Original subtitles

Good morning, Kate Sheppard Primary.

Could the person who borrowed the scissors from the office please return

immediately or suffer the consequences.

Rafa no kia kwe.

Rafa no kia kwe.

Rafa no kia he la.

Rafa no kia kwe.

In two, one. In two, two. In three, three.

Is she four? Is she five? No, you don't have to clap to my age. Thank God.

We made your favourite cake.

Who baked it?

Me. Oh, thank God.

In my family, when it's your birthday, you're a queen for the day.

You got me a crown?

Yep.

An invisible crown.

Too little, too late, Jessica.

Ah.

So, what did he get you?

Unfellicited anti -aging eye cream.

Did you read over my letter for the Board of Trustees? I have.

What is it this week?

The proposed new parent portal for the school website.

It's a diabolical disaster of biblical proportions.

Whoever recommended it is a complete idiot, which I point out quite clearly.

going to send the complaint immediately.

It was Margot's idea.

Maybe not immediately.

Who's going to call you, Jess? We're both here. They said they would call

the job mid -morning, which I assume is office speak for first break.

So the interview went well?

Yeah. I mean, they laughed a lot. It's a good sign, right?

That's it.

Okay, can someone call my phone and make sure it works?

I dropped it in my porridge this morning.

I've highlighted the bits where you overly insult the person who proposed

this case, Margot.

It was just a first draft.

The name is Jess and I'm here to say I can't get to the phone, but that's okay.

So leave a message if you like and I'll call you back once I drop this mic.

What?

What?

Do you think I could have a more professional message?

Oh.

You know, I better thank you. Sorry.

Right.

Where am I?

Twelve.

Kia ora.

Kia ora.

Kia ora.

Please record your outgoing message after the tone.

Then press hash.

Kia ora.

You've reached Kate Shepard Prime. Margot, could you make an EnviroWeek

announcement, please? I was just doing the outgoing message.

Oh, good. The old one with getting a bit tired.

The old one that I did.

Never hurts to freshen things up.

Sometimes it hurts.

Kia ora. As part of EnviroWeek, please have your recycling ready to be

collected. This message has been recycled.

From last year.

Kia ora. This is Jessica Marie

Knight. I'm sorry I can't take your call. Please leave a message.

What is it again?

It's a publishing house that specialises in educational books that I would

illustrate from home on a flexi -time basis for more than minimum wage.

Boom. That's the dream.

Good morning, Karma. May I please have your recycling, ma 'am?

I'm a little young to be called ma 'am, Missy.

Is that all not ma 'am?

No. Like a lot of youth, I care deeply about the environment.

There you go, young lady. You're not that much younger than me. You're old

enough to be my mum.

I think you look lovely today, Heather.

Really nice.

Where's my letter?

Uh... Did

you accidentally recycle it?

It could have happened to anyone.

Yeah, but usually it happens to me and for once it's happened to you.

I am not you, Jess.

What if someone reads it and tells Margot I'm a mean mum? We were getting

well last week she was almost civil to me.

We'll get it back.

I feel like I say that every Tuesday.

Please record your outgoing message after the tone, then press hash.

Yo, yo, Margot.

Sorry for budging in.

Are you?

I am now.

Okay, well, I'm a little busy trying to do my job, yeah, while being constantly

interrupted with a bit of a thing.

Okay, social cues are telling me now's not a good time to talk about MCLP,

the parent prom next Tuesday night. Ha ha!

Throw your hands up the air!

Why are you writing my name down?

Wait, that's not the mythical list of people who have wronged you. That

definitely doesn't exist.

It's just which staff member I'm recommending for playground duty this

Oh, no, but it's so boring. And all the kids do is tell on each other.

Yeah, and who'd be best to run auditions, you know, for the school

Every parent expects their kid to be the lead, and they do not hold back when

it's always Eddie W.

Yeah, and who should explain to Lancelot's parents that Lancelot is not

There's no way he's gifted.

He doesn't even use the scribing words in Reiki Outriding, and he's in year

I'm really sorry for interrupting, Margaret.

It will not happen again.

Okay. Well, see that it doesn't.

I promise it will.

Think about it. Get out.

Okay.

Okay. Come, I can't have gotten far.

She won the cross -country. You'd be surprised how far she can get. Margaret

never see that letter.

Now I'm going to get worry lines.

She does hold grudges against mothers.

Do you remember when May's mum borrowed the two -hole punch and never returned

it? Yeah, she was accidentally left off all important school emails.

Yeah, and her daughter was never allowed to be off her monitor.

Margot wields too much power. Where is that eco -warrior? Well, she is wearing

pretty unique outfit. She won't be hard to spot.

Dishes! Get up!

Wait!

Karma! You're not Karma.

Man, these new uniforms could get quite confusing. I instantly regret

fundraising for them.

It's so cool that they're organic cotton, right, Hina? Yeah, organic

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

This may take some time.

That's the kind of stress your constant capers put you under, Jess. I do not

know how you live with yourself.

Can I go now?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Red, leather, yellow, leather. Red, leather, yellow, leather. Red, leather,

yellow... Unique New York. Unique New York. Unique New York. Unique New York.

Peter Piper picked a... Hey, Shepard, probably we'll be called back later. All

right.

Peter Piper, pick your... Pick your nose, Peter.

Excuse me?

Is this where the recycling's collected?

No. Really? It feels like it should be here.

It feels can be deceiving.

I've accidentally recycled a first draft.

It was very well highlighted. And I don't want anyone to see it. Or Margot

or may not stick a war on me and my offspring.

I guess our generation's not so good at recycling.

We're not the same generation.

Can you help us, Vince?

We did help fundraise for the Eco Warrior uniform.

In my day, we didn't need these newfangled eco -friendly dyes. Eco

dyes.

The recycling's going to the office today.

The office where Margot works?

Thank you.

I said we should have brought back the incinerator. Turn down one classroom and

suddenly you're an eco -terrorist.

My complaint about Marco's ideas better not fall into the wrong hands. They're

me for caring so much about intraschool comunicado.

They should be calling any minute about my dream job.

Excuse me, it's my birthday and I'm under stress. Today is not all about

for once.

You're very confident for a mum who's been out of the workforce for ages,

But I snatched that interview.

For strengths, I said humility.

And for weaknesses, I said school pick -up.

You didn't tell them you're a single mum though, right?

Yeah. Yes. Oh, never remind employees you're a mum, Jess.

There's a lot of prejudice out there.

My old firm didn't like it when I went to assembly every Friday, but I had to

because my boys were winning everything.

Fortunately, my boss isn't sexist or ageist because she's me.

I'm basically a much younger version of Reese Witherspoon. Well, doesn't

everybody know that working mums are great role models?

I mean, studies show that their kids are less than.

Try and be normal and quick.

Kia ora, Jess, speaking normally.

Right!

Please record your outgoing message after the tone.

Then press hash.

To re -record, press 1.

Then press hash.

Kia ora.

You've reached Kate's... You're a psychonaut, this way?

Um, what is it?

No idea.

Tuffer. Tuffer, this is me.

Margot, Rashida hit her funny boat, which is weird because she's not

Could I have the ice pack, please?

In the sickbay, love.

What is it, Ryan?

I just wanted to say hi.

I gave you this notice very slowly because I'm supposed to be doing a

test right now.

Okay.

You couldn't be any more like your mother.

the office, then.

Mr. Fatihullah says he can't be in charge of the recycled rocket because he

PTSD about losing the science fair when he was 10.

Huh. To me.

So, can you take over?

Yeah, anything for you, Margot. I mean, on the plus side, I've decided that he

can volunteer to do playground duty, the play auditions.

And give Lancelot's parents an overdue reality check.

Sucker. The thing to give in the staff room.

But the rocket's made of cardboard.

What do we need protection from?

Paper cuts.

Look, I don't make the rules.

Yes, you do, Margot. I don't have time to talk about how I rule the school

Can't they just hurry up and tell her she didn't get the job?

Don't they know my tenuous friendship with Margot's on the line?

I wouldn't say you're friends.

We never will be at this rate.

I got the job.

Yay! Now let's go. And actually, I did so good in my interview that they've

offered me a full -time job with more money in their office.

Yay!

Yeah, yeah.

Five days a week, nine to five.

Yay!

Guess it means I can't be a school fundraiser anymore.

Well, that's not ideal.

Oh, we can still celebrate. Can we please do my thing first?

Yay? Yeah.

So, more money? Way more. I could conceivably save for a house.

I'm not market.

Reach for your dreams, Jess.

We'll help with pick -ups and drop -offs. Oh, yeah, thank you. School

they're always just around the corner. Did you know they add up to three

What? No, that can't be right.

Holiday programs are so expensive.

Plus parent -teacher conferences and teacher -only days. So many of those.

And we can pick up Ryan at the worm farm again.

Working mums are really super mums. How do they get anything done?

Please record your outgoing message after the tone, then press hash.

Kia ora. You've reached Kate Shepard Primary.

I'll offer to go with that. Do you have a box of recycling with birthday cake

plates in it that you definitely didn't read anything from?

You look lovely today, Margot.

You look tired. We accidentally recycled a very important document with...

Equally important and hopefully untraceable highlighting.

Okay, just tell me what it is and I'll ask the kids to look for it. Oh, it's

okay. We can take care of that.

You know what?

I think it went to room one. Yeah, to be used for recycled art.

Or room two.

Or possibly room three.

Could you narrow it down?

Yes, it's somewhere in the school.

Okay, let's split up and find that really cool thing that we...

Miss Recycled. And then we can discuss my deeply conflicting job offer.

Jess, it's not all about you.

Mum, disassemble!

I need to check your recycling for any relationship -damaging Margot critiques.

No parents in my classroom. I'm not technically a parent of any of those

children. And I can be trusted.

I have met you.

It's my birthday.

Well, congratulations.

What is it?

Like four hours?

No, it certainly is not.

Do you need to sit down?

Yes. Thank you, Miss Love. I'll just sit over there by that recycling.

Hello. Can I just pop in for a sec?

No, negative. We don't need any more volunteers. Oh, no, I'm not

Although you should be taking advantage of me.

Wait, what?

Because I might not have time to volunteer for much longer.

Oh. And new job means sacrifices, but also more money. But at what cost? What

cost?

Do you need me?

It's fine.

Pop in. By the way, Ryan is receiving an award at assembly next week if you want

to come.

Ah. Oh.

No, I might be working next week.

What's it for?

Decision making.

Back him in. Oh, how do I?

Also, well done on the carbon neutral delivery of our eco -warrior uniforms.

Aye, carbon neutral.

Um, how's Jeff?

Oh, she's had some amazing news, I think.

Recycle rockets can be a fun way to reuse bottles and teach children how to

reach for the stars.

Why don't we learn how to do this?

Because children can't be trusted to have fun these days. Does that mean I

get impelled by the rocket?

No.

But block your ears. This'll be loud.

Hey, Ryan, I've got some big news.

Tell me later, Mum. Right now I'm focusing on helping cinnamon.

Yeah, it's all about you, Ryan's mum.

I'm getting that a lot today.

Hey, Mum.

Guess what?

What? I got into the school football team.

You did?

Games are on Mondays and Fridays.

And you can coach us on Tuesday night if you want.

Well, maybe we can talk about that later.

I found it.

I really am a helpful and supportive friend after all. It's not all about me.

Can I have this piñata?

You really like it? I like it. I love it. If it looks that good, it should be

display in the old office.

It's not that good. No, no, no.

It's not that good.

Oh, wait. I did that before.

Hello, Margot.

Ryan just made that, and I'd really like to take it home now.

You can have it after a fire week.

Oh, I can help you carry it.

You know there are no lollies in here, eh?

I go.

I'm just strong. I am strong.

I'm really strong. Okay.

I will do literally anything for this piñata.

Anything? Anything.

I don't want to see or hear another person until the message is done.

Understood? Understood.

Kia ora, you've reached Kate Sheppard Primary.

Our office hours are 8am to 4pm term time only.

If you want to report a student absent, press 1. If you know the extension you

require, please enter it now or hold to speak to our office manager.

Can I have the ice pack, Margot? I got hit by a rocket and I'm in quite a lot

pain.

Thanks,

my beau.

This is why we should never recycle!

I like your crown.

I like your crown too.

It's for a friend.

She's having a tough day.

I need some more cardboard.

She's got a really big head.

It's my birthday.

You know, anyone wants to talk about his chairs for a flippin' change.

Happy birthday.

Can't wait to be as old as you.

Yes, you can. Believe me.

But you can do whatever you want.

You can have lollies for dinner and no one will stop you.

Well, I did have cake for breakfast.

And I own my own cupcake business, so I mean, I've got fresh lollies on hand.

Wow.

You're right to wow.

I'm a mumtrepreneur who's turned what people think is a weakness, namely being

mum, and liking baking, into a thriving local business.

You must be really wise.

You're right.

I'm an inspiration to all women everywhere.

Thank you, young lady.

You're so welcome, old lady.

You were doing so well.

Ta -da!

Ah, happy birthday.

And Margaret said that cinnamon can be office monitored next week.

Thank you. I never want to have another death day as long as I live.

And I made you this because you're queen for the day and because your heath told

my Bob that your IVF was unsuccessful.

I was trying to find the right time to tell you guys, but then Jess kept making

it all about itself today.

So sorry.

I don't know.

So what are you thinking?

I don't know.

Maybe adopt?

What about you, Jess?

Are you going to take the job?

I want it all.

Well, the perfect work -life balance is elusive, but it's not impossible.

And it's different for everyone. For example, my perfect balance is 50 %

50 % life, 100 % good vibes.

Yeah, and obviously we'll support you whatever you choose.

Well, I think I will ask for the part -time position I originally interviewed

for and slowly increase my hours at my own terms.

In this case, there's no right or wrong decision.

But that was the right decision.

Okay,

let's get rid of this piñata once and for all.

Now, we're going to stop by the P .E. station first.

Annie, got any extra cake lollies left?

last night was a success.

Last night was an unmitigated disaster.

The fundraisers are disqualified from the dance contest.

Do we really need a fourth fundraiser? Yes.

Hi! Do you make fake sales and read a song?

Shouldn't what happens at the 80s Parents Prom stay at the 80s Parents

No. Is Mr. Coxhead here yet?

He's so cute, don't you think?

Maybe in like a really weird, no need to pursue anything romantic kind of way.

Oh. I plan to pursue big time.