Original subtitles

(grand orchestral fanfare playing)

♪ ♪

Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org

♪ The sun's in the sky ♪

♪ Nothing can go wrong ♪

♪ Kiss winter goodbye ♪

♪ And sing this summer song ♪

♪ I was born here, I guess I'll stay ♪

♪ Why would I ever go away? ♪

♪ Life is a lifelong ♪

♪ Summer's day... ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ I'm gonna sing all summer long. ♪

- Yay. - (whooping)

- JACK: Thanks. - Bravo! Bravo!

Encore! Uh, "The Summer Song."

He just played "The Summer Song."

NICK: Well, play it again, then.

Or just any song with "summer" in the title. Doesn't matter.

Uh, cheers, guys. I'm gonna take a bit of a break

- and then I'll come back. - NICK: Are you being serious?

(indistinct chatter)

ELLIE: That's it.

NICK: I can't believe I missed it.

(bird squawking)

(engine starts)

- (humming) - Jack.

Sir.

How are you... enjoying the job?

Yeah, not bad. Good, thanks.

I've noticed the customers like you.

Okay, great. Yeah, well, I try to be friendly.

Unlike me.

I'm increasingly finding I don't like you.

- Right. - You know, the beard

gets on my nerves.

What's wrong with shaving?

- Yeah, I know. I suppose I... - Yeah...

And I don't like the way you're always late.

I-I don't like the way you dress.

And worse, I get the feeling

you think working here is beneath you.

- Oh. - But the customers like you.

So, if you want to go full-time, you can.

Right.

Okay. Well, yeah, great.

Uh, let me think about that.

Or, eh, here's the alternative, son.

Two weeks, you're out on your ear.

Yeah. I'll give the job to dozy Karen.

(clicks tongue) Okay, great.

Well, classic. Um...

- Yeah, I'll get right back to you. - Good.

There's someone to see you.

Make it quick. We've got stuff to sell.

(chuckles)

Do you want the good news or the bad news?

I'm gonna have to say good news,

'cause I don't think I could take any more bad news.

Well, the good news is

you're booked for Latitude Festival.

No!

(laughing): Yes! Yes!

It's not the biggest...

It's the, it's the Suffolk Tent.

I don't care what tent, it's Latitude!

It's a proper festival!

- (Ellie laughs) - You are the best manager in the world!

Latitude!

♪ This road that I'm walking, well ♪

♪ It started young ♪

♪ I found a guitar and then it all begun ♪

♪ I found all the things I wanted to be ♪

- Classic. - ♪ So come take my hand ♪

♪ And rock this road with me ♪

- (crowd cheering) - ♪ Rock this road ♪

♪ I'm not gonna stop ♪

♪ Rock this road till I'm at the top ♪

♪ Rock this road, we'll do it right ♪

♪ I'm gonna rock this road tonight ♪

♪ ♪

(children laughing, chattering)

♪ Gotta follow this winding road ♪

♪ I gotta follow ♪

- ♪ Wherever it goes ♪ - And it has shiny wheels.

♪ I guess I'll always carry this load ♪

♪ That's my fate ♪

- ♪ I rock this road. ♪ - Yes, I'd love to play with it.

(all whooping)

Uh, accept my gratitude, Latitude.

- (chuckles) - (whooping continues)

Uh, yeah, it's been a blast.

I thought "Dinosaur" was particularly strong.

Well, yeah, I got most of the words right.

- (chuckles) - ROCKY: "Hear me roar,

- I'm a dinosaur." - (laughs): Rocky!

- What are you doing here? - Yes, mate!

- Yeah! - Oh!

- I'm a road manager, innit. - (laughs): Oh!

So everyone who said that you were a lazy,

- useless, drug-taking drunk... - Hello.

...who'd never get a job were wrong.

Yes, they were, actually.

I'm in profitable employment.

A valued cog in a well-oiled rock machine.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Good set, though, mate.

- Yeah. - Did you hear it? I didn't see you.

I-If I'm totally honest,

I only popped by for a quick bong behind the tent.

- Oh. - But it was a lovely surprise to hear you.

I mean, I didn't hear much of it,

to be honest, 'cause...

of the bong and stuff, but... yeah.

Ah, you're still making sweet love to young Ellie, I see.

- No. - (laughs): No.

No, never. Not once.

That's a shame.

She's my manager.

Hey, do you wanna come backstage for our gig?

- Wha... Please. - Yeah?

- Let's do it, then. - (laughs)

- Let's rock this road. - All right.

JACK: So how long you been back in Suffolk?

Oof. Well, I'm trying to live outside the traditional

concept of time.

So, could be weeks, could me months,

could be a year and a half, no idea.

Oh, here we are.

- (cheering) - Thank you so much.

JACK: So what exactly do you do?

Make sure everything runs like clockwork.

- Service the equipment. - Right.

Make sandwiches, make teas.

Uh... Oh, Christ.

(mutters)

Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry, Michael.

You're fired.

Fair do's.

(crowd cheers)

Got fired.

Give Ellie one for me, yeah?

- No, really, we don't... - Catch you later.

(Michael vocalizing over speaker)

ELLIE: Oh, great day.

JACK: Yeah, great day.

Though, Elle, we should stop now.

I can't do this anymore.

(scoffs) Don't be stupid.

You're gonna need a bigger tent.

(American accent): You're gonna need a bigger tent.

No, okay, stop. You gotta stop pretending

that we're in a thrilling story with a big, exciting end.

We're in a little story and it ends now.

I think I hear something special in my songs,

you think you hear something special,

and I love you for it.

But no one else does. No one ever has.

Uh, Nick loves "The Summer Song."

Nick is famously a world-class moron.

If it hasn't happened by now, it's not going to.

It'll take a miracle.

Miracles happen.

I mean it.

This is a serious moment for me.

This is just absolutely not happening.

Look, I can't be the star that we thought I could be at 14,

on that day in the school hall

when I sang a pretty cool cover of "Wonderwall"

and you were there, backstage.

- I'm not hearing a word. - Okay, but look.

This, this was my last gig.

And I'm so happy you were there.

This is the end of our long and winding road.

ELLIE: Come on! The world is full of miracles.

JACK: Like what?

Benedict Cumberbatch becoming a sex symbol.

- Oh... - You'll change your mind.

I won't. This is the start of a better life.

And I'm... feeling perky about it.

JACK: Mmm.

Night-night, rock star.

Yeah. Night-night.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(crowd cheering)

(speaking Japanese)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- (grunts) - (bicycle wheel spinning)

♪ ♪

(speaking Japanese)

(groans softly)

You all right, mate?

(Jack groans)

Just a few minutes, okay?

(chuckles softly)

(whispering): Can I just say one thing?

Just to... warn you.

I've spoken with the doctor and you,

- you will walk again. - (grunts softly)

But you have lost your beard

and, um, two big teeth.

And even though it should be sad,

it's actually very funny, unfortunately.

- (groans softly) - So despite all the pain and inconvenience,

you're not even gonna get any sympathy.

People will just laugh at you.

(chuckles softly)

(chuckles) Ow.

What happened?

(sighs, chuckles) No one knows.

It was all over the world.

Electricity flicked off for 12 seconds.

You were just unlucky that at that exact moment,

a big bus hit you.

You know, the weird thing they thought

was gonna happen at midnight when we hit 2000?

- Oh, yeah, Y2K. - It sort of happened.

It was very big news which, um, you missed entirely.

- Because of the bus. - Ah.

Mm-hmm. (chuckles)

Right. I've gotta get back to school.

- Elle? - Yeah?

Thanks for taking such good care of me.

You're welcome. I'll come back later.

Will you still need me,

will you still feed me, when I'm 64?

(laughs): I don't know. I'll think about it.

- Why 64? - What do you mean?

It's just... oh, forget it. (chuckles)

What do you mean, "Why 64?"

(sighs)

ELLIE: I think the accident

was a message from God.

- (scoffs) - Yeah, he was very angry.

Elle, you think me getting hit by a bus

was God's way of telling me not to go back to teaching?

(laughs): Exactly. (squeals)

Incredible. It's amazing.

You know, God loves your stuff.

Look, if God had been remotely interested in my stuff,

he would've once, right, just once,

had someone write me a fan letter who wasn't my mum.

(snickers) Or me.

- (laughs) - Yeah.

(sighs) I didn't ask to be The Beatles,

you know, I just wanted once to have a standing ovation

not given by people who were already standing at the bar.

(chuckles) Be the what?

(siren wailing in distance)

- NICK: Oh, my God. - JACK: Oh, yeah.

- Carol, come and look! - (Ellie laughs)

I know Ellie said it was funny,

but no one mentioned visual humor of this quality.

- Jack! Oh, my God! Your teeth. - (Nick groans)

- Cheese! - Oh, wow. - (laughter)

- (camera clicking) - ELLIE: Presents, presents,

- presents. - Mm, presents, presents. - Yes, yes.

It's true, we have bought you presents.

- Exciting. - Well, they have, obviously.

- Huge work week. - Yeah, yeah.

- What do we have here? - (Nick clears throat)

Okay, okay, okay.

- Uh, boom! Hey! - ELLIE: Oh, wow.

- Because you lost your teeth. That's... - Yeah, I know.

- That's why that's funny. Okay. - (laughter)

- Number two. - ELLIE (laughs): Where did you get that?

- (grunts) - (chuckles)

- 'Cause you got hit by a bus. - Yeah, I remember.

- (laughter) - Do you?

- Hilarious. - Yeah.

All right. One more.

- I've signed your name, don't worry. - One more, yes.

I don't know what this one could possibly be.

- Oh, my... Neither do I. - NICK: No idea.

- (laughs) - I mean, I'm thinking some sort of snow shovel.

- Mm-hmm. - Or a... tiny little giraffe with no legs.

(laughs): Just open it, open it, open it.

CAROL: Oh.

Okay.

Wow.

- NICK: 'Cause yours got run over by a bus. - (sighs)

- (Nick chuckles) - CAROL: Well, play something.

- ELLIE (laughs): Yes, play something. - NICK: Come on.

- Play "The Summer Song." - Let me get rid of this.

(Ellie grunts)

(Rocky laughing)

Hey!

What's tickin' and tockin' and rockin'?

- Yeah! - Oh! - What is he doing here?

Yeah, he got sacked. He's staying with us,

- sleeping on the sofa. - JACK: That is a disaster

- that could last forever... - NICK: Yep. - Terrible decision.

- That's right. - ...and ruin your entire life.

- Absolutely. - (Ellie laughs)

Hey, really glad you're not dead, man.

- (groans) - (kisses)

CAROL: He's got a new guitar.

- He's gonna play a song. - Ow. - ROCKY: Epic.

A great guitar requires a great song.

(plays gentle melody)

♪ Yesterday ♪

♪ All my troubles seemed so far away ♪

♪ Now it seems as though they're here to stay ♪

♪ Oh, I believe in yesterday ♪

Go on.

♪ Suddenly ♪

♪ I'm not half the man I used to be ♪

♪ There's a shadow hanging over me ♪

♪ Oh, yesterday came suddenly ♪

(children laughing)

♪ Why she had to go ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ She wouldn't say ♪

♪ I said something wrong ♪

♪ Now I long for yesterday. ♪

(whispering): Oh, my...

Wha... What the hell was that?

"Yesterday."

(exhales) That was one of the most beautiful songs

- I've ever heard. - ROCKY: Yeah. I mean,

it's a bit-bit sloppy, but it's sweet.

- Oh. - (laughs): When did you write that?

I didn't write it. Paul McCartney wrote it,

The Beatles.

Who?

The Beatles.

The what?

John, Paul, George and Ringo, The Beatles.

ROCKY: Which beetles is this?

The insect beetles or the car Beetles?

The pop group Beatles... Nick, help me out here.

- (smacks lips) Right. Yes. - (Ellie chuckles)

Um, there's this problem with musicians.

They presume everyone else has this encyclopedic knowledge

of obscure pop, make you feel stupid when you haven't

heard of bands, you know,

like Neutral Milk Hotel, or, uh, The Monophonics,

- or, in this case, The Beatles. - (laughter)

Wow, this is the most complicated joke

- I've ever heard. - No...

NICK: Nice song, though.

- It's not a nice song. - No, it is, mate.

Don't do yourself down

just 'cause you look like a cartoon character.

- It's-it's a very nice song. - (laughs)

It's not a very nice song, Nick.

It's one of the greatest songs ever written.

Well, it's not Coldplay. It's not "Fix You."

It's not bloody "Fix You," Carol,

it's a great, great work of art.

Wow, somebody suddenly got very cocky.

ELLIE: That song was exquisite.

How come I've never heard it before?

Okay, I don't know what you guys are playing at,

but this is so weird, a-and quite unfair,

in light of me having lost two teeth,

looking like a sort of reverse rabbit.

I-I'm on pretty heavy medication.

- (scoffs) - Just let me out.

(scoffs) All right.

(tires screech)

- (seat belt reeling) - I thought you liked the medication.

Yeah, I do love the medication.

I really don't know what you're cross about.

(sighs)

(laughs): Jack...

(sighs)

(tires screech)

♪ ♪

(thunder crashing)

(panting)

Oh, Christ.

No way. No way.

(quietly): Okay. All right.

What?

Mm.

(laughs)

Okay. (clears throat)

(thunder rumbles)

Oh... you are having me on.

B, B, B, B.

"Bowie," "Beck," "Beach Boys."

No. Stop it.

♪ ♪

Oh, fuck off!

No!

Let's try...

Good.

Still rolling.

Oh, thank God.

God bless you, Donald.

(whispers): Okay.

No.

Okay, let's just...

(groans)

Well, that figures.

(thunder rumbles)

♪ ♪

(thunder rumbles)

Elle!

- (gasps, exhales) - (knocking)

(whispers): Jack.

- What...? - Do you genuinely not know who The Beatles are?

Genuinely.

Okay.

Then I'm in a really, really, really complicated situation.

See you soon.

Nice pajamas.

Jack! (chuckles)

JACK: Christ. I don't even know

if I can remember the words to the songs.

Okay. "Eleanor Rigby...

"Eleanor Rigby lives in a church,

in a room where the wedding..."

No.

"Eleanor Rigby, darning her socks in the...

In a room where..."

No, does... does she have...?

Does she have socks?

(exhales sharply)

JACK: Am I gonna do this?

Can I do this?

(thunder crashing)

♪ ♪

- Yeah? - Four and one.

Four and one. Beautiful. That's music to my ears.

- Right, now what is our common, uh, factor... - Miss, there's

- someone at the window. - Sorry? - BOY: The window, the window.

- Um... Yes. Right. - (laughter)

Can you all just give me just one second?

I want... If there's any more factors of, um, 18,

I wanna hear 'em.

- Yes? - I may do one more gig.

I think I may have got some, like, new songs.

- BOY: Is that your boyfriend, miss? - Great.

- (students oohing) - No!

Enough! He is not my boyfriend! That is enough.

♪ Back in school again, Maxwell plays the fool again ♪

♪ Teacher gets annoyed ♪

Yes! Another one.

Your boyfriend's left you, miss.

(laughter)

- BOY: Awkward! - (laughter)

(laughs) You're right, that was very awkward.

But let's keep going!

- (forklift beeping) - ♪ He's a real nowhere man ♪

♪ Sitting in his nowhere land ♪

(groans) What did he do there, though?

♪ Woke up, fell out of bed ♪

- ♪ Dragged a... neh... across my head ♪ - (knocking)

- SHEILA: Yoo-hoo! - Yeah?

Oh. Sure those Post-it Notes

aren't gonna mark the wallpaper?

Eh, that's not exactly my top priority at the moment.

Oh, well, your top priority should be

getting yourself some new teeth. (clicks tongue) Aw.

I brought you a Pepsi.

- Have we not got any Coke? - What?

Coca-Cola.

I don't know what you're saying.

Come downstairs if you're hungry.

(quietly): Gotcha.

JACK: Do you reckon you could, like, make 'em look,

you know, better than before?

It's just, I'm hoping to relaunch my music thing...

I'm a dentist, Jack, not a magician.

Let's try the red. (sighs)

Your dad was my first-ever patient.

I only survived because of people like him.

That's right.

I only coped...

Clamp.

...with a little help from my friends.

(laughing)

Eh. (exhales sharply)

- (keys jingle) - So, um...

- uh, I thought we'd agreed. - Yeah, well, we had, Dad.

But I've-I've got a bunch of new songs, and I thought people

might like to hear 'em.

Huh. Well, why, uh,

why don't you play one for us?

Okay.

- You sure? - Y-Yeah, of course.

Me and your dad love hearing your... things.

Don't we, darling?

We do.

- Okay. Okay, good. - JED: Right.

- (exhales, mutters) - Ooh.

JACK: (inhales) Okay.

Right, this is called... "Let It Be."

♪ ♪

♪ When I find myself in times of trouble ♪

♪ Mother Mary comes to me ♪

♪ Speaking... ♪

- (doorbell rings) - Oh. Oh, sorry, love.

- I'll get it. - Mmm.

Good start, though.

Very pretty.

(door opens)

- Ah, hello, Sheila. - Terry!

- Come in, love. - Nice to see you.

Oh. It's Terry!

- Oh. Terry. Hey! - Hello. Hiya. Hey.

Jack's just playing us a new song.

Oh, really? I thought, I thought he'd given up.

- Yeah, no, well, he's got some new songs. - He... Yeah.

- Uh, what's this one called? - Uh, "Leave It Be."

- "Let It Be." - TERRY: Oh, excellent.

- Well, rock on, Jack. - Uh-huh.

Well, it's not very rocky, but...

(clears throat)

♪ When I find myself in times of trouble... ♪

Would you like a drink, Terry?

Dad...

Well, I'd already heard that bit.

Sorry, Jack.

Your dad's a rude man.

Yeah, I'll get a beer, please, Jed.

JED (straining): Excellent.

Right. (grunts)

Carry on, Jacko.

I'll be back.

- Can I get it in a glass? - Glass it is!

Right, is everyone else settled?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yes!

Hurry it up, darling, you're losing the crowd.

- Okay. - (chuckles)

♪ When I find myself in times of trouble ♪

- ♪ Mother Mary comes to me... ♪ - (ringtone playing)

TERRY: Ooh, sorry.

Sorry, Jack. That's me.

Sorry, my fault.

(ringtone continues playing)

- Oh, it's Marge. - SHEILA: Oh. (chuckles)

TERRY: Hello, love.

I'm just at, uh, Jed and Sheila's house

listening to Jack's new song. "Let Him Be."

- "Let It Be." - "Let It Be."

No, well, apparently, he's-he's started up again.

Yeah.

(sighs): Uh, yeah, I know.

I know. I know.

Yeah, I know.

- I know. - What do you know?

Listen, I'll-I'll... I'll call you back

when it's over, all right?

Oh, all right, then.

Yeah. Okay. See you in a minute.

- Right. Carry on broadcasting, young man. - Maybe start

after the first bit. I've heard it three times now.

If it's okay, I'm gonna go from the top.

Please yourself, son.

- (plays notes) - Then, maybe we can have "Summer Song."

- (discordant notes play) - Christ! This is "Let It Be."

You're the first people on Earth to hear this song.

This is like watching da Vinci paint The Mona Lisa

right in front of your bloody eyes.

Can you not just be quiet for a single second?

- (doorbell rings) - Ooh, that'll be Marge.

- Oh, Marjorie! - Well, she said she was gonna come round,

- so I'll... Oh, yeah. - Oh, I'll put the kettle on.

- Hi! - Hello. - Hello, love.

- Hi. Hi. - How are you?

- Come in, come in. - Well, that went well.

- Oh, that's good coffee. - MARJORIE: Thank you.

- Good. - Put the kettle on, actually. - (door closes)

JACK: This is a new song I've just written.

♪ Oh, yeah, I'll tell you somethin' ♪

♪ I think you'll understand ♪

- (balloon pops) - (gasps)

♪ When I say that somethin' ♪

- ♪ I want to hold your hand ♪ - I'm gonna get you!

(balloon pops)

- ♪ Whisper words of wisdom ♪ - (piano playing)

♪ Let it be ♪

(whispering): Oh, God.

(inhales sharply)

(indistinct chatter)

(plays final note)

(soft chatter continues)

MAN: Right, bag stack them up and put them on the trailer.

- (indistinct chatter nearby) - (water lapping)

Excuse me.

- Yeah? - Um, are you the manager?

Uh-huh.

I'm Gavin.

(indistinct chatter)

(panting): Hey.

You okay?

(clicks tongue) It's me, that's the problem.

That's the awful truth. The revelation.

I know the songs are strong, but no one's interested still.

Jack Malik's the problem.

- That's not true. - It is.

I just don't have the "it" that's the difference

between Jay-Z and...

- (scoffs) Jay-Y. - (chuckles)

Well, then, how do you explain this?

You're gonna be a recording artist, Mr. Malik.

- ♪ Because she loves you ♪ - (guitar playing)

- ♪ And you know that can't be bad ♪ - (squeals)

♪ Yes, she loves you ♪

I'd be very happy to help for free.

My studio, at your service.

Gavin. You're cool.

Y... Am I?

♪ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ And with a love like that ♪

♪ You know you should be glad ♪

- ♪ With a love like that ♪ - (train horn blows)

♪ You know you should... ♪

(windows rattling)

♪ Be glad... ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. ♪

Yes, yes, yes, we got it!

Yes, we have reached the mountaintop!

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! ♪

(laughs): Do you like it, Gavin?

- I absolutely love it, Ellie. Mwah! - (laughing)

- (Ellie sighs, laughs) - (Gavin groans)

Jack, you got any more songs?

One or two.

♪ Oh, yeah, I'll tell you somethin' ♪

♪ I think you'll understand ♪

♪ When I say that somethin' ♪

♪ I want to hold your hand ♪

BOTH: ♪ Now, let me hold your hand ♪

♪ I want to hold your hand ♪

♪ And when I touch you ♪

♪ I feel happy inside ♪

- ♪ It's such a feelin' that my love ♪ - (laughs)

BOTH: ♪ I can't hide ♪

♪ I can't hide ♪

♪ I can't hide... ♪

(laughs)

♪ Well, she was just 17 ♪

♪ You know what I mean ♪

♪ And the way she looked ♪

♪ Was way beyond compare ♪

Whoo!

♪ She wouldn't dance with another ♪

- Whoo! - ♪ Oh ♪

♪ When I saw her standing there. ♪

(train horn blows)

(song ends)

- Have a listen. - Thank you.

- Hey. Exciting. - MAN: How much?

Oh, no charge.

Uh, it's free with any purchase.

Songs with your Snickers, music with your multipacks.

- Oh, thank you. - Tunes with your chunks of cheddar cheese.

- Jack! - TV HOST: And here's a lovely

little story. Jack, you work in the wholesale warehouse

in Lowestoft.

And we hear members of the retail trade have been getting

a free CD along with their jumbo boxes

- of Nescafé and washing powder. - That's right.

But you're gonna sing us a new song now.

So, here's Jack Malik, the singing wholesaler,

"In My Life."

♪ But of all these friends and lovers ♪

♪ There is no one ♪

♪ Compares with you ♪

♪ And these memories lose their meaning ♪

♪ When I think of love as something new ♪

♪ Though I know I'll never lose affection ♪

♪ For people and things that went before ♪

♪ I know I'll often stop and think about them ♪

♪ In my life ♪

♪ I love you more. ♪

(guitar playing gentle melody)

TV HOST: Beautiful.

No mention of, uh, jumbo-sized Fairy liquid, but nice work.

You ever thought about doing a wholesale-based song?

Not really, no.

You could call it, uh, "In My Warehouse"

instead of "In My Life."

Now, time to find out what's happening

in Kerry's Kitchen. (chuckles)

G'day, everyone. It's Kerry here.

(laughs)

I could've written every song of the Rolling Stones

or David Bowie.

I'll always just be Lowestoft's warbling warehouseman.

(chuckling): Oh, no, don't.

- That's not true. (laughs) - So obviously is.

That song was really beautiful.

Who-who did you write it about?

Stop here. Stop the car.

(tires screech)

- Elle. - Hmm?

- These songs. - Mm.

There's something about 'em you should know.

(ringtone playing)

Oh. Hi.

ED SHEERAN: Hi... it's the musician... Ed Sheeran.

- I beg your pardon. - Ed Sheeran.

- I'm a musician. - Yeah, no, seriously though, who is it?

This must be a bad line, I'll-I'll call you back.

Who was it?

He said it was Ed Sheeran, the musician.

(scoffs) That'll be Nick.

- Mm. - (ringtone playing)

- (laughs) - Nick!

No, it's Ed Sheeran again.

Yeah, can I speak to Carol, please?

There's no one called Carol here.

Except there is. She's always there.

Okay, mate, um, I'll leave it there.

Amazing performance tonight though, on TV.

That song, "In My Life," that was really beautiful.

What did he say?

He said he really enjoyed "In My Life."

(scoffs) And what did Carol say?

- She wasn't there. - (chuckles) She's always there.

I think it might've been Ed Sheeran.

The musician?

♪ ♪

(doorbell rings)

Hi.

- Hello. - I'm Ed.

- Um, is Jack here? - Oh. Right.

I'll see if he's up. Just wait there, love.

Jack!

- It's for you. - Who is it?

His name's Ed.

He's got a nice, friendly face.

- Hi. - (chuckling): Hi.

C... Uh, come in.

(clicks tongue) Your shirt's inside out.

Oh, Christ.

Uh, we should...

ED: Ouch.

So, uh, look, I'm sorry to barge in like this.

No, no, uh, major pop stars

are always dropping round, you know?

Lady Gaga won't leave us alone.

(chuckles) You're funny.

Well, funny-looking, at least.

Yeah, so, anyway, I live, uh,

I live locally, and I saw your song on TV.

And it was really good.

- Wow. - So I googled you,

and I listened to your songs on the warehouse website.

And they were even better.

Gosh, thanks.

All right, don't mind me.

So, I've had the support act drop out

of the European leg of the tour,

and I was wondering if you'd consider it.

- Consider what? - S... Yeah.

- Being the opening act. - (grunts softly)

- For you, seriously? - JED: Nope.

Yeah, why not?

(chuckling): W-Wha... When would I start?

- Tuesday. - (sighs)

Do you know where the pickle is?

No.

- No. - Tu... What, Tuesday?

- Not next July? - (chuckling): No. Tuesday.

- Is your hearing all right? - (chuckling): No.

No, my hearing is fine, it's just, you keep saying

lots of really strange things.

But yes, yes, thank you, yes.

- Um, how long do you need? - About 30 minutes. Maximum.

Any more than that, people start getting a bit restless.

- You know, "Bring on the ginger geezer." - Yeah.

(laughs) Get in.

(laughs, sighs) Night.

- Night. - Night.

Night. Nice to meet you.

You look like Ed Sheeran, you know.

I am Ed Sheeran.

Oh, right. Well done.

Light show?

- Preferably not, no. - Well, that's good,

'cause I've only got the torch on my phone, so...

(chuckles) Have you got any beer?

Uh, cider.

- Cider works. - (chuckling): Okay.

I'll have a cider with the man that wrote "Yesterday."

Yeah.

Mum, Dad, who drunk all the cider?

- ELLIE: That is nuts! - Yeah, as you said, it's nutty.

And he's absolutely covered in tattoos.

Nice dressing gown, by the way.

No, it's not. No.

- (laughs) - Don't. Don't start.

It looked so good online, so I just ordered it,

and the most disgusting pink thing in history turns up.

- So good. - (laughs): Meanwhile, you need a new roadie.

Tomorrow.

What do you mean? You're not coming?

(scoffs) No, of course not.

I'm, you know, a schoolteacher.

I teach maths.

(chuckles): I can't suddenly manage

Ed Sheeran's support act.

Yeah, maybe you can, though.

Um... yeah.

Well, I certainly can't do it this Tuesday.

'Cause we've got a parent- teacher's evening at 6:45.

And, although I like you, I...

I don't like you enough to let down the whole of year ten.

- Right. Okay. - Sorry.

Lucy, Ellie's resigned from her post.

Do you fancy being my roadie in Moscow on Tuesday?

Sorry. Would love to,

but we've got rehearsals for the school play.

- Mm-hmm. - Okay.

Let's think, plan C.

- Oh, no. - What?

I've had an idea. It's a very bad idea.

♪ Mm-mm-mm ♪

♪ Oh-I-oh-I-oh-I-oh-I ♪

♪ I'm in love with your body ♪

♪ Oh-I-oh-I-oh-I-oh-I ♪

♪ I'm in love with your body ♪

♪ Oh-I-oh-I-oh-I-oh-I ♪

- (laughs) - JACK: Hi.

♪ I'm in love with the shape of you. ♪

- Welcome aboard. - Hey. Oh. - Hey.

- How you doing, man? - Hey!

- Here he is. - Hey.

Hello, Mr. Sheeran. My name's Rocky.

And y-you can call me whatever you like.

"Handsome" always works well.

(laughs) No.

Only kidding, no, it was just... Rock... just call me Rocky.

- Nice to meet you, Rocky. - Yeah.

Um, Jack, you and Rocky are at the back there.

And listen, um, tonight, it's small and intimate.

Don't worry. Nothing to be worried about.

- Okay. - Cool. - All right.

- Love your work, man. - Thank you.

- Especially the rapping. - Really?

No, I'm only kidding.

(chuckling)

No, leave it to the brothers, that'd be my advice.

Gingers and rap... sounds a bit crap.

Well, you may be right. Enjoy your flight.

(laughing): Oh, here he is.

Wait a minute!

All right, um...

uh, I think it will be neat if I take my seat.

Boom. Victory.

(chime over speakers)

(Rocky beatboxing)

♪ Gonna fly to the... ♪

Champagne?

Oh, yes, please. Thank you.

Champagne, sir?

Um, have you got Coke?

Sorry?

Oh, right, yeah. Pepsi, please.

Of course, sir.

(crowd cheering)

♪ Back in the US, back in the US ♪

♪ Back in the USSR ♪

- (cheering) - All right!

♪ Well, the Ukraine girls really knock me out ♪

♪ They leave the West behind ♪

♪ And the Moscow girls make me sing and shout ♪

♪ Georgia's always on my mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mind ♪

All right, Moscow!

(cheering)

♪ Whoo-oo-oo ♪

Sing it with me!

ALL: ♪ Whoo-oo-oo ♪

♪ Whoo-oo-oo ♪

Louder than that!

♪ Whoo-oo-oo ♪

Louder!

♪ Whoo-oo-oo ♪

- ♪ Whoo-oo-oo ♪ - (rhythmic clapping)

♪ Whoo-oo-oo ♪

♪ Whoo-oo-oo, whoo-oo-oo ♪

(whooping)

♪ Whoo-oo-oo, whoo-oo-oo ♪

♪ Back in the USSR ♪

♪ You don't know how lucky you are, boys ♪

♪ Back in the USSR. ♪

(song concludes with a flourish)

- (cheering, whistling) - (music stops)

Cheers.

EMCEE: Okay, Moscow,

it was Jack Malik!

(cheering continues)

And now are you ready

for Ed Sheeran?!

(cheering loudly)

On a three-hour plane journey, without a guitar?

Yeah.

'Cause I thought we were going to Russia,

so I should write a song about Russia.

Yeah, that... I just, I thought it was really cool

that you called it "USSR," you know?

It probably stopped being called that

before you were born.

Yeah.

MAN: Amazing, man.

- Loved that USSR track. - (chuckling): Thanks.

Right. I've got an idea.

Everyone, I think we can all agree that we're impressed

with Jack's songwriting talent, right?

- Whoo-hoo! - (cheering) - So, here's the plan.

I'm gonna go out that door, Jack's gonna go out this door.

And whoever writes the best song in ten minutes, wins.

(scattered cheering)

ROCKY: What's the prize?

No prize. Just being the best songwriter.

Jack "Back in the USSR" Malik, are you in?

- Okay. - Okay.

And it can't be anything you've written before.

Like, nothing in your bottom drawer.

Has to be new, tonight.

- Right. - Cool.

- Fun. - (stammers) I still,

still think there should be a prize, Ed.

I mean, with all his money, he could afford a tenner.

♪ ♪

ROCKY: Ladies and gentlemen,

we are gathered here tonight to witness an epic battle.

In the blue corner,

Sir Ed Sheeran!

(cheering)

♪ Broken hearts can find a love to make them whole ♪

♪ Anywhere ♪

♪ She said we are penguins on the ice ♪

♪ We're not meant to fly, but God knows we can try ♪

♪ Well, I see a hope that's in your eyes ♪

♪ Well, can you see the love in mine? ♪

- (cheering) - ROCKY: And now,

the soon-to-be defeated, Mr. Jack Malik!

(cheering, whooping)

(applause quiets)

♪ The long and winding road ♪

♪ That leads to your door ♪

♪ Will never disappear ♪

♪ I've seen that road before ♪

♪ It always leads me here ♪

♪ Lead me to your door ♪

♪ Many times I've been alone ♪

♪ And many times I've cried ♪

♪ Any way you'll never know ♪

♪ The many ways I've tried ♪

♪ But still they lead me back ♪

♪ To the long ♪

♪ And winding road ♪

♪ You left me standing here ♪

♪ A long, long time ago ♪

♪ Don't leave me waiting here ♪

♪ Lead me to your door. ♪

(cheering, whooping)

So, the vote!

Nope, no vote. No vote.

No. That was, uh,

an interesting moment.

I was always told that there would be someone

who came along that was a lot better than me,

and you are definitely better than me, Jack.

Yeah, wow. That was, uh,

one of the best songs I've heard in my life.

I mean, these things are complicated.

(chuckles) Yeah.

Obviously not complicated for you, though, right?

I think I'm gonna go to bed.

Someone should probably shag him while they have the chance.

- (laughter) - Yeah. - WOMAN: Pick me, Jack!

You're definitely Mozart, mate.

And I'm definitely Salieri.

Night, Jack.

Hi.

I'm Debra Hammer.

I'm Ed's manager.

We should talk.

Yeah. I... Well, I g... I mean,

- I've kind of got a manager back home. - Oh?

No, but, but no, but we should talk.

- Yeah. - (chuckling): Okay, great.

That's great.

Uh... good.

Have a good night. I'll see you in Los Angeles.

In Los Angeles?

Yeah, well, we, we need you to come to L.A.

See, we pay and then you come and you write songs

and then we release them, and you make a ton of money.

And then we take most of it.

- (laughs) - (chuckling)

Okay.

I have a question.

Is this the best that you can look?

We'll figure it out.

Gorgeous.

CROWD (chanting): Ellie, Ellie, Ellie!

- (balloon pops) - ELLIE: Oh, well, in my capacity as Jack's

former musical mentor, stroke manager,

stroke roadie, stroke driver...

(chuckles): 'Cause he can't even drive.

- Ooh! - Loser! Loser! - (all jeering)

I did try to teach you. I did try to teach you.

- Honestly, no, you can have the job back. - No, thanks.

- (groans) - Why would anyone ever leave Suffolk

before the day they die?

(cheering)

Right, but if you must go to Los Angeles

- and hang out with perverts and drug addicts... - I must.

...then we wish you good luck and success.

Or, even better, failure

- and a swift return. - (laughs)

ALL: Failure and a swift return!

- Yay! - (cheering)

(Ellie grunts softly)

Will you miss me, Jack?

Course I'll miss you.

Hey.

Of course I'll miss you.

You're leaving, so... I can ask you anything.

(sighs)

How did I get in the wrong column?

How did I get in

the "friend, manager, roadie" column, inst...

...instead of the "And I Love Her" column?

- (knocking) - SHEILA: What are you doing up there?

Come on. If you don't come downstairs soon,

your mum will be too drunk to make her speech.

- SHEILA: Jack! - Coming, Ellie Wellie?

- Yeah. - Come on down, my baby bunny, we miss you!

- Jack! - Ellie! - Jack! -Jack!

SHEILA: Jackie, what are you doing up there?

Oh, God. Are those definitely columns?

- (chuckles, sniffs) - LUCY: Jack!

Well, a girl can certainly tell the difference.

(overlapping chatter downstairs)

- SHEILA: Jack! - It...

Actually, seriously, it is getting a bit grim,

so you may wanna, uh, uh, come down.

- Come on! - We miss you!

- ALL: Jack! - (indistinct shouting)

Wow, Ellie. That's...

- big news on a big night. - SHEILA: Ellie!

ROCKY: Jack, get down here now, mate!

- Jack! - (indistinct shouting)

Come on!

(exhales)

(chanting): Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack...

- (sighs deeply) - Jack!

♪ ♪

♪ Here comes the sun ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Here comes the sun, and I say ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

Get it!

- (laughs): Oh, oh, oh! - ♪ Sun, sun, sun ♪

♪ Here it comes ♪

♪ Sun, sun, sun, here it comes ♪

- ...cute vegan place down the street, I love it. - Ladies.

♪ Sun, sun, sun, here it comes. ♪

Jack Malik. (chuckles)

Welcome to my little beach shack.

(chuckles) Thank you for coming all this way.

- Good to see you. Well... - (chuckles)

- you're not very attractive. - No.

- You're out of shape. - Yes.

You're skinny, yet, somehow, round.

Uh-huh.

You have been profoundly unsuccessful for ten years.

- Yep. - And until about a month ago,

we'd call you a complete failure.

Well, that's not quite how I'd put it, but...

- We would say that you were a complete failure. - Yeah.

Sit, please.

- But now, now... - (clears throat)

you've hit an extraordinary songwriting groove,

and you want to be the biggest star in the world.

- Well, mmm... - "Yes" is the answer to that question.

Well, yes, I guess.

Not, "Well, yes, I guess."

"Yes."

I guess.

(chuckles)

Buddy, what I'm offering you,

is the great and glorious poisoned chalice

of money and fame.

If you don't want to drink it,

which I would understand,

go back and have a warm beer in little, bonny England.

If you do want to drink it,

I need to hear you say, "Debra, I'm so thirsty.

Give me the goddamn chalice."

So, which is it?

I'll take the chalice.

♪ ♪

Yeah.

♪ You're asking me will my love grow ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I... don't know ♪

♪ Stick around now, it may show ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I... don't know. ♪

- Yeah. I'm feeling that. - (clapping)

Okay, what's next?

(over speaker): Um, it's called "A Hard Day's Night."

(over speaker): All right.

What does that mean?

Um, I'm not quite sure yet.

HANS: (laughs) Okay, we're rolling when you're ready.

Stop, stop. Something's missing.

It-it's the guitar, it has to gently weep more.

(electric guitar playing)

That's it! That's my baby!

- Yes! Yes! - Yeah? Good.

♪ I'm gonna sing this summer song ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ I'm gonna sing all summer long. ♪

- Okay. The first one... - "Here Comes the Sun."

Is... Yeah, yeah. That's amazing.

- (exhales): Whoo. - (clears throat)

- And the second one... - My personal favorite.

- "The Summer Song." - "The Summer Song."

That is...

it's simple without being charming.

I'm struggling to find the words.

I hated it, but n...

I wasn't interested in it enough to listen to it again

to find out why.

Yeah, bin it.

Yeah. Reject.

Thank you, Rocky.

- (can opens) - JACK: Times like this, I wish

I hadn't given up smoking.

I could just murder a cigarette.

Yeah.

What's a "cigarette"?

What?

(scoffs)

Wow.

Uh... oh, yes, Jack, this is Hilary.

She's gonna be working with you on your image.

Do I have to have an image?

Well, if you don't have an image,

- then the lack of image becomes an image. - Right.

And the music sounds so joyful.

It'd be a shame to let it down by you being so...

- off-putting. - Mm-hmm.

I can see how you two might be friends.

(Debra laughs)

Yeah, yeah.

So, here... Okay, here's the plan.

We're gonna take the five best songs,

we'll put them online, right?

No visuals, just the music.

The enigma of Jack Malik.

And then, we wait until we've...

fixed all of this,

and we release

an astonishing,

era-defining double album that changes popular music forever.

♪ ♪

♪ Boy, you're gonna carry that weight ♪

♪ Carry that weight a long time ♪

♪ Boy, you're gonna carry that weight ♪

♪ Carry that weight a long time ♪

(speaking foreign language)

MAN: #JackMalik.

#SheLovesYou.

I always knew he was a star, right from the start.

We were very much neck and neck in the earlier days.

We were both entertainers.

- "Yesterday." - (speaking foreign language)

Me say more fans. Me say Jacko!

The producer of the now-famous "Warehouse Tapes," Gavin.

Absolutely and utterly the, the best moment of my life.

Basically, we seem to be talking

about the Shakespeare of pop music.

MAN 2: These songs, there's only five of them,

but they break new ground. We've never heard

anything like this before.

- We want more. - But we definitely need to hear more.

- More songs. More, more... - Write more new songs, Jack.

FEMALE REPORTER: The best album ever. No question.

♪ ♪

♪ Eleanor Rigby, sits in the church ♪

♪ In the night where the wedding has been... ♪

No.

♪ Look at her working ♪

♪ Darning her socks in the night when the... ♪

There's rice in there, somewhere.

Picks up the rice, picks up the rice, picks up the rice.

♪ Picks up the rice in the church ♪

♪ Where a wedding has been ♪

♪ Lives in a dream ♪

(groans) Where does she darn the bloody socks?

Father McKenzie, Father McKenzie!

♪ Father McKenzie, darning his socks in the night ♪

♪ Darning his socks... Dar... ♪

(groans) Oh, God.

When are we gonna get to "all the lonely people"?

♪ All the lonely people ♪

♪ Where do they all c... ♪

(sighs)

I need to go to Liverpool as soon as possible.

I think it could be inspiring.

Do you want me to tell you the name of 50 places on Earth

more inspiring than Liverpool?

- Starting with Shitsville, USA. - No, thank you.

Would you like me to tell you

the reasons that you can't go next week?

Like having lunch with Ernesto, the head of Universal Music,

on whom your life depends.

Like actually finishing the damn album.

Like picking the damn name for the damn album.

Like doing the damn videos for the damn album, damn it.

Okay, I will be back by Saturday.

- Friday! - (groans)

Friday is you on The Late Late Show with James Corden.

And Saturday is the Major Marketing Meeting of Meetings.

Friday, you are presented to the world.

Saturday, you are crowned.

Okay, Friday.

Is it actually called "the Major Marketing Meeting

- of Meetings"? - Yes, it's actually called that.

- Yes. - (seabird squawking)

What does Liverpool have that L.A. doesn't?

Mo Salah, Cilla Black, mushy peas, rain.

(sighs) Home sweet home.

Rocky, you're not from Liverpool, mate.

Nope. Never been here before.

MAN: Hey, Jack, Jack!

(screaming excitedly)

- Oh. - Oh, my God.

- (screaming) - Jack!

H-How did they know we were here?

- In, in, in. Drive, drive! - Come on.

- (fans screaming) - WOMAN: Oh, my God, it's...

- Wait, Jack! - MAN: Why won't you stop, mate?

(plane passing overhead)

DRIVER: There you go, guys, Strawberry Field.

♪ ♪

♪ Let me take you down ♪

♪ Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm. ♪

ROCKY: Now we're at Penny Lane.

What distinguishes it from any other lane?

JACK: Just show some respect.

ROCKY: For what, exactly?

"Also Eleanor Rigby,

- the beloved wife of Thomas Woods." - Yeah?

- Friend? Relative? Wh... - (shushes)

♪ Eleanor Rigby... ♪

ROCKY: I always liked graveyards.

Lost my virginity in one, actually.

♪ All the lonely people ♪

♪ Where do they all belong? ♪

♪ Eleanor Rigby ♪

♪ Picks up the rice in the church ♪

♪ Where the wedding has been ♪

(chuckling): Yes!

♪ Lives in a dream ♪

♪ Father McKenzie, writing the words ♪

♪ Of a sermon that no one will hear ♪

♪ No one comes near ♪

Oh, come on, he's on fire!

Fireman!

There's a fireman in "Penny Lane."

- Jesus! - (phone rings)

(groans) What?

- What? - WOMAN: I'm sorry to disturb you, but you've got

- someone downstairs for you. - What, really?

What are you doing here?

(sputters) I was just passing by.

You live 370 miles away.

Yeah, you're right. Um...

- (chuckles) - I just... (laughs)

I just, I thought it might be nice to see you.

- (chuckles) What are you doing here? - Um...

well, it's research.

It's, like, a music industry thing. Yeah.

(chuckling): This is so great.

Um...

(laughs)

Are you hungry?

- As a big horse. - Okay.

ELLIE: Oh, it feels like you've been gone forever.

JACK: How are Nick and Carol?

- (sputters) Very unhappy. - Excellent.

I wouldn't know how to relate to 'em if they actually got on.

(both laugh)

I miss you.

I miss you.

(waiter clears throat)

Yes. (clears throat)

I am gonna have fish and chips.

But I'm on a diet.

- (giggles) - So, salad instead of the fries.

I'll have the grilled salmon, and again,

with a salad, no fries.

Anything else?

Maybe just a side of fries.

- Yeah, make that two. And lots more beers. - Thanks.

I guess the girls are falling over themselves

to sleep with you, now you're a famous musician?

- I'm not famous. And no, not yet. - (chuckles)

Although there was one Russian.

That's nice. Was she stocky?

- Fairly stocky, yeah. - (laughs)

- Bar's closing. Can I get you anything else? - No, thanks.

Maybe just a couple of brandies.

JACK: And lots of chocolates.

What are we gonna do when they throw us out?

I was thinking... lots of ketamine.

- Mmm. - And then, wandering the streets

of Liverpool, singing songs we don't know the lyrics of.

- Very loudly. - (exhales)

(quietly): You've changed.

(chuckles)

- (laughing) - ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh. ♪

(indistinct shouting, laughing)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(echoing): Hello?

(echoing): Whoo!

So, where's your room?

Oh, definitely, definitely not on this floor.

(singsongy): Do-na-noo-na-noo-na.

- Da-na-na-do... - (snorts) Do-na-noo-na.

(Ellie chuckles)

- (chuckles) - (glugging)

JACK: (groans) Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

- Hmm. - (chuckles)

- (exhales) Long pause. - Yeah.

Have I messed up massively?

- Meaning what? - Going away, and...

Oh, no. God, no.

What was the alternative?

(chuckling): This is the most wonderful

and exciting thing in the world.

(chuckles softly)

(whispers): Can I maybe turn out the light?

Maybe.

♪ ♪

Mistake?

Probably.

Oh, my God, you just... you touched my bottom.

(chuckles) You've never done that before.

Well, I imagine we're gonna have to do

a lot of things we've never done before.

Are you sure?

- And what about you? - I asked first.

I really don't know.

(exhaling)

Oh, okay.

So, maybe no.

No?

Um...

It's certainly not a mistake coming up to Liverpool.

Certainly, um, a lovely evening.

But I think, probably, it's...

- (sighs) it's a mistake to go further. - Okay.

I have a room of my own and...

and I think, um...

a one-night stand would be...

a strange new column for me to be in, Jack.

Maybe it, it wouldn't be a one-night stand.

Well, when are you going back to America?

- Tomorrow. - So that's one night.

It's the dictionary definition of a one-night stand and...

(inhales) it's not for me.

♪ ♪

(door closes)

♪ I said maybe ♪

♪ You're gonna be the one that saves me ♪

♪ And after all ♪

♪ You're my wonderwall... ♪

(chiming)

(inhales sharply)

Rocky!

Rocky! Get up.

- Let's go! - What? What? What?

We've gotta find Ellie!

- I know where she is. - Where?

- In Suffolk, mate. - No, she's not,

- she's in Liverpool, you numpty. - Really?

That's a coincidence.

Uh, we...

You have got a guest, Ellie Appleton.

- (stammers) - Oh, yeah, we just ordered her

a taxi to the station.

Oh, Christ.

Uh, thank you very much.

♪ ♪

(panting): Okay. No, no, no. Okay.

Double our chances... you go that way, I'll go this way.

- Whoever gets there first, stops her. - Okay.

- Oh, there you are. - It's that way. It's that way.

(both shouting indistinctly)

ROCKY (straining): I'm dying.

- Ellie. Elle. - Oh, my God.

I hope she's worth it, mate.

- (groans) - Where's the...?

D-Does anyone know what platform goes to London?

- Six. - Six. - Eight.

- No, it's definitely six. - Oh, yeah, no, it's six.

It's definitely six. Sorry.

(yells)

(panting): Yes, yes, yes!

No, no, no, no, no, no!

- (coughing) - No. No.

- (line ringing) - (coughs)

Come on, pick up. Pick up.

- ELLIE: Hello? - Hi, yes.

I-I came after you,

but I missed the train.

I'm sorry.

- We need to talk. - Let's talk.

- Where are you? - Right behind you.

Having a cheese and tomato baguette

and a packet of crisps.

(laughs)

ROCKY: Jack, would it, would it be

annoying of me to point out we should be

- heading for the airport? - How long have we got?

Well, in real terms, minus an hour.

(panting): Okay. (exhales)

Rocky, this is completely not a conversation you're part of.

- No, of course it's not. - Yeah.

No, deeply private.

With your future happiness at stake.

Right, did you two sleep together last night?

- No. - No. - What a waste.

Anyway, I'll keep an eye on the clock.

You've got precisely four minutes.

- So... - So... - (phone chimes)

Um...

it's about last night.

(sighs) What about it?

Well, it was almost quite a moment.

And I woke up, and I panicked. And I wanted to talk.

Okay, then talk.

Right.

So, um...

N... (sighs) 'cause we... (groans)

And how do you think it's going so far?

It's not great, but...

No, no, let me try and help.

(exhales) You've had 20 years to make your move.

Well, I couldn't exactly make my move when I was seven.

(stammers) Then you've had ten years.

Right. Well, we've always been like brother and sister.

It's very bad indeed for...

for brothers and sisters to have sex.

- Except that we're not brother and sister. - No, exactly.

- Right, but... - No, so...

(exhales shakily) I've been waiting half my life

for you to wake up and love me.

Having loved you for half a lifetime,

I realized when you left,

that I had made a bad choice doing that.

(breathes shakily)

And now, it's got even trickier because...

if... (chuckles)

When you were playing in pubs, we were the perfect match.

But now...

I-I... (sighs)

I'm an actual schoolteacher in actual Lowestoft,

and you're the world's greatest singer-songwriter.

- No, I'm not. - Except that you probably are.

Okay. Two minutes, ladies and gentlemen, two minutes.

Also, um... Debra's on my phone for you.

Apparently, she's having dinner with the head of the label

and you're meant to be FaceTiming in, so...

Just go away, Rocky.

Okay. One minute, 53.

In the end, to you,

I'll always, really, just be Ellie with the frizzy hair.

(sighs) And Ellie from the "Fun chum" column.

Ellie, who, for reasons no one understands,

drives you around in her car. (chuckles)

So, just go and please just catch your plane.

(sniffles)

We haven't finished the conversation.

Well, um, we have.

We have.

Unless...

in Liverpool Lime Street at...

11:14 on a Friday...

(breathes shakily) unless you choose to stay.

DEBRA (over phone): Jack.

Jack. You have to get on the plane.

- What are you still doing in Liverpool? - I can't stay today.

I've gotta do The Late Late Show tomorrow,

and I've gotta do the Marketing Meeting of Meetings

- and, oh, it's ridiculous... - And that was your chance.

(chuckling): Now, quick, go.

Please, leave.

- Sorry. - Hey, do you mind if I nick a couple of crisps

- for the journey? - Look, I want you to be happy and,

and to make marvelous music. I always have.

- No, not all the crisps! - Okay.

Just go, go, go, go, go.

Your, your future is o-out the door and to the left.

A taxi rank.

JACK: I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so...

♪ ♪

MAN: Okay. Welcome to the Major

Marketing Meeting of Meetings.

So amazing to have Jack himself right here in the building.

- Give it up for Jack, y'all. - (cheering)

Now, uh, Jack, I,

I do believe I speak for everyone in attendance today

when I say... (whistles)

- (chuckles) it is the climax of our careers... - Yes!

...to be working on this mind-bending album with you.

Give it up, y'all.

(cheering, whistling)

Yeah!

You, you don't have to clap every time.

But thanks very much.

- (laughter) - Mr. Modesty!

- Give it up for modesty! - No, seriously, d...

That's what he does right off the top. (chuckles)

Now, as you all know, the songs we released online

have created unprecedented excitement.

- (cheering) - Yes.

- Yes. - No.

So, now upon us falls

the mighty task of packaging everything together

into one single, irresistible album.

Now, Jack came up with some title suggestions himself

and, uh, (chuckles) we worked on some of those.

You know, I especially got a kick out of

Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.

- (laughter) - Yeah, that's... (chuckles)

It's okay to laugh, 'cause it's funny.

It is. It's, uh, (chuckles) a lot of words, Jack.

But ultimately, in the end, we just felt it was, uh,

- uh, too confusing, right? - (murmuring assent)

Too confusing. And, uh,

The White Album has some diversity issues.

How?

That's a lot of white, Jack.

And I know you were pretty enthusiastic

about Abbey Road. I gotta say,

it didn't have a lot going for it...

if I can put it to you like that.

Uh, it's just a road, with a bunch of people

driving down the wrong side of the street.

- (chuckles) - (laughter)

That's not exactly what I meant, but...

But we've been developing some ideas of our own, now.

You know, we weren't just sitting around.

We focused on the one thing that makes this man here

unlike anyone else in the entire world of music today.

No collaborators, no cowriters, no samples, no steals, hmm?

No "featuring Cardi B,"

no "featuring Bieber."

Just the simple, pure genius...

of One Man Only.

- (indistinct chatter) - Mmm, mmm, mmm.

And, as a second wave, because of the miracle

that is One Man Only, it's just this.

- Just this. - (people gasping)

- Mmm, mmm. I know. - (cheering)

I know.

So, let Operation Jack begin!

Each week, a new song online.

Each week, a new TV show.

We start with Corden, then we move to Kimmel,

then Fallon, then Colbert

and then Thursday Night Live!

Whoo!

Song, song, song. Show, show, show.

Boom, bang, bazillions.

Now, let's go make so much money that,

by this time next Christmas, we are wiping our asses

with solid-gold toilet paper.

JAMES CORDEN: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome,

- the one, the only, Mr. Jack Malik! - (cheering)

Jack, I'm such a fan. It's great to meet you.

Thank you for being here.

The songs of yours that I've heard, they are,

they're amazing.

What's life like for you at the moment right now?

I mean, the expectation for the album

is just rising to insane levels, isn't it?

Yeah, well, they're... they're insane to me.

- I mean, who here's excited about this album? - (cheering)

Listen to that.

In this age of, sometimes, 16 people

writing on one song, suddenly, here's a guy,

him and a guitar, and he writes everything himself, on his own.

Yeah. I mean... Well, you know, that's how it always

used to be, though, with, uh, with, like, James Taylor

or Stevie Wonder, Bruce Springsteen.

So I don't think it's that exceptional.

But is it just you?

Well, yes. (chuckles)

- But is it? - (laughter)

(scoffs) Well, y-yes.

- Yes, it is. - Excellent.

Because as chance would have it, a-and do forgive me,

because we-we love a surprise on this show.

As chance would darn well have it,

I've got two men backstage

who claim that the songs are theirs.

(audience murmuring)

In fact, they say that all of your tunes

are the work of their band, The Beatles.

(audience gasping)

I d... I don't know...

(chuckles) I don't...

Well, let's see how this plays out, shall we?

Ladies and gentlemen, all the way

from Liverpool, England, please welcome,

(distorted): Mr. Paul McCartney and Mr. Ringo Starr!

♪ ♪

♪ Na, na-na, na-na-na-na ♪

♪ Na-na-na-na ♪

♪ Hey, Jude. ♪

DEBRA: Hey.

Bang me backwards over a Buick.

It's gonna be the greatest album of all time.

It's really incredible, man.

- Hey, Ed. - How you doing? Um, I'm just in town for a couple

of days. I thought I'd come and see the genius at work.

ED: I'm just trying to work out your process.

Is it music first or lyrics first?

JACK: Um, it varies.

But, like, with this song, for instance, the, um,

the-the "Hey Jude" one

must have some story behind it.

Well, yeah. No, it do... it does.

So, it was the son of a friend of mine

who was having a hard time.

Um, it, it, it just,

it came to me as a s... as a song of comfort.

I don't believe you.

What?

I mean, I just... I don't believe you.

- It's one genius idea after the other, you know? - Oh, right.

I do have a suggestion, though.

Um, about the song.

The-the title, "Hey Jude."

Jude is just, it's a bit old-fashioned.

- That was the kid's name, right? - What kid?

- That the song's about. - Oh, the kid, the kid, the kid.

Yes, the-the... the sad kid.

Now, l-let me just give you this advice, right?

Song title...

I won't charge you a penny for it as well...

"Hey Dude."

Um...

♪ Hey, du... ♪

(sighs) "Hey Dude," are you sure?

He's right. That's... (chuckles) that's so much better.

Is he?

- Is it? - ED: Yeah, yeah.

- ♪ Hey, dude, don't make it bad ♪ - Yes. Mm-hmm.

- Mm-hmm. - This isn't real. - ED: Definitely gonna be

one of the best songs of the generation.

- BOTH: ♪ Hey, dude ♪ - Wake up. Wake up, Jack. Wake up.

♪ Don't make it bad ♪

♪ Do-do-do-do-do-do ♪

- ♪ Dudey-dudey-dudey ♪ - (door opens)

- ♪ Hey, dude ♪ - It's definitely better. - Jack, Ellie.

Oh, sorry, guys. I gotta take this.

Just give me a minute, Ed. Sorry.

- JACK: Elle. - Jack.

I'm so glad you called.

I'm not enjoying myself here at all.

Oh, right. Well, um...

I've got two bits of news.

I'm riveted.

All right. Well, the first one...

- big one. - Yeah?

The Pier Hotel.

What? In Gorleston? The place that

closed down rather than have me play?

(chuckling): Yes. It's reopening.

You're bloody kidding.

I am bloody not. It's re-bloody opening.

(chuckles) That's amazing!

That's huge news!

That's-that's-that's ma-bloody-ssive!

- (sighs) - All right, what's the second?

I mean, it can't be as big. But tell me anyway.

Um...

n-number two is...

I've been seeing someone.

Right.

Do I know him?

Yeah. It's Gavin.

I-I didn't want you to find out from someone else.

Every day,

he puts me in the right column.

Of course.

The "true love" one.

- (knocking on glass) - Of course.

I've gotta go.

Ah, God. Yeah, course you do.

Um, okay. Bye. Bye.

What? What could possibly be so urgent

that I can't make a single phone call?!

How the hell am I supposed to get any of the songs right

if you're just all clustering me

and stopping me from being creative?

How can I ever be creative if I'm never ever left alone?!

Okay.

We'll leave you alone then, genius.

No, I'm not... I'm sorry.

No, it's g... It's, uh, it's superstar rights.

Treat the people that you work with like shit on your shoes.

Hmm.

(sighs)

Ellie told you the news, then?

- Yeah. - You know, I never, never understood

what you didn't see in her.

I mean, i-if I'd been you,

twice a day I would have loved her up like a lusty lion.

Rocky, if I ask you to just shut up,

really, really, really shut up, would that be okay?

Right.

Can I just start again and say, "Isn't it wonderful news?

"And I hope they'll be very happy together

and have gorgeous kids." Is that better?

No. It's worse.

I have got a third option. But...

I'm sorry. Um, I'm really sorry, everyone.

I'm just...

I'm really stressed.

What was so urgent?

(over speaker): Oh, um, no, nothing.

It's just we have to decide today where and when

we're going to launch the album.

So, nothing big, apart from probably the biggest decision

of your stupid life.

- What? - You ass.

I do have one thought.

- (crowd cheering) - NEWSCASTER: And the little town

of Gorleston has never seen anything like this before.

At 3:00 p.m. today, on the rooftop of the Pier Hotel,

Jack Malik, local boy turned pop phenomenon,

will premiere his highly anticipated first album.

And word seems to have got out.

(cheering)

(cheering continues in distance)

(knocking on door)

Can we, uh...?

Wow. Look at this.

Look at you.

(sighs) Didn't want to disturb.

Just wanted to, you know...

Well, it's... Who'd have thought? (chuckles)

While we were downstairs

drinking cider and eating jelly,

you were up in your room writing "She Loves You."

- (chuckles) - Well...

Are you, uh, you playing our song?

- Your song? - "Let It Be."

Oh, well, we've never forgotten

we were the first people to hear it.

Well, the start of it, at least.

Three times. (chuckles)

So proud.

Our beautiful, blazing boy.

- (clicks tongue) Aw. Oh. - Aw. Still, don't wanna...

- Mind your suit, love. It's... blue. - Yeah.

- We'll leave you to it. - Okay.

One last thing, son.

Yeah, Dad?

The sandwiches. I see there's tuna.

Are y-you gonna finish them all?

- No, please take them all. - Or if you don't...?

Oh, what a day. What an amazing day.

- (whispers): Sorry. - (sighs)

(door closes)

(helicopter blades whirring outside)

(sighs)

CROWD (chanting): Jack! Jack! Jack!

Jack! Jack!

- (chanting continues outside) - Well, you look good.

(chuckles): That's a tight pant.

- (chuckles) - Mmm.

(clicks tongue) Okay. We've got a jaw and a chin.

Ooh! (chuckles) That's not bad.

That's... This'll work. This'll work. Mmm.

- (kisses) - Don't...

(door closes)

- What? - Nothing. - (knocking on door)

Yeah?

(sighs, chuckles)

- Oh. Hi, Ellie. Come in. - (chuckles): Hi.

- And who have we here? - Um, Debra, this is Ellie.

Ellie, this is Debra, my agent.

- (sighs) - No!

The Ellie?

- Oh! He's mentioned me? - (chuckles)

No, no. I'm kidding. I know nothing

about his life because he's a product to me.

Unless you're the one that was his manager.

In which case, wow.

Huge mistake giving that up.

Oh, it's surreal, isn't it? Being back at the Pier Hotel.

- (chuckling): Yeah, indeed. - Oh.

- I'm gonna go look at the stage, yeah? - Mm.

- Yeah. - It's this way.

Press conference in ten.

Goodbye, lovebirds.

(door closes)

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left Lime Street, okay?

- It was a terrible mistake. - Oh, no.

- Don't say that, please. - Can we...?

- Don't say that. - Elle...

I-I've heard your new songs.

- They're incredible. - O-Okay. No, they aren't.

I don't even know who you are anymore.

Everything changed after the accident.

- Wha-What happened? - GAVIN: Jack.

- And here's Gavin. - Jack, Jack.

- Jack! - (Jack chuckles)

- Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack. - Oh, hey, mate.

- Jack. - How you doing, man?

- Jack. Jack. - (Ellie chuckles)

- I don't know what to say. - Oh, really?

It sounds like you do and it's, "Jack."

- (chuckles) - Jack!

- Oh... - We were just coming to say good luck and, um,

- break a leg. - Yeah. Well,

if I fall off the roof, then a broken leg

will be a good result.

(chuckles): All right, then. Let's go.

Come on.

GAVIN: Ka-ching!

(quietly): Ellie.

♪ ♪

- ELLIE: Ooh. - Wow.

Looks pretty quiet.

Well, maybe we should do a slightly shorter set?

- I mean really quiet. - (window slides open)

What do you want?

Uh, we're here for the gig. I'm the musician.

Well, that's pretty tricky.

'Cause we closed three weeks ago.

I'd take it as a hint, I would.

JACK: I'm gonna have to give up the part-time jobs,

go back to teaching.

(tires screeching)

- (grunts, sighs) - What?

No. Don't go back to teaching.

I've got no choice.

Jack, if you go back to teaching,

that is when you've got no choice.

Yeah, because you'll end up putting all your genius

into all those kids and then you won't have any

i-imagination or energy left to put into your music,

which really matters.

- Please... - (chuckles)

Okay, okay.

Crazy, slightly mad woman.

(laughs)

REPORTER: No one has ever written

this many great songs in this short a time.

- How do you do it? - Honestly, I don't know.

- (laughter) - Sometimes it feels like someone else

has written all the songs.

- (laughter) - Any idea who?

- (laughter) - What's the inspiration behind

"Strawberry Fields Forever"?

- (clears throat) Well... - Who was your favorite,

John, Paul, George or Ringo?

- Sorry? - Who's your greatest influence?

Jack, is it true that you wrote "Long and Winding Road" in...

W-Why don't you record in Abbey Road like they did?

(overlapping shouting)

When can we see another album, Jack?

Jack, what's the story behind "Let it Be"?

How'd you come up with "Yesterday"?

Thank you so much. We have to go to the roof now.

We'll see you later.

Jack, what was the first song you ever wrote?

Jack, what are you gonna play for us today?

It's a nice bar they've got down there, actually.

You haven't been drinking, have you?

No, I have not. Well, y-yeah, I have.

But I find a couple of pints midday sharpens my senses.

- Oh! - I'm not sure it does, mate.

- (sighs) - Right, here goes.

Actually, before I open this door, can I just say,

for a long time I didn't really know why I'd been born.

Felt a bit pointless.

But now I do know.

I was born to serve the greatest musician of all time.

It is my honor now to open this door

for the moment the entire world has been waiting for.

Thanks, Rock.

Oh, it's certainly been one hell of a journey, hasn't it?

So it has. So it has.

Right.

Here goes.

No, that's not... Uh, wrong door.

Um, let us, let us continue our journey together.

Right.

Here it does go.

(crowd cheering)

(helicopter blades whirring)

Jack!

Jack! Jack! Jack! Jack! Jack! Jack!

CROWD (chanting): Jack! Jack! Jack!

(whooping)

ROCKY: Thank you, Gorleston!

(cheering continues)

CROWD (chanting): Jack! Jack! Jack!

NICK: Come on, Jack!

♪ When I was younger ♪

♪ So much younger than today ♪

♪ I never needed anybody's help in any way ♪

♪ But now these days are gone, I'm not so self-assured ♪

♪ I found that I've changed my mind, I opened up the door ♪

♪ Help me if you can, I'm feeling down ♪

♪ And I do appreciate you being 'round ♪

♪ Help me get my feet back on the ground ♪

♪ Won't you please, please help me? ♪

♪ And now my life has changed in oh, so many ways ♪

♪ My independence seems to vanish in the haze ♪

♪ But every now and then I feel so insecure ♪

♪ I find that I need you like I've never done before ♪

♪ Help me if you can, I'm feeling down ♪

♪ And I do appreciate you being 'round ♪

♪ Help me get my feet back on the ground ♪

♪ Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me ♪

♪ Help me! ♪

- (cheering) - Oh, my God!

♪ ♪

(knocking on door)

ROCKY: Just hang on a minute, all right?

Hey. Uh,

these... these two have been waiting to see you

for an hour and they're genuinely a weird pair.

(door closes)

Shall I tell them to sod right off? Or...

No.

No, let 'em in.

All right, weirdos. Two minutes.

You can go now, Rock. I'll be fine.

I wonder if we could have a little talk.

- Yeah. - (door closes)

'Cause I saw you went to Penny Lane and Strawberry Fields.

Yeah.

Eleanor Rigby's grave.

I know.

'Cause you can't sing songs about places

you've never even been to.

- No. - No.

I thought as much.

Well, we just wanted to say thank you, that's all.

Thank me?

We three seem to be the only ones who remember.

And we can't sing.

So, we just wanted to say... thanks very much.

Myself also. From bottom of heart.

Oh, my God!

(laughs)

I thought you were gonna arrest me, or...

- No. It's just lovely to hear the songs. - Yeah.

I have missed them so.

Can't remember any of the lyrics.

- No. I'm struggling there as well. - I know.

"For the Benefit of Mr. Kite's" in completely the wrong order.

- Very big mess, indeed. - Oh, yeah.

And "Hey Dude"? Really?

I can't apologize. It was bloody Ed Sheeran.

(laughing): But this is amazing!

Oh, God!

'Cause I feel like I-I've been running around

a foreign country and I've finally bumped into two people

who can speak English.

'Cause no one has ever heard of

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.

No one's ever lived ♪ in a yellow submarine ♪

- Submarine. A yellow submarine. - ♪ A yellow submarine ♪

ALL: ♪ A yellow submarine ♪

- We all live in a yellow submarine. - We do.

I-I live in "Octopus Garden."

- (laughs) - Yes!

Oh, you see.

(sighs)

See, here's my take, young Jack.

A world without The Beatles,

is a world that's infinitely worse.

So, thank you.

And use it well.

I'm trying, but it's hard.

There's so much money and success coming,

but I feel like I've become the definition of living a lie.

Well, I can see it might feel like that.

We thought this might help.

(quietly): I beg your pardon?

Here. We've done... (sighs)

a lot of digging.

- (sighs) - (door closes)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(wind whistling)

(knocking)

Hello.

Can I help?

I don't know.

Are you John?

That's right.

- From Liverpool? - That's right.

It's an honor to meet you.

(whistling)

JACK: John?

JOHN: Yeah?

JACK: Have you had a happy life?

JOHN: Very.

JACK: But not successful.

I just said "very happy."

That means successful.

Did a job I enjoyed day after day.

Sailed the world.

Fought for things I believed in and won...

a couple of times.

Found a woman I loved.

Fought hard to keep her, too.

Lived my life with her.

Fought hard for her?

There were complica... (sighs)

Sorry, what-what's your name?

Jack.

There were complications, young Jack.

Loss and gain.

Prejudice and pride.

But...

it all turned out just...

fab.

How's your love life?

Bad.

I let her slip away.

Try to get her back.

You want a good life?

It's not complicated.

Tell the girl you love that you love her.

And tell the truth to everyone whenever you can.

Can I give you a hug?

What?

It's so good to see you.

How old are you?

Seventy-eight.

Fantastic!

You made it to 78.

You're a very strange man. (sighs)

But go ahead.

(Jack sighs)

JOHN: You need serious psychiatric help.

Not anymore.

♪ ♪

(ringtone plays): ♪ I'm in love with the shape of you ♪

Jack.

- Ed. - How can I help?

I need to ask quite a big and strange favor.

- ♪ ♪ - (cheering)

(Ed vocalizing)

All right?

DEBRA: My boy.

JACK: Debra.

(quietly): Cheers.

Poor Ed.

John the Baptist.

Nice guy,

one or two pretty good songs, but was basically

warming the world up for you.

The Messiah.

Soon to be the most successful artist in the history of music.

And the reason I'm going to be buying

not just one more house in Malibu,

but the entire beachfront.

- (sighs) Well, it's good to see you, Debra. - Um...

d... So, does anybody know why you're actually here?

Um...

I'm gonna spice up Ed's set with a couple of songs,

and then, um,

there's a little something I want to say.

Songs, I love songs.

Thing you'd like to say...

I'd keep it brief. (chuckles)

I've never heard you say anything interesting before.

I don't know why tonight would be the big breakthrough.

- (chuckles softly) - Have a good show.

Thank you. Helpful.

(muffled cheering)

(sighs) You're on.

(exhaling): Okay.

- Is she here? - Yeah.

(quietly): Okay.

- Remember the plan. - Yeah.

When I get to the last song...

ROCKY: Hey, I'm ready.

(cheering)

ED: Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Now, the gig is not quite over.

I have one last surprise for you all.

I'm gonna bring on an old friend.

I know him as my dodgy Moscow support act,

you know him as a man that writes very, very good songs.

Wembley Stadium, please make some noise for Mr. Jack Malik!

(cheering)

All right. Over to you, maestro.

Thanks.

ROCKY: Wembley,

please welcome to the stage,

the greatest human being who ever lived.

My best friend.

Your hero.

Sir Jack Malik!

- Yeah, Jack! - Whoo!

- Jack! Jack! - Jack! Whoo!

(cheering quiets)

♪ Well, she was just 17 ♪

♪ You know what I mean ♪

♪ And the way she looked ♪

Jack!

♪ Was way beyond compare ♪

♪ Here comes the sun ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Here comes the sun, and I say ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

So, when did you first realize

that your son was too good for you?

- (laughs) - ♪ Sun, sun, sun, here it comes ♪

♪ Back in the US, back in the US ♪

♪ Back in the USSR ♪

♪ Nothing you can say ♪

♪ But you can learn how to play the game ♪

♪ It's easy ♪

(band playing)

♪ Nothing you can make that can't be made ♪

♪ Nothing you can save ♪

- Brass band, huh? - ♪ That can't be saved ♪

- Are we paying these jokers? - ♪ Nothing you can do ♪

♪ But you can learn how to be you in time ♪

♪ It's easy ♪

Everybody!

♪ All you need is love ♪

♪ ♪

♪ All you need is love ♪

- Come backstage, Ellie. - What? (chuckles)

- ♪ All you need is love ♪ - Coming through.

- ♪ Love, love is all you need ♪ - Yeah, excuse me.

♪ All you need is love ♪

All together now!

Come, come, come, come, come, come, come. See that?

JACK: Everybody!

Yeah. Just...

- Just stand right there. Yeah, stand there. Trust me. - What?

♪ Love is all you need. ♪

(cheering)

And now, there's, um,

there's someone I'd like to introduce you to.

If we could just switch on the backstage camera.

(cheering)

- Oh! (laughs) - Oh! (laughs) It's Ellie!

This is Ellie.

- (cheering) - LUCY: Hi, Ellie!

JACK: And when I had no fans, Ellie was my only fan.

The only person in the world who believed in me.

And that's why, tonight, I asked Ed

if I could come on and play,

'cause I want to tell her... and you,

- what I've done. - WOMAN: What are you saying?

Darn it, Ellie, I've been untrue.

All the songs I've sung tonight were really written

and performed by four men called John Lennon,

Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Ringo Starr.

The Beatles.

They were the real geniuses.

Me, I'm just a, sort of,

go-between to, well,

get their astonishing stuff into the world.

- MAN: Beatles? - And, uh, I-I-I passed their amazing work off

as my own so I could look like I was amazing, too.

(crowd jeering)

I want you all to know that I'm not gonna take any money

for this work that isn't mine.

So, you can have all the songs for free.

Rocky, do it.

ROCKY: Right. Here goes.

JACK: They're being released, for free, online now.

And I'd love to not take any more praise for it.

So, um...

I'm so sorry.

And while I'm at it, there's one other thing to say as well,

because... I've been a fool twice over.

And I want to thank Ellie...

- for her love. - CROWD: Aw!

(Carol sighs)

And, Ellie...

Elle...

- I love you. - CROWD: Aw!

- Aw. - (laughs): Oh.

I always have.

Always.

That's definitely enough talking for one night.

(chuckles)

But it's been a blast.

- (cheering) - MAN: We love you, Jack!

WOMAN: We still love you!

(cheering continues)

(cheering loudly)

(panting): Where's the stage?

What floor is this?

Where is the goddamn stage?!

- Oh, my God. - I know.

- (sighs) - That's a lot of information to take in.

I know.

Well, if you'd told me I was gonna be on the big screen,

I'd have got my hair done.

(chuckles) I'm sorry.

You didn't write any of the songs?

(quietly): No.

That is very bad behavior.

- On a global scale. - Yeah.

It's very bad.

Well, this is a strange one.

Of course I've always known I was number two.

But that's not a bad place to be.

Some of the best songs never made it to number one.

"Common People" by Pulp, for a start.

It's a total classic.

And obviously all I want is for Ellie to be happy.

Gavin.

Best man I ever met.

(kisses)

- (sighs) Thank you, Gavin. - MAN: He's here.

- He's here! - Go on. - What is that?

- Oh, God. - GAVIN: Go! - Jack! - Jack!

- Oh, my... We should definitely go! - Yeah, yeah.

- Shit! - (all clamoring)

Where's that lying son of a bitch?

Move, idiots!

MAN: Look, he's here!

- Jack! - (clamoring)

Jack, please take me with you.

No one else will employ me.

I-I'm rubbish at my job.

Just hold them off, Rocky.

In the name of money, stop!

Get back here, you stupid, English mother...

- Uh, ooh. Sorry, Debra. - Jack!

ROCKY: Debra, stop this.

- You're embarrassing yourself. - Jack!

ED SHEERAN: ♪ It's such a beautiful night ♪

♪ To make a change in our lives ♪

♪ East Anglian sky, empty bottle of wine ♪

♪ I got you by my side ♪

♪ Talking 'bout love and life ♪

♪ Oh, how lucky you're mine when I look in your eyes ♪

♪ What a wonderful way to spend a moment or two ♪

♪ To be lying awake and be here talking to you ♪

♪ I got somethin' to say and know what I gotta do ♪

♪ To be making a change, now the moment of truth ♪

♪ Why am I feeling so nervous? ♪

♪ When things are going so perfect ♪

♪ But I know that it's worth it ♪

♪ To spend forever with you ♪

♪ And so I count to three ♪

♪ And get on one knee ♪

♪ And I ask you ♪

♪ Darling, honestly ♪

♪ I've waited all this time ♪

♪ Just to make it right ♪

♪ So, I'll ask you tonight ♪

♪ "Will you marry me?" ♪

♪ Just say yes ♪

♪ One word, one love, one life... ♪

Oh, I feel like Harry Potter after he defeated Voldemort.

At last, everything can go back to normal.

Isn't normal wonderful?

Who?

Sorry?

Harry Potter. Who's he?

♪ Your hand in mine ♪

♪ Some things were just meant to be ♪

♪ Hearts intertwined ♪

- ♪ Some things were just meant to be ♪ - No one.

- Nothing. - ♪ In perfect time ♪

♪ Some things were just meant to be ♪

Time for bed.

- (sighs) Time. - ♪ Oh, you and I ♪

♪ Some things were just meant to be. ♪

(acoustic guitar playing)

♪ Desmond has a barrow in the marketplace ♪

♪ Molly is a singer with a band ♪

♪ Desmond says to Molly, "Girl, I like your face" ♪

♪ And Molly says this as she takes him by the hand ♪

ALL: ♪ Ob-la-di, ob-la-da ♪

♪ Life goes on, brah ♪

♪ Lala, how their life goes on ♪

Okay.

♪ In a couple of years they have built a home sweet home ♪

♪ With a couple of kids running in the yard ♪

♪ Of Desmond and Molly Jones ♪

♪ Ha-ha-ha-ha ♪

♪ Happy ever after in the marketplace ♪

♪ Molly lets the children lend a hand ♪

♪ Desmond stays at home and does a pretty face ♪

♪ And in the evening she's a singer in a band ♪

One last time!

♪ Ob-la-di, ob-la-da ♪

♪ Life goes on, brah ♪

♪ Lala, how their life goes on ♪

♪ Ob-la-di, ob-la-da ♪

♪ Life goes on, brah ♪

♪ Lala, how their life goes on ♪

And if you want some fun!

♪ Take Ob-la-di-bla-da. ♪

(cheering)

(whooping)

(laughs)

Yes!

(cheering continues)

THE BEATLES: ♪ Hey, Jude ♪

♪ Don't make it bad ♪

♪ Take a sad song and make it better ♪

♪ Remember to let her into your heart ♪

♪ Then you can start ♪

♪ To make it better ♪

♪ Hey, Jude, don't be afraid ♪

♪ You were made to ♪

♪ Go out and get her ♪

♪ The minute you let her under your skin ♪

♪ Then you begin to make it better ♪

♪ And anytime you feel the pain ♪

♪ Hey, Jude, refrain ♪

♪ Don't carry the world ♪

♪ Upon your shoulders ♪

Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org

♪ For well you know that it's a fool ♪

♪ Who plays it cool ♪

♪ By making his world ♪

♪ A little colder ♪

♪ Nah, nah-nah, nah-nah, nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

♪ Hey, Jude ♪

♪ Don't let me down ♪

♪ You have found her, now go and get her ♪

♪ Remember to let her into your heart ♪

♪ Then you can start to make it better ♪

♪ So let it out and let it in ♪

♪ Hey, Jude, begin ♪

♪ You're waiting for someone ♪

♪ To perform with ♪

♪ And don't you know that it's just you ♪

♪ Hey, Jude, you'll do ♪

♪ The movement you need ♪

♪ Is on your shoulder ♪

♪ Nah, nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

♪ Nah-nah, nah-nah, yeah ♪

♪ Hey, Jude ♪

♪ Don't make it bad ♪

♪ Take a sad song and make it better ♪

♪ Remember to let her under your skin ♪

♪ Then you'll begin ♪

♪ To make it better ♪

♪ Better, better, better, better, better ♪

♪ I'm begging you ♪

♪ Oh! Yeah... ♪

- ♪ Nah, nah, nah-nah, nah-nah ♪ - ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪

♪ Nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

♪ Hey, Jude ♪

♪ Nah, nah-nah, nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

♪ Nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

♪ Hey, Jude ♪

♪ Nah, nah-nah, nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

♪ Nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

♪ Hey, Jude ♪

♪ Nah, nah-nah, nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

♪ Nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

♪ Hey, Jude ♪

♪ Jude, Judy, Judy, Judy, Judy, Judy, ow, wow! ♪

- ♪ Nah, nah-nah, nah-nah, nah-nah ♪ - ♪ Oh, my, my, my ♪

♪ Nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

♪ Hey, Jude ♪

♪ Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude ♪

♪ Nah, nah-nah, nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ - ♪ Nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

- ♪ Hey, Jude ♪ - ♪ Yeah, you know you can make it, Jude ♪

♪ Jude, you're not gonna break it ♪

♪ Nah, nah-nah ♪

- ♪ Don't make it bad, Jude ♪ - ♪ Nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

- ♪ Take a sad song and make it better ♪ - ♪ Nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

- ♪ Hey, Jude ♪ - ♪ Oh, Jude, Jude, hey, Jude ♪

♪ Wow... ♪

♪ Nah, nah-nah, nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

- ♪ Ooh, Jude ♪ - ♪ Nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

♪ Hey, Jude ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Nah, nah-nah, nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ Nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

♪ Hey, Jude ♪

♪ Now, Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude ♪

- ♪ Nah, nah-nah, nah-nah, nah-nah ♪ - ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

- ♪ Hey, Jude ♪ - (vocalizing)

♪ Nah, nah-nah, nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

♪ Nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

♪ Hey, Jude ♪

♪ Nah-nah-nah-nah- nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah... ♪

♪ Nah, nah-nah, nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

♪ Pain won't come back, Jude ♪

♪ Nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

♪ Hey, Jude ♪

♪ Nah, nah-nah, nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

♪ Nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

♪ Hey, Jude ♪

- ♪ Nah, nah-nah, nah-nah, nah-nah ♪ - ♪ Yeah... ♪

♪ Make it through ♪

♪ Nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

- ♪ Hey, Jude ♪ - ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪

♪ Nah, nah-nah, nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

♪ Nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

- ♪ Hey, Jude ♪ - ♪ Good evening, ladies and gentlemen ♪

♪ Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma... ♪

♪ Nah, nah-nah, nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

♪ Nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

♪ Hey, Jude ♪

♪ Nah, nah-nah, nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

♪ Nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

♪ Hey, Jude ♪

♪ Well, then a nah, nah-nah, nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

♪ Nah-nah, nah-nah ♪

♪ Hey, Jude. ♪

(song fades)