Original subtitles

Hey, Paul. Yeah.

I was thinking we could serve mimosas or parentinis.

Yeah, nice.

Like we have our own bar. Yeah, we could call it something fancy like cocktails.

A bit of a zip, so it's classy.

Yeah. I'll be tails and... And I'll be... I'll be heath.

Okay.

I think my dress looks really nice on you.

Thank you for lending this poor single mother your rich lady outfit.

Oh, you don't need to thank me. I don't do most of the fundraising and then you

design a clothes to get credit.

My eldest is finally old enough to babysit.

Cheers to me. So you can go out and have money to spend?

To see me.

Stainsley.

Cheers. Cheers.

The girl looking after Ryan tonight costs more than this dress. I doubt

would. give a million dollars for some cheap babysitting. I'm not sure the

babysitter's collective will go for that much.

Are those real babysitters? I thought they were just some incredible books

the 80s. Early childhood students need hours in the field to graduate, so they

offered us vouchers for the auction.

Quite a deal.

It's quite a deal.

Fundraisers are allowed to bid on their own silent options, right?

What a shame. I had my eye on the cheek of the tick to me.

Cheers!

I knew white wine was more your speed.

Thank you.

Hey, Heather.

The principal and I were just discussing adding an extra auction.

Oh, it's a little late.

Jess suggested a personal car park right outside the office.

Go on.

The winner of the auction would be the only one allowed to park there for an

entire year.

All the late mums would be so jealous.

I have worked really hard this year. Maybe we could bend the rules slightly.

We've all worked really hard and we deserve to bid on whatever auction we

choose. Are fundraisers allowed to bid? It's a grey area.

We could paint the winner's name directly onto the concrete.

Yes!

Okay, we can bid.

I'll let Hina know that Bob can have a cheap snip.

Are you guys making cocktails?

No, just beer and wine.

Oh, Francis Cocktail.

Oh, that's the name of our bar.

I'm Tails.

I'm Heath.

A glass of your cheapest white wine, please.

Over the brink.

That's sweet.

I changed my mind and we can't bet.

That's okay, right?

Bobo will be thrilled to get his mastectomy and Jess will be excited to

go on a date.

Evening, ladies.

Oh, sorry. It's meant to be a silent auction, isn't it?

Am I right?

Can I bid on you tonight?

No, I'm not a prostitute.

Noted.

Bye.

What would Jess want to go on a date with?

Dunno.

I always want to eat sensible chocolate.

I don't think principals are allowed to date mums.

Although, it would give me unprecedented power over the school office because

they'd be taking my first equal best friend.

Cheers to that.

Oh, go, go, go. That's fine. I wonder how my dress, I mean, dress is going.

Stand here for the party time. Did you spill?

I didn't spill anything.

What are you looking at?

The clock says we can get started.

He's so nice.

Okay, I will make the announcement.

But don't sell the option too well, like Heather's car park or your babysitting

or my Bob's vasectomy, for example.

Okay, but remember that tonight could raise enough money to build the new

playground. And show people that I'm as good a fundraiser as I gram that I am,

so get them excited to spend.

But I'm not too excited. Sell the auctions well, but not too well, so that

reach our goals, but we still get deals.

What she said.

Okay.

Don't forget to mention the raffle.

everything in between.

Welcome to what is hopefully the last fundraising event of the year.

Yay!

Come in. Punch in.

Let's get so cosy. Okay, so please bid generously.

But don't blow your budget.

Don't give until it hurts. Till it dings a little bit.

Yeah, what I'm trying to say is be restrained.

batch weekend on table one looks particularly awesome and uh double movie

tickets on table three yes please and table two also exists

but to reiterate table one table three they're the best okay you've got one

on the option that we wanted. The mum of five and me is a little gutted to miss

out on the cheek vasectomy.

Yeah, who needs a once -in -a -lifetime babysitting deal anyway? I can fake

myself.

Would it be wrong to make our options slightly harder to find?

If you think it's best, do what you have to do.

So, like, how does it all, like, actually work, you know, silent option

thing? Well, I don't know.

Oh, yeah, no, it's quite simple, really. Silent auction. You write down your bid

instead of yelling it out. But what if someone wants a bid higher than me?

Yeah, well, then you would just write your bid underneath, and the highest

amount at the end of the hour wins.

Oh, the babysitter collection looks really good. Oh, yeah, I think that's a

bunch of old books. Oh.

I'll show you how it's done.

I'd be like, oh, I'd be like, gee, $925.

If that raises a lot of bid, it's mandatory.

Oh. So I'd be like, Sharon Shroomflap.

$30.

Yeah, maybe, but probably more like this. Guys! Guys!

$34.

Okay,

just save some for the deserving mums who've worked hard all year and they're

desperate need of a good...

I'm sorry.

I thought you were here. The dress, I just got confused.

We don't ever speak of it.

I'm going to... You've got beer on your boobs.

I might need you to pull it all the way to the top for some practice.

Not you.

Be a parent.

Hey, um, unless you really tune up the fairy lights in there just to prevent

accidental fondling, it might happen.

You know?

Yep.

Um, you got any good ideas for gifts for Heather?

You know, for no reason?

Oh, what happened?

We should never speak of it.

The stain's hardly noticeable.

Hey, do you think when you're in the babysitting, you might...

Possibly go out with someone, like someone who might be here tonight.

Hmm.

We'll just have a proper girls' night with you and Heather.

Or I'd rather just do some more work.

Yes, that covers it perfectly. Thank you, Hema. Everything is fine. Nothing

to see here.

It's an interesting look to you.

Speaking of the raffle, how many tickets have you sold?

Hard to say.

I can't do everything always.

How are the auctions? We're pretty sure we're allowed to bid ongoing.

He misses at 46 and I come up at 63 .50.

Maybe making them harder to find is not enough. Maybe we need to take extra

steps. You think we're going into a bit of a grey area?

Perhaps. But consider it perks for being amazing unpaid fundraisers.

I'm probably the most amazing.

Oh, this one.

Yeah.

Nice.

Not beer. You've been drinking beer. No.

I think I've found a balance at table three.

Tell us again about your annoying mother -in -law who gave you the deposit for

your house but is still somehow the villain.

You mean my mother -in -law?

Mason's dad?

Hey, how are your boobs?

Oh, so nice to meet you.

Oh, no, we met before, remember? I spilled the... The beans on how good the

is tonight. That's right, I remember.

I might need another one, actually, to wet the old wolf whistle.

You stay there, I'll get you one.

She will.

Can I interest you in a raffle ticket?

Depends what the prize. Dinner with you?

Oh, you already used that joke before when you inferred I was a prostitute.

Still,

so good that you're consistent.

Hey! Ooh, no.

Oh, you!

Hey,

how's my girlfriend?

The divorce was finalised last term, and she's now officially dating an

intermediate school principal.

Oh.

Well, maybe you should bid on the movie tickets, you know? Put yourself out

there.

I'm sure whomever you ask would definitely say yes.

Woman feel forgiving after seeing movies, right?

You'd say so.

Mason's dad will keep our options safe. No one wants to go down.

It's just starting to feel a little unfair to the other bidders.

No, we all worked hard, mostly me, all year.

We deserve this car park and whatever your options are.

Oh, no, where's he gone?

Bob's easy charisma has lured him away.

Those three ladies, they're like our nemesis.

Nemesis.

If only they knew how much those options mean to us. Let's go talk to them.

We'll show them that we deserve them more.

If anyone knows how to make someone feel guilty, it's me.

They'll definitely step aside and let us win.

No, but I single -handedly raised all the funds this year. I deserve that car

park. Don't you have help?

My sidekicks are largely for comic relief. I do all the heavy lifting

fundraising -wise.

Why don't you bid on the dry cleaning vouchers?

I get that free from work.

What about the spa package?

You look like you could use a facial.

That car park will give me more time in the morning with Molly.

Before I go to my high -paying full -time job that show her girls can do

anything.

Vaguely noble.

Well, if you're so highly paid, you'll be able to buy at least ten raffle

tickets. Make it twenty.

What about a whole block?

Make it two.

Then I'll go top up my bid, because I'm going to win that car park.

How's your new baby?

Always awake.

Comes having night terrors. Reiki wets the bed through to the base.

But they're the joy of my world. My tired, stinky, noisy world.

I have five children.

Are you showing off?

I think so.

I need this vasectomy. Same.

There's lots of other great things to bid on.

babysitting looks good.

I think that's a good book.

Oh, the personal car park.

That'd be so handy for drop -offs. I'm going to leave before I make things

worse. Okay.

Bye, honey.

He left me after 10 years.

Now we have to sell the house and sort out joint custody of the dog and horse

Tristan.

You should bid on the math art. I feel like you need that, babe.

I can only afford to bid on one thing tonight.

I got pregnant in my last year of uni.

So I need cheap babysitting so I can finish my degree and start my own

Oh, what an annoyingly valid reason. As you know, I'm a poor single mother as

well. Oh, and an expensive dress.

Oh, borrowed.

Expensive dress. Which, trust me, I'll have to pay for one or another.

I really want a life outside of my kid, you know? Good luck with the fundraiser

tonight. Thank you.

Oh, she's so nice.

How'd you go?

Not ideal.

I'm not going to lie, I think I made it worse.

The good news is, I sold two entire raffle books.

If we're trying to limit people bidding, those tickets suddenly got very

important. I've got a couple more to sell. Yeah, same.

Well, my monumental sale may have got us to our goal. Plus, the bidding's going

annoyingly well.

I think we're on track to impress everyone with my fundraising skills.

Our fundraising skills?

Let's announce the raffle winner early.

Sounds like we don't even need to sell any more tickets.

We can use this to our advantage.

I will stretch it out to take up bidding time, distracting from our competition,

giving us the chance to get all the deals without endangering the

Everybody win.

Where are your tickets, love?

Where are yours?

Somewhere else.

Hey.

Jeff, can I ask you something?

Oh.

We're going to need a bit of scuff.

Of course you don't.

Ransplaining. Right, that's the case.

Hi,

everybody. Can I get your attention, please?

We have, boy, 17 whole minutes till the end of the silent auction. So if I could

just get everybody to stop.

which was very kindly donated by Meat Loaf Bakery and Butchery. They've also

added in some of their world -famous Appletina turnovers.

Oh, yeah!

All right.

Let's see what we've got here.

Uh... Constable Chris, help Mother out?

Take your time.

I also see some people still building, and I need you to pay attention for me.

Oh, drumroll. Can I get a drumroll, please?

And it's... And the winner is...

Jess!

It's Jess!

Wait.

No, a fundraiser won her own raffle. No, I didn't even buy a ticket.

Why's the vibe gone weird, babe?

You look really beautiful tonight, babe.

Jesus, his name got called out. She won the raffle.

That's impossible.

And she looks just like you in that dress. It's kind of canny, isn't it?

Is this all right, Reg?

The fundraisers are bidding too.

Are they even allowed to do that?

It is a grey area.

It's not, Reg.

Clearly it's a mistake, right?

Yeah. Fundraisers would never, you know, give themselves an unfair advantage.

So I'm going to pick another name.

I'm not even doing name.

Uh -oh.

And... The winner of this meat pack

is... Hinae.

Well done. Third time lucky. Third time lucky.

We should get our money back.

You take things so far.

Maybe you should return the raffle cash? No, I don't even know how our names got

in here. Yeah, clearly she did.

I thought we were going off colours and numbers.

To be honest, I didn't really sell many tickets.

Neither. We need to tell Heather. Yes, she knows everything.

I know what's happened. I told you.

You read the back.

The name is the fundraiser who sold the ticket.

Wanted to prove that I filled the most tickets and they thought I did the most

fundraising.

Don't you trust us?

I know it's petty.

I just didn't really feel like you appreciated me.

Oh, come on. You know you're the best of us.

Yeah.

You didn't have to say that, but thank you.

So, who won the raffle?

Seems to be an innocent misunderstanding.

So, the real winner of the meat pack is...

Ring 35.

Yay!

Song party at my house, everyone.

Yay!

Yeah!

Do the fundraisers still get to vote on the auctions?

I got us into this grey area. I'll get it.

I am happy to take responsibility for this.

like the best fundraisers ever, so I think they should be allowed to bid,

fairly, and without sneakiness.

Well, I'll allow it.

I'll allow it.

You got it.

But it's all for the school. Do you think we made enough money in the end?

I'm starting to regret my raffle -selling skills, but yeah.

I've just done a quick tally, and it would appear... that we have reached our

fundraising goal for the year.

I can't even believe it. Me either.

Us not illegally joining the bidding boosted interest, and it was the key to

tonight's success.

Even though Margot won my car park, and I'll never forgive her for it.

Don't hate the player, hate the game organiser.

Good night, Margot.

We are good at fundraising after all.

Let's always appreciate our pain and never lie to each other again.

Cheers. Cheers.

And saying that, either I have a confession to make.

I won you an auction. It's just a dry cleaning voucher. I shouldn't. Sorry.

I love you, babe.

So happy.

I want to tell Bob.

Bob! Bob!

He likes it. Did you know you get in a vasectomy?

Hey, Jess.

We can babysit if you ever wanted to go out with someone who helped us out

tonight. You know?

Thank you for clearing things up with the option tonight.

I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to go to the movies with me one night.

Maybe Tuesday. Not just because it's cheap movie night.

Although cost is a factor.

Sure.

Yeah, sure.

Cool.

See you next Tuesday.

Okay.

Have a good night.

The leading name for the playground is what?

Party McFartface.

Look, lady, you cannot donate to a teacher's gift, and you can laugh at my

routine mayhem, but no one steals my friend's Tupperware and gets away with

Have you been on a hot date with Comfortable Chris yet?

I can't do that.

I hear your date with Jess didn't go so well.