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Alright folks.

Hope you’re having a good time. You’ve been a great crowd.

Here we go. Two guys are out golfing.

They're about to put. First guy lines his shot

up, and just as he does, a funeral procession

passes by the golf course.

Well, the guy takes his hat off,

and he watches the entire procession go by.

The guy that’s with him goes, “my god,

that's the most respectful thing I've ever seen in my life.

The guy goes, “yep, we would've been married 25 years today.”

Alright, everybody last joke. Here we go. A beat up guy

is walking down a Las Vegas strip.

He walks up to a tourist

and says, “Hey man, I lost my credit cards.”

My family and I are broke,

and I’m just trying to get them some food

and some gas for the car to get 'em home.

Can you spare anything?”

Well, the man starts to give 'em twenty dollars

and then he says, “Hey, you're not gonna use this

to gamble are you?”

Beat up guy goes,

“Oh no, I’ve got gambling money.”

Alright folks, that's it for me. Have a great night.

And good luck at the tables out there.

Ladies and gentlemen

- Killed tonight. - I’d have done better if those

two clowns hadn’t heckled me earlier.

- You handled it good. - Eh.

Hey, you got a sec?

Jets covered by two and a half.

Lost by seven. Cardinal's ate ‘em up.

Shit! That ruined the three team parlay.

How’d the chargers do?

Fouts threw two interceptions. Lost by 14.

Ah, that was my chase bet. Alright.

Hey, gimme the line on Monday night,

and I'll get the money to clean this mess up.

Buddy,

you're in everyone's pocket, how you gonna do that?

I'll handle it.

I got stuff to run by you.

Not now.

Gimme 10.

- Loved the whale joke. - Love the hat.

Oh, Pete, remember that game we were talking about?

- Yeah. - I took the cardinals.

They won by seven.

Now Bobby and I could finally take

that trip to Palm Springs.

- Great. Send me a postcard. - Sure thing, Pete.

Everybody's winning.

It’s Pete, leave me a message.

Mr. Finnegan? This is Linda from Nevada Bell.

This is our final call.

You have until Monday, 5:00 PM

to pay the outstanding balance of $325.

Before we shut your phone off.

Please return this call as soon as possible.

You can reach me at 555-2425.

It was your final call yesterday.

Mr. Finnegan,

this is John

with the Las Vegas Federal Credit Union.

Please call us back as soon as possible.

You have until the 24th before your car is repossessed

and returned to the bank.

Please get ahold of me here at Las Vegas

Federal with any questions.

Hey Pete, you there? It's Jimmy. PD. You better pick up.

Alright, call me when you get this.

I may stop by the club later.

You better have something good for me.

Ugh

Mr. Finnegan it’s our fourth and final call.

As you know, your car insurance has lapsed again.

We need proof of insurance.

I can't make the car payment. What makes you think I

could pay the insurance?

Call at 1 (800) 555-2500.

Here's another fine mess.

What? What now?

Don't kill me, I'm just the messenger.

Jimmy's on the floor, and he’s not looking very happy.

Go get his money.

That it?

Louie's been in-and-out a couple times.

He asked about the show. - My show?

I didn't say anything.

Anything else?

Nah. Except you know that shireen Broad?

The one who's always looking for you?

Well, she's looking for you.

What are you bringing that up for?

You asked if there was anything else.

She's Johnny B's wife. You know that.

- Yeah, I know that. - Okay.

So there's nothing to talk about - Alright.

You know there's nothing going on there,

right?

Yeah. Okay.

All right. Go away.

You know you could be a real

asshole sometimes.

Oh, and by the way, I got a couple pails waiting for you.

You’re set for the slots.

Nobody's in the room, so you have your picking machines.

I'm going home now.

Shit.

What's wrong with you?

Go say you're sorry.

What are you smiling at?

Oh, hello ladies.

Be nice. Very nice. Be nice to me right now.

I been nice to you all.

At a girl. One more time.

One more time.

Nice.

Would you like a little more to eat? Huh?

You still hungry?

I’ll pay five. You pay me 20. That's our deal, right?

I think that's our deal.

Five. Five.

Oh!

Very nice. Very nice. You gonna be nice? You gonna be nice?

Are you gonna be nice? At a girl. Very nice. Very nice.

Who loves you? I do.

That’s who. I do.

Alright.

Oh, come on now.

Okay.

Be good to me. Be good to me. There's some aces.

Be good to me.

Be good now. Be good. There you go.

There's a little royalty. We love the paint.

We love paint cards. We sure do. Oh, come on. So close.

I'm jacked off. Huh?

Sorry, my bad.

Come on. Come on.

Okay. Slow down.

Slow down. Slow down.

I knew you were gonna do it.

I knew you were gonna do it before we did it.

Good. Nice. Now come on.

We’ve been together a long time.

Funny man, get wiped up.

Is it gone now?

Never heard a joke about a whale before. Good one.

Luck will be good for you tonight.

- How do you know? - The great spirit.

Luck may be bad for some. Good for others.

Dangerous for some.

Thanks for taking care of me, Jackie.

You know about the steak and eggs at the golden nugget.

- So good. - Best meal for $2.29 in town.

Thank you for my steak and eggs. Enough for a good tip now.

You sure?

Yes. It's bad luck for me here.

It's good luck for me eating steak and eggs.

I'll be back later, Whale joke man.

Just delightful.

Shit. Damn, okay

so we need to reload.

You be good to me today.

Smoking an unlit cigarette.

Talking to a plastic unicorn of genius.

Hm.

- Words out. - Hey Jenny.

- You had 'em howling. - I killed.

- Oh, so humble. - Murdered, slayed.

Decapitated.

Oh yeah, I heard. - Will you do me a favor?

May I have a Virgin Mary,

40 bucks worth of quarters, and please keep the change?

Yes sir. Hair decapitator.

Hey, how'd you pull off the whole non-smoking thing?

You don't ask, you don't get.

I asked 'em to try it as an experiment. Maybe it'll stick.

Besides, I need to quit.

Yes you do.

Right.

Fuck me sideways. You’re on this fucking machine again.

- The early bird gets the worm. - And sick fuck

gamblers are always sick as fuck.

You playing long?

Until I start to lose.

You got my money?

I'm working on that.

Pete, you wanna know what they say about patience?

What's that, Jimmy? It fucking runs out.

I borrowed some of that money. You know that,

right Pete?

And I like you,

but the guys I owe ...

I'll get the money.

Hey, heard you were funny tonight.

Every dog has his day. I'll be back in an hour.

I gotta go pick up some Testonis from a guy upstairs.

Am I supposed to know what Testonis are?

A sneak aware mother fucker

Like you's got no idea what Testonis are?

Why not?

Cause they're 15 grand a pair. That's why.

- Who the hell even wears those? - A Chinaman I know is good.

Every year he calls me. Wants me to pick him up,

polish ‘em, do a little heel work.

I'm the only guy in Vegas he trusts.

Take it he's financially secure.

Yeah, right.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

You know that cocktail waitress, Jenny?

Yeah. You mean the one with the kid, Jasmine?

Yeah. So... She was just-

I took a run at her.

Bitch told me to stop bothering her.

You win some, you lose some, Jimmy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hear her kid’s in the

emergency room, like, twice a month.

She's got that, uh, that bad breathing type shit.

She’s gotta wear this oxygen thingy all the time. What,

she spends every cent on the kid?

Hey, uh, what size?

13 D.

How'd you know?

'Cause I'm a professional, Pete.

And you need to get my money.

Shit.

Just sat down, ladies.

But I hear the corner machine is bloated and ready to pop.

Hear from who?

Well, let's just say he has enough keys on his key chain

to open any machine in the casino.

Technicians told you that?

Alice, why would a freaking tech wanna

rat out his own place? Huh?

- Suit yourselves. - You planted to play here long?

Until I start losing.

- We won $600 yesterday. - Why tell him.

I’m telling you that the

corner machine is ready to pop.

What’s it hurt? Throw five, ten dollars at it.

Because you have the only working

poker machine, that's why.

Ladies, I am here until I start losing.

- Fuck it. - 10 bucks.

Max. - Not a penny more.

- Not a penny more. - You're right.

- Never keep your promise. - I won't do it this time.

- I want that machine. - He doesn't know ...

He doesn't know.

No, we don't.

Why?

See, I was supposed to.

Oh,

Well, one down nine to go.

- Did you hear about Liz? - What about her?

Now she's working over at the human plaza.

Now this freaking Arab sits at her table for three hours.

Won 600 grand and tips her 50k. - Oh!

I'll expect a thank you note.

Let's see. Oh my goodness. It's my biggest win. I think.

I know exactly. Wait, what? Hang on.

- That is weird. - What? You're not gonna pay?

I want a pit boss and a floor manager.

Calm down.

They're gonna pay. - They better pay.

- She broke. - She broke.

Ugh.

This machine is broke.

There's no more play in this machine.

We put a lot of good money in that machine

and now you're gonna stiff us.

I want a pit boss and a floor manager.

- I am the boss of the pit. - This doesn't add up.

Ladies, I recognize you

who were paying this spin.

However, this machine is down until it can be reparated.

So you go cash out of the cage. Capisce?

C’mon Alice, let’s go get

our money.

All right. I swear.

Congratulations, ladies.

Yeah, thanks for the tip. You notice it's bullshit, right?

They coming at me with all they shit talking about that.

Machine... Oh, I'm so sorry. Go ahead darling.

Bless our heart disturb...

What happened, machine broke?

Yeah. It's like they knew it wasn't supposed to hit

and when it did, weird.

Well, I could tell you stories about weird in this place.

Particularly in this room.

- Yeah, - But then I'd have to kill you.

You know, casino secrets.

Hmm?

Jimmy looked really pissed when I saw him.

Yeah, well, loan sharking will do that to a guy.

You know he's mobbed up, right?

Full-time mobster, part-time shoe maker.

Huh.

Only in Vegas. Is it true

he used to be the shoe guy for Wayne Newton back in the day?

- That's what I hear. - Strange. Thanks for the drink.

Thank you.

Hey. - Yes?

Please be careful. You don't wanna owe these guys.

Plus I like your face the way it is.

Alright.

- Lucky yet? - Kinda.

Patience.

That's weird.

- Hmm. Power failure? - Looks like.

Well, you are a very wise man.

- Excuse me? - You sir.

- Huh? - You are very wise man

to be playing at one of the best

machines in all of Las Vegas, sir.

This giant machine reminds me

of great giant film.

You know the one from Texas? James Dean Giant.

Well thanks.

I like the machine. I like the movie.

Does it say United on your shirt?

- Yes. - You a pilot?

Senior

737 mechanic, sir.

Cool. I love planes.

Ever since I'm a kid drawn Spitfires and ME

109s since junior high. Big fan.

I drew P 50 ones and Zeros.

Hey, you hear about that new Airbus plane.

The Germans, Brits, and French all helped

design it? It's supposed to be a great plane.

Junk.

If it ain't Boeing, I ain't going.

Really?

You can take it to the bank.

They say a camel is a horse designed by a committee, sir.

Getting the French, the Brits,

and the Germans to agree on what to serve

for lunch is almost a war.

Deciding an airframe. Brr, I shudder.

- Name’s Pete. - Akash.

- My gosh? - What?

Nevermind. It's great to meet you, Akash.

Here’s to nothing.

- I love this country! - Jackpot on your first spin?

Walk away.

Mr. Pete, I think you were right!

Oh, my wife will be very happy.

I will bring this money to her.

You might get lucky twice tonight, Akash.

My thoughts precisely, Mr. Pete.

Congrats. I'll help you out.

- Wow, thank you. - Sure, sure.

Wow, man, nice take.

- Wow. Congrats man. - Thank you. Good luck.

Good luck. - Yeah.

Woo.

What's wrong with you?

If it ain't the fricking comic. Donny.

How was the lounge today?

Ugh, like pulling fricking teeth.

Two things they liked. Fly

Fly to the Bumblebee and Louie Louie.

See my wife?

Not since I sat down a couple hours ago.

Late to every goddamn thing

every goddamn time.

You’re supposed to meet her here?

Duh. Think

I wanna be sitting in the lane

no smoking sections? Gimme a break.

You know, it's weird. The crowd that would like

Louie Louie

would also dig Bumble.

But, you are a world class accordion player.

Quarter box player.

I told you my quarter box

scores more than your piece of shit Chevy.

- Quarter box. I'm sorry. - Not an accordion.

It could sound like a Hammond V three of Rhodes piano.

The son of a bitch got 66 tubes in the circuit.

I get it.

I know, I know, I know.

I'm a world class actor on an instrument

nobody ever heard of.

Ever been to Tijuana, Pete?

Don, you...

No, I’m serious. You ever been?

Yeah.

Sherene took me down there a couple years ago...

wanted to buy some Mexican blankets and pottery.

So we come to this one place that has, uh, velvet paintings.

Horrible tourist shit.

Jesus', Elvis's, Marilyn Monroe topless shit.

But then, out of the corner of my eye,

I see this one Elvis painting just,

It was like hidden behind a bunch of junk.

Like it wasn't even good enough to sell.

And the colors were subdued.

Not all bright and touristy,

but his face was just, it was full of paint.

It was like the guy who did the Mona Lisa snuck in

and he did this one Elvis painting.

So I asked “How much?”

and the guy says,

“Not enough money in the world for that one, señor.”

It was like, this guy did this one amazing painting just

to show the world to himself

that he wasn't a phony fucking hack.

Hey Johnny, how about the accordion...

quarter box...

It's gonna be hip again in a few years.

- ‘Till then? - Piano, organ, you're good.

Just play what's hip now,

and save the quarter box for tunes like Bumblebee.

Yeah.

You know, you compared to Louis Prima, right?

Only your show's funnier,

and your girls are sexier than Keely Smith

or that other broady, man. - They're both fricking dancers,

too.

Legit ballet, I mean, Sherene studied ballet

for eight fricking years.

- You are a very lucky man. - Yeah.

Yeah. This dumpy dago really scored, huh?

And if you don't mind me saying, those fishnets

and leotards, they were cut a quarter inch higher.

Both girls looked like their legs are six feet tall.

Just their legs.

I, I, I had nothing to do with it.

The girls picked them out. But yeah,

I call it a 10 pound feet and a 5 pound sock.

What's up with broads?

I just know they wanna know you're

looking without them catching you look.

Why is my wife always looking for you?

Always talking about you? - Huh?

“Meet me in that room where Pete plays.”

What's that all about?

She thinks I'm funny. And like, my job is to be funny.

I know that she's your wife, 100%, okay?

You seen Left Hook and Jimmy?

Jimmy went to go get some shoes off an oriental guy.

No Louie. Left Hook, where'd he get that name?

He used to box?

Yeah, he had a few pro fights.

More of a street fighter type.

Trust me, he's, he's parked cars of The Sands,

The Trop, The Frontier,

The Union Plaza, Caesars, The Nugget. Makes great tips.

But if he's had a few in him, he goes Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

on anybody who gives him any kind of shit.

His weapon? Left hook. One punch. Lights out. Boom.

Suprised he hasn't killed anybody.

Then they fire his ass.

The casinos, they give the victims a few grand.

Well, they give him a suite for a week

and he goes to work someplace else.

- And they keep hiring him? - It’s called protection.

His mom was a, was mormon royalty who was a widow

who married his dad, a piece of shit from Chicago.

So the mormons and the wise guys got his back.

Casinos suck it up. He keeps working.

I mean, he makes enough money with a strong arm work.

He don't need to park cars,

but he loves the stars who come through.

Aren't you kind of scared to

hang out with a guy like that?

He loves musicians. Loves Vegas.

I mean, every time he parks the for a,

for an actor type,

he gets all goo-goo gaga like a real star fucker.

Most of the time he's a pussycat.

But if he's at a few in him, walk the fuck away.

Either one of them shows,

Tell ‘em I'll be at the American Express office at Caesar’s.

- You lose your credit card? - Nah.

Some asshole kept yelling out play Louie Louie,

So I played the fricking tune for 35 minutes straight.

Guy tipped me an American Express travelers check

for 200 bucks.

So, I figure I better cash it in

before he sobers up and changes his mind.

- Did you go the dirty lyrics? - Duh.

Hey, when my wife shows up,

tell her her husband the cocksucker

who pays all the goddamn bills will be at the

American Express office

Caesars’, then we're gonna be at the Nugget.

I’ll paraphrase.

[Coins clinking}

Ah, luck and pain.

God.

Louis, you just missed Johnny B.

He, he went over to the Amex at Caesar's.

He said he wanted you to meet him over there.

Shit.

Is there a problem?

Yeah, they fired me. Twice.

I'm kind of persona non-

- Grata? - Yeah, that's it.

Saw some of your show.

Thanks?

Yeah, I was watching from the wings.

When'd you decide to do comedy? Tell stories for a living?

- You really want to know? - Yeah.

Well, I guess I was always kind of the class clown.

I was kinda the class fuck up.

Yeah, um, it, it, it came

to a head my freshman year of college.

I had a speech class,

but it was party time, you know,

so frat houses were selling beer

10 cents a giant red cup.

That's cheap. Yeah.

Since I had to study for chemistry

and English, I ignored the lame speech class.

You know, more time to party, right?

Yeah.

Problem was, I didn't turn in a lick of homework.

- Oh. - So I'm failing.

But the class was set up so

that your final speech was worth 50% of your grade.

- Alright. - So for 50% of the class,

if I can somehow pull off an A, then the ex cop teacher,

has to give me a C for the class.

- Ex-cop? - Ex LAPD.

Man. Fuck him.

Fuck him. Indeed.

Problem is,

What?

I'm hung over. I got no speech, I have no idea

what I'm gonna say in front of this class.

I got nothing!

You

are so screwed.

Bingo.

This pimply face kid is droning on

and on about the Maui Parrot bill going extinct.

He's got charts and photos, all kinds of stuff.

And then I see it. - See what?

On his metal trash can

The ex LAPD has put up one

of those fake basketball hoops. You know, like the real ones,

but with a four or five inch holes. Kind of, you try to hit

with a watered up piece of paper. Kind of a gag thing.

Yeah, I've seen those.

So parakeet boy finishes to weak applause.

Mr. LAPD looks at me and says,

“I guess it's your turn, Finnegan.”

Shit.

Yeah.

On the inside I'm thinking, “run!”

but on the outside I'm acting cocky as hell.

Mr. LAPD is smiling 'cause he knows I got nothing.

- Oh shit. - Yeah. So I'm smiling.

I'm shucking, I'm jiving.

- Fake it till you make it. - Exactly.

I, I start concocting this story about a popular new sport

sweeping the West coast called trash can hoops.

That's a great idea. That game could take off.

It's not a real game, Louie, but it is my 15 minutes.

So he lets me keep digging my own grave.

I'm talking about the history of the game.

Its origins, its roots. Complete bullshit.

But I am noticing cute girls are laughing out loud

and looking at me in ways that never

happened before.

That's what I'm talking about, Pete.

So I spiel for the whole 15 minutes, but

Mr. LAPD still thinks he's got me by the balls.

How's he got you by the balls?

He says, and I quote,

“Class you've just witnessed a fraud.

A talented young man with the gift of gab,

but a fraud. Public speaking must be truth based.

And those pretending to be experts must prove they're

bona fides and not just blow hot air.”

- Hmm? - That's what I'm thinking.

So I turn to the LAPD guy and I

and proclaim,

“Sir, every word I have just said

to you is 100% true.”

And he looks at me and says, “Alright Finnegan.

You sit in your seat

and throw a piece of paper through this hoop

and I'll give you an A.”

Fuck yeah.

So I grab a piece of notebook paper

I crumple it up in a ball.

I lick it like I'm some kind of expert.

And without looking, I lobbed this thing at the trash can and

Swish!

Nothing but net. Doesn't even hit the rim.

No fucking way.

I thought LAPD man was gonna piss his pants.

The class erupts. The two cutest girls in class giving

me their phone numbers.

Guys are high fiving me. It was unbelievable.

You really that good at throwing paper that

far?

What are you talking about?

It was a miracle. Never before or since

have I thrown anything at anything

and even come close to hitting it?

No. So it was like a sign?

A sign from God.

Right after that I did open mic

for the first time in my life.

Wow.

What a great story.

And look at you now.

You're all right Louie. Screw anyone who says otherwise.

Yeah.

Huh?

You know what I do?

You collect.

Listen to me, Pete.

If you have plastic, max it out.

Get a cash advance. Whatever.

If I get the call,

nothing personal, okay?

I, I understand.

If it comes to it,

Ah...

halfway up the forearm is the way to go.

Put the arm a certain way on a phone book

and it's one swift move.

Crack.

And you avoid all those tiny

bones in the wrist.

No compound fracture. Easy peasy.

Six weeks in a cast.

You're right-handed, right? - Yeah.

Then I'll do the left arm.

And that way you can still wipe your ass.

Don't worry, I'll stay way away from your face.

You still do your comedy.

Just tell 'em you slipped in the shower.

But do me a favor.

Call in some loans.

Max out the cards.

I, I'm, I'm really hearing you Louie.

If only you were an asshole. Job would be so much more fun.

Now one more thing. You ain't

You ain’t supposed to know none of this, okay?

But if you pay 30, 40% of your debt,

all collections

stop.

So if you owe 30k, just get 'em 12,

13 and they leave me out of it.

You gotta show respect.

No smart ass bullshit.

Just keep paying. Understood?

Yeah.

Major surgery, huh? - Excuse me?

A repair. The machine.

- Machines. - As in plural?

- As in weird. - Huh?

Huh?

Look, you, you work in the main room, right?

Pete Finnegan, world class comedian

for drunken Vegas degenerates, at your service.

Well, uh.

Oh! Do you mind?

No, take a load off.

Since you're almost an employee, I guess I can tell ya.

- Okay. - We have anomalies.

- Anomalies? - In this room only.

A few years ago we had a spike at the roulette wheels,

some weirdness at the craps table,

but we figured that out. We fired the dealer.

Wheels back to operating normally,

but out of dozens of slots

and games in this room,

we're paying out way beyond our calculations.

So you know when the machines are gonna hit?

Well, we don't cheat. We don't cheat,

but we have math PhDs in actuaries

who can pretty much predict within a couple percent

how each machine or game is gonna do.

You know, over time.

And when we get a room

or an area that overpays, it's called an anomaly.

- I've always loved this room. - Four causes.

Four causes?

Number one by large margin, cheating. Outside job.

Trust me, you've been on camera scrutinized

from the second you sat down.

No, no, don't, don't. Do not look up.

What are two, three, and four?

Two is inside job.

Three is machine malfunction.

And four is random/ unknown/luck.

This is a lucky room

- Or. - What?

- You ever see the exorcist? - I'm not gonna puke

pea soup, am I?

Sometimes, something comes in,

and for lack of a better word, takes possession of a room

or an area, a slot, a machine.

Even a table. There's this mobbed up casino in Quebec.

They found one table in the poker room was

producing off the chart wins.

They tried every single dealer they had.

All of them dealt winning hands to the players.

House was just gonna close the room down,

but the pit boss was some kind of Indian.

He suggested getting a medicine man, burn some sage,

say some prayers.

Sure enough.

Ding, ding, ding.

Winner winner, chicken dinner.

That table turned into a profit center.

Did you bring any sage?

I'm serious.

Oh, crap. I forgot my meter.

Well, I’d get while the getting's good.

There's a real possibility we shut this room down.

Oh, they don't think I'm cheating, do they?

Well if you are, you are using mind controller ESP.

You've been watched at this very

for weeks. Passed every test.

The boys actually think you're a regular non-pro player.

I gotta go get my meter. I'll be back.

You do that.

I'll be here.

Hey.

Johnny B. show?

Yeah. He went over to Caesar's.

Cashed some travelers checks.

- Was he going somewhere? - No,

it was a tip for playing Louie Louie for, like, 40 minutes.

What's in the box? - Those are the

Testonis

The box is nicer than any shoes I've ever owned.

I know, right? Uh, Johnny B say he's coming back?

Not sure. What are you guys up to?

- Breakfast at the Nugget. - Best eggs in town.

Eggs, steak and eggs. Eggs benedict. Eggs florentine.

And the potatoes on the ragged edge

of being burned. Not greasy at all.

- Mm. - Best thing is they serve

all day. - 24/7

heaven, my friend.

They still haven't fixed this machine?

- - Not yet. - I think it's got some kind of anomaly.

Shit on a shank.

You find a good machine, and these assholes shut it down.

Make me so mad. Fucking with me all the time.

I don't understand this thing

to leave me the fuck alone.

Every single one of you are assholes.

You just leave me alone.

The fuck is wrong with the world?

Machine's malfunction.

No, not the machine. Her.

There's always one that looks like she'd run into a burning

orphanage to save a baby.

And the other one looks like she'd eat a baby.

I don't know.

Hey Pete.

Yeah.

I got you something. Read it.

Read it. Please.

Oh, hello ladies.

- Ah. - Hey Mr. Man.

Miss money Penny.

You seen Johnny?

He was just here. Went to cash a check at the Amex place.

Yuck. Shaking my ass for half an hour to Louis Lui.

Things we do for our art, huh, Pete.

How do you look good after three shows a day?

Oh, jeans?

You're right. You look good in ‘em.

- What? - Your jeans.

G-E-N-E-S.

Well, your G-E-N-E-S look great in those J-E-A-N-S.

I heard you were on fire tonight. Everybody was talking

about a whale joke?

Narwhal. A kind of whale with a long horn for a snout.

Okay, let's hear it, funny man.

- No. - No, come on.

I love hearing your stories.

Alright, penguin wakes up in the middle of the ocean.

Sees he's frozen solid in a block of ice.

Can't move an inch.

A narwhal whale, the kind with a horn for a snout,

swims up to him. Penguin says, “Please Mr. Narwhal

Narwhal, can you break the ice?”

The Narwhal looks at him and goes, “You got any hobbies?”

- That's it? - It got you smiling.

Oh, okay. Yes. Fine.

You got me smiling, Pete.

You know, I was reading in Cosmo last month. They did a survey,

and they asked women what are the sexiest things

that a man can do for a girl.

Diamonds, new Mercedes.

Those don't hurt, but, and I quote, “he makes me laugh,”

Was way up there on the list.

You make me laugh.

A lot.

Can you keep a secret?

Sure.

When this contract is up,

we're moving to California.

Johnny and I are gonna open up a music

store and a dance studio.

He's gonna run the music side.

I'm gonna run the dance studio.

Sounds great. Expensive.

My dad's gonna partner with us.

- Cool. - He owns eight trailer parks

in and around Vegas.

Wow. Your dad is the trailer park king of vegas. Go figure.

So what are you gonna do, Pete? Huh?

This town is ...

Sick.

If it isn't the drinking, or the drugs,

or the phoning hyped up sex.

It's the bullshit.

Sure, there's some nice people, and some are even normal,

but so many are living in a pipe dream that if they

play a certain machine or hum a certain tune

before they make a bet,

their lives will miraculously change overnight.

You mean the kind of guy that has black coins,

oils all over his hands and neck?

Tells himself he's just too wound up

after the show to go home.

So he plays through the night every night,

wiping away the stains, praying they don't stick.

Swearing up and down that tonight will be different.

You mean that guy who doesn't have a gambling problem?

You gonna come visit me?

Yeah. You gonna tell me where?

I'm looking at Orange County?

You know I just wanna raise a couple kids in a cookie

cutter suburb, and grow some roses, and join the PTA.

I can't wait to visit you.

This could have worked out differently, you know.

Go to the suburbs, have kids,

grow your roses.

Get outta here before I change my mind.

I think that's the guy.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

You're the comic.

- Yeah. - Yeah, hey,

we were the two guys heckling you earlier.

We were helping you out.

- Thank you. - Helping your set out.

Yeah. Hey,

tell us a joke.

Listen guys, I, I gotta run. I gotta get back in.

Come on.

Don't. Don't be a dick. - Well, they're waiting on me.

- No, no. - One joke.

- Don't be like that. - Alright. Guy’s walking down

the beach. Finds a genie lamp.

Rubs the lamp. Genie pops out.

Say’s, “I’ll grant you two wishes.”

Guy says, “Well I thought it was three?”

He says, “Look in your pants.” Guy looks in his pants.

He's got a huge shlong. The guy looks up at the genie.

Genie goes, “I've been doing this a while.”

That's good. That's fucking funny.

The first one’s always the dick

That's a fucking funny.

My man. It's funny.

This way.

Okay, have a great night. Assholes.

- Did you win big yet? - Not big, but I am winning.

- You will. - Win big.

- Yes. - How was the steak and eggs?

The line was too long.

Damn, I know a guy. Could have got you a table.

It's okay. I eat here. The employee table.

The rolls are stale.

You know, that jewelry is amazing.

And the stone's almost hypnotic.

It belonged to my great-great-grandfather Jack.

And the colors.

- He was a prophet. - Cool.

A real prophet.

My great-grandfather was a drunk. A real drunk.

Where this casino is was where my people got their water

for thousands of years.

An oasis in the desert?

No water for miles and miles, but plenty water here.

Then the white men came and moved the people out.

That sucks. Sorry.

It's not your fault. You didn't steal the water.

I know, but sorry anyways.

If you win big tonight, you have to leave this place.

Then you must give all the money away.

If you keep any of the money, you will think

that you are the reason why you won.

And you had nothing to do with it.

The great spirit allowed you to win to teach you to give.

So you must leave. Do not be here when the sun rises.

The great spirit is active and out of my hands.

I cannot change it or stop it.

And I sense the great spirit will send a powerful message.

Remember, if you

win big tonight it is to teach you to give.

The only way to clense your soul is to give away every penny.

Goodbye Pete.

- Still at it, killer? - That was spooky.

What? The power failure, or the Indian woman?

- Both. - Yeah. She has

Nobility.

- Nobility. That's it. - She said I'm gonna win big.

Well from her lips-

To the great spirits ears, you just wound up as I am?

Oof.

Well, my legs are tired. My feet are dead.

But my mind, I couldn't sleep now if I tried.

How's steak and eggs sound?

- The Nugget? - Course!

Well, I'm not walking.

Cabs on me.

- That'll work. - Alright,

lemme play a few more hands,

we'll cash out, and then we'll wind down at The Nugget.

Well hurry up and lose 'cause you got me hungry.

Ah.

Oh my god.

That's the progressive.

That's the progressive!

I can't believe this. She, she. She said it.

She said it was gonna happen.

Gotta be shitting me.

You. You just won a $15,000 progressive.

Now we don't have enough coins to cover this,

okay?

So what do you want? You want chips?

You want a check?

- Uh... - Chips.

Take the 15 $1000 chips. - Yes. 15 big chips.

15 big chips.

As of right now, at this chronological moment in time,

this room is officially shut down permanently

until further notice. Please leave.

You're gonna meet me in the cage. Okay?

You got lots of paperwork to fill out

that's predominantly tax info.

Now, if you have any coins on you whatsoever from this

machine, you return 'em right

now, or your chips will be reduced. Do you understand that?

- I do. - Get outta here.

Okay. I'll meet you the cage in 10 minutes.

I gotta pay like my source.

Then we'll go to, we'll go to the Nugget.

Yes, yes, yes.

What a lucky son of a bitch.

Okay, get all the coins, then, tape it off. The whole room.

Well, I still can't believe you hit the

progressive. I know, right? One shot.

Thank you.

Oh, you are definitely not sleeping.

How are you drinking all that coffee?

Pavlov's dog.

You show me breakfast, and my brain goes coffee.

I'll go home, watch some re-runs

of Gunsmoke. In two hours, I'll be snoring like a baby.

- Remember that race horse? - Huh?

Oh, come on. The one you had to pee like.

- Yeah. - Well, now it's my turn.

Watch my purse. - Okay.

I got you.

You know that cocktail waitress, Jenny?

I hear her kid's got that, that bad breathing type shit.

Gotta wear this oxygen thingy all the time.

What? She's in the emergency room like twice a month?

Remember, the only way to cleanse your soul is

to give away every penny.

Oh my god, Pete, there's a fire at the MGM Grand.

What?

I don't know. They were saying people are trapped.

Oh shit.

Oh my God. I was just there.

I gotta, I gotta get Jasmine.

We gotta go. I gotta go. - Okay, okay.

Taxi.

Taxi!

Taxi!

Here, let’s try down here.

Hey, I already got a customer, get another cab.

Are you not coming?

I'm on the other side of town. I'll grab the next cab.

Hey, get her home fast and safe.

I'll call you. - Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

- Go. Go get a cab. - I'm going

- Get home safe. - I’m going.

Jimmy.

Pete, congrats. I heard you hit the jackpot.

I believe you have something for me.

Where’s Louie?

I didn't think I needed to bring Louie,

because you're here to get even, right Pete?

Tell me you're here to get even.

Actually, Jimmy I’m not.

It's gone.

Well that's a fucking shame, Pete.

I know.

Now I gotta do what I don't want to.

Get in.

Most warriors.

Ancient.

Ancient rituals.

The natural wonders. The boom from the thunder.

I keep it one hundred. I am all the numbers.

I am all the numbers.

The natural wonders. The boom from the thunder.

I keep it one hundred. I am all the numbers.

I am all the numbers.

Ancient. Ancient rituals. They keep trying to bury us.

They didn't know that we are seethes.

We'd rather die standing than live the rest of our lives

on our knees. They said that we can't ride the storm.

We clap back with “We are the storm”

We people seek out revenge.

We can endure more than we think we can.

I am my own muse.

The subject that I know the best. Yep. Nothing is absolute.

Everything changes. The subject I want to know better.

I'm my own muse. The subject that I know the best.

That I know the best. Nothing is absolute.

Everything changes. The subject I want to know better.

I'm going to be honest. I'm gonna stay on it.

Tapped in like a bossa super like the sonics. Derive from me

to find the logic while staying on top

Can nobody stop it? I'm gonna be honest.

Gonna stay on it.

Tapped in like a bossa super like the sonics. Derive from me

to find the logic while staying on top.

Can nobody stop it?

Most warriors.

Ancient. Ancient rituals.

The natural wonders. The boom from the thunder.

I keep it one hundred. I am all the numbers.

I am all the numbers.

The natural wonders. The boom from the thunder.

I keep it one hundred. I am all the numbers.

I am all the numbers.

Ancient. Ancient rituals.

Indigenous. Infamous.

Relentless sentiments.

Arguments to keep us down are so meaningless

but serious consequence.

Burning my documents. Eagles that fly,

they can see all the pestilence. Culture not negligence.

Open the eyes of the sun watching down on us.

Ancestors keep pushing the sound through us.

Influence from those who sense us surrounding us.

If I shut my mouth,

Vibrations astounding us. My tribe is infinite.

Be hounding us. Come to the drum

Don't be scared when they're founding us. In the jungle,

when I walk, I don’t stumble.

Volcanoes to rumble. Would die than be humble.

The beat of tradition that feelings succumb to

and we never ran from

what it is that we run to.

My hands in the dirt.

My tribe is my power.

The wicked devoured all the days in the hour spit versus

to flowers. Not for the cowards.

They watch from the towers. The sweet and the sour.

This land of the nawa.

Rituals

The natural wonders. the boom from the thunder.

I keep it one hundred. I am all the numbers

I am all the numbers. I am all the numbers.

The natural wonders. The boom from the thunder.

I keep it one hundred. I am all the numbers.

I am all the numbers.

Ancient, ancient rituals.