Original subtitles

All money, everyone.

Please get your votes in for the Design a Playground competition.

And remember, the winning one will get made, even though it's designed by a

child.

Cinnamon's very excited about the Design a New Playground competition.

I've got a certificate receiving out for it really just in case.

I don't really care.

Really? Wait, should he care?

Well, that's up to him.

Should I care that he doesn't care? Yeah.

Am I a bad mum?

That's not for me to say.

Morning, I'm not a bad mum, honey.

Have you seen Ryan's entry in the Design the New Playground conference system?

No.

No?

Why is the word bomb in such large letters?

Is that a flake of blood?

His bloodshot eyes follow you around the room.

Quite clever.

Maybe there's another Ryan.

There's lots of Jadens and Jacks and Joshes, but no other Ryans.

Cinnamon has the shading of a nine -and -a -half -year -old and no gore

whatsoever.

Is that the same design as the current playground?

It's a progressively mature comment on how we all fear change.

Braxton's got a shark tanker ice cream parlor and a water slide.

Oh, it's not finished.

Time management isn't his strength. His strength is Sharknado's.

Where is Mum?

Can I have a non -judgmental word, please?

Oh, no, I've got to run.

Pajama Day fundraiser won't organise itself.

Actually, it pretty much will.

It's just posters and an email reminder.

Cheers. Miss Lightfoot clearly wants to talk to you about your son's disturbing

self -expression. I mean, there must be some mistake.

Just yesterday, he made me take an injured butterfly to the SBCA.

Well, that's nice.

Did you see who injured the butterfly?

Heather? You're not helping?

I just have to keep hiding from her for, like, the entire year.

I'm pretty phenomenal at heart and feet, so it shouldn't be a problem.

Cinnamon, don't forget your spelling book.

She's in the top spelling group. Oh, you've never mentioned that before.

Atamaria, ladies.

Mr. Coxhead, are you choosing the winner of the Design Your Own Playground

competition?

Yes.

Gosh, I love that outfit on you.

Oh, no.

Good morning, Miss Love. Morning, Melody.

Morning, Pretty Junior.

Good morning.

Hey, I liked her design for the playground.

Never seen a slide that eats children before.

Do you want to keep the compliments for the parent -teacher lunch conference?

Oh, it might just be easier to do it now.

Caleb's mum knows that we're BFFs, so I've already got an advantage.

So, I just want to do it by the book.

Right.

I thought maybe I could just eat lunch at lunchtime.

You know, just for once this year.

Do you reckon it's more of a mislove problem, though?

Not really a Freddie problem?

Something to think about?

I'll just put that on silent.

Out of courtesy, not for you.

Maybe she's going to say something nice. Miss Lightfoot is going to tell me that

my son is a future serial killer.

Why did she even need to put the picture up?

I mean, it literally has victims fleeing.

She's going to see you at lunchtime anyway.

Not if I see her first.

Parent -teacher conferences?

Today?

I took the liberty of booking us into the lunchtime slot, so as not to

with fundraising.

All it took was... Constantly refreshing the website for three hours and the

will to win at all costs.

Yeah, I'm probably not going to go.

What? You know, just having the kid there makes it hard to really talk.

Actually, can you ladies survive without me for like five minutes?

Jamaday fundraiser isn't rocket surgery.

So not.

Can you see my picture? I can never unsee it.

You love it. I love you.

Now, I need you to be my buffer for a chat with your teacher at lunchtime.

a mother out?

No, I want to play murder with my friends.

Well, no, you have to.

Because I said so.

I am danger not. I'm going to count to three.

Tahi.

Rua.

Toru. Far out.

Okay, fine.

No takeaways tonight if you don't come.

Fine.

Thank you.

Now, by mum law, I have to follow through with my poorly thought -through

ultimatum.

Keep your fingers in your own nose, please, Braxton. Oh,

your daughter's doing well with her writing.

Yeah, OK, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Do people interrupt you while you're working to talk about kids' writing?

Constantly. Well, we'll just do this at lunch when we've planned.

Love you, lunch.

Ryan's really proud of his picture.

Really? That's nice.

And he refuses to be my human shield with midlife, so I am cancelling. You

do no such thing, young lady.

Parent -teacher conferences are a wonderful opportunity to see how well

going as a parent, or in your case.

to nip things in the bud. Henry's not going to hurt.

I just wanted Miss Lightfoot to have lunch for once. She is going because she

needs to set a good example to juvenile parents.

Junior parents. I chose my words correctly.

Okay.

I think he was right.

We should go.

Yeah, maybe it won't be so bad. It will be bad.

Really bad.

Okay, room one is off limits. It's lunchtime for parent -teacher

Freddie.

When are you going to have lunch, my love?

Never.

I'm never going to have lunch.

any entries containing rockets, shark tank, or pizza -powered video game will

disqualified.

We need to talk about Kevin.

Oh, are you here to support me?

No. I just had to remind Cinnamon to get some cardio in before her interview.

Actually, I might still have time to remind Cinnamon to eat her fruit first

aid digestion.

I've got a lot to talk about.

Ring, ring, ring, ring.

Pajama Day emergency?

I'm there.

I'm ready.

Do you think Heather will be angry that I ran away?

Briefly.

Then she'll realise she's got extra time with the teacher.

As you're aware, Cinnamon's in the top spelling group.

Yes, I know. I put her there.

Oh, and I have suggestions on how to reward her when... I mean, if... She

wins the playground design competition.

Great.

Um, Cinnamon?

Why don't you go write some save -the -date cards for me over there? And your

best handwriting, OK?

She does have excellent pen -womanship.

Cinnamon has plateaued in her learning.

All right.

She's afraid to get things wrong, so she plays it safe.

I mean, her playground design is an exact replica of the one we have now.

She's the shading of a nine -and -a -half -year -old with Swiss rounding a

-year -old. I can see you put in a lot of effort, which is fantastic, but I

you to do me a favour.

Anything.

Except help out with garden to table if that limb woman's going to be there

again.

Um, she needs to know that it's fine to fail.

Just do less.

You squeezed me?

Well, start off simple. Um, don't remind her to bring her spelling book home

this afternoon.

Oh!

I don't mean to be dramatic, but if she forgets her spelling book

now... She might forget to be Prime Minister later.

Yes, well, I think that is a chance I'm going to take.

So, Freddie Junior is above average in literacy and maths, and she's settling

well. Amazing.

That was way shorter than I thought it would be.

I think it's about right.

of the tree that smells funny.

So, he's happy and he's improving.

Well, it's a marathon, not a sprint.

You're right.

But you know what? He could be a bit more organised.

If he finished his homework, he would definitely be crowned Miss Lightfoot

Spelling Tryout of the Week.

Yeah, sure.

Heather would hate that.

Yes, honey.

Yes, she would.

She would.

Hi, Mother.

Oh, hi, Mia H.

Oh, wow.

Your design is amazing.

It has a castle for you.

What? Is that me?

What do you want the money?

You're the queen of the castle.

And you're my new favourite student.

Yes. Look at me.

You've given me away.

Oh, God, I love you.

You're ready for this?

She thinks my daughter is afraid of failure and wants me to let her forget

spelling book.

She basically said I'm a worse mother than Jess.

No. Dolly, she is not allowed to say that.

I am not one of those weird, overprotective parents.

Well, in hindsight, I should have seen this coming. Cinnamon has had some very

passive -aggressive spelling words lately.

Helicopter.

Interfering. Smother.

Whoa, she gets hard words. Yeah, well, she's in the top spelling group, Jess.

Karma's mum cancelled Ryan's play date.

You don't think it's because she saw the picture and thinks he's a maniac, do

you?

Do you think I should take the picture down?

Well, doesn't he think it's awesome?

Oh, don't ask my opinion.

According to Miss Lightfoot, I should support you here, brain capers, even

though they're doomed to fail.

Support appreciated.

Stop in the name of the law. I thought you were doing your road

safety rap to the middle school.

Oh, it's best to be seen as tomorrow.

Yeah. Today I'm doing a haiku about curb safety for Room 2, entitled Don't Push

Me Because I'm Close to the Edge.

What's it given?

I'm not at liberty to say.

You're just going to hang around here, then? Oh, Miss Whitefoot will be out in

minute. Oh, good. I really want to talk to her.

I'll probably just... I'll just come back. I'll come back when she's free.

So, yeah, OK?

Bye.

Can you have breakfast and play tomorrow?

The twins have got swimming and then Witty's got trombone and then it's back

swimming for Zinzi.

You should book all your boys swimming lessons at the same time.

They told me it was impossible.

Let me talk to them.

And I've organised your kapa haka contact from Cindy as to most generous.

I can take over from here.

Oh, I've just got it the way I like it. It's time to let me do it on my own.

What if you do it wrong?

Well, I'll learn from my mistakes.

Plus, you'll be supporting me.

I am really good at supporting.

I really like the design of the castle.

Look at that queen.

The moat in the secret tunnel may have a cost issue.

A cost issue?

Would you like a tissue?

Oh, no, I'm fine. Are you sure? Yeah, yeah. OK.

Possible Chris said you really wanted to talk to me. I did say those words.

Sorry I had to run before.

Pajama day emergency.

The real nighty mare.

I guess we'll just have to do it next term. Oh, I've had a cancellation after

school so I can see you at three.

Oh. Oh, ignore.

Yeah, something about a work emergency.

Working mums and so unreliable.

She's a paediatric oncologist.

And a hero.

Oh, you got Ryan's picture.

Oh.

You know what, you hold on to it. I've already sent a photo to Margot for the

school website.

You put a picture on the internet?

Hi.

Can you take Ryan's picture off the school homepage, please?

Which one's this?

The one with the pool of red, hopefully, jelly.

Um, you've signed the internet permission form.

I've got a lot of forms I don't read.

Can I speak with the principal?

Um, are you going over my head?

Yes.

I'll let you take a moment to reconsider your position.

Margot, I'm begging you. Please take his picture off the school website.

And Facebook page. It's on Facebook?

Um... Is Ryan embarrassed about his playground design?

No, he loves it. So what's the problem then?

It's clearly the scribblings of a trainee psychopath and people will think

bad mum.

So? That's a bad thing.

Who cares what strangers think?

You're right. You're right.

If he loves it, I should just be supportive.

These playing victims are very detailed. You can really feel their abject

terror.

Thank you, my friend.

You're welcome.

This is all Des's fault.

If she hadn't run away, then I could have reminded Cinnamon about her

It's all going to be okay.

You don't know that.

lunchbox with a slippery slope to forgetting your spelling book, which

to people thinking I'm not as good a mum as I blog that I am. She will learn her

lesson. You just need to harness your anahine and chill out a bit.

Your children are very polite and good at spelling, and now they're

exceptionally well organised.

Okay.

Yeah. I can just learn to relax more.

Yeah, so 3 Junior is the best at writing in her class, and according to Miss

Love, I'm the best parent in the world.

Yes, Mum, I know, apart from you.

Hello?

No. Does Ryan want to come and play at ours today?

Heather has brilliantly scheduled Braxton both playtime and spelling study

Oh, nothing.

Short of genius.

She's amazing.

And she's very good at relaxing.

Yes. I'm just going to chill here and let my daughter learn her own lessons

the exceptional infrastructure that I provided her with.

Maybe she'll remember a spelling book. Maybe she won't.

And if she doesn't, you'll be fine.

Sure.

Thanks for this afternoon.

Oh, Philemon, did you remember?

Just to have a great day?

Yes, but I forgot to eat my fruit, so my digestion was suboptimal.

Oh, wait.

Not that we ever lived.

Attention,

ketchup at primary.

After much deliberation... I'm about to shake instruments.

The winner of the Design the New Playground competition is... Cinnamon

from Room 2.

But really, it's because it was the cheapest since we already had plans for

design.

Knock, knock.

Hey, so I've got the lunchtime duty picture roster.

I'm going to cover for you for the whole week.

Thank you.

So you can eat your lunch.

I got that.

But I just want to make it perfectly clear that I'm being a very thoughtful

person slash parent right now.

Message received.

Jess, come on in.

Are you ready?

Maybe. Do you need to go to the toilet?

Uh -uh. Got everything in there? Uh -huh.

Hold on.

Go get him, Tiger.

Ryan's not here because he's playing with his equally normal friends.

That's probably for the best, I think.

He's a good kid. Yes, I know. Ryan is an excellent student.

Now, I'm not supposed to have favourites, but if I did, it'd be him.

He's my favourite too.

Ryan is our most resilient learner.

He takes a lot of risks and he's not afraid to fail.

That's awesome,

isn't it?

He drew a swimming pool for his friends to do dive bombs into.

Dive bombs? Yeah.

Dive bombs. And the people fleeing, they're running away because they don't

to get slashed. They don't want to get slashed. Yeah.

Why is the water red with blood?

Oh, no, I think it's supposed to be green. Now, that's what I wanted to talk

you about earlier.

I think Ryan might be colorblind.

Colorblind!

Oh, thank God.

Do you think he might be a little bit deaf?

Because sometimes I tell him to get off screens and it's like he can't even hear

it.

Just keep up the good work, Jeff.

He's lovely.

And the bloodshot eyes was because of the chlorine.

Ah, that makes sense.

Somehow he's learnt to be optimistic in the face of continuous and embarrassing

personal failure. I just don't know where he gets it from.

It is a mystery.

Oh, by the way, I've built up the Pyjama Day fundraiser so much that everybody's

expecting something pretty spectacular.

Leave it to me.

Should we help him?

He really is doing it wrong.

Just give him the gift of failure.

Oh,

come on. Get the brake on.

Loser has to help Freddie with the poo.

I've only got one pair of gloves and the fertiliser is very skidmarky. Welcome

to New McDonald's pub.

You'll never win with Charlie. He has high maintenance and low fun. Don't you

just hate those people?

Oh, can I swap Charlie for one of yours?

You don't want me in your team?

He wasn't crying.