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1 The Darkhawks will rue the day they attempted to destroy Asgard

with this mechanical imposter of your beloved rodent.

However, their treachery has yielded us a weapon

which will rain down our vengeance upon their realm.

And especially upon their leader, my brother, the Serpent.

Um, just so we're clear, Your Odin-ness,

that's after we rescue Rocket and everyone else the Darkhawks captured, right?

My brother will not yield without a fight, Peter Quill.

Which is why I had your weapons upgraded...

in the Forge of Asgard.

I am Groot.

I have not forgotten you, Monarch of the Branch Worlds,

Ruler of All He Shades.

I am Groot!

And now, brave Guardians, my son, Prince Thor,

will enlighten you on the particulars of your quest.

[beeps]

As we have just recently learned,

the conduit between our galaxy and the Serpent's fortress

lies within the Continuum Cortex of Knowhere,

which is currently in the hands of the Darkhawks.

We Asgardians will storm the giant celestial head in glorious battle,

risking life and limb against overwhelming odds,

to take down every last Darkhawk.

Meanwhile, you common Guardians

will employ your usual methods of sneakiness, thievery,

and general skullduggery...

For a vital mission...

Which none of you will likely survive. Huzzah!

Huzz... Wait. What was the last part?

Uh, huzzah...

What Fandral meant to say was,

while we create a diversion on Knowhere,

you will sneak into the Darkhawk realm

and plant the bomb at the base of the energy core,

located at the very heart of the Serpent's fortress.

Will we not then be destroyed along with the Darkhawk realm?

Nay, friend Drax,

if you escape through the Darkhawk side of the Continuum Cortex.

Which is located where, exactly?

'Tis pity I know not, Gamora.

Heed well, Guardians.

Should your mission fail, I shall personally destroy all of Knowhere,

thus preventing the Serpent and his army of Darkhawks

from ever invading our galaxy again.

And trapping you in the Darkhawk realm for all eternity.

Huzzah-aah!

Heimdall, open the Bifrost!

We can ill afford to provide the Serpent a direct path into Asgard,

so Heimdall will transport you as close to his fortress as possible.

Okay, remind me why we're on board with this plan.

I am Groot.

[sighs] Just had to play the family card, didn't you?

Okay, hate to admit it, but I'm starting to think Fandral was right

on the whole "not surviving" thing!

We are not as close to the Serpent's fortress as possible,

but we are approaching it rapidly.

Okay, everyone, get ready to jump.

Jump where?

On me!

I am Groot!

Whee!

Not exactly welcoming, is it?

What gave you the first clue?

Perhaps the fact that there are no doors and windows.

We need to scale the wall and make our way in from the top.

Or punch our way in from the bottom! [grunting]

I am Groot.

Or maybe we can just call for some chick up in the tower to let down her golden hair.

[sighs] Earth story. Never mind.

I am Groot!

Well, it's not Sister Golden Hair, but it'll do.

Now what? We can't just stroll around inside a Darkhawk base.

Hmm? How about we hitch a ride?

But those pods are for the Darkhawks' prisoners.

Exactly. Look, if we get in them,

they'll lead us straight to the folks we're trying to rescue.

[grunts]

I am Groot!

Get down! [grunts]

Are you trying to get us caught?

What? These upgraded blasters take some getting used to.

[Darkhawk guard] These pods should not block the hallway.

Put them with the others.

[Drax] That is a great number of prisoners.

[Quill] Yeah, which is why they put the Continuum Cortex portal to Knowhere

right here in this room.

We need to find Rocket.

I don't suppose the Darkhawks thought to label the prison pods,

maybe print a helpful index?

I am Groot!

[Quill] The whole Galactic Council's here.

And the entire population of Knowhere. But still no Rocket.

You are correct, Gamora. That pod does not contain Rocket.

You Darkhawks won't take me alive... again!

[all grunting]

Aw, you like that? A little something I rigged up from bits of your buddies!

Rocket, wait! It's us! The real us!

Nice try, Darkhawk. Think I don't know an imposter when I s... [yells]

[grunts] Aah!

Aah!

[grunts]

[grunts] Groot! They got you too?

I am Groot!

[grunts]

[both grunting]

[Rocket grumbling]

[grunts]

Now see how you like being turned into Darkhawk dust!

It's us, Rocket. Put down the weapon.

You're all Darkhawks.

The real Quill is, like, 20 pounds fatter.

What? No, I'm not.

I am Groot!

Oh, that's just what a Darkhawk would say.

Destroy the intruders.

Or they might say something like that.

[Darkhawk guard] Destroy the intruders.

Okay, slight possibility... only slight...

that I was wrong,

and you guys are the real deal.

Drax will prove the realness of his deal.

[yells]

[grunting]

[grunting]

I... am... Groot!

So, what happened to my faux-bot?

That is a funny story. He rigged himself into a bomb

that we're gonna use to blow up the whole Darkhawk realm.

[laughs] Who knew fake me was so awesome?

I'd rather have a real you back.

I must say, these upgraded weapons

made short work of those Darkhawks.

Evacuating these prisoners, however, will be extremely long work.

Well, then, let's start with two who can help.

Peter Quill...

What exactly is going on here?

Uh, so, long story, Nova Prime.

Cosmo give short version.

Darkhawks replace people in galaxy.

Guardians here to destroy evil Serpent man

and rescue every people.

It's like you read my mind, Cosmo.

Oh, wait. You did.

This animal is a telepath?

Da. And good dog with good plan.

Nova Prime, please to go through portal

and play fetch with Cosmo and prisoner pods.

Cosmo will explain while we make rescue.

Come on, guys. We got a bomb to plant.

I thought you'd never ask.

Ugh. I hope that telepathic mongrel

can load those prison pods faster than one at a time.

Stop what you are doing. Heel!

Back away, and Cosmo will not hurt!

How did you get here? You were on the other side of the portal.

Unless...

Cosmo will no longer be needing disguise.

[grunts]

Darkhawks are everywhere.

[grunts]

[grunting]

And soon whole galaxy will know.

Nothing will stop Darkhawks!

[descending whirring]

Nothing but the might of Asgard!

[Rocket] So this Serpent guy is really Odin's brother?

[chuckles] I can see the resemblance.

[Drax] And yet he does not resemble a serpent.

Odin still fears him, so we'd better not risk waking him.

Huh! Seriously?!

This is what fake Darkhawk me calls a bomb?

Shh!

[quieter] I could build a better bomb in my sleep.

Give me one of your electromagnets, Quill.

- [Quill, quietly] Fine, but don't make any noise. - [clicks]

Ahhh...

[loud beep, whirring]

[gasping breath]

[weak, raspy voice] Intruders.

Oh, man. This dude's a much lighter sleeper than Odin.

And needs a lozenge.

Whosoever utters the name

of my accursed brother

shall perish in indescribable agony. [exhales]

[roaring]

So that is why he is called the Serpent.

Okay, definitely feeling the threat now.

[roaring]

[Quill] No need to panic. They're just standing there, right?

[weak, raspy voice] Destroy them!

[Quill] Now we can panic!

I am Groot!

[yells]

[groaning]

[grunting]

[groans, grunts]

Aahh! [groans]

Krutack! They're canceling out our energy weapons.

Then we'll just have to overload them.

[roaring]

[Gamora] Or make them more powerful.

You and your weapons reek of Asgard.

If my brother thinks he can defeat me with underlings...

I really don't have time to wait for you to get to the end of that sentence, so...

Aah! [grunts]

Huh?

Even a simple explosive device is beyond your mortal abilities.

For your information, Serpie, it's a vibrational device!

And Quill triggered the detonator before it reached optimum frequency!

- [yells] - Ow!

What, so it's harmless now?

Did I say that?

So, move up the part of the plan where we get the flarg outta here?

The bomb's running a power-boost feedback loop,

which makes our chances practically nil.

Better than we usually get. Go!

[Drax] Cosmo, flee, now!

[Cosmo] Cosmo not have fleas,

and he's not yet finished evacuating prisoners.

But you got everyone who owes me units, right?

Just hurry up so we can get to Knowhere before Odin decides to blow it up.

[pants] And here I thought

I'd have to infiltrate the entire galaxy

to get to my brother.

[roaring]

Keep him away from the portal!

[grunting]

[yells]

[grunts]

[yells]

Odin thought he could separate me

from Asgard's life-giving World Tree.

He left me the withered husk I am now,

but no longer! [grunts]

Aah! [straining]

[yells, grunts]

[yells, grunts]

[grunts]

[grunts]

Will anything stop these overgrown mealworms?

Nothing you possess, rodent.

- [Rocket] Don't call me "rodent"! - [yells]

[grunts]

[grunts] Whoa!

[roaring]

[growling]

Yield, creature!

Hang on, guys! I got an idea!

[roaring]

[screeching]

Now I will be All-Father.

I will reign over the Nine Realms

and the entire galaxy.

Here's another option. Go back to sleep for another 10,000 years.

[grunts]

All prisoners safe in Knowhere.

Time for Guardians and Cosmo to be leaving.

Preferably before those snakes escape.

- [roaring] - Which is now no longer an option.

Wait. You... Ohh!

[all grunt]

[quivering voice] I am Groot.

I know he's scary-looking. That don't mean you gotta stare at him!

[roaring]

I am Groot!

[roaring]

[yells, groans]

Ha! We're alive!

In your moo-stached face, Fandral!

- Ow. [laughs] - Huzzah.

[both yell]

I am Groot!

What do you mean, something's got your leg?

[straining]

I am Groot!

Just chop it off! You'll grow another one!

This is not being good!

[Thor] Stand back, Guardians.

This is Asgard's fight.

Brother, I banished you once to the far side of the galaxy.

I have the power to do so again.

You squandered your power, brother.

You could have conquered the galaxy,

made its inhabitants your servants!

A just ruler does not need servants.

My people follow of their own free will.

[Thor, Heimdall, Fandral] Huzzah!

[roaring]

For Asgard! [yells]

[laughing]

[grunting]

[grunts]

[yells]

[grunting]

Ha-hah! [grunts, groans]

Asgard's getting the krutack kicked out of them!

[yells, grunts]

[groaning]

[cries out]

I look forward to destroying you, Brother Odin,

- but not before making you watch the destruction - [gasps]

of your own son, Thor!

[roaring]

No!

We just gonna stand here and watch?

Come on, Quill. Distract him with one of your stupid dance-offs.

Dude, he's already distracted.

- [laughing] - Now's our chance!

[crackling]

Huh?

You're treading on thin ice.

[grunting]

Please to keep Serpent off-balance. Go!

- [grunts] - Aah!

Yo, Serpie, watch your step!

[grunts]

[screams]

And that's how you take down a Serpent.

[Thor crying out]

Down but not out. He's still connected to his energy snakes.

[crying out]

Then we must sever that connection. [grunting]

You can't sever an energy portal!

Portal must be held open on Darkhawk side.

Cosmo cannot shut off!

Why shut it off when you can blow it up?

I am Groot?

Yes, you can push the buttons, bud.

Push all the buttons!

[giddy laughter]

[yells]

Guys?

[grunts]

Overload faster!

[grunts]

I lay claim to my birthright!

I will rule Asgard and all the galaxy!

The galaxy has other plans.

All will tremble before the might of the Serpent!

[grunts]

I will never give up!

[Quill] And apparently you'll never shut up, either!

Can we move this thing along?

Aahh!

[yells]

Odin, the day of my retribution

is coming! [yelling]

Guardians, once again, I am in your debt.

We accept all forms of payment...

units, weapons, Asgardian gold.

I had another kind of payback in mind.

[grunts]

I am Groot! I am Groot! I am Groot!

I am...

- Before I take you down, I wanna hear you say my name. - Huh?

Say it.

It's "Star-Lad," right?

Ugh! Seriously?! Do I...

[grunts]

Huzzah!

[grunts]

[clattering]

Fandral!