Original subtitles

You know me. This is like the 12th time I've seen you. I've seen your colleague

like six times. Yeah, this is like the 13th time I have to ask you.

Where's your passport?

I don't have a passport. Exactly.

The next. No, no next. It's better, man. Wait, wait.

Okay, look. I got an asylum hearing coming up in Houston that I've been

for for 22 years. And if I get that asylum granted, I can eventually get a

passport. Please, God, I've been begging for the last six months after I was

kidnapped and brought to Mexico against my will. And no one's willing to help

me. Right.

You were kidnapped by the Olive Tree Cartel. It was, right?

Don't do that. My lawyer said if I can get a lazy pate, I can legally cross the

border. Just come to terms with the fact.

You're Mexican now.

Okay? Feliz cumpleaños.

I'll tell you what. If you give me a lazy pate, I'll donate your vacation

You want to go tubing in San Marcos? Because I can't afford more than San

Marcos. You want to bribe me?

Who said bribe? Nobody said bribe.

I didn't say bribe. Put your hand down. I didn't say bribe. I said donation.

Politicians take donations all the time. Then I'm going to need you to politely

fuck off.

Riding along in my automobile My baby beside me at the wheel

I stole a kiss at the turn of a mile My curiosity running

wild Cruising and playing the radio

with no particular place to... Hey, Mo, why you want to go back to America so

bad? I mean, here you have your own place, your own business, a handsome

friend. What the hell are you talking about? I live in a janitor's closet, I'm

juggling all these jobs, and I got to dress like a luchador later.

You're going to fight a luchador? Who said fight?

I'm going to wrestle.

They're going to fuck you up, man.

I may look festive, but...

I'm dead at night.

Maria never teach you how to make tortilla?

No. She's always been so busy, but I got a good grip on it.

Oh, shit!

Didn't see that coming. No one

believes I was kidnapped.

I stole a kiss at the turn of a mile.

plan i played against him oh god it's real look man i can get you to houston

tomorrow i'll hook you up with these two coyotes that owe me a favor well i'm

not doing the character thing all right last time i did that i was on a

motorcycle those guns involved almost died has maria called you yet no but she

went when she's ready no he's too proud to call her oh is that maria yeah she

makes me want to go to america all right could you please go over there you're

being mad disrespectful bro

I'm sad.

Just really, really sad.

Borderline depressed.

I don't want to go.

I want to be like you. Free and untethered.

Go wherever I please.

Okay, bye.

Walk away.

With no particular place to go.

Everyone else has.

I don't know about this embassy shit, Lizzie. Every time I go there, it's like

starting from scratch.

I know you're frustrated, Moe, but the lazy past day is your only option.

There's got to be a better way.

There isn't. This is the process.

Process, okay. You know, my friend Fernando has a line in Tokayote. Maybe

worth a visit. No, no.

caught, it will essentially kill your entire asylum case, okay? Do you hear

Trust the process, ma 'am. The process. The process.

Is this your favorite word? Is it the word of the day?

Oh, hey, mama. How are you guys doing? I miss you so much. Did you get the money

I sent?

Yes, habibi. Thank you. Thank you.

Besides missing you, all is good, alhamdulillah.

Busy at Buddy's farm, pressing oil.

And we have our hearing next week, Hamoudi. I know.

I'm going to be there, inshallah.

You're going to be there?

How? What are you going to do, your mama?

I don't know. I'll figure it out. I love you. I love you, Habib. Don't do

anything stupid, Mo. Nothing. Don't do anything stupid. I can't hear you.

Let's get you out of here.

Net.

Oh, God.

The olive tree cartel. Come on, man. I'm going to tell you.

I was kidnapped with olive trees by the cartel.

Yeah, that's great. You're still not a citizen, though, so... I need to go

My family needs me, and I need a laissez -passer. Who does it look like I am?

I'm behind the counter, you understand?

I'm basically a glorified cashier for the State Department.

Laissez -passers are not going through guys like me.

What about him? Can he help me out?

Ambassador Lewis?

Yeah, he can do whatever he wants.

Can I get a meeting with him?

You want a meeting?

With the ambassador you want to meet him. All right, I know. I know. It's a

ask. But if he has heard my story for ten minutes, I'm sure he'll understand.

Come on, man.

This means a lot to you, doesn't it?

Yeah, it's my whole life.

I can't guarantee his office will even put me through. But if it gets you out

my life, I'll call him.

I'll be gone.

Literally. You know who else we should call?

The head of the CIA.

Forget Russia. Putin can wait. As long as you get home.

That's what's priority number uno to me. We should call an emergency UN meeting

right now. Mohammad Najjar needs my help. Okay. I'm gonna make sure he gets

home. Okay, I see what you're doing.

You see what I'm doing?

Yeah.

I'm fucking with you, man. Come on. You don't fucking get it, okay?

I've been waiting to become a citizen for over 22 fucking years, and all you

needed to do was give me a goddamn laser pate.

Oh, it's not my thing, dude.

Guys, get him out of here. Come on. It's it.

All right.

Real mature.

Maybe I'm going to do somebody a favor. That's all I need from you.

Okay. Fuck you. Fuck you and your little fucking pedophile mustache.

Come on, man.

So American.

Do

you want

to make it to your hearing?

No seas culero, mo. Let me hook you up with my coyotes. They're not like

They're very small, mom -pop, you know, family -owned business.

All right, okay, yeah. I'm not going to trust a guy that's selling weed out of

his car. Oh, what the fuck? What, are you working for the feds or something?

Hola, Camila. Como estas?

Bien. I'm just saying, you've been bouncing around that embassy for months,

You think anybody there can actually help you?

Help you with what?

No,

really, what?

I know people at the embassy.

Oh, yeah?

You know the ambassador?

He's my husband.

Sabor gringo. En serio?

Si.

I've been stuck in Mexico ever since. That's why I'm selling falafel tacos. I

joined a mariachi band.

And I've been doing a little lucha libre wrestling on the side.

That doesn't surprise me.

You're quite muscular.

It's true. I am.

You don't think it's too much to ask?

Connect me with your husband for a little meeting? Of course, you poor

You were essentially kidnapped.

100 % I was kidnapped.

Thank you.

Tell you what, Mohammed.

Is it Mohammed yet? Yes, yes. Ma, be in the short form? Yeah.

We're hosting a small party Friday at our home for the Consul General of

Monterrey. Why don't you come?

I'll introduce you.

Really?

I don't even know what to say.

I'll give you all my details.

I can't promise you anything, but I hope we can get you home on time for your

hearing.

Thank you so much for this.

Really.

Can I bring anything?

You're so sweet, but no.

Although... What?

Why don't you bring that Lucha Libre mask of yours?

Yeah.

For a laugh.

Okay, yeah.

For a laugh, yes. Of course.

Oh.

Hey,

it's Maria. You know what to do.

Hey.

I'm sitting there watching TV.

Having dinner.

I just want to say thank you for setting me up with your tias.

Tia Rosa is so sweet.

Tia Luisa.

She's very opinionated.

Look, I know I said a lot of things that I probably shouldn't have. I was just

having a lot of feelings.

And it's normal to have feelings. I mean, if I didn't, then I'd be a

I'm not a sociopath, and as you know, I'm like the anti -sociopath.

I'm just really tired.

I'm just really, really tired, and I guess what I'm trying to say is that...

of a bitch!

Maria.

How beautiful you look.

My princess, I missed you.

Then why did you abandon me? Abandon you?

I would never.

Do you think you can just walk back into my life?

Love has made me such a fool.

I would be a fool if I were ever to abandon you.

That is not the case, Maria.

I love you, mi amor.

Why do you scorn me so, Maria?

Mahmoudi. Mama.

Why did you leave us?

I didn't leave you, Mama.

Take the key and go home.

Okay.

Mahmoudi. Crystal.

Oh, Crystal, it's good to see you.

Okay. My baby.

My love.

You ruined everything.

What's wrong, mijo?

Just thinking about a dream that I had.

Ay! Ay, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. It's just a little pinch.

You know, I called Maria.

Ay, and?

What did she say? Nothing. It went to voicemail.

Voicemail? How many rings before she went to the voicemail?

Two, I think. Two?

Oh, she's not going to call you back.

Ay, Luisa.

Ay.

Do you love her?

Of course I love her.

Have you really loved Maria?

You heard it?

It was her grandmother's.

I can't take this.

You cannot take that.

Why not?

You're not ready to ask.

I don't think she wants me to ask. Of course she doesn't want you to ask. Not

now, maybe.

But I have known Maria since she was a girl.

And I know what I see in her eyes when she sees you.

Disappointment.

And I know your heart now.

I know you will make things right with Maria.

What if she says no?

Or is she going to say no? Of course. Either way, it is hers to keep.

Thank you. I'm so happy for you. Oh, thank you so much, Tia Rosa.

Maria is going to be so happy. I don't think so. Why do you hate me so much? I

don't hate you. I'm honest. I'm an honest person.

You, honest person.

You want three? Thank you.

Beautiful.

I

am

so happy you came.

Thank you for having me. Really, I feel so underdressed. Oh, my God, you look

amazing. You look amazing.

You saved me. You're saving me. I mean, thank you so much, really, for having

me. I can't thank you enough. Oh, no, I hate old people and a small talk. It's

so boring.

Do you want me to introduce you? Come on. No, no, I'm good. I don't really

drink, but... A little champagne, wine, beer.

Okay. Just a little bit of champagne. No, I'll do a... No? Topo chica con

Ah.

Poquito. No, okay, really. Okay.

That kind of day.

Kidding.

I brought the lucha mask for a laugh.

I got my ass kicked, by the way. They said it was going to be fake, but they

beat the shit out of you.

Really? Yeah, they really do fight.

I love that you brought the mask.

I adore the texture of your beard.

Excuse me?

Your whiskers.

How do you keep them so purple?

Yeah, I get that question all the time. I have a fantastic beard routine.

Yeah. It's all to do with the oils and combing process.

Can I touch it?

Sure. Sure.

Yeah.

Oh, squeeze it. Okay.

Squeeze it.

You should be very proud.

Don't worry. I'll introduce you on time.

Okay.

What's it like being in this political life like this?

You know, not depressing per se, though sometimes it does create a border.

I'd say more lonely.

Yeah, I get it.

I get it. I was talking to a stray dog who wanted nothing to do with me.

I had snacks in my pocket. He could care less. Looked at me and just...

What happened to your finger? Oh, it's nothing. It's from a tortilla processor.

Just a little pinch.

Let me put some cream on it. It's not necessary.

Don't be silly. I insist.

Follow me. Okay. Now.

Alright.

Not here.

I'm feeling something, yeah.

I mean, should we get back there? Can I confide in you?

Of course.

Promise me you won't laugh.

When I was a little girl, my mother took me to see Lawrence of Arabia.

You know that scene where Peter Tull gets caught by the Turks?

They strip him down, pinch his skin, tie him up to a bench.

No, I actually don't. I think we should get back to the ambassador, though. He

left quite an impression on me, and ever since I always had this...

I guess you can call them fantasies.

It's strictly role play, of course.

Okay. With me not being Lauren, but someone

seemingly compromised.

Whew. Wizard of Oz is a good movie. Yeah. You know, it's wholesome. It's

friendly. You know, it's all about going home. There's no place like home.

There's no place like home, exactly.

And I need to get home. And that's the whole... Pointing me, come here so you

can help me get through.

No, no, no.

Listen.

Where are your masks?

I brought it just like you asked.

I love it.

Would you put it on?

I can't. We got to.

Listen, that's not... Your hair is so nice. I mean, we gotta... We gotta get

back, you know? We should definitely get back.

Did you say speeches?

Be a good wife.

Go listen to your husband's speech.

I hate speeches.

Oh, jeez.

They're boring.

Maybe this one will be good. You have to walk out first.

Take a fucking kill.

I will talk to him.

Okay? I promise.

Gracias.

Buenas noches.

Buenas noches. Hasta luego.

Gracias.

Gracias. Take care of my friend. He's lovely.

Mo, how are you? I'm well. Thank you so much for having me. We're going to fix

this. Have a seat.

No, not that one. This one.

Sounds like what you need is a laissez -passer. Yes, exactly.

Not a problem. Are you serious?

If you can get me some supporting affidavits by Monday morning, I will

at an Astros game by Tuesday night.

Love the Astros. And I think they do have a game on Tuesday.

This was a real Hail Mary for me. Thank you so much, Ambassador Lewis.

Well, it's really my wife you should be thanking.

She's taken quite a shine to you.

Oh, she's very kind.

So you like her?

I mean, I like a lot of things. I like Tarnib. It's an Arab card game. Yeah, I

know. Like Elvis.

Bananas on my pancakes.

You know what? I'm going to be straight with you.

Most of my life, I've been a very powerful man.

But that kind of power dulls the senses in the less public aspects

of my life.

It makes it so that I tend to seek out moments where I can discreetly lose

control.

You understand what I'm saying?

No, I don't.

I want you to sleep with my wife in your also -Palestino mask while I

watch.

Come on.

Nothing has to happen between you and me, all right? I won't touch a hair on

your head.

Ambassador, I'm in a committed relationship, at least committed to a

relationship, so... Is she in the United States?

Yes. She will never know.

So let me just, for clarity, you want me to...

Can you noodle your wife, or do you want me to noodle your wife?

I want you to have sex with her. Look, it's not going to be able to work. I

real performance anxiety.

I dated a girl once. She had a dog. He was staring at me. I was staring at him.

He was like, what are you doing to mommy?

I was like, I don't want to do this to your mommy. Why are you looking at me?

And then it just went down, and it doesn't work.

Mo, take a breath.

It's going to be okay.

We're just going to take it slow.

Okay, look.

If this is what it takes to get me back to America, then I'll call my friend

Fernando, who will definitely do it. Wait, I'm... For sure he'll do it. I'm

sorry. Do you think I'm asking you to sleep with my wife in exchange for the

laissez -passer?

Yes. Oh, my God.

No.

No. No, that is not it at all.

Okay, now I can see how you would think that, given the... Oh.

Wow.

I am so sorry.

Oh, man.

That is not the deal. No apologies needed. So I can still... Of course.

Oh, and I don't have to... No.

I mean, unless you want to. No, I don't. I don't.

I mean, she's gorgeous.

You know what?

Forget I even brought it up. Brought up what? I don't even know what you're

saying. Come on.

Let's have a drink.

All right? A little mea culpa for any discomfort I may have caused. No

You know, I normally don't drink, but I mean...

Here's to your safe return and a peaceful end to the conflict.

Conflict? Israel -Palestine.

What?

Nothing. No, please, what is it?

Well, it's not really a conflict.

Excuse me?

A conflict implies there's two equal sides.

Well, there are two sides. Well, one side is occupying another, so... And the

occupation, if...

That's the word you insist on using as the basis of the conflict.

So you're for the occupation?

No, wait. Do not put words in my mouth. That is not what I said.

Then where's the conflict?

A conflict is a protracted disagreement, yes?

Sure. Is the situation a protracted disagreement over land?

Yes. Well, all right then.

To the end of the conflict.

And the occupation.

God damn it. I am trying to use terms here that we can both agree on. What,

can't agree on occupation?

The term conflict includes the occupation.

Conflict is used when you're like, I don't know, I can't make the lunch

have a conflict.

Not when there's a military occupying power.

And you don't have the balls to say it's a fight. You know what?

Let's toast to peace. Come on. Everybody loves peace.

Let's toast to peace.

Come on. Come on, please.

You know what?

I got to toast to you.

Get the fuck out of my house. How's that for a toast?

Have fun spending the rest of your life in Mexico.

Just take a deep breath.

Let's start over. I will call for the fucking Marines.

So help me God. I didn't want to talk about it to begin with. Get the fuck

Still not a conflict.

Sorry.

Oh, Ambassador?

Uh...

Your wife had this finger all up in her mouth. Little twirl.

All.

And you didn't watch.

So

you

couldn't just take a shot of mezcal and fuck the man's wife?

What am I supposed to do? Sell out my people?

Yes. It wouldn't even be you selling out your people. It'd be also palestino.

Call your counter first.

I only have two days to make it to my asylum here.

I'm gonna do it.

I'll help you with the baby.

No, I'm here for you.

Come on, let's go.

To the other side.

Go.

Thank you.

No. Oh,

no.

Where are you going, amigo?

This ain't a 10. My skin the same color as sand from the motherland. Look down

and see the world in my hands. Government bans. I'm just here to fuck

plans. Dance after dance. It's like the world is stuck in a trance.

There's nothing more priceless than being free.

Immigrant. That's why they hate me just for being me. We ain't want to leave

overseas. We were under siege.

Leave us in shallow graves. But still the love is deep.

Bloodline royal need I see back.

Forties in the foyer had to boil you where I sleep at. Tell you that they

you, that they loyal, they can keep that. They don't want the soil, just the

that's beneath that. Back to feed the people, feel pity in your feedback.

Racing with Thomas, getting hard to even keep track.

They sold democracy for a discount.

Nothing's adding up, that's why I gotta make the trip count.