like... specifically?

Specifically, that would have been

between about 4:30 a.m. and 5:00-ish a.m.

And why didn't you mail it?

It's Umpire of the Year.

I walk past the Smernitch home on my paper person route,

and I thought Carol would be really happy to receive the award.

For Umpire of the Year.

She's...

Carol's umpiring,

that was a real uphill battle.

At the beginning of umpiring baseball,

I don't think Carol knew what, like,

balls and strikes were.

And Carol had good and bad days.

Where is field two?

She wasn't, like, totally perfect.

But, mostly, she was pretty great.

She would stay sometimes to learn about the game.

And when I award someone the award for Umpire of the Year,

it's on the basis of how that umpire takes care of the kids.

Ball four.

Take your base.

And Carol fudged a lot for the kids who struggled.

Strike three. Batter out.

And most of the time, if you struck out...

Hey.

...she'd send you out with a pat on the back.

You'll get him next time. Chin up, Ramirez.

It's all part of being Umpire of the Year.

And that's why this year

that award went to Carol Smernitch.

And she was there.

She was in the chair there.

And I was like... Usually, when I approach a home,

the lights are off.

No one's there.

But-- But the lights were on.

When you approach a home as a paper person, right?

- Yeah. - Okay.

I don't approach homes otherwise.

And you placed this award in her mailbox then,

the morning of November 9th?

If that's when you found it, yes.

Between 4:30 a.m. and 5:00 a.m.,

you saw her then?

That's my paper person window, yes.

You saw Carol Smernitch there, in the chair,

right there, during that time frame?

Why is that so important?

Because that's when her husband...

That's when he was dying.

She was asleep.

Okay, Queece. Thank you.

- That is all? - That is all.

You run a nice baseball association...

umpire thing.

Just keep up the good work.

Her sealed conviction.

Shoplifting toilet paper when she was a child.

She just grew up poor.

Never hurt anyone.

Tiger Tiger's gonna come to court

and say Forrest didn't do it.

Queece will come in and say she didn't either.

What did we just do?

Did we just team up

to not solve a murder?

What's your position

with the district attorney going to be, Detective Homer?

That you can now put a witness up to corroborate Mr. Forrest's account.

Tiger Tiger.

I'm gonna tell Bob Dalt that I wouldn't make this arrest today, that...

I believe Clark Forrest's account

of the events of the past summer are...

largely true.

Clark.

They're going to drop your case.

That's why I'm here.

I'm obligated to inform the defendant first.

Any new evidence going into the record, you first.

And you're free.

Well, you're going to be free next week, most likely.

And then there'll be a new case when we can prove...

Not me.

When somebody, someday, can prove who that was that rode all the way

up there on that bicycle

and was with Floyd Smernitch when he was killed.

Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, that was me.

At the Kevin Kline pools.

Yeah, that was me.

I rode there on my bicycle.

I thought I could give him something he seemed to need.

Hey. Okay?

Okay. Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

What's that?

It's Amphezyne.

I poured it in here.

I didn't wanna be presumptuous and take it in front of someone.

You have to take it late.

Yeah. Did you just take some? Take a safe amount?

Yeah. I took the other boner medication earlier.

What are you doing here, man?

Well, I'm just...

I'm just gonna go for it, in terms of just...

just saying things to you, you know...

my friendship feelings.

Pretty complex.

Yeah.

I admire you.

Same.

You're full of love.

And, like...

comedy, you know, between us.

- There's a lot. - A lot-lot.

Yeah.

And...

I feel... safe.

You know, and it's...

I don't know, with you.

You know, you Frenched that guy so you don't hurt his feelings?

You know, come on. I mean...

Is that the Playgirl? Can I see that?

This is...

It's cool, you know?

Slender. Okay.

But hey, I...

I don't feel safe with this guy.

I feel safe with this guy, from the cyclone and right now.

So...

meat on the bones is okay?

I've been trying for less meat.

Or try just...

loving yourself,

like I do.

Like you love yourself?

No.

Like I love you.

You know, with...

complex...

Complex what?

Complex feelings. I don't know.

I just think you should love yourself, man.

Do you love yourself, man?

Not lately. No.

Why?

What don't you love about yourself?

Like, my legs.

Yeah, you always wear sweatpants to the gym.

I don't even really know what your legs look like.

Yeah, not my favorite part of...

Yeah, for me, it would be my mid-area.

Like...

Like, my lats.

They kind of like dead end.

You know?

Like, I don't have, like, a nice line like you,

like you do.

My lats?

Yeah, you have a nice lat line.

It's like I notice it when you wear that V-neck,

gray pocket tee you wear to the gym sometimes.

Like, come. Let me show you.

Like, you have a-- you have a nice line. Like your--

your lat line goes right down across your RC.

- RC? - Yeah, your rib cage.

It goes-- goes all the way down, like, almost past--

Yeah, like all the way down past your RC.

That's like a feature of, you know...

classical-- like beautiful classical sculptures.

That was called a long body.

I don't have that. Mine's like... stout.

Strong.

You think it's in your head

that you...

that you don't like your legs?

Yeah, they were pretty skinny when I was a kid.

Yeah, I get it.

I mean, you-- your legs fill out in middle age.

Like here, let me... Like, let me show you.

Like, in this picture.

Yeah, this one where I'm dealing with the skeletons.

Like, you see how my legs are tapered there

and they're, like, less stout?

Whereas, like, now,

like, they've grown.

And so...

it's like...

a much bigger...

- a much bigger base. - Yeah.

- Yeah. Yeah, that's... - See?

- Stout. - Yeah.

- That's better. - Like a bigger base.

I can see that. That's better. That's a...

Yeah. That's a better base.

Do you think it's...

It's just you think they're skinny

'cause of all those painful years of you as a kid?

'Cause I think you've got a... a nice base, man.

You think...

You think that maybe it's just in my head?

Yeah.

Yeah, come on!

Yes. All in your head.

Thanks.

Thanks. You know, you did some really nice sculpting

over the summer. I think...

I think...

I think Tiger Tiger's crazy.

Yeah, I think...

I think Carol's crazy.

Crazy? How?

We're having fun now.

Fun in the forest.

I...

I put that swing set next to the fence

'cause there's a woman over there

that makes me feel a certain feeling.

And... I look over there to,

you know, see what I might be missing.

And... there's a...

there's a guy over there, too.

I dunno. He's got this certain vitality that I like.

I like... I like to look at.

And maybe I... maybe I want his easy life.

You know, he-- they don't have kids, and... But...

maybe I like just looking at him.

I don't know.

It's been a really confusing summer.

So, what did you want to give him, Clark,

that you thought he needed?

An arousal.

You know, for you...

you had that thing happen with Carol.

And what I want to tell you is,

what if I had a different reaction to you?

Like...

if you danced and I didn't, and I just stood here

and I watched you,

and I... and I had a reaction.

How would that make you feel?

Good.

Not complex, or...

We can just start with good.

I haven't felt good in so long.

If you wanna sit there and feel your feelings,

it'll make me happy, okay?

No biggie.

- No biggie? - No, no biggie.

Floyd, can you stop the music?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I think I'm...

I think I'm just...

I'm fucking lonely, man.

I think I'm just...

just lonely as shit.

- I'm so sorry. - Hey, no. It's okay.

It's okay, it's okay.

- I'm so sorry. - Hey, hey, it's okay.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I don't know what I'm doing in here.

I don't know what I'm doing in life.

I think I fucked everything up this summer.

It's okay.

And I don't-- I don't have any of those feelings.

I'm so sorry.

I know. You're safe.

You're with me.

Yeah, that's about when he said he left.

On his way from the pool house.

Makes his way east, just like he said.

Nothing unusual, next.

Monitor D, again.

Pause.

Pause B.

Go in.

Same on D.

Those are two different bikes.

That's the one from the bike shop.

They're both within blocks of the pool house.

Both bikes were out there that morning.

My son wanted to ride that bicycle to school.

It's the boy.

There was trouble with him that night.

He had a good day.

Do you like the sheets?

Yeah, Pteranodon. I love them.

I thought you should have a few new things for your room.

Thanks, Mom.

Okay. Good night. I love you.

I love you too.

And then there was violence out of nowhere.

There was, just from the boy.

Call up Floyd Smernitch's log from his laptop,

from his last night, please.

There was a worksheet. I remember a worksheet.

It was open.

What time did Carol say the kid had his episode?

They arrived at the hospital at 8:22.

This worksheet was closed at 7:53.

What's the importance?

He was looking at this. He closed this.

He sees this.

DTF St. Louis.

He saw it.

Why did you pick this place to talk?

I don't know.

I don't know a lot of places.

I knew this place.

You're in no trouble. None.

I want to start there, okay?

So, you rode a bicycle, one of Mr. Forrest's,

to the pools,

the pools they were shutting down for the autumn,

very early in the morning.

- Why? - To tell Floyd.

I told him he was a fat asshole.

He was cheating on my mom. He was a liar.

He was a fat asshole and no one loves him.

Okay, okay. It's okay.

It's okay.

And you saw him there?

Yeah.

Dancing with Mr. Forrest.

In his underwear.

With Mr. Forrest.

Okay. It's okay.

Can we move over there?

We can move anywhere you want.

Did you speak to Floyd that night?

After Mr. Forrest left.

What did Mr. Smernitch say

when you said those things to him at the window?

Floyd didn't...

Floyd didn't say anything.

He just looked at me.

He didn't care.

How do you know he didn't care?

Because when I started to leave,

he knocked on the window so I would turn back.

Did you turn back?

Yeah.

And what did Floyd do?

He told me to rock on.

And just stood there in his underwear,

staring at me, getting drunk.

- "Rock on"? - Yeah, he...

He went like this,

through the window.

Well, how do you know he was getting drunk?

Because he just drank the whole thing that he had while he was looking at me.

Okay.

Is this what he was drinking?

Yeah. He...

He drank the whole thing.

Right there in his underwear.

That's not what that means.

This doesn't mean "rock on."

Well, what does it mean?

It means "I love you."

- Wanna see something cool? - Yeah.

If you just start doing it every day...

then you could do it every day.

That is cool.

Yeah, that's cool.

Yeah, it is.

I thought it was a British TV network, BBC,

but you're saying it's also...

- Big Black Cock. - Yeah. Okay.

Well, you got your DTF, your BBC.

SPH.

What's that?

Small Penis Humiliation.

How does that work?

That works where men like to be taunted about their small dicks.

- They like that? - They love it.

Yeah.

That's what's going on behind all these closed doors.

Cucking, cosplay, nut kicking.

- Nut kicking? - Right in the nuts, yeah.

Okay.

Who-- Who gets enjoyment out of that?

The kicker or the nut man?

The nut man.

I don't get it. I don't get it. I...

Boy, I fucked this up.

Man. Just I...

I like boobs, okay?

I like boobs and I like butts.

I hope that's okay to say.

Yes, that's okay to say.

Okay.

You like something else.

I do?

No, no, no.

- Just boobs and butts. - Yeah.

You have something else.

I know it. Everyone does.

Okay.

Yeah? Come on.

I like, if the setting is right...

I like bras a little bit.

The nice lace, nice lighting.

It can be fetching. A nice bra.

- A nice bra? - Yeah.

Oh, my God.

You're so normal you're weird.

Okay.

Good job, Detective.

Thanks, Homer.

Nice bra. Oh, my God.

So... So the nut man really likes it?

The nut man really loves it.

Okay.