Original subtitles

There's a pebble in my shoe. Can we stop?

No, keep walking.

Well, it's never just going to go away if we... Oh, I think it's gone.

Why do you think they're having us wear red?

Do you think it's like an Eyes Wide Shut sex thing or like a Porky sex thing? I

mean, it's definitely a sex thing. I don't know. I'm sure it's significant to

some kind of nonsense they believe in. Well, whatever the reason for the

we are crushing it.

You're ridiculous.

I was going to say, you look great.

I'm so glad you said it first. Sir, you don't have the frame for a turtleneck.

Is this all you could get? I mean, what is this fabric here? It is a rayon

blend. And yes, for a budget of $25 at a thrift store, I think I crushed it.

It's really itching the back of my neck.

Oh, is it? Is it itchy for you?

Yes. Try running a piping hot mic near your hoo -ha. Is that where you placed

your mic?

Yes, you said on your body.

I meant on your body like under your shirt.

What? No, you should be impressed.

Okay, by my placement. It shows how seriously I take this job.

Okay, yeah, great. Perfect job. Great placement.

Thanks.

So what do you think we'll find in there, huh?

Is it a Breaking Bad situation?

That's what I'm hoping for. Maybe Magnolia was lying about the kids part,

there's definitely some kind of a drug lab. And I'm going to find it. Mark my

shit.

It is creepy AF in here. I'm going to be thrown by the theatrics, Rizzoli. This

is Cultism 101.

Stay focused.

This guru, this Terry, he's going to try and fuck with us, okay? He's done it

before. A few years ago, he converted to Special Agent Buckley.

So, do not let your guard down.

Yeah, but that guy was a piece of shit.

You knew him?

No, but if he joined a cult, odds are he's a piece of shit. No, he wasn't a

piece of shit. He was an FBI Special Agent. So if Terry can do it to him, he

do it to us.

Stay focused.

Okay.

Oh, wait, it's back. I have to stop.

Okay, quickly.

Oh, yep, it's a pebble.

Did you put that in there? No.

Because that's funny if you did. You can tell me. I didn't put it in there. Why

would I? No. Can we go?

Here, do you want it? No, I don't want it. What? A little memento of the big

meeting. Memento?

Yeah, like it captures a moment. No, you mean memento. No one makes mementos.

That doesn't make any sense.

Who can capture a mement?

Oh my gosh, look at this. Check this out. Who am I?

The tribe has spoken.

How fucking hot is Jeff Probst? You fucking listen to me, Rizzoli.

I did not come all this way to talk about fucking Jeff Probst with you,

am turning this bullshit detail into a win, because that is what future FBI

directors do. They take down cults. And nobody, not you, not whatever buck

-toothed cronies we meet in there, is going to fuck that up for me. Are we

clear?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Sorry, that was just really hot.

Did we not just have a moment?

No. If anything, I was actively angry at you. Wow, totally misread that

amendment. Just focus, okay? We're here. Just remember.

Stay together and do not talk.

I'll do the talking.

There

you

are. My God, I've missed you. Oh, you were gone so long. I've missed you. It

amazing, Dirk. I had a total... Don't touch me. I had a... Total awakening.

Terry is just, woo!

Wow, you seem really... Awake, I'm awake.

I feel like I'm vibrating. Am I vibrating?

Yeah, so tell me, two days.

So many more days than one hour, which is how long I thought it would be.

So what's Terry like? Terry is, woo!

Ah, Terry is it, man. Terry is it. You want to whoop with me? It's free, you

know, and it feels amazing.

Well, maybe later. You know, I got a lot on my mind, and I don't want to do it

wrong. So, uh, you look incredible, by the way. I know. Oh, God, I've missed

you. Oh, please don't touch me.

Strawberry, is there a problem?

Great question. For the first time in my life, no.

Perry helped me make sense of everything. Of course it all happened

did. I'm not wired for the world I live in. It's like I'm a condor. And my whole

life I've been stuck in mud. But now I'm free to soar.

Wait, wait, wait. I'm the mud?

Yeah, that's right. You get it. I knew you would.

Doesn't it just feel great to finally communicate and be on the exact same

Are you saying I'm holding you back or something?

Please, don't make this about you, Dirk. Terry just got me out of the mud. I

can't go back in it, and I won't. Woo!

Wait, are you packing?

Oh, I'm moving out. Was that not clear?

No, it was not.

Moving to where?

Well, Terry said I could have separate living quarters, and I want that, so I'm

moving out. Oh, my God. Terry has turned you against me.

Oh, I'm such a fool.

Oh, no wonder there was nothing online about Terry.

His whole place was probably just designed for him to seduce all the

young things.

Don't be silly. Just wait, wait till you meet Terry. She'll really, she'll help

you understand. She?

Terry's a woman?

Boo!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please take a seat, agents. I'm Terry.

You're very welcome here.

Oh, you wore red. That's adorable.

We were just having some fun. Didn't actually think you would do it.

No, of course. We knew that.

We were just playing along.

We just wanted to show you we have a sense of humor, despite our

demeanor. And if you can't laugh at yourself, then what's the point? Right?

That's my motto.

Oh, great. You're both in on the prank?

No one could tell me?

Very nice.

Very nice. You owe me 25 bucks, by the way. And I have a question for you,

sweetheart. You like to laugh so much, let me ask you this.

Did you think Waco was funny?

Because if you thought Waco was funny, maybe you're asking for another Waco.

I did not think Waco was funny, no. I think Waco was a terrible tragedy.

Why would you bring it up?

I don't know. Why was I bringing that up, Colin? Is it because you're the

of a cult?

Oh, well, I think we see this a little differently, but hey, there's more than

one color in a rainbow, right? Fuck you and fuck your rainbows. How about that?

Okay, okay.

No, no, no, please.

I love how expressive you are.

It's your truth.

Sorry to interrupt.

Jade, welcome. Can I interest either of you in a hot stone massage?

Oh, fuck yeah, Jade. I would like that. What?

Just like a 20 minute hot stone massage. Super quick.

Technically on the job right now. Look where we are and ask yourself.

Do you want to be doing that?

A thousand percent. I will come back alert because of my massage.

Okay. Underwear on or off?

Completely your decision.

Oh, you know what? I'm going to keep them on.

So I guess now the adults can talk.

Have a seat.

Now, look, we all make silly decisions, don't we?

But if you believe in natural selection, we are the smartest iteration of our

species yet.

With all due respect, Terry, let's slice the caca.

I didn't come here to discuss your theories about the species.

Why did you ask me here?

I see no reason for us to be adversaries. The real question is why

accept? Look, I know how you operate, okay? I know you've cat -and -mouthed

agents in the past. I know what you did to Special Agent Buckley, okay? Let me

just assure you, that's not going to happen here. My parents told me they

me. I played Little League. I don't join cults. I take them down.

Thank you, Fronte. Oh, you did Bergamo. That's excellent.

Really? You're really going to try and princess bride me? I don't think so. I'm

pretty well -versed in poisoning cases, and I'm very well -versed in reverse

psychology. So I think this is a tea party for one.

If you think I'm trying to kill you, I can see I have grossly overestimated

intelligence.

Such a shame.

Thank you for coming. You can show yourself out. No, no, no. Wait, wait.

you know what? Let's have a do -over. What are you doing here, Special Agent

Cullen? Our organization has committed no crime. Freedom of religion is covered

in the Constitution.

So use that pretty little mouth to give me an answer or kindly get the fuck out

of my house.

Look at your face.

You should see your face right now. Seems the pranker has become the

Is there a mirror in here?

No, no mirrors here?

You're telling me this is a mirrorless yurt.

Yeah, okay.

Well, listen, if you can't laugh at yourself, what's the point?

Am I right?

It's a meeting of the mind.

Excellent.

Bergamot, you said? And my compliments to Fronte.

Did you recognize him?

No. Should I have?

I mean, it's fine if you didn't. But if you did, I think you'd remember him as

our dear special agent.

Buckley. It's just weird. I mean, to spell her name that way?

I mean, with a Y?

Terry, with a Y is usually a guy's name.

No, not usually. Always. It's always a guy's name.

Not always.

You go away for two days while I'm here with our daughter, by the way. Yeah,

with Madison.

I met our foster daughter.

And, yes, he's older, but she's pregnant.

We're going to be grandparents, Sue.

Oh, yeah, I don't want that.

That's the reason we're here, for you to have a child, so we can start our

family. No, that's what you want. I don't. Oh, so just no.

Yeah, sorry, Madison. Mommy and Daddy don't love you anymore.

Yeah, we never should have brought you into this world. That's what you're

saying? Yeah, I mean, I phrased it differently, but big picture, yeah. So

expect me to single parent and single grandparent.

Wait until you talk to Terry. It'll all make sense.

When will Terry, the woman, be free to meet me?

Or is she too busy ruining my life?

Terry says we can only trust others as much as we trust ourselves, okay?

Couldn't be more clear. Just don't touch me.

Women don't spell Terry with a Y.

I'm sorry. They just don't. It's deceptive, Sue.

She's deceptive.

Oh, Terry said you'd do this.

Do what?

He said you'd fly into a rage like your dad did when he felt powerless.

Sue, please come back to me. I know you're in there. Please just come back.

Listen, Terry says... Terry says, Terry says, Terry says, Terry says, Terry

says, Terry says, touch your toes.

Terry says, leave the man you love.

Terry says, help me dispose of Simon's corpse. I killed him so I could steal

game from him, just like I steal wives from the husbands who love them. I don't

love you.

I never loved you.

Strawberry,

take that back because you have loved me since you were 16.

No, I met you when I was 16 and I'm not a strawberry.

So it's not like the love of your life is leaving you because I never loved

Please stop saying that.

I love you and you love me.

I know you do because I feel it in my heart. You're making the biggest mistake

of your life.

I'm sorry, what? I can't hear you over all the snot. It's a lot. Okay.

You're grossing me out.

We're not wired to be living in the societies we've created.

Hi. No, you're not dreaming.

It's me. It's KB.

Kevin Bacon. You know, a lot of people assume that just because I am an

internationally acclaimed film and television star, musician as well,

Frankly, a role model.

I'm just about money and celebrity.

Well, yeah, I mean, I do like to be celebrated. And I've got a shitload of

money. But what keeps me grounded is finding solitude, you know, and serenity

here at The Collective.

Do you feel relaxed?

Fuck yeah, I do.

Do you like to spend some time in our sensory deprivation flotation tank?

Fuck yeah, I would.

Boy, I love your energy.

You know, in my 13 years out here, I've only seen two types of agents.

Ambitious rookies or washed -up never -wors.

But I can't figure out which one you are.

Okay, let's cut through this shit. I'm not leaving here until I get a thorough

look at your grounds. I know you're hiding something.

I am perfectly okay with you looking around. The only thing that I want in

return is... Name it.

I'm about to. I'm sorry. Go ahead. The only thing I want in return...

It's for you to open your eyes.

Oh, they're open.

Do you know what happened after the Industrial Revolution?

A society emerged that evolved faster than our brains. And now we are living

a constant state of fight or flight. But instead of rhinos, we're scared of our

rectangles. We are not wired for the lives that we live.

And here we are living sustainably, the way we're meant to. Out there, you are

just a caveman in a corporate jungle.

Let me ask you a question. How do your mink...

Eyelash extensions fit into your pared -back little lifestyle.

Yeah, I know what type of eyelash extensions you're wearing, and I know

they're the most expensive kind.

I dated a lash stylist.

You shouldn't be here.

Then why did you invite me?

On this planet, darling, you shouldn't be on this planet, and neither should I.

We're antinatalists at The Collective, and none of us should be here. Life is

full of meaning.

Don't you see that? It is just our society that is meaning.

You're glitching. I think you're glitching.

I am. Let me restart.

Oh, boy. It's worse now than it was.

Shit. How did you... Your face is twisted around and come back around.

It's going the other way now. I'm going to come back around. I'm not explaining

very well. Rizzoli?

Funny story.

In my first session with Terry, she had me stare at my pinky toe for like... Six

hours straight, I swear to God.

But now my relationship with that toe, it's stronger than anything I've ever

had, frankly, with another human.

Hey, did you know that the three richest Americans own as much as the poorest

160 million?

How fucked up is that?

Harry says the worst things are the best things, and the best things are

everything. So without the worst things, we have nothing. I'm paraphrasing, but

that's the gist. You get it. Hey, Suhu.

How was your time with Terry? It was everything.

Right? Oh, God, what I wouldn't get to go back to that first time. It's like

mud just... Yeah, we know all about the mud, Micah. Ha ha, thanks for bringing

it up. Is there anything we can do for you? Thanks for stopping by.

Yes. Dirk, your security shift started ten minutes ago. Yeah, I know. I'll be

right there.

Sue, I want to hear more. Come by my yurt later?

Absolutely.

I'm sorry, what were you saying?

Oh, nothing. Just that I love you with all my heart and I want to leave this

place with you.

Right, yes, yes.

That's not going to happen.

Dirk, I really do want you to be happy. I really do.

Oh, you do?

Of course I do.

Then why are you doing this? You're really important to me.

Maybe we got together when you were too young.

Maybe I should have waited longer.

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. It was always going to be like this.

So that's it, huh? I don't mean anything to you.

Well, if it weren't for you bringing me here, I never would have met Terry. This

is all happening because of you. So there's that.

Strawberry, you can't just leave me feeling like this.

Just wait here. I have to go and do my dumb security rounds now. Wait till I

back, please.

Well, no, I'll be gone.

Yeah. No, just wait, okay?

We can continue when I get back. I need some air. You need some air. This will

be good for us, a little air.

I'm good with the air, but you get some air.

Okay, look, I'm operating an insist here. I will see you very soon.

Bye -bye, Mr.

Cumberston.

Wow!

Wow!

I give that two heavy islands.

Would you like to take a stroll through the Serenity Gardens with a fresh

nectarine from our orchard?

No, Jade.

I'd fucking love to.

Oh, your profanities remind me of my dad.

Oh, wait. Can I use the bathroom?

Of course you can.

Terry says, Terry says, Terry says... What is this happening?

Can you hear that?

I can't.

But are your eyes open?

Yeah, but can you not hear that? Can you seriously not hear that? It sounds like

the Earth is taking its pants off and the belt buckle is, like, flapping

Someone help the Earth with its pants!

Somebody! It's not your fault that your childhood dog Toby ran away when you

were home alone.

Hmm? How did you know?

Did you take Toby?

You masturbating had no bearing on the fate of... No, no, no, no, no. I wasn't

masturbating. I was just scratching it. It was just really... No, no, I was

exploring. I wasn't being naughty. Could you stop, please? I have to find Toby.

Toby?

Agent Cullen, are you hot?

No.

Yes.

God, I'm freezing.

You know what? It's kind of perfect. I feel like I'm perfect temperature.

Why? Because you've taken off all your clothes.

What happened to my chest hair?

Please help me, Terry. Please, please help me. I don't know what's happening.

Please, could you help me now?

Well, I can't because you ran out of the room 13 minutes ago.

I think you're in a field now.

No, I'm not. Oh, oh.

Oh, I am. I am, aren't I?

I've seen three yurts on the northeast perimeter, but none appear to be drug

yurts or lab yurts.

What is that?

Oh!

Jim Joseph Parsons.

I think I found it.

The lab.

Who the heck are you? Oh, God, man, you scared me. This is private property. I'm

asking who the heck are you?

Toby?

I'm not special at all.

Am I?

You don't want to do that. Put the gun away.

Okay, I do want to do that. I'm going to count to three.

Why don't you get out of here and go find some overalls that fit?

You're trespassing, and you need to leave. All my badge is in the sensory

deprivation tank. Can you just... I am serious, lady, okay?

One, two... All right, well, I'm going to eat this nectarine and enjoy my life.

Three!

Just like with me.

Good day.