Original subtitles

The reader form is for students only. Mums and dads who try and do it for

kids are only cheating themselves.

Pretend to be reading, cool nerd.

I really am reading.

Good morning.

That's a funny pooka pooka, eh, Ryan? I like the shrimpy shrimp, Ray.

He's read it twice already.

It's all right.

Cinnamon's just finished The Timaru Twins and the Mystery at the Moranville

Museum. Thirteen chapters, no illustration.

Can you please hold this for me?

Yes.

Yes. Do you ever feel like all you do is just hold things for children?

Right, now that we're all finally here, let's get a photo for my Insta. Oh, do I

have time to apply some chocolate bar? You do not.

Okay.

Ready?

Say... Cheese!

Habakida!

Is that a different... Perfect!

Oh, look!

I look amazing.

Long story short, I need new gumboots and a gold coin donation for coming

tomorrow. We'll see.

Oh, you know what's better than a gold coin donation?

No. A silver coin donation.

That doesn't sound right.

Return your book, sweet child of mine.

I gave my book to you, sweet mum of mine. You know, I regret teaching you to

speak.

Oh.

Oh, I might... I may or may not have put it down to take an unflattering photo.

You today!

I will go get it while you walk maturely to class.

I guess you're great at helping.

I guess you're the worst at walking maturely.

Hey, don't forget you're being babysat by Heather tonight.

Shh!

The class who raises the most money wins a free pizza lunch hosted by me with

your favorite toppings of my choice.

If you have any dietary restrictions, I'll talk to your mum and see if they

real.

I

am

literally nearly there.

Literally means it's true. I think you mean figuratively.

Sure.

Shikes already.

That's someone else besides us.

Ah, just Mum.

Hey, you ladies didn't pick up Ryan's library book, did you? Did he lose it,

yes.

You know me too well, Henny.

Well, Ryan will be banned from taking books out until it's returned.

I'm never that harsh when I was a school librarian.

And if he doesn't read, he'll be less empathetic, have pedestrian vocabulary

lack the skills to choose his own adventure.

Which is why we're organising the school readathon.

And the dyslexic disco?

Oh, I forgot about the readathon.

I'll pretend I did not hear that. No, Ryan won't be able to get a book out

the library for the readathon, which I genuinely remembered and he is genuinely

excited about.

Go talk to the librarian, Jess.

Don't you mean whisper?

No, speak loudly and clearly or Ryan will miss out on the intangible value of

reading, Jess.

Fine.

And I need $15 for Fabian's mum's baby gift.

We'll see.

I know that's mum's speak for no.

Basically invented it.

Hi.

Oh, hello again. Can I help you? God, I hope so.

Um, George and the Great Bum Stampede hasn't been miraculously returned, has

Oh, it's still checked out to a Brian Knight.

Oh, it's Ryan Knight.

Yeah, I think he or... Someone he loved may have misplaced it.

Oh, that's the same.

It's one of our most requested books.

I think it's because it's got bum in the title.

Yeah,

and Mia S has requested it for the read -a -thon.

She'll be very disappointed.

Maybe I could just quickly buy a new one. Or better yet, cheap and cheerful

second -hand one.

A true replacement will be $69 .99.

For a kids' book?

And just say $70, OK? It's a really good book.

Plus, our copy has been signed by the author, and we'll have to be express

couriered if it's going to arrive here in time for Mia's rest this afternoon.

She's very into her autographed books.

Could I just buy a normal one and fix the signature?

You can't now.

And only books from the library can be used in the read -a -thon.

That's school policy. Well, I will find that book by lunchtime.

Rule one of this job is never learn the mum's name.

They'll think you're their friend and then they'll want favours.

What is it, Jess? I need a favour.

Oh, good morning. I'm Margot's intern.

How may I help you, Mrs Knight?

Oh, it's Ms Knight. Yeah, founding and ironically only member of the Proud

Single Mothers Club.

Um, I need you to make an announcement about a lost library book.

Pros and cons?

Pro, supporting literacy and being kind.

Con, if we do this once, Ryan's mum will expect the same special treatment every

time. No, no, no, no, I won't, no, I won't. Crack my heart.

It's your call, Emma.

And don't be swayed by the fake charm.

She looks like she could do with a win.

Then today's your lucky day.

Thank you.

Did you get my email?

I haven't had a chance to read it yet. I'm figuratively swamped. I can hear my

fundraising committee calling.

Yeah, it's quite urgent.

See, this is what I've got to put up with every Tuesday with that one.

If anyone finds a lost library book, please return it to Unmarried Jess in

resource room immediately.

You can come to the library.

Hello, fellow reader.

I got a reminder my Improve Your Memory in a Week book was overdue. Oh, it was

due yesterday.

Sorry, I forgot.

It'll turn out right.

No. Maybe.

Well, I'm not going to let my son miss out on the intangible value of reading.

We'll just have to form a ragtag team of plucky mum detectives and solve this

mystery ourselves.

I'm in. Come on.

You've got this, eh, Heather?

I'll hold the fundraising sports while Velma and Shaggy play detective.

Now I've got you alone.

Heather's birthday's coming soon, and we have to get her a decent present.

What do high -maintenance perfectionists like?

Us to do whatever she wants.

She's already got that. Wait a second. Did you just volunteer to help me so

we can talk about presents in private?

Yes. Last year's present didn't go down well.

Who would have thought that she would hate the word dream written in italics

a piece of art? Well, everything I thought I knew about Heather was wrong.

Can we just find the book first, please?

I'm on the case.

It's not here. I've already looked. I'm actually pretty good at finding my boys'

lost drinks, bottles, soccer socks, and... There you go, Aquaman.

Hey.

You paid your soccer fees yet?

Yep.

I'm just waiting for Ryan to actually touch the ball so I can get my money's

worth.

This area's actually impressively tidy.

If only we knew who was here at the time of the mysterious mystery.

Oh, oh, oh, Heather's unflattering photo.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's that in the background by that weird black blur?

What the?

It's Vince and the Eco Warrior.

Why does it look like the caretaker's making the kids do all the work?

Because he is.

They must have picked up the library book while tidying up all those non

-recyclable chip packets that nobody should be packing in school lunch boxes.

Don't judge other mums, Jess. Not unless you're perfect yourself.

Or you're Heather and she can't help it. True.

Well, at least we can return the library book and Ryan will be none the wiser.

Although he will have library privileges which will make him wiser in the end.

And then we can focus on Heather's birthday present.

Do you think she'd like a weighted blanket to help with her reckless leg

syndrome? Oh.

No, because then we would have to choose a colour and she thinks that we're

terrible with colour stories. Let's just get her something fun and cheaper.

I feel bad that we left her alone in the resource room.

Yeah, true.

Fundraising is way less fun without us around.

So all in favour of ordering from the reasonably priced pizzeria for the free

pizza lunch?

Seconded.

Carried.

So, who should be in charge of decorations for the parent prom?

I vote Heather.

Great.

Hi

there.

Oh, sorry.

What can I do for you, Henry?

And, uh, random parent?

You didn't find a lost library book this morning, did you, Vince?

I found half -pencils, abandoned homework sheets and lots of something

-Yo Yogurt Squeezy Packs, but no books.

Check the library, where the books live.

Yeah, we have checked there, thank you. This is serious.

My son needs library privileges for the read -a -thon so that he doesn't miss

out on the intangible value of reading.

Well, that doesn't sound very serious.

Yeah, well, you're not a mum.

Is that about your hot date tonight?

No.

Margot wants to talk.

Well, are you going to take that back?

We'll see.

I'll take that as a no.

Maybe one of your eco -warriors saw something.

Or someone.

Take that as a no. Come on.

Eco -warriors, come out to play.

I saw a short boy with red hair. She was tall with brown curly hair. He had an

eye patch and a lip. I think it was KJ Alpha.

He was carrying a cello case.

She had a cello case. He had what looked like a cello case.

Does KJ Alpha play the cello?

The black blur in the photo must have been a cello case.

What child plays the cello? Mia S.

She was on the wait list for the book. She must have picked it up by mistake.

I think we have solved our mystery.

I'm not sure what class she's in this year.

But Margot will know.

You're not coming in? Nah, you be good cop. I'll be outside cop.

You're avoiding Margot?

There is an email that I do not wish to read or discuss.

Hi.

Are you all set for movies tonight?

Well, it is Tuesday night, which means it's cheap night, which means yes.

Right. So, shall I pick you up at 7?

Sure. Or we could meet there.

Sure.

Would it be easier if I pick you up at 7?

Sure.

Is Ryan excited about Read -A -Hon? Yeah. Yeah, he's getting his library

today. With any luck.

Good. A love of reading is intangibly valuable for boys of age.

Michael looked at me that way.

Great, so I'll feed you now. Do I?

At seven.

Nothing. Do I?

Intangibly valuable. We are sisters and roommates.

And Margot suggested we go on a girls' weekend for Heather's birthday.

With no kids.

Oh, how expensive.

That's why Heather will love it.

Hello to one person.

Hello to one person.

Hello to two people. Hello to two people.

Oh, Stacey Morrison, you're a national treasure.

I'd never take a book without following proper library protocols.

I'm a school librarian, you know. Ah, so was I. Same there.

What are you doing? I'm booking the perfect batch for the perfect

Birthday weekend.

It's got heated floors, electric hammocks, and no cage. Okay.

Book first, booking second. We've got to find George and the Great Bum Stampede.

Is it locked?

I reserved it for the read -a -thon, and it was an autographed copy, too.

No, no, no, it's okay. We've still got time to find it. Did you see anything

before school?

Time is a factor.

Can I just get my... Look, the new girl Melanie had a book.

I know, because she high -fived me while saying library book five.

And you're sure it was a library book? I beat my guinea pig's life on it.

Oh, gross.

If

we

make this quick, we've got a library and a high -five.

I preserve the timid returns of the ghost of Grey Mouth.

Right. So, um, an anonymous tip said that they saw Melanie in the playground

with a library book at 8 .37 -ish.

And, um, we're going to need that back.

May expect a guinea pig's life on it, so it definitely may be true.

Oh, did she cross her heart?

Do you have it, Delany? It's Melanie. And I was in the room from 8 .30 till 9.

Yes, that's right. She was helping me label the kids' self -portraits. Room 3

are not good drawers.

But Mia F, did she throw you?

There's no way she could have picked up that book.

That guinea pig's in big trouble.

I mean, who is that?

Oh.

Moreno, Vin.

Ah, hey, Nat.

So now we're back to square one.

Actually, you're on square three.

Thanks, Tova. You're welcome.

Ryan's going to be the only one who's not allowed to do the read -a -thon

I spend my entire life savings on a book he's already read.

Your entire life savings is 70 bucks?

It's been a hard term.

I had to fix the garage door.

I've seen school photos and discount drum lessons and when I get round to

them soccer fees.

Well, I guess this means you're out for Heather's amazing birthday weekend.

Sorry, I'm sorry.

I wish I knew how Melanie could be in two places at once.

What is she, Doctor Who?

The Doctor.

What?

No, Who.

Doctor Who's correct name is The Doctor.

Could Ryan's mom please stop avoiding Marco?

And report to the office immediately.

It might be good news.

The next rule of this job is children first, everybody else last.

Even teachers and parents?

Especially parents.

You haven't read my email, have you? Well, I already know what it's going to

say. That I'm a terrible mum because I haven't paid my fees like all the other

perfect parents and that I suck.

I'm paraphrasing.

If you bother to read it, you'll see I've signed you up for the SFPP.

Not familiar with that one.

The school fee payment plan.

Small payments spread over the year. Lots of whanau are doing it.

It's important Ryan's here.

I just need you to sign this.

Thank you, Margot.

Now, if you could just tell me how Melanie can be in two places at once,

Doctor Who.

The Doctor.

That'd be great.

It's probably easier when you have an identical twin.

Melanie the twin?

Mm -hmm.

It's about her twins.

That explains a lot.

Oh, yeah. You know, Kimberly and my own boy, you'll recognize her because she

looks exactly like Melanie.

Kimberly, did you find a book in the playground?

The breathless leg syndrome's been playing up since I started the IVF

But I'm persevering without complaint.

Hey, what happened about Nevaeh's mum in the end?

Oh, no.

Oh, I have a friend who's not going to be happy to hear that.

Oh, kids, eyes on me.

Lining up. Let's go. Along the wall. Fast as you can. Fast as you can. Come

now. I want to win that readathon. I want to eat that pizza lunch. Line up. I

not like to lose.

Get in there.

Shoulder to shoulder. Against the wall. I need a count. One, two, three, four,

five, six.

All right. Don't look at them.

Follow me. Follow me. Let's go.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Come on.

Kimberly returned the lost book.

And she would have got away with it, too, if it wasn't for us meddling mums.

Just to be clear, she wasn't in the wrong. She did the right thing. Sorry,

just overexcited.

Oh, it's not in the system.

Well, that's not possible.

I don't know what to say.

Well, can you check again?

The book still hasn't been returned.

Will you be paying that $69 .99 by cash, EFT, POS or in installments?

Installments? Well, maybe it's in the returns box.

No, it's just the Timaru twins and the Hokianga hoax.

Not the best one, if I'm honest.

I'm afraid Brian Knight will be banned from getting any more books out until

it's fully paid off.

Come on, cool kids.

Straight through to the cool corner.

Let's go.

It's Ryan Knight.

Don't worry, I got names mixed up all the time when I was a student librarian.

I think I know what happened.

The book has been on the shelf the entire time.

Someone must have put it on the shelf and forgot to enter it in the computer.

I used to do that all the time as a student librarian.

It happens more often than you'd think.

Yeah? So I don't owe you 70 bucks.

No, sirree. And Ryan can get a book out for the read -a -thon.

Absolutely. And he won't miss out on the intangible value of reading.

You betcha.

Did you want to put it back in the system?

Yes, of course.

Hey, my cousin got us the batch for Heather's birthday.

It's right near the beach where Lord shot that music video.

And it's almost free.

Perfect.

We won't tell Heather how little it cost her, right?

Oh, God, no. Oh, yeah.

Tēnā kōrua. Hello to two people.

Tēnā koe.

Hello to one person.

Did you find the book?

It was on the shelf the entire time.

Taste closed.

Jessie's sitting down.

Good.

I just spoke to Ronnie's mum. Do you know that annoying woman from St.

that sits next to me at ballet? I think she's so hilarious.

Well, their principal has been dating a school mum.

And now the board of trustees are meeting to see if it's against his code

ethics. It's all over Facebook. Mums are not holding back on their opinions.

And you still owe me $15 for Fabian's mum's baby gift.

I can't go to the movies with you tonight.

I heard about what happened at St. Louis, Jess.

Yeah.

Maybe next term.

We'll see.

Hey, whoa, who's this?

It's me, duh.

And guess what?

What? I'm still a librarian.

Really? Mm -hmm.

Do I have to pay any fees?

No. Do I have to buy you a uniform?

No, just this really cool free badge.

Best thing I've heard all day.

And plus, I got a book about farts out of the library for the reason.

Oh, I take that back. That is the best thing I've heard all day.

I've highlighted the bits where you overly insult the person who proposed

In this case, Margot.

May I please have your recycling, please, ma 'am? There you go, young lady

not that much younger than me.

Where's my letter?

Did you accidentally recycle it?

The recycling's going to the office.

The office where Margot works?

There she is!