Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,571 --> 00:00:06,271
? Good morning, U.S.A. ?
2
00:00:06,307 --> 00:00:09,975
? I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ?
3
00:00:10,011 --> 00:00:13,112
? The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ?
4
00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:16,715
? And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ?
5
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:22,788
? Oh, boy, it's swell to say ?
6
00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:25,224
? Good - ?
? Good morning, U.S.A. ?
7
00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:26,309
Aah!
8
00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:30,662
? Good morning, U.S.A. ?
9
00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:32,331
[ Belt cracks, clatter ]
10
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:34,600
You are cool.
11
00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:36,335
Cool as a cucumber.
12
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:39,571
A cucumber doesn't want.
It doesn't fear.
13
00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:41,407
It just is.
14
00:00:41,442 --> 00:00:42,522
Everyone, come quick.
15
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,209
Steve is doing something.
16
00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:47,075
I'm psyching myself up
for the Langley Church Carnival.
17
00:00:47,076 --> 00:00:48,381
Take this with a grain
of salt.
18
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:49,749
Because I've never been
to this fair.
19
00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:50,784
And this is the first
I'm hearing of it.
20
00:00:50,785 --> 00:00:52,484
You're not ready.
21
00:00:52,485 --> 00:00:55,255
The church carnival closes
the summer social calendar.
22
00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:57,089
It's a chance
to reinvent yourself
23
00:00:57,124 --> 00:00:58,991
right before school
starts again.
24
00:00:59,026 --> 00:01:02,327
And you're going as...
what did you say? A pickle?
25
00:01:02,328 --> 00:01:04,564
You're trolling would
have gotten to the old Steve.
26
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:07,866
But new me is easy
and/or breezy.
27
00:01:07,867 --> 00:01:10,503
I've been very patient.
Please talk about the belt now.
28
00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:12,504
It's the centerpiece
to the new me.
29
00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:15,207
Gives me the confidence
of a cucumber.
30
00:01:15,208 --> 00:01:18,244
Famously the most confident
of all the penis-shaped foods.
31
00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:19,912
[ Mirror shatters ]
32
00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:21,613
Ready to go, Steve?
Whoa!
33
00:01:21,649 --> 00:01:23,749
I'm loving the new
braided centerpiece.
34
00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:25,785
You guys are doing
this fair thing, too?
35
00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:28,520
Carnival, and yes.
It's the perfect opportunity
36
00:01:28,556 --> 00:01:31,023
to reset who you are
before the school year.
37
00:01:31,058 --> 00:01:32,458
If it goes well.
38
00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:34,393
It goes wrong sometimes?
39
00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:38,630
Hayley had a bad carnival
last summer.
40
00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:40,599
Derailed her whole year.
41
00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:43,068
She developed
an unhealthy bond with a goat
42
00:01:43,104 --> 00:01:44,336
in the petting zoo.
43
00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:45,872
They caught her
trying to, uh...
44
00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:48,407
to lure it away
into a porta-potty.
45
00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:50,276
Hayley: Are you guys talking
about the goat again?!
46
00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:52,711
Let it go!
You freaked everyone out!
47
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:55,380
He needed to be alone
with me!
48
00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:57,282
This fair
sounds incredible.
49
00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:59,285
Everyone get in the car
right freaking now!
50
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:01,121
Well, it doesn't start
for a few hours.
51
00:02:01,122 --> 00:02:04,623
Wow. I can't stop learning
things about this fair!
52
00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:07,693
[ Carnival music plays ]
53
00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:10,295
I can't do it.
This Henley was a mistake.
54
00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:12,965
Look how much chest
I'm just giving away for free.
55
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,633
Be honest.
Is it slutty?
56
00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:16,268
Honestly, yes.
57
00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:18,604
But in a way
that really sings.
58
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,440
If anything,
I'm worried about my bold lip.
59
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:24,076
Is it -
Absolutely perfect? Yes.
60
00:02:24,111 --> 00:02:26,745
Those lips belong in Paris
or on a motorcycle.
61
00:02:26,746 --> 00:02:28,948
I can't wait to see
them drop like a curtain
62
00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:30,649
on a bunch
of fried pickles.
63
00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:32,451
Oh, Stan.
64
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,052
[ Both moaning ]
65
00:02:34,088 --> 00:02:36,922
Right. I've watched 16 hours
of YouTube videos
66
00:02:36,957 --> 00:02:39,458
on how to beat
every rigged game here.
67
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:43,162
Those carny fat cats have
had it too good for too long.
68
00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:45,297
And I am gonna have
a normal time.
69
00:02:45,298 --> 00:02:47,333
I'm certainly not going
anywhere near the porta-potties.
70
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,301
Or the petting zoo.
71
00:02:49,302 --> 00:02:51,104
You're literally acting
insane about this.
72
00:02:51,105 --> 00:02:53,505
Can we just forget about
the goat? I have!
73
00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:55,341
I bet he wouldn't even
recognize me anyway.
74
00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:57,109
I mean,
I've grown a bunch.
75
00:02:57,144 --> 00:02:59,111
Has he grown?
I don't care!
76
00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:01,313
And I've got
my cucumber thing.
77
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:04,516
Or wait. Was that Steve's?
I will also be a cucumber.
78
00:03:04,552 --> 00:03:06,585
[ Carnival music plays ]
79
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:09,955
Whoa, Steve. Nice belt.
Thanks.
80
00:03:09,956 --> 00:03:12,692
That flamenco fingernail is
nothing to sneeze at, either.
81
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,293
This? Oh, no.
82
00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:16,361
My new thing
is gonna be cocaine.
83
00:03:16,397 --> 00:03:17,963
So what do we do first?
84
00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:21,633
Check out the rides?
The girls? The women?
85
00:03:21,669 --> 00:03:23,702
This year,
I'm easy peasy Steazy.
86
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:27,272
I'm even willing
to ride the big-kid rides.
87
00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:29,541
Are you sure?
Snot, look at my belt.
88
00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:31,810
The new Steve
is ready for anything.
89
00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:34,746
That's great news 'cause
there's a new ride this year
90
00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:36,515
that's supposed to be nuts.
91
00:03:36,516 --> 00:03:38,184
[ Chuckles nervously ]
There is?
92
00:03:38,185 --> 00:03:41,453
Satan's Tantrum.
93
00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:46,058
[ Evil laughter ]
[ People screaming ]
94
00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:50,662
Very cool.
But what's the rush, right?
95
00:03:50,698 --> 00:03:52,664
Let's get
some funnel cake first.
96
00:03:52,665 --> 00:03:54,100
Mertz:
Stop hitting yourself!
97
00:03:54,101 --> 00:03:55,968
[ Grunting ]
98
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:59,204
Steve! Help me!
99
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:01,073
Smith,
I was just thinking about
100
00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:02,841
how I'd like to hit you
with this.
101
00:04:02,876 --> 00:04:05,711
Uh, I got a cricket leg
in my funnel cake last year.
102
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:07,913
Let's hit that ride.
What about Billy?
103
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,215
Billy might have been
the aggressor here.
104
00:04:09,216 --> 00:04:11,083
We came in late.
105
00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:13,318
Now, the trick here
is the backsp-
106
00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:14,519
Hey! Watch it!
107
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:16,089
Winner, winner.
Chicken dinner.
108
00:04:16,090 --> 00:04:17,756
I'm not a prize
to be won.
109
00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:21,026
Help! I'm being trafficked,
probably for sex!
110
00:04:21,061 --> 00:04:22,761
Wait, is it for sex?
111
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:25,597
No.
Okay. Yeah. Then help!
112
00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:28,533
[ Evil laughter ]
113
00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:32,337
The best part is, it wasn't
even built by a ride architect.
114
00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:34,940
Then who made it?
A guy.
115
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:39,044
After he built it, he was
committed to an insane asylum.
116
00:04:39,079 --> 00:04:41,549
Are pieces supposed
to be falling off like that?
117
00:04:42,249 --> 00:04:43,649
Oh.
118
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:46,985
Nobody knows.
That's what makes it great.
119
00:04:47,021 --> 00:04:49,121
Step on the scale,
boy.
120
00:04:49,156 --> 00:04:51,423
And get this -
no height requirement.
121
00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:53,759
Just
a weight requirement.
122
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:56,428
The guy
was absolutely mental.
123
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:58,513
What happens
if you don't weigh enough?
124
00:04:58,532 --> 00:04:59,765
You fly out.
You fly out.
125
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:05,304
Hmm.
He's not heavy enough.
126
00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:06,789
But Toshi's smaller
than me.
127
00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:14,313
I can't ride the ride.
Oh! I can't ride the ride!
128
00:05:14,348 --> 00:05:16,715
Ah! Enjoy the hell
out of it, boys.
129
00:05:16,716 --> 00:05:18,718
I'm gonna try to cool off
in the mirror maze.
130
00:05:18,719 --> 00:05:20,052
[ Grunts angrily ]
131
00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:23,955
Hi. I'm a little late
to the game on this fair thing,
132
00:05:23,956 --> 00:05:26,059
but I'm loving what
I'm seeing from you carnies.
133
00:05:26,060 --> 00:05:27,759
Doing drugs
in the open.
134
00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:30,205
Having filthy hay sex
while your teeth drop out.
135
00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:31,863
I'll do anything
to work here.
136
00:05:31,899 --> 00:05:33,932
You're hired.
137
00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:36,702
Fantastic.
I need the first two weeks off.
138
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,473
[ Sighs ]
139
00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:44,176
Hey, big guy.
Close shave out there.
140
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:46,311
Satan's Tantrum
was a curveball.
141
00:05:46,347 --> 00:05:49,681
It's okay to be scared.
You're still king cuke.
142
00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:52,951
[ Menacing laughter ]
143
00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:55,320
Mertz.
Wow.
144
00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:58,323
What in the candy-ass hell
did I just stumble on?
145
00:05:58,359 --> 00:05:59,825
Oh, no.
146
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:02,027
I can't control myself.
147
00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:04,796
When I see a wuss being
this vulnerable,
148
00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:07,399
my body
just has to bully.
149
00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:09,034
Good luck catching
the real me.
150
00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:12,137
I know this place
like the back of my - Ohh!
151
00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:13,572
This is exciting.
152
00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:16,241
I wonder what my body's
gonna do to you.
153
00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:19,478
I know my rights!
154
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:21,213
I am allowed to sing
to the goat!
155
00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:23,749
You're a cucumber.
You're a cucumber.
156
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:25,717
Not this 'un.
He's a flight risk.
157
00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:30,589
Hot damn.
Welcome to hell, boy.
158
00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:33,992
No! Please!
Somebody stop him!
159
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:36,828
[ Evil laughter ]
160
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,365
W-What are you doing?
161
00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:42,367
I told you,
I don't know.
162
00:06:42,403 --> 00:06:46,171
But whatever happens
is your fault, King Cuke.
163
00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:50,175
Aah!
164
00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:52,677
[ Grunting ]
165
00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:58,283
[ Evil laughter ]
166
00:06:58,318 --> 00:07:00,385
[ Screaming ]
167
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:04,956
[ Slow-motion scream ]
168
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:09,861
Steve! I got you!
169
00:07:09,897 --> 00:07:11,696
Next on "Greg's Goodies,"
170
00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:14,232
I'll be trying the famous
twice-fried corn dogs.
171
00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:16,701
[ Spectators gasp ]
[ Screams ]
172
00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:18,270
A real news story.
173
00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:20,705
And at the carnival!
My school year is set!
174
00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:23,408
[ Grunting ]
175
00:07:23,444 --> 00:07:24,876
[ Spectators gasp ]
176
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:30,916
Ooh, you are so dead.
177
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:32,083
Everyone saw that!
178
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:33,985
Assault,
attempted murder,
179
00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:36,988
and, worst of all,
misleading an innocent carny.
180
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:38,924
I know what your body's
gonna do next.
181
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,625
Go straight to jail!
182
00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:44,596
[ Cheers and applause ]
183
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:47,232
We'll see if we can get
a word from the hero himself.
184
00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:50,502
Hang on.
And hang on he did. To you.
185
00:07:50,503 --> 00:07:52,338
What was going through your mind
up there?
186
00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:54,306
Nothing. I just did it.
187
00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:55,674
Inspiring words.
188
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:58,276
And what's new about me
is the bolo tie.
189
00:08:00,330 --> 00:08:01,963
?
190
00:08:01,999 --> 00:08:03,965
And at the height
of Satan's Tantrum,
191
00:08:04,001 --> 00:08:10,205
Mertz, clear-eyed and cool,
and Steve, the sniveling nerd,
192
00:08:10,206 --> 00:08:12,408
unchanged by the miracle
of the carnival,
193
00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:15,410
wearing pink-heart boxers
like a cartoon sea captain
194
00:08:15,445 --> 00:08:17,675
whose pants are ripped open
by an alligator.
195
00:08:17,676 --> 00:08:19,649
Can't say I love the way
I'm being depicted.
196
00:08:19,650 --> 00:08:21,316
I gotta set
the record straight.
197
00:08:21,351 --> 00:08:23,118
Mertz is no hero.
198
00:08:23,153 --> 00:08:25,420
It's his fault I was even on
that death trap.
199
00:08:25,455 --> 00:08:27,222
Ahhh...
What?
200
00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:30,158
It's just he did save
your life.
201
00:08:30,194 --> 00:08:34,396
Criticizing Mertz now
might come across as ungrateful,
202
00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:37,999
dare I say, uncool?
203
00:08:38,035 --> 00:08:40,635
He's tormented us
our entire lives.
204
00:08:40,671 --> 00:08:42,961
Barry, he Gorilla Glued
your boobs together.
205
00:08:42,973 --> 00:08:44,339
You had to have
surgery.
206
00:08:44,374 --> 00:08:45,440
We know that.
207
00:08:45,475 --> 00:08:46,942
But I think
Barry's right.
208
00:08:46,977 --> 00:08:49,077
You gotta let this
blow over.
209
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:51,780
On the bright side, he
hasn't bullied any of us today.
210
00:08:51,815 --> 00:08:55,483
True. I don't miss the
usual back-to-school butt crack wet willy.
211
00:08:55,519 --> 00:08:57,152
Maybe you're right.
212
00:08:57,187 --> 00:08:59,788
Maybe this will all
die down in a few days.
213
00:08:59,823 --> 00:09:02,857
A key to the city
is the greatest honor
214
00:09:02,893 --> 00:09:06,294
Langley Falls can bestow
upon a citizen.
215
00:09:06,330 --> 00:09:09,764
Though, in truth,
it opens very little.
216
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:12,968
The holes simply
aren't big enough, I've found.
217
00:09:13,003 --> 00:09:16,938
And so to you, Mertz,
we offer this key.
218
00:09:16,974 --> 00:09:19,708
Thank you for not forcing me
to cancel the carnival
219
00:09:19,743 --> 00:09:21,343
because of a death.
220
00:09:21,378 --> 00:09:25,513
Thank you.
But the truth is, I'm no hero.
221
00:09:25,549 --> 00:09:27,549
Woman: That's a thing
a hero would say!
222
00:09:27,584 --> 00:09:30,218
I've done a lot of things
I'm not proud of.
223
00:09:30,254 --> 00:09:33,388
I used to prey on the weak,
Steve in particular.
224
00:09:33,423 --> 00:09:35,890
For the record,
that was the old Steve.
225
00:09:35,926 --> 00:09:38,516
If I can draw your attention
to my belt for a moment -
226
00:09:38,528 --> 00:09:42,197
But saving him awoke in me
a desire to do good.
227
00:09:42,232 --> 00:09:44,899
Now I get up each day
and try to be the person
228
00:09:44,935 --> 00:09:47,302
all of you believe
I am already.
229
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:50,071
Thank you.
[ Cheers and applause ]
230
00:09:50,072 --> 00:09:51,774
I wasn't supposed
to be on that ride.
231
00:09:51,775 --> 00:09:53,776
[ Microphone feedback ]
And for the other boy,
232
00:09:53,777 --> 00:09:56,311
Zane's Department Store
has graciously donated
233
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:59,414
a pack of less embarrassing
underwear.
234
00:09:59,449 --> 00:10:02,417
For the love of -
My underwear is fine!
235
00:10:02,452 --> 00:10:05,820
No, they're the underwear
of a foppish captain
236
00:10:05,856 --> 00:10:09,557
who gets his pants ripped open
by a hungry alligator.
237
00:10:09,593 --> 00:10:12,494
I've seen that one.
What was it called?
238
00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:15,563
Meet me by the stage.
Everyone else, go home.
239
00:10:15,564 --> 00:10:17,967
Francine, your makeup -
people are gonna think
240
00:10:17,968 --> 00:10:20,535
we skip this thing
to have sex in the car.
241
00:10:20,536 --> 00:10:22,538
Especially the people
who saw us doing it.
242
00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:24,205
Can we go now?
243
00:10:24,241 --> 00:10:26,941
Mertz! We never had a chance
to say a proper thank you
244
00:10:26,977 --> 00:10:28,543
for what you did
for Steve.
245
00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:30,579
I'd shake your hand,
but I haven't washed mine,
246
00:10:30,580 --> 00:10:33,281
and I, uh,
just did something cool.
247
00:10:33,317 --> 00:10:35,917
Do you have dinner plans
tonight?
248
00:10:35,952 --> 00:10:38,019
I was gonna have
a quiet night in.
249
00:10:38,055 --> 00:10:39,754
Dang, he's booked up.
Let's go.
250
00:10:39,755 --> 00:10:42,091
Come to our house for dinner.
It's the least we can do.
251
00:10:42,092 --> 00:10:45,193
Wow. O-Okay.
Thank you!
252
00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:47,462
Dad, no!
253
00:10:47,497 --> 00:10:49,597
He once did
an entire history report
254
00:10:49,633 --> 00:10:52,133
on the agrarian tradition
of plowing Mom.
255
00:10:52,169 --> 00:10:55,837
Great! You never want to
talk about the stuff I'm interested in.
256
00:10:57,407 --> 00:10:59,207
So, Mertz,
what kind of doors
257
00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:01,676
are open to you now
that you're cebrity?
258
00:11:01,712 --> 00:11:03,345
I bet you could get
on Raya easy.
259
00:11:03,380 --> 00:11:05,447
Everyone's
been so generous.
260
00:11:05,448 --> 00:11:07,516
The petting zoo said I could
pick any animal I want
261
00:11:07,517 --> 00:11:08,917
and keep it.
262
00:11:08,952 --> 00:11:10,919
[ Glass shatters ]
[ Clears throat ]
263
00:11:10,954 --> 00:11:14,089
What did you decide on?
Could someone pass me a napkin?
264
00:11:14,124 --> 00:11:15,757
A teacup piglet.
265
00:11:15,792 --> 00:11:18,460
Hmm. Yeah. I don't see what the
fuss is about this guy.
266
00:11:18,495 --> 00:11:22,230
Okay. Probably time for Mertz to
be hitting the old dusty trail.
267
00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:23,798
No can do.
268
00:11:23,834 --> 00:11:26,301
I am not leaving you guys
with all these dishes.
269
00:11:26,336 --> 00:11:28,370
That's sort of my thing.
270
00:11:28,405 --> 00:11:30,705
Since when?
Let him clean up if he wants.
271
00:11:30,741 --> 00:11:33,608
I torched the casserole dish.
It's gonna need a hero.
272
00:11:33,643 --> 00:11:36,644
Alright.
You got into my house.
273
00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:38,880
You won over my family.
Congratulations.
274
00:11:38,915 --> 00:11:41,383
Now you can use it all
to stab me in the heart.
275
00:11:41,418 --> 00:11:43,985
That's the plan, right?
There's no plan, Steve.
276
00:11:44,020 --> 00:11:45,820
God's plan, maybe.
277
00:11:45,856 --> 00:11:48,723
Something shifted
inside me on that ride.
278
00:11:48,759 --> 00:11:51,226
Something more
than my elbow popping out.
279
00:11:51,261 --> 00:11:52,827
Well,
I don't buy the act.
280
00:11:52,828 --> 00:11:54,830
I'm not gonna spend
the rest of my life in debt
281
00:11:54,831 --> 00:11:58,099
to the guy who gave me a swirly
in a toilet he upper-decked.
282
00:11:58,135 --> 00:12:00,135
Steve,
I don't think you understand.
283
00:12:00,170 --> 00:12:01,903
I'm in debt to you.
284
00:12:01,938 --> 00:12:05,073
For the first time in my life,
I like who I am.
285
00:12:05,108 --> 00:12:07,108
You saved me.
286
00:12:07,109 --> 00:12:09,779
And I can't wait to tell the
whole world about it tomorrow.
287
00:12:09,780 --> 00:12:12,147
W-What's tomorrow?
You didn't hear?
288
00:12:12,182 --> 00:12:15,116
Buddy, we're gonna be
on "Morning Mimosa"!
289
00:12:15,152 --> 00:12:19,087
Hmm. Show the world
who you truly are, you say?
290
00:12:19,122 --> 00:12:22,257
I didn't, but I love
when you put words in my mouth.
291
00:12:22,292 --> 00:12:24,159
Gives my tongue a rest.
292
00:12:25,529 --> 00:12:27,829
Look, babe,
I got you a goat!
293
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,298
Who's that?
I don't know that goat.
294
00:12:29,299 --> 00:12:31,466
It's a goat
like you like.
295
00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:33,835
Oh, wow.
296
00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:36,338
Okay, now I'm starting
to see what's going on here.
297
00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:38,673
Hayley likes goats.
Any goat will do.
298
00:12:38,708 --> 00:12:41,109
Is that about right?
I-I don't understand.
299
00:12:41,144 --> 00:12:44,112
Yeah, well, everything's
coming into focus for me.
300
00:12:44,113 --> 00:12:46,415
I'm achieving a level
of clarity about you now.
301
00:12:46,416 --> 00:12:48,049
Did I do
something wrong?
302
00:12:48,084 --> 00:12:50,819
Get out of here and take
whatever it is you think
303
00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:53,354
this is with you.
The goat?
304
00:12:53,390 --> 00:12:55,740
Jeff. Jeff. Jeff.
Jeff. Jeff. Jeff. Just go, honey. Go.
305
00:12:57,260 --> 00:12:59,661
That went so sideways
in there.
306
00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:01,663
What the hell did you do?!
307
00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:02,897
[ Bleats ]
308
00:13:02,933 --> 00:13:04,833
Stop saying that!
309
00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:06,534
[ Cheers and applause ]
310
00:13:06,535 --> 00:13:08,904
Welcome back from our Boot
and Rally intermission
311
00:13:08,905 --> 00:13:11,072
sponsored by
Fruit Stripe Gum.
312
00:13:11,107 --> 00:13:13,475
Fruit Stripe Gum -
for when you need your mouth
313
00:13:13,510 --> 00:13:15,343
to be as fresh
as a zebra.
314
00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:18,213
Our producer, Charlie,
is telling me
315
00:13:18,248 --> 00:13:22,217
our guests are the carnival hero
and the boy he saved.
316
00:13:22,252 --> 00:13:25,153
So tell us,
are you as worried as me
317
00:13:25,188 --> 00:13:28,256
that every car is
clay-colored now?
318
00:13:28,291 --> 00:13:30,058
Uh...
Sure.
319
00:13:30,093 --> 00:13:32,927
In fact, there's not much
I don't worry about, Suze.
320
00:13:32,963 --> 00:13:35,663
Yes.
You look like a worrier.
321
00:13:35,699 --> 00:13:39,434
Guilty.
I'm a bit of a wussy.
322
00:13:39,469 --> 00:13:42,270
I have this fun little thing
I like to do that helps me.
323
00:13:42,305 --> 00:13:45,707
It's incredibly earnest
and vulnerable.
324
00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:47,041
Do you all
want to see it?
325
00:13:47,077 --> 00:13:49,711
[ Cheers and applause ]
326
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:51,076
[ Whispers ]
Please don't.
327
00:13:52,082 --> 00:13:55,750
Steven Anita Smith.
My middle name is Anita.
328
00:13:55,785 --> 00:14:00,655
You are cool.
Cool as a big, firm cucumber.
329
00:14:00,690 --> 00:14:03,691
[ Breathing heavily ]
330
00:14:03,727 --> 00:14:05,527
Calm and cool.
331
00:14:05,562 --> 00:14:08,663
Probably the coolest
of all the fruits.
332
00:14:08,698 --> 00:14:11,032
The king cuk- Ah!
333
00:14:11,067 --> 00:14:13,067
[ Audience gasps ]
Gotcha!
334
00:14:13,103 --> 00:14:15,537
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
[ Chuckles ]
335
00:14:15,572 --> 00:14:16,938
I don't know
why I did that.
336
00:14:16,973 --> 00:14:18,907
No, I feel it,
too.
337
00:14:18,942 --> 00:14:21,276
I want - I want to
stuff him somewhere small.
338
00:14:21,311 --> 00:14:23,211
His place!
Yes!
339
00:14:23,246 --> 00:14:25,780
I want to put him
in his place.
340
00:14:25,815 --> 00:14:28,950
All: In his place!
In his place!
341
00:14:28,985 --> 00:14:32,253
Stop! I don't mean
to silence women,
342
00:14:32,289 --> 00:14:36,090
but where you look at Steve
and see a four-eyed weenie,
343
00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:39,327
I see a guy with the courage
to try to change.
344
00:14:39,362 --> 00:14:42,764
And in the end, isn't that
what we all really want?
345
00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:45,099
To be better versions
of ourselves?
346
00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:47,335
To be more like Steve?
347
00:14:49,372 --> 00:14:51,406
You son of a bitch!
348
00:14:51,441 --> 00:14:52,674
Ow! My arm!
349
00:14:52,709 --> 00:14:56,678
Show! Them!
You're! A! Bully!
350
00:14:56,713 --> 00:14:57,979
Free for all!
351
00:14:58,014 --> 00:14:59,113
[ Audience cheering ]
352
00:15:03,119 --> 00:15:04,886
[ Inhales,
exhales deeply ]
353
00:15:04,921 --> 00:15:08,756
Snot's basement.
My safe place. Figuratively.
354
00:15:08,757 --> 00:15:10,893
The radon actually
makes it pretty dangerous
355
00:15:10,894 --> 00:15:12,227
to spend much time
down here.
356
00:15:12,228 --> 00:15:14,596
Are you okay?
We saw the show.
357
00:15:14,631 --> 00:15:16,364
No, but I will be.
358
00:15:16,365 --> 00:15:18,534
Thanks for doing this
emergency sleepover.
359
00:15:18,535 --> 00:15:21,869
You guys might be the only ones
immune to the Mertz mania.
360
00:15:21,905 --> 00:15:24,606
Hey, guys.
Sorry I'm late.
361
00:15:24,641 --> 00:15:26,874
Pizza Overlord
keeps giving me pizzas.
362
00:15:26,910 --> 00:15:28,876
I hope it's okay
that I brought some.
363
00:15:28,912 --> 00:15:31,245
Yum yum yum. I'm fat.
364
00:15:31,281 --> 00:15:33,448
Is that what you all
want me to say?!
365
00:15:33,483 --> 00:15:35,083
You invited Mertz?!
366
00:15:35,118 --> 00:15:37,552
Steve, he said
some beautiful things
367
00:15:37,587 --> 00:15:39,554
about you
on "Morning Mimosa."
368
00:15:39,589 --> 00:15:41,689
I think
he's being sincere.
369
00:15:41,725 --> 00:15:46,427
And the Steve we saw
on the show, that wasn't you.
370
00:15:46,463 --> 00:15:50,398
We thought the real Steve would
want the chance to apologize.
371
00:15:50,433 --> 00:15:54,469
No way! I'm not apologizing
to that - that douche nozzle.
372
00:15:54,504 --> 00:15:56,270
Oh!
Too far, Steve.
373
00:15:56,271 --> 00:15:59,074
We've always believed
the carnival is an opportunity
374
00:15:59,075 --> 00:16:01,109
to change who you are.
375
00:16:01,144 --> 00:16:03,711
Why can't you accept
that's also true for Mertz?
376
00:16:03,747 --> 00:16:07,715
Because I didn't change!
I tried and I couldn't!
377
00:16:07,751 --> 00:16:10,785
And if I can't, then
this monster doesn't deserve to!
378
00:16:10,820 --> 00:16:13,888
[ Grunting ]
379
00:16:13,923 --> 00:16:16,357
Wrong, Steve.
You did change.
380
00:16:16,393 --> 00:16:18,793
I did?
For the worse!
381
00:16:18,828 --> 00:16:22,497
[ Grunts, screams ]
382
00:16:22,532 --> 00:16:24,866
Look what I've done
to your game.
383
00:16:24,901 --> 00:16:28,302
I'll just go.
Enjoy the pies.
384
00:16:28,338 --> 00:16:32,073
No! Mertz, stay.
Steve, you go.
385
00:16:32,108 --> 00:16:33,274
Me?!
386
00:16:33,309 --> 00:16:36,077
Look what you've become,
Steve.
387
00:16:36,112 --> 00:16:37,812
Get out!
388
00:16:37,847 --> 00:16:39,614
[ Crying ]
389
00:16:39,649 --> 00:16:42,583
Ooh, Mertz, we all love you
390
00:16:42,619 --> 00:16:44,652
and your idiot broken arm,
Mertz.
391
00:16:44,688 --> 00:16:46,187
[ Thunder crashes ]
392
00:16:46,222 --> 00:16:49,323
?
393
00:16:49,359 --> 00:16:52,794
Kiss my baby, Mertz.
Now kiss me, Mertz.
394
00:16:52,829 --> 00:16:55,096
Now let's all kiss
at the same time
395
00:16:55,131 --> 00:16:57,632
on Steve's stupid grave.
396
00:16:57,667 --> 00:17:01,002
Steve! I got worried
when it started raining.
397
00:17:01,037 --> 00:17:03,137
Hop in.
Stop kissing everyone!
398
00:17:03,173 --> 00:17:04,338
What?
399
00:17:04,374 --> 00:17:06,441
?
400
00:17:06,476 --> 00:17:10,878
Whoa! Is it raining?
I love my job!
401
00:17:10,914 --> 00:17:12,213
Leave me alone!
402
00:17:12,248 --> 00:17:13,981
I can't!
403
00:17:14,017 --> 00:17:16,787
I'd never forgive myself
if something happened to you.
404
00:17:18,121 --> 00:17:20,288
Oop! Gotta blot that
before it stains.
405
00:17:20,323 --> 00:17:22,657
I got napkins here somewhere.
406
00:17:22,692 --> 00:17:24,726
Look,
maybe you have changed.
407
00:17:24,727 --> 00:17:26,729
Maybe you're a completely
different person.
408
00:17:26,730 --> 00:17:29,564
But that doesn't change the fact
that I hate you!
409
00:17:29,565 --> 00:17:32,101
And I hate that I'm gonna
be an afterthought to you
410
00:17:32,102 --> 00:17:34,135
the rest of my life!
411
00:17:34,170 --> 00:17:36,938
Back in the seat,
412
00:17:36,939 --> 00:17:39,208
almost ready to look out
the windshield again.
413
00:17:39,209 --> 00:17:41,209
Where my eye drops at?
414
00:17:41,244 --> 00:17:43,878
Ah!
415
00:17:43,913 --> 00:17:46,314
Ahhhh.
[ High-pitched scream ]
416
00:17:46,349 --> 00:17:49,350
[ Tires screech ]
417
00:17:49,385 --> 00:17:50,985
[ Brakes hiss ]
418
00:17:51,020 --> 00:17:53,087
Whew! That was -
419
00:17:53,123 --> 00:17:57,658
?
420
00:17:57,694 --> 00:17:58,926
Steve: Dad.
421
00:17:58,962 --> 00:18:01,028
Oh, Steve.
We were so worried.
422
00:18:01,064 --> 00:18:02,864
Are you naked?
423
00:18:02,899 --> 00:18:05,833
Yes. Your mother prefers
when I dress like this.
424
00:18:05,869 --> 00:18:08,336
My arms. I can't -
425
00:18:08,371 --> 00:18:10,104
Believe I got
the correct goat?
426
00:18:10,140 --> 00:18:12,173
I believe.
I always believed,
427
00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:14,743
and now it doesn't matter
if no one else understands.
428
00:18:14,744 --> 00:18:16,577
I understand a little.
429
00:18:16,613 --> 00:18:19,580
Oh, really, Jeff?
What part exactly?
430
00:18:19,616 --> 00:18:22,083
[ Sobbing ]
431
00:18:23,953 --> 00:18:27,021
Don't feel bad for him.
This is what he does!
432
00:18:27,056 --> 00:18:29,357
And I've given up
on the carnival circuit.
433
00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:31,059
Kicked out, really,
for hygiene reasons.
434
00:18:31,060 --> 00:18:32,527
Gotta keep my eyes peeled
435
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,930
for something less
buttoned-up than carny life.
436
00:18:34,931 --> 00:18:37,098
And is that Klaus?
437
00:18:37,133 --> 00:18:38,643
Timing will be
of the essence.
438
00:18:38,644 --> 00:18:40,302
While Serge is clogging
the filter,
439
00:18:40,303 --> 00:18:42,104
it will be up to me
to open the window
440
00:18:42,105 --> 00:18:45,239
so Beth can catapult
Pierre to freedom.
441
00:18:45,275 --> 00:18:47,475
Oh, my God, guys!
That's my family!
442
00:18:47,510 --> 00:18:49,277
Get me out of here!
443
00:18:49,312 --> 00:18:50,812
Are you good to leave?
444
00:18:50,813 --> 00:18:52,114
Seems like you're
in the middle of something.
445
00:18:52,115 --> 00:18:53,482
An escape plan
for the clownfish.
446
00:18:53,483 --> 00:18:55,249
It's fine.
I wasn't crucial.
447
00:18:58,421 --> 00:19:01,656
Wonderful. You're awake.
You're very lucky you made it.
448
00:19:01,691 --> 00:19:04,725
A certain hero got you here
in the nick of time.
449
00:19:04,761 --> 00:19:06,127
Oh, no.
450
00:19:07,664 --> 00:19:09,463
Oops.
Wrong curtain.
451
00:19:09,499 --> 00:19:11,899
The truck driver's
in pretty rough shape.
452
00:19:13,803 --> 00:19:16,170
Lucky, too,
that Mertz was a donor match.
453
00:19:16,206 --> 00:19:18,256
Okay, everyone,
that's visiting hours.
454
00:19:18,274 --> 00:19:19,607
Steve needs rest.
455
00:19:21,444 --> 00:19:24,445
Mertz, you can do
whatever you like.
456
00:19:24,446 --> 00:19:25,948
Come by the parking lot
when you're done,
457
00:19:25,949 --> 00:19:27,548
and I'll smoke you out.
458
00:19:27,549 --> 00:19:31,320
They gave me this jello
for giving blood,
459
00:19:31,321 --> 00:19:34,088
and I figured
you could use it more.
460
00:19:34,123 --> 00:19:36,858
I've got a spoon here
somewhere.
461
00:19:36,893 --> 00:19:39,160
I guess I owe you
an apology.
462
00:19:39,195 --> 00:19:40,828
You really have changed.
463
00:19:40,864 --> 00:19:42,330
Into my belt?
464
00:19:42,365 --> 00:19:45,366
Oh, you noticed
my little trophy, huh?
465
00:19:45,401 --> 00:19:48,169
[ Whispers ] It's for
defeating you completely.
466
00:19:48,204 --> 00:19:50,137
What?
467
00:19:50,138 --> 00:19:52,174
I was being honest when
I said you changed me, Smith.
468
00:19:52,175 --> 00:19:56,077
You unlocked a whole new form of
torture I didn't know was in me.
469
00:19:56,112 --> 00:19:59,680
I call it
long-form bullying.
470
00:19:59,716 --> 00:20:02,116
You're not even hurt.
Right?
471
00:20:02,151 --> 00:20:05,353
And we're the only ones
who will ever know.
472
00:20:05,388 --> 00:20:10,224
I saved your life
so I could ruin it, Smith.
473
00:20:10,260 --> 00:20:11,959
Oh, there's that spoon.
474
00:20:11,995 --> 00:20:14,862
[ Sniffs ]
Oh. [ Gags ] That's ripe.
475
00:20:14,898 --> 00:20:18,332
Hope this doesn't overpower
your white grape jello.
476
00:20:18,368 --> 00:20:20,701
It's a delicate taste.
477
00:20:20,737 --> 00:20:23,004
Noooooo!
478
00:20:27,844 --> 00:20:29,977
You wanted to see me,
detectives?
479
00:20:30,013 --> 00:20:32,280
We need you to take
a look at something.
480
00:20:34,384 --> 00:20:35,783
Am I supposed
to know him?
481
00:20:35,818 --> 00:20:38,019
The truck driver
who hit you 50 years ago.
482
00:20:38,054 --> 00:20:41,155
The guy who made you
more metal than me.
483
00:20:41,190 --> 00:20:44,759
I'm no filthy bot!
Easy, easy.
484
00:20:44,794 --> 00:20:47,962
Our future technology has
allowed us to do a retinal scan
485
00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:50,998
on cadavers and see everything
they've ever seen.
486
00:20:51,034 --> 00:20:52,333
Show him, Kyle.
487
00:20:55,505 --> 00:20:59,674
I saved your life
so I could ruin it, Smith.
488
00:21:00,643 --> 00:21:02,777
All your complaints
over the years,
489
00:21:02,812 --> 00:21:04,645
and you were right
all along.
490
00:21:04,681 --> 00:21:07,848
On behalf of the Langley
Acid Falls Police Department,
491
00:21:07,884 --> 00:21:10,818
we want to issue
an unofficial apology.
492
00:21:10,853 --> 00:21:13,454
[ Sighs ] Wait.
Unofficial?
493
00:21:13,489 --> 00:21:15,299
We can't ever let
this footage leak.
494
00:21:15,325 --> 00:21:17,158
It would cause
global instability
495
00:21:17,193 --> 00:21:21,495
and threaten the reputation
of the United States president.
496
00:21:21,531 --> 00:21:23,397
President Mertz.
497
00:21:23,433 --> 00:21:25,800
Man, I'd love to get a belt
like his.
498
00:21:25,835 --> 00:21:27,835
Ah, so cool.
499
00:21:27,870 --> 00:21:29,637
Bye! Have a beautiful time!
500
00:21:29,687 --> 00:21:34,237
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
36894
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof